CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

The Lion vs the Serpent

Sasha shooed Tonks out of her room after they had gone through everything in her closet. She just wanted to be alone with his letter and take it all in. What could be the meaning of it? He must have some ulterior motive. She was sure this wasn't only to see her. It was more likely a ploy to keep an eye on Lucius she decided. No matter, she

was going to see her Severus. She sat down to pen her response to him and was soon interrupted by Sirius. "Who are you writing to?" He plopped down on the bed.

"Severus of course. Just letting him know I'll see him Saturday."

"Want me to help?" He asked mischievously.

"I do not." She did not look up from her letter.

"How about, 'Dear Severus, I want to shag you till you can't walk. Love Sasha.'" He snickered while lying on the bed and looking up at the ceiling.

"Your disgusting!" She said flatly which made him laugh harder. "Honestly! Who thinks like that?"

"All men that's who."

"I don't believe that for a moment."

"Well you should."

"Will you just leave me alone?"

"You're playing with fire Sasha. Why can't you meet some nice wizard that doesn't sulk around with his collar choking him all day?" He sauntered out of the room as Sasha thought about his words. She was playing with fire. She knew it, but she couldn't stop.

As arranged with her family she apparated just outside the Three Broomsticks and met Lucius and Cissy. She hugged her brother, knowing he hated that, and kissed Cissy once on each cheek as their upbringing conditioned them to.

"Now why did you wear that Gryffindor scarf? Are you deliberately trying to embarrass me?" Lucius cracked.

"I was just about to ask you the same think snaky." She gave his green scarf a tug.

"Oh don't start this early you two. Let's go. I want to see Draco before the match." Cissy was very anxious to get going. She was always the doting mother.

Severus stood just outside the castle walls and watched them walk up the path to the castle. They certainly looked like a family. All shocking blonde and dressed to the nines. He already felt outnumbered and out of place with his jet-black hair and being dressed like a professor. He felt unnerved after his error with the letters and confrontation with Sirius. His only defensive resource was his arrogant persona, which had always served him well. Sasha saw him first and broke into a broad smile as she waved at him. He felt immediately more relaxed and raised his hand back at her although one would hardly call it a wave. He walked across the courtyard to meet them. Sasha walked ahead to meet him first and hugged him. He was mortified at being hugged by her right in the middle of the castle grounds and in front of Lucius no less and pulled her arms down.

"Oh, sorry. I've just missed you." She blushed and looked at the ground. He regretted taking the joy out of her greeting but she had to remember where she was.

"It's good to see you Sasha." He mumbled. Lucius and Narcissa came walking up towards them.

"Severus my friend." Lucuis greeted him with a handshake while patting his shoulder with his other hand.

"How lovely to see you again." Narcissa hummed while kissing him on each cheek as she did with everyone. Sasha's eyes narrowed as she did this but only Lucius noticed.

"Shall we head down to the quidditch pitch?" Severus wanted to make sure he had his pick of seats so he was ensured a seat next to Sasha.

"Oh no I want to see Draco before the match." Cissy loved her son and smothered him to the point of embarrassment in front of his friends.

"Cis, leave him alone. If he knows you're both here he'll be nervous." She remembered when Sirius and Regulus' father would attend matches. He would make Regs tense because he wanted to please him and Sirius would be angry and careless because his father wouldn't bother to see his less favored older son. Both would play terribly.

"Not at all Narcissa I think it would help him to know that his parents were here to cheer him on." Severus was anxious to get rid of them and have Sasha to himself.

"Let's go Lucuis." She pulled him by the hand towards the Slytherin dorms.

"Well if Slytherin loses don't blame me." Sasha said rolling her eyes. "You know neither of you understand the game." She said to Severus. "I can't believe Lucius is allowing this."

He smiled at her not really hearing what she was saying but thinking that she looked like the girl he knew all those years ago at school. "Shall we?" He said waving his hand towards the field. She smiled back and they walked down the hill together. "I see you dug out your Gryffindor colors today. I suppose we'll have to sit in the faculty box. How disappointing, I was hoping you would cheer for my house." He looked at her scarf.

