Title:- Trepidation

Pairing:- Izuo

Rating:- M

Warning:- language, violence, possession, yaoi

Disclaimer:- I don't own Durarara

Summary:- Sequel to chosen. Izaya is back from the dead in a different stronger body and Shizuo doesn't know how to take it.

Requested by:- guest

It's not every night Shizuo wakes up spooned by a bigger more masculine bouncer. It's not every night that his lover comes back from the dead either. Somehow that's what happened. He'd befriended a guy at work and apparently chosen him as Izaya's vessel after passing over the knife. His friend had died for his lover's return.

Shizuo hadn't believed it. Part of him still didn't which was the only reason he hadn't had the man's magnum inside him. It didn't feel like Izaya. Shizuo sighed looking down at the arm draped protectively over his waist. Slowly he slips beneath its guard and from the bed.

He takes a moment standing beside the bed staring down at the hefty weight under the covers. The bouncer is curled up in a ball just like how Izaya used to sleep. Turning away Shizuo trudges into the bathroom splashing cold water across his face. It doesn't take a look in the mirror to know how he looks.

Izaya's death had almost killed him. He'd generally stopped eating, sleeping and talking. He'd withdrawn into himself locked away in dreams and memories. Only his family and friends had allowed him to move the empty husk he'd become. Day by day had passed like a robot attuned to following commands.

Shizuo looked anyway. His reflection stared back at him gaunt and lifeless. His eyes well dull, bags so thick his eyes looked permanently puffy. His hair had seen better days, not back to his original colour but almost grey from the bleach used. All in all he looked more like a ghost than Izaya probably ever had. It was a wonder the Izaya look alike had asked him out. He looked like death.

Swiping the towel from the rail Shizuo scrubbed his face hard as if he could magically fix his appearance. He needed a hair cut and dye job. That was only his head. Shizuo risked a look at his belly. He looked malnourished. His skin was pasty, his ribs visible when he breathed.

"Shizu-chan." The bouncer murmured taking up the doorway. "What's wrong?"

Shizuo looked up at the man who claimed to be Izaya. The way of speaking was the same, the knowledge of his body and where he felt good was something only his lover knew.

"Nothing."

The bouncer squeezed in behind him. "It's not nothing. I'm back, Shizu-chan. I'll never leave you again. I have never left you." Shizuo looked at the stranger embracing him in the mirror.

"I know."

"Good." The bouncer kissed his cheek. "Let's get a midnight snack. This body takes a lot to keep going." Izaya didn't say anything about his lack of weight. It was probably why they hadn't continued.

Shizuo sighed. "I'm not hungry. I'm going to bed."

"Hm, alright Shizu-chan." Izaya murmured. "I'll let it go just this once. But you will eat breakfast."

The bouncer stepped back gently pivoting him out into the bedroom. Shizuo climbed back in bed watching the man move across the bedroom and out into the kitchen. Immediately he felt the absence. Alone in the bed he curled up feeling sick at heart. He didn't want to think about what that meant.

x-x-x

His alarm died and not by his hand. As Shizuo raised a hand to turn off the incessant ringing, a much larger hand beat him to it slamming blindly down. The noise died and the plastic casing cracked under the force.

"Huh?" Izaya lifted his head looking past his shoulder. "Oops. I haven't gotten use to my own strength. Good morning, Shizu-chan." The bouncer grinned embracing him. "Sleep well?"

"I guess." Shizuo shrugged.

"Makes a change. I'm going to take a shower. You want to join me?"

"Shower isn't big enough for both of us." Shizuo sighed feeling the bouncer's heat against his back.

"Ah, I suppose not. That's a shame." Izaya kissed him vanishing into the bathroom. Shizuo shivered feeling cold. Slipping from the bed he headed for the kitchen to make breakfast. At least the bouncer needed to eat.

He finished just as Izaya came out topless from the shower. Shizuo stared at the abs on view comparing how different Izaya now was.

