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Act XXXVIII
186. Sacrifices
We sat at the kitchen table, tea cooling between us as we stared at each other.
"You left me."
"Potter said you needed me."
We spoke at the same time, tangling our words.
I reached over and cupped his hand. "I do need you, just not the way I think you think."
He frowned thoughtfully. "I gave you everything I could think of."
I choked back a sob and his eyes widened in panic. "Severus, I don't want your money or your stuff; I want you," I whispered. "Please—I love you and I want you to stay with me."
187. Walk
He stood and crossed to the window that looked over the garden, his back to me.
"If you find an intelligent companion who will walk with you, who lives wisely, soberly, overcoming all dangers, walk with that person in joy and thoughtfulness. The Buddha." I whispered, and after a long moment I continued softly, "I love you and I think you love me, too, but if you don't feel the same, I won't ask you to stay. I won't accept anything less than the truth from you. We have never lied to each other; please, don't lie to me now."
188. Stay
When he turned towards me his face was smooth and blank. My heart sank, and I took a fortifying sip of tepid tea.
"When I left, I was certain I was doing the right thing, the thing that would make you happiest," he said in a quiet voice. "I apologize—" his eyes slid away from me, to some point over my shoulder, "for causing you pain, and for misjudging your desires completely." When he finally met my gaze, his eyes were bright. "I would like to stay here, with you."
I was in his arms in the next moment.
189. Coming Home
Kissing him was like coming home at last.
How surprising that after all of the silence, misunderstandings, and nights alone, it had been so simple after all—I wrapped my arms around his neck with a happy sigh. But then, we had always been something of an anomaly, individually, as well as a couple.
"I ought to have said something sooner," I murmured against his frock coat.
He gave a little growl that rumbled in his chest. "And when, pray, would you have had a chance? I started pushing you away almost immediately after we traveled back to London."
190. Explanation
"You do owe me some sort of explanation, you know," I teased.
But his expression was serious as he touched my hair. "The orange and pink are fading again," he murmured.
I laughed. "Yes. I thought I might try for a more sophisticated look. Do you think that brown you used would suit me?"
He frowned. "Why would you alter yourself?"
"I thought you might prefer it if I didn't look so much like a fucking teenaged rebel."
He smiled and gave my shoulders a little shake. "I told you not to change."
"You didn't say anything about growing up."
A celebration for renaid, who loves the last line.