Chapter 39
"Honor from death," I snap, "is a myth. Invented by the war torn to make sense of the horrific. If we die, it will be so that others may live. Truly honorable death, the only honorable death, is one that enables life." ― Rae Carson, The Girl of Fire and Thorns
The whole temple courtyard fell quiet as the all the men paused everything that they were doing to watch the strange scene unfold. To the normal rank-and-file soldiers of the Roshigumi, I was just known to them as the daughter of the Commander and the wife to the First Division Captain. They did not see me as the official medical professional of the Roshigumi or even as someone significantly important. I was just someone who was there because of my relationship to the high ranking officers. It must have been a surprise for them to see me challenge one of the captains to a sparring match. Even though the normal soldiers did see that I normally carried a naginata, that did not mean they believed that I knew how to fight properly. After all, the naginata was seen more of a status symbol for upper class women nowadays rather than an actual weapon to fight with.
The other captains within the area focused their attention on Sano-san and I as well. They were curious of how well I would do against Sano-san because other than seeing me kill that first rasetsu on that night, they haven't really seen me in action at all in the past few months despite me joining them on their rasetsu hunts every time one broke out of the Maekawa house. While I did originally spar with all of them upon arriving in Kyoto, I had stopped most forms of practice with them after a few months of arriving in this city.
Right before I completely ceased practicing with the main captains, I had noticed something mind-boggling about my improvement with my naginata. While I had improved quite a bit since I first started out, my improvement had started to slow before it came to a complete stop in Kyoto. It was only after one month in Kyoto I had realized that I actually hadn't made any real progress. I didn't understand at the time why I had stopped improving. It wasn't that I wasn't working hard or practicing nearly every day. I trained frequently, so why had I stopped completely improving here in Kyoto? Unwilling to just leave the situation as it was, I ceased training with the main guys to examine the possible factors contributing to this bizarre problem.
After much silent debate and time, I had finally managed to isolate the cause of the problem. Being surrounded by a group of extremely talented men who excelled in combat, I had naturally and unconsciously tried to copy their movements and fighting styles, which were ill-suited for me. I wasn't like them. My body was small and possessed relatively little physical strength. My movement was slightly below average in battle despite my amazing ability to read people in battle and to strike with great accuracy. I would never be able to move or attack as gracefully as most of the guys. The battle styles I was subconsciously trying to copy were hindering me. I didn't truly have my own fighting style to improve upon, hence the lack of growth in combat.
This lack of growth was undesirable to me. While the initial skill I possessed may have been adequate enough to fend off the ronin from when I first met Kyoko-chan, if those men had been a bit more skilled then I wouldn't have stood much of a chance. I didn't want to stop improving. The reason I had decided to learn how to fight in the first place was so I could defend myself. I never wanted to feel that crushing sense of helplessness ever again. That feeling of lost hope and the inability to save myself was suffocating. The ability to fight, to defend myself had become symbolic to me. It was my independence, my strength to move past obstacles, it was my freedom from the claws of fear. To stop improving signified weakness. The sense of helplessness I had thought I had left behind on the day I decided to learn how to fight came creeping back in with a vengeance.
It was in the time of my crisis that Hijikata-san offered his help. Noticing that I had stopped most of my practice sessions with the guys, Hijikata-san realized that my claim that I was too busy to practice was a lie and that something was very wrong. I had told him before about my slowed growth in naginatajutsu before in Edo and he must have put together the clues. Instead of accepting my lie, like everyone else begrudgingly did, Hijikata-san bulldozed right pass my wall of defenses and forced me to reveal the truth.
After pounding the truth out of me, Hijikata-san arranged to have all his sword practice sessions with me despite my adamant protests. He wasn't someone I regularly practiced with because of how busy he was all the time. Surely he had much better things to do than waste his time fixing my problems, but he insisted fervently until I relented. Now in hindsight, Hijikata-san was the perfect person to help solve my issue. Just like me, Hijikata-san wasn't exceptionally talented in swordsmanship like all the other guys were. While everyone else was extremely smooth and graceful in practice, Hijikata-san's movements were abrupt, jerky, and aesthetically displeasing to the eye. But ultimately, despite the poor presentation of grace, his battle style worked well. Because his fighting style did what it was supposed to do, Hijikata-san did not lose very often. In the end, one could be graceful and beautiful in practice, but in a real battle, no one cared how beautiful one's style looks and it was the brutish, ungraceful styles that did what was needed to win. Battle was not supposed to be heroic or beautiful, but it was doing what needed to be done.
