Warning: Stories contain the author's attempts to explore the persona of a character he certainly doesn't understand. Gross errors incoming.

Seriously, this is gonna be rough.

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Season 3, Episode 9

Side A

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A shivering man sat at a table, hands folded on the surface before him. The prison's visiting area was quiet and spacious, so any slight sound echoed off the white walls. His fingers twitched, and he busied himself by looking down at the table itself, trying to calm his breathing. Occasionally, he glanced at the empty chair on the other side.

The door opened.

A figure strolled into the room, casually taking his time before lightly hopping over the back of the chair and landing in a seated position. In the same movement, he leaned forward and rested his chin in his hands. "Hey," he said with the barest hint of a smirk.

The man's eyes went wide. "No," he rasped. "Not you." Shaking his head wildly, he stood up and winced in pain when his knee clanged against the underside of the table. "I'm not- Ow. I'm not talking to you."

"Oh, what a shame." Voice dripping with sarcasm, he chuckled. "And here I thought we were gonna catch up and be friends."

"Look, just- just leave me alone." The man backed up a few steps, not daring to look away. "They won't let you hurt me. They'll... I can make them throw you out!" He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

"Hurt you? No. Like I said, I just want to catch up." Bright eyes glinted, meeting the prisoner's frantic gaze. "Let's talk."

He pressed his hands to the sides of his head, shaking even more. "Shut up."

A short laugh made him scowl. "Not gonna happen. I'm told I talk way too much." The figure grinned. "So... Don. Can I call you Don? Seems to fit better now, anyway."

The man was silent. Rolling his eyes, his questioner exhaled loudly. "Calm down, dude. I just wanna ask you a few things." Pausing for a moment, he glanced back up. "...Have you been to a hospital?"

"What?"

"Duh. The chemicals." The smile was gone now, and the figure on the other side of the table seemed much more serious. "Did you find a way to get rid of that stuff, or is it still floating around and causing trouble?"

He glared. "I haven't had time, thanks to you and your friends," he spat.

A shrug. "Fair enough. Bit of advice, though- don't wait. Heck, just tell someone you're feeling sick or whatever. Eventually, they'll run a few tests, find the bits that shouldn't be there, and it'll all be back to normal."

"...Normal." Visibly angry, he strode forward, planting his hands down on the table. "Maybe I don't want 'normal' anymore," he said with venom. "Maybe I'll stick with what I have."

A calm face stared back at him. "Why?"

A beat passed. Blinking, the man tried to regain his momentum, growling and slamming his fist down. "To be stronger!" he yelled. "Because that- that thing had more power than I've ever imagined. And if you were stupid enough to give that up, then-"

Suddenly, his breath caught. "You... you don't have it anymore," he said slowly, making the connection. "I can take that power, whenever I want, and be a hundred times stronger than you'll ever be! I don't need to be afraid of you."

His voice dropped to a whisper. "You should be afraid of me."

For a moment, the words echoed in the empty space. A fluorescent light flickered and dimmed before returning to full brightness. The man suddenly felt like the room was quieter than it should be.

Without warning, another laugh rang out.

"Not even close, Don."

He was looking down again, eyes partially hidden. "You know what's the really sad part?" he said quietly, almost like he was talking to himself. "I let you get in my head, man. You have no idea how mad I was, back at that first fight. All this garbage you're spouting... it got to me. I was so obsessed with being better than you, stronger than you, that I never realized that I was practically becoming you."

"That's why we both ended up howling at the moon, dude. At that moment, we were exactly the same." A brief look of guilt, even shame, passed over his face. "And that's how we ended up here, too."

"But guess what? I have something you don't. I have friends who are willing to stick with me, even when I mess up. Even when I do something that hurts them. And they helped me realize that I don't need to prove anything- not to you, and definitely not to me. Strength doesn't have anything to do with muscles, man."

He hadn't spoken loudly, but the weight of the words seemed to demand silence. For a second, the man was flustered, completely unsure of how to respond. Then he cleared his throat. "Sure," he sneered. "Well, I'm glad you had your little moment of zen, but-"

"They also told me I should let this go." There was an edge to his voice now, and the statement cut through his own attempt at bravado, falling into place with finality. He sounded more confident, as if he had never had any doubt who was in control here. "They said I need to... move on."

