Corpse Party: Blood Drive Aftermath

by IIonezerozero

After the events of Blood Drive, Kishinuma Yoshiki is alone in a world that no longer remembers him. Now, with no friends or allies, he must seek to uphold the vow he made to himself. A world of cults, conspiracies, and spirits awaits him. Can he protect himself and Ayumi, and find a way to survive in this new world? Includes; CP:C TCAM, CP:TS, CP:BC, CP:BC (RF), CP:BD

38. ADF - Chapter 12 - Two Days, Doll Making

2009/02/02 - Monday

Yoshiki's Room – Real World – Yoshiki

"Focus." San's voice commanded me.

"Control your emotions, and direct them in a direction of your choosing."

I'm sitting on the floor, cross legged. San's katana should lie on the table in front of me. With my eyes scrunched together, I only knew that because I had placed there a few minutes earlier.

Today San was supposedly training me to control my spiritual energy. She said something about 'the first step to awakening your spiritual ability'. At the moment all she had told me to do was sit in a comfortable position and keep my emotions in check.

"Wrong, your spiritual energy is barely moving. Focus harder."

I sigh and shift my position, straightening my back.

What did she mean by controlling my emotions? I'd pretty much just woken up and had the remains of the lunchbox from last night. The only emotions I was really capable of feeling was the remaining bitterness about her force feeding me those pudding and a growing irritation at her ordering me around.

"Hey, San is this really working?"

"If it were I wouldn't be yelling at you so much."

I sigh at her bored voice and open my eyes again. My room opens up in front of me. The curtains are drawn letting in the sun from outside, and the 'unacceptable' wrapping covered sword lies lengthwise on the table.

"What am I trying to do then?" Relaxing my posture I uncross my legs and lean back against the bed. "Isn't this just some sort of weird meditation?"

"We're trying to get you to feel you spiritual energy." Scratching my head at her exasperated tone I wait for her to explain further. "At the moment all you have is a large amount of energy but no way to use it or even control its output."

"I thought you had to be born with it?" She had said something like that yesterday. Something about you either had the ability to control it or not from birth.

"True, you don't have any spiritual ability at all. I'd even say that you'd struggle to use even the weakest charms. It's not in your nature to, after all." I frown at the packaged sword, and her image appears in the metal that's visible from underneath the paper. "But that isn't an excuse to not try. To be honest, the only reason I say you have potential is because of your massive reserves."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Spiritual ability is often correlated with the amount of spiritual energy." Her blue eyes looked back at mine. "Even within the spiritual laws of physics the idea of output being proportional if not equivalent to the input exists. Therefore, with your reserves and production rate, you have enough resources to use some of the heavier hitting spells and techniques in existence."

"Then why don't you just hurry up and teach me those?"

Sighing lightly through her nose in reply, San closes her eyes and shakes her head.

"Using a spell or technique isn't about memorizing lines of words or a set of actions. The first step is to be able to control you spiritual energy." Looking me in the eye again, I sit up slightly to show I'm paying attention. "The first requirement to actually use spiritual abilities is the direction and control of you energy. This is particularly important for people with small reserves since a lack of control could literally throw your life out the window."

"But that's not applicable to me right?" I apparently have 'astronomical reserves', so her comparison doesn't fit me.

"True, but it's important to understand just how dangerous what you're suggesting is. Remember you are literally fighting with your life. Even if you have a lot of energy to spare it's not inexhaustible. Using it carelessly will kill you."

I swallow nervously as a bead of sweat runs down my back.

"Looks like you got the message. Mastering spiritual abilities is dangerous, even for those born with it. However..." A faint smile appears on her face. "We have a bit more room to play with than the average person."

"I'm not too sure about this all of a sudden..."

"It was never going to be easy. On top of that we're going to be cutting a lot of corners." Brushing a lock of her out of the way, she continues. "It's lucky you've got some energy to spare. I won't have to mollycoddle you through this. After all, unlike a normal person, I can use a rougher hand without breaking anything."

"..."

Giving her the dirtiest look I can muster, I slouch a bit. I have a few choice words but trying to win in an argument with her never works for me. I'd just end up digging my own grave as always.

"So... What? I'm supposed to just sit here until I can 'control my emotions' or some crap like that?"

"Neither of us has the patience to do that, but it's the first step to exploiting your potential."

"Can't we just skip it then? I thought you said spiritual energy was linked to spiritual ability, if that's the case isn't this sort of basic stuff useless?"

San sighs again before suddenly sitting down on something within the blade.

Does she get tired standing up inside there?

"People born with large amounts of spiritual energy often have spiritual ability, but you weren't born with your current reserves."

She closes her eyes in thought.

"Remember how I told you were forced to train your ability? The only thing that increased was your reserves and production rate. In other words you have a lot of spiritual muscle but no nerves to move it."

Her eyes open as another smirk appears on her face.

"Perhaps fat is a better analogy though."

"Can souls get fat?"

A deadpan response receives a deadpan gaze in return.

"Idiot, I'm using it as an example. For something that has no physical parameters there's no meaning to words like fat or thin. What I'm saying is that you have a lot of power but no way to control it except to increase your production rate by an arbitrary amount. The best you could do in terms of spiritual ability is blast away spirits with your ridiculous reserves but that's neither effective nor efficient."

"That sounds pretty awesome on its own." I say while scratching my head.

"I explained it badly, let me reiterate. What you can do now isn't project an actual blast but closer to washing away something with water. By increasing your production rate the spiritual energy will either overwhelm or deter spirits from approaching you."

"Really?!"

Leaning forward, San blinks in surprise at my enthusiasm.

How can I not be happy? If I have a way to get rid of spirits then I might be able to get rid of Sachi right now!

"Don't get too excited." San's voice brings me back down to earth.

"I said it wasn't very effective. Even if your reserves are large they aren't large enough to wipe out a powerful spirit. Don't bother trying to do any exorcisms with that method. A spirit that can possess someone would most likely have the ability to either avoid or absorb the excess energy you release."

"Then what am I trying to do right now?"

Slumping back into my original position, I return to square one. What was the point of me sitting here and closing my eyes?

"We're trying to get you to direct your spiritual energy."

San's tone sounds as exasperated as I feel.

"If you can do that it will improve your efficiency by a large amount. At the moment all you can do is release your energy in all directions."

I sit up a bit to listen to her better.

"Simply being able to project it forwards will increase the density and volume of the power you can release. Think of it like pinching a garden hose. By decreasing the surface area of the outlet you can increase the force the water comes out with."

"And me sitting here is helping that, how?"

"The first step is to control your emotions. Spiritual energy is connected with emotions and intent. By controlling those two it might allow you to direct your energy."

She pauses to check if I'm following along and I nod in response.

"But that's only the first step. Gaining real spiritual ability from here will be difficult. After all what we're trying to do is grow nerves through an organ you only gained recently."

She snorts.

"I guess your, 'learning to wiggle your eyebrows' analogy isn't too bad."

"Thanks for the compliment."

"My pleasure. It might be the only one coming from me in your upcoming lessons, though."

"If I were paying for these I'd be asking for a refund right now."

"Hmph, if I wasn't reliant on you for mobility I wouldn't have taught you even if you begged me."

"That's my line. If you were a teacher at my school I would have skipped all the classes you taught and slept on the school roof instead."

"Teaching kids was never my dream job."

Leaning back against the bed again, I looked up at the ceiling.

I guess I was being impatient, but sitting here and being told to do something like 'control your emotions' felt pretty useless. On top of that San said it wasn't working. If it I was going to waste my time here I'd rather go visit Shinozaki or phone Niwa. The guy there had said she'd contact me and usually I'd be fine with that.

The only issue was I hadn't been paid. Checking my bankbook had shown about 30,000 yen inside. Enough for this month and maybe some of the next but that wasn't including; rent, water, or electricity.

There were no notices in my mail box nor had I received any complaints from the land lord. Hopefully that meant I didn't have to pay anything. It might be that my erased existence kept people from noticing that someone was living here but I didn't want to take my chances.

Also, going through that ordeal without a cent to my name didn't sit right with me.

An idle question goes through my mind.

"Was being a spiritual investigator yours then?"

"... No, I guess I just had nothing else better to do. That's all."

"Huh?"

"It's nothing. Anyways that's enough for a break. Get back in the proper position."

"R-right..."

Sitting back up I continue San's 'training'.

...

...

...

"Ugh, my back is killing me..."

Having been sat in the same position for almost four hours had left my back stiff and my legs numb. We had taken a break for lunch and I was walking on the street to the nearest convenience store.

In the end progress was pretty much zero. She had kept on saying that it was about intent or emotion or something but I had no idea what she was talking about to begin with.

To be honest, if it was about emotions how in the world did San manage to control her spiritual ability? She seemed calm and collected, especially when we were in danger.

