A/N
Hey everyone! I am officially back :-) I hope that you are all having an amazing 2015 thus far.
I apologise for the long awaited update. I spent the last two months celebrating the festive season, travelling and adjusting to my new job. Truth be told, I couldn't seem to continue this story. I needed to feel some sort of inspiration and quite frankly I have been lacking the courage to continue. BUT, yesterday when I got home from work, I sat down and completed this chapter, and realised that I love writing and maybe what I was experiencing was my first writers block.
Good news is, as this story comes to a wrap, I will be submitting a new story :-) It is titled "Above and Below", so just keep that in mind :-)
Thank you to those of you who didn't give up on this story. I promise that I will try to update on a regular basis and not keep anyone waiting. This chapter is beta-less, and will be edited once I have completed the entire fic. My aim was to reach 40 chapters.
Please feel free to share your thoughts. I hope my episode of writers block is over.
Enjoy :-)
DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYER
Chapter 37
EPOV
One of the most confusing rules about soccer is the term 'offside'. I've been playing soccer since the day I could walk and to this day the fucked up rule continues to baffle me. Allow me be clear, I was told by daddy dearest that I could walk from the age of ten months.
Always was the perfect son.
But back to my point, an attacking player is offside if there are less than two defenders between them and the goal at the time the ball is played in. All my life, I have unconsciously linked my decisions to the rules of soccer, because it is something that I've always known best.
When Isabella Maria Swan walked into my life, I knew she was an immediate offside.
She was all kinds of chipped-cracked-bent, but I followed her nonetheless.
I knew her as that girl, the one with the long brown hair that reached just below her butt, a dimpled smile, and eyes too brown.
She didn't grab my interest at first, and not because I didn't consider her as pretty, beautiful even, but because my decisions were classified by class.
You see, Slummers were always dirt to me. I thought of them as a waste of time and air. Although I secretly hate myself for thinking like such an asshole, I am also thankful that I was able to change my view of the world, and more importantly, people.
Love is mind-set changing, class rearranging and opposites uniting.
I don't know if our paths crossed by chance or by destiny or some shit, but staring at her in this moment, I can't imagine my life ever existing without this girl.
She is so fucking wrong.
Her smile, her laugh, her cheeks, her eyes, her body.
It's wrong.
But it's also right.
And that's all because of love.
I had known without really knowing that I should have stayed away from her. But like the wise guy I am, I let go and broke all the rules because she was the biggest fucking exception to my game.
Bella and I had no defenders. With our limited time, we were two opposites, growing-needing-building together because it was all that we wanted.
And just like a ninety minute soccer match, Bella was supposed to be my ninety days of fresh air. But when our time came to an end, we had reached a knockout tie that landed in extra time.
Our game was never ending.
Because love isn't supposed to end.
I get that now.
And like being said, I occupy the same role with the two most important things in my life. With both soccer and Bella, I am a striker. I aim my target from both a distance and within a close range. If I don't shoot, I don't score. But apart from making forward runs, strikers must sometimes play with their back to the goal posts to link play, making themselves available to receive and turn or lay off under pressure.
Working together as a unit is crucial among strikers and their teammates. And as known, my girl is my teammate. The best thing is that I have the power to score when others don't. But the world only cares about those who score the goals, never mind the teamwork it took to attain it.
As I lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling with blotches of dampness ruining the white paint, an idea pops into my head. For some reason I am excited about this. I know that my plan will definitely need some teamwork, so I quickly send out a broadcast text to some of my closest players.
Smiling secretly before the sun rises, I internally fist pump myself at my brilliant idea. Saturday is the Halloween dance, and even though it will be Bella's first week back at school, I'll make sure it is extra special.
I turn over and run my fingers through my sleepy girl's long waves. What sounds like a sigh, escapes her lips and all I can do is smile in this moment. Her soft snores begin to sound like pretence, and I know she is awake.
Blowing into her ear, she twists in the sheets and a goofy smile is planted on her morning rosy cheeks. As she rolls over and tucks her head into the cave of my neck, I bite her ear and shield her with my reuniting embrace.
"Good morning sleepy head." I whisper into her ear.
Bella yawns with some added exaggeration, and then smirks at with me.
