Chapter 37: No Rest For The Weary
Despite all things, tomorrow always came.
Well, except when some lunatic got into the higher end spectrum of temporal manipulation and you suddenly had problems like the sun rising in the west, Joan of Arc becoming the Paris Hilton of her time, and Nietzsche going mad because he couldn't have as many Fritos as he wanted, but I digress.
New days came, leaving behind the old, but not their effect.
As the sun shone down on Jump City and the T-Tower on a peaceful summer day…as the motorcycle drove down the freeway, the helmeted female form on it expertly weaving through slower cars. She might not have brought much attention to herself if but for her outfit, a form fitting dark purple bodysuit with blue gloves and boots, and even then she was there and gone so fast most people only noticed a glimpse of her as she drove on.
As we return to the Tower and, like times beforehand, move through it, through the garage where Cyborg is hard at work at finishing up the final details of the latest T-Car, up through the floor to the main room where Beast Boy and Terra sat playing video games and Robin quietly worked on a laptop nearby, and through a door and down several hallways until we come to the walking form of Gauntlet, as Robert Candide reached the door he was heading for and knocked.
"Come in." Came Starfire's voice, friendly but not as overly enthusiastic as she normally was. That was enough to cause Rob some worry, as he opened Starfire's door and found her sitting on the floor, legs crossed.
"Hey Kory. What are you doing here hiding in your room?" Gauntlet asked.
"Hello Friend Rob. I was just doing one of Raven's meditative ways, to organize my thoughts. Her letter was nice, but I do wish she would return soon. I find that absence of friends is more…common these days." Starfire said.
"…….Oh great, now you're getting darker and edgier too." Rob muttered under his breath.
"What Robert?"
"Nothing." Gauntlet sighed.
"You fear I am losing my cheer." Starfire said with surprising clarity.
"…well yeah! There's a lot of that going around lately! I mean, what's the freaking deal? Mad Mod was just a gag villain for years and what happens? He hits us with the worst thing since the Final Night! And what's the deal with Doctor Light suddenly being a rapist that everyone just conveniently forgot about!?!"
"Doctor Light is a rapist?" Starfire said in confusion.
"Yes! No! Are we up to that concept chronologically yet? Argh, damn this girl and her frack'n frankenfanon! But even if we haven't gotten there yet, it's like the universe is getting all dark and evil and squicky for no other reason than to be dark and evil and squicky! All this darkness…you can't get out of that much darkness without starting completely fresh. Mark my words, it will come back to bite us in the ass! I mean, what the hell was with the last part? That last part was just sad and depressing, not to mention royally self-indulgent! And all that talk of TV and Gutenberg…what was the deal with THAT!?"
"…excuse me Friend Rob?" Starfire said again, looking confused, as Gauntlet looked down.
"Huh, where did this soapbox come from." Gauntlet said, as he stepped down off of it and pushed it aside with his foot.
"…Friend Rob, it is okay. Yes, the last several weeks have been hard for us. But despite what some may say, I am not a shrinking violet, prone to crumple under stress. Yes, they were hurtful, and I have felt it, but I am not dwelling and brooding on it. There is always tomorrow." Starfire said. "…I had a question I thought to pose to you, but perhaps you are not in the right frame of mind for it."
"Oh no no no no no, Star! You're always free to ask." Gauntlet said as he sat down with the alien.
"If so, please get any more worries about supposed changes to my character out of the way first. Use the box of soap if needed."
"No, I think we're done with that for now. Ask away."
"Well, while not thinking about in the dark, obsessive way some of our friends would, I have been giving thought to the events of the past few days. And since you live in a city where there are people like us at every corner and behind every door, I must ask Rob: did you ever learn just why humans like those tend to favor such complicated mental setups?"
"…well, it really doesn't have much to do with being superhuman. It's just…well, it's about benefits, really. If Tamaranians are honest about how they feel, they can wield biological gifts that would fall under our category of superpowers. If you cover up your happiness, you can't fly. But with us humans…it just ended up backwards. If we're too honest, we get shunned and lose our ability to do things. If I don't like somebody's cooking and I tell them I like it, I'm covering up my emotion…but I've just preserved our relationship. It's thinking like that that started it…and then…well…it kinda…got made to do too much work."
"…wait…does that mean you do not really like MY cooking?" Starfire asked.
"Of course not!" Gauntlet blurted. Starfire gave him a look. "Really. Those raw Blacktrinian moon berries were…tart. In a good way."
"Okay!" Starfire said, grinning.
"Moving on. We're just not prone to being that open. It's not too beneficial."
"I have come to understand that. Humans by some genetic factor seem to often possess many contradictory qualities…like how they will band together in certain circumstances but only up to a certain degree, and they will not trust others who have done likewise."
"Yeah, we do like our cliques and our feuds."
"But there's more to it then that. I can understand why the Mad Mod would not like us, and why he would wish to oppose us, even hurt us…but I am just baffled by the…complexity of it. Even if I think of the illnesses of the brain you humans have, I just…why did he want to make us care? Why did he wish to be so…thorough? He would have been as done with us if he'd just attacked us with his machines, rather then…give them souls."
