The Jedi Change

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. The characters of Tahl and Siri Tachi belong to Jude Watson.

Chapter Thirty-Eight- Picking Up the Pieces

Strength over fear. That was where Yoda's failure had begun. He had taught the Jedi that the future was unpredictable, far from having concrete determinatives and yet he had permitted very cloudy images of such visions to make his arguments on at least two occasions. He had dismissed his power for logic and had acted on his irrational fear of the future when he had counseled Qui-Gon Jinn all those years ago.

That his words of advice had been ignored had insulted him. He then acted on his irritation with Jinn from being treated thusly and unwittingly created a cycle of needless suffering that he would be paying for any moment now with the arrival of Skywalker and Kenobi to his chambers. Yoda could not give them platitudes. He could offer no adequate apology. He could not take back the past. Nothing he could do would adequately repair the damage.

Yoda had never felt guilt. Even now, he was not certain that it could be named if he did. He recognized the faults of his attachment. It had come nearly twenty-four years too late. He accepted that the Jedi were changing now. To have done so two decades ago would have been preposterous. Anakin's total lack of regard for the rules had brought about the changes, but Yoda could not see any real damage to be done by it—the young man's present and residual anger notwithstanding.

Yoda did something he never thought to do, would never admit. He wondered, what if? What if he had encouraged Qui-Gon and Tahl? What if he had let Obi-Wan and Siri marry twenty years ago? What if he had combed the galaxy searching for the boy Tahl had surrendered? What if, what if, what if?

These ruminations would not serve him. His memories were never anything but fresh to him. He felt for Skywalker. He felt for Kenobi and Siri. There would be nothing he could see in his subconscious that was not anticipated. Their anger was stifling, but still nothing compared to their pity. Not for themselves, but their much-loved, much-suffered master.

Once more, Yoda tried summoning Qui-Gon. There was no response, and he did not know whether his call was simply unheard or his request for aid was being deliberately rejected. Perhaps it was for the best. Qui-Gon had every reason to abandon him in this. Though he suspected that was not the case.

"Want to speak with you as well, he will," Yoda said aloud.

Skywalker's R2 unit hummed a reply.

"Carry, you do, pictures with the story. From the Archives, downloaded you have?"

The affirmative cry sounded woeful.

"Know how you feel, I do."

Yoda sighed. Qui-Gon could not offer much himself. It had taken becoming one with the Force to know he was a father. The truth came to him when he'd had no time at all to take comfort in it. There was nothing he could do about it. But Qui-Gon was older than Anakin. He had been raised since birth under the care of the Jedi. He understood more even if he did not agree.

Yoda let himself feel for the past again. He saw the ghosts. He felt the stirring, haunting echoes of limitless, all-consuming love. Three couples, five Jedi.

All human.

That may be what struck Yoda the most about his mistakes. His inability to understand that their feelings were very human and beyond his scope of experience for being such. Yoda knew the Whills. Yoda knew the Jedi. He even knew the Sith.

Love, the definition of romantic attachment was beyond him.

That was a sad thing indeed.

†

Anakin felt Obi-Wan's tension as they walked together down the concourse.

"You do not have to come along, Master, if it makes you uncomfortable," Anakin offered politely. "I understand."

"Do you, Anakin?" Obi-Wan wondered. "This will not be easy."

A beat, then Anakin supplemented, "No. It will not."

"He is in pain."

"No more than he deserves."

"Anakin." Obi-Wan tapped his hand on his shoulder to stop him. His expression was filled with sympathy. "I know you are furious that he kept this from you, but I want you to think about what you are going to hear in there. Are you prepared for this? Truly?"

There was no heat in Anakin's answer, only resignation. "Obi-Wan, have you given any thought to the possibility that had you been allowed to make Siri yours all those years ago, you could have a child my age? Or close to me? We could have trained together."

No, that had not occurred to Obi-Wan. The image was a striking blow to his heart.

A child of his own. What a wonderful thing. He looked at Anakin, the glint in his eyes, and he said, "That would be…it would have been lovely."

"He must be confronted, Obi-Wan," came the retort. "It is a responsibility only he will bear, and he must own it. Yoda cannot have any further privileges to manipulate us. I will not have Luke or Leia be taught that their feelings are irrelevant. I will not allow them to be separate from the rest of the Jedi because their father was considered reckless and headstrong. I do not want them…singled-out because I broke the Jedi Code of attachment. Do you understand me?"

Anakin began to walk again. "I cannot do anything for Qui-Gon or Tahl, but my children will know that their grandparents did nothing wrong. By the Force, I swear it, they will never have to be confronted with the choices we were given."

That fervent statement was met with a look of stark amazement on Obi-Wan's face.

So the source of Anakin's beleaguered calm had not come from age or experience or close proximity to his master. It was his children. He wanted the truth from Yoda for selfish reasons, of course, and there was no denying that. But the patience he exerted on the way to getting it was from the need, his instinct to –when all was said and done—protect his children.

Maturity becomes him, Obi-Wan thought.

Anakin turned back. "You coming?"

Satisfied with his reasoning, Obi-Wan caught up to him. "I will stand with you, Anakin. I will always stand with you."

Anakin tried to smile as they closely approached Yoda's private hall. "That is the hallmark of any entrance we make it seems."

"Terrible things do seem to occur much more frequently when we part. You think the Force is trying to tell us something?"

"Whatever it is, I'm not listening."

Obi-Wan stopped before Yoda's door. "Why would you?"

"Exactly." Anakin raised his hand to knock. "What is the etiquette for a situation like this?"