Even when she was a child she didn't seem that emotional. That dream I had of her childhood didn't show her emotional in anyway or form, even though her father was killed right in front of her. Her mother felt pretty cold as well, almost as if she was emotionally detached. I know people deal with grief in different ways but this felt slightly different to hiding one's emotions.

Scratching my head I looked up at the sky. The sky was a clear blue with only a few faint clouds in sight.

A slightly chilly wind made me rub my arms for a bit of warmth. Tokyo gets a bit chilly during this month, too bad I had lost both my school and casual jacket. Getting paid by Niwa was even more important. With only a black t-shirt and olive cargo pants I'd probably catch a cold. Come to think of it, I left my backpack at Magari's mansion as well. Going all the way out there again to get it back didn't seem worth it. Would Niwa reimburse me for it?

Shaking my head I look back down the street. I'd have to remember to bring it up with her later.

Something goes through my stomach.

"Glgh..."

Looking down at it shows a white unblemished school shirt. Old wooden boards enter my peripheral vision. Then a line or red opens up along my midriff. Fluid is carried up between the strands of wool that form the shirt, like how colored water can flow up a piece of tissue paper.

I feel something wet come up my throat and choke on it. The vibration causes my torso to slip along the finely cut edge of my stomach.

Red splashes downward onto the floor from the right side of the revealed cross section. It only oozes out of my lower half like a cup of water that's been over filled. But I can't even feel the wetness that should be going down my legs.

'Shi... it...'

Stumbling, I end up leaning against a telephone pole. Cold sweat comes up from every pore as I gasp for air. My left hand touches where the wound was in my visions. It feels dry and warm. I don't feel any blood coming out.

Lifting the same hand to my face confirms I haven't been hurt at all.

Dropping it I take in a few deep breaths before pushing off of the telephone pole. A few people are staring at me as they walk along the street but quickly avoid my gaze. Guess the entire not being able to be noticed by others really only works when I don't want it too.

Taking one final breath I wipe my brow with my arm and continue walking.

I hadn't told anyone about the visions so far. San seemed to know something about them but I hadn't had the time to ask any further. This time it was another vision of me dying in Heavenly Host. I'd seen them before and San had even forced me to watch one to get rid of that massive black thing that was attacking me back there.

My visions usually showed me dying.

Sometimes they showed me something completely random.

Things I didn't remember at all.

But for the most part it was always me dying or being dead. I had thought the visions I experienced now were separate from the ones I experienced when running away from or fighting Magari. But were the two actually interconnected?

I didn't see any unrelated deaths while inside the mansion but that was because it was being set off almost constantly. With no life threatening around me at the moment was it misfiring and showing me a possible way I could have died in the past?

"This is the worst..."

Scratching my head again I could only sigh. Watching and feeling myself die during everyday life was tough, but I wasn't going to throw myself at things that could kill me just to get it to stop misfiring.

Maybe San knew a way to stop it? Well, it had kept me alive until now so I couldn't say it was useless. But this was seriously disturbing.

...

...

...

The trip to get lunch took about twenty minutes. Coming back home and heating it in the microwave took about six. I bought a couple instant noodles as well for a rainy day and stashed them on the shelf before sitting down and clearing the table.

San was hidden under the bed and after welcoming me back with a disinterested voice, had chosen to remain silent as I packed away everything I bought. She probably wasn't happy at the lack of progress I had so far.

The ding of the microwave signaled me to collect the warmed up lunch box. Today was a breaded pork cutlet lunch box. Along with the breaded pork cutlet and rice that was its namesake, a small amount of kinpira (sautéed and simmered grated burdock root and carrot), some pickled radish, and a light salad was also contained. For the price of 430 yen, including tax, it was pretty good. However, that used up most of my daily allowance for food today. I'd have to be content with only one Cup N○○dle for dinner.

After clearing away the lunch box, I took out San from underneath the bed and placed her back on the table.

"So, are we going to start training again?"

"Might as well. It's not like you have anything else better to do, right?"

Her dismissive tone makes me frown. Reaching over I shift the wrapping so I can see the blade.

"You think this is a waste of time too?"

San's image appears in the silver blade. An irritated look seeps through her eyelids before she blinks it away and shakes her head.

"I don't think it is. I see that it's a waste of time. There's literally no change in your reserves in terms of output or direction. Simply put, there's absolutely no will power at all."

"Well what do you want me to do? I don't have any idea what you're talking about!"

My voice rises at the end. I have no idea what she means from her instructions. Why is she so pissed anyways?

"You don't understand at all. Spiritual energy is your will to live itself. It is the toll your soul pays to continue an unprovable existence. Even if you don't understand what I'm saying your soul should at the very least reflect your will to live in some form."

She glares at me, keeping me from retorting.

"It's almost as if you have no reason to keep on living. No goal or drive to improve or develop."

Looking away from me her voice is cynical.

"You're just fine with the way things are at the moment."

"! ! ! THERE'S NO WAY THAT'S TRUE!"

Slamming the table I'm on my knees, barely stopping myself from jumping to my feet.

There's no way that can be true.

There's no way I'm content with this situation.

How can I be?

I lost my friends.

I lost my sister.

I'm stuck in a world where I could be killed at any moment.

And worst of all Shinozaki is comatose with Sachi possessing her.

There's no way I'm fine with any of this.

San looks at me calmly, before smirking slightly.

"A little better, but ultimately useless I guess."

"Huh?"

"Your spiritual energy responded a little bit. I guess you found something in your anger towards me. But I don't think you were able to feel anything at all from how emotional you were."

"What are you talking about?"

"You still don't understand? Well I guess with the blood rushing to your head it might be a bit more difficult to understand."

"Wha-?"

"I egged you on, Kishinuma Yoshiki. Spiritual energy responds to one's emotions and intent. I don't know what intent you had, but it seems your anger found something worth motivating that uselessly large amount of energy you have."

"..."

Still feeling bitter I sit back down and try to calm myself.

"So you're saying you tried pissing me off on purpose."

She shakes her head, a calm expression on her face.

"Only partially, the other half was true. You really weren't feeling that motivated to actually develop anything."

"How do you know that?" My face is still stuck in a frown. "Did you do another reading or something on me?"

Another shake of her head, is her reply.

"My eyes can see spiritual energy. More specifically they reveal the working of hallucinations or illusions by dissecting the intent and motivation powering them."

Her eyes narrow as she glares at me.

"I couldn't see any intent inside your spiritual energy. Especially in your day to day life, that's what annoyed me."

Giving a sort sigh she stops glaring at me and closes her eyes.

"Even in menial things people have some degree of spiritual response. The feeling of not wanting to go to work or waking up early reduces your spiritual energy and the feeling of wanting to achieve something or working towards a goal can increase it. For you there was neither an increase nor decrease in your production levels, even taking into account that it might have been masked by the background signal from your reserves. Long story short, you don't care about a lot of what you do."

"What?"

"I can guess where that attitude of yours comes from, but you should try to get rid of that attitude. It'll just get you killed in this world."

"Mind your own business..."

I turn away and look out the window. It's a nice day outside but with the way I am I can't enjoy it.

"I wish I could but since I'm stuck with you I can't let that happen."

We both remain silent for a moment and only the ticking hands of the clock ring in the apartment.

"Go take a walk, Kishinuma Yoshiki. The way you are now won't allow you to figure out what you're doing even if we continued training. I'll think of a different way to get you to feel your energy. Just go out there and cool your head."

"Right, I'll do that."

Giving a snappish remark I get up and put on my shoes again. Slamming the door behind me I stomp down the stairs before walking down the street I'd left less only about an hour ago.

...

...

...

I end up just walking down the streets again, aimlessly.

"Goddammit."

Punching one of the stone walls around the houses in this area, I take a deep breath and try to calm myself again.

There was no way I was fine with any of this.

How in the world could I?

"Whaddya mean 'I don't care', goddammit!"

I continue walking through the suburbs of Fujisawa-city. San's words still continue to piss me off as they replay in my head. I knew all that stupid meditation bull crap was useless after all.

"Oof!"

"Oi, watch where you going!"

Looking up I see another guy standing in front of me. From his sloppily worn school jacket I guess he's a delinquent who decided to play hooky for today. I'd bumped into him without noticing. Two other goons are standing behind him. I don't recognize the uniform or the people wearing it. The guy who bumped into me gives me a dirty look. Glaring back I take a step forward.

"You watch it. You've got eyes too, right? If you don't want to bump into someone step out of the way. There's enough room on the sidewalk."

"Hmm? That's quite a mouth you go there. Why don't we have a little chat, huh?"

"Great, lead the way."

The guy's two henchmen smile behind him as he leads the way.

