Oh dear, oh dear, the chapters are getting longer and longer... I can't do anything against it ;-)

Thanks for reviewing:

Xenia Marvolo: Wow, I didn't realise the last chapter was so good... I'm so glad so liked it so much - and I hope you like this one too. Thank you!!!

amthyst-fire: I've mostly learned BE at school and so - if I have the choice between AE and BE - I tend to choose the BE version ;-) But George Lucas is American and he invented the lightsabers, so I'll make an exception for him and try to write "lightsabER" from now on. You're right, Anakin is almost 30 (about 27 in my timeline). The last hours/days turned his life upside down and he's VERY confused, so that's why he sometimes acts a bit immature. And, of course, he has been patronised by Palpatine for the last four years and didn't really have the chance to grow up.

Sentrosi: So you like Yoda's outburst in Episode 5 too, great ;-) I've just bought the book "Yoda - Dark Rendezvous" and I think it's pretty cool. The Yoda in this book acts much like the Yoda in Episode 5 - it's a lot of fun to read (and, as I read it in English, I'm learning new English Star Wars words, lol)

Geri K: Qui-Gon still regards Obi-Wan as his Padawan or as an inexperienced Knight. He has not realised that, over the years, Obi-Wan has become one of the greatest Jedi-Masters. I thought it was nice to have Anakin defend Obi-Wan :)

Booklover Fanatic: I've changed the f thing now. Now Anakin only says it once and afterwards I made him stutter a bit. I hope it sounds better/more fluent now. I thought about using "sithhell" because I've read it on FFN too and whoever invented that must be very creative. It's kind of an inventive curse ;-) But I thought it would be strange if Anakin, who has been a Sith one day ago, uses such a curse. Anyway, thanks a lot for reviewing and if there's ever anything else which bothers you - feel free to tell me. Constructive criticism is very helpful - so: thank you!

Jedi Knight 13: Thank you! Anakin wants to be good again. It's still a long way to go but he's doing his best.

Anaya: I'm so glad you liked "my" Yoda. When writing that sequence I realised - just like Anakin - how much I actually liked Yoda. I think normally he's a really cheerful, humurous little Master but the last years were not easy for him with all the children he had to train, the Order being destroyed, hiding from the Sith... While Anakin was unconscious, Qui-Gon and Yoda had a nice little chat (yeah, Qui-Gon always wants to help) and Qui-Gon convinced Yoda to be a bit nicer towards Anakin and then Yoda realised it's a good thing Anakin came back to them. So now he's happy again ;-) And he felt Anakin's unease and wanted him to relax a bit - that's why he made his little jokes.

Anakin could hardly wait to finally see Luke. His son. Padmé's son! With long strides he walked back – almost ran back – to the house where Luke lived. Taking two stairs at a time, he raced up the stairs and into Luke's room.

A woman, terror-stricken by Anakin's sudden bursting in, dropped a bag. The contents, mostly toys, spilled over the floor.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't want to shock you", Anakin apologised and bent down in order to collect the things. There was a threadbare stuffed bantha, several cheap spaceship models, children's electrobinoculars and lots of scratched sand toys. "Are these Luke's?" he curiously asked the woman.

"Yes."

In his mind, Anakin already pictured himself and Luke playing on Tatooine. He knew all the games and good places on Tatooine. And he certainly was going to give Luke a really good starfighter for his birthday. "Here you are." He handed the woman the bag back, and all at once, he recognised her. "Beru?"

"Yes? What do you want?" She backed away suspiciously.

"I'm Anakin Skywalker, Luke's father. I'm Shmi Skywalker's son, maybe you remember, we've met before. When –"

"I remember that." There was a cold, steely note in her voice.

"So… Do you know where Luke is?"

"He's not here." She tried to pretend to be strong but Anakin could tell she was afraid. Afraid of him. "Obi-Wan!" Beru suddenly shouted. Anakin turned around and saw Obi-Wan coming up the stairs. It almost sounded as if Beru had shouted for help… "Where's Luke?" she asked urgently.

"Outside with the other children", Obi-Wan said. "Don't worry, everything's fine."

"I'm going to see that everything's ok." Beru hastily left the room.

"I'll be there in a minute", Obi-Wan called after her.

