Lately I've gotten in the habit of increasing my pace whenever I walk by Jessica's office. It must look insane, but it's for safety reasons. I can't stand a single word coming out of her mouth and I'm afraid I'm going to flip out one day and just attack her, pulling her hair or something.

Today I'm not fast enough though and I can't pretend I don't hear her when she's shouting my name, ordering me to get inside. She closes the door behind us and I swear if the walls weren't see-through something would go down.

Jessica used to wear quite colorful suits and skirts, but lately she's been dressing mostly in white. What is up with that? Today she's wearing a white suit. It's weirdly intimidating, since it seems to signal arrogant confidence. A person who dresses in white is telling the world: I know I won't spill anything on myself.

Needless to say it would be a very bad idea for me. I spill coffee at myself at least once a day. I like to think it's because I work so hard, spilling becomes secondary.

Jessica has moved to her desk, looking over some papers.

"I need your opinion," she says, her eyes down on whatever she's flipping through.

This better be good. I was on my way to get me some lovely watery coffee from our machine.

"Where should we place James and Lauren?" she asks, picking up a paper. "Their offices need to on this floor obviously. The office next to yours is unoccupied at the moment. Could you take June's office? I want her closer to mine anyways so I'm moving her too."

"June?" I repeat. "But she's got the smallest office here. And where will she go?"

She doesn't need an office, not even a small one. She's Jessica's assistant. She spends more time outside getting fancier coffee. Both she and Irina should get daily table reservations at Starbucks instead.

"Oh I'll fit her in, don't worry," she says smiling stiffly. "We're making some changes around here and James and Lauren want their offices right next to each other. We all need to make sacrifices, you know."

Do I get a say in this? She wanted my opinion but it seems like she's already made up her mind. I don't care if the office next to mine is unoccupied. What kind of boss agrees to that? Hiring a soon-to-be married couple is bad enough.

Jessica is eyeing me with squinting eyes, noticing I'm not looking overjoyed.

"Do you want to know what I think is funny?" She asks, crossing her arms.

I sigh.

"I don't know, tiny dogs wearing sweaters, people falling and hurting themselves or clowns riding one-wheeled..."

"That was clearly rhetorical," She interrupts."What I think is funny how you work in a team, yet you're not a team-player."

Oh for crying out loud! What I think is funny how Jessica's so opposed to me dating anyone at work, and yet she hires a couple. James and Lauren, engaged to be married! Besides, Lauren is not even an architect. Will she continue working as James' assistant? It wouldn't make sense. James is not even head-architect nor will he lead his own team here. Why would he require an assistant? Unless Jessica is planning to hand him a massive project.

"See this as an opportunity to demonstrate your good will..." She says.

She's blabbering on about how me moving office will give off a good vibe to our co-workers. Making sacrifices and all. I bet she's expecting me to flip out.

Instead I smile. Since I can't kill her, due to obvious legal restrictions and these darn glass walls, I'm going to kill her with kindness. She won't know what to do with me.

"June's office it is," I say cheerily.

She was obviously expecting a fight because she looks shocked, her fake nails going to her lips. She looks around as if she's lost something.

"What? What so you..." She stutters.

"Yeah, I'll take June's office," I cut her off. "No biggie."

"Well it's my order so," she says shrugging her shoulders. "You have no choice?" She says like it's a question.

Holy moly Jessica is falling apart in front of my very eyes.

"I'll get back to you about that," she adds. "We're done here."

She reaches for her coffee cup shakily and as she takes a sip, the brown liquid escapes from her, ending up on her white suit. Two small spots of coffee.

I smile and try not to look too happy.

On the way back to my office Edward and I pass each other. He nods at me professionally. There's not a hint of a smile on his face.

Fuck.