I follow him down one of the many side roads in the area. His two goons walk behind me surrounding me on all sides. Three vs one I guess. Dealing with bastards like this one was almost a daily routine during my first year of high school. They were just weak punks who walked around as if they owned everything, picking fights with people off the street. I had quit doing things like this a while ago, but now there was no reason to hold back.

We come out into an open lot. The guy pauses and looks around with his back turned towards me. His shoulders tense slightly.

Ah, I see what's going to happen next.

*PHWUP, SLAP

"Huh?"

Landing the first blow is pretty important in a backyard brawl. I guess he's taken a couple people by a surprise like this. Too bad I'm not one of them.

He had tried to surprise me with a back hand strike using his right fist. On top of that, by spinning he intended to increase the strength of the blow.

It would have worked on someone less observant.

My right hand caught the blow by the wrist before his swing reached its full momentum. A look of honest surprise came across his face. He probably thought he could clock me across the face and then kick the shit out of me later.

What a joke.

"GAH!"

My left fist slams into his jaw and he falls forward as I follow through. I let go of his arm letting him drop to the ground. Only a couple of seconds had passed since the four of us got here, now there only three left.

His two buddies blink in surprise at their fallen leader before scowling. The one on my left charges forwards, fists raised.

He swings at my face and I step back out of the way before lifting my own fists in front of me while bending me knees, sort of like a boxer. Another of his swings misses. I counter in return, striking in the center of his face. The weight of my fist coupled with the weight of his body moving forwards add up and blood gushes out of his nose. He falls over and clutches at his bleeding face as his friend steps in right after him.

A punch lands on my chest but I roll with it. My torso twists slightly so the knuckles only skid across my shirt. I see a slight smile on his face out of the corner of my eye. He actually thinks he got a blow in.

What an idiot.

I use a left jab to the cheek to disorient him. He staggers slightly, providing the moment I need to grab his head with both hands and bring it down, directly into my rising knee.

With a crack his limp form crashes to the ground.

I realize I'm panting.

"Shit."

Wiping my brow with the back of my arm, I curse.

I was hoping beating the crap out of these guys would cool me off but I'm still pissed.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Something tackles me from the side. Grunting I land on my stomach before realizing someone's got my right arm in a lock.

"Don't fucking move or I'll break your arm."

It was the guy I'd slugged first. I guess he was tougher than he looked. The right side of his face is swollen badly and his mouth is bleeding.

Gritting my teeth I push off the ground.

"! ! ! I said don't move!"

My right arm twists and I can feel something being stretched beyond its limit.

But it's not the worst pain I've felt.

Compared to being hammered to death.

Compared to being burned to death.

Compared to being submerged under a black sea with no light or sound. Not even the feeling of your skin.

This was nothing.

I get up and the full weight of his body strains the joint of my arm. The entire limb goes numb with pain but I continue getting up.

"Shit!"

Swearing he lets go and lands on the ground with a grunt before rolling away. My right arm is free again but it might as well be a plank of wood nailed onto my body.

The leader starts running towards his fallen henchmen and tries to get them to stand up, but with one crying like a baby and the other unconscious it's useless.

He has just enough time to look up at me before my foot slams into his face, stretching him out on the ground.

"Fuck..."

My right arm is completely numb. I can feel it throbbing underneath my sleeve. It's probably not broken but I won't be using it for now either. Luckily there's no need to for the moment. The only guy who's awake is the guy with the broken nose and he's too busy crying to do anything.

"Stop right there!"

An adult's voice rings from my right. Turning, I grimace at the sight of the blue uniforms of the police.

I run.

"Hey, I said stop!"

I've already have enough shit to deal with today. Getting stuck in a jail cell again and then either being forgotten or meeting Magari again was not what I wanted to do today.

Going through the alleys I make my way back to the main street. I can hear the officer running behind me.

"You persistent bastard." I mutter under my breath.

Seeing a stack of plastic beer crates in the way, I knock them over as I pass. As I keep on running, the sound of the officer swearing behind me brings a grim smile to my face.

"Ugh!"

Pain lances through my right arm as I near the exit.

Holding it with my left arm stops it from flapping around. The joint is starting to swell pretty badly. I guess I went a bit too far there.

Breaking out of the alleyway I pause to catch my breath.

"Shit."

My right arms hurting pretty bad, and I can hear the footsteps of the officer still behind me. There aren't enough people on the street to hide among them and I don't think I can outrun him with this arm.

"Kishinuma-kun."

"Huh?"

I look up, the voice is male.

"What are you doing?"

The blue eyes of Shinozaki's father look at me quizzically. A shopping bag is held in each hand. A blue cotton vest over a white collared shirt and beige trousers formed his smart casual attire. Black rimmed glasses were on his face and dark blue eyes gazed at me from behind them with idle curiosity.

"Stop!"

The officer's voice sounded from behind me and I couldn't stop myself from reacting to it. He frowned once before sighing and motioning with his head.

"Stand behind me."

"Wha?"

"I said stand behind me. Hurry up. Even I can't stop them if they see you."

"..."

I walk towards him and then behind him as he said. To be honest all I'm doing is standing next to him. It's not like he's big enough to hide me physically. He's only a little taller than I am to be honest.

"I said stop!"

The officer appears from the alleyway and pauses, panting for breath, as he looks around the street. His eyes lock onto the man standing directly in front before he marches forwards towards him.

"Excuse me. Have you seen a delinquent run by here just now?"

"A delinquent? What did he look like?"

"Well he... he..." A bemused expression crosses the officer's face. Scratching his cheek in confusion he struggles to bring up a description.

"He looked to be about a high schooler and..."

"Did he have brown hair?"

Shinozaki's father offers some help.

"Yes, brown hair. Did you see someone like that?"

"I did he went running that way."

Nodding to the left the man with the groceries misinforms the officer.

"Thank you very much."

The policeman starts jogging in that direction before slowing to a walk. Once he disappears around a corner, I hear a slight sigh from the man in front of me.

"Getting in trouble with the police again, Kishinuma-kun? I can't say much now that I've lied to an officer but it's not a good habit you know?"

"S-sorry... thanks."

He sighs again and turns around to me.

"What's wrong with your arm?"

"Huh?"

"You've been holding onto it this entire time. Does it hurt?"

"What's it to you?"

"Not much I guess. However, Asuka wouldn't like it if you got hurt."

"..."

"I have some cooling gel sheets. There's a park nearby where we can take a seat."

He begins walking down the road before turning back to me.

"Follow me."

I grudgingly follow him, step by step.

...

...

...

"That's a pretty nasty swelling you've got there."

I stick out my right arm as he opens the pack of cooling sheets. Peeling off the plastic on the sticky side, he wraps it around my elbow. The cooling feeling quickly begins to numb the pain that was building up.

"An ice pack would be better but that's the best we have for now.

"Thanks."

The two of us sit on the bench in the park with the shopping bags are seated next to him. An orange glow has begun to cross the area as the sun begins to set.

Only a couple of children are left, playing in the sandpit making castles or something. Their mothers look on from afar.

"So, what were you doing there Kishinuma-kun?

"Can't you figure it out?"

"I'm not asking for my sake."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"No, nothing. Nothing at all."

The voice of the children yelling across the park mixed with the quiet gossip of their caretakers fills the silence.

"Why did you help me?"

Shinozaki's father snorts and shakes his head.

"Staring a gift horse in the mouth?"

"No, just..." The change in attitude since I last met him is almost giving me whiplash. "My last meeting with you wasn't exactly friendly."

"I wasn't myself at the time. Asuka has probably told you what I have to deal with at home."

"..."

I guess she did say he was under a lot of stress. Oh right, she even mentioned his name as well. Ayato was it?

My fists tighten at the memory. Asuka had said that the first person Sachi had tried to use was Ayato. Having been almost 'used' by Sachi I can guess what that means. I was barely in my right mind when I thought I had done something to her. I can see why he might have acted differently.

"Anyways, I only helped you because it helped me in the end. Asuka seems to enjoy having you over." He smiles slightly as he pushes his glasses up his nose with his right index finger. "So, tell me what were you doing there Kishinuma-kun?

My right hand instinctively goes to scratch my head but the jolt of pain from it stops me. Sighing I use my left hand instead.

"Not much, I just got into a fight to get rid of some stress."

"Stress from what?"

"Someone I know told me I wasn't giving a crap about life. That I'm content with it as it is. That pissed me off."

"Getting into fights seems to prove the point, you know?

My brown knits into a frown as I turn to glare at him.

"Whaddya mean by that?"

"Most people would avoid fights, you know?" He doesn't return my gaze and merely continues watching the children play in the sandpit. "After all, it hurts. If you cared about your life as a whole, from a physical as well as social perspective, getting into a fight is bad in general."

I snort and turn away.

"That's just an excuse for people who run away from them."

"There's nothing wrong with running away. You'd avoid a car or train that's coming at you right? Why not a fight? The fact that it's potentially life threatening is the same after all."