"Hungry?" my girl doesn't greet me. She sneaks her arm under the sheets and then places her gentle hand on the hem of my briefs. Without saying a word, I shift my body to face her and release a shy smile that screams of everything that is yes.
Without as much as a beat, our lips collide and my tongue forces its way into her mouth. Our recent morning fatigue is short lived as we both become desperate for the feeling of closeness. Bella sits up and pulls her sweater over her head, leaving her naked beauty exposed.
Although winter nears, her blissful summer bikini tan lines remain, and her soft and gentle skin brush against my hard torso.
She runs her hands over the cotton that fails to hide my rock hard shaft, and I lift my hips up and remove my boxers, allowing more room for our intimacy.
Love is desperate and needy.
"You didn't answer my question." My girl whispers against my lips. She pulls my bottom lip between her teeth and begins to increase the pace of the up-down motion of the incredible hand job.
What the fuck did I do to deserve this girl?
"Hungry?" I ask, breathless. "Yeah," is all I am able to say as her lips meet mine once again.
"I'm starving." She pulls away and displays a guilty smile. All of sudden, she shifts her body downward and her mouth meets my dick. She sucks the tip with her hand continuing to work its way up and down my shaft.
"Shit." I want to beg her to stop, but my desperate calls are more of a plea for her to continue.
I slowly lift myself up, running my hands through her dark hair as she bobs her head up and down. The sucking sound accompanied by the image of her bouncing tits against my balls, nearly brings me to the edge.
Before she can continue, I run my hands down her sides and gently squeeze her hip bone where I know it tickles.
Jumping up immediately, Bella meets my eyes with a shy smile, and then I say, "I think I'm starving too."
I lay her down on her back and she immediately spreads her legs, welcoming me to her most sensitive area. I crave for her taste, to run my hands down her smooth thighs, and just to worship her entire presence.
I don't allow the tiny cuts that remain from the accident to bother me. Instead, I continue to travel my lips along her scars until my tongue is circling the lips of her centre.
"Oh God…this feels so good." She whispers breathlessly as I tease her clit with my mouth.
After some sucking and licking, the attention of my erection takes over all my senses. I climb out of her bed swiftly and walk over to her closet, pulling out the box of condoms.
"Fuck! There's aren't any more condoms." I say, searching around her clothing, hoping one fell out or somewhere.
"Hurry." Bella demands, lying naked and needy in pink school girl sheets.
Desperation surges through me and I find it difficult to search her room for a condom with my raging hard on.
"Leave it. You can pull out of me."
I know we are playing with fire and begging at the doors of trouble, but in this moment our decisions are ruled by the pressures of pleasure. I practically run across to her bed, pinning her down and in one motion, I am inside of the only person I ever want to be with.
Her eyes grow big, her smile goes wider, and my heart grows fonder.
Love does that.
Love is irresponsible because of need and greed.
I stare at her lips and fall in love with the way they form into a smile.
Love breaks my stare and I laugh.
But what we do next isn't love making, its fucking. I drill into her innocence because it's what our hearts want right now.
Pushing-pressing-pulsing in and out, we are in heaven, only this is earth.
Feeling like I am about to come, I try to suppress my increasing need to orgasm, pumping harder and faster, and then Bella tenses.
She swallows deeply and her eyes begin to water. All I manage to do is smile, again and again and again.
Green meets brown forever.
Shortly after, I pull my dick out of her and allow the salty creamy liquid to release onto her stomach.
Baby making is a no go for two teens in their senior year.
So about an hour later, I rush to the shop in the rain and buy a box of condoms.
Because fuck that, I won't risk another incredible moment.
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It's Sunday morning and I am lying in Bella's bed (again), playing Clash of Clans on my iPhone. I am about to head into battle when my girl interrupts me, pulling the sheets.
"Get up. I need to clean my room."
"Huh uh. Just give me a second." I don't bother to look up.
"Edward. Please stop? My room is a mess and it's starting to bug me. Why don't you go home for a bit? Get some clean clothing and see how your parents' are doing like you promised?"
I know without knowing that she is basically telling me to get the fuck out. I jump to defence, because why doesn't this girl want me here?
"Really now?" I ask, dumping my phone on her bedside table. "You're getting tired of me already?"
