This story will contain the following: two women as life partners and mothers, spankings to minor children, and anyone else whom the author deems needs it.

The rights of Xena, Gabrielle, Cyrene, Argo, etc. belong to REN pics and whomever else makes a profit from using them. I own nothing.

All that said, enjoy.

***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA* **

Chapter 37

I had spent almost two hours with Kassandra and when I finally entered our hut I wondered how much trouble I was in. Moving to the living area, Mama said nothing but stood up and grabbed my arm.

Turning me, she delivered one of the hardest swats to my backside that she ever had, "You are done running, Samina." Her crystal eyes burned into mine and I simply nodded my head before trying to rub the sting out of my bottom.

"How's Kassandra?" Mom asked as they sandwiched me between them on the couch.

"She's fine," I sighed. "And she agreed to be our special project in the village public service program you initiated today."

"She did?" Mama's eyebrow rose.

"Yep." Leaning into Mama I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry that I ran from you today, I shouldn't have done that but I needed to talk some things over with Kassandra."

"Does this have anything to do with why you've been withdrawing?" Mom asked.

I nodded slowly. "I had a dream. I think it was a vision really and it scared me, a lot."

"What kind of dream, Sammy?"

"Mama dying, leaving us again for the greater good." My voice was bitter. "You promised you wouldn't leave me here alone but you lied, you let them kill you for some damned misplaced sense of honor for things you did years ago."

"What are you talking about?" Mama demanded.

"Japan," I said simply. "The future Aphrodite stopped. You allowing yourself to be killed for no reason, leaving Mom alone again. Leaving your family." I paused and looked at my hands before looking into Mama's face again. "I saw Mom's eyes when you wouldn't let her bring you back. You killed part of her soul that day. I can't let you do it again."

"Sam," Mama tried.

"No," I stood and looked down at my mothers. "There is no reason for you to heed some summons from Japan. From Japa. You don't need to sacrifice yourself anymore. You have a family now and you promised me you wouldn't leave me here alone. I'm holding you to that promise, Mama. And if you think I'll just stand by and let you go off to get yourself killed then you're wrong."

"And me, Sammy?" Mom had moved over and taken Mama's hand. "You don't think I'll stop her?"

I shook my head, "You never do." Turning, I left them on the couch as I went to my room and closed the door. Lying on my bed I wished for my elephant for the first time in ages and sobbed into it until I had no more tears left to fall.

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"Do you think we should go after her?" Gabrielle asked as Xena pulled the smaller woman into her lap.

"No," Xena sighed. "She's too upset right now and by the sound of it she wouldn't be able to talk through the tears."

"What was she talking about, Xena?" Gabrielle sighed. "I don't remember anything about Japa, do you?"

"Not really, it's very hazy. I just remember us heading there and then we were in the future."

"Why would you be asked to go to there? I mean, who would call you there?" Green eyes looked into blue gently.

Sighing, Xena kissed the top of Gabrielle's head. "In order to tell you that, I need to tell you the entire story."

"I'm listening," the blonde responded as the warrior nodded and finally began to talk.

"So, you burned an entire village accidently?"

Xena nodded as Gabrielle reached up and wiped a tear from her partner's face. "That still doesn't explain why would be called to go to Japa, why you would allow yourself to die."

"I'm not sure either," Xena sighed. "But it might have to do with those souls moving on in the afterlife. The Japanese have a very set idea of how lost souls move on. Maybe that's the reason."

"Still, why would you remain dead?" This time Xena brushed a tear from Gabrielle's cheek.

"I don't know," Xena admitted.

"Will you heed the summons if it still comes?"

"Of course she will," I interrupted my parent's conversation. "Her and that moral compass of hers. The fact that it may not come for another twenty-three years or so doesn't matter. If that message reaches her, you know she'll go and you'll follow.

"I'll be left to pick up the pieces in the village. Make sure that Eve doesn't turn, taking care of the twins, and finish raising the youngest child when she comes along. And then, she'll sacrifice herself for nothing and you'll allow it because it's what you do."

"Samina," Mom slid off Mama's lap and approached me. "I won't allow your mother to leave us like that."

I stepped back and glared at her, "Yes, you will."

"What makes you think I'll even heed the summons, little one?" Mama hadn't moved from the couch and I turned my anger to her.

"Because of the greater good, because it's always been more important to you than Mom, than us."

"That's not true," Mama's voice grew cold.

