A/N:
Okay, so this chapter turned out different than planned. As I started wrapping things up, I realized I was really rushing things. So we're going to park here for a while longer and dive deeper before getting to the next time jump.
Response to comments:
MG—Nashville: Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, it always encourages me to hear from new readers and it helps me stay inspired.
Guest (Sept 16): Well, yes. The story is definitely asking me to keep going. Actually, it's not just asking but demanding. The ideas keep coming and the characters have a life of their own and are pushing me out of their way. It's always been them, the ones in charge but now they're louder than ever, lol.
IAMSCANDALLOVER: Yes. I am writing more. Part of me is happy to keep writing and part of me is terrified of ending up writing another 38 chapters before it finally ends. Nearly every time I start writing a chapter, I tell myself I'm going to keep it nice and short but the chapters just keep getting longer (help!) Writing is my addiction :) and with this story I could easily get carried away, and keep writing as long as the ideas keep flowing naturally and the characters keep talking to me.
Dispatcher: I was stuck writing the details of what happened to Sparky and it was just stopping me from writing the chapter so I skipped them.
Guest (chapter 37, August 19) Bella will have a greater role in this story as she grows older. I did pack a lot in that chapter in my efforts to keep moving forward and bring it closer to the end. This chapter is just as long but it has a different feel to it. Here, I'm stepping back and letting the characters be. There is some Olitz, a little romance. And the three kids are at different stages and each one has its own charm. That's part of the reason we're parking here before moving on, to enjoy them a little while longer because in real life they grow up all too fast.
"Flappiness: When it comes to expressing happiness, there are no wrong ways."
-Amythest Schaber-
As soon as Fitz got off the phone, a over-zealous reporter shoved a microphone in his face.
"Sir, do you live here? How do you feel knowing that Edison Davis, the man accused of shooting his Fiancee paid your wife a visit?
"No comment, no comment." Fitz curtly replied going around the other side of the police car to get Teddy.
"What about the allegations of domestic violence when Mr. Davis and your wife lived together?"
Fitz turned, suddenly indignant, facing the cameraman. "You people should be out there covering the fires."
"Are you aware there's a man hunt underway for Mr. Davis? How do you feel about this? How does your wife feel about this? "
Fitz sneered at the reporter before lifting Teddy into his arms and dashing back to the house. He briefly wondered who had tipped-off the media; it seemed unlikely they would have found out otherwise.
When Fitz came back in the house with Teddy running ahead, Olivia and Abby were trying to console Karen who was still in tears over Sparky. As soon as Karen saw Fitz she ran into her daddy's arms.
"Shsh….honey. Sparky is going to be okay," Fitz kissed the top of her head. After a moment, he again expressed his desire to leave Los Angeles, his gaze shifting between the two women. "How soon before we're all packed up and ready to go?"
"A couple of hours at least," Olivia said while keeping an eye on Bella who was playing on the floor next to her with a teething ring.
"I talked to David," Abby said. "He says he sees no need to leave the city."
"Call him again and put him on speaker."
David's voice came through with static and rushed; there was a lot of background noise. "Fitz, it's not really as bad as the news is making it out to be. We've had wildfires before, it's never as bad as they're making it out to be. "
"David, there are wildfires sprouting everywhere. This time is different. We're leaving; we're not waiting to see if another fire will spark in our neighborhood. We're not taking any chances." Fitz spoke with conviction. The uncertainty was killing him; leaving was the only way he could be sure his family was safe.
Once again David reiterated his belief that everything was going to be okay. "Hey, Abby was telling me about Edison. That must have been quite a scare. It's all over the news.
"Fitz, I think we'll stay put," Abby said. Both Olivia and Fitz were surprised to see Abby in agreement; normally, she opposed David's decisions just for the heck of it.
Olivia shook her head. "Abby, please. Come with us," Olivia said after they ended the call with David. She doubted Abby would want to leave without David but it was worth a shot. Abby shook her head, her expression hesitant yet she said nothing.
While the adults were still talking, Teddy came up to Karen and most unexpectedly leaned in to kiss her cheek. In response, Karen rubbed her cheek and gazed back at her brother in surprise; the tender gesture made Karen feel better instantly.
Olivia's heart did a little flip. It felt so good to witness their bond growing stronger as they grew older. "Karen, Teddy, come and help me pack," she said encouragingly. Wordlessly, she picked up Bella and transferred her daddy's arms while he was in conversation with Abby, and then the kids followed her into the master bedroom.
"How are we going to fit all my toys in this tiny suitcase?" Karen's heart sank when she unzipped the travel bag her mother had given her.
"We can't take everything, K. Just put in the most important things you want with you for the weekend like your Barbies and your favorite books."
"Teddy wants nu-ggets." Teddy whined. It was past dinner time (and he always had nuggets for dinner) and everyone seemed too preoccupied to even think about eating.
"Hold on, sweetheart." She could hear Fitz rumbling in the kitchen cupboards, probably getting a snack for Bella. "Go and ask Daddy to fix you something to eat. Yes? Olivia said to Teddy searching his gaze. There was so much to think about, she felt overwhelmed.
Teddy said nothing and simply ran off toward the kitchen.
Karen gave Olivia a semi- hopeful look. "Are we going on vacation?" She didn't remember ever going on a vacation but she'd heard her friends talk about them.