"No. Don't be ridiculous." She climbs onto the bed and straddles me, placing a soft kiss on my nose.
I smile into her eyes, screaming that I love her from the inside, but the words just won't come out. Because once I say it, it will be real and it will hurt.
I don't allow myself to ponder on our future, but at this time it spells out different directions. The amount of need I crave for this girl is unhealthy.
I know that, but I remain still, I stare, I love, I obsess.
All she does is shake her head and climb back in next to me. Bella is my striker, my defence, she is the referee to my game.
In between our exchange of intimacy, she silently pleads with me to go home. She thinks we need this distance.
I don't.
All red and yellow cards, offsides and penalties, are her call. It is this way because I allow it to be. She leaves me weak but stronger than ever, and I know without having to say it out loud, I cannot breath without her as my oxygen.
A year ago, hell, six month months prior to present, I would never have imagined feeling this way. I am dependant on this love but so is she.
We line up, we score, and we win.
Love is like the rules of every game.
So what this means is that when a brown eyed girl forces me to leave her home because it is the right thing to do, I have to jump to be my own defence because I have the power to score.
Bella will always be my right kind of wrong.
"Edward, I'm serious…you told your parents that you will go home. Why don't you go home, just to see that they are okay?" My sweet girl huffs and puffs while narrowing her eyes.
I grin, because she makes me happy, and then I begin biting on her purple-polished chipped fingernails.
"Stop! This isn't a joke you dummy." Bella groans, attempting to come across as stern.
"Come on, I don't want to go home. Not until they pull their heads out of their asses." I continue to bite her fingers.
Love is playful.
"This is unbelievable." My girl pulls her hand out of my reach and tucks it under her sheets. "Tomorrow I will return to school. Your parents were here three days ago, Edward. You were supposed to go home three days ago." She lifts herself up and throws my T-shirt over her head.
Bella and I pretty much spent our weekend rolling in-between her sheets. To be honest, I've never had this much sex in such a short period of time. So yeah, my mood is super high and happy right now.
Fuuucccck.
Treehaven experienced a major storm and weather experts recommended that the town dwellers stay indoors. Rene has been at work all weekend and she comes in late at night, if at all. And because of nature's doings and a single caregivers absence, we don't allow our alone time to go to waste.
"I'll stay one more week okay?" I attempt to negotiate.
"Seriously, Cullen?" My girl stands beside her bed with her hand placed on her hips, looking all kinds of cute.
"Yes, Bella." I roll my eyes, "whatever makes you happy." I climb out of bed, and head straight for the bathroom.
She follows me.
Why wouldn't she?
We end up taking a shower together and then Bella's fixes us something to eat. I know why she is being this way. This girl is afraid to face the people that she had feared would destroy us. I don't give a shit. Because fuck them.
She obviously feels that distancing herself from me will make things easier tomorrow. What she doesn't realise is that I'll never allow separation.
Not now. Not ever.
During the six days since Bella returned home, we have been in eachothers faces all the time. I leave for school in the morning, attend soccer practice during the afternoons, and then I come back and be with her.
I want it all to be this way but I can't help feeling that she doesn't. Ever since the accident, Bella has been anxious and tense. I can understand why, but I don't see why she just won't let me in.
So again, my initial idea pops back into my head.
"Hey, Bells. Fine, I'll go home. But I'm coming back later." I call out as I collect my wallet and my phone.
She is sitting in the middle of her room on the floor, painting her toe nails. She nods and blows me a kiss, knowing I will be back sooner then I want her to believe. Maybe she just needs some time alone. I walk up to her and kiss her one last time.
We depart with a smile, never looking back.
Why would we?
When noon arrives, I climb into my newly returned truck and make my way to Jaspers house. I sent my teammates a text and some friends at school to fill them in on the plan.
The roads are muddy, skies are grey and the jacket that covers my body stands no chance against the cool temperature.
But that doesn't matter once I begin putting my plan into action.
Bella is walking around, imagining that she is rejected and unwanted. The one thing that she deserves from me is the acceptance and reassurance that she needs. She needs to know that not everybody is against her.
Seventeen year old girls do not deserve to feel that way. And I will make sure that she knows how strongly I feel about her.