The bright eyes flickered up at him. "But I don't always listen to my friends."

Hands splayed on the table, the figure slowly rose. "There's one other way we're different, you know. One thing that really sets you apart. And I can't stop thinking about it. An idea I can't get rid of, you know what I'm saying?"

Visibly nervous, the prisoner tried to speak again. "I- I don't-"

"You attacked Raven."

He was moving around the table now. Without thinking, the man took a step backwards. "Can you remember what I looked like?" The soft voice asked. "Can you see it, in your mind- the monster, standing there, ready to fight you? Here, I'll help you out. He's big. Towering. Covered by shadows, so you can't even see all of him. His legs are strong enough to jump over buildings. His arms can crush bones. The teeth can shred through skin like paper. The howl sounds like a dying scream."

Closer now, he kept walking, forcing the man to back up even further. "His eyes are blank. Know why? Because he's not thinking. He's not feeling, and he's not even really seeing you. He's locked in, and all he cares about is instinct. Fight. Protect. Destroy. Win. And the claws... they're like knives, man. They catch the light, so even if you can't see him, you can still see those claws, razor-sharp, and you know- more sure than you've ever been in your life- you know those claws are coming for you."

Before he knew it, he was pressed against the white wall, and the threats were coming from a visage only inches away from him. "And I can let it out. You know I can. And you would just be... you."

He moved.

It was instantaneous. A flicker, barely even a suggestion of motion. A feint. A wider eye, a tightened jaw, a fist uncurling into claws... or had the man just imagined it? But he was cowed, flinching, rearing back so quickly that he lost his balance and collapsed unceremoniously to the ground, where he desperately tried to scramble away along the base of the wall. His frame was trembling, and his jaw seemed locked in place, as though the fear was so great he couldn't bring himself to cry out.

From above, his tormentor looked... surprised. And then something darker flashed in his expression, as though this was something he hadn't considered, something harsher than he had intended. That moment of hesitation passed, and he leaned down to grab the prisoner's shirt collar. "One last thing," he growled, but there was a wavering in his voice. "I heard what you said. I saw how you acted, even before you tried to hurt her. And if you so much as look at Raven again..."

He held him there for a second, then stood abruptly. Once again, a kind of fear was present in his face, and he was clearly trying to cover it with anger. "Well, I've heard hospital beds are more comfortable than prison cots." He blinked, as if he'd forgotten something. "And that's only if she doesn't get to you first."

"Yeah." He couldn't sink any lower, but he pressed his head against the wall and didn't move. "Yeah, yeah, I got it. Just- God, just leave me alone. Please, don't-"

A noise stopped him. He looked up to see the figure shaking, visibly trembling, and watched him throw one of the chairs across the room before stalking towards the exit. One of the guards tried to intercept him at the doorway, probably in response to the violent confrontation in the visiting area, but he just brushed past.

A brief argument in the hall outside the room faded into quiet. The door closed, and the man was left to his own thoughts. He blinked, slowly getting to his feet, and tried to focus on anything but the memories echoing in his mind.

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Side B

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Things were different, after.

They shouldn't have been. Beast Boy knew that the team had seen stranger things than this. And while the thoughts of 'what if they all hate me' had briefly crossed his mind, he hadn't dwelt on it too much. They were way too good of friends for that. Too good of people, really.

Still, things were different. Maybe it was only in his head, but little things seemed to pop up- edges and tones in their voices, or glances at and away from him. And of course, even though he knew they weren't valid, the worried thoughts followed quickly: that they wouldn't trust him fully anymore. That they couldn't look his way without, at least for a moment, seeing something else. That he'd never be able to talk to anyone, even Cyborg, and just feel normal again.

Cyborg had been the worst, in fact. Only a day had passed, and Beast Boy had snuck up on his friend in the Tower's main room, intending to jump onto his shoulders while he watched TV. But he'd been too loud, and Cyborg turned to greet him with a grin, and there on his chest were the gash marks.

He hadn't forgotten about his actions before the transformation. But to have the gouges in the metal staring back at him, jagged and deep scratches in a perfect row... it was enough to stun him into silence for a few seconds.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Forgot about this. I was gonna get it buffed out- I'll probably do it tomorrow."