"Not exactly," Olivia said, distracted with the million things she needed to do. While she really didn't think their home was in danger of being destroyed by the wildfires, it was still stressful trying to think of the worst case scenario and decide what to take with them. Photo albums, important documents, jewelry and clothing for everyone in the family. Hmm…there must be something important she was forgetting, though.
"Mommy, can we go see Sparky before we go?"
The question tug at Olivia's heartstrings. The truth was she had no idea of Sparky's condition. When the police officer brought Sparky to her, she'd been afraid to look too closely. All she knew was that the dog had been struck with something. Just the thought of Edison hurting such an innocent creature made her blood boil.
"Honey, we can't. Sparky is going to have to spend the night at the animal hospital, but we will call the vet, I promise." She said, desperately wanting to change the subject. The more she thought Sparky's condition the angrier she became.
Right then, Abby poked her head through the door to the Karen's bedroom and gave the kids and Olivia a good-bye hug.
"I will check on Sparky in the morning," Abby promised. Then, she turned to Olivia. "Hey, don't worry. We're gonna be okay. We'll see how it is tomorrow."
"I will still worry, you know how I am," Olivia gave her friend a thin smile. "Promise me that you will leave if…"
"Yes, mother. I solemnly promise. I will also eat my veggies and say my nighttime prayers. " Abby smirked in an effort to downplay the situation but Olivia was not amused. Abby let out a huff or air. "Okay, fine. I promise we will pack our bags if things are not better by tomorrow."
"Abs. You're the only good friend I have," Olivia said, tears welling in her eyes. It had been a long horrible day, and her emotions were all over the place. "What would I do without you?"
Abby was a little shocked. For the first time, she fully considered how lucky they'd all been that the situation with Edison had resolved the way it did. "I wouldn't know what to do without you, either, Liv. You're the sister I never had."
By the time Olivia and Karen had finished packing, Fitz had fixed sandwiches for everyone except for Teddy and the baby. Teddy's insistence on sameness meant that he always had chicken nuggets for dinner come rain or shine. So he had just finished the last of his nuggets and Bella was playing contentedly in her playpen. Fitz had just stepped out for a moment to go into the garage after unplugging their home computer with the intention of tossing it in the trunk.
Tonight was certainly a break from their normal routine. They ate on the go. They had to leave now if they didn't want to be stuck on the road past midnight. The tentative plan was to drive 60 miles north and stop at a hotel for the night. After that, they would need to play things by ear.
One hour later, Fitz and Olivia and the children were ready to go. By then, the police and the reporters were gone from the property to attend to other emergencies.
What Kind of a Coward Was I?
As they drove past the outskirts of the city of Burbank blanketed with a cloud of smoke, a surreal scene unfolded in as bright flames could be seen coming over the hilltops to the north of Los Angeles.
Olivia looked out the back window one last time, leaving behind the nightmare of the last few hours. Facing forward, she turned to Fitz in the driver seat and they exchanged a look of complete and utter understanding. Everything was going to be okay, they were together now.
While Fitz concentrated on his driving, Olivia looked out the passenger window took a deep breath and tried to relax. But her mind kept pondering on everything that had happened, ideas tumbling in her head, ordering and re-ordering.
The question that kept bugging her again and again was whether Mary Ann, Edison's mother, had known that Edison had been the one who killed her daughter. That certainly explained why he was never caught. The thought made her angry. She was freaking angry at the man. She was angry at herself for her passive reaction when he confessed. She wished now she had called him out on it. The son-of-a-bitch had the nerve to blame her after what he'd done. She wished she had spit in his face for all the times he had played her, for all the times he had made her feel guilty as though she had been the one behind the wheel.
"Edison told me he was the one driving the car. He was the one who killed Peggy, she said in a thin hushed voice, after they'd driven in near silence for at least an hour. The kids were asleep in the back of their SUV. Bella looked angelic—her left cheek resting on the padded bar of her infant car-seat sandwiched between Karen and Teddy.
"What?" Fitz turned to look at her for a fraction of a second in confusion at the sudden change in their conversation, taking care to still keep his eyes on the road.
""He left her there to die, you know that? What kind of a monster does that? It happened only a couple of blocks away from home. One of the neighbors found her and came to tell us what happened." Olivia cried. The retelling was always hard; as it was she'd avoided for years giving voice to the details, other than Fitz the only other person she'd ever told was Abby. "After all these years, and here I was hating the hit- and- run driver... and it turned out it had been him all along. And now…" She went on after a short heavy pause. "It' s killing me just thinking. How did Edison get away with this all these years? How did he do it? Did Mary Ann know? Was she guilty of aiding and abetting him after the fact?" Somehow, she couldn't reconcile the picture of the woman who been like a second mother to her with the act of abetting a killer even if the killer himself had been her own son.
"You sound angry."
"I am angry. It's really killing me not knowing exactly what happened. My mind keeps replaying the details and they don't seem to add up."
Fitz took a deep breath and let it out slowly, staring at the road sign that read Ventura County city limits. Maybe that's one of those questions in life that we won't truly ever have an answer for. Maybe it's best to let it go. Otherwise it would be like driving distracted by things in the rearview mirror, fixated on things that have gone by."