Stopping at a stone-paved, vacant spot in the temple courtyard that had an adequate amount of space, I turned to face Sano-san with my weapon readied in front of me. Sano-san prepared his stance with his spear poised in striking position. Because all the practice weapons at the temple at the current moment were all wooden swords, Sano-san and I were going to use our real weapons. Of course, since this was a sparring match, we left the sheaths on our blades to prevent any serious injuries. Everyone watch with abated breaths as Sano-san took the first move.
Shooting his spear forward with incredible speed, Sano-san thrust his spear towards my chest. I quickly twirled my naginata in front of me to knock away the spear while stepping back from the assault. In the time I had spent training with Hijikata-san, I had come to love twirling my weapon around like a baton. A well place spin of a long pole-like weapon presented the illusion of having the ability to strike from any location as well as hiding many holes in a defense. It also prevented the opponent from reading my moves with ease. Completely unfazed by the failed hit, Sano-san pressed forward and aimed three more thrusts at my right side.
Knowing where all the attacks were going, due to my ability to read muscle movement, I jumped back to dodge the first attack and before parrying the last two with another twirl of my weapon.
"Oh?" Sano-san said with slight pride. "It seems like our little princess has gotten a bit faster, but you know, you can't win if you don't attack back."
"I know." I replied back slyly. In his last attack, Sano-san had pushed me off the stone pavement of the temple's central courtyard and onto the unpaved dirt on the side. This was exactly what I was waiting for.
Quickly spinning my weapon in front of me once more, I feigned an attack to cover what I was really doing. Using the pole end of my weapon, I loosened the packed soil of the dirt floor when my weapon hit the ground during my earlier spin. Sano-san easily moved out of the way of my fake attack before thrusting his spear at me again. At the moment of that thrust, I saw the opening I was waiting for. With a quick and precise twirl of my weapon, I used the butt of my weapon to throw the loosened soil from earlier at Sano-san's eyes. Sano-san was clearly not expecting that move and his stance immediately collapsed as the dirt entered his eyes while his attack harmlessly went wide. Quickly taking advantage of this enormous opening, I swept my weapon behind his knees to get him to stumble. While Sano-san was amidst his little stumble, I spun from my position in front of him to one behind him. With a sharp and firm swing of my weapon, my sheathed blade smashed mercilessly onto the pressure point in the back of Sano-san neck, knocking him unconscious. It was quick, ungraceful, and dirty, but a win was a win.
I quickly turned around after straightening up from that final strike when I heard a wooden practice sword drop to the floor, breaking the silence that had formed after my victory. Saito-san's little class stared at me slack-jawed and with bulging eyes. Despite the somewhat dishonorable method I had used to achieve victory, I still did manage to knock one of the respected captains unconscious.
"AHH!" Heisuke yelled with his hands on his head, completely shattering the rest of the silence. "You've killed Sano-san! What do we do, Shinpat-san?!"
"Eh?" Shinpachi-san said before snapping out of his daze. "Wait! You mean Shizuka-chan actually killed Sano?! I thought she just knocked him out! Shizuka-chan, how could you?!"
Saito-san sighed at the two's outlandish imagination before stepping in to handle the situation.
"Stop exaggerating. Shizuka only knocked Harada unconscious. Go carry him back to headquarters." Saito-san ordered.
"Err, right!" said Heisuke as he became serious again. "I just always wanted to say that…"
"Wait… You mean Shizuka-chan didn't really kill Sano?" Shinpachi-san asked perplexedly.
"Of course not! What are you? Blind? Shizuka-chan would never willingly kill Sano-san." Heisuke snorted back.
"Right… I knew that… I was just playing along with you and got carried away." Shinpachi-san said with slight embarrassment before throwing one of Sano-san's arms over his shoulders and turned to face me. "You'd better come back with us too, Shizuka-chan. Sano's bruises need to be taken care of."
"But that was pretty amazing." Heisuke said with slight awe as he helped Shinpachi-san with Sano-san. "Who knew that you could actually knock out Sano-san, even if you did fight dirty? He's like, twice your size!"
I picked up Sano-san spear from the floor before skipping after Heisuke and Shinpachi-san on the way back to the compound. "It was dirty, but you know that there is no such thing as a clean fight in reality. A win is a win despite the method used to achieve it. Although, I probably shouldn't have hit Sano-san so hard."