"Not likely. Unless they are playing Huffelpuff or Ravenclaw I won't be betting against my own house." She flipped her scarf over her shoulder.

"Have you been playing chess lately?" He was working very hard at small talk.

"A bit. It's a frustrating game. I'd hoped to be practiced enough to give you more of a challenge by now but Remus still thrashes me daily." She shrugged.

"It takes years of practice Sasha, you can't hope to pick it up in a few weeks." There was a pause and he studied her profile as her hair blew in the breeze. The conversation lagged with neither one of them knowing how to proceed.

Sasha grew uncomfortable with the silence and decided to be blunt. Perhaps it would clear the air so they could enjoy the afternoon. "So, why don't you level with me?"

"About?"

"Why did you invite us here?"

"I enjoy your company." He said quickly.

"Not good enough. What's the catch?"

He smirked at her and was a bit pained that she would think he wouldn't invite her without an ulterior motive. She was right actually. He wouldn't invite her, but that didn't mean he didn't want to see her. "You know me well as I'm continually reminded." He sighed. "The Dark Lord is searching for Karkaroff and thinks he may contact you. Have you noticed Lucius asking a lot of questions about him?"

"Yes, I assumed this was his assignment."

"Precisely. I'm concerned that he may become impatient if you are unable to give enough information to please him, so I told Lucius I would assist him. This will allow me to help you."

" I'm lucky to have a friend like you." He did not respond and they were now at the faculty box. They walked up the stairs and found their seats. Delores Umbridge immediately joined them. She was in a pink frock with matching overcoat and Sasha thought she looked like a fat fluff of cotton candy on little stick legs. Severus reluctantly introduced them at Umbridge's urging.

"Ah yes Miss Malfoy. You and Mr. Crouch oversaw the Tri-Wizard Tournament last year correct?"

"That's right." Sasha nodded and put herself on guard.

"And this was the same tournament in which Cedric Diggory died as a result of injuries sustained in your challenge correct?"

"No, he was murdered by Voldemort." She narrowed her eyes.

"I see you subscribe to the notions of silly teenagers searching for more drama to add to their lives." She giggled with a condescending tone.

Sasha thought she resembled an overstuffed pink sausage. She inhaled and prepared to lay into her, her verbal assault quickly forming in her mind and on it's way out of her mouth. Severus cleared his throat awkwardly and she looked at him. He gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head and she stopped herself. She held her tongue and turned to watch the players flying onto the pitch, fuming in silence and casting aggravated looks at Severus. He did not engage her further, hoping her anger would pass quickly once the match started.

Eventually they were joined by Lucius and Narcissa who sat down next to them. Sasha had been looking forward to the play-by-play analysis with Lucius regarding one of their few safe subjects but he spent the entire match sucking up to Umbridge. "Can you believe him?" She whispered to Severus. He looked at her but made no response. "Have you ever heard anything so obnoxious? Stupid cow." Severus narrowed his eyes in an attempt to silence her, which only made her angrier.

The match was close but Harry finally caught the snitch, winning the match for his team. Sasha jumped up and cheered as loud as she could, waving to Minerva in solidarity who was also in the box. She felt quite smug and was looking forward to rubbing the loss into her brother's face all through dinner. As she watched the post game celebration on the field she saw the beginnings of an argument. Draco was going after Harry, running his mouth. The Gryffindor team ignored him and Sasha was proud of them for not getting suckered into anything with her nephew. She was soon dismayed however as Harry and the Weasley twins jumped him and the fight ensued. Narcissa jumped up in fear for her son while Lucius merely leaned back in his seat and rolled his eyes, as did Severus. Umbridge left the box and went immediately to the field to assist Mme Hooch.

"Lucuis aren't you going to go down there?" Naricssa was frantic and wringing her hands.

"Oh relax Cissy. He knew it was coming. He was asking for it." Sasha jumped in before he could answer.

"I think you should re-prioritize your loyalties Sasha."

