A/N - I understand that notifications were not working so if you missed last week's update, I suggest you check out the last chapter before reading this one. Thank you all for the lovely reviews! I am happy to be back. :)
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Ch. 36 - "I figured something out. The future is unpredictable." ― John Green, An Abundance of Katherines
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Kara was not amused. In general, she had no problem with Caroline Green. The woman was blunt and sarcastic, but Caroline saved the worst of her mockery for Danny (or Teylor) and so long as she avoided controversial topics like the Navy or whales or the morality of eating meat, Kara actually found their conversations enjoyable. And while there were a number of sailors on the Nathan James - including Carlton, the big baby - who openly avoided her, Caroline had never given Kara any reason to dislike her.
Until now.
Because standing outside CIC demanding to see Kara immediately and harassing Kara's team for refusing to admit her was simply not acceptable. Especially since Captain Chandler, Danny, and the rest of the TAC team was currently off-ship looking for a safe spot to deposit Ray and his band of kids, leaving the Nathan James short-handed and making this a rather piss-poor time for Kara to take a break. Keeping her temper on a short leash, Kara turned to Kirkland. "You're in charge. I will be back as soon as I deal with Ms. Green."
Exiting the command center, Kara immediately scowled at the woman. "This better be good. We're in the middle of an operation."
Caroline looked like she was about to argue, then changed her mind. "It's Rachel. I know that Danny think that I'm being paranoid but I know that something is wrong. Please come see her. You're her friend. Maybe she'll talk to you about what's going on."
The word "no" was on the tip of Kara's tongue but something about the way that Caroline was twisting her hands, the slight panic in her voice, made Kara hesitate. While Caroline did seem to distrust the Navy on principle, she wasn't the paranoid sort - her complaints at least had a basis in reality. And Rachel had been different recently, spending all of her time working on the nebulized cure, barely eating or sleeping and avoiding any social gathering. Kara knew that people reacted to loss differently - she had certainly seen that first-hand over the past four months - but perhaps Rachel's retreat was not entirely related to her grief over Doctor Hunter's death or the destruction of the labs. If nothing else, Caroline's concerns warranted a visit. "Okay. I'll come by. But only for a minute. We have people on the ground right now. I need to be here in case they need support."
"Thank you." Caroline's shoulders drooped, her relief obvious.
Popping back into CIC, Kara alerted Commander Slattery that she was headed to the helicopter bay to check on an issue with Doctor Scott. Although not one of Kara's usual duties, the XO didn't question her, probably already aware of Caroline Green's presence outside of CIC and assuming that the two were related. There was little that escaped the XO's attention.
The brief walk to the helo bay was silent, Kara too caught up in her own concerns to make chit-chat. There was no reason to think that Cobra Team was in any danger, but Kara hadn't been able to shake a vague sense of unease. Of course, that didn't mean much. Nowadays she felt that way every time Danny left the ship. Glancing sideways at Caroline, she noticed the woman was grinning, a complete change from her demeanor outside CIC. Kara viewed the other woman warily. "Why are you smiling?"
Caroline gestured towards Kara's midsection. "You're holding your stomach."
Glancing down, Kara was surprised to see that Caroline was correct. She felt another of the fluttery motions that had begun only days earlier, so soft that at first Kara thought it was simply a new form of morning sickness. The confirmation that her baby, that little piece of her and Danny, was alive and well drew a smile from Kara. Her voice softening, Kara explained. "She's moving a lot these days."
"She?"
Kara shrugged. "Just a feeling. Really I have no idea."
"I figured that Danny would want a boy. A son to carry on the name and all of that," Caroline replied, her voice rather neutral.
Oddly, Kara realized that it was something that she and Danny had never talked about. Before Baltimore there had never been time and afterwards, well, then they had just been hoping that there was a baby at all. Still, it was one of those normal couple conversations that she and Danny had never had, another reminder of how abnormal everything about their relationship was. Turning the last corner before the helicopter bay, Kara focused her attention back on the issue at hand. She trailed Caroline through the door, somewhat surprised to see that the chamber appeared almost empty. Recently the lab had been busting at the seams with Doctor Milowsky and Caroline assisting Rachel with her research while Bertrise continued to produce vials of the cure, Chris usually hanging around to "help" her.
"Rachel?"