So I pull up infront of my best friend's large house, step out of my truck and make my way to my previous life.
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"What the fuck?" I command, shocked out of my mind.
All of our friends just left Jaspers. I managed to get my soccer team together, and asked them to do their captain a favour.
Jake, Jasper and I are now drinking a beer and chilling. Jake is pacing up and down with his hands on top of his head, and I guess I'm just staring.
Waiting-wondering-watching.
Because what the actual fuck did I just hear?
"Shhh! Shut the fuck up. Nobody knows yet." Jasper whispers, sipping on his beer in his basement slash entertainment area.
"How?" Jake demands.
"We fucked at the lake party. That's how." Best friend grows on edge and I get why. He's fighting for love. I can tell by the anger in his eyes when we so much as display a threatening glare.
"So all this time you've been slumming it with Alice Brandon? Shit dude! Did you and Cullen plan this shit? Hit on the schools charity cases?"
By now, I jump up and shove Jake. "Fuck you." I yell.
"Watch it Jake." Jasper adds.
"How is it that you both managed to keep this a secret? Thanks a lot man. I'm surrounded by liars." Jake looks disappointed but I know he's only struggling to comprehend the news just as much as I am.
My best friend is going to be a baby daddy.
Shit.
"So what are you going to do?" I ask, genuinely concerned.
"I don't know man. We were supposed to tell my parents, but the fucking chick is hormonal. She keeps bailing on our plan." Jasper sits up and runs his hands through his hair.
"How do you even know it's yours?" Jake asks.
"She wouldn't lie to me about something like that. And I just know."
"So you gonna keep it?" Jake continues.
"Yeah, Man. Why the fuck not?" Jasper is irritated and he needs us to leave.
We won't.
"Dude, you could have told us." I try to reason.
"Seriously? Look who's talking. Mr Cullen and his undying love for Isabella Swan." Jasper shakes his head and downs his beer.
"I'm not the one who got a chick knocked up. Wait, if this is the case then that means Bella lied to me. She didn't fucking tell me."
"Yeah…chicks do that. They're trouble." Jake states.
"Shup the fuck up!" Jasper and I yell in unison.
"Look…Jasper you need to sort this shit out with Alice. And just so you know, I apologise for lying to you all this time. I didn't think you would accept her in my life. This thing with Alice, well fuck, it changes everything."
"I was wasted. I had no idea what I was doing. I feel nothing for her, but I'm not bailing on my kid." Jasper looks down, refusing to meet two sets of eyes.
I know he is lying. If he felt nothing for Alice he would never react so defensively. We don't budge on the discussion but instead, we change the topic and then later just go about doing our own shit in his basement.
Jake and I stay anyway and fall into an uncomfortable silence. I reach for the Xbox control and continue to play my game while Jake paces up and down.
Paranoid fucker.
After some time, I drop the control and say, "look Jasper, I gotta go. Thanks for telling us man, I'll catch up with you later?"
Jasper nods, not meeting my eyes. I shake the hands of my two best friends and walk out.
Climbing into my truck, I take a deep breath and text Bella.
Edward: I was at Jasper's. Got some news for you!
My girl responds immediately as I am backing out the long driveway.
Bella: News? Like what? Don't text and drive!
When I get to an intersection on the beach road, I type a quick reply.
Edward: I'll tell you later! Heading to my parent's house for a while.
Bella: I love you…
Beat, beat, beat.
Because I'm not ready to respond.
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Home…a place where someone not only lives, but where they feel loved and accepted. My home is wherever Bella is, but the brick mansion with floor to ceiling windows, was once my home.
The people that I am supposed to call my parents possess personas that are foreigners to me. And because of that, I feel like I never want to return to this place of pretence.
But I punch in my usual security code and wait for the tall iron gates to open. I cruise up the steep driveway on a rainy Sunday afternoon, and I park behind my mother's shiny SUV.
I am nervous but also content. Because unlike Esme and Carlisle, I know how to adapt and accept my surroundings.
Taking a deep breath, I turn off the ignition and step out onto the masonry tiled pathway. The front porch serves as the steps to a stage in a crowded venue.
I shouldn't be feeling this way. Home should be a place of love and trueness. The Cullen residence screams of everything that is fake.