"Isn't it?" I met her gaze. "Alti, Ming T'ien, Cleopatra, Caesar, Callisto, the gods..." I trailed off. "Yes, mother, you have a past and you've done horrible things. But you seem to forget that you have someone who died with you because she wouldn't let you sacrifice yourself for something like the Romans. Maybe you need to think about her sacrifices before you decide to make her sacrifice you."

I headed towards the door and was stopped when Mama stepped in front of me. "Alright, young lady, enough." The anger blazed in her eyes and I knew that I had gone too far.

"You are twelve years old, Samina and I have done things that you can't imagine. I have spent the last six years trying to make up for those things, but I can never, never find total redemption from some of them."

"Why not?" I shouted at her. "Eli's God obviously forgave you for them. He gave you Eve, he allowed Eli to resurrect you. If that God could forgive you, if Callisto could forgive you and choose you to be her mother then why can't you forgive yourself?"

"I don't know." Mama's voice had dropped and a shadow covered her eyes. "I don't want to leave my family, but I honestly don't know what I'll do if the summons from Japa comes."

"Then I'll make sure you never get it," I spoke before thinking and stepped back as icy eyes held my gaze when Mama's hands went to my upper arms and held me still.

"This is done, for now, Samina. We will discuss it again when you are older, but you will not interfere when the time comes."

Releasing me she turned to Mama. "I'm taking Argo out, I don't know when I'll be back."

Nodding Mom watched her go and I seethed once more. "Alright, Samina, you and I are going to have a chat and get a few things straight." Mom touched my shoulder and I jerked away.

"But first, we're going to do some things to work out your anger."

"Like what?" I huffed.

"Go get Cora and Helen and tell them we need their services. As soon as they get here then you and I will leave."

"Fine," huffing again I went off in search of the elderly Amazons and wondered what Mom had in store for me.

"Why are we here?" I asked as we entered the stables.

"Saddle Mavri," was the only answer I received and I easily went through the motions of putting the tack on him. Breathing in his scent, I placed my face on his neck and smiled slightly remembering the fun I'd always had riding him. I didn't do that nearly enough here and I wondered if I could start taking him out on my own now that I was older.

Leading the horses from the barn Mom led us to the dining hall and disappeared inside for a moment. Returning with a large bag of supplies she handed it to me. "Put this in your satchel, please. It'll be easier to carry that way."

Nodding, I did as she asked and was once again amazed by the magic my satchel possessed. I finally mounted Mavri after Mom did the same to her horse and then headed out of the village following her at a fast trot.

"Mom, what are we doing?" I asked coming alongside her.

Slowing down, Mom looked at me. "You'll find out." Reaching into her saddle bags she handed me one of Mama's granola bars. "Here, I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

"I could eat," I admitted.

"You always could," she chuckled. "I remember when we started you on solid foods in the hopes that you wouldn't want to eat from your human milk bar so much."

"Oh?" I took a bite of my snack and looked at Mom as she nodded.

"You loved all the foods we introduced. And I do mean all of them," Mom chuckled again. "I still can't get your mother to eat pickles but the first time I handed you one to suck on, you loved it."

"I still do," I admitted.

"As do I," Mom shook her head. "I craved those garlic dill pickles when I was pregnant with you. It's so cliché, pickles for a pregnant woman but I couldn't get enough of them."

"I bet Mama loved that."

"Oh yeah, I'd eat a few of them and then try to kiss her just for fun."

"And here I thought she was the brat," I commented.

"I have my moments," Mom quipped.

We were quiet for a moment and then Mom spoke again, "Who are you angrier with, Sammy, Xena or me?"

"I'm angry with both of you," I finally admitted. "But I think I'm more upset that you let her do it, that you didn't try to bring her back."

"Sammy, this hasn't even happened yet. It most likely never will since things have changed."

"Maybe, but do you really want to take that chance?"

"I trust Xena, Sammy," Mom said.

"I wish it was that simple for me," I pulled Mavri to a stop and looked at her. "You didn't see what I did, Mom. It was almost like I was there. I could hear the arrows, I could smell the blood, I saw you..."

"What, Sammy?"

"You were alive, but it was like a part of you died when she did. You weren't my mom anymore, you were just a body who didn't understand why your soul mate would leave you like that. I know there's a lot I don't understand, but I know how much you love each other. I know it's more than just being in love. She chose to end that with you and you let her. I will never understand that."

I began to walk Mavri again, "And if you allow it to happen the way I saw then I don't think I could ever forgive either of you." Urging Mavri into a hard gallop I headed down the road hoping to clear my head as I heard Mom follow.

***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA***BARD***XENA* **

Sliding off Mavri I waited until Mom approached me. "So, what do you think of this place?"