"Why is she afraid of me?" Anakin asked when Beru had disappeared.

Obi-Wan looked at him with an odd expression. "What did you expect Anakin? She has been told for years she had to hide Luke from his father, from Darth Vader. Darth Vader, the most dreaded man in the galaxy. She always had to live with the fear he might come to her house someday and demand for her foster child – just demand and nothing more if she's lucky. And now he's suddenly here and he's said to be not dangerous anymore."

"Beru is Luke's foster mother?"

"Yes. Why… Didn't you know that?" Obi-Wan asked in surprise.

Anakin shrugged. "How would I know?"

"You're right… Beru and Owen Lars were your only relatives, that's why we brought Luke there", Obi-Wan explained almost apologetically. "They have cared well for him."

"Yes, of course. I didn't mean to question that, I was just interested."

"And naturally it's difficult for Beru to understand that Darth Vader's supposed to be good now. After all she has been told. She's just worried for Luke, you have to understand that –"

"I understand it, of course I do… I was being stupid, I should have known why she's afraid of me. I just wasn't thinking about it at all. And of course I'm glad she cares so conscientiously for Luke."

Obi-Wan sighed in relief. "She only has Luke's best interests at heart."

"Yes. Um… Master Yoda allowed me to see Luke."

"Yes, I know. Maybe… I mean, if you agree, it would probably be better if I explained certain things to him first. Otherwise he might feel overwhelmed. That is, of course you can explain it to him as well. It's just… I told him his father is dead." Obi-Wan looked regretfully at Anakin.

Anakin swallowed very hard. "Then you better explain it to him", he said without looking at Obi-Wan.

"What else could I have told him?"

"Yes… I understand", Anakin muttered, trying to control his uprising emotions. "It was probably the best thing to do…" So I'm dead. To my son I'm dead. Anakin quickly searched for another topic to discuss. "Where can I live?"

"You can stay here. If you're hungry – downstairs in the kitchen are some boxes with supplies. And that door over there, that's the bathroom. If there's anything else you need, just let me know."

"Ok. Um… ok." Anakin went back into the room where he was allowed to live now. He stepped to the window and let his gaze wander over the deserted landscape. The sky turned a pale shade of pink and the orange sun disappeared behind a mountain crest. Anakin had imagined everything to be easier. To be precise, he had never thought about it at all. Now he realised turning his back on the Sith was not enough. That did not automatically make him someone of the good side again. Hardly anyone was going to forgive him as readily as Qui-Gon did. Sure, Obi-Wan obviously wanted him to stay here and Yoda gave him a chance of proving his loyalty. But even if he actually succeeded in defeating the Emperor, it would not change much. Darth Vader, the most dreaded man in the galaxy. The children perhaps had heard spine-chillers about him or, probably even worse, the truth. Anakin understood he was going to live with hostile and frightened glances for the rest of his life. He could not hold it against anyone. From downstairs, he heard rattling of cutlery and muffled voices. He started becoming hungry again too. But he did not go downstairs. He did not want to put them in an awkward situation by his presence. Soon, he heard someone coming up the stairs. Obi-Wan and someone else. They went into the room next door.

"Can you tell me a story?" a children's voice asked eagerly.

Anakin felt a dragging pain in his chest. It was the first time he heard Luke's voice. To him, it was the most beautiful voice in the galaxy.

"No, not today", Obi-Wan's damped voice could be heard through the wall.

So Obi-Wan used to tell Luke bedtime stories? Anakin was torn between smiling and crying. Smiling, because he was sure Obi-Wan could tell wonderful stories. Crying, because Anakin had never had the chance to put his child to bed, kiss him goodnight or tell him bedtime stories. That was all he had ever wanted: give love to his child. Was it too much to ask for?

"Today I need to talk to you about something important", Obi-Wan continued. "You remember that man who came to Tatooine?"

"The man with all the other white men? You mean the man who lied and said he's my father and who is now here?"

The man who lied… So that's what he thinks about me? Luke did regard Anakin as a complete stranger, a stranger who lied. It hurt to hear Luke talking like that. How could they ever be close, like father and son?

"Yes", Obi-Wan said finally, "that man. He, well… he is your father."