For a moment I let myself believe Jessica was my biggest issue.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

Alice and I are at Birch Coffee, located in the Gershwin Hotel which is very Gaudi-inspired. So far it's our favorite coffee shop. It may have something to do with their over-dimensional brownies, but we say it's because of the fantastic design of the place. I wonder if Edward would still be up to go to Barcelona, but the thought makes me uneasy. Everything about Edward and I right now makes me feel uneasy.

I put my coffee cup down, harsher than I planned and the sound of porcelain against porcelain has my ears ringing. Coffee spills over to the saucer. I started a storm.

"Nothing," I answer dabbing at the spill with a napkin.

"Great," Alice chimes. "Now let's try that again. What's wrong?"

We've had a great day so far. Thanks to flexi-time I could leave work early. When Alice asked me if I wanted to meet up I ran out of there, leaving everything in a heartbeat. She'd been shopping earlier and had already changed into her latest purchase: a pale pink (surprise!) dress and matching shoes. It was a relief to see her and hear her talk about bargains. At first everything seemed right in the world and I thought I was doing a good job of believing it myself.

Apparently not.

"So...?" Alice says expectantly.

"Your brother and I discussed something and ever since then things have been weird."

Jesus, even to my own ears my voice sounds shrill and about to break any second.

"Well, how long has it been weird?" Alice asks.

"Two weeks," I answer and before she can whine about how I haven't told her about it I add "And I didn't tell you about it because I thought it would pass but it keeps getting weirder."

"Fine," she huffs. "What did you discuss?"

"He doesn't want kids," I reply. "Ever since that discussion, although it felt like things were alright, he's been acting... Weird."

I don't give Alice space to chime in again, but ramble on instead. If I pause I know I won't be able to talk about this.

"He doesn't want me to stay over like he used to. And when I do..." I laugh for some reason, it's not even funny. "he hogs all the covers. He never did that before."

I kind of sing that last part and even Alice cringes visibly at my uneasiness.

"Maybe he's cold," she suggests lightly.

I raise my eyebrows at her. We're in the middle of August, not a time of year when you feel chilly at night in New York.

"Or maybe his subconscious is acting out," I suggest.

"You're reading way too much into this."

"The timing makes sense, with what we discussed. Did you know that? That your brother doesn't want kids?"

I regret eating an entire brownie now. I'm starting to feel sick.

"Honestly it doesn't surprise me," Alice says smiling shrewdly. "I mean, considering his childhood?" She shakes her head. "It's not that shocking."

I can feel my jaw dropping.

"But judging by the look on your face, it is?" Alice says ."Oh my God. I put my foot in my mouth didn't I? Forget I even mentioned anything. It's not my place," she waves her hands around in the air as if she can make it go away.

"What do you mean considering his childhood?" I ask. "You guys didn't grow up together? Did something bad happen to him?"

"Forget I said anything. It's not my place, it's not my place," she repeats.

She brings her teacup to her lips, gulping it down so desperately I want to remind her that it's tea and it won't calm her nerves, it will only make her want to pee really bad.

"You're not going to drop this are you?" Alice says nervously.

I fumble around with a napkin.

"I need to talk to Edward."

"Don't say I said anything, please."

"I won't," I promise.

But I find myself lacking the words when I see Edward later that night. Everything about him, his body language – how he turns away from me, to how he avoids eye-contact and won't really touch me unless we're in bed, screams "stay away" and I realize that, in our very brief conversation about kids, I overstepped something I didn't know I was overstepping.

Invisible boundaries are tricky.

It's like he got a wake-up call. Woah, I'm dating a person. A person with dreams and hopes about our relationship. Thoughts about our future.

Although he acted cool about it, it's apparent he's not that cool after all. He's clearly struggling. At work he used to throw me a glance every now and then, a small smile, drop by my office pretending like he had something work-related to say, but all he wanted was to stop by and say hi... And now he gives me these nods. Acknowledging, yes, but what do they mean? It's the way I would greet someone who works on a different floor. Someone whose name I'm not sure of.

Yet he doesn't want me to go away. If he did, he wouldn't call me, right? He wouldn't ask me to come over and he wouldn't want to have sex with me... Right?

