Losing Makoto
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Haru hadn't slept for 24 hours, he had barely eaten all day. What energy he had, he had used up completely in the race, along with any and all mental and emotional fortitude. So it was unsurprising that his teammates and fellow competitors met no resistance when he was pulled out of the water. He had passed out as soon as he feet hit solid ground and so rushed to the hospital. The doctors gave Haru a sedative so his overworked body could get some rest, while they restored much needed hydration and nutrients to Haru's body. Physically at least, they expected Haru to be fine in the morning. But as Rin stood outside Haru's room, watching him sleep, he wondered what's Haru's mental state would be come morning.
"You should get some rest yourself," said Shiori, as she walked-up to Rin with arms loaded with food, "We don't need you collapsing as well."
"I am not an idiot," replied Rin, as he took the food, "I am not going to collapse."
Shiori wasn't convinced but decided not to push it. Instead she asked, "Matsuoka-kun, who did you list as your next of kin? For Team Japan to contact I mean."
"My mom, why?" wondered Rin.
"Nanase-kun listed Makoto," Shiori revealed.
"What!"
"It caused quite a commotion when Team Japan realised that the Haru's next of kin was lying in a coma and no one had any idea who to contact given that Makoto was indisposed. They knew Nanase-kun's parents were in town, since he had asked for a late curfew to go have dinner with them twice, but they had no way of contacting them," Shiori sighed before continuing, "For their part, Mr and Mrs Nanase also had no way of contacting anyone but Makoto. I mean, they had their son's number and they had Makoto's number. Apparently Nanase-kun had decided that was all his parents needed to know."
"I take it that they found out Haru had collapsed from TV," guessed Rin.
Shiori nodded, "They had just returned to Seoul after spending a couple of day in Mt Seorak. They had returned in time for the medley relay finals and so innocently turned on the TV to watch their son swim and win. They had no idea Makoto was in a coma," she explained, "They watched him swim and post a personal best time for his leg, set a new world record as a consequence and then, they watched him collapse back into the water seemingly with a desire to drown himself then and there."
Rin shuddered. He hadn't seen what had happened. Indeed, he was carefully avoiding see replays of Haru's collapse but what he heard was enough to wring his heart. He could only imagine what Mr and Mrs Nanase was thinking. Especially if they had no idea why Haru was in the state that he was in.
"So they called Makoto's phone and got me instead," Shiori went on, "As soon as Mrs Nanase heard my voice she immediately asked if something had happened to Makoto and if that is why Nanase-kun had collapsed. When I explained Makoto was in a coma, she went into hysterics. She is convinced that if something happened to Makoto, Haru will never recover."
"It's true," Rin whispered, "Haru is like a deep river. On the surface he's all cold and stoic but that's only because of how deep his emotions runs. Makoto," Rin sighed, "Makoto is the base of the river that is Haru, always supporting the pace of Haru's journey," said Rin, "Right about now, Haru must be feeling as if he's losing his base."
"Don't be fatalistic," chided Shiori, "Makoto will wake-up."
"Oh I know Makoto will wake-up," said Rin with absolute conviction, "I believe in Makoto's inability to hurt the people he loves. He knows if he dies, he would break my heart, plunge Haru into the darkness of despair, destroy his siblings childhoods and condemn his parents to the special kind of living hell that people who lose their children endure," Rin of course, was thinking of his grandmother who had outlived her son and had never stopped grieving, "Makoto won't leave us. He too selfless for something that selfish."
"Dying is selfish?"
"I always thought so," said Rin, "But then, I have lost two, too many people to death. So maybe I am just biased."
Come morning, Mr and Mrs Tachibana insisted that Haru move in with them at their hotel. His father had forked out an obscene amount of money to secure two adjoining room. Haru didn't have the strength to refuse, especially when the doctors made it clear that due to concerns regarding his mental health, he would not be allowed to visit Makoto. Haru tried to protest but he was just too weak. One night's rest was apparently not enough for Haru to recover fully.