There was silence for a moment on Luke's part but then he said, "This is a joke, isn't it? You want to play a joke on me. I know a good joke too, shall I tell it to you? There's –"

"No, it's not a joke", Obi-Wan interrupted him. "I mean it. He really is your father."

"But he lied!" Luke protested. "He could never be my father. You know he lied! You told me the man lied when I asked you on Dagobah."

What?!! Obi-Wan had done that?! He had lied to Luke? He had told Luke Anakin had lied? Obi-Wan had done it in the knowledge Anakin was going to die soon and still Obi-Wan had not told Luke the truth – even though Luke had asked! Luke would have never known about Anakin at all if Obi-Wan had had his way.

There was the hate again. The hate and the anger.

How could he?!! Anakin could not control it any longer and the glow orbs dangling from the ceiling burst into tiny pieces. No! He must not do this again. But how could he not be angry in such a situation? Wrapping his arms around his body, he rocked back and forwards, hoping to calm down by the steady movement. Next door, the voices had risen a bit.

"You lied to me!" Luke said angrily. "And that man lied too! I hate all of you, all, all, all!"

"Luke, listen, I'm very sorry for lying to you", Obi-Wan said helplessly. "I don't have an excuse and I understand if you're angry at me… But I'm not lying now. He really is your father."

"He can't be. You told me he's dead."

There it was. Dead. Hearing it from Luke made it ten times worse. A soft sob escaped Anakin's lips.

"I…yes. I thought he was dead", Obi-Wan continued lying. "But fortunately he's not dead."

"Why?"

"Why I thought he was dead?"

"No! Why did you say fortunately he's not dead?"

"Because it's good you have a father. I'm sure he wants to get to know you."

"But he's not my Dad!" Luke shouted and Anakin winced. "You told me Dad is the best and the bravest Jedi ever! Dad is the best spacepilot ever!"

"But that's right", Obi-Wan replied calmly.

"No!" Luke insisted. "That man is evil!"

With a terrible scratching noise, Anakin's mechanical hands grasped the window sill. Was this his punishment for everything he had done? He deserved it, didn't he? Because Luke was right: He was evil. And that was why he was a complete stranger to his own son. And that was why his son rightfully despised him. All he had ever done in order to save Padmé and their child – this was what had become of it.

"What gives you the idea he's evil?" Obi-Wan asked carefully.

"He wanted to kill you. On Tatooine he attacked you with his lightsaber. And he has a red lightsaber. You said only very, very evil people have a red lightsabre."

"Ah. Yes…" Obi-Wan seemed at a loss for words.

Anakin laughed bitterly but it came out more as a choked sob. So this is where your lies and negotiation skills fail, Obi-Wan.

"He did not really want to kill me. It was kind of a misunderstanding", Obi-Wan tried to talk his way out of it.

"But I felt it. He was all dark in the Force."

"That's because he made a grave mistake. He did bad things but now he's not evil anymore. You know, sometimes you do bad things too and sometimes I do bad things as well. But we still love each other, right? You remember when you beat that little girl who had destroyed your sandcastle? Or when I yelled at you because you didn't want to go to bed? Or the fact that I lied to you on Dagobah? We love each other nonetheless and it's much the same with the man, with your father, you understand that?"

"Why did he do bad things?"

"He did not realise he was doing bad things. He thought he was doing the right thing, he thought he was doing something good, and only later did he understand that he was mistaken."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

Luke was silent for a moment.

The hate and the anger had left Anakin in the meantime and had made way for a deep loneliness and despair. It was dark now in the little room. The first stars appeared at the night sky. There had been a time when he had wanted to see them all. A time when he had believed in angels and in the impossibility of a Jedi ever dying. He had soon come to learn there were no miracles and reality was not like that at all. Luke would have to learn that lesson to eventually. When he's older, he's going to ask more questions. And when he learns the truth, he will hate me. Then things aren't as simple anymore as Obi-Wan is putting it now.

"Obi-Wan? I don't understand it", Luke said timidly.

"You're right, that's really difficult to understand. Let's say: Your father was a little bit stupid."

"Because he didn't realise he was doing bad things."

"Exactly."

"Maybe Mum isn't dead either", Luke suggested hopefully.