That was it. Simple. Dismissive, like it didn't even bother him. But Beast Boy couldn't stop thinking about it, even though his friend didn't seem to be acting any differently (yes he is, he's freaking out, his voice is different and he's glaring at me and I can't fix what I did), because it was so troubling. What had he even been mad about? A video game? Yeah, that was it- an argument in front of the screen, a couple of angry yells, and suddenly claws had torn with enough force to... do that.

The anger didn't come out of nowhere, though. It had actually felt familiar.

That was- that was wrong. Something about all this was just wrong. All the recent events, really. He pored over them in his memory, trying to form a coherent picture: he'd fought Adonis, encountered the chemicals, had his personality change wildly and hurt his friends, and then the Beast had had his day.

What was missing?

Talking with Raven helped. Really, it did. But she spoke about the Beast like she knew him, like she understood him. As if this creature- this side of himself he'd never seen before- was as real and prominent as the Beast Boy they all knew and loved. How could that be? How could this monster make sense to her? How could she know?

He passed Robin in the hallway, and a scowl warped over his face.

What was going on?

He flew beside Starfire in battle, and couldn't bring himself to say a word to her.

Thinking, thinking, wondering-

He laughed at one of Cyborg's jokes, stopping when fear struck him like a physical blow, unable to explain why he was on the verge of tears.

It was tearing at his mind. He tried to forget it all, or at least not think about it, but the stress and the anger kept coming back, over and over, and it never made any sense. Then, out of the blue, a passing remark from Raven lodged itself in his memory.

A standard mission. They weren't even at the site yet- Robin had sent the three flying members ahead to scout the area, and Beast Boy had made a comment about 'birds of a feather' or something. Just a joke. He could barely even remember it.

Raven had shot it down quickly, deriding both the joke and Beast Boy as stupid.

Again, routine. Nothing but banter- Cyborg dished out worse insults in his sleep. But something had risen up in Beast Boy, urging him to be angry, more angry than the situation deserved. To demand she apologize. Prideful, resentful, and furious.

Suddenly, it clicked into place, and he nearly fell from the sky when he realized it.

The chemicals didn't create a different side of him, one that changed his attitude and took control. It was worse. They brought something out that was already there. A demand for respect, a desire to put himself first, and an anger that wasn't anyone else's- it was his own, and it was real, buried under blind assurances. Of course he cared more for his friends than for himself. He'd never hold a grudge. No way he'd take teasing personally.

Ideas and traits he fashioned idly in his own mind, never looking any more closely. Never wondering if the more worrying pieces of his identity were as solid and important as the bright, happy, fun-loving side. Maybe he pushed them down. Forgot them, even.

Maybe everyone did.

Sometimes.

Raven put him down, going too far. Robin dismissed him. Cyborg made fun of him, taking jabs at everything about him.

...Sometimes.

Beast Boy knew it wasn't so simple- a misunderstood kid finally getting mad at bullies. They were nothing like that, honestly. But the worry, now pulling at him with a darker insistence than before, was that his actions with the harmful chemicals were a distortion of the way he really did feel. Even Starfire- well, she'd probably never truly mistreated him, but he could remember times when he'd clearly and distinctly thought, "Who cares what she's worried about? My problems are way more important."

Pride, anger, and jealousy.

Was he a bad person? A bad friend?

...

Questions with no resolution.

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In some ways, nothing really changed. The Titans trained, went on missions, and explored the city. They talked and laughed and squabbled, and life went on. And sometimes, Beast Boy told himself that things weren't different at all.

Sometimes.

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Scrapped idea: What was Robin thinking this whole time? More importantly, why did he hesitate for that brief moment? There's a scene where Beast Boy is being interrogated in that chair, and he's clearly about to transform into the Beast- but Robin keeps Starfire and Cyborg from rushing to help. It's almost as if he wanted it to happen; but why would that be? (Scrapped because, let's face it, this update was taking long enough without throwing in a third story. And I didn't really come up with an answer.)

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...Good God. That episode.

I want to make it clear: these are just my ideas about Beast Boy. I could be completely wrong. I'm trying to analyze and understand a character when I haven't watched the entire show, but even if I had, it's still very possible that this would just be some random fan's interpretation. So if you're reading the stories and getting annoyed that I have this all wrong, you're probably right. But I'd also caution you not to take it too seriously, since again, I'm one random fan.