"I can't really say. I understand spite. I know what it feels like to be backed in a corner with no way out. Hell, I felt that way fighting the little droids…"
"They weren't droids." Starfire said with uncommon sad firmness.
"Synthetic beings then. Whatever they were. Anyway, when spite takes over…You hit as hard as you can and as long as you can. You don't care if you win, you just care about making them hurt, about making them know you were there. Maybe that's what Mod was after. Even if we won…we'd lose. We'd know what he did to us and we'd feel it."
"The sad thing is, I doubt he feels satisfied. Even if we had not bested him. It is just something I have observed. Your complicated emotions can make you lash out at people in an attempt to calm your soul…yet the truth is, it never does." Starfire said. "I…have had bad things happen to me. Yet I find I can put them aside, place them in the past, and move on. Humans seem to have such…trouble doing that. Like they think they can find a solution for pain in pain. Is it not like striving to put out a fire with gasoline?"
"Well, I don't know about that…the number of aliens we get trying to avenge themselves on Earth heroes says that your people is unique for being able to put it aside. I mean, there's Sinestro, Zod, the Manhunters…plenty of others, really. And some of them make Machiavelli look like Ghandi."
Starfire was silent.
"…I mean, it's not universal! I mean, I'm certainly not holding a grudge about you guys thinking I was crazy. I KNOW I was acting crazy. I don't think you can ever make generalizations about Tamaranians…I mean, look at your sister."
Starfire looked at Gauntlet pointedly.
"…man, I am bad about pointing at the elephant in the room."
"No Robert. I prefer it. It makes me hopeful that the misunderstandings in your mental ways are not irreversible. Yes, my sister was…led astray by such things, mixing with her dark feelings to make her the way she was…but that was her choice. She could have resisted. She could have understood. My parents and people…we failed with her in ways, yes…but for the blame we bear, she too must bear her part. And technically Machiavelli was not Machiavelli either."
"…what?"
"He mostly just wrote down his observations on how the leaders he watched acted, put it all down to try and buy favor with another, ended up on the wrong side of a government change, and by the time it was done his name had become a pejorative. The ruthless duplicity his name supposedly stands for mostly applies to what he witnessed rather then what he championed."
"…wow."
"I have been reading Robin's books." Starfire said with another grin, which faded. "I am all right, friend Rob, and so are so kind for caring. I just wish I had answers for some of my questions. I have learned a great deal from your planet. It had helped me put some aspects of myself that some might find…unlike me, in perspective. I just wish I knew if it was making me more of a person…or less of one." Starfire said, with a musing expression on her face.
"…Hey, I think Robin is calling a meeting. Let's go see!" Gauntlet said as he sprang up, grabbed Starfire's hand, and pulled her out of the room.
And down in the city streets, the mysterious motorcycle rider zoomed past an alleyway.
And in the shadows of the narrow space, a pair of headlights suddenly flicked on.
"My friends! I have called this meeting to address a serious problem, and that is the fact there has been entirely too much moping these past few weeks!" Gauntlet said in the Titans' main room.
"What?" Beast Boy said, leaning back from where he was sitting.
"Huh?" Terra said, doing likewise.
"Robin, you are not calling this meeting?" Starfire asked her boyfriend.
"Nope, I'm sure Rob can handle it." Robin said, not looking up from his computer. Starfire looked confused, not certain just how this meeting had started.
"That's right! WAY too much moping! You've exceeded the Moping Parts per Million in the local environment as suggested by the EPA! Moping doesn't get anything done! I really must ask why we are so high in moping!"
"No crime." Robin said off-hand.
"Hey, we took care of Dr. Light last week!"
"No COMPETENT crime."
"Well maybe but…still too high! Therefore, I have prepared a list of anti-moping activities, as approved by the Journal of Moping and Moping Sciences."
"There's no such thing…" Robin said semi-seriously, and then a magazine hit him in the face. He picked it up where it had fallen and examined it. "Huh, there is. I'll be damned."
"Dude, we're fine. Why don't you just sit down and play video games with us?" Beast Boy asked.
"Oh no! Studies show that the same muscles used for extensive moping are also used in the playing of video games!"
"He's right you know." Robin said, flipping through the magazine as Starfire sat next to him.
"Fine, I'll do something else. Here Rob." Beast Boy said, offering Gauntlet his controller.
"And I'll play standing on my head!" Terra jokingly added, as she actually got up and did a handstand. "Huh, the world looks very different from down here."
"No no no! Don't interrupt the list of the Anti-Moping activities! First rule of not moping: DO NOT MOP…that parody sounded better in my head. Anyway, here's what we can do! Play water polo!"
"We don't have a pool, the bay isn't suitable, and we don't have a rulebook." Robin said from his computer.
"Drat. Okay, let's play a game of Red Rover!"
"It would just turn into whose superpowers can trip the others up better. Plus I'd always lose." Robin said.
"Drat! Okay, we build a monorail so our city's citizens can get around quicker!"