That was the final blow for Anakin's self-control. He was shaking all over. Mum. Luke should have called Padmé that. Padmé would have been the best Mum ever. She had always insisted their child was a boy. She had so much looked forward to the birth of their child. She should have got to know Luke. She – not Anakin – should have survived and be here now with Luke. And Luke would even hate him more when he learned that Anakin was the one who had taken his mother from him.

"No, Luke, your mother is dead, there's no doubt about it", Obi-Wan said heavily.

"Are you sure?" Luke asked, hope still evident in his voice.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Then Dad is probably sad because of that."

"Yes, he is. But I'm sure he would be very happy if you went to see him and talked a bit to him."

"No."

"Why not?"

"No, I don't want to go to him."

"But he surely would like to see you."

"I don't want to go to him!" Luke suddenly burst out. "He's stupid and evil! And you are too! You are stupid because you say I must go to him!"

"Luke, what's wrong? Of course I will not force you to go to him. If you don't want it, you don't have to do it. Of course you don't have to do it."

"I'm sorry I said you're stupid. I didn't mean it. I love you."

The change in mind was too sudden for Anakin's liking. Had Obi-Wan used a Jedi-mind-trick? Anakin vowed that, if he ever found out Obi-Wan used mind-tricks on his son, he would kill Obi-Wan.

"I love you too." Obi-Wan sounded sincere but still… Anakin did not trust him. "Are you afraid of your father?" Obi-Wan gently asked Luke.

"Yes…I guess."

My own son is afraid of me. Anakin could not fight back the tears any longer. Why? Why did Padmé have to die? Why must Luke be afraid of him? He knew the answer to that: It is all my fault. It was his fault alone that Padmé was dead. He had choked her. And that was what the dark side had done to him: In his anger and hate, he had killed the one person whom he had loved more than anything else. They could have been a happy little family. They should have been a happy little family. But now he was alone, so alone. And all he had left was the darkness that surrounded him, his guilt and the knowledge of what should have been.

"Why are you afraid of him?" Obi-Wan asked carefully.

"He has creepy hands", Luke replied defiantly.

"That is not his fault. I've already explained it to you." Obi-Wan's voice had become his strict Master-voice now. "There are many, many different species in the galaxy and everyone looks different. You think that some are ugly but the beings you consider ugly probably think that they are very handsome and that you are ugly. Just having hands that look creepy in your opinion doesn't mean he's evil."

"But he has creepy eyes too. And he says creepy things."

"Ok, what if we go to him together?" Obi-Wan said in a gentle voice again. "Then you'll see he's not really creepy at all and there's no reason to be afraid of him. Do you agree with that? Tomorrow we're going to see him together, would that be ok?"

"Yes, I guess."

"That's really nice of you. And I think you are very brave. Goodnight, Luke. I love you very much."

"I love you very much too, Obi-Wan."

And Anakin knew Luke was never going to say these words to him.

Obi-Wan smiled down at Luke. Or rather at the blond fuzzy-head because that was all that could be seen of Luke. Not being used to the low temperatures on Uresi, the little boy had pulled his blanket all over his face. Luke was the only one who could do that to Obi-Wan: make him smile, genuinely smile. When Luke had fallen asleep, Obi-Wan quietly got up and tiptoed out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar so they would always notice if anything was wrong.

He was just about to go downstairs when his Jedi-senses noticed a very soft noise. It sounded as if someone was crying. Anakin's door was ajar – it was obvious where the noise came from. It made Obi-Wan feel thoroughly uneasy. So he did not know why he sneaked to the door and peered inside. Anakin stood in front of the window; Obi-Wan could only recognise his scheme looming in front of the dark sky. He was trembling and trying clumsily to wipe the tears from his eyes with his mechanical hands. It was such a pitiful sight. It broke Obi-Wan's heart to see him like this. There was nothing left of the once self-confident, sometimes even arrogant young man. His first instinct was to rush to Anakin's side, give him a big hug and comfort him. But things did not work like that anymore. Anakin was no longer a 13-year-old Padawan, no longer an innocent boy. The boy you trained, gone he is . . . Consumed by Darth Vader. Obi-Wan turned away and leant back against the cold stonewall. It would not do anyone any harm if he just went into that room and gave Anakin a hug. It would help Anakin and maybe it would help Obi-Wan too. Damn it, I'm a terrible Jedi. There are no emotions, there is peace. Why is it so difficult to keep to that rule? What had Qui-Gon told him a few days ago: It's never wrong to love someone, Padawan. But was it really right to love someone who had done things as Anakin had done? Not more careful you have become after what happened to your young Padawan? That was what Yoda had said. More and more things started replaying in Obi-Wan's mind, a loud cacophony of voices from his past.

