It's been three days since I turned my back on Gerard and they are amongst the worst of my life. I didn't realize just how much I would miss him in my day to day life, even the little things like a text now and again or a call. It seems that life without Gerard isn't the most enjoyable for me but it's for the best. He's safe this way and I would rather he hate me than mourn him and live with the guilt that it was my fault.

I deserved his words but it doesn't mean that they didn't hurt. To hear that he hated me hurt the most. I never expected to hear that from him, not that I didn't deserve it. I know everything he said was justified but...they still hurt.

I've basically distanced myself from everyone. Reese kept trying to question me on why I dumped Gerard while I kept a tight mouth except when we fought which has been constantly, I've been ignoring calls from Ray and Frank, Mikey seems to be away for his brother and Grams and Uncle Josh seem to be conversing about how to get me to talk since I've been hauled up in my room or out somewhere without telling where I go. I've just been driving around, going to random diners and such and just thinking.

It was all becoming too much. There is no one to blame apart from myself. I've kept this secret, thinking it was some twisted joke and it soon go out of control. No matter what I do now, it cannot undo what has happened. I would give anything to fix all this and live my life in piece but unfortunately that will never happen. In a perfect world maybe but I live in reality which is all about living with the mistakes and unfairness.

Another thing that has become more prominent is William. Reese seems to be in more contact with him the past few days, resulting in us fighting. Reese can't seem to understand why I will not give that man another chance. I just can't forgive him, it may seem petty to others but it's my choice, I'm not gonna drop it.

The creep knows that Gerard and I are no longer together, how he knows I don't know but then again, he knows a lot that he shouldn't. He expressed great...joy over the matter despite my own mood. I really don't care anymore.

That seems to be my general mood at the moment.

"We have to talk," My little brother stated as he entered my room, closing the door behind him and standing with his arms crossed as I looked away from the ceiling which I have been staring at for the last hour or so.

"About?" I ask, pleading ignorance.

"You, why you have been so messed up lately," He said, making me snort.

"Thank you for your kind words."

"Cut it out, Andy! You have been really off lately and you even dumped Gerard! Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing..."

"Don't give me that crap! Why won't you just tell me what's wrong? Is it Dad? Is it the whole divorce thing?" I sigh at his guesses.

"Why must you assume that it's anything to do with that man?"

"So something is wrong," He said, thinking he was getting somewhere.

"I didn't say that, I just asked why you think he has anything to do with it."

"Because when you heard about the divorce you started being like this. Why can't you tell me what's wrong?"

"How can I when nothing..."

"Stop saying that!" He cried. "You know that's bullshit! It isn't nothing; just tell me what's wrong. I'm your brother, you can tell me."

That was the problem. I couldn't tell him, not anyone.

"Look, it's...just different right now," I say, trying to avoid the word 'nothing' incase from another outburst from Reese.

"Different how? What could have changed for you to act like this? What made you do that to Gerard? Do you know what you did to him?" I remained silent, knowing well that my words at Gerard were not the kindest words.

"He was heartbroken when you broke up with him; he told me some of the things you said. I know for a fact that you didn't date him out of pity so why? Why did you leave him?"

"I..." I stuttered, not sure what to say. I couldn't tell the truth and Reese knew I dated Gerard because I wanted to, not because of pity. I knew I had hurt Gerard; I don't need reminding of it.

"You what? You can't even give me a straight answer. What the hell is wrong? Please, we're all worried about you," He was pleading now but I couldn't give in. Sure, he may have been my little brother but I couldn't tell him. He would want to do something and tell everyone else but there's too much risk. I have to continue to plead ignorance, no matter how much I want to tell.

"Reese, no matter what I say, it's not gonna ease your mind or make you believe me when I say nothing is wrong," I tell him, seeing his body sag and his head lower.

"Then why have you become like this? Why do you hardly talk? Why do you always stay in your room or go out by yourself? Why did you do that to Gerard? You have yet to answer one of these questions," He told me, making me sigh.

"I told you it's..."

"Stop saying it's nothing! I'm your brother, you can tell me! I won't judge you," He said, his eyes growing wide, showing the discussion was beginning to affect him. I look away, not being able to look into his eyes.

"Reese...it's nothing," I whisper but loud enough for him to hear. I heard a slight sniffle before he spoke.

"Fine, if that's how it's going to be. Just so you know, Gerard and Mikey are coming over so if you want to avoid them, you better leave now." After that, I looked back to see Reese closing the door behind him. I fall back on my bed, returning to staring at the ceiling.

I hated fighting with Reese, it just made things worse. He's only looking out for me and yet I push him away. He was able to come to me with ever problem he had, heck, if he didn't I wouldn't have become friends with Gerard yet I cannot tell him what's going on. There's too much risk, there was always going to be too much risk.

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs with voices speaking lowly. I didn't need to listen in too longer to know who it was. My heart clenched as I heard Reese's door close and the voices stopped. Usually, Gerard would appear at my door, smiling happily at me as he entered, giving me a hug and kiss. I could really go for one of Gerard's hugs right now, they were always warm and safe but I lost the right when I became a bitch and left Gerard. I've regretted it but it was the right thing to do...I hope.

After staring at the ceiling for another hour, my throat became dry and wanted to be attended to. I managed to pry myself from my bed and leave my room, making sure I didn't make too much noise to disturb the guys. I went through the hall into the kitchen in an attempt to avoid Grams as it would become another talk like the one I had with Reese before. I grabbed a glass from the sink before going into the fridge to get the bottle of soda so I could provide myself with a drink.