"Simpsons already did it." Robin said, still not looking up from his personal computer.
"DRAT! Okay, we take advantage of certain strange government wounded egos to get one of our own sent into space!"
"…dude, we go into space all the time." Beast Boy said.
"We went into space last week because you wanted legit Vietnamese food and wanted it yesterday." Terra added.
"And Simpsons already did it." Robin said.
"…..drat. Okay…aha, we assume a superheroic identity and battle evil doers by throwing pies in their faces!"
"…Rob we already HAVE superheroic identities." Terra said.
"And how would throwing pies in the faces of our foes do anything? It strikes me as ineffective." Starfire said.
"Our methods work just fine!" Beast Boy said.
"We don't need to change them!" Terra protested, though by now it was clear their complaints were in a joking manner.
"It's in our union contract!"
"And I'm no good at making pastries!"
"And Simpsons already did it." Robin finished. Gauntlet gave the teenager a dirty look.
"Fine. We take over the world and rule it via a complex conspiracy!"
"Illuminati already did it. They don't like competition." Robin said.
"Fine! I'm out of the fun things! Let's get a head start on next year's taxes!"
"I'm the only one here who even begins to understand that process and I already did that due to the aforementioned lack of crime." Robin said.
"Will you at least look up from the computer when you address me!" Gauntlet mock-exploded.
"No." Robin replied with a semi-concealed grin.
"Fine. We could have a Roman-style orgy."
"It is not the equinox." Starfire said before anyone else could reply. The other three Titans, especially Robin, goggled at her. "Er, I mean, no Robert, that is not proper!"
"How do you KNOW that?" Terra asked.
"I have also been reading Raven's books. I had mostly read all of Robin's and Friend Cyborg's were full of naked pictures and they all began with the phrase 'Dear Penthouse, I never thought this could happen to me…'"
"Achrheeeeem!" Robin coughed loudly. "It's a nice thought Rob, but we're pretty well occupied."
"Well, I am not. I could make some more of my Florkagry Frappos…" Starfire began.
"OH NO! NO STAR! You can't! Because I am uh…going to go redecorate the kitchen! Right, uh, now! Yes!" Beast Boy babbled as he ran off and returned with an armful of tools.
"Oh. Well in that case I will play the video game with Terra."
"Ohhhhhhhh…does anyone else see those green blobs sliding across the floor…ugh." Terra said, as she finally lost her sense and fell over, having been standing on her head the entire time.
"As soon as she wakes up." Starfire said.
Despite himself, Rob's activity eventually ended up being playing the game with Starfire and a recovered Terra, while Robin continued work on his personal computer and Beast Boy, stuck in his excuse, had actually started drawing up plans for some remodeling of the kitchen. Whether he had any idea what he was doing, nobody knew, but what was even more mysterious was just where he had gotten all the tools, supplies, and blueprints to actually do a proper remodeling. But then again, Titan Tower did have a lot of rooms.
And down in his personal garage, Cyborg finished off the last polishing wipe of his fully reconstructed T-Car Mk. HedLongForgotten.
"Ah my baby! They knock you down, but you always get back up!" Cyborg said, and kissed the hood…which got him a mouth full of wax. "Ack, shoulda just done that…in spirit…!"
While Cyborg hunted for a towel and/or mouthwash, the motorcycle finished crossing the raised bridge to Titan Island and drew to a stop at the base of the Tower.
And a mysterious car which some might have thought would be following the motorcyclist came to its own stop…in front of Jump City's largest bank.
"Dear Robin, who would win in a fight between you and Nightwing?" Robin read out loud. Yes, it was this again: perhaps this time there might be some originality in the stolen concept. Perhaps at the same time Robin explained why he always read his e-mails out loud, or maybe that was just the residual effect of the theft. Oh sorry. Back to the fanfic, as Robin gave a somewhat bitter chuckle. "I think the real question is, with all the crap that Nightwing has been through lately, would he even put up a fight?"
"Have we reached that chronological point yet?" Starfire asked aloud.
"DAMN FRANKENFANON!" Gauntlet cursed. Robin ignored them.
"Huh…well there's that…and that…but then again there's that…and that…huh. I think I'm too close to this question to give a proper answer guys. What do you think?"
Silence from the Titans.
"Well?"
"It would be…um…close." Starfire said.
"Um…er…yeah. It'd be close." Beast Boy seconded.
"Uh…um…Nightwing has his strong points…it could go either way." Terra thirded.
"The fans." Gauntlet said, and then gave a wordless yell. "Someone is camping! Stop the camping!"
"There you have it, Hatty Rolfcopter. The fans would win. And my friends really stink at sparing feelings." Robin dictated as he typed.
"Fine! You want the truth! You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you!" Beast Boy exaggeratedly accused. "Bah! I deride your truth handling abilities!"
"Simpsons already did it." Robin said in a deadpan tone.
"Why you…the truth is, he'd kick your butt because he's you on steroids and in a better costume!" Beast Boy declared
"Really. I must ask Dick next time I see him how many giant stone golem things he's beaten up lately." Robin replied, stroking his chin.