So, stepping up the porch one-two-three, I walk towards the huge glass front door and I place my key in the lock.
Before I have a chance to turn the handle, the door swings open and it is none other than Esme Cullen.
Smudged make-up and creased attire is what greets me.
"Edward? Oh my God my baby boy is back." Esme rushes over slurring and miss-stepping. She is wearing a silk robe with bed slippers even though it midday. The woman who I am used to seeing as elegant appears ten years older and unlike her usual graceful demeanour, she stands before me as an un-kept drunk.
"Mom, what's wrong?"
"My baby." She walks up to me with open arms. "Come and give your mother a hug."
I step into her embrace because I can tell she needs my comfort. Esme has a problem and her husband isn't doing anything about it. And because I was away for so long, I cannot help but feel that her present state is my fault.
My mother is forgiven even before she apologises. I tell her that I am sorry, because it is the only thing that I can feel in this moment.
She cries-grips and never lets go.
I don't want her to because what if I need her just as much as she needs me?
"I don't want you to go. Please don't go back to her. I already lost one child." Esme begs. She always does this. She plays the miscarriage card whenever she seeks sympathy. But unlike my father, I fall for her pleas.
Because she is my mother and that is what I am supposed to do.
I'm supposed to be there for her.
So, I do.
"You can hardly stand up straight, Mom. Let me help you to your room." I say, my throat immediately groggy.
"Oh my baby. You look just like your father when he was your age. I wish he would come home too." She slurs.
What the fuck?
"What do you mean? Is dad still at work?" I ask while leading her up the staircase.
"Oh no, " a giggle escapes the lips of one of Treehavens most loyal country club-goer. "Carlisle doesn't give a shit that he left me in this big house. He's probably with her again. That fucking whore." She adds.
I am shocked, but silently tell myself that she is drunk and I need to make sure she gets to bed. Entering my parent's bedroom with my mother leaning on my arm, I lead her to the foot of their bed.
She immediately plops down onto her back and closes her eyes. For a moment, I stare at her, saddened by what I see.
I wonder if this is the disappointment that she felt when she found out about Bella and I.
And just like that, I am seven years old again. Watching my mother drown her sorrows and fade into depression.
I don't want this again. And I can tell neither does she.
By now a mother and son separation is out of the question. Alcohol is not the only liquid that this woman is drowning in. The tears that escapes her closed eyes makes me realise that she needs help.
Taking a deep breath, I stand up and walk over to my mother's bathroom. The medicine cabinet stands open with her pill bottles lying open. This isn't new to me. What I always failed to admit to myself is that my mother is a neurotic mess.
Staring and sulking won't bring me strength, so I reach for my phone and call the hardest rock I know.
She answers immediately.
"Edward? Are you okay honey?" Elizabeth's soothing voice whispers a million comforts.
"Hey gran. I need your help. I'm by Esme's. She's past out and I don't know what to do." I sigh, running my hands through my growing hair.
Because I am too young to be feeling this fucking old.
"Stay where you are. We will be right there." Gran assures, and then she hangs up.
I walk back into my mother's bedroom and observe her unconscious state. Something tells me that her reckless decisions were never my doings. Carlisle has the power to destroy their little soap opera, and she feels threatened.
I cover her figure halfway with the silk Champaign coloured sheet that is draped at the foot of the bed, and walk down the long hallway that leads to my room.
Stepping inside, everything is the same. Only now, it is neater and cleaner, polished and welcoming. My unmade sheets and clothing covered wooden floor is replaced with crisp covers and everything that is spacious.
I slouch down onto my bed and lay with my legs meeting the floor. Covering my face with my hands, I take a deep breath and allow the stressors of my life to overwhelm me.
I have become a king at worries. The girl that I am in love with is walking on egg shells and the two people who are supposed to be my role models are now skipping in trouble.
Do I really deserve this shit?
Just as I feel like all the weakness had polluted the strength in me, my phone vibrates in my pocket and my heart beat, beat, beats because it is the only voice I need to hear.
"Hey." My girl whispers.
"Hey." I sigh, continuing to lie on my bed.
"Is your parents happy to have you home?"
"Sought of." I don't elaborate.
