This chapter is short and to the point...which is to say that there were just a few things that had to be established before we could move on first, as anxious as we all are.
After this things...well...they get interesting.
*smiles sweetly and gives nothing away*
Also: I wanted to thank everyone sincerely for all the beautiful reviews and PM's I've received lately. FFN has been a thorn in my side and refusing to let me reply via my mobile like I always do, so I feel like there have been so many messages I wanted to reply to but didn't get the chance. Please know that I read and am touched by your every word, whether I am able to get back to you or not.
THANK YOU!
~xox~
Olivia's birthday was perhaps one of the sweetest things I had ever been lucky enough to attend. Rosalie made everything beautiful and Olivia wore the puffiest, whitest dress I had ever seen despite her mother trying to coerce her into something more practical. I think it may have been just a dress-up outfit, but Olivia demanded it, calling it her "party dress" and stamping her little foot. Sometimes, she reminded me so much of her mother it was all I could do not to laugh at them interacting. Olivia paired the dress with Tinkerbelle rain boots and I almost died from simply adoring her.
Seeing a two year old hopped up on cake, sugar cookies, and juice boxes was hysterical. The event was at my brother and Rosalie's home just outside Seattle. By the end of the evening the poor little puffy thing was melting down over everything. She was falling asleep standing up and her white dress with the satin bow tied around the waist was covered in all things chocolate, pink frosting, and various shades of juice. My brother had her flopped over his shoulder as we all gathered in the foyer to say our good-byes and head back toward Forks. All the other party-goers had left hours before and the only ones remaining after us were Rosalie's parents, who were staying to help finish clean and then unwind with the parents after the rosy-cheeked toddler was put to bed.
Alice and Jasper were officially living together in his apartment, which I refused to dedicate much thought for Jasper's safety's sake, so they took off in their own vehicle. I held open Bella's door and then followed her into the back seat of my father's SUV. On the ride home we joked around with my parents about the festivities and Rosalie's crazy cousin for a while, but before we were even ten minutes onto the black highway, Bella's head was flopped over on my shoulder and she was breathing deep and regularly. I rested my chin on her head and was asleep within minutes as well. We hadn't been getting a whole lot of shut-eye since I had been in town, so it was much needed.
Blissfully wrapped in my bed sheets at my parents' house, it felt like we were there for only a short moment when the bed began shaking annoyingly. I grumbled incoherently and buried my face deeper into the top of Bella's head and hugged her body tighter where she lay curled around me. My fingers reached out and wrapped blindly around the top of the blankets. I pulled them up higher, over her bare shoulder and to my chin, trying to will away whatever it was that was trying to wake us.
"Isabella Marie Swan."
Shit. It was Charlie.
My eyes shot open to the uniformed man who already had my name circled in red Sharpie at the top of his shit-list, armed and standing over my bed as his naked daughter lay in my arms.
Usually, at the top floor of a three storey house, with a bedroom at the far end of the hallway that only contained my room and the empty one beside it, we were left to our own devices. My parents' room and the library were both on the second floor. They rarely ventured to the top of the house anymore, even during daytime hours, as they basically had no need to. We had always taken advantage of the secluded location and were shamefully continuing to do so.
And Charlie wanted to murder me for it…that much was obvious. Couldn't say I blamed him.
I stammered a few things that only seemed to infuriate him further while Bella squirmed and mumbled inarticulately, worming her way closer to me. Her hand slid up my chest, over my shoulder, and curled around my neck.
I was going to be shot. That much was obvious.
"Not helping," I sung lowly into Bella's ear, gently pulling her hand from my neck and kneeing her in the ass, demanding that she wake-up. She began muttering my name in irritation until her father's voice, finally registering in her brain, promptly cut her off.
"Bells, I have to leave town for a couple of days," he grumbled, his eyes, while icy cold, no longer looked at me or Bella, but rather, he stared at the foot of the bed as if studying it. His cheeks were pink, but not in the same way that Bella's often turned.
She flipped over immediately, clutching the blankets to her chest and blinking up at Charlie who did his best to force his eyes back over to us. I could practically feel my body warming from under the weight of Bella's blushing.
"Daddy," she whispered coarsely, clearing her throat afterward. "Uhm… I…. We…" She sat up and tried to run her hand over her wild hair to smooth it down, but didn't want to let go of the sheets for too long, so she stopped and stared silently at her lap instead. Which was too bad, I was kind of interested to see how she planned on finishing that sentence. "We were just..." It was probably better for all of us that she hadn't.
"I just wanted to let you know I have to leave town for a couple of days. I have to head up to Seattle to hand over a case that's being moved there, finally. They are much better equipped for it than we are. Glad to be getting the paperwork off my desk, actually, so… I tried your cell but I think its dead, it kept going straight to voicemail. Anyway, you have a house key with you, right?"
I snorted obnoxiously despite it being a hazard to my health. Bella turned her head back to glare at me before answering. "No, it's at home in my bedroom, but I can use the spare." She shot me another look to silence any further commentary from me about her being capable of even finding the goddamn thing. I mashed my lips together and pulled my hands from under the sheets and raised them in mock-surrender…to both parties.
"Okay, then. You'll be alright for a couple of days?" Charlie asked gently. It didn't escape me that his eyes were on mine as he asked. Bella was too distracted by her embarrassment to notice.
"Yeah, Dad, I'm fine," she stammered. "Just be safe."
"Right," Charlie grunted. "Okay, I'll call you later tonight when I get everything settled at the station." He bent down to kiss her softly on the head while offering me a not-so-subtle warning with his eyes over her bare shoulder. "I love you, Bells."
"I love you too, Dad."