Or heck, for all I know, some of these ideas might be right, but obvious to everyone.

That said, what do you guys think about this episode? What does the inclusion of the Beast tell us about our favorite green dork? Does this change things with the rest of the Titans? I'm curious to hear what you more experienced fans have to say.

For me, though, 'The Beast Within' is my favorite episode so far.

Don't get me wrong- 'Haunted' and some others are probably better, objectively. And I already admitted that I've seen this one before, even though I didn't really get any of the context, so it might just be a nostalgia thing. But everything about this seems absolutely perfect.

Here's an example. In one scene, the Beast is in the center of Robin's targeting system. You hear Robin say "Sorry, Beast Boy", and missiles fly out- but just before impact, we cut to a wide shot of the entire city with an explosion in the distance, and wounded howling. Cut to Raven suddenly opening her eyes.

That's professional. The whole sequence is framed like an action movie, and it's amazing.

And of course, right after that, we get the mother of all twists- Raven, just after waking. "He didn't hurt me; he saved me." The revelation that Adonis, not Beast Boy, was trying to hurt her is one of my favorite moments in the whole series. I really wish I could have seen it for the first time again.

The ending fight is just as powerful. When the Beast is fighting Adonis, there's a really intense moment where you just see the Beast's arm, slamming into the pavement over and over. It's the perfect way to show that he's losing, and losing badly- Adonis is basically beating him into the ground. But it's shown in a way that isn't too graphic and violent, making it perfect for a network that has to keep things kid-friendly.

But let's get to the elements of the episode. Saving the most obvious for last, I want to mention the settings. It seems like every single frame of the episode is dark. The opening fight with Adonis takes place in some bizarre animal-pound-like building, with tons of creatures screeching in cages lining the walls, and high-tech lab equipment everywhere. Including, of course, vats of dangerous chemicals at the far end. That's a freaking strange place to exist at all, let alone to be the site of a battle, and the entire area is draped in deep shadows. It's kind of awesome.

And the rest of the places are just as weird. The sewers, the city's rooftops at night- even the halls of the Tower are shrouded, like the entire story is taking place in a perpetual darkness. But it enhances each place, so the animation becomes even more unique. When the Tower is so dark, it makes every room feel empty and gigantic, and incredibly creepy when we know there's a monster on the loose. When the Beast is running over the city skyline, we get the silhouette in front of the moon, creating a crazy light-shadow effect. And when the sewers are lit by nothing but a flashlight, it amps up the tension and suspense until you're almost hoping something will jump out.

Can't skip the villains, so I might as well mention Adonis. He's... pretty despicable, I guess. He's obviously really important to the episode, but as for the character himself, he strikes me as more of a plot point than an actual person. As in, he's mostly there just to get the chemical spill onto Beast Boy, and to introduce the theme of needing to prove how powerful he is. Being strong and talking about strength aren't really enough to build a solid villain out of- without Beast Boy, Adonis just wouldn't be very interesting.

Although he did do two things that made me very mad. First, he called Raven 'feisty' and did this weird purr-growl, and I immediately hated him. And to a lesser extent, he bent Robin's staff. Not cool. Probably not the strongest villain of the show (how's THAT for irony), but his part of the episode worked well. Not particularly fun, but not really intimidating, either. Just okay.

How about the Beast himself? I won't even talk about the animation of his design, because I'm sure everyone remembers it, and it's awesome. But before we even see him, when Beast Boy is transforming and rolling around trying to keep his head from splitting open in pain, he is making the most terrifying noises I've ever heard. It's like he's actually about to die, and those roars and growls only get more chilling when he's full monster-mode. Speaking of that, I sometimes forgot how big the Beast is; once in a while, though, another character would show up on screen, and I'd suddenly realize he's absolutely GIGANTIC. It takes starbolts, Cyborg's sonic cannons, and Robin's explosives together to bring him down. Even that doesn't always work: Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg vs. the Beast is actually a pretty even match. He's ridiculous.