"I still say that was clever editing." Gauntlet commented.
"YOU CAN'T EDIT REALITY!"
"Not with that kind of attitude you can't. It's why I was able to remove Pakistan from my personal canon."
"I'll do personal things to your canon…" Robin snarked as he sent the email and called up the next one. "Dear Robin, who would you rather have sex with Angelina Jolie or…Black Canary…" Robin trailed off as all the Titans looked at him. "Uh…well…um…"
Beast Boy helpfully lifted an arm to give his opinion again.
"NO SHUT UP ALL OF YOU DELETED DELETED DELETED!" Robin yelled, hammering on the appropriate button. His teammates just gave him wry looks (even Starfire, who winked at him) and resumed their tasks.
"Awwwwwwww, too bad." Came a familiar voice, and Robin glanced over to see a smirking Cyborg in the doorway. "I could have given an answer that would have really curled some toes."
"Why don't you devote your effort to something practical Vic, like say, fixing that damn glitch in our security system that lets in anyone with a handprint, you pervert."
"Did that four days ago." Cyborg said as he walked by, still smirking. His annoyed front aside, Robin was glad Cyborg seemed all right. True, they might have been moping some over the Zap Pack, but Cyborg had also recently lost his girlfriend in a cruel way and hadn't talked much about it. Robin just hoped he was reading the mechanical teen right on the assumption he seemed to have made his peace with it. He didn't get the impression that Cyborg was trying too hard to seem 'normal'.
Cyborg, in the meantime, had found something new to be amused at, as he headed over to where Beast Boy was measuring a long 2 by 4.
"Oh geez, what the hell are you up to this time, greenjeans?" Cyborg said. Beast Boy glanced at his best friend in a mostly non-serious 'tread lightly, my friend' expression.
"I've decided to do some remodeling of the kitchen."
Cyborg nearly broke down laughing. Beast Boy looked cross.
"Remodel the kitchen? Where the hell did you get that idea?"
"Better then some alternatives." Beast Boy said, glancing at Starfire, who was paying attention to the game. Cyborg picked up the insinuation.
"I see what you mean. But do you actually have any sort of clue what you're doing?"
"You kidding? When we weren't on missions Rita was always trying to do stuff to prove she was just a 'normal woman'. Guess what women like to do? Redecorate. Well, lots of other stuff too, but some do, and she did, and I always got dragged along. I could probably pick out new wallpaper in my sleep." Beast Boy said, as he turned into a gorilla, held the 2 by 4 up against the counter, and then pulled it back as he returned to normal. "Looks okay. Now I just need a saw…"
"…hold it Gar." Cyborg said as he scanned the counter Beast Boy had just placed the wood against with his mechanical eye. "I just did my own measurements and I think that piece of lumber is a touch too long."
"That's the point. I measured both carefully beforehand Vic; it's supposed to be that way. Slightly cramping the wood just a touch will add resiliency."
"No, it's overlong. If you put it in, instead of a firm fit it'll be a strained fit. The wood will eventually crack in the center."
"No it won't. I did all the proper measurements." Beast Boy said as he headed off to fetch a proper saw, lugging the two by four with him as Cyborg followed.
"Really Gar, my eye can do precision work that you might miss with a classic tape measure. Just give me the piece, I can do the minor bit of trimming to make it perfect."
"It doesn't have to be done, it's fine as it is."
"Oh come on Gar, I'm not trying to take over your project."
"I know, but I know I measured this correctly!" Beast Boy semi-snapped as he turned around, leaving the pair standing in front of another door. There was a touch of aggravation in both their tones, but as Robin looked at them they didn't seem on the path to it getting worse.
"You did, but you're missing a minute detail I saw. Just give me the board. Trust me."
"I do. But I also trust that I measured it right."
"You missed a tiny detail, give me the board and I'll show you."
"I got it Cy!"
"I insist that you didn't, give me the board!"
"I'll show you, I'll make a counter that will last fifty years!"
"It won't last fifty weeks with your tiny error, come on B, give me the board!"
"I know I measured it right!"
"You didn't!"
"I did!"
"You didn't!"
"I did!"
"DAMMIT GAR I DEMAND YOU PUT YOUR MASSIVE PIECE OF WOOD IN MY HAND RIGHT NOW!" Cyborg bellowed.
DEAD silence, as Cyborg realized what he'd said and all the other Titans slowly turned their heads to look at him.
Beast Boy smiled widely.
And a voice came.
"Wow, I heard this could be a wild place, but I never expected stuff like THAT."
Cyborg and Beast Boy whirled at the tone, as the form emerged from the door, the dark purple and blue clad female now wearing a long purple cape with a spiked hood, out from which peered a face completely covered by a black mask, white eyeshields contrasting against the darkness of the material. It wasn't exactly the most friendly-looking on sight visage, and that combined with the surprise probably had a lot to do with Beast Boy and Cyborg's reaction.
"Intruder!" Cyborg yelled, arming his sonic cannon as Beast Boy dropped his 2 by 4 and turned into a lion. The purple-clad female took a step back, the white circles on the mask her eyes peered through seemingly widening a bit…
"No. Wait. No need. She's one of us." Robin said, as he popped up and pushed Cyborg's arm down gently. "Hello Stephanie. Been a while."
