A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

I own a new pair of Michael Kors Espadrilles.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 37

The uncomfortable sound of silence that surrounded us was contrasted by the loving way that Edward's hands were still tightly gripping mine. I could feel the soft and methodic circles that his thumb was tracing on my palm and that tender and affectionate action allowed me to relax as I sat in his lap. I looked into his eyes and even though there were too many emotions to acknowledge, I could see and understand them all. He let out the breath that he was holding and before I knew what was happening, he had released my hands and was wrapping his arms around me. I circled my arms around his neck and laid my head on his shoulder as he pressed his nose and mouth to my hair, breathing in deeply.

"You've decided then?" he asked quietly, though it sounded like more of a statement than a question.

"Yes," I told him. "I feel like it's the only way that I can move forward and still maintain my credibility."

"Newton," he said with obvious distaste. "I fucking knew, Bella. I've known all along. And I knew that you would never see it."

"No," I agreed. "I never would have thought in a million years that he harbored those kinds of feelings for me. Honestly, and please don't be upset by what I'm about to say, but honestly, I thought that it was a jealousy-driven insecurity that you had. It was just so...so shocking, for lack of a better word."

"I could have him fired for this," he said, obviously without any thought.

"Really, Edward?" I asked, shocked by his vindictive statement. "That's a little ridiculous, don't you think? Especially coming from you."

I didn't want to upset him, but I also didn't want to give up this new honesty between us that truly allowed for full disclosure. Not just some insecure version of an open and honest relationship where we only told each other the things that they thought they wanted to hear. His contrite expression told me that he at least had the decency to somewhat regret what he'd said, even if he didn't altogether mean it.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said and the sincerity in his voice warmed and covered me and made me realize just how far we'd come. "It's just that…I mean…can be honest?"

His voice was low and questioning and it blended with an insecurity that I hadn't heard since I'd forgiven him.

"You can always be honest with me, Edward."

I wrapped my arms around him tighter, pressing my fingers into his neck. I wanted him to know that there was nothing that he could say that would ever change the way I felt about him. I loved and trusted him so fucking much and there was nothing that mattered more than that. I knew that a deeper and more evolved security would come in time…for both of us. We just had to allow ourselves the time to develop and expand that trust through a love that was unyielding.

"I knew he would do this at some point and I'm man enough to admit that after everything we've been through – after everything I did – I just wasn't sure..."

His voice trailed off and though he didn't finish his thought, I knew what he was feeling.

And I wouldn't allow it.

Not with the realizations I'd had of my own today.

Edward loved me wholly and completely…all of me.

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen," I said, my voice soft, but certain. "Nothing…there is nothing or no one that can ever take me from you. Everything I said to you last night when we made love…in Forks, hell, before all of this happened – everything I've said to you was true."

"I know," he said. "I do know that. I didn't mean to make you think that I wasn't sure of you...of our love. I let go of all of that the moment that you told me to come to you last night. It's just him."

His words were perfect and exactly what I needed to hear, but I wanted him to know what I'd discovered for myself while I was at lunch with Michael. And I wanted us to move forward from this because he was my future.

"I sat across from him today and I listened to him tell me that he loved me and all I could think about was the fact that he didn't…not really."

"Oh, he is definitely in love with you," he said sarcastically.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you," I said. "He doesn't love me. Not really. It's all I could think about today. Don't you see?"

"What?" he asked.

"He was telling me that he loved me and he doesn't even really know me. Not the way...not..." I paused, trying not to trip over my words. My thoughts were getting jumbled and I wanted to express myself to him so that he could understand. "He only thinks he loves me, Edward...but he doesn't. He doesn't love me because he doesn't know me. Not the way that you know me."

His eyes softened at my words and I continued speaking.

"He tried to tell me that he knew me. He spoke about my drive to succeed and my loyalty. He told me that he knew that it takes me a long time to make a decision, but that when I do, the decision is final. And all of that was true."