"You made breakfast." Izaya grinned. Shizuo nodded heading out. "Where's yours?"

"I already ate."

The bouncer grabbed him and perched him on his lap. "You always were a bad liar, Shizu-chan. You can share mine."

"I'm fine." Shizuo scowled. "I need to shower."

"Food first. You're skin and bones, protozoan."

x-x-x

Shizuo stood under the cascade of hot water trying to warm his cold body. He didn't understand why he wasn't warm unless the bouncer touched him. But nor did he want to be clingy and unnecessarily stalk him. A lot had changed.

Shizuo thought about the great hulk of a man getting to grips with his apartment and new body. Izaya was back. But how long until he left again? How long until Shizuo lost the will to live again? He couldn't go through losing Izaya again.

Space was what he needed. Shizuo turned off the water trudging to swipe a towel. The door was already open, the bouncer wrapping him up.

"What should we do today,ne?"

Shizuo shrugged. "Don't mind. I'm free until the evening."

"Hm, I think we should have a clean up and then go shopping." Izaya suggested. "Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo blinked. "Oh yeah. Sounds good."

"Did you hear a word I said?"

"Yeah sounds good."

"Or maybe we should stay here and reconnect?"

"Sounds good."

Izaya sighed. "You're not listening."

Shizuo blinked finding the bouncer's hand grabbing his chin. "What?"

"What's wrong, Shizu-chan?"

"Nothing." Shizuo grumbled stepping out of range.

"You're being spacey." Izaya followed after him.

"I haven't woken up yet."

Izaya sighed reaching for him. Shizuo ducked out of the way pulling drawers open for clothes. "You're avoiding me."

"I'm not. I'm trying to get changed."

"I can help with that."

"I can do it myself." Shizuo snapped pushing back his damp hair. "Quit being so overbearing!"

"Shizu-chan, I haven't been able to touch you for seven years. Do you know what it's been like watching you and not being able to do anything?"

"No. I wasn't dead." Shizuo sighed taking the bundle back to his bed.

"You moved like you were. I'm back Shizu-chan."

Shizuo pulled his shirt on swiftly doing the buttons. "I'm going shopping."

"Great. You'll finally have some decent food to eat." Izaya smiled. "Do you think we could stop of at Russia Sushi? I miss my fatty tuna."

Shizuo paused staring at the bouncer, a Great wall rocking back on the balls of his feet. "I guess."

"Yes." Izaya grinned. "We could treat you to one of those sweet cakes you like. The ones with plenty of cream."

Shizuo shrugged. His love of dairy had died with Izaya. Everything had died with Izaya. Pulling on his pants he was glad Izaya didn't push any further.

"Mm, it will be good to be able to taste again. You know this guy had a sweet tooth? I could taste the sugar. Ugh. What is it with tough guys and sweets?"

Shizuo shrugged. "Maybe they only look tough."

"Hm, suppose so. This guy had a collection of romance movies."

"The guy had a name." Shizuo scowled.

"Oh? Do you remember it?" Izaya teased. Shizuo hung his head.

"I could tell you." Izaya's voice softened, as he sat down next to him.

"No. I'll only feel worse."

x-x-x

It was like Izaya never left. The bouncer skipped next to his side. It drew a lot of attention. They went shopping. They went to Russia Sushi. They went for a long walk around town without bumping into any of his friends. He didn't know how to explain to Shinra if the bouncer started making outrageous claims.

They went back home. Well his apartment and Izaya followed. Apparently it was already decided they would live together. The more he watched the more Shizuo couldn't deny the evidence in front of him. Izaya had come back to life. It scared him shitless.

"Mm, I never knew food tasted so good." Izaya moaned flopping on the bed. "This body can eat twice the amount I ever could."

"You shouldn't waste that guy's hard earned money on fish." Shizuo sighed looking for somewhere to sit.