"It's not the same."

"If you say so..."

A crow caws somewhere in the park, while a child screams about something and a small squabble ensues. The parents responsible for the fighting children rush over and break them up.

"Anyways what's wrong with being content with life? That was the second reason you were angry wasn't it?"

Ayato continues looking at the sand pit, even though he's talking to me.

Irritation sparks in my mind again.

"There's no way I'm happy with this! I can't be."

"You can visit the girl you like anytime you want, and you've got enough free time to get into random fights during a weekday. It doesn't look like you're starving either. What's there not to be content about?"

"That's..."

I can't answer back. Why am I not supposed to be content with how things are going?

Because of what I lost?

No, I'm sad about what I lost but there's nothing I can do about that. I knew that would happen the moment I started shoving the Nirvana down my throat.

I chose this situation with my own two hands, even though I knew what the consequence would be.

Complaining about that is like trying to have my cake and eat it.

Then why am I not content about the way things are?

Why did I choose the situation I am in now?

The answer is obvious.

I chose it for Shinozaki.

I chose to sacrifice myself for her and I managed to save her.

Then why am I not content with the way things are now?

She is safe. Anyone who wants to harm her either doesn't know about her or can't find her. There are people like Aiko who're fighting the people trying to harm her. She has a family which still loves and cares for her.

My fists clench.

Was I actually alright with the way things are?

Was I actually content with the way Shinozaki was right now?

My stomach twists, I feel sick.

"That can't be true... It can't be..."

"Well, being discontented with life is part of human nature I suppose."

I don't know whether he's trying to calm me down with his sophistry or talking about something else but it doesn't work.

"I can't be happy with this... with Shinozaki like that..."

"You say it like that, but I've had to live with this situation for seventeen years, Kishinuma-kun."

I look up at him. The nausea begins to fade slightly.

That's right. This man, even though he's her parent, only knows the Shinozaki that never moves. The thing I'm rejecting is the thing he had to live with ever since Shinozaki was born.

"Were you content with it? With the way things were?"

Were you content that your youngest daughter was paralyzed from birth?

That you couldn't see her smile or laugh or do anything you'd expect your child to do?

"Yes." He replies instantaneously. "I had a lovely wife, two daughters, and a stable income. Even if my youngest couldn't move she was still alive."

"Weren't you sad about it?"

"She was born like that. I felt sorry for her but that didn't decrease my love for her. It's natural for a parent to love their child after all."

I turn away from him.

"Didn't get that feeling from my parents at all."

"Sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn't. That's the way things are after all."

Another caw comes from the elusive crow in the park. The children laugh in the sand pit.

Should I be content with the way things are?

Shinozaki is safe for the moment.

Heavenly Host is completely gone.

Even if it's dangerous I have a job that keeps me in the loop about the world that might endanger her.

Sachi is a problem but there are countermeasures for her as well

Then why am I so dead set against feeling that I should be happy with any of this?

Something flashes in front of me.

A memory.

A memory of one of the last times I saw Shinozaki.

On the mesh of boards above us, separated by an unreachable gap, she stood in front of the fleshy Nirvana.

Even with her right eye gouged out, covered in small cuts, and having her back just sliced open she faced us.

And smiled.

That idiot smiled even though tears streamed down both sides of her face.

Nobody remember that scene anymore. Nobody remembers that smile.

I wasn't supposed to remember it either.

But I did remember.

I paid, with all the things I lost, to keep those memories of her.

Why did I do that?

Because I wanted to see her smile again.

Because I wanted to see her laugh again.

Because, after everything she's done, she deserved something better than this.

That's why I can't stand this situation. That's why I can't be complacent with the way I am.

What was it you said Shinozaki? 'Somebody has to do it' was it?

If I'm the only one who remembers you, then I'm the only one who can get you back.

"Looks like you've made a decision, Kishinuma-kun."

Ayato suddenly stands up and begins picking up the shopping bags.

"Huh?"

I can only give a surprised reply.

"I must be going now. I can't leave the groceries out for too long after all." He lifts the two bags up and smiles lightly in farewell. "I'll see you again sometime, Kishinuma-kun."

"Right, see you."

I watch him walk out of the park and down the road. Some of the mothers seem to take that as a cue and begin packing up their children. It's gotten rather late. The swelling of my arm has gone down as well. It still hurts a bit but I can move it at the very least.

I will get back the Shinozaki I remember.

...

...

...

"I'm back."

"Welcome home."

San offers a surprisingly polite greeting as the door shuts behind me.

Taking off my shoes I take a deep breath and bite the bullet.

Kneeling down on the floor in front of the table I face San's sword and see her image appear in the blade. She raises an eyebrow at my serious expression.

"Sorry."

I put my hands in front of me on the floor and put my forehead on top of them.

I've never done a dogeza before.

But I guess I was apologizing to a lot of people in this situation.

"Accepted."

She accepts my apology lightly.

...

Oi.

I'm actually regretting something here so at least sound serious!

"That's it?"

She raises an eyebrow again as I get out of the dogeza position.

"What, you wanted me to tell you how ashamed you should be or how bad you should feel? I don't have patience to do that. If you've figured out what's wrong and want to fix it that's fine with me."

"Yeah... but it feels unfair."

"Unfair?"

"Like I was the only one who was affected by this..."

"What are you, a kid?"

She fixes me with the biggest 'Are you an idiot?' look I've ever seen.

Touché, I can feel myself getting pissed even though I know she's right. I can see why Shinozaki always seemed unreasonably annoyed every time I said those same words to her.

Sighing she closes her eyes.

"Anyways that was the entire point of me egging you on. What point would there have been if I got emotional over this."

I scratch my head with my right hand. The arm's pretty much gone back to normal.

"You did sound pretty pissed though."

She nods in response.

"I was. But unlike you, I am an adult so I can handle these things better."

...

Right, no longer feeling sorry anymore.

"What sort of an adult possesses someone's body just to eat caramel pudding?"

She snorts.

"That was your just deserts for not respecting the dead. I can't be held responsible for that."

Turning away she sticks her nose in the air.

I can't even formulate a response. What part of acting like that is an adult?

"Fine, whatever."

I get into the position she had me sitting in earlier.

"Don't bother getting in that position."

She stops me as I start crossing my legs.

"Huh?"

"We aren't continuing that training anymore, it doesn't fit you anyways."

"What? Don't tell me you're giving up on me or something!"

I barely stop myself from jumping to my feet.

"Idiot." Closing her eyes she shakes her head. "There's no way I'd do that. I need you to survive from now on."

"Then what do you mean we aren't training anymore?"

"I said we aren't bothering with this form of training anymore."

Sitting back down against the bed I look at her image quizzically.

"Then what are we going to do?"

A devilish smile crosses her face.

"We're going to train you in the same way you gained your massive reserves in the first place."

Wait, what?

"Huh?"

My mind goes back to how she described how I gained the reserves I have now.

Wasn't that because I was in constant peril or something?

Wasn't the example she used about a treadmill with a spiked pit behind it?

I don't like the look she has right now.

"I'm going to drain you of your spiritual energy every day, starting from tomorrow."

"Wait, isn't that dangerous?!"

She nods in affirmation.

"It is and it's borderlines suicide for a normal person. But your reserves are nowhere near normal." Losing the smirk she puts on a serious face. "By draining you I'm going to force you to feel the effects of losing spiritual energy. It will also force you to use that ridiculous survival instinct of yours as well."

Scratching my head I try to get what she's saying...

And fail.

"Will that actually help?"

"At the very least we might be able to get you to form a reflex or resistance to being drained of spiritual energy." Nodding to herself she closes her eyes and continues explaining. "Once you start feeling what spiritual energy is like we can begin figuring out how to direct and manipulate it. After all the first step for you isn't controlling it, but feeling it."

She smirks evilly and I can feel chills running down my spine.

"I'm going to hurt your soul until it grows the ability to sense pain. Once you can feel it we should be able to get you to control it eventually."

"... You sure you're not an evil spirit?"

"We can start training your physical reflexes if you want."

"... That means you're going to start throwing things at me, right?"

"Yes."

"I give. You're not an evil spirit."

"Yes, I am in fact a benevolent guardian angel who has come down from the heavens to lead this poor unfortunate soul out of his stupidity and ignorance and give him a lesson in decency and delicacy."

"..."

"..."

"You waiting for me to repeat that?"

"Of course."

"Seriously?"

"Absolutely."

I give a mammoth sigh and slap my forehead.

"You are a benevolent-"

...

...

...

Today's Cup N○○dle tasted saltier than usual. Whether from the bitter tears of defeat, or San had actually sneaked some salt in it I didn't know.

---

2009/02/03 - Tuesday

Yoshiki's Room – Real World – Yoshiki

It hurts.