"Not surprising, if this is how you treat all your guests." Stephanie Brown said as she entered the room while she pulled down her hood, removing her mask to reveal a lovely blonde girl. "Hey Tim. It's been too long."
"Who's this?" Terra asked, the three video game players having ceased doing so.
"Guys, this is Stephanie. She's one of the…Gotham family, you might say. She goes by the name…Spoiler." Robin said, as if knowing the expected reaction.
The Titans stared for a moment, and then both Beast Boy and Terra cracked up. Stephanie rolled her eyes, as if this was a common occurrence.
"Spoiler? SPOILER? What…" Beast Boy laughed.
"Her father was a wannabe supervillain, she got sick of it, and assumed her own costumed identity to SPOIL his plans. It developed from there. One should have respect for names no matter what they may be, isn't that right, CHANGELING?" Robin said, addressing Beast Boy.
"Hey! Low blow!" Beast Boy growled, as he crossed his arms and looked, well, cross.
"A new friend!" Starfire beamed, zipping over to Spoiler…and stopping as if remembering something. "Right, yes. Hello Miss Spoiler. I am Starfire of Tamaran. It is a pleasure." Starfire said, and forcibly took Stephanie's hand to shake it.
"…Uh…yeah…" Spoiler said, giving Starfire a not unfriendly but hard to read look. "Ow, ow!"
"Oh sorry. Forget my strength." Starfire said.
"…wait, is she available? Yes! Yes!" Gauntlet said to himself as the other Titans greeted Spoiler. "Okay, Axe failed me utterly in the past…so I think I'll try being subtle. Play it low key."
"Hi. You must be Gauntlet." Spoiler said as she came over to Rob to greet him.
"Well…I…uh…THE GADSEN PURCHASE!" Rob babbled, and then promptly fainted. Spoiler's eyes widened.
"What the heck?"
"Sorry. Gauntlet here is…strange at times. Wonderful guy. But strange." Terra said.
"Yeah." Robin said. "In any case, that's the team. Nice for you to drop in, Steph…but wait a minute, how did you get in?" Robin said as he sat back down on the computer.
"Well your bridge raiser works on the same process as Batman's computers, so I was able to raise it myself." Spoiler said as she walked over to him and sat down. "As for your building, I thought I was going to have to buzz to be let in when I saw the security, but I decided to see if you'd put me in the system and sure enough putting my handprint in let me in!"
"D'OH!" Cyborg cursed in the background.
"…that would explain why you didn't trip any alarms or alerts." Robin said. "Well, mi casa es su casa."
"Quite a casa. I can see why you hang around. Gotham's just not the same without you, Tim." Stephanie said, a faint touch of longing in her voice.
"So that's why you made the long trip down here?" Robin said in a quiet, neutral tone.
"Well yes and…come on Tim. Don't be so resentful. I heard rumors through the grapevine what was averted here. Even if they're exaggerated…to him I'm just a possible soldier, and half the time a barely passable one." Spoiler said, sounding a touch cross. "But you're almost a son to him. You and Dick. And well…the possibilities…what could have happened…he cares Tim. He's REALLY bad at it, but he cares."
"I know. But I'm not in Gotham. It's different there and it's different here. I don't need constant checkups." Robin said.
"Oh get off your high horse. How many checkups have you had? How long has it been since you had any kind of contact with him?"
"Since Beast Boy said the many bad words to the Batman when we last spoke, a while." Starfire said. Spoiler gave the green teenager a wry look, and he blushed and did a taciturn wave as confirmation.
"I won't lie Tim, that's partly the reason. So why don't we just debrief now on recent events so he can get the info he wants and then we can catch up on old times and knock some heads."
"…not really in the mood." Robin said.
"Oh don't be difficult." Spoiler teased.
"Not really that, Miss Spoiler…" Cyborg said.
"Call me Stephanie."
"Right, Stephanie. But the way this team's last…incident ended was pretty painful. And I wasn't there for most of it, so I can't really talk about it."
"I was though! I can tell! Mememe!" Gauntlet declared as he popped up right next to Spoiler, who started.
"Uh…okay. Since Tim seems…a bit bothered by it. How did it start?"
"Well, in the beginning there was nothing, and then there was the Big Bang, though I agree with Calvin in that it should be named the Horrendous Space Kablooie…"
"Perhaps not THAT far back, Gauntlet." Robin said, looking over, but he didn't seem as irritated as he'd been a second ago: maybe Gauntlet had helped smooth it over.
"Okay, okay. Well it basically all started…"
With the figure entering the bank, holding the small mechanical device in his hand as he casually strolled in. He pressed it against the wall and tapped a few buttons as he walked on.
Past a security guard, who finally noticed he was NOT a normal customer.
"HEY…!"
A blur of motion.
A spray of blood.
A falling body.
And then the screaming started.
