Fixing Past Mistakes

Chapter 38

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After a few days of silence Severus took Harry to a secluded, rocky part of the beach close to their home; Luna as always came with them. He wasn't an outdoors person, but staying cooped up in a silent house was driving him insane. He was hoping that a change of scenery would help Harry open up about everything he had heard. He would have preferred anger, shouting... anything really, rather than this void that Harry had sunk into. He'd spent a lot of time outside with the other wolves, probably trying to process everything he'd been told.

"Talk to me, Harry; tell me how you feel," Severus asked his son, staring at him from where he sat perched on a rock. Harry was sitting in the sand, just a few meters from him, his feet being lapped by waves that danced in every so often. Luna was lunging at the water, jumping in and enjoying the coolness of it. Severus was praying he could somehow get his son to talk; he was nothing if not determined, though, so he would do it. He didn't care how long it took; he wouldn't lose him, not to this.

"You always made Hogwarts sound… fascinating," Harry said, finally talking. "Why?"

"Waiting to attend… I was extremely excited, as was your mum. Lily couldn't wait to learn magic; I, on the other hand, couldn't wait to get away from Spinners End," Severus explained quietly. He understood what Harry was asking without his outright saying anything. "Harry, I wasn't about to colour your opinion of anything, especially not Hogwarts. Just because my experience wasn't particularly happy… well, it wasn't that way for everyone. I can't say I hated school; I enjoyed learning very much, and my time with your mother was… irreplaceable."

"You were bullied," Harry said, or rather stated. He knew it was true; it would be the only real reason someone hated school. Sure, people would grumble about the workload and having to do it, but that wouldn't leave its mark this long after leaving school... at least he didn't think so.

"As were a lot of others," Severus pointed out, not wishing to talk about that part of his life, least of all with Harry. He couldn't tell the child his father had been one of his main tormentors. He had forgiven Potter a long time ago, right after he'd realized how deeply his feelings for Harry ran; thanks to James Potter, he had a chance to experience fatherhood, and it was a love greater than any other he'd experienced.

"It was my father, wasn't it?" Harry asked, turning to face his dad with a serious look on his face. It was why his dad didn't have many stories about him, despite the fact they'd all gone to the same school for seven years. He knew everyone in his year, despite the fact that half took different classes than he.

"Harry, it was a long time ago, quite literally for me. He adored you, and that is all that should matter," Severus told him, sternness and determination written across his face. It was at that moment Severus realized he had truly changed―years ago he would have laid bare everything James Potter had done to him, let Harry see his father wasn't exactly the good man everyone liked to think he was.

Harry nodded thoughtfully; standing up, he walked over and sat next to his dad on the massive rock that looked surprisingly clean for where it was. "What about Remus?" was asked after a few moments of silence, both of them staring out at the waves, its peacefulness disturbed only by Harry and Severus' worry and fears.

"What would you like to know?" Severus enquired, relaxing slightly. It seemed Harry had processed everything and was finally branching out in his questions ― there was hope after all.

"Was he my father's friend?" Harry questioned.

"Yes; he later became your mother's friend as well," Severus explained, his eyes drifting to Luna, who was jumping out of the water and shaking herself off, getting both of them wet before she lay down in the sand. She trusted them both implicitly, and knew they'd never hurt one another.

"Did he end up in Azkaban too?" Harry whispered sadly. He couldn't imagine living in that prison; the book just described the most awful existence, and with what the Dementors did to the inmates, how could someone come out of there sane? Nobody deserved to be in a place like that ― especially not people who were innocent.

"No, no he did not," Severus admitted; he didn't need to be a genius to see where this was going.

"What happened to him, then? Did they fall out too?" Harry then asked, bewildered.

"Actually, they were distant with Remus. It was a very difficult time; you didn't know who to trust. Families were being betrayed and turning on each other, accusing anyone that was acting different of being on the dark side. The other side was getting information that shouldn't have been possible to obtain… unless there was a spy in their midst. Which there was. I can't say what your father and godfather were thinking, but the bonds of friendship among the four of them was tested to the limit and found lacking; they began to distance themselves from Remus."