The part of him still capable of rational thought decided for now it was best to rest and recover and wait for salvation in the form Mr and Mrs Tachibana, who were arriving later in the day. Once they came, surely they would help Haru convince the doctors to let him be with Makoto and then… then Haru's mind went blank. He didn't know what he could do once he got to be with Makoto but he decided it that wasn't important right now. What was important was to get on the other side of that stupid glass and get to hold Makoto's hand again. That's all he wanted right now, to feel Makoto's big, warm hands in his.
"Interviewer: Let's talk about your life as a high school student. I'll ask first about the people in Iwatobi High School, okay? We'll begin with the captain, Tachibana Makoto-kun. How did you guys first meet?
Haru: …I don't remember. It was way back, even before kindergarten." - Character Interview Vol. 2, Nanase Haruka
Cat Haru and Cat Rin were sleeping peacefully for now. They were inside the tent, which Makoto had fixed and were curled-up on Makoto's chest as Makoto found himself lying down and staring blankly at the tent canvas. Makoto was happy to have the cats, it would have been really lonely just being by himself. He was already despairing as he still had no idea how to get out of here. He knew he was dreaming/sleeping and so had to wake-up but how?
"This is my punishment," he said to himself again, "For hurting Haru and Rin. Maybe I am supposed to stay here and just die," but he couldn't just die. Not because he was afraid of death. No, what he was afraid of was the consequences for those left behind should he just give-up and stay on his island forever. He imagined his parents, the twins at his funeral and he just knew he couldn't give-up.
He had to wake-up, even if he woke-up into a world where Haru and Rin had both left him behind and moved on. That was a possibility. Makoto had no idea how long he had been on his lonely island. There was no way to tell time here. He didn't even get hungry or thirsty. For all he knew he could have been here for only a few minutes and when he woke-up, he would still be at the club. But there was also a chance he might wake-up and find that years have gone past. Years in which even his family would have forged new routines around the fact that he was asleep, most likely in a hospital.
He could imagine it now, his mother coming everyday and checking on him. Watching in dismay as his body degenerated from long periods of inactivity. Maybe she and his father might be debating turning off whatever machine was keeping him alive. Fighting over his fate… he didn't want that. His parents never fought, ever! When one got angry, the other would just leave the room, sometimes the house until they both calmed down and then they would talk quietly over tea, then proceed to traumatise their kids by failing to keep quiet as they had make-up sex.
Well, at least Makoto had been traumatised as a kid. By the time the twins were old enough to be traumatised, Makoto was old enough to read the signs of imminent trauma and always made sure to take the twins away to either Haru's house or in the very least, mask the them by playing loud videos or music. Makoto didn't want his parents marriage being destroyed because of him.
"Maybe life would have been better for everyone if I had never been born," Makoto was sure if he thought the words or if he spoke the words out loud but Cat Haru and Cat Rin seemed to respond to the words by viciously scratched him.
"Hey!" he sat-up abruptly, annoyed at his rough treatment only to find that the cats, the tend and the island had all disappeared. Instead he was on Iwatobi beach and facing the stone steps that ran along side his and Haru's house!
Makoto got to his feet and ran up the stairs. His house was first… but was it really his house? Where were his mother's plants? Why did the sign say 'Yamamoto' and not Tachibana? Makoto knocked on the door, a very, very old woman answered, "Can I help you?" she asked.
"Sorry to disturb you," Makoto said, "But I was looking for the Tachibana family. They are supposed to live in this house"
"I am sorry but I don't know anyone by that name," said the woman before closing the door. Somehow, Makoto wasn't surprised by the response.
"Haru!" thought Makoto as he headed back-up the stairs. Now knowing that this must be a reality where he didn't exist. What was Haru like? Was he fine without Makoto? What had changed for Haru? Did he still swim?
Makoto knocked on the door of the Nanase household. Haru's mother answer, "Can I help you?" she asked in her soft polite voice.
"Ah," now that Makoto was face to face with Mrs Nanase, he realised that he had made a terrible miscalculation, how was he supposed to ask about a boy he didn't know? Makoto decided to not overthink it and just go with the first thing that occurred to him, "Sorry to bother you but I am a friend of Haru from school. I was wondering if he was home."
She gave him a strange look full of suspicion, "Haruka doesn't have any friends. He hasn't been to school in years!"