"That you haven't kicked the door down yet is a fine example that we're following it, whatever it is. A knock may not be necessary."

"He feels us."

"Yes."

"Reluctant to see us?"

"Wouldn't you be in his position?"

"Yoda has never been afraid of anything," Anakin muttered.

"You're wrong. He is constantly afraid of anything destructing the Jedi Order, us, his Jedi Knights. That is in essence why we are here."

"There's that 'road to hell' again."

"Paved with good intentions…Knock. Let's get this over with."

The door slid opened and they exchanged a look.

"Banter in here for privacy," Yoda called out.

Anakin peered into the darkened room. They stepped inside and the door closed behind them in a whisper of sound.

The blinds were drawn, and they saw Yoda sitting on a small, cushioned chair across from R2D2.

"Why is Artoo here?"

"Need him, we will, to help you understand."

"We, or you?"

"Anakin."

Yoda ignored the question. "Sit, please."

"This isn't a social call, Master Yoda."

"A long story, it is. Comfortable, you may as well be."

Obi-Wan directed him to the floor, and they sat together facing their diminutive master. Artoo glided over and beeped. Anakin looked at the tray on his domed head and plucked the cups of tea, absently handing one to Obi-Wan.

"I believe I'll need something stronger than sapir," Anakin mumbled.

"Stronger than sapir, it is," Yoda replied.

Anakin glanced into the cup and took a suspicious sniff. "You wouldn't try to poison us would you, Master?"

"Sew your lips shut to tell my side I should," Yoda glared. "Make you welcomed, all I thought."

"I will not apologize for my doubt, Yoda." He met his gaze levelly.

"And never for your temper."

"It is mine to reign. That I have waited this long today to meet with you should indicate that I am to be taken very seriously in this matter."

Yoda nodded. It was with pride he said, "Your patience to be commended, it is."

Anakin shrugged off the praise. "When I am upset, my children sense it. They feel what I do. They're too young to control their emotions, and I will not upset their peace."

He set the untouched tea on the floor. "Where should I start?"

"May I?"

That the master was asking permission startled the knights. Anakin's voice was surprisingly tender. "Of course."

Yoda took a deep breath and rested his folded hands atop his gimmer stick.

"For a thousand years," Yoda began. "The Jedi Knights have served as the guardians of peace and justice throughout the galaxy. Our duty, it was, to protect those who cannot protect themselves. Our privilege to secure their rights of liberty and pursuit of happiness.

That we could not protect our own, sad it makes me…Heartbreaking to know that I have failed. Unfortunate that you must know…"

"What?" Anakin prompted when he paused. "Unfortunate that we come for the truth from you? That you are being forced to take responsibility for your actions?"

"Unfortunate that you must know the truth and unfortunate that you seek to right a wrong unattainable to you. Be fixed, it cannot, Anakin. No matter how I wish it so. And I do. For you, Anakin. For you, Obi-Wan. And for Qui-Gon and Tahl."

"Master." Obi-Wan leaned forward. "Were you aware that their friendship had surpassed itself? Did you know that their attachment was romantic?"

"Know it, I did not. Sense the bond forming, I did, but uncertain I was."

"Qui-Gon never came to you with the revelation."

"Come to me with that you believe, Master Kenobi?"

Don't go against Council again, Master. I beseech you.

Obi-Wan heard his constant adolescent refrain in his head and answered, "No. I suppose not."

"Took one another, they did. Pledged to hold on to their love for all time."

Anakin paled and whispered with sorrow. "They married."

Obi-Wan's expression was just as sympathetic but also knowing. Their lives were intersecting with Qui-Gon's. He faced Anakin. "They did it in secret. Far away so the Jedi could not feel them."

"The wiser, none of us were. Blind to it. Determined we were that such vows would never be uttered amongst us."

Yoda motioned his small hand to the astromech in the corner, and the first security hologram obtained by the Jedi Archives' memory played. Yoda looked at Obi-Wan and introduced the scene with a despondent commentary, "But one, they were…their love grew stronger…richer…every day, it did."

Qui-Gon snatched her around the waist, and Tahl chuckled softly as he kissed her and pulled her to safety behind the rose bush.

"Qui-Gon," she laughed. "You mustn't!"

He glanced quickly around them. "No one is watching."

She tapped his shoulder with the rose she held. She said in a whisper, "Someone is always watching."

"All right then. I do not care." He kissed her again. "I needed to see you."

Tahl wrapped her arms around his neck, giving in. "I feel like I haven't seen you in years."

"You haven't."

"It's been exactly four hours."

"Four hours too long." Qui-Gon held her tight, burying his face in her thick dark hair. "Meet me again tonight."

"I can't," she told him with regret. "There are the padawan inductions tonight."

"After," he told her. "Meet me at the usual place."

"Qui-Gon, I cannot leave Bant alone a second night in a row. Someone will get suspicious."

"They're sending me away tomorrow, Tahl." His look indicated that he was far from pleased. "Obi-Wan and I have a new mission."

Her expression belied her indifferent tone. "For how long?"

He shook his head. "I do not know. I will try to contact you, but…"

She placed a finger over his lips. Her smile was filled with regret. "We knew it would be like this, Qui-Gon. We cannot lament it now. We have what we have, and it's the best we can hope for."

"For now." Qui-Gon took her hand at his lips between his and kissed their intertwined fingers. "We will not hide from them forever, Tahl. We'll find a way. I promise."

She didn't agree or disagree. Instead, she replied, "You will take care? You will come back to me?"

Their lips met from sheer determination. When they again broke apart, Qui-Gon spoke his assurance. "You have my heart, Tahl. I will always come back to you."