"Why him?" Harry enquired, digging further as he gazed at his dad, seeking answers... knowing something was being kept back.

Severus smirked. He had raised one smart boy, one that didn't give up when he wanted something. He was tenacious, smart, hard-working, and loyal; independent, with very good friends, which meant he was a very good judge of character. He could remember the time when he feared he wouldn't be able to raise Harry properly. "Because the werewolves were joining the Dark Lord Voldemort; he promised them that he would get rid of the laws that prevent them from working and having families, and that consider them dangerous creatures."

"Are there?" Harry muttered, frowning. Maybe he should take some law library books out and read them, but he didn't understand why. "They aren't considered dangerous creatures; we learned all about them in Defence against the Dark Arts; werewolves weren't on the list."

"Not here they aren't; the British magical world is rather… behind the times with their beliefs." Severus found it difficult to articulate that sentence for Harry. "Behind in their beliefs" was admittedly too good a sentiment for them, a few years into living in St. Lucia in the Caribbean… it was a slice of paradise, small but peaceful, with their own laws far more fair and just than Britain would ever be.

"Just beliefs?" Harry asked sceptically. He was only ten years old, nearly eleven, but even he didn't believe what his dad said. He'd never been one for underestimating or understating.

"Very well, about a lot of things," Severus conceded; he couldn't even pull the wool over his own son's eyes. Had he gone soft, or did Harry just know him well enough to be able to tell when he was being disingenuous? Perhaps it was a bit of both, he thought to himself wryly.

"So they all fell out… did they ever apologize and decide to be friends again?" Harry wondered.

"I do not think there were accusations ever thrown around; they merely became distant. They didn't include him in activities or invite him around any longer," Severus told him thoughtfully, trying to remember what Black and Lupin had said in the short time he'd seen them after the funeral before coming back in time. "They cut him off, and it hurt him deeply; he considered you his cub."

"Like Luna and the others?" Harry asked arching an eyebrow, "Isn't that an animal thing?"

"All right; his wolf considered you his cub," Severus wryly corrected himself. "But the man and the wolf are very much the same…"

"I know, dad," Harry added quickly, "He always has the same sense of smell and strength as his wolf."

"Which he refers to as Moony, by the way," Severus said, successfully managing not to grimace.

"It's sort of ironic, isn't it? I mean being a werewolf and called Remus Lupin, it's as if it was meant to be," Harry commented. "Why didn't he come to see me? Was it because he was angry with my father?"

"That, I am afraid, is something you will have to ask him, Harry," Severus confessed tiredly, "I am not privy to his thoughts or actions; in fact, it wasn't until… the funeral that I saw him again after the Order disbanded."

"Order?" Harry echoed.

Severus turned to face Harry, startled, only to realize he hadn't mentioned the Order of the Phoenix to Harry during his chat. "The Order of the Phoenix was a secret organization that Albus Dumbledore started during the first war with the Dark Lord Voldemort. He picked good fighters, and they attempted to stop Voldemort's plans and fight him."

"A vigilante group?" Harry stated, amused. "Let me guess: my mum and father were part of it?"

"They were, as was I," Severus replied, bemused. "There were two spies in the organization: myself and Peter Pettigrew."

"Oh," Harry uttered, not sure what else he could say.

Silence once again began to descend upon them, but it wasn't as strained as it had previously been. Severus stared out at the water, wondering what he could do to make things better. He didn't like the silence that was spanning between them; he had grown attached to his inquisitive imp, who questioned everything until he was blue in the face. He wanted things to go back to normal, but he was a realistic man and knew such an occurrence wasn't possible. Harry was no longer the innocent little boy with the simple life, but he was determined that Harry's life wouldn't be messed up because of the past. He knew the coming months would be the most difficult, but like Harry he was determined, and he would see it through.