"Wha… what are you saying aunty!" in his distress forgetting all about how he doesn't exist in this world, "Why would Haru not have friends? Why would Haru not go to school? It doesn't make any sense!" Makoto insisted, "I mean, it's not like he's a hikikomori! He likes his alone time and isn't the type of people who have loads of friends. But that's because Haru doesn't care for swallow connections. But he still get's lonely, so he wouldn't just stay by himself all the time right? And why would he have to? He's a wonderful person and the best friend a person could ever have! Why would he… why would he hide away and not share his wonderful self with the world?" demanded Makoto.
Mrs Nanase stood in silence for a good long moment before finally saying, "Haruka is a hikikomori. Has been since middle school. Nobody has ever taken the time to get to know my son. He has never had a single friend. I don't know who you are but if this is some kind of prank then you can go tell your friends…"
"No, no, you got it all wrong!" said Makoto, "I am Haru's friend! I can prove it! Um… Haru's favourite food is mackerels, he loves water, he loves swimming but he only swims freestyle, he's really good at drawing and he loves drawing underwater scenes. He loves cats and his favourite colour is purple and that's why all his jammers have purple…"
"Haru can't swim," said Mrs. Nanase.
Makoto was floored, "What!"
"You got everything else right," conceded Mrs. Nanase, "I am not sure how but it is true that Haru only eats mackerels and loves the strays around the neighbourhood enough to share his mackerels with them every night in the garden. He also loves soaking in the tub for hours. I thought that meant he might enjoy swimming and so when he was young I tried to get him swimming lessons but it didn't work out."
"Eh…" that's right, Haru and his first swimming lessons had come from Makoto's father. Who had taken them to the community pool while they were still in kindergarten to teach them to swim. Then it had been Makoto's idea to join the Iwatobi Swim Club so they could get even better at swimming. It was also Makoto that took the lead in taking active part in their schools swimming related activities. Swimming was something they always did together.
"As for his drawing," Mrs Nanase sighed, "It has never helped Haruka. In play school he would just sit and draw by himself, ignoring the other kids," she explained.
Makoto flashed back to kindergarten, of sitting with Haru for hours just watching him draw, "Haru-chan is really good at drawing!" his younger self would often coo.
Even if he wasn't watching Haru draw, he was sitting with Haru as Makoto himself read, or tried to draw or played with some toy or another. Eventually, Haru didn't just sit by himself and draw but also playing with Makoto. Come to think of it, Haru even started getting jealous when Makoto wasn't paying Haru attention and often playing with others in groups, just because Makoto was. Erase Makoto and Haru was alone, drawing endlessly all by himself.
"Sometimes I wish I had smashed his hands so he couldn't hold a brush," Haru's mother confessed, "Maybe then he wouldn't have found it so easy to shut out the world! Damn you!" she said suddenly angry with Makoto, "I don't know who you are but damn you! Damn you for your lies of being my son's friend! My son doesn't have any friends. Maybe if he did…" she couldn't continue.
"I am not lying," but Mrs Nanase wasn't listening. She slammed shut the door. Makoto could hear her locking it. But still, Makoto felt eyes on him. He looked-up to see Haru looking down on him from the corner of his window, the curtains opened just enough for Makoto to get glimpse of his thin, gaunt, muscle-less frame. Haru shut the curtains and moved away as soon as Makoto made eye contact.
How much had he heard? This Haru who didn't know Makoto. Did this Haru wonder how Makoto knew those facts about him? Was he wondering what it would like to be able to swim and really be one with the water that he loved, even in this reality? "Haru," whispered Makoto, suddenly wanting to bust down the door, rush upstairs and… and what? This Haru wouldn't welcome him.
With nothing to do and no sense in being obstinate, Haru had gone back to sleep after an hour long soak in the bath straight after moving into the hotel room. His parents had gathered his stuff from the athletes village and that was good enough for Haru. He didn't even bother checking to see if they got everything.
His mother came-in at someone point with a large brunch and made him eat before letting him get back to sleep and escape into dreams full of Makoto. In the afternoon, his mother returned. This time with Ren, Ran and Rin.
"Haru-chan!" cried the twins as they flung themselves on Haru, "They wouldn't let us see Onii-chan!" Ran informed him.