"Dude, you catch what I caught?" Beast Boy said quietly to Cyborg as the group sat and listened to Gauntlet's very creative spinning of the Zap Pack incident, which most of them recognized as his best attempt to take the sting out of the episode.
"You mean Spoiler's looks? Yeah. Think there was something there?" Cyborg whispered back, indicating he had indeed caught the subtle nature of Spoiler's expression towards Robin.
"I dunno, Tim's pretty closed to what he was like before he set all this up with us. Maybe there was, or maybe she just wanted there to be."
"Another chronological mismash. Accursed frankenfanon." Cyborg replied. "You think Star's picking up on it?"
"If she is, she's either keeping it to herself or she's learned some stuff from the Kitten incident. Or maybe she just hasn't." Cyborg said. "She's a good girl, and sweet beyond belief, but she does get upset. I just hope she doesn't here, she has a real temper if you can awaken it."
"Yeah. I'd hate to see her if she got REALLY angry."
"Might be unrecognizable…" Cyborg mused, before Robin suddenly speaking up turned their attention back to the others.
"Hold it." Robin said. "Gauntlet, you gave me your communicator as I requested after the Rancid incident. And I know you carry so much junk in your pockets that you probably barely have room for that, let alone a spare. So how did you have your communicator to use on the robot?"
"The one I gave you was a rock wrapped in painted tinfoil." Gauntlet said matter of factly.
Robin arched an eyebrow, and then he leaned down, found a neglected pouch on his utility belt, and pulled out…a circular rock wrapped in tinfoil.
"…so it was." Robin said in deadpan disbelief. "…okay, aside from how I didn't NOTICE that…and more to the point, WHY?" Robin said as he tossed the rock aside.
"My communicator had all my MP4's on it."
Spoiler cracked up laughing, not used to the strangeness that could follow the Titans around. Gauntlet grinned like he'd won the lottery. The young vigilante's amusement helped lighten the grim mood that had fallen over the Tower.
"Are all your debriefings this wonderful?" She asked, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Well lessee…there was the time we made Doctor Light eat a bug…man that was fun. Was that a beetle or an ant…I can't remember. Must have been a beetle, ants don't come in that color anyway. And then there was the whole HERO incident, man that was WILD, we almost died like three times…"
"Oh no!" Spoiler said.
"But in the 'good' way, where it wasn't too dangerous, just dangerous lite, like we knew that it was danger, but the danger wasn't too much…danger…"
"Plus that's pretty much a weekly quota for us." Robin commented.
"Danger…moping. Danger…Zap Pack…they weren't so wonderful…great, now I want to mope…" Gauntlet said.
"No, don't mope!" Spoiler said.
"Okay! You heard the lady!" Gauntlet said. "Well, there was the time that Mortimer showed up…and then the other time that Mortimer showed up. And I understand that he had showed up previously before that!"
"Who's Mortimer?" Spoiler asked.
"A giant sludge monster. By some amazing coincidence, whenever we add a new member, he shows up to attack the city." Robin said.
"…but…why Mortimer?"
"We got sick of referring to him as the random sludge monster, and Gar suggested it." Robin said.
"I thought your sludge monster was called Plasmus?"
"We have two."
"…WHY?"
"I don't know. Nobody has ever claimed responsibility for Mortimer. I theorized he was a variant on Plasmus Slade abandoned as a failure. But then he kept showing up." Robin said.
"With our luck he'll probably outlive us all." Beast Boy said.
"Or get retconned into a world conqueror, thank you very much Brad Meltzer! Anyway…" Gauntlet said, and finished up the story.
"Great, that's done! See Tim, that wasn't so hard! So now what shall we do?" Spoiler asked.
"Oh don't worry, that will cue something. It always does…" Gauntlet said.
Chaos reigned at the bank and outside when the police arrived.
But all that was lost to the Titans, as the device on the wall selectively blocked their communications. They had no idea what was going on.
And if any police had the idea to call them personally, they never got a chance to try.
"I must say I am REALLY amazed. Our author's like clockwork with her tropes." Gauntlet said to Spoiler as they and all the other Titans sat around a large table with paper, pencils, and various other things needed for the activity they had chosen when said trouble Gauntlet had predicted had seemingly failed to emerge.
"Let's not jinx ourselves Rob." Terra said, as she looked up from some notes she was reading. "I think I understand."
"So, we all know how to play?" Cyborg asked. Everyone agreed. "Then let's begin."
And Cyborg popped on his Dungeon-Master hat. Which looked a fair bit like a dunce cap. Why no one made mocking comments, you will soon see.
"You find yourself in a tavern on the outside of town." Cyborg intoned.
"Hey, where are the Cheetoes?" Beast Boy asked.
"They're already on the table."
"Mountain Dew?"
"Gar, stop ripping off the Dead Ale Wives and let's get down to business!" Gauntlet said.
"Right…my Druid looks for traps." Beast Boy said.
"So does my paladin." Gauntlet said.
"So does my halfing." Terra said, going along.
"So does my barbarian. And he looks for INVISIBLE traps." Robin said.
"In a TAVERN?" Spoiler said incredulously.