"Are we leaving?" Harry asked. He didn't want to leave his school, his friends… but his dad meant more to him than anything else; he was all he had. It was obvious his dad felt the same; he had so wanted to reply when his dad spoke, but he'd been so shocked by everything he'd just learned ― choked up to the max and unable to say a damn thing. He wasn't sure what he could have said, to be honest.

"I love you, son. I always have and always will; nothing will change that. I regret a lot in my life… but there is one thing I am most proud of, one thing I know I did right... and that's you. I thought coming back to fix things was my second chance… but it wasn't: you were. You helped me start living; before you, I just existed. There is no parent prouder of his son than I am of you."

No, he would follow his dad wherever it took him. It didn't stop him from wanting to know, though. The uncertainty was grating on his nerves; he wasn't used to that emotion ― at least not that he could remember.

"I didn't plan anything beyond time's reinserting itself, Harry. I went with the flow and inevitably forgot this wasn't permanent until you began to grow up. I've been trying to tell you for the past six months. I rationalised to myself that you should get to do your exams first without this… information being lumbered at you. Unfortunately, the last day of class… took away any excuses I may have come up with. I couldn't thrust this information on you, then take you to Great Britain," Severus confessed.

"DAD!" Harry couldn't help but whine, he hated when his dad danced around a subject. Then he realized the only times he'd seen that was when his dad didn't know the answer or he wasn't a hundred percent sure either. "You don't know, do you? You want to stay!" That was a relief; hopefully he could talk his dad into staying.

"I do," Severus told him, not only because this was the best school for Harry, who came first when he thought about anything. The other reasons were because he was happy here; he had respect from the academic community, from his neighbours, and people he actually considered friends. Why would anyone in his right mind want to go back to suspicion, scorn, and distrust? Added to that was the unknown aspect of Dumbledore and what he could potentially do. The fact he'd wanted to break Petunia out of prison just to get Harry back under the blood wards ― regardless of what she'd done ― turned his stomach. No, Dumbledore was… a threat, one he didn't want near Harry with a ten-foot barge pole. If he knew all his motives and each potential decision he would make, then he might have considered it, but as well as he thought he knew Dumbledore ― it wasn't enough.

"Why are we going there, anyway?" Harry asked petulantly. Hogwarts sounded horrible; the laws sounded disgustingly archaic, and they treated people like animals. Yes, he sounded like his dad, but it was inevitable, really, that he would pick up on his dad's vocabulary and parrot his words. His friends got a laugh out of it, but they ended up learning things too.

"To let the people who care about you very deeply know that you are alive and well," Severus told him firmly.

"If they cared, they would have come to see me," Harry denied adamantly.

"Look at it this way, if they had, this would not have happened. You wouldn't have Luna, your friends, or this school, and you definitely wouldn't have an education other than basic math, English, and science... if you were lucky," Severus replied thoughtfully. He definitely didn't want to think about what he would be like; the kicker was, he already knew.

"And you!" Harry exclaimed, frowning at his dad. Did he think he didn't want him anymore? The niggling thought that perhaps his dad was insecure sometimes like him made him feel decidedly wrong-footed. His dad was strong, smart, and capable; he always helped make him better.

"Is that the case?" Severus enquired; the last few days would indicate otherwise.

"Dad, I might get mad at you… but I always love you," Harry explained. "Just like my friends get with their dads... only they're more cheeky," he added impishly.

"Is that so?" Severus said dryly, shaking his head, trying to clear it. These conversations didn't seem to stay in a straight line; they went all over the place, and you ended up forgetting the original question. Which he had; even going over the questions was giving him a headache, so he promptly stopped.

"Dad?" Harry asked after a few seconds.

"Yes?" Severus replied immediately, once again facing his son, as he sensed that this wasn't going to be an easy question.

"Were my mum and father targeted because they were in the vigilante group? If so, why betray them only when they went under the Fidelius Charm? Why wait so long?… the spy must have been at it for a while to split their friendship, right? Wouldn't it have been easier before, unless they'd just joined?" Harry wondered, scratching his head lightly as he thought about it.

