A/N so this is a bit of a filler chapter but for those of you who like Garcia I hope you enjoy it, she's really difficult to write so there was a lot of procrastination involved with this chap. Hopefully this will keep you guessing though ;) For anyone here on twitter, I've finally got myself into the twitterverse as BAUObsession so get following for updates etc.

Thank you so much to Cupcake, moonie912, Guest, Casie01, i-Linda, Leslet, snuggleUP, Jareau37, tamorapiercefanatic, rmpcmfan, Armand, Lktwh13 and Guest for your amazing reviews- can't believe this fic has over 300!

anyways, enjoy

"Was there more to your disappearance than Ian Doyle and Chief Morris?"

Jay's breath caught in her throat as the smell of burning flesh filled her nostrils. Her eyes flew to Crow's, but he was okay, so she scanned the room rapidly trying to identify the source of the smell. There was no fire anywhere. Then as quickly as the smell had arrived, it vanished again. She looked around in bewilderment.

"JJ, are you okay?" Hotch asked gently, just as Emily entered the room.

"Hotch, it's okay, I've got this." Emily said, watching JJ carefully. She pulled a chair over to sit opposite her. All the while Jay rubbed her thumb along the back of Crow's hand, letting him know that she was okay, and that Emily wasn't a threat.

"JJ, what happened in the months leading up to your disappearance? Did it have anything to do with your assignment at the State Department, the backstop?" She said quietly, searching JJ's face for answers.

Jay just looked back at her in confusion; when had she been with the State Department? What book was Hotch talking about? What key? She didn't understand. Whenever she tried to think back, to remember, she was met by the smell of burning skin. She didn't like it; it was making her feel sick.

As Emily watched, JJ visibly paled, but she pressed on. She had to know whether the suspicion that had been growing at the back of her mind ever since Hotch had told her about the key was correct. Did her disappearance have to do with the year she spent away from the team? At the time, all the evidence had pointed to Doyle, he had to have taken JJ, how else would he have found her in Paris? It wasn't until recently that they had discovered Chief Morris's involvement. It still made her blood boil just thinking about it.

"Do you remember our conversation on the flight to Paris, the one where you commandeered an Interpol jet?"

Jay shook her head, she didn't remember. Whether she wanted to or not, it was as though the memory just wasn't there. Then suddenly that damn smell was back again, hitting her like a wall, and she could feel her left palm burning. She looked down at the mottled scars that covered the skin of her palm.

She bit down on the rag in her mouth as she brought the lighter's flame to her palm, forcing herself to let the pain engulf her mind as the fire licked the already burned skin. As the scent of burning flesh registered in her brain she repeated one word, over and over, until it became a part of her: forget.

Emily was still speaking, "We talked about a phoenix and a blackbird. You were worried, about your assignment, you didn't trust the people you worked with."

Jay frowned, her eyes steely. "I don't remember, Emily. I don't want to remember."

Emily looked taken aback by her response. "Why not? Surely if someone else was partly responsible for what happened to you, then they should pay for they've done?"

"The same way Morris paid? The same way Doyle paid?" Jay asked bitterly. Emily winced and subconsciously rubbed her thigh, an action Jay noted carefully. "Jennifer Jareau is dead. The woman you remember is gone. It doesn't matter how she was taken. It doesn't change anything."

Emily met her gaze, unsure whether she meant what she had said. When she did speak again it wasn't to say what Jay had expected. "How did she die?" She asked, "The woman I remember?"

Jay stayed silent and looked away. She knew exactly how she had died; they had chipped away pieces of her until nothing remained, and when that final piece was taken from her, she had been relieved.

"I don't think she's dead. I think she's hurting, more than any of us could possibly comprehend, I think she's hiding, but I don't think she's gone, not forever." Emily said quietly, tentatively reaching out her hand. When Jay didn't move, she held her hand within her own. "I think she'll come back to us some day."

Jay's breath caught in her throat, a long forgotten pang of loss and grief building in her chest. She looked away before it could reach her eyes, instead looking at Crow, who squeezed her hand. He was looking up at her, understanding exactly what she was feeling in that moment.

Emily sighed and got up to leave.

Only when she heard the door shut did Jay let out a shaky breath and blink away the rebellious tears that threatened to betray her. For just a moment she allowed her grief to wash over her before locking it away, deep within the recesses of her mind where it couldn't hurt her.

Emily drew a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair. Hotch was looking at her expectantly. "Did she say anything to explain any of this?"

"No, she's angry, alone and doesn't know who to trust. But it's more than that, Hotch, it was almost as if she didn't remember the months before she was taken, added to which, she doesn't want to remember." She shook her head sadly, "I think that she's spent three years actively suppressing any possible thought about her life before, because thinking about it brought her too much pain."

"If you're right, then I'm afraid that trying to get her to remember before she is ready may just traumatise her further." Hotch replied, his voice haggard.

Emily nodded in agreement. "Has Garcia got anything?"

"I don't know yet, Morgan's on the phone with her at the moment."

"Okay, let me know if anything comes up, I need to have a conversation with Strauss."