Olivia shook her head."I will always lament what happened to Peggy but that doesn't mean that I'm stuck in the past." She paused, reflecting. She didn't want it all to simply go away as though it never mattered. It mattered! She needed answers, she needed closure. Peggy's life had meant more than that; it was not some unfortunate incident destined to be swept under the rug. Maybe all she needed to do was explain what Peggy meant to her and then he would understand. "I remember us walking home from school. She had the most genuine smile, she cheered me up when I was down. and I never really gave her anything in return." A huge lump settled in her throat. Yes, it was more than that actually. Peggy's home have been her refuge, the only place where she felt happy and expression darkened as a sliver of regret flashed across her face. "And then as we grew older all I cared about was being part of the in-crowd. Still Peggy wanted to hang-out with me at school. I should have done something when she was teased for being different. I was a coward."
"Livvie, baby, you can't keep beating yourself up. You were only seventeen, a child really. " Fitz said sincerely, casting her a quick sidelong glance as he drove, wishing he could truly help her come to terms with her behavior and forgive her younger self. He reached for her hand. She clasped his hand and tried to smile at the gesture, tears stinging her eyes.
He could only imagine how much Olivia must have suffered back when tragedy struck. The guilt. How many nights did she lay awake wishing she could turn back time and do things differently?
He could certainly relate. There had been times in his life when he had wished for another chance to go back and make different choices. Regrets. Yes, he had a few, and they all involved his first wife Mellie. Thinking back, there were times when he felt awful. His whole marriage to Mellie had been a time of great turmoil. When Fitz learned of her unfaithfulness shortly after Teddy's diagnosis, he spent days berating himself, wishing he' d never married her. If only he'd known what he knew today, if only he had listened to his parents' advice and chosen to end their engagement instead of marrying her.
"I was a coward, Fitz," she reiterated, drying the tears from her eyes.
"I was a Coward too, a fool." Fitz said suddenly. "I married Mellie, the greatest mistake of my life."
Olivia let out a tiny sigh. "C'mon, Fitz. You're not being fair to yourself…"
"No, no, really. Think about it. "Why didn't I meet you sooner? What kind of a coward was I to marry her and not wait for you to show up?"
"Fitz, I…you can't—she shook her head. "It's silly."
"I know. It's silly. I can't change the past. And even if I could, would I want to? If I did there would be no Teddy and no Karen."
"Right, that's why it's silly. But my situation is different. "
"Really? Is it really?" He asked pointedly. "How are the two situations different?"
"I was the only true coward here." She went on, catching a flicker of disapproval on his expression as he drove. "In your situation, no one died as a result of your actions or inaction for that matter."
He was tempted to argue back, to tell her that while his marriage Mellie had not resulted in physical death, the death of a marriage was a tragic event nonetheless. "I'm worried about you, Liv. How long are you going to keep re-living the past and blaming yourself? How long will enough be enough?
Fitz glanced at her for a fraction of a second but she avoided his gaze. Edison's 'little visit' had been a catalyst to the past. It had showed her that the old feelings were still there after all."
"I think you' ve made amends, many times over, actually. You have done good. You have made a difference in people's lives... Probably more than you remember. Don't you think?"
"Hmm…I guess." She mumbled rather reluctantly.
"I bet that if you sat down and made a list..." He paused, glancing over at her wanting to convey in that single look how much he admired her. "Liv, life is like a road with many turns. Sometimes the road ahead is crystal clear but more often than not it isn't. And we end up making the wrong turn even though we had GPS. Every one makes mistakes but that doesn't mean they have to pay for it every second of the rest of their lives. Sometimes good people make bad choices, it doesn't mean that they're bad, it means that they're human."
Olivia took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You make it sound so simple. I really wish I could stop thinking."
"Olivia, you've made something of your life. You mean so much to me and the kids. You can't let the past define you." He gave her a long sidelong glance. "Maybe you need to work through this…get counseling if you need to."
"Counseling?" She let out a dry chuckle. She was a clinical psychologist, wasn't she? She of all people would know if she needed counseling.
"I'm serious, Liv. I'm not a psychologist, but even I can see that this pattern of beating yourself up for your mistakes is not something you want to pass on to the children."
Olivia flinched a little. What her husband said struck a nerve. She could imagine the girls, Karen and Bella one day berating themselves over their failures or mistakes. As to Teddy, she suspected he was sort of immune to that kind of thinking (maybe she was wrong here, she didn't know). He was more of 'in the moment' kind of person, less likely to be bogged down by the past (but then again, he was only four and a half).
When she didn't respond right away, he assumed she was still unconvinced that she had a problem. How come she couldn't see she needed to break the chains of the past, that she deserved to be set free once and for all?
"What's the pay- off?" Fitz found himself proving further. He didn't want to alienate her but they still had a long way to go before they reached Bakersfield.
"Huh?"
"Is the gain worth the pain?"
"Fitz. This is an isolated incident. I'm not in the habit of beating myself down." She turned and looked out the window. There was nothing to look at but the darkness of the night, the gesture clearly indicating that as far as she was concerned the subject was now closed.
Fitz decided not to prove any further thinking he didn't want to permanently alienate his wife. Besides, all things considered, she was doing pretty well considering the hell she'd been through in the past eight hours.
Family time
They drove for another forty miles. She closed her eyes and tried to rest but the wheels in her mind kept turning. Fitz didn't speak again until they reached the closest hotel, a Best Western. After discussing it with Olivia he parked by the entrance and booked two adjoining rooms: One for Olivia and the girls and the other for Fitz and Teddy. Each room had two queen beds so technically the kids could sleep in one room while they slept in the other one, but they figured Karen would probably end up sleeping with Olivia and Teddy with Fitz.