"No," Severus admitted, pursing his lips; it figured that Harry would catch onto that. "Do you remember me telling you about the Prophecy and how the Dark Lord Voldemort began hunting down unborn children?" At Harry's nod, he continued, "He went after children born as the seventh month died, as described in the prophecy. You were the only one born then, although there was another quite close. But regardless, the Dark Lord Voldemort decided to go after you. He was already after your parents for being Order members and defying him three times, but you were the icing on the cake, and he redoubled his efforts to get your family."

"What does the prophecy say?" Harry asked, perturbed.

"Only half is known; the rest only Albus Dumbledore knows," Severus told him, feeling oddly calm. "Other than where the rest of it is stored, of course, in the Ministry of Magic." Harry nodded that he understood, so Severus continued and recited, "The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches, born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies; he will have the power the Dark Lord knows not. This is all that is known by the other side; however, should you wish to hear it all, a trip could be arranged to get the sphere. It was I and another Death Eater who overheard it and recited it back to the Dark Lord." There, now Harry knew.

"I don't want to stay there, dad," Harry told him quietly, "As much as I would love to go to the same school you all did…I like it here."

Severus sighed and wrapped his arms around his son, "I know," he admitted. "I know." Surprise thrummed through him, he'd just told Harry about it, yet he wasn't even blinking. He didn't feel as guilty about it; the letter had soothed his ravaged soul and helped him forgive himself and move on.

"So can we stay?" Harry asked.

"If that is what you want, then yes, we will stay," Severus told him honestly; he couldn't deny Harry. "To go to Hogwarts would be detrimental to your education. Not only do they not have a third of the subjects you are taking, or can take, you would start at the beginning all over again. They learn at the age of eleven what you learned at five years of age."

Harry gaped, "You're kidding!"

"No, I am not." Severus gave Harry a droll look; when did he ever kid?

"When are we going back?" Harry asked in resignation.

"Still a long while yet. September, which gives you enough time to finish your summer homework, see your friends, and cancel the last four of your surfing lessons," Severus told him.

"So… am I called Harrison Snape? Harry Snape? I think I prefer Regis," Harry's eyes were comically wide. He knew he was adopted, obviously, and that he had his dad's DNA in him, due to the potion he'd created. It's why he looked like all three of his parents, his mum, father, and of course his dad. He saw more of his dad in him though; he didn't even need his Metamorphamagus abilities for that.

Severus chuckled, "Actually, your father's name was James Potter; your birth name is Harry James Potter." It felt odd thinking of him with that name even for a moment.

"So not Harrison?" Harry said, feeling strangely disappointed by that.

"When I adopted you, I decided on Harrison, mostly on paper, since I would never disregard your mum's wishes, and she obviously wanted you to be called Harry. It's also a more regal name, and it suited you," Severus replied.

"Luna's coming, right?" Harry then asked, "What about Mishi?"

"Luna may come," Severus conceded, but a snake? "Mishi may also come if you wish, but I think he might be better off staying at Talin's while we are away, the weather might be too much for him. Snakes need warmth." Especially snakes from this side of the world; he could only imagine the shock that would go through him at the abrupt weather change.

"All right," Harry agreed with pause.

"Are you feeling better now?" Severus then asked, knowing it to be true.

"Yes," Harry answered. "But I really wasn't mad at you, dad; you were just trying to protect me, I know that. I just felt hurt that you hadn't told me, and it was a lot of information!"

"It was," Severus solemnly agreed.

"Dad?" Harry asked.

"Yes?" Severus' tone was slightly exasperated.

"I love you too," Harry told him, his tone filled with love.

"I know," Severus replied his tone also gentling down, no exasperation to be heard.

The return to England was swiftly looming on them; neither were looking forward to it, to say the least.

Edited Thank you Jake and Jordre for all your hard work :)