Edward let out a deep breath and as I looked into his eyes I could tell that he was surprised, if not more than a little angry that Michael had been so on target.

"He said that?" he asked; his voice tight as the muscle in his jaw twitched again.

"Yes," I told him. "He did, but none of that matters. Of course he would know those things. We have worked closely together for over four years. But here's the thing, Edward. This is what I realized."

"Tell me," he said, his voice anxious and merely above a whisper.

"You know those things, too. You know all of that about me, but you also know the reasons that I'm like that," I said. I started speaking again and the words poured from my mouth as fast as they occurred to me. "You know that I am driven to be successful because I had a mother that could barely take care of me when I was a child. You understand the need that I have to be able to take care of myself even though you want and need to take care of me, too. You understand that I take a long time to make decisions because the same mother made flighty and impetuous decisions that usually ended up hurting us in the long run. And you understand that I am fiercely loyal because that is exactly what I need from the people in my life and because it is one of the things that Charlie holds most important. I never shared those things with anyone except Alice…but I shared them with you because you made me feel – for the first time in my life – like it was alright to be those things. You told me that I was wonderful and special and beautiful. Not in spite of those things, but because of them. And when you told me those things that night…the night after I met your family…you also told me that you loved me and that you had chosen me."

I stopped speaking, taking in a deep breath of air. I was staring at him and his eyes were so intense, but beyond all of that, they reflected the same love that I was talking about.

"Oh, Bella," he said, pulling me closer.

"That's what I realized today, Edward," I murmured against his neck. "You know me...the real me and you love me...you love all of me."

We were staring into each other's eyes. The moment had suddenly gone from quiet and questioning to intense and longing. Without another word, I kissed him. It was the only thing I could do to show him how I felt because even though the words I'd said were true, they simply weren't enough. His lips were warm and soft against mine, though his kiss was firm and deliberate. I brought my hands around to cup his face as he wound his fingers through my hair. He tried to pull me closer, but because of the way that we were sitting, the angle didn't allow for it. Without breaking our kiss, I turned in his lap, placing one knee on the couch beside him until I was straddling him. His hands instinctively reached down and cupped my ass as he pulled me flush against him, groaning into my mouth.

"I love you," I murmured, as I pulled away, trying to take a breath.

"I love you, too, Bella, so fucking much," he rasped. "Thank you."

His lips were on mine again and though he hadn't told me why he was thankful, I knew. I knew with every kiss of his lips. I knew with every brush of his tongue against mine. And even more important than my knowledge, was the knowledge that he now had. The truth that it had always been him...would always be him. There would never be anyone else for me. He was my choice.

His hands were on my hips and I could feel his fingers pressing into the waist of my pants and I was desperate for him to touch me. He couldn't slide them all the way in, so he pulled on my sweater, un-tucking it and sliding his warm hands along the bare skin of my back. I whimpered at the feeling of his hands on me because as familiar as he was and as much as body recognized his touch, every time he touched me, it felt new.

His lips trailed along my cheek, but because of the pashmina, he couldn't kiss my neck. With fumbling hands, he pulled at the fabric until I was free of it, only to find that I was wearing a turtleneck. He laughed softly through his frustration and I laughed with him before kissing his lips gently three succinct times.

"We are in your office, Edward," I said. "We can't do this here."

"You're right," he agreed. "I know you're right."

"Tonight," I told him. "I'm all yours tonight."

He smiled at me...and it was a smile that lit up his already sparkling green eyes.

"Well, you're wrong about that, Ms. Swan," he said, smoothing out my sweater with his hands. "There isn't a moment of the day that you're not mine."

I hugged him tightly, inhaling his scent and completely content in this new and wonderful intimacy between us.

"Mmm..." I hummed against his cheek. "Yeah, baby…I am."

