Summer came, and I had Alice back. We spent most of our time together, either inside, in one of our rooms, or outside, exploring the area in which we lived and the less frequented shops and other areas of interest.
I still spent time in the garden with Esme. It was something we had both grown to look forward to, and continued even after school had let out for the summer.
Emmett and I had gotten into the habit of watching a football game together each week. He liked football, and liked having someone to watch it with. I enjoyed having something we could do together, but I could only handle so much of the sport.
Carlisle and I had started discussing literature sometime back, as he realized how much time I spent reading and combing through his books. It was interesting to compare opinions and insights on the things I had been reading.
Rosalie still avoided me as if I carried the plague. I saw very little of her, and often wished there were something I could do to convince her that I wasn't here to ruin everything.
Still, life was pretty good.
I slipped again.
It was late, and Alice and I were walking through the nearly deserted streets of the city. We did this from time to time, always towards evening, when fewer people were out and about. Our minds were usually only on each other.
We heard shouting down one of the alleyways. There was cursing, too, and someone was speaking quickly.
I could feel fear, and panic. I could also detect anger, jealousy, and rage. I shook my head and turned back to Alice.
She had gone rigid. Some vision had hit her. I ignored the arguing couple in the alley and focused on her. "Alice?"
Her eyes were blank, unfocused, and she was a million miles away. I wrapped an arm protectively around her, waiting for her vision to release her and return her to me.
There was an odd sound, and a gasp, and the female from the alley cried out. The man cursed at her, and she began pleading with him.
The smell of blood hit me seconds later, as Alice snapped out of her vision. She moved to restrain me but I was already gone, my mind focused on only one thing.
Blood.
By the time I regained control of myself, I was standing over a dead body. The man. The woman lay not far away, also drained. Alice was staring at me miserably.
She was blaming herself. "I'm sorry." She said thickly. "I didn't see it soon enough. I-"
I moved to her side. "Hush. It isn't your fault." I told her firmly.
Then the aftereffects of their emotions hit me. Terror, despair, panic, all of it hit me, and I staggered, Alice grabbed me and held me closely, and whispered words I couldn't comprehend.
It was so much worse, experiencing all this, after all the time I had gone without. I had built up some tolerance before; now it was as if I were experiencing it all for the first time.
And the blood. The blood had been so sweet. The taste had been far more pleasureable than I remembered. It had felt, briefly, right. As if it were how we were supposed to be.
But that thought had vanished under the onslaught of my victims' last emotions. I shook, and trembled, and would have cried if I could have, would have screamed if I had had the breath
I managed to get a grip on my misery and guilt and realized that Alice had led me away from the alley, and away from the city.
"I'm sorry." I finally said in a harsh whisper.
"I know." She said gently, leading me to a bench. We were in the park again. It was empty. "Now stay. I'll be back soon."
I stared at her, eyes wide. "Where are you going?" I asked. She wasn't angry, just determined.
"To get rid of the bodies." She said firmly. "Stay."
It would do no good to argue with her. I stayed. She returned after what felt like an eternity but was in reality little more than an hour. "Don't worry about it." She said before I could ask what she had done. I felt guilty; she shouldn't have to clean up after me. She deserved so much better.
We headed home, and her hand found mine as we walked. When it was safe, we began to run. Her hand remained in mine.
Alice took command as we returned, explaining what had happened and assuring them we had taken care of everything. They were all very understanding about the whole thing.
It only made me feel worse. They acted as if it were perfectly understandable for me to lose control, to kill someone.
"It is." I Edward replied to my thoughts. "It happens."
I retreated to my room, and Alice seemed to sense that I needed a moment, because she didn't follow. She remained downstairs to give the details to Carlisle. I tried to ignore her as I stared at my reflection in the mirror Alice had insisted go on the wall.
My eyes were bright red. I scowled at their reflection and turned away.
Even Rosalie had been surprisingly rational about the whole thing. I would have felt better if she had at least growled at me, or been angry.
Why were they all so calm about this? So understanding? I didn't deserve this. I deserved to shouted at, or punished somehow. Something, anything.
There was a knock and the door swung open. "Edward sent me to yell at you." Rosalie announced as she entered, closing the door behind her. "He said it might make you feel better." She said scornfully. "I doubt it would make you feel worse. You're spreading your misery around pretty freely."
"Sorry." I replied shortly. I didn't want her to suddenly be civil with me. It only made things worse.
Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. Give me a break. So you goofed. Get over it. We've all messed up here." She stopped, and frowned slightly. "Well, Carlisle and I haven't, but everyone else has. You aren't anyone special. So quit moaning and moping. All they want is for you to determine to do better this time. They don't want you to sit and wallow in misery, especially when you bring the whole house down with you. Idiot." She huffed. "You people. You make a mistake and think it's the end of the world. Honestly!" She grumbled.
Apparently I wasn't the only person who beat myself up over this. It wasn't that they weren't worried about it, it was that they all did understand, far too well.
I managed a small smile as I relaxed some. "Thank you." I said earnestly.
Her eyes narrowed. "Don't mention it. Ever." She said, and turned and left without another word.
I stared after her in surprise.
Disclaimer: Twilight belongeth not to me.