With some silence, I sink into the soft breaths of the girl I love so hard. After a while, she says, "I'm sorry that I chased you away. The truth is, I need you here Edward. I just wish I didn't. You welcome to come back at anytime. The last thing I need is distance between us."
I smile weakly against the phone and tell her that I am thankful. This girl will never realise how much I need her. I admit to her that Esme is in a bad place right now and she agrees that I need to make sure that my mother is okay.
"I'll see you later and tell you everything okay?" I whisper.
"Yes. Thank you…"
"There's just so much shit happening around here." I sigh.
"Chin up kid, they'd kill to see you fall." Bella sing songs, I smile at her reference to one of my favourite songs.
"Bye Bells."
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"Edward, wake up honey?" Opening my eyes slowly, I am met with the concerned glare of my grandmother. She stands beside my bed with a steaming cup tea in her hand.
"Hey, Nan." I reach out and hug her. Returning my embrace, gran sets the cup onto my bedside table and takes a seat beside my lying figure.
"Marcus called your dad. He is staying in your family guest house in Newport."
"Did you know he moved out?" I ask while running my hands over my face.
"No Edward. Your parents have been very distant with us lately. But don't worry about it, we called Carlisle. He will be here as soon as his shift ends this evening."
I nod-yawn-stretch and place my head onto the pillow. I fucking missed the feeling of my own bed.
"I don't know why they putting me through this shit Gran. Do you think she's doing this to get me to come home?" I question, mentally running through the list of possible answers in my Bella-filled brain.
"No, Edward. Your mother has a problem. Maria called me yesterday. She mentioned that she will be off today, and that we should keep an eye on your mom."
"Doesn't Carlisle give a shit?" I ask, failing to hide the anger in my voice.
"He is tired, son. Tired of everything. Your mother needs help with her drinking. He is stressed out about your absence. He is stressed out about being chief…"
"Yeah." I interrupt. "I guess so."
"How is Bella doing?" Elizabeth whispers. Apart from this fucked up situation, just hearing her name welcomes instant relaxation.
"She's good. I'm heading back there once Carlisle gets home."
"Maybe you should stay at home and spend some time with your parents for a while?" There is a tinge of insecurity in her voice, but I get that this might be a good suggestion.
Climbing off of my bed, I walk over to my closet and grab some clean clothing, preparing myself for a shower.
My own shower in my own bathroom in my own fucking room.
After some chatting, Gran excuses herself, allowing me room to get cleaned up.
The warm droplets of water that connect against my skin manage to ease my tensed shoulders from witnessing my mother's unstable state. I can't remember the last time I took a shower alone, without worrying about the water running cold, or hormonal females banging on the door demanding that they need to pee.
Yeah, I share a bathroom with Bella and Rene. Besides the pink walls and cupboards filled with female shit, every corner of their bathroom is filled with tampax and hair removal creams. So standing in my own shower without that disturbances, is probably the best moment for me right now. If I had any more to jerk off, I probably would of just to add to my moment of tranquillity.
I can't remember the last time I was alone, in my own company.
But right now, everything also feels different and distant. I am existing in peace, knowing that my heart lies in the midst of the Slums.
And just when I am beginning to feel like this moment is too good to be true, my blissful time comes to an end when there is a knock on my bathroom door.
"I'll be a minute." I call out, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around my waist.
Assuming it is my grandparents, I exit the bathroom that leads directly into my bedroom. Carlisle is seated at the edge of my bed, all kinds of suit and tie. But apart from his external perfection, a lonely heartbroken man looms deep inside.
He doesn't meet my eyes. Instead, he stares at the tattoo across my chest.
Perfect sons are not supposed to have permanent markings. He probably thinks I did this to get some sort of attention. A cry for help as my almost-shrink would say. If only Carlisle knew the significance of the traces of ink across my chest.
"You're home." Is all the doc manages to mutter.
"I could say the same to you Dad." I state firmly.
"Well…if you were around for the last couple of months, you would know what has been happening around here."
"Yeah? Like the woman you're fucking behind Moms back? Or wait, the fact that your wife is an alcoholic? Who is taking care of her art galleries?" I Question, my sudden need for answers heats up the air in the room.