Teddy and Karen woke up from their naps almost as soon as they shut down the engine. While Fitz went inside the lobby to reserve the rooms, the bell hop came out to the car and started assisting them with the luggage. Karen and Teddy were excited and asking questions. This was to be their first time ever at a hotel. Bella slept a little longer snuggled in her car-seat until after the loud voices of her siblings became too much. And then she remained quiet in her seat, following them around with her eyes as though she was watching an entertaining TV show.
While Fitz assembled the porta-crib for Bella to sleep in, Olivia tried her best to respond to the needs of all three kids.
"It was a dream, Karen. That's all it was, sweetheart." Olivia said to Karen and then turned her attention back to Teddy. She was trying to explain to him that where they were and that their sleeping arrangements while Karen kept interrupting.
"He was in heaven," Karen reiterated for the third time in the last five minutes, wanting her mother's full attention. "I tried to take him in my arms and hug him but he kept floating away in a cloud," Karen said with a worried expression. "Mommy, can we call Aunt Abby now and ask how Sparky is doing?"
Olivia's heart went out to Karen and was trying her best to be extra patient. But she also needed to keep an eye on Teddy who became fixated on turning the air conditioning unit off and then on again, and she had to keep re-directing him.
"Karen, honey, it's nighttime. Aunt Abby is going to call us in the morning. Okay? Everyone is sleeping right now even Sparky." Olivia said and Karen looked at her with a resigned expression.
"My bed. My train table." Teddy murmured almost on the verge of tears.
"Your bed and train table are back at home," Olivia re-assured him. "When we get back home everything is going to be there, I promise. It's just that for tonight we're going to sleep here. You're going to wear your blue PJ's and read Wacky Wednesday just like at home and then you will lay down to sleep on this pillow. It's going to be a little different, I know. This is a big bed. But daddy is going to sleep on this other pillow beside you on this same bed. I'm going to be in the next room close by with Karen and Bella," She added, taking Teddy by the hand and taking him over to the other room, really wishing the hotel room had provided them a rocking chair as it would make it a lot easier to soothe both Teddy and Bella. Both kids were used to mom or dad rocking them to sleep. Karen tagged along and showed her little brother where everyone would be sleeping. They walked by Fitz just as he finished putting up the crib's rails.
The three of them returned to the first room which Karen dubbed as the 'boy's room'. Olivia kept chattering away, painting pictures of future events in her son's head, knowing that Teddy usually became more cooperative when he knew what to expect. "And in the morning, you'll be in this same bed when you wake up. And it's going to be a great day, a beautiful sunny day. And I will come in and say good morning. And you will get dressed and brush your teeth. And then we'll go to the restaurant and we'll sit down for breakfast. All of us together, just like we do at home. You, Daddy, Karen, Bella and me. And you can have eggs, bacon and waffles or Cheerios… anything you want," she added this last part mostly for Karen's benefit. She was happy to see that Teddy was starting to look a little more relaxed.
Karen looked at her mother with wide jubilant eyes. "We can have anything we want for breakfast?"
Olivia nodded, smiling.
"Chocolate covered pancakes too?"
"Yep. I think so. All you have to do is ask, as long as you mind your manners, of course."
Shortly after that, Olivia unstrapped Bella out of her car-seat and held her tightly against her chest. She was such a good happy baby. "How's my little sweetie?" she cooed. Bella smiled the brightest of smiles.
In the adjoining room, Fitz started helping Teddy get ready for bed.
Karen strolled between the rooms inspecting everything with a sense of adventure. At one point, she sat down at a table with the hotel stationary and said she was going to write a letter to her grandparents in Italy. "I'm going to write it in Italian," she announced enthusiastically. But halfway through the letter, she became sidetracked with practicing her cursive writing and then frustrated because she couldn't erase as she was writing with a pen. So she decided to start over with a new sheet of paper.
While Karen was occupied, Olivia had settled in bed to nurse the baby and Fitz read Wacky Wednesday to Teddy who was snuggled warmly under the covers.
"Mommy, can you open this?" Karen walked over to Olivia with a sealed water bottle with a Best Western welcome tag and Fitz was reading "No, K. Look in the blue bag. We brought our own bottled water."
"Oh, mommy, but this water is special. I bet it's REALLY good. Pleeease?"
Olivia almost said yes, thinking poor Karen had dealt with a lot for one day. Thankfully Fitz rescued her.
"C'mon, Karen, water is water. Kirkland water is just as good as Arrowhead." Fitz said from the other room. From his position he could see into the other room. "Are you finished with your letter?"
"Hmm. I'll finish it tomorrow."
"You need to get in the shower and in your PJ's young lady. Can you do that?"
Karen grumbled a "yes, daddy" under her breath while getting a Kirkland a bottle out of the blue bag. After taking a couple of sips, she set the bottle on a dresser.
"Come, I'll get you started." Fitz said handing his son the book they'd been reading. "I'll be right back, Teddy." He added, heading toward the bathroom in the girls' room with Karen trailing behind him. He turned the knobs in the shower and adjusted the water temperature. At home they had two knobs for hot and cold but here there was only one knob. This knob was ultra-sensitive; a slight turn and the water temperature drastically changed to either freezing cold or burning hot. "Okay. It's perfect right now. Don't try to change it, it can get really, REALLY hot. Don't touch the knob. Okay?"