"Friend Cyborg is quite fond of traps." Starfire informed the visitor.
"Your search turns up no traps." Cyborg said.
"Then I quaff a flagon of mead." Gauntlet said.
"The flagon was trapped. You take 4D6 damage from the spike you just swallowed."
"Crap!" Gauntlet said, and reached for said dice.
"Oh come on Cy, who booby traps MEAD?" Terra complained.
"Hey, I got picked as DM, and we'll DM MY way!" Cyborg said with a grin.
"Cyborg is a harsh DM." Spoiler commented to Gauntlet.
"Yeah, he really rules with an iron fist. Or a metal alloy and cybernetic fist…whew, just seven damage." Gauntlet said.
"I sit very still, so as not to disturb anything." Robin said.
"Oh yeah, this is fun." Spoiler said sarcastically.
"You know what, she's right! I cast magic missile at the DM!" Beast Boy declared.
"A dragon eats all of you. Roll new stats." Cyborg said.
"That's it, you're not allowed to be DM anymore." Robin said.
"Command defied, for I am supreme, and you are loser-Mc-No-Character!"
"The alarm would be nice right about now." Gauntlet said.
Silence.
"No thanks. We're finally calming down. That sort of thing would just cause more harm then good." Robin said.
Dead men tell no tales…nor do they give warnings. And even if they'd tried, they would have fallen on ears made deaf to them.
And panicked, fleeing people are often too concerned with themselves.
As the figure strolled through the bank and, without a care in the world, went to work on the vault.
"You tread through the old, rotted courtyard of the temple…and you see a freize coming forth from the old stones!" Cyborg declared.
"Wait, a freeze?" Gauntlet said in confusion.
"Dude, it's PHASING THROUGH THE WALL. It must be evil!" Beast Boy yelped.
"My half-orc wizard casts magic missile!" Gauntlet yelled.
"My halfling thief dives for cover! I utter a prayer to my player's deity, Thor, giving him a Plus 1 modifier to fleeing in terror!" Terra yelped.
"My paladin uses his sword of Plus 2 damage on the Freeze!" Beast Boy trumpeted.
"I order my familiar, Halfbeak, to attack it with its claws!" Starfire commanded.
"…I cast detect evil." Spoiler said.
"You detect no evil." Cyborg said. The previous four Titans goggled.
"Guys, I think we've been had." Spoiler said.
"TOO LATE! You already cast your spells!" Cyborg cackled. "Starfire, your familiar breaks its claws on the stone Freize, which is a STATUE BUILT INTO A WALL. Gar, roll 1D6. Oops, you fail your equipment damage check. Your sword breaks in half. Rob, you rolled a critical failure. You shoot Gar in the back with the magic missile. Terra, roll 1D8. Oops, you failed your cowering damage avoidance roll. You take two damage, and will have to roll every ten minutes for the next two hours to avoid infection. Spoiler…nothing bad happens to you. YET. Congratulations!"
"Whoo hoo!" Spoiler celebrated.
"Thor finds you gloating at the wounds of his follower insulting and smites you on the spot. Roll a new character."
"THAT'S IT! NEW DM!" Beast Boy yelled.
"Okay okay, fine. I'll stop making you roll food poisoning checks." Cyborg offered.
"My character sits down on a nearby bench to take a drink of water." Robin said in a testing manner.
"You failed to check the bench before you sit down. Roll on the 'random sharp object' table." Cyborg instinctively said.
"All right Vic, time to step down."
"You're all no fun!"
"And what do you call this merciless nose to the grindstone process?" Robin asked.
"Realism."
"MOVE." Robin ordered, pointing.
"Fine." Cyborg said, as he got out of the DM chair, took off the hat, and sat down on another chair. "OUCH!"
Cyborg stood back up and examined the chair he'd just sat on to find a tack.
"You failed to check your chair for sharp objects. Real enough for you?" Terra said sarcastically.
"…wait…Cyborg is mostly machine, how does that work?" Spoiler asked.
"It's a diamond tack. I made it myself." Terra explained.
"…but he has no nerves!"
"Or human emotion. That makes me feel sad." Cyborg said jokingly, clearly enjoying teasing the newcomer.
"You should probably stop asking questions, Steph. Even if they're good questions." Gauntlet said.
"Yeah. Questions are overrated." Cyborg said, as he sat down on the chair again.
And in the background, Terra's pet goldfish, which has never been mentioned before, caught on fire.
"NO! WALLY!" Terra shrieked, as she got up and ran over to the tank.
"How is that POSSIBLE!?!?" Spoiler exclaimed.
"Like I said…that's a very good question." Gauntlet said. The blonde girl gave him a helpless look.
"Nooooooo…I told Wally to stop smoking in bed…WHY DIDN'T HE LISTEN TO ME?" Terra wailed.
"THAT JUST RAISES FURTHER QUESTIONS!" Spoiler yelled.
"Futurama already did it." Robin deadpanned again. "If we're done mourning the goldfish you will never speak of again Terra, we need to pick a new DM."
"Okay." Terra said, already back at the table.