"First of all Edward, I am not seeing anyone. If you were at home, you would've known that your mother was diagnosed with depression. I have accompanied her to numerous doctors and she has been to psychotherapy and treated with the appropriate medication. I went away for a while because I just needed some time to breathe. Your absence is only perpetuating your mother's condition."
Leaning against the wall, I look down at my feet and try to process this new information. I am immediately hit with guilt, because while I was held up with Bella's recovery, I didn't take the time to think about what my parents were going through. But just like that, I remember that they were the ones to refuse my ultimatum.
"She looked fine three days ago." I whisper, continuing to stare at the ground.
"Her low moods come and go Edward. Your mother is unstable right now, whereas three days ago she was fine. We have people managing her galleries so financially, things do not change. She needs you here. I need you here, Edward." I meet my father's empty green eyes, and I know that a decision needs to be made.
"What about when I go to college? Or when I go play away games over the weekend? Why can't you hire somebody to make sure she is…normal or whatever?"
"Edward, her mood swings are episodic. She just needs us right now. That is also why I arranged family therapy for the three of us. We need to get back the powerful union we once were not so long ago."
"You mean perfect and judgemental and fake? I'm not that person anymore. I am in love. And where I go, Bella goes too. Or at least where I go, she is accepted and appreciated."
Love is the absence of all judgement.
"Why are you bringing her into this? This is about our family. She's as good as new. Don't you think it's time to focus on us as a family now?"
"What the fuck? I'm eighteen, Dad. Legally I can move the fuck out." The rush of sudden anger that I am feeling in response to Carlisle's continuous disapproval makes me just want to leave.
I walk back into my bathroom and throw on some clothing, ignoring the irrational requests of a stubborn doctor who shares my blood.
"Then allow her to come back with you?" Carlisle takes a deep breath, and crosses his arms against his chest.
"What did you say?" I stop in mid-air, with my freezing hand gripped onto the zip of my hoody. "Did you just say Bella can come back with me?" I lift my eyebrow.
"Not to live here of course, but she can come over, if it will make you stay here."
"Okay." I whisper, grabbing my keys.
I jog down the stairs with my father following behind. My grandparents are seated in the dining room having a silent conversation. I know they must have convinced him to give me my way, because Carlisle's expression contradicted the words that left his mouth.
"Then allow her to come back with you."
I greet my grandparents and thank them for all their help. Marcus slips five hundred dollars into my pocket, saying, "use this for gas."
"Thanks old man." I smirk.
I don't turn around to greet my father. Something tells me he knows I will come back soon. I got the fucking message.
Listening to old hip hop rap, I drive to my girl in the hard pouring rain.
When I return, Bella is lying on the couch playing with Rene's hair. I laugh, because she is watching Napoleon Dynamite again. I wave over at her mother and nod my head towards the staircase, motioning for Bella to follow me.
When I enter her room, I collect my duffel bag that holds days of clothing stuffed inside, and look around for my discarded clothing.
"Are you leaving?" My girl enters. She looks nervous.
"Yeah." I whisper.
"So…so I guess I will see you at school tomorrow" She asks, biting her lip.
"Yeah." I say again, throwing my clothing out of her neatly packed cupboard, into another bag.
"Okay." She looks down. She is hurt.
"Bella, there are so many things I have to tell you. And by the way, Jasper told me about Alice. I don't know why you didn't tell me…"
"I'm sorry." My girl interrupts. "If that is why you're leaving then I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep it from you. After the accident I just…I couldn't think of that because I couldn't really remember. I am so sorry..." As Bella continues to mumble, I step towards her and place my lips on hers, silencing the room.
As we cherish this moment of tangled tongues, she eventually draws her lips away and waits for my verbal response.
"My father just told me that my mother was diagnosed with depression. I am packing my bags so that I can put it into my truck tomorrow morning. And Bella, I am not leaving. I will never leave for good. Tomorrow, you and I will enter Treehaven High, hand in hand and no one can fucking do or say anything." I pronounce.
"So you're not leaving then?" She looks up, the anxiety still present on her face. I get why she is acting this way. My girl's actions are a reflection on her dependency on this love.