The woman started, immediately closing the computer screen she was studying, almost as though she were hiding something. "Kara. What are you doing here?"
No wonder Caroline was worried. Kara had never seen Rachel so jumpy. "I was passing by and thought I would stop for a minute. We haven't really spoken since Florida and I wanted to check to see how you were doing. I know how much Doctor Hunter meant to you."
"Yes, well, we have all lost people." Rachel paused, eyes going to the small framed picture on her desk. A moment passed before Rachel looked up again. "Did you still need something?"
Whatever Kara was expecting, it wasn't Rachel turning back to her work, dismissing Kara out of hand the way she used to do back in the Arctic. Back before they were friends. Before they went through so much together. Before Baltimore. At a loss, Kara said the first thing that popped into her head. "Where is Doctor Milowsky?"
"I asked him to take the morning off. The noise from all of the equipment was making it difficult to concentrate," Rachel explained airily.
Another surprise. The idea that Rachel would suggest Milowsky take a day off when they were pushing so hard to have the new vaccine ready before New Orleans didn't make sense. Kara's eyes slid to Caroline. Was that completely out-of-character behavior what had prompted her visit to CIC or was there more? Kara made sure to keep her voice light. "Perhaps a break would help. Maybe today is one of those times when you could use some tea and a girlfriend."
Rachel hesitated, but her voice was firm when she replied. "While I always enjoy our time together, Kara, Niels will be arriving any minute. I need to focus on our research."
Kara frowned. In addition to being jumpy, Rachel's hand was shaking as she reached for her mug. Since when did Rachel drink coffee? And when was the last time she slept? "Are you sure that you are feeling okay, Rachel? You don't look well."
"And since when are you qualified to make that decision, Lieutenant?" Rachel snapped, spinning around to face Kara. "Now I really must insist that you and Ms. Green leave. My work is far too important to be delayed by chit-chat!"
It took Kara a moment to find her voice, shocked as she was at Rachel's harsh tone. Her first instinct was to retreat, to accept Rachel's dismissal and leave her to her work, but that was a path that Kara had taken for too many years. She was no longer a child scared of losing the only parent she had. She wasn't even the woman she was in Gitmo, accepting Danny's rejection as no more than her due, her punishment for breaking the rules. Rachel was lashing out at everyone around her, like Danny did at Gitmo, like Kara did after Baltimore, and Kara knew with one hundred percent certainty that leaving would be the wrong thing to do. What Rachel needed right now was a friend. One who couldn't be chased off.
"No. It's clear that you are upset and this is not the time to meet with Niels." Picking up the phone, Kara connected to CIC. "Please inform the men guarding Sorensen that Doctor Scott's not feeling well and won't be able to meet with him today."
"Yes, ma'am. Do you want me to recall Doc Rios?" Kirkland asked, making the obvious assumption that Rachel was at death's door if she was willing to pause in her work.
"I have things under control at the moment," Kara quickly answered. Timothy was with the Captain, inoculating the survivors in the safe zone that they were visiting. If they contacted him, Captain Chandler would immediately know that something was amiss, giving Kara no opportunity to talk to Rachel. "I will let you know if the situation changes."
Having handled the practicalities and advised Kirkland what she was up to, Kara hung up. Turning to Rachel she forced a smile. "How about that cup of tea now?"
But Rachel was having none of it. Hands on hips, she stormed across the helicopter bay. "You don't know what you've done. There's no time, Kara! Every minute that we wait there are more people out there dying. This is the only way to get the information that I need. Don't you understand that?"
"What I understand is that you are the only person alive who can beat this thing and you can't do that if you don't take care of yourself. A hour break to get something to eat," Kara looked Rachel up and down, "and maybe take a nap and a shower, isn't going to make a difference."
"There's nothing else I can do, Kara." Rachel threw up her hands. "Why can't you understand that? Niels is the only one who can help now."
"He doesn't have the answer either!" Caroline interjected, rather to Kara's dismay. She would have preferred that the woman remain quiet given her tendency to say the absolutely wrong thing. "The man is stringing you along! He's not telling you anything new."
Rachel's eyes flashed. "Don't you think that I know that? I tricked Niels into confirming my theory on the mussels, just like I got him to admit the stabilization sequence. And I'll get the rest of what I need from him as soon as the two of your leave!"