One last thing about the Beast. There's a moment where he's facing down Cyborg, who has a cannon leveled his way. The Beast has a chance to attack, and very deliberately doesn't. Interesting, no? Especially since he was attacking the rest of the Titans earlier.

And, finally, Beast Boy. Holy character development, Batman, this episode covers everything. New changes in his powers, obviously, but also questions about his personality in general, and the way he interacts with the other Titans. From the very beginning, when he bear-punches Adonis so hard and so fast that he just destroys him, I realized something was up- I don't think we've ever seen him this angry before, have we?

Or this scared, or this hurt, or this selfish. But more on that in a bit.

See, this is where I'm not so sure if I'm actually interpreting things correctly. The most fascinating part of the episode, to me, is the period between the chemical spill and the first transformation into the Beast- the part where he's acting different, and the other Titans know it. The whole point is that he isn't really himself, but some of the things he says still struck me as... odd.

"Who's the tough guy now?"

"I just got sick and tired of being pushed around."

"Now, be a good girl and get me another root beer."

"This is who I am now."

"Nobody pushes me around! NOBODY!"

The idea I took from this, at first, was that the chemical spill was simply altering his moods and even his thoughts, making him into someone he wasn't. But- as I was trying to put into words in the story, up there- what if it's more than that? What if the episode is really saying something more complex? I started to look at what Beast Boy does and says, and wondered if they could be drawn from a source that actually IS him, at the core.

A few things are clearly just warning signs, like his sudden desire to eat meat. That's pretty simple. But why would he suddenly be obsessing over weightlifting and physical strength? Well, it might be because the chemicals are messing with him; or, maybe, it's because Adonis really got in his head. In a similar way, it's possible that other traits are being twisted and distorted, rather than appearing out of nowhere. Something laid the foundation for what happens here.

With Starfire, Beast Boy is rude, lazy, and pretty much dismisses her completely. I'm not saying any of that is okay, because it isn't, and he's clearly remorseful by the end- but we've seen glimpses of those three things before. He can mouth off to people, even those he cares about. He's lazy sometimes, even though it's usually in a funny or endearing way. And he's not a completely selfless person, either, because no one really is.

So, and I might be stretching the idea too thin here, it got me thinking. If we use that with the rest of his actions, maybe we can learn more about his personality. There's a really tense confrontation with Robin where Beast Boy declares 'This is who I am now,' and does the I-didn't-flinch-you-flinched thing before taunting him with 'That's what I thought.' These ideas of self-worth and power, identity and masculinity- they keep popping up. And I don't think I can explain it all with that little chemical thing. Maybe he really is worried about being strong, and being seen as strong.

He doesn't really interact with Cyborg all that much in this episode, beyond the part where he scratches him. I don't think it's showing us anything particularly new; we know he's competitive, and gets really into video games, and I think the angry slash at his best friend really is just because of the crap in his bloodstream. But he's been known to take things out of proportion. A new idea or plan, or even a game or movie, can become so important that it's the only thing he can concentrate on for a while.

But his attitude towards Raven is the strangest part of the story. He seems to get it in his head that he's always been this nice, kind guy, and she's only ever insulted and disrespected him. Obviously that's not entirely true (probably the poison messing with his head again), but it's interesting that, when angry at her, he brings up events that happened long before his personality change. Sarcastic put-downs that he clearly hasn't brushed aside and forgotten. Remember what he says after the fight with Adonis? "I just got sick and tired of being pushed around."

That was only a few seconds after the chemical spill. And right after an argument with Raven:

"Always makin' fun of me... even when I stand up for myself? Everybody's on HER side! She's the jerk! Nobody pushes me around! NOBODY!"

Here's my theory. Beast Boy (the real Beast Boy, not just the more angry version in this episode) is sick of people telling him what to do, ignoring him, or treating him like a doormat. Even his friends. Even if they aren't really doing that, he thinks they are.

Sometimes, anyway.

This show doesn't play around with character traits without reason. They made Robin into an awesome vigilante pseudo-villain, but they played it off traits we already knew he had (a hunger for action, a desire to be in control, and a willingness to deceive his friends). They made Terra into another kind-of-villain, also playing off her own character, with her fear of losing control of her powers and her penchant for revenge.

I think this might be similar.

