Chapter 38: Either Side of the Bars

I went to see the new film last week with my partner in crime, I now have the 'I see fire' ending song stuck in my head and a ton more fanfics I want to write :) I kind of had a post film crisis, which is why this wasn't out earlier. I had somewhat planned how this story was going to go and then while watching the film I was like 'Oooh! That's cool, put that in! Put that in!'. I have no idea what's happening now.

Balin was fascinated by the whole thing, and made her tell it all again leaving out no detail, and when she was done he shook his head slowly in disbelief.

"Well I never..." He said. "Well I never..."

Thranduil did not summon them over the passing days.

It occurred to Bella that he would not call for them, that if they wished to speak they would have to request to see him. He was a King afterall, he didn't call on others.

But the dwarves would not request to talk with him, for they would not give up knowledge of their quest to an elf. Thorin was the only one they believed had right to tell anybody and he was not there. They knew very well he would not have wished the information disclosed, so would keep their mouths firmly closed despite their misery.

…Thorin. The dwarf was never far from Bella's thoughts, she worried constantly.

The welfare of all the company was at the front of her mind, but for those first days in the Elvenking's dungeons she had busied herself with taking care of those she had present to attend to. After a time though her fears for their health faded and the fear she felt for the leader of their company surfaced.

Her thoughts were plagued by terrible ideas, for she very well knew there was a good likelihood the dwarf was dead. Certainly he couldn't have survived in the forest for so long without food even if he had escaped the spiders and the elves.

She hoped beyond hope that he had been snatched up by the elves and not by the spiders while she had lay unconscious in the forest that night. It was one of those desperate hopes she held on to at night when the dark got to her and her mind went too far. Maybe, maybe... But Thranduil had said nothing of another dwarf, and she had seen nothing despite spending days in the dungeons.

Dead, most likely.

Thorin. Dead.

It sounded so wrong. Thorin was the leader of their quest - he couldn't die, they needed him. He had always seemed so strong, almost invincible. That he had been left behind in a forest and had died there alone unknown to anybody...that was not how the great tales Bella knew ended. Kings didn't die that way.

...But he was mortal just like the rest of them, and his defeat at the hands of Azog had only confirmed that to Bella. Being important didn't make you immune, being a King by name didn't give you special power to avoid death. No matter how untouchable you seemed you died as everybody else did one day, no one could cheat death, not even the hardiest of all.

Whether he was dead or not he was out of her sight and gone from her everyday life. She had gotten used to him being there, and now that he was missing there was an emptiness in his place. He had become a friend, though they had not had the best of beginnings. He was dear to her, dearer than she had perhaps believed when he had simply been there and she could take his presence for granted. It was odd, like a part of her was gone, though that idea seemed silly.

He was now a friend, and she wanted him back.

She missed him.

But Thorin was certainly not all that she had to worry about: the ring on her finger certainly did her no good. She was sure that it was what made her dreams so dark. It made everything dull, grey and drab, blended in until it was all the same. Nothing was different, it was all colourless, lifeless, and because nothing was different things seemed to lose importance.

Not even the dwarves seemed to be able to pierce though the haze. As time went on they seemed to become more and more distant to her. Their voices sounded as if from far away, and their faces looked like those of strangers. She held on to their names – Fili, Kili, Bofur, Nori...

Everything was grey except for the ring – it was a precious glimmer of colour in a world without colour. It was something to hold on to, to cling to, to remember how the world used to appear - a world where one could feel. It seemed like a link to sanity at times, but all the while Bella feared it, for she was scared that it was the opposite. It terrified her, because she could sense that it was alive and that it was not good. It was a dangerous thing, and she wanted it away from her. She feared it would drive her mad like the creature she had taken it from.

But she needed it, and she could not take it off.

Most of her time in the palace was miserable.

Bella had not tried to count the days that had gone by since they had first entered the Elvenking's halls. She knew it must have been many. A burglar now she definitely was, but she couldn't get away and so had to go on miserably burgling the same place day after day.

The dwarves also had a miserable time. They got dreadfully bored.

Some, could entertain themselves.

"Why must you do that?" Bella asked Dwalin one day as he yet again destroyed the tray his food had been deliver on. The dwarf shrugged and said "Why not?"

Others, however, could not.

"I'm so boooooored!"

Bella spent a great deal of time scurrying back and forth carrying messages between dwarves to keep them in contact and entertained (as Kili put it: making sure they didn't die of boredom). She didn't mind it at all, it kept her occupied. Messages were sent between brothers and kin, from Dori to Ori and from Dwalin to Balin to Fili and Kili.

Most of what she carried were private jokes that she did not understand, or else sentimental recollections of past times. She did not care that she did not understand most of what she recounted through the bars of the cells. She drew a line at some things though. Specifically she drew a line at carrying one worded insults back and forth between Oin and Gloin. As amusing as it had been at first she had soon tired of it.