"Enough," Anakin uttered brokenly.

The image disappeared, and he turned to Yoda. "That moment was private."

"Wanted to see, you did, Anakin. Understand, you must."

"I don't need the images to know how they felt," he said. "I know…I know exactly how they felt."

He thought of his own moments with Padmé in dark corners, behind rose bushes, in abandoned alleys. Anywhere they could not be seen. They had accepted any means to find time alone. Their desperation grew with time, along with their frustration. But as Tahl had said, they had known what their lives would be like when they broke the codes to wed.

How foolish to think the fraud would ever be livable for the long run.

"She was pretty." Anakin used that to center his focus again.

Tahl had the same dark hair, the same kind and dark eyes of Shmi. They could almost be sisters. Perhaps that was another reason Tahl had chosen his mother to bear him. Maybe it made it easier for her to imagine that she really did give birth to him, had nurtured him within her womb. He hoped it had. He would do anything to take some of the sadness from her. He wished he could go back and bring her some measure of serenity.

Obi-Wan asked, "When did it change for them, Master? Do you know? If they had not gone to you, since you claim you were not aware of their relationship, when could it have fallen apart for them?"

"Reviewed the holograms, I have. The closest I can determine…distant she became after Melida/Daan."

Anakin closed his eyes. "After she was blinded. She hated it."

Obi-Wan frowned, "I did not sense anything strange about them. I remember that time. I may have been ignorant to the depth of their feelings, but he did not scorn her…"

"No. Scorn her, he would never. Loved her more, he did, for her courage to live with it."

Anakin nodded with certainty. "But she hated the disability more for all his attention it brought. She was afraid it was pity. She could never bear pity. Especially from him."

"She must have gotten over that," Obi-Wan whispered with hope. "She must have."

"Know, I do not. Pursue her, he did."

Anakin closed his eyes and reached into the Force. When he spoke, it was as if he was distant from them. The pictures in his head were vivid enough that he could almost believe he stood with his parents at the moments of their worst personal trials.

"He pursued her relentlessly. She would push him away. He would hold on to her. She would spit at him, and he would kiss the tears from her eyes. The love had become…unbearable. They allowed themselves one more time together. It would be their farewell."

Obi-Wan watched Anakin's features tighten, his jaw working. He could not tell if what he felt was his distress or that of his parents.

There was pain. There was tremendous pain. It had become too difficult to hide their secret. Their efforts to gain more time were increasingly thwarted by the range of disputes in the galaxy. They were spending more and more time apart. Days stretched to weeks then to outrageously long months. It had become too much to bear.

It was better to live their lives apart, hopefully as the friends they had been before their vows. So it was agreed that Qui-Gon and Tahl would forever live by the Codes of the Jedi Order and not by their bonds of love. They knew how to exist under the Codes. It was easy. It was routine. It was painless to just go with the motions.

"They parted," Anakin groaned hoarsely, his eyes opened, and swiping at his eyes. "They parted but not before I was conceived."

He glared at Yoda. "And that is when Tahl came to you. Isn't it?"

"Yes."

"What did you say to her?"

"Know you think convince her I did to be rid of you," Yoda said softly. "Guilty of that, I am not. My sin, graver it was, by doing nothing. I did nothing."

†

Tahl followed Yoda's essence into his simple living quarters. Her shoulders were hunched. He had sensed her before she knocked on his door. Her fear was intense and consuming. There was a desperation about her that he had never experienced from a knight. He wondered how she could feel such darkness when the aura around her was strangely, but unquestioningly, beautiful.

"Most pleasant this is to see you, Master Tahl," Yoda welcomed her. He kept his tone light. "Not often we can visit. A lack to be filled, hmm?"

She smiled to pamper him, but it did not meet her eyes. "These are difficult times, Master. I'm afraid my absences from Temple will continue. But I am sorry that we haven't had much time together."

Yoda was quiet for a moment, watching her. "Troubled, you are. Wish to talk about it? Help you, I can."

She tensed when he took her hand to lead her to a chair, but she complied and sat down. Deeply concerned, he didn't release her.

"Tell me you can, Master Tahl. Between us, it shall stay."

Her reticence made her manner slow. "I…I do not know what to say. I cannot…I do not have the words."

Yoda placed her hand between his. "In pain you are. Why, I would know. Be afraid, you needn't."

Tahl's sightless eyes were fixed ahead, and she wet her lips. She appeared to be choosing her words with great deliberation. "I am in a situation uncommon for those of the Jedi Order."

Yoda nodded patiently. "Not many predicaments exist that have yet to touch at least one of the Jedi, no. This situation, Tahl. Place you in danger?"

Her sadness swamped them both. "My whole life has been shaped by the traditions and teachings of the Jedi. I have tried to lead a good and disciplined life in conjunction with the Force. I believe I have been a faithful servant to It. I have had a decent life here. You, the Council, all of my brothers and sisters, you're wonderful. You have been good to me. I have no right to expect something more."

Puzzled, Yoda said softly, "It is only natural to question what else there is. This feeling you have, not uncommon. Neither a flaw. Variety, complexities you have witnessed in your travels and experiences with other cultures. Seen much. Your curiosity, a healthy instinct it is."

"Healthy…Happy it may be. But forbidden to me. Everything I know logically of attachment, I am having difficulty in practice."

"Attachment. The depth of which, harmful to you?"

"You tell me, Master."

Yoda was patient. "Attachment, dangerous it can be, Tahl. Treacherous, it is. Attachment leads to possession. Possession breeds jealousy. Jealousy promotes anger…"

"Anger to hate, hate to fear. It is the path to the Dark Side of the Force. These things I know."

