A/N: This is a very short chapter. It sets the stage for what will happen next. I reached a point where I knew I had to stop so I could dedicate the next chapter to Sam's next visit to Arkham.

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

Her first urge was to blurt out "Are you insane?" but she managed to hold the words back.

He was looking at her expectantly. Maybe he didn't expect her to echo his words but he expected something. Some kind of heartfelt revelation that she didn't have in her.

You have to do this. NOW.

He didn't know anything about her. Not the real stuff, the stuff that mattered. He didn't know the truth about Jack, or the drugs, or her lack of plans for the future. No, he only knew the girl who played XBox games with him, the one who was untouched by matters of self esteem and manipulation.

Now is the time for him to meet the whole package. If you care one iota about him you'll do it because he's not going away on his own and Jack will see him dead if he stays around. He'll think you're a horrible person but it'll be a small price to pay to keep him alive.

When Jack said he wouldn't hurt Eric she'd believed him...to a point. But she knew if he found out about Eric's gift and what he'd said.....well that might change things. And Jack could carry a grudge like no one else. He might leave Eric alone for a while. Maybe even years. But eventually he'd come after him.

You don't love him anyway. With Jack in your life there's no room for anyone else. Might as well face it.

"Eric." she began, taking a long breath. "Sit down. We have to talk."

His face fell. He knew it was going to be bad.

You don't know the half of it Eric. But you will.

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Later that night she sat alone in her bedroom.

"Well, it's over." she said aloud. Indeed it was. She was confident that Eric would never want anything to do with her again.

She'd started by telling him that she and Jack had slept together. Quite a few times actually. And she'd went on to let him know about the pills. Then for good measure she informed him she didn't want kids or marriage and nothing would ever change her mind about that.

Through it all she'd kept her voice steady and kind. She was hurting him and didn't want to make it worse.

"Tell me." he'd finally said in a choked whisper. "When he came back as the...the...the Joker...did you sleep with him then?"

"Yes." she'd answered calmly and the pain written on his face made her heart ache.

She thrown away her chance at a normal life, perhaps her last chance, and had felt relief while she was doing it. No more worrying about Eric finding out through another means. He'd heard it from her, she had exposed herself for what she truly was.

"I'm sorry." she'd told him. "I know you think I'm a bitch for what I'm doing but it's for the best. He'd end up killing you if we stayed together. You have no idea what he's capable of. He's not just about blowing things up. No, he'd hurt you Eric and I really do like you. I don't want anything to happen to you. You deserve better than me and again I'm sorry."

That was true. Somewhere out there was a totally normal, nice girl looking for a nice guy to settle down with. No point in keeping him for herself. She couldn't figure out why he felt so strongly towards her anyway. Perhaps he was so used to Suzy Homemakers in the making that someone different blew him away.

At any rate it was over. All she could hope was that now Jack would forget about him.

Afterwards he'd walked away in shock and she'd called a cab to take her home.

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And now here she was. Alone. Her sadness over what she'd done to Eric was hindered by a sense of emancipation.

What now? What's out there for me? Do I stay single for the rest of my life because of him?

I can see it now "Sorry Mr. Gorgeous Guy but I can't go out with you. You see there's this dude in Arkham, you might have heard of him. Well he doesn't want me seeing anyone, even though we never technically had a relationship, and he's half insane and spectacularly violent...so yeah....no go. Sorry."

What if you met that Bruce Wayne guy and he wanted to go out with you? Ok that would never happen, you're probably a little too.....scruffy for his taste. He's rich ya know. Anyway, that's just an example....would you tell him no? You'd have to! "Oh no Mr. Wayne, I'm saving myself for the Joker! You know him, crazy as a shithouse rat, wrecked your party, threw your friend out a window and blew her up, etc. Oh but he's sooo dreamy!"

She snickered at the thought and chewed her thumbnail. Aimlessly wandering through life, never quite fitting in, always on the perimeter of normalcy. That would be her existence. Damnit, she just wanted to enjoy being alive, to not worry. She wanted to be happy.

Don't be a victim. Change things. You know that idea you had after you got out of the hospital? Start planning, make it come to fruition. Cause if you don't do something you'll be in this same situation ten years from now. Do you want to long for him forever? He's not going anywhere, not unless he escapes which looks unlikely given the security of that place. Enough of this feelings horseshit. Do what you've gotta do, save yourself and to hell with him. Leave him behind.

"But I can't do that." she said aloud and shook her head in exasperation. Now she was answering her inner voice. Out loud. As crazy as it was to answer yourself it was still true. She couldn't leave him behind.

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A/N: So Eric is outta there. Next chapter Sam has her next meeting with the Joker and learns a few things.

I hope I didn't make her too loopy this chapter. I'm basically trying to illustrate she's at her wit's end. She drove Eric away and gave up any hope for a normal life (even though he was all wrong for her) and she feels bad for the way she wasn't straight with him. Of course there's another reason she broke it off with him that she never quite addresses. Which is her feelings for Jack/Joker. Eric just can't measure up to him. Who could? I don't mean anything dirty by that but now that I think of it he probably doesn't measure up to him in that way either.