Kara frowned, picking up on something that she had missed previously. "Why don't you want Caroline here when you talk to with Niels?"
"Niels prefers to work along," Rachel offered, her voice suddenly far less forceful, her eyes again darting to the small cooler sitting on her desk.
"See what I mean?" Caroline hissed. "He's manipulating her! It's classic brainwashing! He gets her alone. Strings her along. Convinces her that he's the only one who can give her the information that she needs until he he had her dancing on his string! Hell, it's probably all an Immune plan. Can you imagine what a coup it would be for them to tell the world that the woman who discovered the cure had joined them?"
Kara spared a moment to look at Rachel, who was clearly beyond furious at the suggestion that there might be any circumstances under which she would join with the men who took out the labs. "Um, Caroline, it may be better if you let me talk to Rachel..."
"And what is in that cooler you keep looking at?" Caroline demanded, storming across the chamber to open it despite protests from both Rachel and Kara - who had a strong enough sense of self-preservation to not go poking around Rachel's lab. "What the hell is this?"
As Caroline pulled out an IV bag, Rachel's face went white, and then red. However, her voice was calm when she spoke. "It's an extra IV bag for Niels."
"Unlabeled?" Caro demanded. She turned on Kara. "Is that standard practice here on the ship? Because where I come from that would be a really big goof."
"No," Kara replied carefully, glancing between the two women. "We always label the bags. It's grounds for getting written up."
"What is this really, Rachel?" Caroline demanded, shaking the bag.
Rachel reached for it, eyes wide. "Please be careful..."
Darting away, Caroline stuck the bag behind her back. "Why? What's in it? What are you doing?"
"Enough." Kara stepped between the two, suspecting that Caroline was about ten seconds away from getting punched. "Rachel, please tell us what is going on. We just want to help."
For a long moment Kara thought that Rachel wasn't going to answer, then she collapsed into her chair, eyes turning towards the picture of Doctor Hunter once again. "I've done everything I can, but it's not enough. I need that biopsy, but Niels continues to refuse."
"But didn't you just say that you have the stabilization sequence?" Kara asked uncertainly. "Why do you need the biopsy?"
"Because she's not talking about the nebulized cure," Caroline explained, and Kara noticed that she was bent over Rachel's laptop, having found the data that Rachel was examining earlier. Caroline straightened. "This is brilliant, Rachel."
Kara was baffled by the sudden turn in the conversation. "What?"
Caroline's voice was awed. "She's going to make the cure contagious."
"What?"
Rachel smiled faintly. "Think about how Niels spread the virus, Kara. All he had to do was breathe. Now imagine if we could make all of us contagious, just like Niels, but with the cure. No needles, no containers, no infrastructure, just one person infecting another. We could cure the world within months."
A sick feeling rose in Kara. "So, what, you were going to knock him out and take out part of his lung?"
"No." Caroline's voice was barely a whisper. "She was going to kill him."
"Caroline, that's absurd..."
"He deserves to die! The man killed five billion people. And now he's claiming that a minor operations is too risky? A procedure that could be used to save the remainder of the human race?" Rachel laughed, her voice almost hysterical. "Watching him die will be a pleasure."
Kara gasped, staring at Rachel. "You don't mean that."
"Oh, but I do. Watching the virus do to him what it did to so many, watching his last, noxious breath leave his body," Rachel paused, her hands balling into fists. "The only guilt I feel is for making it too easy. And, now, for involving the two of you. I didn't want to get blood on anyone else's hands."
Dumbstruck, Kara couldn't think of a single thing to say. This wasn't Rachel. This wasn't the woman she had grown to know over the past few months, the woman that would walk through hell to figure out a way to save humankind. Was she really capable of taking one in cold blood?
Caroline had no such problem. "No matter what he's done, no matter how much he deserved it, it isn't worth it."
"And who are you to tell me what is worth it?" Rachel retorted, her laughter almost cackling. "Men like Niels have no conscious. No moral compass. All they care about is themselves. Do you know that he still claims that it wasn't his fault? That if had just gotten the support he needed that his experiment would have worked?"
Her father. With a stroke of insight Kara understood that that this wasn't just about Niels or the virus or the cure. This was about a little girl who watched her mother die because her father refused to accept that he might not know best. Just like Niels, who was so confident that his vaccine would work that he injected himself with a vaccine that everyone around him knew was flawed.