As I poured, my eyes wandered to my right arm. There was a long, pink scar popping from the surface of it. It was a reminder of my stupidity. The scar was made by the creep when he came to hurt Gerard but ended up cutting me instead. It healed alright but it was still there, laughing at me for causing all of this. I breathed out heavily, twisting the cap back on the bottle and placing it to the side.

Before I moved away, I tensed up, feeling another presence entering the room. I stayed perfectly still, waiting for them to speak or identify themselves somehow. Instead, I felt a hand near my back, scraping it. I reacted without thinking, spinning around and whipping my hand forward, slapping the person in the face. My eyes widen as I realize what I have just and who I had just done it to.

I just slapped Gerard.

He stood there, his head shifting to the left slightly due to the blow. I could see from his face and left eye that he was shocked by the strike. He had every right. Yeah, sure, we weren't on the best terms but that gave me no right to hit him! God, this reminds me too much of Frank's birthday. Regret immediately filled my heart. I have become so paranoid that I slapped my best friend...ex best friend and all because of some stupid, fucking creep!

"I'm sorry," I say quickly, manoeuvring around him and walking towards the hall, leaving Gerard and my drink behind.

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around me from behind, pulling me onto a chest and securing me. I could feel a head being lowered to mine, tangling both mine and their hair together as our cheeks grazed together. The arms were set around me, refusing to move I can tell. I could smell a familiar scent from the person. Coffee and cigarettes. But...why was he hugging me?

I don't fight against Gerard, instead, I relish in the embrace. I couldn't help but feel happy as Gerard held me from behind. I missed it, I missed him. I thought he hated him but I'm not going to question him. I closed my eyes, relaxing slightly in his embrace but it ended as he let me go and moved away. I turned to look at him but was only greeted with his back as he went to get something.

"...What..." I began but unable to end. I'm not sure what to say.

"You look like you needed a hug so I gave you one," He said, his voice monotone.

"But...I thought you hated me?" I said, unsure if I wanted to know the answer but I need to know. Why would he hug me like that yet claim he hate me?

"I said I hated who you've become and I can't get rid of my feelings for you that easily, no matter what I act like." I feel like crying after hearing his words. Even after everything I said and done...he still held me in some high regard. At least that's how I chose to see it. I held them back as I smiled slightly, the first true one in a while and Gerard didn't see it.

"Thanks, I really did need that," I tell him. I could see him turning but I turned as well, leaving quickly and soon returning to my room. I closed the door, leaning against it slightly as I replayed what had just happened in my mind.

I could still feel Gerard's arms around me. How I wish I could just lay in them all night but...there was the person that had been haunting my dreams and every other aspect of my life and he was threatening it.

My phone began to ring, bringing me back to reality. I walked over to my desk, picking it up and answering it.

"Hello?" I say into the speaker.

"Hello, dear," I clenched the phone tightly as I recognize the person as the creep.

"What?" I practically spit down the phone. My anger was getting the better of me at the moment.

"You don't sound too pleased to hear from me," He said in that smug voice. I couldn't stand it.

"I'm not but I'm not getting a say."

"Now, what kind of man would I be without allowing his dear her word?"

"Stop calling me dear," I growl. I'm a lot more vicious towards him than I've ever been. The moment with Gerard must have sparked something within me.

"But you are my dear; I wonder what you call me?"

"I have a few words that best describe you but they aren't exactly lady like."

"Now, now, must you be so harsh? Is this how you treat the person who loves you most?"

"No, this is how I treat the person who's been plaguing my life and threatening everyone I care about." I wasn't going to hold back any longer. I couldn't.

"I'm not that evil, I only wish for us to be together..."

"With the death of others?"

"They are expendable and I don't like that trash drooling over you."

"You're the trash that's drooling over me; Gerard loved me and would never do what you are doing."

"Listen here-"

"No, you listen," I hiss. "For too long have you fucked with my life, making me paranoid and push people away all because of the fear that you will hurt them. You, even, made me hurt the person I care about most which I will never forget. I haven't told anyone of you because of this fear but no more. Do anything to the people I love, I'll tell everyone and make sure you suffer for everyone you hurt. I don't give a shit how you feel; no one forces letters or phone calls like this. No one goes and tries to murder the people they love most just to get their obsession's attention. That's just sick. Now, let me make this as clear as I can...FUCK OFF!"

I hang up quickly after my outburst, my body shaking because of the anger I felt towards the creep. Then it suddenly hit me; making my eyes wide and my grip loose so my phone fell to the ground before I followed it. I laid there on the floor unmoving, thinking about what I had just done. I had told the creep how I felt and what he was doing to my life. I lashed out at him without hesitation or a care. It had become too much and I just exploded. What did this mean? Would it set him off and make him try to hurt someone? Oh, god, what have I done? I have jeopardized someone's life for all I know.

I didn't make an attempt to get up; I just laid on the floor. My eyes began to close as my body began to shut down, tired by what had just happened. Everything soon became dark as my mind wandered away from reality.

Maybe it was all just a dream and everything would be fine when I woke up...

I know it's not one of my best and it wasn't worth the wait but bare with me. I can give you some bad excuse to why I was away for a while but truth is, I read too much VK and had one too many epic battles against my PSP (no I mean against the consle, no gaming whatsoever) So anyway, thank you all for reading, faving(I have been through this, DO NOT CARE IF IT'S NOT A WORD! ANS DON'T COUNT!), subbing and revewing, all means a lot to me and more are always welcome! Hopefully, the next one will come at a better time and I have surprise in store!

See ya!