"Aw, don't worry." Shinpachi-san assured me. "Sano-san's a real man. He can take a small hit every once in a while."
"What are you talking about, Shinpat-san?" Heisuke said before pointing out flatly, "A 'small hit' isn't going to knock Sano-san out. That wasn't a small hit."
"What are you doing?" I heard Saito-san scold his men in the fading background as I left the temple grounds with Heisuke, Shinpachi-san, and the unconscious Sano-san. "I never told you to take a break. Continue with practice!"
Back at headquarters, I had Heisuke and Shinpachi-san drop Sano-san off in the medical wing before I set to work to patch up the bruises I had created. The damage wasn't serious, but Sano-san had a massive bruise forming on the back of his neck. I may have hit him a bit too hard there. Even though it did not take a lot of force to knock a person unconscious if the pressure point was used, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to knock Sano-san out with one blow so I put extra force into the hit. My bad. Sano-san was now going to wake up with a massive headache.
"I feel like I just woke up with a massive hangover." Sano-san predictably said sluggishly with one hand on his head. He was now sitting up on the futon he was laying on for several minutes due to being unconscious. Quickly dropping the busywork I was doing to pass time while waiting for him to wake up, I rushed to Sano-san side to help him sit up.
"Sorry. That was my fault." I said regretfully. I hadn't meant to hit him that hard.
"Nah, it's fine. It's my own fault for letting my guard down like that." Sano-san said affably before reaching out to tenderly touch the spot where I had smashed my weapon into. "Ouch!" he cried when his hand connected with the spot.
"Don't touch it!" I scolded him maternally with a slight frown. "Leave it alone so it can heal. I already rubbed some ointment into the bruise to numb some of the pain."
"Numb some of the pain? How hard did you hit me?" Sano-san asked in alarm.
"Harder than I care to admit." I said before apologizing to him once more. "Sorry."
"I said it was fine." Sano-san said with a small sigh before ruffling my hair with a smile. "The bruise will heal, but I think the bruise on my ego might suffer for a while. The soldiers did see me get knocked out by a woman little more than half my size."
"Well, that's your fault for letting your guard down." I said jokingly with my nose in the air before breaking out into giggles. "Stay here and get some rest for the rest of the day, okay? I'll go cook you something to eat right now. So, what do you feel like eating?"
"Hmm… It's been awhile since I had some udon[1]."
"Alright. Just sit tight, I'll be back soon with your food."
"Going back to check on Sano-san again?" Souji asked me with an envious glower as the trailed along slightly behind me while I was heading back to the medical wing. It had been a few hours since my last visit.
The rest of the day had passed without another hiccup and I was now heading back to the medical wing to ask Sano-san what he wanted to eat for dinner as the setting sun painted the white walls a brilliant orange color. Sure I was mothering him a bit too much, to Souji's displeasure, but I was the one that injured him in the first place. Even if guilt had nothing to do with it, I still liked to spoil everyone, though not as much as Souji.
"I was the one that injured him in the first place, so doesn't it make sense that I'm the one that makes sure that he recovers comfortably?" I answered without a pause in my step.
"But he wasn't even hurt that badly in the first place. It's just a bruise." Souji complained. "I can't believe you told Hijikata-san to give Sano-san the rest of the day off. You know I had to take his patrol?"
"Still, it was my fault in the first place." I stated again.
"It wasn't your fault. Sano-san is the one that let his guard down, so it's his fault that he has that tiny bruise in the first place." Souji said, intentionally minimizing the size of Sano-san's bruise.
"But…" I started before trailing off and stopping in place as I saw someone I didn't recognize leaving the Maekawa house out of the corner of my eye.
Strange, out of all the people one could find in the Roshigumi headquarters, another woman besides Kyoko-chan and myself was extremely unusual. This woman wore a beautifully blue and goldenrod-colored kimono. Despite being Japanese, this woman had blonde hair that was gracefully twisted into what appeared to be a french twist. Maybe she had some European ancestry? Who was this woman and what business did she have with the Roshigumi? She was coming from the Maekawa house, so she probably had some business with Serizawa or one of his men. It couldn't be Niimi since he was spending all of his time working on the Water of Life and I couldn't see Hirama as a man that would bring personal business in to the Roshigumi headquarters from the outside. As for Ibuki-kun, it would be ridiculous to even suggest that she was here to see him. The person she had business with was probably Serizawa, but what did she need Serizawa for? Her clothing told me she was no courtesan. Perhaps a relation to a rich merchant? From the disappointed expression on her face, I could guess that whatever she came to do did not go well.