Hotch gave her a questioning look but Emily waved him off, "It may be nothing, but I'll let you know if it's something."

BAU Headquarters, Quantico, VA

Garcia smiled as she looked down at her phone, the caller ID read 'Mind-reading Chocolate Adonis'.

"Why hello, handsome" She greeted in her best sultry tone.

"Hey sweetness, what have you got for me?"

"Well in my typical glorious genius I have solved the mystery of the name and the number, although I should mention here that even you could have worked this one out. The name of course referred to JJ's sister, Rosaline, and as I suspected, the number was the account number of a bank account in Rosaline's name. More interesting than that though is the safety deposit box registered to that account at the East Allegheny branch of First National." She replied at the speed of light.

"What can you tell me about the safety deposit box?" Morgan asked.

"And here we come to a problem, a small problem mind you; all I can see is that there is one, I can't access their secure servers, for a small bank they sure don't cut back on their technical security. To access any additional details I would need a warrant."

"Which we can't get without probable cause, which we don't have." Morgan sighed.

"Never fear, my knight, I have a plan. There's nothing I wouldn't do to help my JJ. If you'd like to remain on the line, sir, and I'll see what I can dig up."

"Dig up in a legal manner?" Morgan prodded, doubting he wanted to know the honest answer.

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies, please hold." Garcia replied brightly, although she simply allowed Morgan to remain on speaker whilst she keyed in the number for the bank in East Allegheny.

"First National Bank, East Allegheny branch, how may I help you today?" Came the voice of a young banking clerk.

"Hello, this is Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia with the FBI. I need some information on the safety deposit box rented under the account number 18128147."

"I'm sorry Agent Garcia but I can't give out account details without first seeing a warrant. If you'd like to present the bank with one then we would be happy to provide you with any information you require."

"I'm sorry what was your name?"

"Jimmy Malek, ma'am."

"Well, Jimmy, I realise that regulations may be important to you but for me time is of the essence. You see the information I need is related to a kidnapping case and the clock is ticking away. With each passing second our victim's chances of survival diminish. Now you get me the information I need or I will personally see to it that you face charges of obstruction and acting as an accessory." Garcia said sharply, sounding much bolder than she felt, she could only hope the young man didn't know a great deal about his rights or the law.

When the clerk replied he sounded shaken and nervous. "I'm very sorry ma'am but I can't, maybe if I get my manager then he may be able to help you."

"Jimmy I do not have time for you to fetch your manager." Garcia snapped, but she quickly began typing. "Okay, Jimmy, look at your computer screen. Do you see your cursor moving? Even though your hand is on the phone and not the mouse?"

"Yes ma'am."

"That's me hacking your internal system. And this" Penelope couldn't help the smug smile that stretched across her face, "is me accessing your emails. Ooh now what have you been up to? Oh wow, Jimmy, you come across so innocent. But an office romance? An office romance with dirty pictures, well that's just sloppy. Not a bad set of abs though. However, you see what the cursor is doing now?"

"Y…Yes" The man sounded terrified.

"That's me about to forward those abs to your manager. The only thing stopping your boss from getting all the juicy details on your affair with his secretary is your ability to tell me everything I want to know about that safety deposit box, understand?"

She was fairly certain she could hear him gulp through the phone.

"Yes ma'am."

"Then get talking Jimmy, chop chop." Garcia snapped again, galvanising him into action.

After several minutes of typing that progressed at the speed of a snail in comparison with the lightning fast keyboard foxtrot that was Garcia's, the clerk eventually began to throw information in Garcia's direction. "Box 327 was first rented on October 14th 2011, which was also when the box was last accessed."

"Who was the box accessed by?"

"A Miss Rosaline Jareau, ma'am."

It must have been JJ, there was no-one else it could have been.

"And you're certain the box has not been accessed since?"

"No, ma'am, not once."

"Who are the listed renters?"

"Rosaline Jareau and… Penelope Garcia."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Rosaline Jareau and Penelope Garcia, ma'am."

Garcia froze, trying to let that information sink in. What was going on? It was like JJ had left some kind of spy calling card for her. But how had she known that she would be the one looking? Well of course, she supposed it was obvious now. Then reality hit her like a brick wall. JJ had left these clues for them, to whatever they lead to, but they were three years too late. Oh God, what if they could somehow have prevented everything that had happened? She wasn't sure she would ever forgive herself.

Suddenly she heard some clunking and rustling on the other end of the phone. When someone spoke this time it wasn't Jimmy, the young clerk but instead an older voice, one that held more authority.

"Am I speaking to Penelope Garcia?" the voice said.

"Yes this is Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia, to whom am I speaking?"

"My name is Tobias Bracker. I was a friend of Jennifer's. She said you would call."

"You knew JJ? What can you tell me about the safety deposit box?"

"I can't explain over the phone, Jennifer instructed me not to. You will need to pay a visit to the bank. I think then you'll find the answers you're looking for."

A/N as always i hope it was worth the wait, i am trying to update regularly :) on a side note, does anyone know when Season 10 will start picking up on JJ's ptsd? Don't forget to review :D