"A) it's not his money any more it's mine b) it's not just fish! My tuna is the finest delicacy, a mouth watering, insatiable-"

"Still fish." Shizuo shrugged.

Izaya crossed his arms and sulked. It was almost comical seeing a wide built masculine man pouting like a child. "You have no appreciation in life for the finer things."

"Whatever." Shizuo shrugged turning away.

Izaya grabbed his wrist before he could get away. "Where are you going?" Shizuo looked away. "You're going to smoke?"

"Yeah. So?" Shizuo scowled pulling free. Izaya grabbed his waist pulling him into his lap. It made him bristle at being so easily manhandled.

"No smoking. It's bad for you. There's much better things we could be doing."

Izaya's hand rested innocently on his thigh. Shizuo glanced at it watching as it moved further up and down between his legs. "I have work in a few hours."

"You'll be fine." Izaya smirked squeezing. "Don't deny me Shizu-chan, I've already spent so much time waiting."

"I know." Shizuo breathed.

Izaya pulled the zipper down freeing his arousal. "How quickly are you going to come I wonder."

Less than five seconds if last night was any indication. It had been so long. Obviously there hadn't been anyone after Izaya.

"Ne, Shizu-chan." Izaya murmured kissing his neck. "You can get rid of the altar. You don't need it any more."

Shizuo raised his eyes seeing Izaya's smiling face. "You died."

The altar shook as Izaya delivered a sharp kick. Izaya's photo crashed to the floor along with the candles and flowers.

"Oi! What the fuck?" Shizuo growled reaching for the photo.

"I'm back." Izaya scowled placing him on the alter. "I'm not dead, I don't need mourning. I'm right here."

Shizuo nodded his belly touching the altar top. Izaya's larger figure surrounded him sliding hands all over his body. Bucking his hips he let Izaya stroke his arousal. "Don't tease." He cursed as his nipples were pinched.

"It's a good thing we went shopping today, Shizu-chan." Izaya grinned waving something above his face. "We don't want it to hurt."

It did hurt. It hurt like a bitch, even with Izaya's thorough preparing. Shizuo held onto the side of the altar feeling himself tear as Izaya pressed into him. "Breath Shizu-chan."

Shizuo tried to relax becoming accustomed to Izaya's new shape. It still hurt though the lubricant made things a little better when it came to moving. Izaya held him firmly in place ravishing his body. Shamefully he passed out.

x-x-x

Shizuo tried not to look guilty as he busied himself behind the bar. The Izaya-whatever his name was-look alike was being flirtatious, subtly rubbing against him as he skipped past to serve every customer. That wasn't the source of his guilt.

He'd gotten Izaya fired. The bouncer had been very persuasive in confirming his identity. Shizuo wasn't having his lover working in such a dangerous neighbourhood. It was a little white lie to the boss and a threat to walk out. Bouncers came in dozens. Good trained bartenders that has been loyal for years came once a millennia.

Shizuo glanced at the closed door cleaning the glass in his hand for the fourth time. Izaya probably wasn't taking the news so well. "Shit." The bartender groaned putting the glass down. Izaya would know it was him.

"Shizu-chan?" The Izaya lookalike grinned. Shizuo stared at him. He looked so much like the original Izaya. Except for the eyes.

"We're not that busy tonight." Shizuo said swallowing past the lump in his throat. "Could you help me with something outback?"

"Sure, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo nodded glancing at the door before following the other bartender. He left the door open, no point in closing it.

"What do you need help with?"

Shizuo backed the lookalike back against the wall. "This." He leaned forward slowly brushing his lips against the look alike. Backing away he tried not to think of how he'd betrayed Izaya.

"Oh I can definitely help you out." The look alike grinned kissing him fiercely. Like the old Izaya the raven was small and lithe with fast working hands. "Ne, tell me you're a neko. I'm not the submissive type."

Shizuo nodded.