"Cissy, please don't talk about quidditch. You just embarrass yourself. He purposely baited them so there would be a post game penalty from Hooch and Umbridge. My stupid team walked right into it. They'll be lucky if they don't get benched for the next match. Draco knew exactly what he was doing you should be proud of him. Sirius used to do it all the time. 'Taking one for the team' was what he called it. He was the master. Am I right Lucius?"

"Indeed you are Sasha. I'm sure we'll find out the extent of his success at dinner tonight."

"Is Draco dining with us? Wonderful."
"No, Delores. I've invited her."

"What?" Sasha made no effort to disguise her distaste. "I'm not having dinner with that troll."

"Then we'll miss you." He said curtly. "She's very influential within the ministry."

"Sounds like someone else needs to re-prioritize!" She hissed at him. She knew it was no use to argue about it. "Well then, I guess I'll just be off." She said becoming composed again. His dismissal of her came as no surprise. Lucius would throw her under the bus at a moment's notice if he could move up a rung or two in the social ladder. "It was good to see you again."

"I'll see you next Saturday?" Lucius asked.

"Yes." She said with resignation. "Yes you will."

"I'm afraid I'll have to bow out as well Lucius." Severus added quickly. "I'll need to speak with my house about their heavy handed strategy today and I see far more of Umbridge than I would like to as it is. Sasha perhaps you would be so kind as to assist me in reviewing the match?"

"Seriously? You expect me to give a pep talk to your house after what just happened?" She looked at him before realizing that he had no intention of talking quidditch. "Fine. Perhaps we could use Dumbledore's Pensive to look back at this game today. The beaters were a little sloppy." He allowed her to exit before him and they walked with the crowd toward the castle. "You don't really want to talk about quidditch do you?"

"No." They walked along in silence.

"So what's on your mind?" She looked beyond the castle at the red sun setting while thinking of what a clear night it was.

"Nothing." He scowled at the ground as they walked. He had no idea what to do next. He only knew he didn't want her to go yet. He was disgusted with himself for feeling like an adolescent, unsure and at a loss for words.

"Are you sure you don't need to talk about something?" She moved her head forward trying to look him in the eye.

"No." His eyes never left the ground and as his hair swung forward. He looked so much like the boy she knew so long ago.

Sasha remembered her mother's advice in awkward situations. Offer something about yourself to draw them in to conversation. "I'm hungry. Are you hungry? "

"I'm not in the mood for sitting in the great hall with a bunch of noisy students." He sighed as they entered the castle.

"Who said anything about that? Follow me."

She pulled him behind her to the house elf entrance to the kitchen looking for her connection. She saw Dobby who clasped his bony hands together and jumped up and down at the sight of seeing her with Severus. "Miss Sasha and Professor Snape, how wonderful to see you together."

"It's good to see you too Dobby. May I have a word with you?" She cut him off and pulled him aside before he could say something embarrassing. "Dobby, I wonder if you could scare us up a snack. Nothing to heavy, perhaps some bread and fruit or something like that."

"Yes Miss Sasha." He tucked his chin into his chest while looking up at her like they had a secret. He backed away and began scurrying around the kitchen dropping a few items into a basket. Severus watched him for a moment and then noticed a large wine rack on the wall containing Hogwarts private stores. He nicked a bottle and shoved it under his arm. Sasha returned to him carrying a basket of food.

"Alright, I've taken care of food. You're in charge of the location."

"Come with me." He grabbed her hand and led her through and pantry that opened up to a stairway. She followed him up stairs that rose high into the castle.

"Hey I didn't know about this staircase and I thought I knew every inch of Hogwarts. Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see." He led her up the stairs until they finally emerged at the top of the astronomy tower. It was now completely dark and the sky was crystal clear and sprinkled with stars. If there was one thing she hated about London, it was the night sky. There were too many lights in the city that would obstruct your view of all but the very brightest stars.

"Oh what a beautiful night. This is perfect!"

He motioned for her to come over to the edge of the tower near an angular skylight. They sat down and leaned against the window. Sasha dug into the basket and handed him some of the fresh bread.