"Okay." Karen replied while inspecting the hotel' s miniature shampoo and soap bottles. She thought they were adorable and would be perfect for her dollies at home.
"Don't turn it off. Just come out when you're done and either me or mommy will come to turn it off. Okay?" He said and waited for confirmation. He wanted to make sure Karen understood the instructions before leaving her to get undressed.
Just as he exited the bathroom, Fitz heard the unmistakable sound of broken glass.
While his parents had been otherwise occupied, Teddy had gotten out of bed and navigated to the alcove next to the other bathroom which had a long vanity with two sinks and a mirror. He then grabbed a drinking glass and in one mere fraction of a second made it land on the tiled floor.
Fitz got there first. Olivia rushed over in an alarmed frame of mind seconds later after settling Bella in her crib. "Oh, God!" Olivia mumbled. Their four year old was standing very still in the middle of shards of glass. This was turning out to be the LONGEST day of their lives. "Teddy, don't move, don't touch," she admonished, as he tried to bend down and pick up the broken glass. In her mind's eye, she saw herself rushing to the ER with a screaming Teddy, terrified and in need of stitches.
"Teddy, up," Fitz murmured, taking one long step forward and reaching for his son, effectively preventing him from crouching down to pick up the broken glass. In turn, Teddy became visibly upset but at least he now had him safely away from the glass.
"Liv, call housekeeping," Fitz said when Olivia moved to try to pick up the broken pieces.
"Ah. Yes!" Olivia let out a sigh of relief, and shared a moment with Fitz. They were both on the same page here: 'hey, let's get the kids to bed ASAP!'
Teddy wiggled himself free from Fitz's arms and insisted on wanting to go back to the alcove, so Fitz had to block the entrance. Teddy was getting himself really worked up and was not listening to reason.
Fitz and Olivia were starting to feel discouraged. It had been an awful day and it was understandable for Teddy to be acting up when his world had been turned upside down, but they still felt awful about it.
Thankfully, housekeeping came shortly after to clean up the alcove and its surrounding areas, effectively distracting Teddy, calming him down almost instantly.
Fitz let out a good-natured chuckle watching Teddy's expression of sheer joy the moment he saw the housekeeper haul into the room a vacuum cleaner—his latest obsession nowadays. But this vacuum wasn't just any old ordinary vacuum cleaner (like the one back home). This vacuum was HUGE like a bulldozer and ALL POWERFUL!
"He loves vacuums, " Fitz explained. "He' ll become your best friend if you let him touch it before you turn it on."
The housekeeper smiled warmly at Teddy and let him touch and examine the vacuum from every angle as though it was an exhibit at a museum.
"Teddy helps!" He called out, his voice rising, struggling to be heard above the steady noise made by the vacuum.
"Sorry, buddy. You're benched this time around." Fitz smiled. "That just means that you get to watch and that's it. But at least you and I got front row tickets to this game, okay?" he joked.
Teddy continued to be as happy as a clam. Just being in presence of the vacuum was rewarding in itself. He did a happy little jump with both feet into the air—turning his wrists downwards and then pacing back and forth excitedly. The mannerism-an integral part of Teddy' s uniqueness as a human being- was admittedly a little peculiar. It was a remnant if you will, of his hand-flapping days.
Fitz remembered wishing back then that Teddy would stop the hand flapping even if it only surfaced occasionally-mostly when he was excited. Like most parents, Fitz only wanted for his son to be accepted. Yet, somehow, he couldn't picture himself telling his son sometime in the future that his way of expressing happiness was inappropriate, in an effort to save him from being teased by his peers. And it felt wrong. It would be akin to crushing his spirit, telling him it was not okay to be himself. He didn't know if one day he would change his mind about it as Teddy grew older, but for now, both he and Olivia agreed telling him would be wrong.
While the housekeeper cleaned up, Olivia returned to the adjoining room and checked on the girls. The seven- year old was out of the shower and dressed in cute pair of Disney Moana pajamas and attempting to pull out the hairdryer attached to wall in the alcove outside the bathroom, even though she was tall, it was still slightly above her reach.
Olivia first turned off the faucet in the shower and then returned to help Karen. The first thing she noticed was how this dryer had only two settings: low and high. The low setting was too cold to do anything and the high setting was too hot.
"I can do it myself," Karen said.
"Don't put it to close to your scalp, okay?" Olivia mumbled, walking over to get Bella who was starting to get fussy, she was finding it hard to settle down to sleep in her new environment. Olivia lifted her into her arms and the child was so tired she wrapped her arms around her mommy and rested her head on her shoulders.
"You don't have to stand there watching, mommy. I'm almost eight," Karen said as Olivia came to stand behind her with Bella in her arms.
"Right. Except you're really seven," Olivia smirked. "Anyway, I'm just making sure you use the dryer correctly. Too much heat can burn you and damage your hair."
"Please, Mommy. I can do it all by myself. I'll keep the hair dryer moving and not in one spot, you'll see."
Olivia hesitated but then took a few steps back. "Hmm…okay." She pretended she really wasn't supervising but in truth she kept an eye on Karen the entire time.
At last, Karen was done. She actually did a good job with her hair—it was short and straight and it dried evenly.
"Oh, mommy. Poor Bella, she's tired," Karen said, rubbing the baby's chubby leg. Bella had fallen asleep on Olivia's shoulder, lulled by the humming of the hairdryer. Hallelujah!