Unless, unless he's trying to fix things. Some do that. Instead of talking, they think sex will fix something that's broken. Or maybe, he's not trying to fix us at all. What if he's trying to break us? By turning our relationship into a purely physical one?

It doesn't make sense though. If that was the case why would he invite me to another one of Esme's fundraising events? If he only wanted to get laid there's no need to let me hang out with his parents first. It's not like they're expecting me to show up. We still haven't dated that long.

I'm probably overreacting. Maybe reading too much into this, like Alice said. It's only been two weird weeks. Still something James said echoes in my head: he told me about breaking up with an ex. They had been together for a year. I asked him why he broke up with her. He answered "It felt weird." My next question was, for how long did it feel weird? to which he replied "It was a weird week." And bam, that's how he knew. A week.

As it happens, we make it another week. Still weird. Edward's getting Starbucks coffee from Irina and from what I know, still ordering complicated beverages just for fun, but he doesn't invite me inside to taste them.

Still he doesn't cancel, so on Saturday night I'm getting ready for Esme's fundraising event. I'm going for the positive outlook. We'll let loose a bit, dance, laugh and talk and have some champagne. It won't feel serious. I've met Carlisle and Esme a few times now and I'm best friends with his sister. Emmett is my bro (he refers to me as "sis"): there's no reason to feel uptight about this. Not for Edward either. We're all comfortable here.

As I take a final look in the mirror however I realize that I'm dressed for a funeral.

Nothing wrong with a black dress. I've rocked plenty of black dresses before, but there's something about this one that's depressing as hell. It's similar to my Audrey Hepburn one, though longer and maybe that's just it. It's so darn conservative and I've put my hair up in a stiff bun.

I make a last minute decision and let my hair out. I need to be fun tonight.

As I run down and hop into the cab, Edward grins and just like that I'm convinced we're going to be alright. He's wearing a black tux and his hair is styled, down, and not untamed as it usually is (although I like it that way). It doesn't strike me that he's buzzed until he practically shoves his tounge inside my mouth before we even say "hi". I can taste alcohol on him, but I decide it doesn't matter. Maybe this is what we need. We need to be spontaneous.

Alice is the first one we see as we arrive. Another big majestic building in the middle of Manhattan, made for mingling and fund-raising. Women in fancy dresses and men in smoking. Alice looking like a princess: a pink dress again, of course but this one fancier, longer.

"Oh my," she says. "Edward, red looks good on you."

Right. My lipstick has rubbed off on him again. Good thing Carlisle and Esme aren't around this time. He excuses himself to clean up and Alice looks at me like "eh?"

"What?" I say.

"Pre-party?" she guesses.

"A little."

Edward returns to us two minutes later, his lips back to his normal color again and off we go mingling. Esme is a brilliant hostess as always, moving around with grace and a smile for everyone. Carlisle is hanging out by the bar with a Cosmo in his hand. It's so good to see him again. We hug tightly and I realize, somewhere deep down, I must miss Charlie. I must miss having a dad, because when Carlisle asks how I'm doing and how work is going I want to make him proud and he's Edward's dad, not mine.

But alas there's a huge difference between Carlisle and Charlie and that is, thankfully I'm not crushing on Charlie. A bit worrisome that I am on Carlisle though, considering I wish he was my dad at the same time.

Jesus, I'm not even drunk yet and I'm already having inappropriate thoughts.

"Where's Edward?" Carlisle asks looking around.

I must have lost him in the crowd. I'm sure he was right behind me.

Right about then, it's like I can locate her by her laugh only and I'm not sure I have ever heard her laugh. Edward's standing a few meters away looking like he's having the time of his life with a supermodel I recognize very well. Although I have only met her once, it's going to take a lot to delete her from my memory.

They embrace and she whispers something in his ear (okay, she probably didn't whisper, but how would I know, standing so far away?) and Edward smiles, that slow kind of smile that creeps up, as if he likes what he's hearing.