"Onii-chan is going to be okay, right?" asked Ren.
"Of course he is," Rin said, "Haven't I told you that already? Your Onii-chan loves you too much to die," he assured them.
"What are you doing with them, Rin?" wondered Haru, his jealousy flaring up because damn it, all Tachibana belonged to him!
"I was in the hospital when Mr and Mrs Tachibana arrived," said Rin, too tired to even notice Haru's less than friendly tone, "The arrived at the hospital straight from the airport but when they got their the doctors suggested it wasn't a good idea to let the twins see Makoto the way he was. Plus they had a lot of things to discuss with just them. So I offered to look after them. Shiori-san suggested I bring them to you since they were asking for you."
"We wanted to see Haru-chan," Ran told him.
"We saw Haru-chan collapse in the pool!" Ren explained, "It was scary!"
"I am sorry," said Haru, hugging the twins tight, "I am sorry for scaring you. It's just that," tears started to roll down Haru's cheeks, he was crying. He was actually crying. He couldn't even remember the last time he cried, "It's just that I got to the end and Makoto wasn't there to pull me out of the pool and I," he hugged them tighter, "I didn't want to leave the water if there was no Makoto waiting for me on land." Neither Rin nor the twins had any response to that.
Makoto walked aimlessly down the streets of Iwatobi, wondering why he was still here. He got the message. He couldn't just erase is near constant presence in Haru's life and assume Haru would just be fine. So why was he still here?
"Stop it!" begged a small, pitiful voice, "Please just leave me alone!"
Nagisa? Makoto looked around and yes, it was Nagisa. A very scrawny Nagisa who didn't seem to have an ounce of confidence, let alone the mischievous cheerfulness of the Nagisa he knew. But then again, he was being shoved up against a building by a bunch of delinquents.
"What's the matter Nagi-chan? I thought you liked sucking on sausage!" with that he took a bunch of raw sausages and stuffed them in Nagisa's mouth!
"Hey!" Makoto didn't like violence and was always weary of using his body as a weapon. He had good reason too. He was six feet of pure muscles. He could do some serious damage if he wasn't careful but damn it, they were hurting Nagisa! "Leave him alone!" he said as he carefully but firmly, pulled the delinquent shoving sausages in Nagisa's mouth away from him.
Nagisa spit out the sausage bits as all the delinquents focused on Makoto, "What the fuck dude!" demanded the delinquent Makoto had pulled away from Nagisa, "Don't tell me, your a fag too?"
Makoto blinked, "You were picking on Nagisa because he's gay? That's… that's disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself. I mean, it's not like Nagisa being gay effects you guys or anything," Makoto told them, "Also you should wash your hands," he said, eyeing the delinquents soiled hands, "If you don't wash-up properly after handling raw meat, you can get food poisoning.'
Delinquent spat at Makoto's feet, "Do we look like the kind of people who care about getting good poisoning?" he demanded to know.
"You should," replied Makoto, "Food poisoning can be very serious issue. If you are lucky, you might just get a runny tummy from food poisoning but if you are really unlucky you can end-up in the hospital or worse! You don't want to die do you?"
"Are you threatening me?" demanded the delinquent.
"No, no," insisted Makoto, "I am just suggesting you go wash your hands and don't skimp on the soap. Because just washing your hands with water won't do any good when preventing germ transfer from raw meat. You really have to lather the soap to get your hands really clean."
"Are you for fucking real?"
"I have no idea what you mean by that," conceded Makoto, a little sheepishly.
"Let's get out of here," said one of the other delinquents, "This guy is creeping me out!"
"Tha… thank you," said Nagisa, as the delinquents left.
"You should wash out your mouth with a good strong mouthwash, Nagisa," suggested Makoto, "Let's go get one of those travel size ones for the convenience store," he reached into his pockets and much to his relief, found he had his wallet and so, hopefully, cash, "And we'll also get some strawberry milk. They are your favourite, right?"
Nagisa nodded, "But how did you know?" he wondered.
"Don't worry about the details," said Makoto, it was a line the Nagisa he knew would say but for now, Makoto felt it was the most appropriate response.