"Sense your fear I do. Obvious it is. To what do you call your attachment?"

"Not what. Whom. To whom do I call this attachment. I feel conflict. I feel despair. But, Master, with it is immeasurable happiness."

Tahl had no idea how to do this so she simply blurt, "Something has happened. Something…wonderful. I am pregnant, Yoda."

The admission pierced his core and she felt his shock. "I carry a child, Master. Help me."

Yoda struggled with his thoughts. She knew it. "How?"

"I was not harmed, Master," Tahl tried to assure him. "It was not a forced encounter. I…I am in love."

She was not sure which disturbed him more—the child or the attachment. "I carry the child of Qui-Gon Jinn."

"Qui-Gon?" Vocal evidence of his broken serenity finally took his voice.

"Master…you had to have known. I love him, but we…we are Jedi. We belong to the Jedi Order. I can offer you no contrition for feeling the way I do for him, nor can I give you regret. But knowing that this disappoints you, for that, I am sorry, Master."

Yoda knew she could not see his face. She could only feel him. Her Force-perceptions were perhaps as acute as his. He knew it.

"Why come to me have you, if with no regret you have for breaking the codes of this Order? Why is Master Qui-Gon not with you?"

"He is innocent in this, Yoda."

"Essential he was to your situation. Innocent, he is certainly not."

"On the contrary. He has no knowledge of the child."

"I see."

"He can't know, Master. He can never know."

His eyes grew enormous. "Tell him, you must, Master Tahl."

"No, Master." Her composure crumbled, and she stood to pace. "It's good that he's on assignment. It gives me the time to…"

"To what?" he snapped with unusual panic. "What plan do you?"

She whirled in his direction. "To protect my baby."

"Your baby, safe it is. Tahl, help you I can…"

"Tell me. I want to believe. How can you help me?"

"In Temple, stay. We can…"

"No! No, Master. Qui-Gon would find out."

"Reasonable, you be. Please. The father he is."

"It isn't safe here!"

"Safer here than anywhere else, Master Tahl." Her mania moved him. He did not understand it.

Tahl collapsed onto her knees before him. Her shaking hands reached for him, and he took them, pet them, trying to soothe her.

"You were right," she cried, nodding her head. "Attachment is dangerous, Master. You were right, and I will pay the consequences. My baby…he doesn't have to and neither will Qui-Gon. Master, don't you understand? I cannot stay here."

"Protect you, protect the child, the Jedi will…"

"Oh Master, please!" She jeered in desperation. "We broke our codes! The Council would never…We betrayed all of you!"

"Shh, Master Tahl. It's all right…"

"You know what it will be like. You may not condemn me, but the rest of them will. You know it. My baby will be…different."

"The child a Jedi will be," he countered. "Powerful…"

"Powerful?" She spat. "Yes, he will be powerful. He will be powerful, and they will resent him for it."

"Revered, he would be."

"He'll be ostracized. He'll be ridiculed for the circumstances of his birth."

Her tone let him know she would not be persuaded otherwise. It seemed her impression of her peers was marked permanently in the negative.

"I am a student of the Jedi Order. I cannot change a millennia of tradition. I cannot try. I do not have the time." She gripped his hands. "You will have no choice but to expel us. This is the only life Qui-Gon and I have ever known, but my baby has the chance to lead an unburdened existence. He can be free."

"A Jedi he is. It is his destiny."

"I cannot do anything about his midichlorian count," she replied with new distaste.

She pulled away from him and stood. "You don't wish to help me, do you? You want him. You want the Jedi. You don't care about the child."

Yoda was so appalled by the statement, he could not find the words to articulate it.

"I am a human being first, Yoda," Tahl went on. "So is my baby. He need not have a life separate from human emotion. He has the chance to be free. He has the chance of normality. He should go to school and learn of other cultures than that of the Jedi Order. He should be free to experience life without restrictions. He can be taught that love is not an immoral thing. It doesn't have to lead to destruction."

"What you plan, what you seek…how is that not destruction to you?"

"Will the rules change just for us, Master?" she countered icily. "No, they will not. Do not try to persuade me that they will. We will not be accepted. We will not be celebrated. We will be reviled for demolishing the foundations of everything the Jedi represent. The mysteries of attachment are not lost on you. You will be wondering where the breaking point will come. You will be looking for the other shoe to drop—what would trigger my fall to the Dark Side? When will the line between love and hate evaporate? How much would Jinn and Tahl do to protect themselves? When would they become selfish?

Those questions are too easy to answer for myself. I am a woman and a mother. My child will come first. And not even you will be able to understand that.

And lest we forget, the Jedi have enemies, Yoda. There is that to consider. His Force-sensitivity will be felt. His strength could be made his weakness. He would be hunted." Tahl said the last on a surge of terror.

"Know that you cannot," Yoda argued.

"Promise me it will not, you cannot guarantee me, Yoda. I want him to live, Master. If I cannot give him the promise of a normal life, I shall find someone who can."

"But…Qui-Gon…a choice in this he has!"

Her visage became that of unspeakable tragedy. "We made the choice of abiding the codes. We have renewed our vows to the Order. We cannot change our minds again. We belong here. Qui-Gon would do as he is bidden, but I cannot risk the same fate that he and I have suffered would not harm my child. I will not do it."

"Keep this from him, I cannot," Yoda told her with regret. "He must know."

"He will not find out, and I will have your word on the matter."

"Love him, you claim," Yoda uttered with incredulity. "Do this to him, how can you?"