And killed five billion people.
"I know because I've done it!" Silence descended on the room at Caroline's words. The woman crumpled into a chair. "Those guards who were holding Chris? I didn't put them to sleep. I told Dad that because I didn't want him to know what I really did. I gave them enough opioids to kill an elephant. On purpose. I didn't want them to wake up. I couldn't take the chance of them following us."
"You did what you had to do." Rachel responded, her voice flat. "Those people are monsters."
Caroline shook her head. "That's the thing. I know that I did the right thing. And I thought I didn't care but..."
"But you can't stop seeing their faces," Kara finished.
"Yes." Tears rolled down Caroline's face. "I keep seeing their faces and wondering about them. Did they know what Hamada had planned? Did they have families that they were trying to protect? Or were they just guys sent out to a college to collect a kid? We've seen so many people forced to do things they never would have done before, simply to survive. How are we any different? We say that we're doing the right thing, but how do we know that? How do we know that in five years we won't find out that what we did was just as wrong - as evil?"
"I wonder about Hamada," Kara admitted. "Amy Granderson wasn't always a bad person. A little self-centered, maybe, but not evil. Maybe Hamada wasn't either. Maybe he could have been saved, somehow. Firing a missile is easy. You never have to see the damage first-hand, just a video on a computer screen. But killing someone by hand. It's awful. I don't know how Danny lives with it."
Caroline turned to Rachel. "And that's why you can't kill Niels. I know that you think it will help but it won't. Even if you get the lung samples, have you thought about what will happen afterwards? Do you really think that President Michener will turn a blind eye to you killing Sorenson? That he'll let you keep working on the cure?"
"Captain Chandler will..." Rachel began, but Kara interrupted.
"Follow orders. Captain Chandler will follow lawful orders given to him by the President," Kara explained quietly.
"And even if President Michener did let you keep working," Caroline interjected, "what will people think about using the contagious cure, knowing that it was created through murder? That it violates every principle of medical ethics?"
Rachel paused, and Kara took advantage of the silence. "Please, Rachel, think about what you are suggesting. Killing Niels in cold blood. That's not who you are."
"We have the nebulized cure," Caroline inserted. "A cure that you made without compromising your beliefs, Rachel. Yes, maybe it will take longer, but it will work. And you never have to see Niels again."
"You know, your idea might still work." Both Caroline and Rachel's attention swung to Kara. "We can trick Niels into giving you the lung samples. Think. What does Niels want more than anything?"
"To see Rachel." There was a duh tone to Caroline's voice that Kara ignored.
"So you don't see him until he agrees to the biopsy. It maybe take a while, but Niels will get sick of talking to Walker and Johnson and agree eventually. And nothing says we can't lie to prisoners. So even if you agree to see him after the surgery, nobody will make you do it. In the meantime you can focus on production of the vaccine powder."
Rachel considered the idea. "That might just work."
"You have to tell Captain Chandler about this," Kara said softly. "Not all of it, but what you thought about doing. He needs to know how far Niels and Michener are pushing you."
The two women locked eyes, both remembering a different conversation not so long ago, back when Kara was the one with a secret.
Finally, Rachel nodded. "I'll talk to him when he returns."
Relief flooded Kara as she read the sincerity on Rachel's face. "Good, now I think it's time for that tea."
Twenty minutes later, convinced that Rachel was not going to change her mind the moment she left, Kara headed back towards CIC. But she was only a few steps down the pathway when Caroline caught her. Confirming that they were out of range from the guard, Caroline turned to Kara. "Are you going to tell anyone about, well, what I said?"
"No." The relief on Caroline's face was absolute - until Kara continued. "But I think you should talk to your family. It was self-defense Caroline. Those men kidnapped you. Whether or not they had reasons for what they did, you shouldn't feel guilty for doing what you needed to do. No jury in the world would convict you on those grounds."
Caroline hesitated, as though considering the words, before shaking her head. "I can't. I'm a nurse. I'm supposed to help people. I can't tell them that I killed people."
"Well, if you ever want to talk, let me know."
Caroline glanced away. "I should get back."
Kara watched Caroline disappear back into the lab, her mind spinning. Ignoring her aching back, she headed down the pathway again. She had a report to make to the XO, and even with ninety-nine percent of the details removed, nobody was going to like what she had to say.