"Well, look at that. Now, guess who else needs to get under the covers?"
"Ah…mommy."
Olivia smiled to herself. Karen looked so cute when she pouted like that. "Hop, hop, get in bed. Did you know it after eleven?" Most reluctantly, Karen climbed in bed while Olivia put the baby down in her crib. Aw. Yes! Nothing sweeter than a sleeping baby. With a contented sigh, she then peeked into the other room and was surprised to see that the housekeeper was gone and that Teddy was already tucked in bed, looking very drowsy. Part of her wanted to say good-night to him and part of her was screaming: DON'T! She suppressed a gasp. What if he's suddenly reminded he's not home and then it takes another two hours for him to go to back to sleep!
Even though the lights were dimmed, her eyes quickly adjusted, taking in her husband's silhouette lying down and propped on one elbow next to their son. As their eyes met, he winked at her, beckoning her with those sexy eyes of his. Surely this couldn't mean what she was thinking, could it ? Her lips smiled as a delightful shiver ran down to her toes at the mere thought of doing the deed. But wait. What about the kids?
"I'll be back," she mumbled wordlessly.
"You better," Fitz said in the smallest of whispers, sporting a boyish look that instantly reminded her how she freaking adored this man.
Oh, God, if there was a time she wished they were home was right now. How she longed to just be able to climb in bed with him just like any other ordinary day; their limbs—supple and long- tangled around each other Oh, well. If there was something she'd learned in the past twelve hours was that today had been anything but ordinary.
Speaking of time...
A furtive glance at the clock sitting on the nightstand beside Fitz and she was shocked to realize it was now fifteen minutes before midnight. Two down and one to go, she thought, when she realized Teddy had fallen asleep.
With that thought swirling in her head, she blew her darling husband a kiss and a wink before disappearing into the other room.
Fifteen minutes later, Karen was finally in bed and Olivia turned out the lights and climbed in bed with Karen with a long sigh of relief.
"Mommy, I can't sleep."
"Close your eyes," Olivia whispered. "And count sheep. Don't stop until you reached one hundred."
"I already counted to three hundred," Karen whined.
"Count to a thousand then."
"Mommy? "
Olivia was so tired she considered pretending she was asleep.
"Mommy?"
"Karen, please…just go to sleep."
"I can't! When I close my eyes, I see these little teeny black dots, they look like faces. But they're really dark. Do you see them?"
"Huh? NO."
"They're almost like emojis. They're really really tiny. Except they're not cute like emojis."
Olivia grumbled something unintelligible, eyes closed.
"Can you see them, mommy? They're dark, not yellow."
"Huh? A thousand sheep already?"
"They're everywhere I look. If you close your eyes really tight you' ll see them too." Karen waited a moment for her mother to respond. When she doesn't she continues talking anyway. "Jenny has a cute emoji purse. Can you get me one just like hers? Then we'd be like twins."
Once again Olivia grumbled something, eyes half-open. Oh, Lord, help me!
"Jenny says they're only a dollar at the dollar store. Can we go tomorrow, pleeease?"
In response, Olivia decided to reach for the remote control and turn the TV on with the volume set to low, hoping it would quiet Karen. She didn't know what else to do, her mind too exhausted to think. At this point, she had no hope of making it back with Fitz. Besides, she hadn't heard a sound from the other room, so chances were, Teddy AND Fitz were both asleep by now.
As luck would have it, random surfing through the channels landed them on the Disney channel which was playing Frozen, one of Karen's top favorite movies.
"Don't get too happy," Olivia murmured. "We have to keep the volume low. We can't wake up Bella."
Karen shrugged, her eyes glued to the TV screen.
Olivia tried to go back to sleep thinking that maybe just this one time it would not hurt for Karen to fall asleep with the TV on. She would probably get up later anyway and turn it off. But it was no use trying to sleep. Unfortunately, she was now wide awake.
Life is better with Popcorn
Fifteen minutes later, Both Karen and Olivia were fully enthralled with the movie.
"I got a surprise for you!" Olivia whispered to Karen, having decided both she and Karen could use some good ol' mother-daughter bonding time. And there was nothing like a movie and some popcorn to make things right. And besides, her stomach was rumbling. Luckily, she'd thought ahead and packed her favorite comfort food in one of her travel bags. Aha! Having quickly located the coveted treat, she did a little cheer ( no need to microwave = instant gratification" and scurried back to bed.
Karen's eyes brightened, shifting away from the TV screen meet her mother's gaze as Olivia cozied up next to her on the queen sized bed with a giant bag of Naked Popcorn. It had been a last minute decision to stuff it in her suitcase. Olivia had been saving the special treat for Fridays, otherwise knows as family movie night, a tradition they had started enjoying for the past two months. The timing had coincided with the Teddy's increased interest in movies other than those involving Thomas the Tank Engine and with Bella starting to sleep through the night, which allowed mom and dad to be able to sit through an entire movie without conking out on the couch- only to wake up thirty minutes later, fully alert for the next eight hours.
Karen gave her mother an uncertain look when she realized the popcorn came in a giant red bag she didn't recognize. Besides, they usually put the popcorn in the microwave and she was pretty certain there was no microwave in this hotel or she would have seen it. "Popcorn!" She said, helping herself to a handful and then pausing to stare at it and for a moment there her expression was a mirror of Teddy's, the finickiest of eaters. "Is this is like regular popcorn?"