"Because I love him," she answered, her tone once again soft. "This is the only life we have ever known. The Jedi Order is his life. I cannot take him from it. And we cannot raise our baby here, together. It's to…unthinkable."

Then she took a deep breath and her manner left no room for bargaining. "So you have a choice, Master. You can keep my secret and lose only one Jedi. Or you can betray my trust, as I have admittedly betrayed yours but then instead of losing one, you will lose us both. Free my child. Help me. Help me give him life, and I will come back here. I will come back here, and I will continue to serve the Order."

Yoda had never felt more useless. He wanted to understand. He wanted to help her understand. She was too distraught. She was not thinking rationally. He sought to strike a compromise.

He kept his tone calm as he told her, "Make your decision now, do not. Stay here tonight. Please, Tahl. Should this be what you still want tomorrow, go with you I will, away from Temple. Safe, your secret will remain. Provide for you, I can. Whatever you need, I can give you."

Tahl shook her head. "You cannot make that concession, Yoda. Your presence…you cannot keep him safe. It must be this way."

"Just…sleep on it. Tahl, please…Just for tonight…Let me help you."

†

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan beside him. "Master…what do you think Qui-Gon would have done had he known? Do you think he would have remained with the Jedi?"

Obi-Wan remembered Qui-Gon's words to him that day in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. He had been told that to leave the Jedi Order would surely become his greatest regret. He would end up miserable. He and Siri would not know what to do.

He shook his head. "I cannot answer that. When he realized Siri and I were in love, he warned me against leaving. I do not know if his advice would have been the same had he known of your existence. We never will."

Obi-Wan cleared his clogged throat. He turned to Anakin, his voice husky. "Tahl could not have foreseen Shmi's purchase into slavery, Anakin. Or yours."

Anakin was hunched over, his shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs. He could feel her. He could feel Tahl as if she were still in the room. She had truly believed that relinquishing him had been her only path. She had been made to by a lifetime of zealot spiritual pacts and unconscionable rules of supposed proper conduct.

"The damn codes," he muttered with venom, trying desperately to contain his anger. He glared at Yoda with fire in his eyes. "How could you continue to perpetuate that nonsense! How could you look at what it was doing to her and not know it could be changed?"

"The nature of her response, an example of the severity of attachment it was, Anakin. Her desperation, a testament to hazard. To discern a clear resolution, a fair path, impossible it was."

Anakin's expression hardened, and his voice deepened with disgust. "So again you took the pious ground beneath relic policies over faith in your own students' abilities to make the right decisions while following their hearts and maintain principles in the use of our gifts. At least your miserable hypocrisies are consistent."

Yoda sighed. "Tahl not the best example for your case against me, Anakin."

"She was terrified, and you knew it. Having never experienced it, she was vulnerable to its consumption of her. At least you called it correctly. You did nothing. You did nothing to help her. You only intimidated her by touting the Jedi code. She should have stayed away from here. You should have never again been graced by her presence. But she returned, as you wanted. Then shortly after, she gave her own life to serve you."

Yoda stared at him, his eyes wet. He bowed his head. Obi-Wan felt himself overwhelmed by emotion as well. It was about to get worse for his friend. This last truth would hurt him a great deal. He only hoped Anakin could maintain whatever he was using to keep his head clear.

"Anakin," he began carefully. "The Council was not aware of Tahl's last mission. She took it on her own. It was not approved by the Masters."

"What are you talking about? Bant said Tahl did as she was ordered."

"Bant did not know any better. Qui-Gon and I went after Tahl only because he sensed her…She was in trouble."

"Never would I have sent her to her death," Yoda added. The Jedi Master had never looked more despondent. "Never would I have agreed to such a mission in her state, Anakin."

Anakin thought more about what Bant had said happened to Tahl before her death.

Her demise happened before then. I cannot explain it.

"Tahl's depression…suffered too much she did," Yoda told him. "Fight it, she could no longer."

Obi-Wan understood so much more then than he ever wanted to. "She could not bear to live any longer without Qui-Gon or you, Anakin. She freed you both the only way she thought she could. And she freed herself as well."

Anakin crumpled and he gave up damming the misery inside him. "And in one last stand for her Jedi nature, she went down fighting for a good cause."

A sob escaped him. "The Force took her."

"Embrace her It did, Anakin," Yoda replied softly. "Protecting her then as It could not before."

"Her decision to protect me doomed her, Yoda!" Anakin cried in anguish and pity.

"No!" Yoda denied hotly. "Her sacrifice no poor reflection on you, and accept it as such you will not. Strength it took to do what she did. Fallen easily to the Dark Side she could have. Used her fear, used her anger to destroy all of you, she could have. Her love for you, her love for Qui-Gon stronger. What she thought she must to spare you, she did."

"Her death nearly destroyed Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan declared, the lessons taken. "It filled him with rage, Yoda. He almost committed murder, and your theories opposing attachment would have been validated. Not even Master Windu there with us could hold him back. It took Tahl whispering from the Force to do it. Is that why you pressed the code? Is that why you kept me from Siri?"

Yoda bowed his head again. "So sorry I am for not seeing it sooner. Much I could have spared you all."

Obi-Wan heartily agreed. There was so much time wasted. It infuriated him. He knew Anakin was too overwrought to continue, but he would pursue it. They would have to reach an understanding with the Jedi Grand Master. This cycle must be broken. The Jedi would have no other choice but to accept a new regime.

"Master, why did you not tell Qui-Gon the truth once Tahl had passed?" he asked. "Why did you continue to keep him unaware of his son's existence?"