When Makoto was able to coax Nagisa's story out of him, it was obvious what had went horribly wrong. Nagisa was used as a living doll by his sisters at home and bullied at school because of his name and also because he was one of the smallest boys around. His father had told him to get strong and so he had enrolled in Iwatobi Swim Club but one the first day of his training, Nagisa had opened his bag to find that his sisters had played a prank and replaced his swimsuit with one of theirs. Nagisa had been humiliated and refused to swim or to go back.
In Makoto's world, Haru had been there to lend Nagisa his swimming trunks and to wear the girl's swimsuit Nagisa's sisters had slipped him and still go out and swim. Because, as Haru had told Nagisa, "Being a girl or a boy doesn't matter when you're in the water. What you wear doesn't matter. As long as I can swim… as long as I can feel the water… that's all that matters."
It had changed Nagisa's life. What had Nagisa said? "Haru-chan wasn't embarrassed by it at all and he wore the swimsuit without hiding himself… He was really cool! When I saw him, I felt that everything that was troubling me really wasn't that important after all," and also, "Even while wearing the swimsuit, Haru-chan's swimming was really pretty and it made me think that I wanted to be strong like him. I wanted to swim freely like he does."
Nagisa had stayed at the club, had gotten stronger. Had gotten more confident. But the Haru of this world didn't swim. Wasn't there in the locker room to inspire Nagisa. End result, this Nagisa was a depressed and bullied lonely teen. The one friend Nagisa did have, apparently got creeped out when Nagisa came-out to him and not only stopped hanging out with Nagisa but also outed him to their entire school. Making the bullying that much worse.
"I wish you were my friend," Nagisa said suddenly, "I mean," Nagisa seemed to panic when he realised what he had let slip, "You are really cool and nice and handso…" Nagisa's panic seemed to intensify, "I don't mean it like that! I mean, II am not coming on to you!" it might have occurred to Nagisa that Makoto might take that in the wrong way and scrambled to assure him, "I mean, I do find you attractive but I am not coming on to you or anything and I don't mean that I wish you were my boyfriend, I just wish you were my friend. Although you would probably make a great boyfriend too but," maybe it occurred to Nagisa that he was just digging himself deeper, "Please don't hate me!" Nagisa begged.
Makoto laughed, "It's okay, Nagisa," he assured him, "I am used to both men and women finding me hot and wanting me to be their boyfriend. Unless they are obsessively stalking me or something creepy like that, it honestly doesn't bother me."
"It… doesn't?" asked Nagisa. Makoto shook his head. Nagisa welled-up, "I really, really, really wish you were my friend!"
Before Makoto could say anything or do anything to comfort Nagisa, he heard an achingly familiar voice behind him go, "Yo, are you the mother hen that gave my boys a lesson in sanitisation?"
Makoto turned around to come face to face with, "Rin!"
"After Haru got home from school, he would shove everything he needed into his bag and then hurry out of the foyer. After descending the stone steps, he would look up at Makoto's house. Makoto's house was pressed in close, facing the stone steps, and the stairs leading up to its entryway stretched to meet the base of shrine's stairway. Usually he timed it so that he could meet up with Makoto and his smile." - Chapter 2, High Speed!
Mr and Mrs Tachibana had picked-up Ran and Ren, promising Haru and Rin that they would talk to the doctors about letting them enter Makoto's room. They both felt that the isolation in which Makoto was being kept was prolonging his coma. It was a thoroughly unscientific assertion since they couldn't offer any logical reason as to why Makoto being kept in a silent room would be prolonging his coma. It was just a feeling that Makoto who was used to a lively home, of being around Haru and lately around Rin, who had not liked living alone in Tokyo but endured it because he needed to do it to build the future he wanted, probably wasn't getting the stimulation he needed to wake-up separated from those he loved by that cold glass wall.
After Ran and Ren left, Rin was set to leave too. But Haru suggested dinner and unsurprisingly, after dinner they ended-up at the hotel pool. Rin choose to sit by the poolside, dangling his feet into the water, while Haru just floated on his back with a sad pensive look on his face.
"I bet you regret ever meeting me now," said Rin, suddenly.
"Rin!" Haru exclaimed, righting himself and floating upright.