"You're so hot." The lookalike grinned grinding against him. His shirt was gone opened to the sides. His zipper was down. The lookalike on his knees.

Shizuo felt nothing. It was only thinking about the original Izaya that got him hot under the collar. "Mm, you taste so good." Shizuo said nothing knotting his hands in the raven's hair.

"Shizu-chan?" Shizuo gulped hearing Izaya's questioning voice. Pulling the look alike up he plundered his mouth guiding his hand down.

"Mm, I never expected Shizu-chan to be so impatient." The look alike grinned. "I'll be in you soon enough."

"Shizu-chan? Are you in-" Shizuo had his eyes closed unable to brave seeing Izaya's face. "What are you doing? Mikoto-kun, what are you doing?"

Ah. So that was his name.

"Oh hey, don't suppose you could guard the door until we finish?"

"Might as well." Izaya shrugged. "I just got fired so it's not like I'll get in trouble."

Shizuo felt guilt rip into him along with the thinly veiled accusation in Izaya's tone.

"Great. Sorry about that Shizu-chan."

Shizuo opened his eyes seeing Izaya watching him. Mikoto touched him moving close. Izaya made no move to intervene or show he was bothered.

"Maybe we should stop." Shizuo murmured. "Boss isn't in a meeting any more."

"Ah. I suppose so. We can continue this back at mine." The look alike grinned skipping out to the bar.

Shizuo sighed zipping his pants and buttoning his shirt. "Are you trying to tell me something, Shizu-chan? You get me fired and then I see you making out with my doppelgänger. What's that about?"

"I've moved on." Shizuo growled. "I suggest you do the same."

"Is that what you call it? You think that substitute will make you happy? You think I came back after seven years to find someone else? I came back for you Shizu-chan. You are mine."

Shizuo hung his head feeling Izaya stalk closer. "I can't lose you again. I can't watch you die again."

"I'm not going anywhere, protozoan. Accept it."

"Flea, I'll be possessive." Shizuo warned.

"Ooh, makes a change. It'll feel so good knowing how much you want me." Izaya grinned.

Shizuo shook his head. "I might get clingy."

"Clingy is good."

"Very clingy." Shizuo amended.

"Even better. My little tsundere is coming out of his shell."

Shizuo hung his head. "I feel cold when you're not touching me."

"Apparently not." Izaya murmured releasing his arousal.

"I pictured him as you."

"Ah." Izaya kissed him. "Did you two do it? Or did I walk in on the foreplay?" Izaya had him up against the wall, his legs wrapped around the raven's waist. "Did he touch you?"

Shizuo gasped feeling Izaya's fingers thrust inside him. "Yes."

"With his fingers?" Izaya asked twisting them sharply.

"Yes."

"Mouth?"

Shizuo said nothing.

"Shizu-chan!" Izaya thrust them back sharply.

"Yes."

"You're an idiot, you know that. You're my idiot."

Shizuo nodded crying out as Izaya slammed into him. His head buried in the man's shoulder. "Fuck."

"This is your own fault."

Shizuo groaned his hips rocking. He heard the door open and this time it was the lookalike that was staring in shock. "So anyone will do for you, huh?"

Shizuo felt like shit for coming up with such a stupid plan. Izaya was back and they belonged together. That was all that mattered. That was all that should matter.

It wasn't long before he was allowed to stand his knees wobbling as he struggled with the heavy feeling in his hips. "Let's go home."

"I have work."

"I handed in your resignation."

Shizuo nodded unsurprised.

"So when does this newfound clinginess of yours start?" Izaya asked intrigued. "Do I need to make you jealous first? Or does it come naturally?"

"Shut up." Shizuo scowled pushing Izaya away.

"That is the opposite of clingy. Should I show you how it's done?" Izaya chuckled.

"You're infuriating."

"Did you miss me?"

Shizuo nodded leaving the bar with Izaya in tow. Their fingers linked as they walked together and that was just the start.

End