Why else would we get so much arguing and dialogue from Beast Boy before he ever becomes the Beast? Maybe it's because the Beast isn't just an extension of his physical powers. Maybe it's also because it's a magnification of his deepest self- something that was already there. And that's... kind of dark.

It's also what makes the interrogation scene so profoundly unsettling. With real shock and terror in his voice, he whispers, "And you're telling me... I did that to her? That's impossible!" And after the others tell him that Raven was found in his teeth, his expression becomes unnatural- rage contorts his face, and his voice sounds more guttural and furious than ever before. "THAT'S A LIE!"

Why would he react so strongly to that? (I'm not discounting the possibility that he cares for her as more than just a friend, but let's see if we can find anything else.) After all, he threatened her with a gorilla morph, and even though he said it was just to intimidate her, it sure looked like he was ready to attack. He straight-up fought the other three Titans as the Beast, and they all know it at this point. Cyborg even points out that his genetic code, already unstable, is beginning to fall apart. With all this evidence, why would Beast Boy stubbornly insist that he would never hurt Raven?

...Because he's right.

The twist changes everything. The Beast isn't just a monster anymore- it's not even just one side of him. Just like the ending of the episode says, it's something primal. Every part of him, good and bad, hidden and clear, magnified to the extreme and brought to the surface. And Raven proves it, because he doesn't hurt her.

He has a lot of painfully scared lines during the interrogation, but the one that nearly made me cry was at the end of the episode. He asks Raven a simple question, referring to Adonis: "He's the one who hurt you, right?" It's one of the best voice-acted lines I've ever heard. The trembling, quiet fear in the words is so powerful that you can instantly tell he's absolutely terrified of what the answer could be. What it almost was.

Raven's final lines- let's face it, it's practically the most famous speech in the whole show- are odd, but they get you thinking. A lot of shows would probably say something like, 'That bad thing happened, so you better try to avoid it and be a good person from now on.'

Instead, we get this. "If it wasn't for that Beast, I might not be here right now. Having that thing inside doesn't make you an animal. Knowing when to let it out makes you a man."

Not strong. Not a hero. A man.

...This show, guys.

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Funny stuff: Adonis has the voice of a 90's sports movie bully. Seriously, I half expect him to ask for their lunch money.

-"I think my appendix and my spleen switched places!" Beast Boy proves it with an X-ray and everything.

-"Bring it on!" "Dude, it is TOTALLY brunged! ...Branged!" ("Ooh, bad grammar. That oughta scare him.")

-I am so freaking happy that Beast Boy can morph into other dinosaurs besides a T-Rex.

-Cyborg demands of Adonis, "Show me what ya got!" He then gets absolutely wrecked in one hit.

-There's a bit where Adonis flexes his pecs. In a robo-suit of armor. That's impossible and funny.

-Beast Boy, trying to respond to a jab at his size: "Oh yeah? Well, my muscles may be small and ropy, but... they're not... I mean-" He just kind of trails off, realizing he has nowhere to go with that line, and the timing is hilarious. That's a new kind of joke for this show, I think. The punchline is that there isn't a punchline.

-Okay, apparently Robin takes cooking VERY seriously. His angry expression and ridiculously fast actions when he's making eggs are quite intense.

-When they're hunting the Beast, Robin drives his motorcycle up walls and Cyborg just decides to smash through those walls. Nice.

-And of course, the famous line near the end, after Raven gives an emotional speech and Beast Boy tries to derail it with a joke. "We're having a moment here. Don't ruin it." Totally deadpan.

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Guys, I'm really sorry this took so long. Got a few reasons: One, like I've already whined about, is the projects and papers and finals like everyone's had to worry about these last couple weeks (Those are finally done, by the way). But also, like I said, this is one of my absolute favorite episodes- so the longer I waited, the more I felt like the update had to be extra-well-written, and I ended up psyching myself out and procrastinating more and more.

Putting pressure on yourself for no reason is dumb, and I don't recommend it.

But it's summer now, and the rest of the show awaits. Hopefully, I'll be updating more quickly. Next up: "Can I Keep Him?" Sounds like a less serious one, yeah? That's fine with me- as far as I'm concerned, this last episode was heavy enough to balance out a whole gosh-dang season of filler.

Have an unreasonably fantastic day, everybody.