It hurts.

Every breath I take hurts.

It's almost as if I can feel every molecule that composes this gas.

Like grains of sand, they erode the lining of my throat and lung.

The rest of my body is cold and numb, as if all the blood vessels that are supposed to feed them dried up. The nerves that are supposed to move them have shut down, but the ones that can feel pain still seem to be fully active.

"Hey, kid. You hanging in there?"

San's voice enters my ear. She's on the table above me as always but I've got the feeling that someone is looking down at me, sitting on the table.

"What... do... you... think?"

Speaking is tough. I barely have enough oxygen to make the words.

The room is dark and I'm collapsed on the floor. The ticking of the clock and San's occasional interjection are my only companions.

"Good to see you're still awake."

Cold sweat pours down my face and back.

Grimacing I try to move my hand to wipe my brow and fail.

As always she sounds calm and collected.

"Why... does it... hurt?"

We had started San's new training regime after I had finished breakfast.

All I was told to do was sit in a comfortable position in front of San. Her sword took up the same place she did yesterday.

I started feeling a bit tired after about an hour. Breathing started becoming tough after another one.

I was in this state five hours after we had started. Everything felt difficult and unnatural. I had to actually think about how to breathe.

"This isn't a gentle digestion like Heavenly Host. I'm tearing out your spiritual energy as roughly as possible."

"What... do... you... mean?"

"You should have noticed by now but this feels nothing like that school, right?"

Heavenly Host felt nothing like this. The atmosphere there was creepy, heavy, and depressing. But I could still breathe and move there. Here I literally feel like I'm fighting for every breath.

"Yeah... it's... worse."

"That place drew out your spiritual energy bit by bit. It melted it down from the outside to the inside, slowly and steadily. The desire to escape, the feeling of hope, the thought of your friends. These were the things it sucked out of your soul bit by bit. After all, that thing is a messy eater by nature. It likes to play with its food."

If it's about playing with your food, I don't think you can talk.

I've never actually seen someone watch pudding jiggle on their spoon for so long before eating it.

Having been forced to watch everything, since she was using my body, was embarrassing as hell.

San continues her explanation through my random thoughts.

"But that sort of thing doesn't interest me and this is for your benefit not mine. In order for you to feel it better, I'm tearing out the very concept of 'life' out of you right now."

I manage to glare upwards towards the table as I continue breathing.

"It's dangerous of course, but this sort of training is more pavlovian association than actual training at this point."

"Just... great."

My mouth feels dry and a throbbing pain begins to develop in my head.

"You feel anything yet?"

"Don't... know."

I feel pain, but it's all physical. The parts of my body that hurt, the parts that seem to be malfunctioning I can tell you that. But whether I can feel what San's been talking about this entire time I don't know.

"It looks like you're having trouble breathing."

I try to sneer at her stating the obvious but I don't even have the energy to do that. Giving up I just tell her what I feel.

"Have to... think... for each... breath."

"Being alive is no longer a passive state for you anymore. You'll have to fight to stay conscious for now."

"Thanks... for... telling... me."

"My pleasure." The presence sitting on the table leans back. "I'll stop before your bowels stop functioning."

"Fuck... you."

"I'll pass on that. You should be fine if you can still manage to back chat. Although..." She pauses to think. "I'll be honest. I didn't expect your production rates to be this bad to be honest."

"Wha...at?"

"You really are hopeless aren't you? It can't be helped I suppose. I thought you found your motivation yesterday, but it seems you've forgotten it already."

Motivation? What was my motivation?

Oh yeah... that's right. Guess I really am an idiot.

I told myself I was going to get back Shinozaki's smile.

This was merely an obstacle in getting it back.

"Kuh! Hnng!"

I grunt as I try to force my body to move. Slowly my fingers twitch. The entire arm feels like it's been strained beyond its limits. As if I'd lifted weights for an entire day and just woke up.

"Better." Complimenting me as I force my body to move, she continues. "You've begun to struggle against me. But all you're doing is trying to replace what's been lost. It might work for something like Heavenly Host but it's useless for our purposes. Merely staying alive is not enough."

Breathing hasn't gotten any easier. I still have to think about which muscles to move to pull air into my lungs.

But gradually my body is responding to my brain.

The numbness going through it hasn't gone away but I can feel the muscles responding from the pins and needles that course through them with every movement.

I try to push myself off the floor into a sitting position.

"Guh!"

Pain savages my muscles as they quake like a new born fawn's.

But I can't stay collapsed on the floor.

I need to get up.

If this is the sort of thing I'll have to experience to bring back Shinozaki then I need to be able to move at the very least.

San chuckles lightly.

"Much better than yesterday. Both your face and your spiritual energy look much better than before."

"Heh... thought you weren't... going to give... anymore... compliments?"

"Good work deserves a good remark, positive reinforcement. I guess this really is like Pavlov's dogs now."

"Ha... ha."

I answer with a forced laugh.

Gradually I'm getting used to it. After constantly thinking about how to breathe I'm getting used to the feeling. They say habit comes from repeating an action. I guess, me thinking about how to breathe constantly is forming the natural response to all over again.

I lift up my right hand. It's shaking badly as if I was freezing. Gritting my teeth I try to force it to stop, but the muscles keep spasming. Clenching my fingers into a fist I glare at them. The shaking doesn't stop and I drop the limb, exhausted. I focus on the muscles on the outside of my ribcage as well as my diaphragm to suck in more of the painful gas to keep myself alive.

"Suffer, Kishinuma Yoshiki."

San commands my limp form from her position on the table.

"Suffer and find the will to go beyond it and the method to overcome it. That will be the first step to developing a new power for you to use."

...

...

...

San continued draining me for another hour. After that initial revelation there wasn't much progress.

I couldn't stop my limbs from shaking even though I could move them. Sitting up was the best I could manage. The one time I tried to stand almost smashed me into the table, head first.

Baby steps I guess.

The fact that I was able to actually feel something was big. It seemed like thinking about Shinozaki helped me focus. It felt corny as hell but it seemed to work. I guess the other times when I really pushed myself I thought of her as well.

When I was trying to get out of the delinquent life style I'd gotten stuck in during first year.

When we were dragged into Heavenly Host.

When I followed her back into that twisted school building again.

When I ran back through the collapsing world to find her.

Maybe I should have realized that a lot sooner.

Still, it was embarrassing as hell.

"Having pleasant thoughts there?"

"Shut up."

Pushing the top of the electric thermos I poured water into the open top of the instant noodle cup.

"Your face got a little red there, and it wasn't from the heat."

"What are you, my mother or something?"

Walking back towards the table I set it on the table before placing a tissue box on top of it to hold down the lid.

"I'm probably too old for that to be honest."

"Huh?"

I exclaim my surprise as I move her under the bed again.

"What, surprised?"

Scratching my head I keep an eye on the clock to time the five minutes the lid told me to wait.

"Well, yeah. I thought you'd say you're too young."

"I'm a lot older than I look."

"Hmm, so how old are you actually?"

"Fifty eight."

Wha?!

"Fifty-?"

"What, surprised?"

"You don't even look like you're past forty to be honest."

Well I've only ever seen her as a spirit or as an image on the sword. But she looked exactly the same when I saw the vision of her death. Magari didn't look any older than she did now so it shouldn't be that long ago.

"How nice, I never thought I'd get a compliment from you."

"What? Did you want one?" Smirking a bit, I lean against the bed.

"Not really, but it's not a bad feeling."

"So do you have some sort of magic or something to make yourself look younger or something?" Guess women are women after all. Really, using something weird like that as makeup is just laughable.

"And then you stick your foot in your mouth again. Truly hopeless."

Her sigh of pity wipes the cheeky grin I had on my face.

"What am I supposed to think then? That you stopped aging or something?"

"Well that is partially true."

"Huh really?"

Taking a look at the clock while voicing my surprise, I take the tissue box off the Cup Noodle and lift up the lid. White vapor wafts into the air and the smell of noodles follows it.

"While I was alive my body's ageing was slowed after a certain point. I was also physically exerting myself so my peak physical condition helped with keeping me youthful."

"So why did your body stop ageing after a while? Is it some sort of illness?"

Picking up a pair of chopsticks I lift up the noodles before blowing on them briefly to cool them.

I've heard about people who grow old faster than normal. I think I've also seen a documentary once about a baby who never grew old or something.

Was it something like that?

"The reason I became like this wasn't physical or genetic. So in a way when you asked me whether I used something special to become like this my answer would be yes, I guess. Only it wasn't my choice though."

"Huh?"

I stop cooling my noodles and almost drop them back into the soup.

"Let's just say I angered someone a long time ago and in return they gave me this constitution."

"That doesn't make sense. Why did they want to make you live longer if you pissed them off?"

"She wanted to 'educate' me in respect. Also, even if I angered her, that woman is soft on blood relatives."