Balin wanted to engage in a game of riddles having heard her story of her experience in the goblin caves. Bella was not at the best of her game, but most of the ones the old dwarf knew she had heard before.

She let Gloin talk to her for hours about his wife and son, but didn't hear a word. She had a feeling he knew she didn't listen, that her mind was elsewhere, but he said nothing of it. He probably didn't particularly care: he just wanted to talk with someone around. He wanted to talk of them. He loved them, more than anything. Bella envied him in secret. She didn't have what he had.

The elves above continued with their lives. They generally seemed a happy lot, when not faced with spiders or trespassing dwarves. Bella watched them sometimes when she had simply had enough of the dungeons and of dwarves. She would admit to having followed more than one around.

She had taken to exploring the upper passageways and rooms, which were a lot lighter and alive. She had entered the Elvenking's throne room, had stood by the falls, once or twice snuck into the private rooms of elves to steal a comb to drag through her hair and to stare in silver mirrors and see nothing but an empty room.

Once or twice she had slipped out of the gates as they were closed with a 'Clang!' behind a leaving hunting party, but once she was out of the palace all she did was stand on the bridge at the edge of the wood and stare out lostly.

She couldn't search for Thorin. The forest was so big, she didn't have a clue where he might be, and she feared getting lost out there and leaving the company locked in the cells to wonder what had befallen her.

So she stood and stared, until the gates were opened once more and she would be allowed to slip back inside to the dungeons.

While snooping around the palace Bella found out many things, one of which was of upcoming celebrations.

They were to be held the night after next, and were to be a big event, for they were to celebrate the stars whose light was what the elves loved best.

The elves working in the storerooms were kept busy re-arranging and checking goods in preparation for the night. Bella watched them work and took what opportunities arouse to snatch up bits of food while they were distracted. It was easy pickings, she just had to make sure to keep out from under their feet.

She had gotten more and more bold with taking things she needed over the days in the dungeons. Her confidence with doing so had increased immensely. They couldn't see her, and she could step so quietly when she wished that they did not hear her either. Still, she kept small with what she took so the good's disappearance was easily passed off by the elves.

...Well, she usually kept small.

At some point on the day before the day of the party she thought to herself that she deserved to take part in the celebrations also, and in a moment of daring stole two bottles of some elvish wine - the stuff she heard them complain was weak and so reckoned would not be missed.

She slipped out of the storeroom clutching them tightly, praising herself for her success and berating herself for such a stupid idea.

Bella quickly made her way through the passageways, not stopping once and collapsing back against the bars of a cell when she reached her destination. She sighed and slumped. Stupid. Bella, you fool...

Reaching behind her to set a bottle on the floor inside the cell, she then went to open the one she kept in her grip. As she worked at the cork she caught the shuffle of movement behind her.

"Miss Baggins?"

"The one and only." Bella replied dully. She was not really in the mood to talk. In fact, she was not in the mood to do anything much but drink.

She heard the 'clink' of the bottle as Dori picked it up to inspect.

"Elvish?" He inquired.

"Not their best, but it will do I suppose."

The dwarf hesitated before sitting down so that they were back to back at the bars as all the dwarves had become accustomed to doing. Apparently it served to remind them that they were not just going mad and talking to themselves to be able to feel there was something more there than they could see.

He heaved a sigh. "Are we drinking for any particular reason?"

"Haven't we enough reasons?"

"More than enough, Miss Baggins," He gave a shake of his head. "More than enough."

Bella took her first swing of the foreign liquid without giving it prior inspection, and its strength immediately shocked her. She gasped. If this was the weak stuff then what was the strong stuff like? She took smaller sips from then on. She couldn't afford to be completely out of her senses. Dori drank quicker than she did, but he could likely hold it better being a dwarf and more used to drinking.

"Are they well?"

"Who?"

"Them. Ori." Dori swished the liquid around in his bottle.

"And Nori." He added.

"Yes." Bella nodded. "I must have said so only this morning, and many times before then."

"I never believe it."

Bella turned her head back at the dwarf's words. "You do not trust me?"

"I trust you. But they..." Dori paused and shook his head. "I need to see them to calm my fears, you must understand."

Bella said nothing. She could understand, in a way.

A silence prevailed.

"I am sorry, Miss Baggins." Dori said at last with a heavy sigh. "I have been unfair to you these last weeks."

Bella hummed to herself. "I was not truthful with you."

"I imagine you had reason."

Bella opted to drink instead of answer, and for a time a silence again fell between them. She tucked her knees up to her chest and ducked her head.

It had been so many months since she had left the Shire.

So much had happened since then. How far they had come. How things had changed. The rolling hills and green fields seemed a world away...