Obi-Wan, you have to train him... He is the Chosen One. You have to train Anakin.

I have to accept Anakin's gone. – Maybe you can bring him back.

Obi-Wan…there…is good in him. I know there is…still…

I don't want to be in an Order which forbids friendships anyway!

Anakin Skywalker dead is.

I promise to protect you with my life and to guide your life in the Force.

I really want to fulfil the prophecy but… can't I be sometimes happy all the same?

We mustn't forget either the crimes Darth Vader committed.

But I felt it. He was all dark in the Force.

Obi-Wan hit the back of his head against the wall. Why was everything so contradictory? There was nothing you could rely on, nothing but the Force. But the Force was silent now, it did not tell him what to do. The Force let him decide. So he finally turned off the ringing in his head and decided this was the time to listen to his heart.

Anakin had been so preoccupied with his sorrow he had not noticed Obi-Wan's presence. Only when someone gently took his mechanical hands and moved them away from his face, he became beware of Obi-Wan being in his room. Then two hands, human hands, not terrible "creepy" mechanical hands, wiped away the tears from his cheeks. When had been the last time that someone had touched him in a gentle way? He knew exactly. That had been four years ago. Padmé… He burst into a new fit of sobs. Before he could react, Obi-Wan had tightly embraced him. A part of him was ashamed of his weakness and his tears but he was too weak and too teary to protest. He had almost forgotten what it felt like to be held, what it felt like to be close to someone. And it felt good. Safe. Obi-Wan was right: Anakin had been stupid. But not just a "little bit" but very, very stupid. Stupid, because he had believed in Palpatine's lies. Stupid, because he had doubted Obi-Wan's friendship and sincerity. Right now, the dark side could not do anything to him at all, he knew that. Slowly, warmth crawled back into his body. At the same time, trepidation grew. For years, he had nurtured his body with anger, coldness and hate. Now it felt as if he was burning inside. He was so vulnerable and the flames licked in all the raw places. His face being pressed so tightly against Obi-Wan's shoulder, he was hardly able to breathe anymore. Obi-Wan's arms, which grasped him in a vice-like grip, threatened to crush him. He was getting more and more claustrophobic. He knew he was going to suffocate any moment. Panting heavily, he shoved Obi-Wan away and backed away until there was a few feet space between them. He staggered back until he met the wall. Weakly, he leant back against it.

"Sorry", Obi-Wan muttered, "Qui-Gon told me you needed more time to adjust and he was right. I just thought I could help you like that… I just didn't think about what I was doing. I understand you are –"

"Stop apologising all the time!" Anakin cried heatedly. "It's so ridiculous! I'm the one who has to apologise, not you!"

"Then why don't you do it?" Obi-Wan's voice sounded almost pleading.

Despair threatened to overwhelm Anakin again. He was grateful it was dark in the room and so he did not have to look into Obi-Wan's eyes. "How. It's not possible." He felt so tired and drained, so weary of life. "What am I supposed to say. I did things that can never be forgiven." Obi-Wan remained silent for a very long time. Anakin sank down, his back to the wall. He was too tired to stand on his feet any longer. He had killed all of them. All the great Masters, the Knights, the Padawans, the younglings. And so many more innocent beings. But he was still alive.

"You are right", Obi-Wan finally said quietly. "Some things are unforgivable. But you're not supposed to ask for forgiveness. If you just said that you're sorry, that you regretted your actions…"

"That doesn't make them alive again."

"No. Of course not…"

You cannot make them alive again. Your care should be for the living, not for the dead. The living need your help. Just listen a bit more closely. Maybe that was all Obi-Wan wanted. A simple apology. He needed certainty Anakin regretted his actions and had not simply come back thinking everything was just fine again. Obi-Wan wanted to hear him say it as a confirmation of the trust he had put in Anakin by bringing him here to the other Jedi.