"Wait, it was a family member that did that to you?"

"Pretty much."

Putting down the chopsticks and cup of instant noodles I feel myself losing my appetite.

"What's the Shinozaki family like, San?"

I've never asked Shinozaki about her family. The only things I know are what we saw in Heavenly Host and the tidbits she managed to tell me while running through that school.

"Why? You thinking of joining?"

"It's not that. Just thought I might as well ask. I don't know much about them but they seemed to be tied up in everything."

Sachiko was the one controlling Heavenly Host.

Yoshie was the one who released the Nirvana in the first place.

On top of that their family was entrusted with the Book of Shadows.

With San, it seemed that everywhere I turned, the name Shinozaki just kept cropping up.

"Well, we're an old family. Pretty much all our members have had some form of spiritual ability in one form or another as far as I know."

"Even Shinozaki?"

I unconsciously turn towards the bed even though there's no one there.

"It's confusing when you refer to that girl by her family name all the time, you know?"

Scratching my head I turn back.

"I can't help it. It's a habit, alright?

"You're just too embarrassed to call her by her first name. Even though you've dyed your hair like that, you're actually quite a coward in that area.

"Sh-shut up!" My face begins heating up. "Anyways answer my question."

"I don't know. Maybe she does maybe she doesn't."

"I thought you could detect that sort of stuff."

"I can detect intent and motivation inside spiritual energy and constructs made out of it. The only way for me to know if she had any spiritual ability is if she used it in front of me."

"Great help you are."

I feel someone flick my nose.

"Ow!"

"Anyways, besides the fact that all our members have had spiritual ability we're also almost entirely female. Only daughters have ever been born to out lineage."

"Hold on, then how's the name been passed on till now?" Rubbing my nose I ask my question.

"Men have always married into our family for a long time. In the past, we were pretty powerful in terms of finances and influence."

"Hmm."

Well I guess it makes sense. I know younger male siblings in Japan often married into families with higher political power to tie two houses together. I guess the Shinozaki family was something like that.

Hm? Hold on, something isn't right here.

"You said the Shinozaki bloodline only ever had daughters, but isn't Shinozaki's father a Shinozaki from birth?"

"Ayato is a special case. It's probably more accurate to say we were made instead of born."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's a long story and I'm not in the mood to talk about it. Anyways it shouldn't affect you for a while."

"..."

"What you have something to say about that?"

"... Nope, nothing at all."

"Good."

It seems the conversations ended for now. I'm not that hungry at the moment but there's no point letting the noodles go completely soft in the soup. Picking up the cup and chopsticks I start slurping them up.

...

...

...

San's training continued after lunch as well.

It became tougher to breathe a lot faster than before. Barely ten minutes and I was already panting like I had run a marathon.

The breathing was still natural though. It hadn't gotten to the point I had to actively think about each motion yet.

But it would get there eventually.

This training is meant to get me to feel my spiritual energy by tearing it away. It sounds paradoxical almost in that way.

How can you feel something you don't have anymore?

Well, they do say that you only realize how important something is once it's gone. Maybe it was something like that.

Shaking my head to get rid of the idle thoughts I stare at San's sword.

If I let her drain me like this I'll eventually end up in a heap on the ground. Last time I figured out a way to resist her somewhat. That time I only started using it when I was already drained dry, but what if I started resisting her before it got to that point?

Closing my eyes, I focus on the image of Shinozaki in my mind.

I need to fight this for her.

I need to resist this for her.

"Interesting..."

San breaks my concentration. Giving an annoyed look I ask her with a raised eyebrow what she meant by that.

"You seem to be getting the hang of it. But that's a pretty painful way of managing it."

"What do you mean?"

"Your intent is to protect, right? In other words the feelings running through you spiritual energy are for someone else, not yourself."

"So?"

She has a point. I'm thinking about Shinozaki, not myself. Back then and now I'm moving because Shinozaki might need me to in a situation like this.

"With a motivation like that your energy won't automatically protect you. I guess that explains why you could only borderline move your body, even though you had remembered your reason for doing any of this."

"Then, what do I have to do?"

If merely wanting to protect her isn't what I need, then what do I need to get stronger?

"That's something you're going to have to find out. Now, fight for your life. Kishinuma Yoshiki."

I grit my teeth and focus on my memories of her.

...

...

...

"Hey, San."

Lying on the ground I called out to the spirit in the sword.

"What is it?"

She had stopped draining me after another couple of hours and I was recovering from it. I ended up wracked with pain, fighting to breathe all over again. Looks like whatever I was doing helped a little bit but didn't last long enough.

"Why does this training hurt a hell of a lot more than Heavenly Host?"

"I thought I explained it? I'm dragging out the concept of life from you. It's natural that you feel worse than in Heavenly Host."

"That's not it. Heavenly Host and the Nirvana never felt like this, even when we were on the verge of beating it." Even when we were before Sachiko or at the core of the Nirvana the oppressive atmosphere never got this bad. You'd think with the enemies knocking at the gates they'd pull out all the stops. "There's no way you're as powerful as that place." San's just a spirit. There's no way she's as powerful as Sachiko or even whatever Shinozaki sealed inside the Book of Shadows. "Why can you suck something out that even those places couldn't?"

"Good observation." Her voice sounds slightly surprised. "There's a number of reasons why what I'm doing to you feels different to what you've already experienced. For example; the fact that both those places were both playing with you, the fact that I've spent hours and hours digging into one concept in your soul, and the fact that your soul already has the handholds required to tear it apart."

"What?"

"Don't worry about it for now. You won't find many people who can exploit these."

"Great..."

My world keeps on getting weirder and weirder. Ghosts, spirits, secret cults, actual monsters... Now I learn that I have literal gun to my head somewhere inside me that I don't even know when or where it was placed.

Sighing I scratch my head before picking myself up and heading towards the shower.

Not much I can do anymore. Even if I begged San to tell me what she meant by that I'd either just end up more confused than when I started or she'd distract me somehow and make me forget about what I was asking.

If I'm going to waste my time doing that I might as well do something else.

"Make sure to wash behind your ears."

Her smug voice calls from behind me.

"I thought you said you weren't my mother?"

"I'm not but I'd rather not have a smelly roommate after all."

"Whatever."

Entering the changing room before the shower, I slam the door behind me and take off my shirt.

...

...

...

It's night.

The lights are off, both natural and artificial.

The tick of the clock and the occasional car or truck running outside is all the sound I can listen to while lying in bed.

"Hey, San."

"What is it?"

Her voice replies quietly from under my bed. It feels a bit like being in the top bunk of a bunk bed for one moment.

"Tell me more about the Shinozakis."

"Like what?"

"You said you guys all had some sort of ability, right?"

"I did."

"Why did you need it?"

Every time I tried to fight against San draining me, I thought about Shinozaki.

The reason I could fight against it was because I had something to fight for.

But that thing was pretty strong. And even with that the best I could manage was to sit up a little and talk.

From what I'm gathering from San and what I experienced, spiritual ability isn't just about emotions or feeling.

It's about wanting something.

I could start moving because I wanted to do so for Shinozaki. I used my memories of her to will my body to move.

If merely building up spiritual ability was like this, what was required to actually use it?

"You're learning faster than you think, Kishinuma Yoshiki." Her voice is quiet, pensive almost.

"'There are lot of reasons' is my answer as always. Some inherited, some acquired. But I guess the main reason we continued to practice our craft was for the benefit of others I guess."

"Did your family want to protect something as well?"

"We were tasked with protecting the Book of Shadows, remember? Of course we wanted to protect something. But before that I guess it's in our nature to I guess. To want to protect something that is."

"I see. Guess Shinozaki's habits are hereditary then."

From volunteering to be a class-rep, to staying behind to tend the Oshiruko stand while the rest of us went off to visit another class's haunted tour. Shinozaki was always trying to look out for other people.

In Heavenly Host she wasn't satisfied with only escaping. Going back to that place to save the rest of our friends and even to try and save the rest of the spirits there. Just how much of a softy do you have to be to want to do that?

Now that I think about it her actions seemed to be pretty selfless most of the time. She was always trying to help someone out. A kind of busy body, almost. But I can't really complain about it since that's how we met

I always thought it was just her personality to do that. To feel responsible for everything, I mean she did volunteer to be the class-rep. That's the person who's supposed to be responsible for the rest of the class, to represent them. But from San's story it looks like it wasn't just her that was like that.

"Hey, if all of you wanted to protect something... Why did Sachiko kill all those people?"

I don't know if it was because she was just a kid at the time or because she turned into an evil spirit. But her actions didn't represent anything of what San was telling me.

"The answer's in your memories. Do you remember Yoshie's diary?"

"Yoshie's diary?"

"Yes, the one that your friends told you about?"

"Oh, that thing?"