"Thirsty?" He asked and held up the bottle.

"Yes. Is that Château Montellena?"

He looked at the bottle and it was however the name meant nothing to him. "It is at that. I had no idea you were interested in muggle wine."

"We spent a summer in Napa when that vineyard was getting started. It's excellent."

Severus used his wand to pull the cork out of the bottle, and then handed it to her. He broke the cork in two and used his wand to transfigure them into two glasses.

"Nicely done." Then she tensed as she recalled the familiarity of this scene. Her mind went back to the evening before the first task when she and Igor drank firewhiseky in the forbidden forest. She felt the familiar worry creep back into her mind and looked up to search the sky for Orion. It was a bit early but she thought she could make it out. She wondered where he was tonight and if he was warm and safe.

"What are you thinking about?" Severus asked. His voice made her jump. She wondered if he already knew. What a fool she was sitting here with Severus and worrying about Igor. She refocused on the moment at hand.

"How do you keep from reading peoples thoughts all the time?" She asked in an effort to change the subject. "I think I would be too tempted to know what people were really thinking." She took a glass and poured the wine then handed it back to him.

He took the glass and felt something electric as his hand grazed her fingertips. "I used to be that way, but quickly tired of it. You would be amazed how quickly after reading thoughts that you decide perhaps some things are better kept to one's self."

"Fair enough." She poured herself a glass and took a sip. "Do people always know when you're reading their thoughts? I mean, can you slip into their mind undetected or do they always know your there?"

"If they suspect your ability and are not asleep then yes, the subject will generally deduce what you are doing. During sleep however the mind drifts and dreams. You can never be sure that what you are seeing is reality."

"And how did you learn Occlumency? Blocking."

"I read and practiced. Dumbledore coached me but I have since surpassed him I do believe." He took a sip of wine and held up the glass to examine it.

"Can you teach me?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea." He sighed. "Perhaps you should work with Sirius or someone who knows you better. It's a very exposing process.

"Scared you might see too much?"

He looked up at the stars. "Only you know that." He said softly.

She took another sip of wine and pretended to study the label on the bottle "I imagine the inside of my head could be a bit frightening." She was suddenly overcome by a wave of sadness. What was she doing? Sharing a bottle of wine with Severus on the astronomy tower practically inviting him into her nightmare of a mind. She looked back up at the sky and located Orion. Then she worried that he wouldn't be wouldn't be able to see Cassiopeia until May or June. He might feel even more alone if he looked up and couldn't see her. She felt very alone at the moment. Severus was only with her out of some kind of duty. He was barely talking to her. She felt desperate and pathetic. Why was she here?

"I should go." She stood up suddenly and brushed off her robes.

"What? It's still early. You haven't eaten anything yet."

"I know but this isn't right. You're Head of Slytherin House and shouldn't be up here with me. It sets a terrible example. Sirius has nothing to do but sit home like a mother hen and worry. I should go back."

Severus knew why she was leaving. Despite what she had told him in The Three Broomsticks, she must still have feelings for Karkaroff. He saw her looking at Orion this evening. That must have gotten her thinking about him. Now she would rather be alone with her memories than here with him. The thought of it gave him a very desperate feeling. He couldn't stand it when he was unable to control a situation. He watched her walking away from him and felt the fury building. How dare she reject him like this after he'd put himself out there. After the stress of almost sending the other letter and the humiliation he endured from Black. Didn't she realize how difficult all this was with him? Did she still give a damn about him? Something snapped inside him and without thinking through the consequences he drew his wand and aimed it at her. "Legilimens!" She turned to face raw emotion was all over her face.

He was spinning through her mind and seeing visions of himself. He was a young man in potions class focused intently on his work as a younger Sasha gazed at him adoringly. Next he saw both of them in dress robes and dancing on the balcony over the Yule Ball in their fourth year. The scene changed again, and he was confronted by his own face twisted in anger as he slammed her against the wall and showed her his mark.