We stayed there together, just holding each other, not wanting the moment to end, but we both knew that there was still something that we needed to discuss. His hands found mine again and he absentmindedly played with my fingers. I wondered if I should be the first to speak, especially given the fact that I had been the one to make the choice, but before I could say anything, he asked the question that we had both been avoiding.

"Can we talk about Darman?" he asked.

At first, I wasn't sure he knew who Aro Darman was. I should have known that Edward would be more informed than I expected. Hell, I hadn't even known who he was until Michael gave me his contact information.

Aro was the director of stores for Northman, Fineley's biggest competitor. They were a smaller company and slightly more specialized in the market, but they were consistently profitable. Their customer base, though smaller than Fineley's, was extremely brand-loyal and because of that fact, they had been able to thrive during the challenging economic environment of the last two years.

"I think we should talk about it," I told him honestly. "My decision affects you to some extent, too. And I want to know what you think."

"So you've decided, then?" he asked. "It's final?"

"Well nothing is final until I meet with him next week," I said, "but yes...I have to have a job, Edward and given the situation and the recent turn of events, I think it's best that I don't return to Fineley's."

I had told Michael at the end of our lunch today that I wouldn't be returning. He immediately thought that it was his fault, but I assured him that there were other personal factors influencing my decision. It was then that he told me that he knew that Northman had a position opening up and that he had a contact in their company. I'd questioned this, but he informed me that he and Aro worked together in the beginning of his career and had maintained contact throughout the years. He also told me that it was always good to keep contacts within the industry. I had never thought about that. Fineley's had been all I'd ever known. Even though I had been successful, I was still in the very early stages of my career - a career that I thought would be spent with the same company.

"Why do you feel like this is the only option that you have?" he asked.

"Because it is," I said simply. "I need to work, Edward. And to be honest, I am damn good at what I do. Any company would be lucky to have me."

I wasn't trying to be arrogant; I was stating another truth that I had fully realized today. My accomplishments were mine alone. They had nothing to do with anyone else. And the truth of the matter was that I was fortunate to have found out about this opportunity.

"You're leaving your job because of me," he said; his voice low and filled with regret. "I fucking hate that I am the reason that you feel you have to do this."

"Stop," I said. "Just stop that right now. I am leaving because I feel like it's the right thing to do. And I would do it a million times because I want to be with you, Edward. I don't want there to be anything in my professional life that affects my personal life. This is the only option that allows me to keep them separate."

"I'll step down," he said. "I don't want the sacrifice to be yours. It should be mine. This is my fault."

"It's not just you, Edward. You could step down and I still wouldn't feel right about it. It would still be your family and if we are going to really do this and be together...I would still feel like it was a conflict of interest. I appreciate so much you're offering to do that, but it still wouldn't solve the problem."

I was being as honest with him as possible...needing him to see that this was the only solution that would allow me to maintain not just my integrity, but also my sense of self. This was who I was...and I had to have a career.

"You'll be working for the competition," he said.

"Well, yes," I said, "but only if I get the job."

"Oh, you'll get the job," he said. "Darman is a sharp and cunning business man from what I've read about him. He will hire you, Bella. He will hire you if for nothing more than the fact that he would be gaining an accomplished Fineley's executive."

"Can't you see that this is the only way?" I asked, pleading with him with my eyes.

"I told you that I would support you this morning...whatever you decided," he said. "I also told you that I would never lie to you again...and I meant that, Bella. If this is your decision, than I will support it."

"Thank you," I said, kissing him one more time. "Thank you, Edward."

"Just because I'm supporting it," he started. "Just because I'm supporting it, doesn't mean that I have to like it."
"Fair enough, Mr. Cullen," I said. "I can live with that."

He pulled me close again and held me tightly, whispering words of apology and telling me that he loved me. I let him hold me for a while, but I eventually pulled back.

"Did you have something specific in mind for tonight?" I asked him, remembering the Christmas trees from earlier.

"No, why?" he asked. "I just want to be with you, Bella. Did you have something in mind?"