Mother and daughter both leaned over to the one side - the giant bag looming between them- searching each other's gaze and shared a spontaneous chuckle.
"It's the best popcorn in the world," Olivia stated, leaning back into the pillows with a sigh, realizing in that very moment that she was more exhausted than she had previously thought, but what the heck, if she couldn't sleep she SHOULD at least have some popcorn.
"And the best part is that it's butterless…that means it has no butter." Karen gave her a long expectant look. "Try it."
Karen grabbed a handful. Hmm. The bits of popcorn were soft and fluffy and practically melted in your mouth and the best think of all was that the kernels didn't need to be micro waved as they tasted pretty good at room temperature.
"It's a girl's night out!" Karen giggled digging into the popcorn with gusto. Once every couple of months, she'd heard Olivia and Abby making plans for a girl's night out. And now, here she was spending one on one time with mommy, she couldn't help but feel special. "Did you bring your nail polish, mommy? Can we do each other's toe nails after the movie?"
Olivia looked at the time. Maybe she should just let go of the notion of getting to sleep any time soon. Given the circumstances, would it really hurt to let Karen stay up a little longer? After all they'd been through in this hellish of a day. Life was so short. Why not hold on to every chance she got to show her love and devotion to each one of her children? She thought, snuggling up closer to her daughter.
Okay, yes. Very nice and noble. Still, she should draw the line somewhere. "No manicures or pedicures, baby. Just watch the movie, okay?"
"This is my favorite part!" Karen said. In the movie, Elsa sang Let it go while climbing up stairs made of solid glass.
Let it go, let it go,
I'm one with the wind and sky,
Here I stand and here I'll stay
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back, the past is in the past.
Let it go, let it go,
The perfect girl is gone,
Let the storm rage on,
"The cold never bothered me anyway," Karen sang a little too loudly towards the end and Olivia put a finger to her lips.
"Shh…Bella."
They both glanced at the porta-crib on the other side of the room and held their breaths. Good. Lo and behold, Bella slept soundly like the proverbial baby in spite of the noise.
Somehow, one of Karen's comments led Olivia to talking about her childhood. "Hmm…Yes. Sometimes my mom and I would sit together on Friday nights and watch a movie with a big bowl of popcorn…with lots of butter." She decided to leave out the part about having to turn down the volume so as not to wake up her step-father Frank who was usually in bed with a hangover More often than not he would later barge in and ruin their party, yelling at them for one thing or another.
Olivia sighed deeply. Yes, her childhood had sucked. Except for those Friday nights with her mother, most of her happy childhood memories involved her surrogate family: Peggy, Mary Ann and even Edison.
"These are sooo good," Karen said referring to the popcorn with delight. "They're not sticky."
"I agree. Life is better with butterless popcorn."
"Look!" Karen said with a dreamy look, her eyes glued on the TV screen. This is my favorite part!
Once again, Olivia found herself relaxing. Maybe this was exactly what she needed right now to tame the voice in her head that kept trying to get her to re-visit the events of the day. Stubbornly, she refused to think stressful thoughts and tried to focus on the movie with her eyes half-closed.
"Prince Hans is really not that cool. He's selfish," Karen stated. No matter how many times she'd seen the movie, it's as if her daughter still can't believe that unlike other Disney fairy tales, this movie does not follow the usual pattern.
Thirty minutes later
At last, Karen fell asleep after eating more than her fill of the popcorn. Olivia vacillated between a sense of relief and her guilty conscience nagging her for letting Karen eat popcorn past midnight ( encouraged her actually) and worse still, letting her go to sleep without brushing her teeth.
With a deep sigh, she fluffed her pillow and closed her eyes. Only to open them wide a few seconds later, startled by the image of Edison' s face vividly engrained in her brain. A jarring flash of herself waking up on the couch with HIS face hovering over her, grotesque distorted, like a house of mirrors. Spooked, she practically jumped out of bed and somehow located a bottle of melatonin sitting in her cosmetic bag.
Impossibly, she spotted a silhouette moving towards her in the darkness of the room. There were slivers of light coming in through the long paneled windows.
Again, she saw. Edison' s grotesque face.
Olivia froze for a long second even as the silhouette moved closer, her body visibly shaking.
" You! Get out!
"Livvie...it's me, Fitz," he whispered.
"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to scare you."
"Oh, God...I thought you were Edison."
Even in the semi- darkness, she saw his expression fall. "I'm sorry. " He rocked her into his arms, kissed her hair, cupped her face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he reiterated.
She clung to him, burying her face in his neck. " She began to sob convulsively, allowing the tears to fall unchecked down her cheeks.
Fitz held her tightly, whispering soothing words in her ear. He felt terrible. He should have been there to protect her. If he ever got his hands on that low- life- son of a gun. "You' re safe, baby, you' re safe."
They stayed like that for a long time until the tears subsided. He pulled back some to wipe her tears with his thumbs.
She smiled at him, her eyes telling him how much she needed him.
He leaned closer, gazing down at her lips, their faces drawing near. His lips barely touched hers, nipped her earlobe, and trailed back down to her lips. At last their lips met and after a few moments of deep kissing, their kisses increasing in passion like a flame that never fades or dies, he lifted her petite body in his arms and carried her across the threshold to the adjoining room and lay her on one of the queen size beds. In that moment, he was glad have rented one room instead of two. For one, it would have been really cramped for the five of them in a tiny room, and secondly, well...It gave them other options.