"I mean, its partly my fault Makoto's in the coma," Rin said, "If I hadn't fallen for Makoto, if I hadn't kissed him, Makoto would have been his usual serene self. Shinji wouldn't have even thought to 'help' by slipping him drugs. Makoto wouldn't be in a coma."
Haru stayed silent for awhile, giving the impression that he agreed but in reality he was just gathering his thoughts before he swam over to Rin, coming to rest his forearms beside him even as he kept his body submerged, "I was escaping into the water back in elementary school," he confessed, "I was escaping from all my trouble but also my connections. I thought it made me a strong person. I was stupid."
"I actually did a lot of stupid things in back then. When I left for swim club, after getting home from school, I would carefully time it so I could meet-up with Makoto. But then when he was running late I wouldn't wait," Haru went on, "I would tell myself that there was no need to wait since we never planned to meet-up. I would tell me it was better for both of us if I just went ahead rather than wait for Makoto to be done with whatever, usually the twins, and get irritated from waiting. I was a terrible human being," Haru declared.
"Ha…" started Rin but Haru interrupted him.
"It was also stupid. I didn't need a reason to wait for Makoto other then I wanted to wait for Makoto. I wanted to go to swim practice with him. I wanted to be with him but in my misguided attempt to be strong, I was being stupid. But when you made me swim that relay, I ended-up forming connections in the water," Haru explained, "With you, with Nagisa but most importantly with Makoto. I never swam anything competitively but free and Makoto didn't want to compete against me so he never swam free. We couldn't be rivals. If you hadn't come along we wouldn't be teammates either," said Haru, "But most importantly, Rin, if we hadn't met, I would still be running away into the water. So whatever happens, Rin, I'll never regret meeting you."
"Not even what happened with us in middle school?" asked Rin.
"In a way that was good too," said Haru, "It made me remember that Makoto wasn't my friend because I was this amazing swimmer. Makoto didn't care if I swam or if I didn't. Makoto wasn't going to leave me just because I stopped living life and just started killing time. Makoto..." Haru started shaking.
"Haru!" Rin grabbed Haru's arm but stopped from pulling him out just yet but being ready to do so if it seemed necessary.
"Makoto is supposed to always be with me! He's supposed to be… He's supposed be HERE!" he snatched his arm away from Rin and dived under, swimming away. Rin let him but continued to watch him to make sure he was… that Haru just wanted to swim.
"Rin!" cried Makoto again, but was this really Rin? The redhead that stood before him looked like a punk, complete with the hoodlum look and many, many piercings. Well at least Rin was as handsome as ever, piercings, punk outfit and all.
"How do you know my name, mother hen?" wondered Rin with a sneer.
Makoto burst out laughing, he couldn't help it, Rin was clearly trying to be ferocious but he was just sort of cute, "What so funny!" demanded Rin.
"I am sorry," said Makoto, trying to get is laugh under control, "I know you are trying to be scary but you are Rinrin and Rinrin's more a kitty then a tiger. So..."
Rin just looked taken back now, "How… who told you that name? Tell me! I owe them a beating!"
"Nevermind that but why did you call those delinquents your 'boys'?" wondered Makoto.
"They are peeps, my crew," said Rin.
"Rin, have you been listening to too much rap music again?"
"Shut up! And I asking the questions here!"
"Well you just asked one question and I think you pretty much figured that answer is yes by now," replied Makoto, "But what are you doing with a bunch of delinquents? Shouldn't you be swimming to get a place in the Olympics?"
"How did you…" Rin started before deciding to just answer, "I quit swimming."
"But why?" wondered Makoto, "Rin's an amazing swimmer and started swimming Sano. Rin wouldn't be affected if I never existed and Haru didn't take-up swimming. Right? Because Rin would still go to Australia and form a relay team in Iwatobi Swim Club just before going to Australia. Rin would be okay right?" insisted Makoto.
"I don't know how you know all this but I didn't make a relay team," replied Rin, "I did transfer to Iwatobi Elementary and Iwatobi Swim Club just before I left for Australia. I did want to make a relay team and win, just like…" Rin cut off.
"Like your father," Makoto supplied.