Then they both turn, perfectly coreographed, must be thanks to all the salsa-dancing they've done together, and head our way.

They look like the perfect couple. Edward in his black tux. Her, in a long red dress. Only highly confident women can pull of a red dress. Women like Tanya. She looks like a supermodel. She, right next to Edward, makes sense.

"Tanya!" Carlisle exclaims.

Please don't like Tanya more than you like me, not you Carlisle! They embrace as long lost lovers (fine I may be exaggerating things) and exchange pleasantries.

"You remember Tanya," Edward says turning to me.

"How could I forget?" I say and we greet with polite air kisses.

She smells wonderful but what did I expect? Sweat?

"Bella right?" Tanya say. "And you and Edward..."

"We work together, " He fills in.

I feel like throwing up in my mouth, but all I can do is to hold onto my glass of champagne and not let my smile falter. Tanya looks inbetween us smiling. She's got bright red lipstick on. Not a darker red, like me, which is usually more sophisticated, no, hers is "look at me" kind of red.

But it suits her fine. I can't bring myself to think ill of her, not when she seems sweet. It's not her fault that she looks absolutely amazing. It's not her fault that Edward introduced me as his co-worker.

It doesn't strike me that we've all been standing here smiling and clinging onto our champagne glasses for several seconds, no one saying a word, until Carlisle does.

"Right," he says smiling tightly. "I better find my wife. You kids enjoy yourselves."

He looks at me sympathetically, as if he knows I'm jealous and wishing me good luck. Damn you Carlisle.

"Stanley Projects allow you guys to hang out after work like this? That's so cool," Tanya says happily.

"Yeah, Jessica's a gem," I say lightly.

"Jessica Stanley, right?" Tanya says.

"Yeah, Edward knows her," I say because I'm annoyed with him for saying we work together. "They go way back."

He eyes me sceptically from the side.

I mean, technically it's true. We do work together, but considering Tanya and he are friends, is it not weird that he's not honest about our relationship? Sure she's Irina's sister, but come on!

"At Volturi they're not very encouraging when it comes to private friendships," Tanya continues.

Private friendships. Huh. So that's what Edward and I have. A private friendship.

"Wait, what?" I say. "Volturi?"

I look at Edward, but he's smiling at Tanya.

She nods eagerly.

"Yeah, I work there. As a secretary. It's pretty recent. I combine that with some Salsa-dancing in the evenings," she explains.

Edward has not mentioned this.

"So when Eddie gets there we have to sneak around, right?" she laughs shoving him playfully in the side. "Pretend like we don't know each other."

I feel like I'm about to cry.

I look around me, but I can't see Alice anywhere.

Weren't Rose and Emmett supposed to be here too?

Why am I alone?

One slow hour goes by.

I can't see Rose or Emmett anywhere.

Then Alice tells me they won't make it after all. Emmett texted her, said he was sorry but something had come up but tell everyone hi from him and "Rosie".

Why am I even getting annoyed? It's not like Rose has asked me how I've been doing lately.

We don't stay long. After my second Cosmo I realize alcohol can't save me from this hole of self-pity I'm in. In my dramatic mind I regret not leaving right after finding out Tanya works for Volturi. I'm not expecting Edward to come home with me, but to my surprise he doesn't hesitate. Within five minutes he's said goodbye to Tanya and his family. Maybe he wants to make up for tonight. He must've noticed me feeling miserable.

"You never mentioned Tanya works at Volturi," I say in the cab.

"Like she said it's pretty recent," he says sounding defensive, or I'm imagining things.

I'm having a hard time thinking clearly, considering his strange behaviour lately and how he introduced me as his co-worker. Sure, we work together all the time. With or without clothing.

"But you weren't going to mention it?" I say.

"It's not like Tanya and I hang out a lot, Bella."