Satoshi, Naomi, and Yuka had found the diary of Shinozaki Yoshie from somewhere. He mentioned it to us when we were trading information over the gap that separated the two halves of the school.

Yoshie had written that Sachiko had begun killing for her, to soothe her loneliness.

"To Sachiko, her mother was the most important thing to her. For a seven year old girl with only one parent it's not surprising."

"That's why she killed all those people?" I can feel my fists clenching underneath the blankets.

"Don't hate her for it. You've already killed for what you want to protect already. From that perspective you and Sachiko are both equally guilty."

"..."

I can feel my hackles rising but I can't say anything.

She's right. I don't have the right to blame her. It would be hypocritical to do so after what I've done.

"At the very least though, the person you killed didn't seem to hold a grudge against you. So you're better on that point."

"San..."

"That girl started killing for her own enjoyment. Life and death became the same thing to her. After all she could bring you back anytime and anywhere she wanted." A mirthful snort comes from beneath me. "To think you'd get trapped in somebody's doll house twice."

"Huh, what are you talking about?"

"Forget it, just some idle rambling from me."

"What's this, your age catching up to you already?"

"You want to experience sleep paralysis, brat?"

"Sorry."

I guess this was just San's weird way of cheering me up. She didn't try to soothe anything, just stated the facts as they were. If she didn't want to talk about something she didn't talk about it. If something seemed too hard to explain she just gave up and tried a different approach. Her childishness was a bit unexpected but nobody's perfect. Heh, maybe that was a trait of the Shinozaki bloodline as well.

"What's with that creepy smile?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Hmmm."

A truck passes by outside. The light from the headlights flashes by turning the curtains white before dimming as it rumbled past.

"Hey, San."

"What is it this time?"

"Tell me more about the Shinozakis."

"What do you want me to do? Tell you a bed time story about them?"

"Wha-? No, it's not that. Just..."

I can't really think much. My brain must be getting ready to fall asleep but not fully ready to. It's just wondering about a lot of things and the Shinozakis just happen to be the one I want to ask about.

"Even if you ask me about them, there's too much to cover in a single night. Give me a proper question with a more concise topic."

"A concise topic... Hmm."

I scratch my head. What do I want to know about the Shinozakis the most?

Their history? I'd definitely fall asleep to that.

Their abilities? That might be worse. The explanation might keep me awake all night or give me a headache.

"Your names I guess..."

"Our names?"

"Yeah, some of you have got normal names. Like Sachiko or Shinozaki. But something like Makina or San is a little weird. I mean the name Makina barely fits the characters it's using."

Makina was written with the characters 'protection' and 'moon'. Even if the 'Ma' sound came from 'protection' the rest of it seems to have been added on to just make it sound like a name.

On top of that San's name was a little confusing. Depending on the intonation you'd mistake someone calling her by her family name with calling her full name. Context would help with that one I guess.

"I'm surprised. I might have underestimated your IQ until now."

"What?"

"It's true some of our names are a bit odd, after all we don't receive them just to sound nice."

"Huh?"

Wait, so there's a reason for them having their names?

"Families with spiritual abilities often try to increase their power over the generations. The Shinozaki family is no exception."

I've read about that somewhere in some manga ages ago. I didn't continue reading it but that sort of idea is everywhere in that sort of genre. Something about inbreeding or mixing their blood with monsters... but the Shinozaki family only produced female children until Ayato. They couldn't marry within the family even if they wanted to. The other option sounds a bit too far out though. I've seen ghosts and that thing Gore, but actual monsters like those in anime or manga is pushing my limits.

"So how do names fit in with any of this?"

"Our family's founder took the concept from a foreign land apparently. I don't know where or even what time it was taken from. But she believed that, instead of the raw power that many families tried to breed into their lines, the most important thing to develop was a direction."

"A direction?"

"Yes. Like setting up a stake for the vines of the Morning Glory to grow around, the founder believed that giving her heirs a path to grow upon would accelerate their development."

Morning Glories are flowers that schools often make elementary school kids grow as part of their summer homework, often with an added observation diary as well.

They wanted to teach us something about the joy of raising something else while getting us to practice grammar at the same time.

Since they were vines they needed to wrap around something to grow upwards towards the sun. They only bloomed for a couple hours in the early morning before fading.

I forgot to water mine for three days so I ended up copying someone else's diary. That time I hadn't mastered the art of faking my homework yet so I got found out and yelled at soon after.

"The first step she took was to give her children names that would define them in a certain way. Although it isn't from the founder, my name is a perfect example. By giving me the meaning of revelation, my growth was focused around the revealing of spiritual existences and effects. Hence, spiritual illusion and hallucination cannot deceive me. Although Magari has proven that I can still be tricked by mundane means."

"I thought it a bit weird when you mentioned you could see intent in spiritual energy."

If she can see something like that then isn't that the equivalent of reading the mind of her opponent?

"Couldn't you see her intent to deceive you when she used her spells?"

"That's the problem. When you use an illusion or induce a hallucination your intent is to deceive in the first place. I guess that must have masked her plan. It's not as all powerful as it sounds, this ability of mine."

Magari... she really can't be underestimated I guess.

Shaking my head I return to the original topic.

"So all it does is give you a direction?"

I don't like the sound of that. It's like a controlling parent forcing a path onto their child. Just in this case it was dumped on them even before they were born.

"No, there are more side effects."

"Side effects?"

"Humans are not meant to be defined like that from such an early stage. Didn't a wise person somewhere say that a person's potential is infinite? Giving a definition to something that hasn't even come into existence is the equivalent of cutting down that tree of infinite possibilities into a single branch. The definition given to us restricts our fate, so it affects our spiritual and mental development to some degree."

"What?"

"That's why I said my name is a perfect example. The character for San is for revealing. Hence my personality has always been more upfront and blunter than most people. I cannot lie very well. That's why I simply don't talk about something when I don't want to, even if it might hurt someone more to be rejected than to be deceived."

"Then... the rest of you..."

"The Shinozaki family is probably full of slightly distorted personalities. Even someone with a normal sounding name like Sachiko might have been feeling some of them even after she died."

"..."

"But the scope of human personalities is vast. On a daily basis you wouldn't even be able to tell the difference between how one of us acts and a normal person does. You could just say that, 'They're just that sort of person.' and leave it at that."

"Is that practice still continued even now?"

"Ayato and I were the last ones who had our names actively used to define us."

Another truck rumbles past on the night road. San is silent during its passing.

"From my last meeting with him, I don't think he would have wanted to continue that practice."

Shinozaki Ayumi

What characters did she write her name with again? I can't remember very well. I always called her by her family name and it wasn't like I read her first one on a daily basis.

"The only reason he would have given her a name would have been with the wishes of a parent. So she would grow healthily and happily. At least that's what I would have done."

"Did you want to start a family as well?"

"Yes, but that possibility is long gone for me now."

"Sorry... Guess I asked something personal."

"Don't worry about it. I already told you, if I don't want to talk about it I won't talk about it. That's the way I am after all."

"Right."

The clocks ticking fills the silent room. My sight goes blurry as I gradually fall asleep.

"San?"

"What?"

"Good night."

"... Good night."

...

...

...

Kishinuma Yoshiki's breathing gradually deepens and slows as his conscious fades. The silent room only has the ticking clock to tell that the night is passing and the occasional passing vehicle to prove the world beyond the window is still there.

Slowly a lock of hair moves across his forehead as if a gentle hand is stroking his head.

"I guess you deserve to know more about us than most to be honest."

The spirit who cannot sleep quietly says to herself.

"After all, your fate is already bound to that girl's by two people. You're pretty much one of the family at this point."

San sighs. She won't pity this boy. What happened to him already occurred long before she even met him. Back in the time he could casually laugh off a ghost story or snort at superstition.

Thinking back to his motivation she sighs at it.

"Kishinuma Yoshiki, wanting to protect something isn't always a good thing. You'll do good to remember that, after all." A lock of hair moves gently across his brow as she tousles his hair again. "Spiritual abilities only work with selfish wishes."

---

A warehouse somewhere in Fujisawa-city – Real World – Magari

A dimly lit steel table is on the ground. It is almost three meters long and two meters wide.

Trays carrying various tools from power drills to surgical scalpels surround it on all sides. Each appliance is neatly ordered and ready to use.

A woman dressed in a maid outfit pushes another tray towards the table. Her outfit is a proper one with a black dress that reaches her ankles and a large apron in front.

The tray contains a variety of parts. Gears, cogs, springs, screws, and bolts are in small containers that separate them based on size, length or diameter.

Beside them ordered piles of varying alloys of metal, wood, and plastic are arranged neatly.

Underneath the tray a number of containers that look like ice boxes are placed beside each other. On them a white label is placed.