"By then, Tahl, guarded Anakin well she did," Yoda offered. "My promise to her, I could only keep."

"Unacceptable," Obi-Wan spat. "You said yourself that he had a right to know. Your promise cannot be your crutch. If Anakin's presence could not be felt, you should have searched for it. You should have presented him to Qui-Gon and…"

"Forced Anakin to live a life within Temple walls that his mother had been adamantly against? This life, Tahl had not wanted for him."

"But fate played its hand and Qui-Gon found him and brought him here anyway. You knew it as soon as we had arrived from Tatooine, didn't you? You knew Anakin was Qui-Gon's son."

"However misguided I was, seek to protect you all I wanted!"

Anakin chortled caustically, "You were caught in a conflict of regulations. In your 'protection' of us, we suffered. When you were oblivious to our actions, we suffered. At least in the times of your ignorance we were responsible for ourselves. Our choices were ours to make, and we did not fail you."

"Permitted your massacre of the Tuskens my failure to protect Tahl and you did," Yoda opposed stonily and watched Anakin's eyes widen with surprise. "Knew what you had done to them, I did. Take that upon myself, I will. Take contradiction in a reprehensible excuse from you for doing it, I will not."

"I cannot forgive myself for that, and I never will. But that it was my choice albeit a despicable one, I will not apologize for. You refused to carry faith in us. You were protecting us less, the Order more. You are not going to convince me that your motives are entirely unselfish. I don't buy it."

"Need to defend myself for wanting to preserve an Order, the sanctity of our religion that has stood for a thousand years, I do not!"

"This is getting us nowhere!" Obi-Wan exclaimed.

The temperature in the room was rising along with the tempers of its occupants.

"Every argument we confront with each other is validated by its opposition. All of our points meet and contradict. Everything stays moot." Obi-Wan shook his head with the frustration. "We are all right."

Anakin gulped in oxygen. Obi-Wan was right. There was no way to determine that his life or the course of it could have been decidedly different had Yoda not continued his deception. To hold on to his anger was counterproductive. He could not do anything to change what had already happened. He could not do anything but make certain the mistakes of the past would never be repeated. He would do that for himself and his family.

He would protect Luke and Leia by letting them go, in a sense. He would preserve their birthright, but he would do so on his terms. When they were old enough to think for themselves, he would be there for guidance. He would take responsibility for shaping their beliefs by teaching them the wisdom that also accompanied free will. He would allow them to make their own decisions and have faith those decisions would be the right ones.

He would not interfere, nor would he impose upon them theories no one could ever hope to back without clear evidence. Visions of the future were unclear, yes. But no one would rob him of the belief that those visions were not necessarily ones of impending doom and misery. He would be positive. There was no fate. No destiny but what they made.

Anakin cleared his throat. "It appears we are at a stalemate."

He glanced at Yoda. "I came here thinking that I was going to pounce on you and wring your neck, Master. It seems my attachment to my children has shorted the inclination. How's that for irony?"

One thing Yoda did know with absolute certainty was that he would never comprehend Skywalker's mercurial changes in mood.

Yoda sighed. "Your father brought you here because he believed you were the prophecy of the Whills. Know the passage, do you?"

Obi-Wan gave a ghost of a smile. Reading had never been a favored pastime of his former padawan's. Anakin had always preferred physical activity of Force-practice than Its academic teachings.

He was about to answer, but Anakin said, "I know it. 'Time of despair, there shall come a savior'."

Anakin gave them a level look. "I'm no savior. I'm a merely a man, but I have brought balance to the Force. And I did it bearing two gifts: Luke and Leia. I dare say I…with more than a modicum of assistance from my wife, have brought about the means to a new and improved Jedi Order. One that makes sense, Master Yoda."

Yoda sat back and eyed him speculatively. "What do you want?"

"Luke and Leia will reside with me and Padmé outside of Temple, but will be schooled here beginning their third standard year."

"As you wish."

"When they are ready, the choice of their Masters to oversee their padawan apprenticeships shall be mine alone."

"A Master yourself and their father."

Anakin found his humility discomfiting but appropriate. "I cannot guarantee my objectivity. I must be fair. Their education will be better served under someone else, but I will reserve the right to give my opinions."

"Reasonable that is."

Obi-Wan watched the byplay with wonder and remained silent.

Anakin wasn't finished declaring his conditions of armistice. "Obi-Wan gets to marry Siri with the blessing of every single council member and with full Jedi regalia."

At that, Obi-Wan straightened to interject for himself. "Anakin…"

"Have it, they shall," Yoda replied.

"I mean total pomp and circumstance, Yoda. They deserve it for being good little padawans for the last twenty years."

Pomp and circumstance? Obi-Wan blanched. "Anakin, we don't need…"

"Hush, Master," Anakin chided in an exaggerated whisper. "I'm on a roll."

"Done," Yoda asserted.

"I believe Siri and I will plan our own wedding," Obi-Wan protested, standing and staring down at them. "I think I would have preferred for the two of you to have strangled each other."

He stomped away from them, and Yoda frowned. "Where do you go?"

"To warn Siri."

Obi-Wan fled the room, and Anakin's smile faded. He faced Yoda with renewed sobriety.

"Your forgiveness still uncertain I deserve," Yoda told him.

Anakin had wanted the truth from Yoda. He had gotten it, but it had reminded him that he was not entirely innocent. If he could not allow Yoda his delusions of always being right, he could not permit himself the favor.

"The people who injure us may not deserve our forgiveness, but we give it because we need it. Because it is the right thing to do."