Rin glared at Makoto but continued, "Yes but I never made the team. I didn't want just any team. I wanted a great team! But there wasn't anyone in Iwatobi Swim Club good enough for me to make a team with. Unsurprising really, I was always wiping the ground with Iwatobi trash," said Rin.
"That's right", thought Makoto, "Haru in free and me in breaststroke were the only ones who would win against Rin in the meets. Everybody else lost. Because Rin was so awesome."
"No wonder I couldn't do anything in Australia," Rin went on, "Feh, I couldn't even form a relay team and I thought I could get to the Olympics."
"I am sorry," said Makoto suddenly, "I am sorry, Rin! I am sorry that I can't stop screwing-up! If I exist I screw-up by being a wishy-washy guy who is too nice. If I don't exist, then Haru becomes a hikikomori and doesn't take-up swimming. Doesn't save Nagisa. Doesn't help you win the relay and become your rival and your friend! I am sorry! I am so sorry!" and just like that, Makoto was back on the deserted island. The cats at his feet, the ocean before him.
"One at a time and for no longer than five minutes," said the doctor.
"You go first Haru-chan," said Mrs Tachibana. Haru took the offer at face value and didn't even try to be polite and suggest someone else should go simply nodded and headed in.
"Makoto," he whispered once he was inside, willing himself to move nearer to Makoto even as the sight of him, lying in bed with those wiring coming off him, repulsed Haru because that's not how it should be! "Makoto," he called again, "Please wake-up. Please! I don't care any more who you choose to love romantically. Rin, Aki, your favourite orca plushie Ori-chan, whoever and whatever, I'll be okay with it. Even if my heart breaks, I'll deal with it. Just please wake-up and return to my side. Even if I can just be your best friend, as long as I get to stay with Makoto forever, I'll be happy! So please," begged Haru, "Please just wake-up!"
Back on his island, surrounded by the pitch black sea, Makoto heard haru. "Haru," he whispered back, shocked at the layers and layers of emotions dripping of Haru's tone. Haru was not being stoic now and suddenly, Makoto understood.
"Haru," he called out, "Haru! I am afraid. I have to go into this ocean. I have to swim in it. No, I have to dive under. That's the way out! I think I have always known it, the way to get out of this place. But Haru! I am afraid, I am so afraid!"
"I'll always swim with you," continued Haru's disembodied voice, sounding as if it was coming from very far away, "Because it's… IT'S MEANINGLESS WITHOUT YOU."
Makoto found himself laughing, "You sound embarrassed Haru-chan. I want to see your face," said Makoto suddenly, "I want to see what kind of cute face you are making!" and with that thought, Makoto walked into the sea. The sea that represented Haru's all encompassing love that wanted to engulf Makoto and keep him all to itself.
It was awful, big and scary but it was also beautiful, at least below the surface. Just like Haru, you had to dive deep to see the light and there was light. Countless star like lights that illuminated the depths but could not be seen from the surface. The enticed Makoto down, down, down below until a pair of light filled arms, familiar and unfamiliar at the sametime, wrapped around him and pulled him down until all the air left Makoto's lungs and he surrendered completely to whatever fate awaited him.
The machines were beeping. The doctors and nurses rushed in. They pushed Haru away, ordered him out. But how was he supposed to leave? "Makoto!" Haru screamed, even as someone tried to drag him away.
"Makoto! Makoto!" Rin was screaming from outside the room.
"Onii-chan! Don't die!" the twins begged, also from outside the room.
"Makoto!" Haru yelled, holding on to the door frames, not wanting to be thrown completely out, even though he knew he was probably getting in the way, distracting the doctors but he was so afraid! Afraid that if he left the room, then he would never get to see Makoto again! "MAKOTO!"
"Haru… ka."
Author's note: Happy Valentines! So this chapter got out of hand but that's unsurprising given my brain insisted on inserting the whole "Makoto doesn't exist alternate universe" in the last freaking minute! Damn you brain! Hope its not complete crap!
Anyway, I referenced it a couple of chapters back but once again, the Nagisa and Haru meeting for the first time story comes from the Drama CD #1, track 5. Nagisa also explains about the bullying in that track but his sisters using him as a living doll comes from FrFr! #2