"Shizuka?" Souji asked curiously when I stopped walking.
"Look over there." I whispered back to Souji while pointing at the woman. "Who do you think she is and what business do you think she had with Serizawa?"
"Who cares?" Souji shrugged carelessly at my question before he wrapped his arms around me and made himself comfortable.
Feeling nosy and a need to satisfy my curiosity, I waited for the woman to walk past me and Souji before calling out to her to catch her attention.
"Um, excuse me?" I called out tentatively. The blonde-haired woman paused and turned around to face me when she heard me speak. "Is everything alright? You look quite a bit downtrodden."
"Oh!" she said slightly embarrassed when she realized she wasn't hiding her disappointment as well as she thought she was. "It's nothing. Please do not worry about me. I will be fine."
"Are you sure?" I asked doubtfully. "If it's something to do with Serizawa then it might be better to tell me. Serizawa is a difficult man for a person to deal with alone."
The woman was silent for a bit as she contemplated my words before she decided there would be no harm in telling me what was causing her so much distress.
"My husband, Hishiya the tailor, gave me strict instructions not return to our shop until I collected the payment for the uniforms that Serizawa-sama ordered. Unfortunately, I was just told that Serizawa-sama is not currently in."
"Eh? So Serizawa-san hasn't paid for the uniforms yet?" Souji said as a statement rather than a question as he raised his brow. "Tough luck there. If he hasn't paid yet then that means he never intended to in the first place."
I knew Serizawa ordering tailored uniforms for the whole Roshigumi out of goodwill was too good to be true!
"Surely you jest." the woman said in denial. "I will return again tomorrow to ask for Serizawa-sama once more."
"No, it's better if you don't." I said. "Serizawa is a volatile man and who knows what he'll do to you if he decides that you're a nuisance."
"But I must." the woman answered with determination. "Hishiya demands it so."
"Very well." I said while admiring the woman's steel-like determination. She was tough. "Then please follow me. I'll pay the tailor fees instead."
"Shizuka, I thought you hated Serizawa-san." Souji said while grabbing my wrist to prevent me from heading to my new destination. "So, why are you offering to pay for him?"
"I'm not paying for Serizawa." I said with slight annoyance. "I'm paying for the Roshigumi. Even though Serizawa was the one that ordered the uniform to be made, all the members wear the uniforms. Each one of the members that has ever worn the uniform is also responsible for the massive fee. Besides, if the tailor fees aren't paid off, it's the Roshigumi as a whole that will look bad, not just Serizawa. It may harm any possible partnerships the Roshigumi may have in the future if the fees aren't paid off.
Souji sighed in defeat at my explanation before he released my wrist. "So to the bank?"
I nodded before taking the lead. "This way please. Oh! I never did ask for your name. My name is Okita Shizuka and this is my husband Okita Souji. I apologize for the inconvenience you faced while trying to collect the fees."
"It was trying, but I am glad that the Roshigumi does have some honest people in it. My name is Oume. It is a pleasure to meet you and your danna-sama."
In the end the tailor fees were paid off before the sun had fully set and Oume-san returned back to her shop with a pleasant smile on her face. However, the uniforms that Serizawa ordered for the Roshigumi were terribly expensive. A good deal of the funds I had managed to procure for the Roshigumi had vanished in an instant. Hopefully the relationship Otou-san and Hijikata-san had managed to build up with the sumo stable master from Osaka could result in a sumo performance that could be used to add more funds for the Roshigumi use.
"So what are you going to tell Hijikata-san when explaining why the Roshigumi funds are suddenly so low?" Souji asked me from behind as I prepared dinner for tonight. He had wrapped his arms around my waist and put his chin on my shoulder while I was stirring the miso soup. We had returned to headquarters so that I could prepare dinner for everyone.
"I'll just tell him the truth." I said as I added the tofu into the pot. "I'm sure Hijikata-san will see it from my point of view. We can't have the Roshigumi's name sink any lower than it already has."
"Hmm… I see." Souji said before taking a small sip of soup from the ladle I had brought up to his lips. "It needs more salt."