I looked around the hidden cove. We had taken the road to the nearest village and half way there had cut across a field before finding a small path and following it to this place. There was a waterfall and a small lake along with trees shading most of the edge of the lake.

"It's beautiful. How do you know about it?"

"There's an old cave of your mother's on the other side of the waterfall."

"What do you mean?" I raised my eyebrow in question.

"Follow me and I'll show you," Mom directed as we began to hike towards the waterfall.

I followed Mom up another hidden path and finally ended when we squeezed through a small opening between two rocks. Finding myself behind the waterfall I was speechless at the site. "Come on, Sammy."

Following close behind Mom I waited while she took a torch from a wall sconce and used her flint to light it. "We'll need this as we go deeper into the cave."

I followed Mom down a narrow corridor where she lit the wall torches every few paces. The corridor suddenly opened into a large, open cave and Mom walked around lighting all the torches present.

"What is this place?" I asked seeing crates of things, a large bed, and surprisingly a stack of leather bound parchment in the cavern.

"I told you, it's a cave that your Mama used back in her warlord days."

"Wow." I turned and took it all in before looking back to my mother. "Why did you bring me here?"

"I want you to look around, Sam, and then, I want you to read."

"Read?"

Mom nodded, "There are a few things in those books that you're just old enough to read."

"Okay," I was still confused but took Mom up on her offer and began to look around the cave. The first crate I opened was full of weapons, as was the second. The third crate made my stomach turn as I found manacles, a mace, a leather hood, small whips, what looked like pliers, a sharp dagger, and other vicious looking items.

"Mom?"

"Your mother was a warlord, Sam. She wasn't called the Destroyer of Nations because of her negotiating skills."

Slamming the lid on the crate closed I was afraid to move to the others but Mom gave me no choice and what I saw gave me a glimpse into who my beloved Mama had been in her past. Finally pulling me to sit on the bed, Mom searched through the books and opened one. Finding the page she wanted me to read, she handed it to me and nodded.

Looking down, I recognized Mama's bold script and began to read despite every fiber of my being telling me not to do so.

I find myself writing this on my journey to Chin. I don't know what has caused me to pick up quill and parchment, but I feel that I must put down some of the changes that have happened so recently.

Caesar has betrayed me and I vow that I will get my revenge upon him if it kills me. My life means nothing anymore as I have no one and am alone once again. M'Lila, my friend, sacrificed herself for me. A sweet, innocent girl, gave her life to save a worthless person like me. Why she did this I will never understand but I hope that one day I will have avenged her death to my satisfaction.

Ares visited me yet again today. He tells me that he cannot follow as I go into Chin and for that I am glad. Though he has helped me in the past, he is nothing more than an arrogant son of a bitch who tries to manipulate me now. I will no longer allow a man, any man, to cloud my judgment or get into the way of what I want.

I am still unsure of what I will find in Chin but I know enough that if I can build an army, join forces with someone who shares my vision than I shall be unstoppable. Maybe I was meant for greatness after all. For I know, that one day, everyone will know the name, Xena, and I will live forever in their memories.

The entry stopped and I looked up at Mom. "I don't understand."

"That's her darkness, Sammy." Mom sat next to me. "Some of her darkness anyway, she wanted to destroy, to have people fear her. She relished their fear, their capitulation to her. She lost Solan's father because she wanted to be the strongest warrior the world has ever known. If that had happened at that time," Mom paused. "She would still be ruling us, Sammy. Not the Mama you have now, but the Xena of legend: the Destroyer of Nations. The woman who used those devices of torture and liked the looks of fear she received when passing through villages."

The idea that my Mama, my idol, had wanted and pursued the evil in her past had never crossed my mind before. I had always thought she strayed because of Cortese, of Caesar, Alti, or someone else. "You mean she wanted to be evil?"

"She told me once that a new Xena was born when M'Lila was killed. That Xena was evil, Sammy."

"Then how, how did she come back from it? What truly made her leave it behind?"

"I don't know that she has," Mom's voice was quiet. "I don't mean that she's evil anymore, Sammy, but it's still in her. That darkness, she fights with it more than you or I will ever know. It's part of the reason she can never forgive herself even if the rest of the world..."

"Even if Eli's God has," I finished.

"Exactly."

"So when she gets a message from someone in her past that she feels she wronged, something that happened that she feels responsible for, she can't ignore it." I looked at the writing in my hands again.

"I don't want her to die, Mom. I don't want you to die with her." My tears came again as understanding began to weave itself into my thoughts. It would be years before I could really comprehend what my mother showed me that day, but I knew, on that day, that I had to protect my parents no matter the cost to me.