"Obi-Wan…" In the darkness, Anakin could only recognise Obi-Wan's scheme in front of the window. He looked old, slightly bent forward, his shoulders slumped. "I regret very much what I did. Not just because I experience the consequences now. That my own son is afraid of me. That our friendship is destroyed." A part of him hoped Obi-Wan was going to contradict him and say, Our friendship is not destroyed, Anakin. But there was only silence in the dark. "I'm sorry I caused such suffering and if there was a chance to go back and make it undone, I'd do it immediately." But there's no such chance for me, he added in thought. It will haunt me for the rest of my life. I will never again be able to sleep without having nightmares.

"The Emperor said you showed pity when you burned down the Jedi-Temple", Obi-Wan said. "He said you spared the Jedi. What did he mean?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Are there more Jedi who survived?"

Anakin hated having to destroy the hope in Obi-Wan's voice. "I know of no one else", he answered heavily.

"Then why did the Emperor say it?" Obi-Wan insisted. "He must have had a reason to say it. I mean… To me it doesn't look at all like you have spared the Jedi."

"Trust me, to me it doesn't look like that either." Anakin hesitated. It was a tad difficult to explain. "It…may sound perverse to you… Well. Sidious expected me to kill every Jedi. I mean, every single Jedi. He says it was my weakness that I didn't kill the Jedi one by one but just burned down the Temple. I know it doesn't make better what I did", he quickly added.

"It… maybe it did make a few things better. 32 students and four Jedi-Knights survived the fire. They could escape the flames. They used the secret passage, the one that the students use to get secretly out into the city." Obi-Wan kept his voice emotionally detached while recounting those horrible events but Anakin had known him for so many years that he could tell how much Obi-Wan was agitated inside. "It was the only exit that was not guarded by stormtroopers. Didn't you know that secret passage? I thought all the students knew – and used – it."

"Of course I knew it, Obi-Wan", Anakin whispered.

"Oh." Obi-Wan kept silent again for a long time. "Why didn't you do like Sidious told you to do?" he finally asked calmly.

"Well, he never said directly… I mean, he did say it in a certain way but I… Well, it was the easy thing to do."

"I'm afraid I don't understand."

"Cowardice", Anakin said bitterly. "Thus I could salve my bad conscience. I didn't have to get my fingers dirty."

"That's not about cowardice, Anakin", Obi-Wan said softly. "Pity is not weakness. It's strength."

Suddenly Anakin had a big lump in his throat. How he whished that was true! He sadly shook his head. "It doesn't make a difference."

"Not for those who are dead. But for those who survived. And…it makes a difference to you. And to me too."

Anakin did not know what to say to this. Why should he argue? If Obi-Wan wanted to see it that way, he would let him. Gradually, Anakin's tension decreased and his breath relaxed. Closing his eyes, he allowed the calmness of this room and this planet to calm down his emotions too. "Obi-Wan, I want to thank you for looking after Luke."

"You needn't thank me for that", Obi-Wan replied and Anakin could almost hear that he was smiling. "I enjoyed doing it. You've got a wonderful son."

Tears in his eyes, Anakin smiled too. "I just wish Padmé could see him now." It was the first time in four years that he said her name aloud. He waited for something to happen. He felt something should happen, like the Force starting yelling at him or beating him. But nothing happened. There was just silence. Nothing had changed except for the weight that had been lifted from Anakin's chest. Somehow he found the courage to continue now. "Did you tell Luke I was the one who murdered his mother?"

"She did not die because you choked her. Did you think that was the cause of her death?" Obi-Wan asked concerned.

"She didn't die because I choked her?" Anakin asked surprised. "But how…? Why…?"

"No one could really explain what happened. Medically, she was completely healthy. The medical droids said she had lost the will to live."

"She did not die at my hand?" Anakin asked incredulously.

"No, she –"

"Sidious told me I had killed her!" Anakin roared, not able to control himself any longer. The pain, the fury – it all came down on him. He jumped up on his feet again, angrily pacing the room, wildly gesticulating. "He told me I had killed her in my anger! HE CLAIMED I MURDERED HER! HE KEPT TELLING ME I WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH TO SAVE HER! HE LIED TO ME! IF I HAD KNOWN THAT, I WOULD HAVE NEVER –"

"99 percent of the things Sidious says are lies", Obi-Wan interrupted him harshly. "You should know that by now."