"You know, too much salt is bad for the body." I said with a frown. "The body will naturally accumulate more water in order to dilute the excess amount of sodium in the body. The extra water in the body will increase the blood volume in the bloodstream, resulting in extra pressure and more work for the heart. Over time, the extra pressure and work will stiffen the blood vessels, thus resulting in high blood pressure, heart attack, and/or stroke."
"Fine." Souji pouted. "Don't add anymore salt then."
"Little Ai-chan was really cute!" I gushed on the way back home in the late morning with Souji.
Little Ai-chan was a one year old baby I had left to go treat for a fever in the middle of last night. Ai-chan's mother appeared at the headquarters last night asking for me and begged Hijikata-san to let me accompany her back to her house to treat the one year old girl that had come down with a slight fever. Apparently the mother had heard about me through her next door neighbor, who was friends with Kyoko-chan's family. Unwilling to let me leave the compound alone, Souji had decided to come with me in this little event. The baby had nothing serious, just a small ear infection that was easily treated with the draining of the excess fluid from the middle ear.
The treatment itself did not take too long but I stayed behind to monitor the baby for a few hours because she was so young. Nothing went wrong in the end and when little Ai-chan woke up again in the morning she spent the whole time smiling and laughing at me.
"Yeah." Souji agreed with a gentle expression on his face as he watched me frolic around a bit.
"Having her smile and laugh at me all morning makes me wish that I had one of my own already or at least have one on the way." I said cheerfully as I slowed back down to a normal paced walk.
Souji chuckled at me, "Don't worry. I'm sure we'll have a couple of our own before long, especially with the way I've been going at you."
Blood rushed to my face at the last part of his statement before I stopped walking to turn towards him while making a face.
"While it's no secret what a husband and wife do behind closed doors, did you have to say that in public?"
"Why not?" Souji replied with a grin. "You look cute when you blush. Come on, let's stop for some dango before heading back."
I pouted at Souji once more before taking his arm and letting him lead me to the small teahouse near the side of the road. Much to my glee and surprise, as we approached the teahouse, I spotted Kosuzu-chan and Ibuki-kun sitting outside on the bench together. Their relationship was blooming quite nicely.
"Oh, yeah!" I heard Ibuki-kun exclaim as Souji and I approached the teahouse. I quickly pulled Souji to the side so we could eavesdrop on the conversation without being spotted. Souji raised his eyebrow at me, but said nothing. "Shimabara is going to be quiet for a bit." Ibuki-kun continued.
"Why is that?" Kosuzu-chan asked curiously.
"Serizawa-san will be going to Osaka in a couple of days due to work."
"Osaka?"
"Yeah." Ibuki-kun seemed to boast. "I'll be going with him."
However, Kosuzu-chan wasn't the least bit relieved. "Shimabara may be okay, but I'm worried that he might torment the maiko and geisha in Osaka…" she voiced her concern.
"I'll make sure that Serizawa-san doesn't get rough with them."
"Really? I'll hold you to that!" Kosuzu-chan said cheerfully.
"Hmm… Are you sure you want to do that?" Souji said with a wry grin as he stepped out from behind the wall I pull him behind. "Ibuki-kun is pretty useless and is always getting thrown around by Serizawa-san."
I facepalmed when Souji stepped out of our hiding place just to tease Ibuki-kun. Deciding that our cover was blown I stuck out my head from behind Souji and waved at Kosuzu-chan.
"Kosuzu-chan!" I called happily.
"Ah! It's you two!" Ibuki-kun exclaimed in surprise at our arrival before pointing at Souji accusingly. "Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!"
"Exactly what I said. You're always getting beaten around by his iron fan, aren't you?" Souji pointed out teasingly.
"Ignore them." I said to Kosuzu-chan cheerfully. "You don't need to look so worried. My husband and I will also be going to Osaka too. I can help keep an eye on Ibuki-kun and Serizawa. Everything will be fine."
[1] Udon (饂飩, usually written as うどん) is a type of thick wheat flour noodle of Japanese cuisine. Udon is often served hot as a noodle soup in its simplest form, as kake udon, in a mildly flavored broth called kakejiru, which is made of dashi, soy sauce (shōyu), and mirin. It is usually topped with thinly chopped scallions. Other common toppings include tempura, often prawn or kakiage (a type of mixed tempura fritter), or aburaage, a type of deep-fried tofu pockets seasoned with sugar, mirin, and soy sauce. A thin slice of kamaboko, a half-moon-shaped fish cake, is often added. Shichimi can be added to taste.