Chapter 37: Flusher Tales

C.t.H.M.

A/N: this chapter is about Caroline's trip through heaven and hell, there will be head explodey…count on it!

Caroline sat up on the familiar shit encrusted clouds at the entrance to heaven. Examining her pained shoulder and picking at the neat bullet hole in her temple she jumped up and strolled up to the front desk where she found nothing but an empty seat. "Hello? Peter?" she glanced around and found an "out to lunch" sign nestled on the desk. A mischievous grin spread across her face as she batted the sign away and hopped up onto the chair.

"I'm going to be in so much trouble" she giggled to herself as she looked at the book lying on the desk. She began to reach for the massive volume but was stopped at the sound of someone clearing their throat. Fearing the worst she looked up and found one of the agents that had taken her out. "What the FUCK are you doing HERE!" he screamed as he reached for where his gun would normally be stored, it wasn't there. "She is going to get out of my chair" both turned to acknowledge the angel, Caroline then obeyed and leaped over the desk next to the still shocked man. "If you really must know I am only visiting" she remarked as she began to concentrate on the guy's head.

"Yeah say hello to Kevin in Hell for me!" the man jeered back at the woman who was staring intensely at his skull. "Actually as long as she doesn't try anything in the next few minutes she'll be sent back without any hassle" the angel mumbled something doubtful under his breath. "WHAT! you can't send HER back! She a monster! A mass murderer! That and she got a hole blown in her fucking HEAD!"

BLAM!

And with that the man's brains splattered all over Peter's face.

ZZZTT!

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS THAT!" the man said as some chunks of scalp flew back into place. "THAT WAS HEAD-EXPLODEY! ISN'T IT JUST AWESOME!" Caroline shouted before she began to laugh maniaclly. The guy could only watch in horror for a few minutes, eventually his anger boiled over, "HEY YOU FUCKING LOONY BITCH CAN'T-"

BLAM!

The murderers head exploded and her body fell to the ground. "Ummm could you please tell me what's going on?" he turned to the angel who was pulling an umbrella out from under the desk. "Well to make a long story short, all those who enter heaven receive fantastic mental abilities" the guy however could not hear the last three words as they were drowned out by the sound of his head exploding.

This predictably went on for several gore filled minutes.

FOOF!

The burst of energy from Caroline's transport to hell sent the F.B.I. guy hurtling backwards where he was impaled on the Pearly gates. Meanwhile Peter could only shake his head in frustration/exasperation.

IN HELL

Caroline landed with a loud thud, after jumping to her feet she dusted off her clothing and began to look around. First thing she noticed was that she was one the side of an active volcano, the streams of magma flowing down the slopes and into the burned wasteland bellow where clear signs of that. Next sensory input she analyzed was the ambient noise which mostly consisted of the agonized screams of the damned and crackling wood.

She soon found herself at the cave-like entrance to the Nasty Hell, where all the people who knew they were sinning but didn't give a shit go, as announced on the sign. "Hey Caroline!" someone began shouting from deep within the cave. She squinted into the volcanic haze and found a small demon boy dashing towards her. "Oh hey Pepito! Did they rebuild the skool yet!" the woman talked to the antichrist as if, well as if he was just some normal kid whose parents she knew.

"Nope they just moved us to another skool deeper in the city" Pepito said when he reached her. "Oh that's too bad" she mumbled as the demon boy motioned for her to follow him back into the cave. "Father is deeper into the cave dealing with some rather outspoken examples of the damned" he stated as they passed doorways that were labeled with years that went up by decades.

Occasionally a demon would emerge from the doors allowing a glimpse inside. The rooms held pools that generally resemble hot tubs filled with white hot magma eternally scorching the damned while they were being eternally poked by demons. After a few hours of wandering, some arguments about navigation, and asking for directions they found themselves in a massive cavern occupied by a really massive magma pool.

A nearby sign announced it as the "Recent Arrivals, REALLY nasty humans, and Special requests"

The pool itself more closely resembled some freakish facsimile of a summer vacation lake, with demons jet skiing across the surface purposefully running over the damned. "My father is over there" the antichrist pointed across the lake towards a tall figure before running off to play with some other half-demon children.

Caroline began her long trek towards the Prince of Darkness and was generally content with listening to the agonized screams of very nasty people while she walked. Reaching the king of demons she bowed in an exageratted and sarcastic manner, "Hola! Senior Diablo!"

"Oh hello Caroline" the tall demon turned away from the damned he was currently tormenting. "So why did you want to talk to me here?" the murderer asked as she sat on what looked like a demonic life guard tower. "Well if you really must know I made a bet with one of the damned, if he wins he gets revenge on the guy who killed him" at the end of this speech he motioned for Caroline to come down.

"So what exactly are you betting on?" she asked as she jumped down. "He says he can hitch a ride back to the realm of the living on a reviving waste-lock" the entity chuckled as someone latched onto Caroline. She glanced back to find a pimply asshole latched onto her back "I swear if I wake up with you touching me like this I will Kill you myself"

"Yes ma'am" the guy said as he attempted to cop a feel. Caroline kindly responded by elbowing him in the gut and when he let go to double over in pain she picked him up and slammed him down on a stalagmite. He pulled himself off of the stalagmite and started to complain when Caroline punched him in the face. Satan of course found the whole scene hilarious, "As much as I would love to watch you get killed repeatedly I would like to point out that it's almost time."

The guy quickly pulled himself off of the stalagmite and latched back onto Caroline at the last second.

FOOF!