That brought Anakin down to earth. "Yes, of course…" he muttered, furiously rubbing his temples. He refrained himself from hissing painfully when the durasteel fingers poked into his sensitive flesh. "Were – were you with her when she died?"

"Yes."

"That's…" Anakin swallowed very hard. "…good." So at least someone had been with her. But the bitterness directed towards Obi-Wan was still there – though he knew it was wrong. He, Anakin, should have been with Padmé, he should have been there for her, holding her hand, telling her how much he loved her…

"Her last words were for you", Obi-Wan said softly. "She was convinced you were not completely lost to the dark side. She never stopped believing in you. She truly loved you… And she really did not want to bring me to Mustafar. I, well, sneaked into her spaceship. After I had told her…what I was going to do, she wanted to warn you. Trust me, she never brought me to Mustafar to kill you."

Obi-Wan's words were like balm to Anakin's soul. It felt so good, knowing Padmé had not conspired with Obi-Wan against him – she had never wanted him dead. And even after what he had done to her, she had not stopped believing in him. At the same time, this knowledge made everything worse. The last thing he had said to her were false accusations. The last time she had seen her beloved husband, he had been a monster. "It did it for her", he said in a small, broken voice. "I had visions of her dying in childbirth. Dreams like the ones I used to have about my mother before she died. I was so terrified of losing her like I lost my mother. Palpatine promised me to show me a way to save her. When you were on Utapau, he revealed himself as the Sith-Lord to me. I reported him to the Council but when Master Windu was about to kill him, I intervened. Palpatine had said he could teach me the powers to save Padmé. I could not let him die. He was my only hope. Saving Padmé was all that mattered to me."

Anakin heard Obi-Wan let out the breath he had been holding. Now he knew Anakin's motives for turning to the dark side. What did he think earlier why I did it? Was he now disappointed of Anakin because he had gone against the Code? Or was he relieved Anakin had at least something like a reason for turning to the dark side and had not simply slaughtered the Jedi out of pure malice?

"Why didn't you come to me?" Obi-Wan demanded to know at last. "When you had those visions… Why did you have to run to Palpatine?! Why didn't you tell me?"

Of all the questions Obi-Wan could have asked – this was not the one Anakin had expected. It seemed beside the point. And yet it made everything worse again. "How could I have told you?" Anakin said ashamedly. "It would have meant admitting Padmé and I were married."

"I'm not blind, Anakin", Obi-Wan said slightly angrily. "Don't you think I never noticed the secret looks you two exchanged? The way you walked on air after meeting her, ready to put up with everything but at the same time mentally absent. I may be a Jedi who sticks to the Code but I'm not completely dumb."

"But if I had told you, things would have been official. You would have been forced to report me to the Council."

"I wouldn't have told them."

"Yeah, but you'd have forced me to tell them: Padawan, either you tell them within the next 24 hours or I'm going to do it, right?" Suddenly Anakin heard a soft sob from Obi-Wan. He froze. What…? "Master?" he whispered in shock.

"S-sorry. Sorry for being…for being like that."

"But – but – what -? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, I – I –", Anakin stuttered helplessly. He reached for the back of a chair, needing to hold on to something. "You see, Padmé wanted me to tell you but… Once, I tried to talk to Master Yoda, I told him I had visions of someone dying. And he told me to let go of everything I fear to lose. You know I've never been a good Jedi if it came to that. I know it's wrong to have such attachments and it's wrong to let your visions and fear control you but I just couldn't do it: wait and do nothing, stand by and watch her die, I could've never done that."

Obi-Wan sighed deeply. "I know… And now? What if something like that happened again? What if you had such visions about Luke?"

Anakin gulped. "Don't say such things", he pleaded.

"Answer me", Obi-Wan insisted. "Would you do the same again?"

"Of course I would try to save him", Anakin answered cautiously. "But… I wouldn't trust in Sidious again. And I would tell you about such visions."

Obi-Wan sighed again. "Well, that's a little improvement then, I guess."