"Now, we can draw lots again…" Robin said.
Rob snatched the DM hat and plunked it on.
"FINALLY! The white, blonde-haired, blue eyed male has the power! Muahahaha…ha…oops. Right. Alright, I've had no time to prepare this, so I'm gonna wing it…"
Any man can rob a bank.
Very few could do it in a slow, uninterrupted, almost refined matter that went on and on without a hint of resistance. The curse of a town come to rely on heroes.
Indeed, had he wanted, he could have driven off and gotten away scot-free.
But that was not the way the game was played.
And so, in the end, he headed over to his device on the wall, disabling it and pocketing it…
"I attack the ogre prince with my staff of Plus 3 against ogres!" Spoiler declared.
"Success! The ogre horde is defeated! EXP and loot for all!" Gauntlet said.
"That was the most by the book roleplaying session ever…not in a bad way, just really well run." Robin said.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I would have set up a joke about me being a bad DM if I'd had time to prepare." Gauntlet said.
…and walked over to the manual alarm as his hand, clad in a black glove and partially protected by a white and red armored high tech wrist gauntlet, seized the lever and yanked it down.
As the computer signal traveled nearly instantaneously across the city and to the Tower of T, as the alarms within finally activated and blared.
"…the alarm went off without interrupting something?" Starfire said in confusion.
"…brace yourself team. This may be our last battle together." Gauntlet said in a doomsday tone.
"Well yeah, I'm not gonna hang around forever." Spoiler said, as she pulled her mask on.
"…yeah, that's what I meant." Gauntlet said, as the girl flipped her hood up.
She was slower then Robin, who was almost already out the door.
"Can we move guys!" He yelled over his shoulder. "Titans, g…!"
"AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!" Gauntlet declared as he ran past Robin.
"DAMMIT ROB!"
And in the bank, the figure chuckled blackly.
"Time to play, Titans. Time to play."
"…oh geez." Robin said, as the Titans arrived several minutes later to the carnage outside the bank, wrecked police vehicles and strewn bodies everywhere. A chunk of the group seemed to be knocked out or disabled, but another chunk was clearly anything but. The Titans checked on the wounded as Robin called for an ambulance, gritting his teeth as he did so. How could someone have done this in such a quick period of time? Why were the streets so quiet? It should have been chaos!
Instead…dead calm, the only sound the wind.
"…I got a real bad feeling team." Robin said as he walked towards the bank and pulled out his staff, as the Titans assembled around him. "We'd best take a quiet touch. No telling what's in there…" Robin said, as the Titans approached the shadowed bank entrance.
"Well, no need in keeping the suspense going then." Came a voice inside the bank.
And he slowly emerged from the shadows at the bank's entranceway, calmly, dramatically, like he was in complete control, the Titans coming to a stop as he came out into the light.
"Hello Titans."
Robin narrowed his eyes, as he looked on the figure, a six foot muscled older teenager with long black hair just past shoulder length: his face's features were harder to tell as they were hidden under a jagged red armored mask that covered most of his forehead and his nose, the only open area the mouth as the mask ran around the outer cheeks and back together to cover the chin: the exposed mouth part had been painted a stark white. The not-quite-yet-a-man wore a dark blue and metallic ridged gray costume with blue high boots and outer pants that were worn over an armored pants (with some blue belts and straps) and armless shirt combo, blue bands wrapped around the teenager's thick biceps before the arms ended in the aforementioned gloves and gauntlets. He wore a white cape that ended just below the knee, and a weapon of some kind was clearly visible on his back.
"Four and a half minutes. Not a bad time. But not a good time either. No." The figure said.
"…and you are?" Robin asked.
"…I am Harm." The figure said, finally named.
"Harm…" Robin said, as the name traced at his memories. "…wait…aren't you dead?"
"I got better." Harm said, gesturing with his arm.
"Same treatment as being turned into a newt then?" Gauntlet cracked.
"Oh, Monty Python. Clever, clever. What next, complaints about flesh wounds? I thought you were the funny one, when obviously you've been watching the work of British has-beens instead of getting past first base with a woman." Harm said darkly.
"WHAT!?"
"You heard me. You don't joke, you are a joke. Amidst like company." Harm said.
It was not easy to fluster Rob. Harm had just done so.
"…that's it, you're going to get squished now." Cyborg said as his arm transformed into his signature sonic cannon.
"No. No. I think not." Harm said.
Cyborg fired at his foe.
And Harm's arm blurred behind him as he yanked a broadsword/scimitar fusion-esque blade from his back, bringing it before him as Cyborg's sonic blast struck it…and was absorbed into it, the power vanishing into the sword…
"What the…!" Cyborg said.
And re-emerging as Harm slashed out and fired the energy back, as it struck Beast Boy before he could react and sent him flying backwards with a scream, before he crashed violently into the side of a car.
"B!" Cyborg cried.
"Beast Boy!" Robin echoed.
As Harm gave a low, dark laugh, spinning his sword in one hand for a few seconds and then gesturing with the other in a motion of challenge.
The game was on.
"NEXT!"
To Be Continued