She remembered very well that day she had left her home behind for the twelve dwarves and their stubborn rude irritating leader and the promise of adventure. Now they were here, all expect one, having faced things she would have never have thought they could face and get away alive. No one could say she had hidden away for her entire life now, no one could say she had given up and shut herself up in her house under the hill. No one could say she wasn't Belladonna Took's daughter.

Her father would have been horrified to learn of the things that had transpired on her travels. He wouldn't have wanted to know. He would have worried himself to death, blamed himself, cried for her perhaps, for his child.

Bella curled further in on herself.

He would have been proud.

She uncurled to take a swing from her bottle.

...Maybe not of her drinking in the Elvenking's dungeons, but he would have been proud, in a horrified kind of way. At least, she hoped he would have been...

"What happened?"

Her voice must have startled Dori. She felt him jump.

"What?"

"...With you and Nori."

The silver-haired dwarf immediately stiffened. He shrugged with a fake casualness.

"We are simply very different." Dori shuffled uncomfortably. "We disagree...we disagreed."

Bella leaned back against the bars to listen.

"Being so different, when hard times arose...we had different solutions to our problems. Made different calls."

"You disapprove of the choices he made..." Bella nodded to herself. "You believe him wrong?"

"He was young then." Dori took a swing of his drink. "He is no longer and yet his life decisions continue to cause me grief."

"So he is not what you wished him to be." She twisted around to stare at the dwarf. "But you are proud of him?"

Dori was silent so long that she thought he would not answer.

"Not of what he is." The dwarf said finally. "...I was the one who failed, he was the one who made things right. Maybe not by savoury methods or by fair-play, but without him I don't know what might have happened."

"We have seen some harsh times, I couldn't stand up to them and support those I was entrusted with the responsibility for by my own means. He took on my failures and it was he who paid the price for them." Dori's voice dropped to a whisper, and Bella heard the creaking of the glass bottle under his grip. "He was a child I was meant to be taking care of. It shouldn't have ended up being the other way around."

The dwarf shook his head. "I am proud, very very proud, but not -never- of the lies and ill gotten games and all manner of other things. He is a criminal. I said goodbye to my brother when things got better again and he didn't need to carry on with his ways but he did so anyway."

The passageway fell quiet again, and for some time Bella had nothing to say. She tried to digest all that she had heard. Slowly all the pieces were fitting together in her mind.

She pondered about this and that, and the more she drank the more her thoughts became scrambled and her emotions messed.

She found herself thinking of Thorin again (as she spent a lot of time doing these days) and to her surprise almost began to cry.

Dead.

Dead dead dead.

...But something inside her couldn't accept that. She just couldn't. She felt like something in her might break if she did.

Bella felt tears welling up in her eyes.

When had these dwarves come to mean so much to her? When had he become so important in her life-?

"Hows the...the...the escape plan coming?"

"Huh?" Bella startled. "Oh. Oh!"

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Yes, well! Very well!"

Dori had had enough to drink that he appeared to believe her. "Good! Good!"

"Yes it's going well. So well! We should all be out of here by...oh, I'd say by the day after next! No later than Tuesday, that's for sure!" Bella blabbered on, though she didn't know what day it was, or when Tuesday would be.

"Good!" Dori kept saying. "Good! Good! I'll drink to that!"

He turned and raised his bottle to the bars and Bella raised hers to meet it. They met with a 'clink'.

Then the two of them went back to facing away from each other again and lifted their bottles to their lips. Dori took a big swing but Bella paused.

The escape plan wasn't going well. She didn't have an escape plan.

She knew all the dwarves had hoped her to have thought of something by this point. She had spent hours with Nori racking her brain for any way, any way at all. Her conclusion: it was impossible.

There was absolutely no way out of the palace. No one escaped this place if the King did not wish it. All the doors were guarded by both elves and magic, and even if they managed to get that far they would not out-run the elves in their own territory nor best them in a fight. Bella didn't want a fight anyway. There were no secret passageways, not that Bella knew of. She had searched.

She had nothing.

The only things that got out of the Elvenking's halls were elves and empty storage barrels. The dwarves were neither of those things. Such a shame.

Bella frowned and stared down at the bottle she rolled in her hands.

Barrels... The river took them out.

She mused to herself for a while before the idea came to her all rather suddenly.

The barrels.

The empty barrels.

Carried out by the river.

Bella was on her feet in an instant, to her credit only wobbling slightly.

The barrels!

"That's it!" She exclaimed in excitement. "I've got it!"

"By Yavanna, I do believe I've got it!" She cried to Dori and reached through the bars of the cell to snatch the bottle from the startled dwarf's hands.

"What-!?"

Bella had already started on her way by the time Dori had realised anything was happening. She turned on her heel.

"Stay right there!" She told the dwarf.

She had things to investigate.

Happy Christmas to you all :)