The box on the far left has the characters for 'heart' written on it as well as the original owner's name, age, occupation, and address in much smaller letters. The characters on the other boxes say 'left forearm', 'right forearm', 'cochlea', 'shoulder blades', 'pelvis'.

Another maid appear from behind the first carrying a much longer ice box. Its label says 'spine'.

Placing the body parts near the table they bow to a figure in the darkness before retreating to some other corner of the dark warehouse this was located in.

The click of heels begins to ring across the room before a black high heeled foot enters the light. Under the shoe pink and black striped knee sock has black ribbons crisscrossing across it. The white frills of the top are pulled upwards at the front by the one final black ribbon that runs straight up her bare white thigh before disappearing under the folds of the white, pink, and blue flaps that are attached to either side of the black V shaped bottom of the outfit. A blue ribbon is tied in a bow at the base of the black ribbon that attaches the clothing on her legs to the clothing around her waist like a garter belt.

Another step and the long blond twin tails of Mizuki Magari appear into the light.

She doesn't have her scythe with her but inside the workshop that Wald has prepared for her it was unnecessary.

"Rebuilding them from the scratch..."

Sighing irritably she puts a single gear on the corner of the table. The name Anna is engraved on it which flashes in the light from above.

"Even if I use human body parts as a basis it's still going to take more than a week to rebuild them." Sighing again she frowns.

"What a drag. I'm going to kick the shit out of that chronic depressive next time I see it."

Cursing to herself she picks up a piece of wood and places into onto the table.

Her fingers hover over a tray before her before picking out a Japanese saw. She begins cutting the material along memorized lines before placing the tool back on tray and picking up a small hand vacuum to suck up the sawdust.

She continues modifying the wood. It is soon joined by other planks and they are gradually crafted into a wooden box with a lid. She begins engraving patterns of flowers and birds with an annoyed expression before becoming into the darkness towards someone. One of her servants appears from it and she hands the finished box to her.

"Get this treated appropriately. Make sure you use rotten stone for the final polish before the wax. We need to use as many materials from the original as possible.

"Understood, Magari-sama."

Bowing once the servant retreats with the box.

"Now, to make the insides... But first."

She reaches down to the ice boxes. Picking up one labelled heart she opens it up and inspects the preserved organ inside.

Closing it she beckons another hidden servant to appear.

"Get this in a tissue bath." She hands the box to the servant. "Once it starts pumping again we'll flow the required metals through it to replace the muscle."

"Understood, Magari-sama."

Another bow and the servant disappears.

Opening another box she inspects the bleached skin of a forearm. Frowning she shuts the box and drops it on the ground.

"Get another one. The organization of the muscles is all wrong. Find a pianist this time."

"Understood, Magari-sama."

The clack of leather soles across cement.

Inspecting another box Magari sighs as she finds another body part not to her liking. Dropping the box to the floor she kicks it away.

"Listen, all of you."Her annoyed tone echoes into the darkness. "I'm restoring their full potential. The ones you knew were mere shadows of themselves."

It was true. The five dolls in that house had existed for a long time. Their weapons had long since fallen apart. Their bodies only suitable for daily life.

"If I want to become the head of the Grave of Maltuva then I need them to be in top condition."

Her announcement is acknowledged silently by her remaining followers.

"I'm cutting a lot of corners here. The time I'm saving I need to pay with the materials."

The girl picks up a rectangle of metal and lifts it up to the light. Her other hand picks up a power drill and she begins opening holes at regular distances from each other in the component.

"So, go bring me some better parts."

"Understood, Magari-sama."

---

A/N: Well Happy New years to you all. Sorry if the last half of this chapter might have some errors. I was kinda rushing to release it for this New Years.

Yoshiki has started training and we've entered into the preparatory period for the climax to the ark "A Dead Factory".

The format of the story is going to be pretty much the events of Yoshiki's life day by day as he trains with San (Hence the dates). The next couple of days are going to be mainly San and Yoshiki to be honest. Aiko will pop in for a bit and then ? ? ? will show up at his doorstep with a bunch of problems.

The next week is probably when we'll get back into the more violent scenes. ( on the level of the fight between Yoshiki and Magari as well as Doll's Mansion)

I'm using this lull in the action to explore some of the ideas and concepts I have for Corpse Party: Blood Drive Aftermath.

Things about the Shinozaki Family.

Things about Spiritual Ability.

Things about Heavenly Host.

Things about the Nirvana.

A lot of it might be my own theories but I do work from the original quite a lot. For example in Book of Shadows there's a flash back scene where Hinoe and Ayumi are talking about magic and supernatural abilities in general. There the quote, "Magic is like a prayer." is where a lot of my inspiration about spiritual abilities is coming from. Besides that it's just all the tiny details and how the characters act in all the games and manga that made me come up with the theories for this fic.

The stuff about the names is something I noticed when looking through all the Corpse Party games and when I actually did some research into what each character's name meant in Japanese. The name Makina really is quite weird. Even for an old name. And then there are the other names in the Shinozaki family tree. Seira, Zaion, Jin, Yuri.

Also for Ayumi's name no official characters exist. Ayumi is in hiragana everywhere I look. BUT I picked some characters that fit her quite well. (Hehehe, I'm not telling nobody for the reverse-moment, though.) (triple negative!)

If anyone is wondering what music I was listening to (although most of you probably didn't) while writing some of this. Try Higurashi No Naku Koro ni OST - Hyoui or - Main Theme when reading the last scene with Magari.

I felt it to be quite fitting.

I can't wait for this week to be over in the plot to be honest.

Aiko is just a badass in the next week as well as Yoshiki. Magari is pretty cool too. Also I can finally write about the events that happened in Ch.1 of this fic from Yoshiki's PoV. We'll see another character from the Corpse Party-verse there. (Satoshi Version 2.0 if you watch The Anime Man)

The Anime Man is the only one who's done a "Corpse Party -THE ANTHOLOGY- Sachiko's Game of Love Hysteric Birthday 2U" let's play in English to my knowledge. He translated all the text and added it as subtitles for his videos, but take his translation with a pinch of salt because he's only human and he had to rush the translation to keep up with his upload schedule.

He's also doing a Blood Drive let's play and he's adding English subtitles as well for it. He still hasn't fixed the audio problems yet so the sound quality is bad.

Anyways that's enough for me at the moment( Lies. This A/N goes on for another couple paragraphs. What is he talking about?).

As always review, favorite, and follow if you want (I've had some people favorite me and the fic but not follow for some reason.) It helps. Also I'm almost the longest Corpse Party Fanfiction on this site. Yay. Maybe two or three more chapters and I will be the longest.

It's not going to end with that though. Not with this arc or even the next arc so, for those who enjoy it, stay tuned for more:

San & Yoshiki banter.

Aiko bullying Yoshiki.

Magari being evil and awesome and manipulative.

Yuka being cute, and relevant. (At least I hope I've written her to be cute.)

Satoshi being... well... Satoshi. (Really what can you say about this guy, besides him being an MC?)

Naomi being more assertive.

Satsuki's problems and desires.

Lxbdh being optimistic as always.

Vtklxt being sort of cool? I guess. He's already shown up in my forums to be honest so go check out that draft of his scene I have there.

Azusa ? ? ? Yoshiki.

The Shinozaki Family history.

Sachi.

And the DPAJO.

Oh and moments with Ayumi as well. (God the scene on Day X+2 is pretty much all Yoshiki and Ayumi so for those who want to see their OTP come true. Don't lose hope! Yoshiki hasn't.)

Oh yeah, I've begun to rewrite some of my earlier chapters. Ch. 2-4 have been pretty much been completely redone so check those out if you want to see how they've been improved. Review those chapters if you like them and I'll gradually go through and fix the rest of them.

On some of the real world things in this fic:

There are actually people who suffer from accelerated aging. It is called progeria. It's a really painful genetic disorder. Something to do with how the DNA in your cell interacts with the nuclear membrane. (Yeah genetic disorders aren't just your DNA sequence. It can also be how your DNA is physically organized in your cell or how it interacts with the components of the cell.)

There are also, to my knowledge, two cases of babies who do not age at all. Their younger siblings are already adults but they themselves have barely grown at all. People are still doing research on what the cause is but not many leads so far. With only two people being studied there's not much information to really figure out what's going on.

A tissue bath is a real piece of scientific equipment. I've used one myself. You can keep a piece of an organ like a muscle fiber alive in a liquid and stimulate it to twitch with chemicals, salts, or electricity.

Pretty useful for figuring out what makes muscles move and the various chemicals used by your body to make it move. In theory you could keep a brain alive in one of those since it can keep neurons alive. However, as all the chemical signals inside the brain would constantly be washed away by the liquid in the bath you probably wouldn't be aware at all of what was going on even if someone did that. (Sorry for the grim humor. I tend to gross people out when I joke about this.)