"Yeah," I told him. "I have something very specific in mind that will require us being in all night."

His eyes flashed with desire and passion and caused my whole body to tingle and ache.

"Well," he said. "Who am I to stand in the way of what you want?"

"Can you be at my place at seven?" I asked already formulating a plan in my mind.

Unexpectedly, he kissed me...deeply and wetly.

"I'll be there at six."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

It was five-thirty by the time the Christmas tree I'd purchased had been delivered and set up in the living room of my apartment. I had gone shopping after I left Edward to finish his day at work. I spent two hours picking out twinkle lights and ornaments. I had even found the perfect red velvet bows and matching tree skirt. Edward and I were going to decorate a Christmas tree together...our first Christmas tree. In many ways, it felt like my first Christmas tree and I was more excited about it than I could ever remember being about anything.

I stood in the middle of the room, looking at it. It was much bigger than it looked when I bought it, but because of the vaulted ceilings in my apartment, it wasn't too big. I could smell the fragrant spices of the mulled wine that was warming in the kitchen as the aroma filled my home...and in that moment, everything was perfect.

I wanted it to be perfect because even after everything we'd been through...Edward was still perfect for me.

I docked my iPod and set it to a Christmas playlist I had downloaded while I was waiting for the tree to be delivered. I was pleased with myself at the way everything had turned out. Who knew that I could be so domestic? The only thing missing was a fire in a fireplace, but I didn't have one of those, so we would have to make due with the soft, flickering glow of the cinnamon candles I had burning.

I had just finished changing into a pair of jeans and a fitted burgundy knit top with a deep v-neckline when the front desk called to let me know that Edward was there. I unlocked my front door and headed to the kitchen to check on the wine. I was stirring the steeping, hot liquid when I felt him press up behind me. Not just me, but my entire body smiled and warmed at his presence. He moved my long and tousled hair to the side and he placed an open, wet kiss on the curve of my neck and shoulder. I shivered in response and I could feel my nipples grow tight and harden at the sensation of his mouth, hot and moist and sucking my sensitive skin. His arms circled around my waist and I moaned as I laced my fingers with his.

As he continued kissing me, I brought our connected hands up until his palms were cupping my breasts. I knew that he would be able to feel what he did to me, even through the thin fabric of my top and the sheer layer of my bra. He moaned, his open mouth against my neck, the vibration of his voice causing my nipples to harden even more. I whimpered as he took the tip of his index finger and swirled circles around my puckered and textured areola... and I gasped as he pinched my nipple through the fabric.

I wanted to press back against him to see if he was as affected as me, but I didn't need to. I knew he was and I also knew that if I felt him like that we would never do any of the things that I had planned. We would have all night to make love, but if we went to bed now, we would never make it back to the tree.

"Welcome home, baby," I said, my voice breathy and deep.

"Mmm..." he hummed against my neck before bringing his mouth to my ear. "Feel free to welcome me home like this anytime. And Bella…what you're wearing is so much better than a turtleneck."

I turned in his arms to face him, my nipple slipping from his fingers and the almost painful feeling was deliciously erotic. I wrapped my arms around his waist as he pulled me into his warm embrace. When I looked up at him, the look in his eyes nearly knocked me over. It was passion and desire, but mostly it was filled with love. I would never tire of that look. Not ever.

"Let me kiss you properly," he said; his voice thick with all of the emotion I saw in his eyes.

"Yes, please," I told him. "Because the way you were just kissing me was definitely improper, Mr. Cullen."

"Well, we can't have that now, can we?" he said before pressing his lips to mine in a searing kiss.

Two hours later, as the sounds of Ella Fitzgerald singing Baby it's Cold Outside filled the room, Edward and I sat down together on the couch and looked at the Christmas tree we had decorated. The lights were off and the space was illuminated by only the lights on the tree and the few candles that were still burning. He took my empty cup from my hand and placed it on the table in front of us, before settling back into the couch and pulling me against him with his arms wrapped around my waist.