Anakin took a deep breath and explained, "You and me, we're not innocent in this tale. Qui-Gon and Tahl could have chosen the Order instead of their passion. Tahl could have made another choice. She could have accepted your help when you offered it to her. The only ones who are without blame are Obi-Wan and Siri. The only true innocent is Shmi Skywalker."

"Your capacity for good, much to her you are indebted."

"I would like to believe it is the product of all three of my parents, Master."

Anakin stood, and Yoda looked up at him with stark relief. Suddenly, Anakin noted that the master had been very worried. Humbled, Yoda looked every bit his eight-hundred-plus years.

His anger faded completely and in its place was compassion for the man who could have given his life much neater choices. But even if Yoda had, there was no distinction that his life would have ended up any different. That was a dilemma with no solution, and perhaps the last thing Anakin required to let go and move on.

"Things are going to be very different here from now on," he said. "Whether you like it or not, the Jedi will change."

"Time it is. Evolve we must if to grow stronger we will."

"What will you tell the Council about this?"

"Let you decide that, I will. What do you want to tell them?"

"Everything they know of current events will suffice as an explanation for the amendments to some of our rules," Anakin replied. "Master, I would like to keep the events surrounding my conception known only to us. It was so long ago, and I do not want anything to sully the reputations of Qui-Gon and Tahl. It is not our truth to tell. I want to give them our discretion. Do you mind?"

"No. Agree with you, I do."

"Thank you." He crouched and he spoke softly. "Yoda, I know it was not easy for you to confess all. I do appreciate it."

"Owed it to you, I did. Do not absolve me completely, Anakin. Earned my faith, you have. Repeatedly. Earn yours as well, I must."

"Everything that I have now, I have because of the chain of events that have led me here. Considering my wealth, I can no longer resent those things. I love my wife. I love my children. I love my life among the Jedi. I am blessed."

Anakin placed a hand on Yoda's small shoulder. "You have my forgiveness, Yoda. Do with it as you wish."

"Still one mistake I need rectify, Anakin," Yoda told him. "Your help I will need."

"What is that?"

"Masters Kenobi and Tachi…my fear, kept them apart it did. Used their sense of obligation I did to guard my attachment."

"They know you placed them on assignment together with the deliberate thought of reuniting them, Yoda. It is start that they plan to run with. Believe me, the last twenty years will be utterly irrelevant once they are married. They will make up for the lost time. You are helping them do that."

"What you said earlier, the pomp and circumstance…"

Anakin grinned a little evilly. "That was joke meant to get a rise out of Master. A great success."

"Liked the idea, I did."

Now Anakin demurred. "Yoda, I was teasing. Obi-Wan and Siri would never go for any elaborate ceremony. They dislike attention, you know that."

"A proper wedding here at Temple would serve to not only bind them, but show, it would, the rest of the Jedi that firm in my resolve, I am, that the Order can change with the times. No better example of welcomed attachment than that of Kenobi and Tachi. Disagree?"

Anakin was dubious. "I don't know, Master."

"Discuss it with Tachi, I will. Converse with Master Obi-Wan, you can."

"I will try," was all Anakin would concede. "But if it is not what they want, then you will stay out of their decision making and let them go about their own plans."

"Missed I did, Qui-Gon's vows to Tahl. Excluded I was from yours and Senator Amidala's. See to conclusion that of Obi-Wan and Siri, I will. Witnessed the birth of the new Jedi Order, I did. With this wedding, see everything good in life, the true meaning of it, I will have achieved. Deny me not, I hope they do."

Whorl…Beep, beep!

They turned to Artoo. The astromech bounced about, excited, and Anakin understood the reason for it.

He sighed. "Artoo says that he wants to be there, too. He can record it for them, as he did for Padmé and I."

"Your wedding he has?" Yoda sounded offended. "Tell me he did not."

"Well, sir, his loyalty is to me first. Sorry."

Yoda glared at the droid. "Humph."

Anakin straightened again and stepped over to the door. "He will entertain you with it. I'll see you later, Yoda."

"To Kenobi you go?"

"To my wife and kids I go. Watch the wedding. We'll talk in the morning."

The door slid open and Yoda called, "Anakin?"

Anakin grinned, "Yes, Master?"

Yoda paused for a moment then said, "Much like your father, you are."

Pleased, Anakin's grin widened. "Thank you, Master. That's the nicest thing you can ever say to me."

♥

Siri looked up at herself, immortalized in marble. She had never really taken the time to admire the work. Her reasons for visiting Temple had been too important and pressing. Now that she had a few minutes, she realized it was mighty impressive and flattering.

She didn't like it. She read the inscription and snarled. There was no mention of her piloting. She was a darn good pilot. They could have included that. And what about her intrepid skills of espionage? That certainly deserved some attention.

She shrugged that one away. Perhaps her friends had not wanted to tip their hands completely.

Resigned from the Jedi Order Year One of The Clone War.

Wished she hadn't done so, Year One and a Half of the Clone War, she mentally added.

Oh, well. Siri could think of worse things. She was determined not to do so, especially considering the conversation Anakin must be having with Yoda now.

She cringed. She did not envy them at all. She could feel sorry for them both. If any of them were to go on with their lives, those two would have to reconcile. That she didn't sense any violence was a very good sign. Maybe there would be a happy ending for everybody after all.

She never thought she would believe it, but they may be coming to the most peaceful times of their lives.

Force, she hoped it was true.

Siri gasped as she was pulled from her thoughts and into Obi-Wan's arms. Her mouth was promptly closed against sound. Obi-Wan kissed the very breath from her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and followed his lead before she could remember where they were.