He's acting arrogant too, barely looking at me as we speak. His eyes are more often directed towards the dark car window than at me.

"No, but I've met her and I know who she is and you're starting this new job. It would be natural to mention. Actually, maybe not. I'm just your co-worker."

"Are you jealous?" He asks.

I laugh, trying to lighten up the mood but it sounds more like a cackle. Right now I hate myself. I hate that I can't pretend to be happy and laid-back about Edward's friendship with Tanya. I hate that I'm jealous. I hate that I can't admit to it.

"She's a supermodel and you guys have a past, why would I be jealous?" I say instead.

"When did I ever say that?" he asks looking at me now.

"What?"

"That we have a past?" He repeats.

"You don't have to. It's apparent that you guys used to..." I trail off. "Date."

"We could talk about these things. You don't have to assume."

He says the word "assume" like it's the worst thing in the world.

"Tell me about your childhood then," I suggest. "I want to know why you don't want kids."

The second I say it I realize what horrible timing this is. I've been thinking about this ever since we talked about it. Now it's all coming up to the surface when we talk about something else entirely. I make a mental note to myself to never leave things unsaid. To never end a discussion while you still have a million questions to ask. Or even one.

Edward is looking at me like he doesn't know who I am. He's physcially moved away from me, although we weren't sitting that close to each other to begin with.

"Has Alice said something to you?" he asks.

I promised not to throw her under the bus.

"No," I lie, although it's of little use.

"Right, you're just assuming that it has to do with my childhood?"

I should drop this now. Tell him to forget I ever said anything.

But I don't. Why not get to the bottom of this while we're already digging?

"I want to know why you don't want kids," I say and try to sound soft and understanding and open and sympathetic and all of those things at once, but it's not working.

He looks out the window again. The lights from passing cars and the city reflecting on his pale face. He looks almost like a ghost.

"This is not how I planned this night to go," he says.

"How did you plan it?" I ask. "Were you going to take me back to your apartment, have sex with me and then after hog all the covers and the morning after pretend like you want me there?"

I'm only now realizing we're actually in a cab and that the poor driver has to listen to all of this, but as I look ahead he seems to be lost in his own world. He must hear this all the time, couples arguing and over-sharing.

"Where is this coming from?" Edward asks turning to look at me, his eyes more black than green in the dark of the car.

"I'm talking, Edward. I'm not assuming. I'm trying to have a conversation."

Now it's my turn to look away. He surprises me by reaching out to touch my arm.

"Hey," he says.

For some reason though, it's too late.

"No," I say, shaking off his hand. "You know what?"

I knock on the car seat in front of me to get the driver's attention. The poor man looks at me with tired eyes.

"Drop me off here," I say.

He nods mutely, putting on the blinkers.

"Are you going to walk?" Edward asks.

"Yes."

"You are not walking home," he says harshly.

"I am."

As the cab pulls to the side of the street, for some reason I start blabbering about work.

"Did I mention I'm getting June's office?" I say halfway out the door.

"No," Edward says and he sounds so defeated I'm this close to falling on my knees and begging for forgiveness.

I'm acting like a psycho, but I can't stop myself.

"It's like the smallest office we've got," I clarify with a scoff.

"Look Bella," he says. "No one's making you stay at Stanley Projects."

I'm out on the sidewalk now, holding onto the car-door. The driver's looking straight ahead but I can tell he's getting impatient.

"I know," I say biting my lip, because tears are on their way out any second.

"And the contract's done in two months. After that you have no ties to that place whatsoever."

Anger shoots through me and my grip on the car-door hardens.

"To Stanley Projects or to you?" I fire back.

I don't mean to be dramatic, but as it happens, those are my final words to Edward. He shakes his head as I close the cab door harsher than I planned. I watch the cab drive away, my purse in one hand and my coat in the other.

I look around me. Tall buildings. City lights. I could be anywhere in New York right now.

I have no idea where the hell I am.

Are you guys still there? If you are, thanks so much for reading!