He felt the sharp pain in his skull just as she had when her head hit the stone. He kept searching. This wasn't what he wanted to know. He saw more visions of himself. He was holding her close and dancing with her in front of Slytherin students. Then he saw himself the way he looked when he came to her room before the Yule Ball. Next they were hunched over a table by the fire studying chess pieces last month. Then he saw her watching him gazing at Lily across a classroom. Next he was an eleven year old boy under the sorting hat. No, no, that's not what I need to see. He pushed the memories of him aside and continued to search. Finally he saw Karkaroff's face close to hers, and felt the air blowing over the lake.

"Igor you've become my most treasured friend. You're never a last resort."

"But I'm not Severus." He sighed and studied the planks on the deck of the ship

"No."

"He's a lucky man but he's too thick and neurotic to know it. What a bastard! Why do you put up with him? Do you really love him or is it just an old habit?"

"It's inexplicable. His mind, the depth of his devotion to Lily, and the way he feels so protective of me, his lovely voice. I can't tell you why I feel this way I just do."

The scene changed again with the two of them in her rooms presumably after Voldemort's return. He asked her to kiss him and Severus was ready to explode at he watched Karkaroff kiss her passionately and rub his hands all over her until she pushed him off hard. "This isn't right."

Her words in the memory coincided with her finally using all her mental strength to push him out of her head. The force of her pushed him back several steps and he struggled to keep his balance. They were both breathing hard and he saw tears streaming down her face before she looked down at the ground to hide them.

"So much for scruples." She choked. "Is there anything else you would like to know?" She stood very still bracing for further invasion.

He could not face her. He turned and leaned over the balcony still trying to catch his breath. This was certainly not the first time he'd gone snooping in someone's thoughts but this time he regretted it. He was chipping away at all the trust she had in him. He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes tightly.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" She asked again when he didn't respond.

He remained silent. He didn't know what he was looking for. He stood there breathing hard and opened his eyes to look over the edge of the building. He briefly considered jumping.

He didn't hear her approach him and was surprised when she touched his back softly. "What were you looking for?"

"I don't know." He honestly didn't. He looked at the moon shining over the black lake and remembered their morning flight.

"Yes you do, even if you can't articulate it." She moved her hand back and forth across his shoulders and he closed his eyes again. "Have I ever lied to you?"

"No."

"Is there something you would like to ask me?"

There were hundreds of things he wanted to ask her but instead he responded by shaking his head slowly.

"I know trust is hard for you and I can accept that in you. It's not your fault. It's learned behavior. Just know if you want to ask me something, I'll always tell you the truth. If you're afraid to ask, I'll welcome you into my mind, but you don't have to force your way in." She turned to go but stopped at the top of the stairs. "Sev?"

"Hmm?" He continued to look down, anywhere but at her.

"Why does it always end badly with us?"

It was his fault. He knew it. All his fears and insecurities paralyzed him. He couldn't go forwards or backwards. He was stuck. He couldn't tell her this however. It made him feel weak and he didn't want her to think he was weak. She waited for his answer but it never came.

"I'm still glad I came today." She stepped down onto the first step.

"Sasha?" He turned quickly to face her. She stopped and turned to him. "When will I see you again?" The desperation in his voice restored her hope yet again.

She mustered a smile but it looked sad. "Whenever you choose to." She knew he was not to be pushed. As she descended the stairs he leaned over the ledge again with his head in his hands gripping his hair. He'd blown it again. His anger and frustration pushing him to make the wrong move and driving him further into isolation. He hated his life. It felt like a joke. He considered jumping again. Would anyone miss him? Truly miss him? For any reason other than the function he served, teacher, spy fighter, while the vacancy of these positions would be inconvenient, he was replaceable. Sasha would miss him but she would be free of him. She could move on. Or perhaps not and she would become as he had, an emotional wasteland, incapable of anything meaningful.

He saw her emerge from the castle below and walk towards Hagrid to apperate home. When she was far enough away, she turned towards the castle and shot something out of her wand. Then she was gone. Severus braced for a hex but then saw something floating towards him. It was parchment folded in the shape of a swan. When it came to him he opened it and read her message.

"One day everything will be better. I promise you that."