When she recovered her wits, she pushed back, but he would not release her. Frantic, she glanced around them. The main hall was filled with Jedi Knights, and every one of them was staring at the masters.

"Obi-Wan, what are you doing?" she cried. "People can see us."

He stole another kiss, inexplicably giddy. "They don't care."

"Look at them!"

"No." The next kiss he gave her was long and very intimate. He felt her weaken and dissolve against him.

Obi-Wan was happy. "Imagine how they will react when your belly is swollen with Obi-Wan Junior."

Siri gasped and blushed, hiding her face against his chest. "Obi-Wan…"

Her face hot, she looked up at him. "What has gotten into you?"

Release of inhibitions, my love, he thought. To answer her, he replied, "I think the real question is what has gotten into you. Or will get into you. Come upstairs with me."

Siri gasped loudly this time, staring at him with amazement. "Obi-Wan Kenobi!"

He leered and bent to kiss her neck.

Her reproach was instinctive and hissed. "We are in Temple!"

He raised a brow. "You object?"

She opened her mouth to say yes, but the look on his face convinced her that response would not be believed.

"Don't think," he told her.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

"No," she whispered, then smiled. "No."

Obi-Wan bowed and waved his arm. "After you, mistress."

A little nervous, Siri stepped past him and walked across the plush carpet. He was close on her heels, so close she could feel the heat of his breath against the back of her neck.

"Obi-Wan, they will suspect…"

"Darling, they are going to feel it. Force-rich environment."

Siri groaned as they reached the opulent staircase to the second floor concourse.

"You're walking too slow," he told her.

"Are you determined to make a scene?"

"It will be utterly worth it, I swear."

She felt his fingers slide seductively against her uninjured side and groaned for a different reason. "Race you there?"

"I'll give you a head start." Obi-Wan stopped and she looked back at him.

Their smiles were electric.

"Run," he warned her.

Laughing, she took off up the stairs, Obi-Wan playfully swiping at her. They ran up the remaining steps, down the concourse, toward the lifts and out of sight.

Mace Windu stared after them, his usual frown in place. Beside him, Masters Secura and Shaak-Ti made feminine sounds of approval.

"Isn't that sweet?" Shaak-Ti sighed.

Mace rolled his eyes and looked at her. "Sweet?"

"Yes," she replied, her chin raised defiantly. "I am happy for them."

Aayla's head was still tilted to the side in curiosity. "What do you suppose they're doing?"

"Unless you would like to know it in horrifying lurid detail, Master, I suggest you close your mind to the them," Mace advised and left them standing at the bottom of the stairs.

He called to the knights, "Get back to work. All of you."

There was a round of obsequious bowing before the young Jedis continued with their various tasks.

Aayla turned to Shaak-Ti. "What are Kenobi and Tachi doing, Shaak-Ti?"

Shaak-Ti took a breath and put her arm around her friend's shoulders to lead her in the opposite direction. "Well, Aayla, it is a very…complicated thing. Let's go to Dex's. I'll tell you all about it there."

♥

Bant hesitated to move, but when Anakin smiled, her relief was evident.

"How did it go?" she whispered.

Anakin looked on Padmé's sleeping form.

"As well as can be expected."

She looked at him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm better than okay." He gripped her hands and leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "Thank you for everything, Bant."

"Anytime, Anakin."

He stepped over to the side of the bed. "Did she wake?"

"Long enough to sip some broth and check on the babies. Then it was 'lights out' again."

"She's exhausted," he said, touching Padmé's cheek.

"Birth to twins and saving the life of her husband will do that to a woman."

He bent and kissed Padmé's forehead. He would let her rest. There would be plenty of time to talk in the morning.

"You have had a long couple of days yourself. Go home, Bant. Get some sleep."

"All right. I know when I'm not wanted."

"Ha ha."

"Good night, Ani."

"Good night, sweetheart."

Anakin walked over to the bassinets. Leia slept, her mouth lax and making charming snorting noises. He grinned and tucked the blankets tighter around her.

Luke was wide awake and appeared to be watching his father closely.

Anakin leaned over him. "Hi."

Luke kicked his legs, his tiny arms flailing about.

"You want to be held? Hmm?"

Anakin reached in and picked him up. He settled his son close to his chest.

"Can't sleep?" He stepped over to the chair facing the view window and sat down. He pushed his feet against the floor, and the chair began to rock slowly back and forth.

"I don't think I can sleep yet either," he told his boy. "Mind if I just talk to you for a few minutes, son?"

He leaned his head back and sighed. "Ah, Luke…I think I may have a real chance at happiness now. It was touch-and-go there for a while, but I think you may have a real chance at a normal life. Well, as normal as a Jedi can come.

"And you are, you know. You are a Jedi. So is your sister. You don't know what that means yet, but…You probably want to know why you feel the way you do, huh? How you know when Dad is upset. You won't feel that often. I promise you. I can't make any guarantees that it will never happen, of course, but I want you to know that I will give you the reasons for it when if does."

Anakin held Luke up to look into his small face. "You will know me, Luke. You will know everything about me. And you will know everything about your grandfather and your…and your grandmothers."

Luke smiled, and Anakin was moved, letting his happiness wash over him and clean away—forever—the anger.

"I will never leave you, and you and your sister will never have to wonder about your father. Sound good?"

Luke gurgled, drool coming down his chin. His father brushed it away and cuddled him close.

The chair continued to rock, and Anakin closed his eyes. "Your lives will be the best of all, Luke."

He pressed his lips to his son's head. "The Force will be with you."

Sleepily, Anakin promised. "Always."