Just a Little Loving Tonite
Fitz smiled to himself as he picked up their son and carried him to the other room. He carefully deposited him on the other bed next to Karen' s.
He took a couple of steps back to gaze at their sleeping children. The three children were sleeping like angels, each one doing that classic pout they always did when they slept. It was like a trademark the three of them shared.
By the time Fitz returned, Olivia had disrobed and was waiting for him under the covers. He followed her gaze to the door that connected the two rooms and in quiet understanding, he closed it without locking it. They left it unlocked just in case the kids woke up, groggy and disoriented; they figured it would be scary especially for Teddy to suddenly wake up in a strange place and without mom and dad. But this meant that they had to be quiet and vigilant during their lovemaking.
Fitz undressed quickly and slipped into bed beside his beautiful wife, confident he would be able to hear the kids' s footsteps in time to stop.
"You're just perfect, baby," He murmured into her ear, gathering her thin silky body against his sheltering warmth.
She pulled back a little. "Fitz...Did you hear that?"
They were both still for a full minute, listening, until they were convinced it was nothing.
"I love you so much," she murmured. She was completely exhausted yet she wanted him to make love to her sweet and slow. Oh, yes. Slow and sweet. She wanted him more than anything in the world.
As if he read her mind and knew exactly, he lifted the heavy duvet off the bed and rolled on top of her with the sheets loosely covering them. He kissed the base of her neck at his leisure knowing it would turn her on in an instant if she wasn't already. His lips traveled down her breasts, her belly and then ver slowly, under the sheets to the Apex between her thighs. Oh, YES! She moaned again and again and then their lips finally met, and she reached for his erection and he shuddered, his pulse throbbing in her hand. She rubbed her thumb against his tip drew out a deep moan. She felt tightly surrounded by his essence and with the sheets wrapped around them like a warm warm cocoon. He then grabbed her hand and together, they rubbed his tip against her wet folds. Aww. Half a second later, he was pressing his member onto her entrance and slid just the tip in.
She shuddered in anticipation. "Oooh, Please, please."
He groaned in response, wanting to kick off the sheets -they we're too damn restricting- and grabbed her thighs, eyes locked, drinking up her essence. She was drowning in him and he knew it. He smiled and went a little deeper yet not deep enough to satisfy her.
"Fitz, please!"
"Wait, baby." He lingered at her entrance longer than she ever before, capturing her lips in a deep lingering kiss. "Is this what you want, baby?" He murmured against her lips and she wondered how was it possible that he was still holding back.
"Ohhh, yes, yes!"
Her heart pounded and pounded and then at last, he slid into her ALL the way inside, glorious pressure and power, sweeping and clenching, and holding the promise of release. But then it lasted about a second and then his fingers clutched her rear, and he eased out and then back in, driving a slow and torturous rhythm. Her body shook, tightening with every thrust, utterly consumed in sensation, darkness and explosive ecstasy.
Sensing her climax, he captured her mouth again and swallowed her scream. He came in that moment engulfed in an earth shattering quake pounding and convulsing his body.
They spent the next few moments in locked in each other's embrace, relishing the aftershocks.
"Livvie," he murmured pressing his forehead into hers. "I love you so much, baby."
"I love you too," she sighed contentedly. She was in his arms and all was well with the world.
Saturday, 7: 22 am.
She tried to open her eyes but they were glued shut. That smell, pungent and obnoxious. It assaulted her senses. A face, his face. In and out of focus.
NO, NO!
Her head turned from side to side. Sparky. No! I can't look!
At last, she forced her eyes to open. It took her a few seconds to realize she was not home but at a hotel. A deep sense of relief washed over her. She was safe. Her family was safe.
Karen was asleep beside her and for a moment there she wondered whether last night's lovemaking had been a dream. But no, last night was real. She felt the evidence of their lovemaking, an exquisite warmth between her she longed for him. In the next moment, she slipped out of bed and crossed into the other room clad in a long-sleeved nightgown. Fitz was asleep with Teddy beside him.
Now what?
It was the weirdest thing. She felt as if she had just woken from a medically induced coma and was now starting to put the pieces of her life back together.
Except that in reality everyone was asleep and she was the only one awake.
Water. Aquafina. She moved to the dresser and unscrewed the lid. Aw, yes! Her throat was so parched she drank the entire bottle.
Olivia started to feel normal again. That's when she realized her breasts felt uncomfortably full.
Sweet Bella was sleeping soundly in the portable crib. Aw. She looked beautiful, like a Precious Moments doll.
Smiling, Olivia lifted the warm little body into her arms and brought it back to bed with her. The baby nursed to her heart's content, half-asleep and with her little fist pressed against her breast, stroking her soft skin. Everything was so still and quiet-except for Bella's suckling. And Mother and baby enjoy the last few moments of their time together, becoming more captivated with one another with each passing moment, falling into a deeper ecstatic trance.
Their bonding time came to an abrupt end when all of a sudden Olivia's cell phone started ringing ( standard ringtone), waking up Karen.
"Mommy?"
Who could be calling this early on a Saturday morning?
What if it's Abby?
"Hello. Olivia speaking," she answered in one breath, her own voice sounding rough and foreign to her ears.
"This is detective Tom Cruise speaking."
A/N
My heart goes out to residents of Northern California affected by wildfires this last week .