"I can't believe that you wanted to do this with me tonight," he murmured in my ear.

"I just kept thinking about Thanksgiving with your family and how important tradition is to you…and I've never had that," I told him honestly. I was surprised that my voice wasn't small because talking about these things had always made me uncomfortable. "But I want that with you. I want all of it with you."

"When you say all of it, Bella…what do you imagine?"

His question seemed so genuine and I really took the time to think about my answer.

"I want the traditions, too, Edward…but I want to make traditions of our own. I want the tree and the presents…and I want hot cocoa with marshmallows. I want to snuggle with you on the couch while we watch old Christmas movies…but mostly, I just want you and whatever that will mean to us."

"Do you have any idea of how deeply I am in love with you, Bella?" he asked; his voice suddenly deep and throatier than before.

"I know how much I love you…and yes, I think I know how much you love me."

I wanted to look at him…to see his face as I told him how much the night had meant to me. I wanted to be able to look in his eyes and allow him to see that I was ready to move on with him. I was ready to begin our life together as a couple that had nothing else to hide from each other…so I did. I twisted on the couch and turned to face him, pulling my knees underneath me and resting on my heels as I looked at him. He took my hands in his and he leaned forward to kiss me softly…so, so softly.

"I want all of that with you, too," he told me, in between kisses to the corners of my mouth. "You don't know what it means to me to hear you say that you want to make our own traditions, Bella. Because I want that so much."

There was a new level of intimacy between us that was changing and growing deeper with every moment that had passed between us. It began the moment that we sat together on my father's front porch that night in Forks. We had been laid bare in front of each other then with nothing else to hide…raw and completely exposed. In the beginning of our relationship, there had always been an underlying tension between us that I had continuously chalked up to intense sexual attraction. I knew better now. I knew it was the fear that existed because Edward thought that I was going to leave him when I learned the truth and I had never felt like I was good enough for him. That tension was gone now…but the intense sexual attraction was still there. And now it was accompanied by this overwhelming love and acceptance of each other.

"I hate that I ever hurt you," he whispered. "I should never be the one that hurts you. I should always be the one that protects and loves you more than anything."

"I would take the hurt again, Edward," I told him. "I would take it again because I know…I know that it brought us here to this place..."

"This place…" he said, taking my hand and placing it on his chest.

"I can feel your heart beating," I whispered.

"For you," he said and he pulled me to him once again, kissing me like he would never have another opportunity.

There wasn't another word spoken between us as Edward took me in his arms and carried me to our bed. Not a single word was spoken as he slowly removed every piece of my clothing. The way he touched and kissed every inch of me was nothing short of worship. Every caress of his hand was a prayer. Every stroke of his tongue was a song. And when he knelt above me, my entire body and soul praying to connect with him…he reverently told me that he loved me as he finally pushed inside.

Uniting us and joining us.

And I knew it was and would be forever.

A/N

Please leave me some love and review.

Thanks and love to my beta and soulmate, Marvar. You totally worked your magic on this chapter even though you were on vacation and I really have no words to thank you for that. You are beautiful and lovely and intelligent and your ass is divine. You continue to be the best part of this fanfic addiction and I definitely love you more than LeBron. #noquestion #FLS

Thank you to my readers for loving this story so much and continuing to support it.

Marvar is the Team Darcyward captain for Retail Therapy by cosmogirl7481. Contact her on Twitter (marvar29) or email forthwithward (at) gmail (dot) com to support FGBEclipse. I will be writing a chapter of Retail Therapy from EPOV. The winner chooses the chapter, and I am guessing that since you are all pervs like me, I will be writing a chapter that is hot and lemontastic.

What owns me this week:

I recc'd this a little over a month ago, but it is 5 Chapters in now and is continuing to own my ass:

A Matter of Trust by quietruby

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