She cannot help it and neither can I. So I smile at her and say, "Carlisle said he's cool with you coming over." I don't mention that he might have been forced to say that.
"Really?" Her face welcomes an immediate smile.
"Yeah. So tomorrow after school, I'll drop you at home. And then I will go back for soccer training, and then maybe you can crash at my place? I don't want to go sleep without you by my side." I mention, placing the palm of my hands on her gentle warm cheeks.
She nods, portraying an innocent smile.
"From now on, it's about you and me Bella. The rest of everything can wait. I am not going to put you second anymore. I promise you that."
I remove my shoes and lift my hoody over my head. In the corner of the room, Bella's school bag is neatly packed.
"Okay." She nods, climbing into her bed.
"I'm going to go say good night to Rene. Do you need anything from downstairs?" Is ask, exiting her room.
"No, thanks. I left some food for you in the oven." She blows me a kiss and snuggles into her sheets.
I smile and pretend to reach into the air and grab the kiss. I feel stupid and love sick.
But maybe that's exactly what I am.
Jogging down the narrow staircase, I meet Rene in the kitchen and slide over the five hundred dollars that gramps gave me.
"My contribution." I smile at this amazing woman.
Rene is seated on the kitchen stool, eating fries and filling in a crossword puzzle in a gossip magazine. She raises her eyebrow and glances over at the money, and then meets my eyes.
"Cullen, just because you are staying her, temporarily…doesn't mean I want your daddy's money."
"It's my money and I want to help out. I eat up all your food." I attempt to sound nonchalant.
"No way. Take it back." She lifts up her hand in objection.
"Fine. I'll just buy Bella something then. That expensive bottle of wine" I tease.
"Whatever boy, I just can't accept your money. Thanks anyway." She smiles.
I return the smile and call over a goodnight.
"Wait. There's some chicken in the oven. Don't waste my good cooking, good looking." She teases.
I walk over to the oven and remove a chipped white plate with two pieces of chicken and mashed potato. Every night Rene has ensured that I was comfortable and fed. The little things that they do are filled with so much love and care.
I think about all the food Maria prepares for my family, not because we expect lots of guests, but because we can afford to dine like kings each night.
The Swans struggle to get by but they are willing to share and divide their last slice of bread if it means feeding the next person.
The world really needs to know how fucking amazing these people are.
I eat in silence, while Rene asks me random questions about the answers to her incomplete crossword puzzle.
I thank her for the food and then place my empty dish into the sink to rinse. Although I am still hungry, the fact that they are so caring, love fills my stomach with appreciation.
I say good night to Rene once again and pour Bella a glass of water.
Entering her room, I close the door behind me and turn off her main light. Her back is to the door, but I know she remains awake. I step out of my tracksuit pants and lift my sweater over my head. Walking the short distance over to her bed, I cuddle up behind my girl and place gentle kisses onto her shoulder.
She grabs my hand in hers and places it to her lips.
"Good night Edward Cullen." She whispers.
"Good night Isabella Swan." I whisper back.
And this is what we are. No defenders and no offsides.
Apart from all our troubles-differeces-drama, we keep our chins up and get back into the same bed. Surrounded by a space where two hearts beat together as one.
I know that every night for the rest of my life I will repeat those four words. Whether in absence or up front, my girl will get her good night.
And tomorrow, when we awake and return to school as a unit, I will fight, defend and score with everything that I am.
Because I am in love with that girl.
The girl with the long brown hair, deep dimpled smiles and eyes too big.
And it's time for the entire world to know.
Bella will always be my right kind of wrong.
Sadly, people only see the wrong.
Love can rate-shake-break you.
But love can also make you.
Our companionship has nothing to do with the rest of our generation not being in love and not being together.
We're just are what we are and that is what love is.
Love is falling asleep next to a beating heart that holds the power to destroy you.
Love is taking risks and expecting the safest outcome.
So as I lay in bed, I close my eyes and breathe in the strawberry scent of a girl that I am too young to love this hard. I mentally recap my plans for this up and coming week, crossing my fingers under the sheets, hoping it won't fail.
Beat, beat, beat.
Because all we can do is win.
A/N: Mmm...I wonder what Edward could be planning. I hope you all enjoyed this. Please share your thoughts :-)
Thanks for reading.