As the floorboards creaked under his departure, Bella rolled back around to me, groaning dramatically. She buried her face into my chest and pulled the covers over her head.
I laughed at her. "Oh, cut the poor guy some slack," I joked, peeking under the covers at her little red face.
"Poor guy?" she wailed. "What about us? What about me! Oh my god, I might die," she screeched and yanked the covers back down.
Unfortunately, my continued giggling only upset her further. She yelled a stifled string of obscenities at me from under the sheets. I honestly tried to stop laughing, but to no avail - a swearing Bella was very entertaining.
"Oh, come on." What do you expect? It can't be easy," I offered helpfully.
"What can't be easy?" she asked in a tiny voice, peeking out at me.
"Uhh…" I stammered, thinking it was kind of obvious. "All of this. You. Me."
"Naked," she screeched and her face scrunched up pathetically.
"No, Bella. Well…I mean, yeah, but no. I don't know, look at Emmett and Olivia last night. My big, never-knew-emotion-if-it-smashed-him-in-the-face oaf of a brother teared up as she blew at that little number two candle on her cake. I've never seen him smile the way he does when she's running around with a balloon and playing with her friends while he stands there quietly observing. That's his baby. I highly doubt that feeling will ever go away, no matter what the number is on her cake.
"She's his little girl. She cries for him when she breaks a toy and needs it fixed. She runs to him when he gets home from work at night, and she snuggles with him in her tiny little bed while he reads stories about princesses and Dr. Seuss. She goes to him and Rose for everything. That's all she knows and needs. And then some day, a million years from now that I'm sure will feel like the blink of an eye for Em…she won't need him as much. She won't cry to him and she won't cuddle in bed with him. No more princess stories, no more Band-Aids on the knee… He'll realise he's essentially been replaced. I don't know… Shit, it just seems really sad, Bella, especially in your father's case. I guess I just sympathize. It's why I let him shoot me daggers all day, or corner me in a library and try to instil the fear of God in me. He's earned that right, I suppose."
I shrugged and let my mind wander. I truly couldn't fathom being a father and feeling like your little girl was slipping away into adulthood and leaving you behind. The idea alone nearly ruined me.
Bella was quiet for a long time as she let go of the covers and curled back around to face me. My fingers had found their way back under the blankets and were slowly trailing little paths up and down her side, over the swell of her hip, down her thigh, and back again. Her fingertips wiggled at the base of my neck and she hummed softly in my ear, enjoying the light touch.
"I guess you're kinda right," she finally admitted. "I mean, I love my dad, he's everything. But, Edward, don't be so naïve."
"Huh?" I was beginning to fall back asleep at that point. I struggled to reopen my eyes and find hers. "What do you mean?"
Her big eyes were glowing up at me as the sunlight finally began to peek over the roof and through the branches of the huge apple tree outside my bedroom window. The very same tree we used to climb as kids. The one Bella fell from when she was eleven and broke her arm. I was the only one she'd allow to sign her cast. I used to write little stories in tiny scrawl along the length of it to keep her entertained. It seemed like a long time ago to me.
The grey light filtered into various shades of gold and pink as it rose over the horizon and bounced off the fragrant apples into my bedroom. The pale-green flecks in Bella's eyes floated beautifully to the surface while she smiled up at me.
"Band-Aids and shoulders to cry on?" she began, pulling me back to the conversation. "I mean, give me a break. That's always been you. You aren't replacing him. He's my dad and that can never change. But you have always been everything that you still are for me for every day. So you have a right, as well, that's all I'm saying."
I kissed her forehead and she laid her head back against my shoulder and yawned, snuggling into me.
She had a point. I had a right to love her, too.
Later that afternoon, I passed by the old soccer field on my way out of town toward the hospital. I was meeting my father for lunch just for something to do, and because I missed the guy and wanted to catch up a bit with him over my way-too-short stay in Washington.
As I drove by, I saw two teenagers chasing each other playfully around the big grassy area just to the side of mine and Bella's swings. The girl squealed while the boy watched her much more closely than the girl was appreciating. For some reason, something that wouldn't have been too difficult to figure out, the scene made me smile to myself as I accelerated, hitting the fifty MPH zone out of town.
The giddy smile was still on my face when I reached my father's office. It was already well into the afternoon, and he was just now being forced onto a break by the nurses who were all long-time staff and had always adored him. Mercifully, I didn't even have to suggest getting the hell out of the hospital and away from the cafeteria slop. He was already holding his car keys as I opened the door to his office while gently knocking at the same time just to be considerate.
"Hey, son, where do you want to go?" he asked, throwing his white jacket across his desk and checking to ensure his pager was still clipped and functioning at his waist. He ushered me back out the door, following closely behind me.
"I don't care." I shrugged, just wanting the time with my father, truly not caring where that time was at. Well, as long as I didn't have to eat rubber macaroni with burnt coffee, that is.
"Take your time, Cullens," the youngest of the nurses at the front station hollered after us, smiling enthusiastically and waving for some reason. "Enjoy yourselves."
The elevator doors had no sooner closed in front of us than I had my eyebrow arched curiously at my father. He chuckled at me and shook his head.
"I swear I have told her at least two dozen times that you are taken. She's persistent." He shrugged and dug his car keys out of his pocket, leaving me behind in the elevator, both uneasy with the obvious display and thrilled with the idea of my father openly telling people that I was unavailable.
We ended up at the local diner so that we wouldn't have to spend our entire time together in a car to and from another, more decent, place. As my father looked over the menu he made jokes about how unhealthy of a doctor he was just by entering the greasy little place, but then proceeded to order a double cheeseburger with friend onions and bacon, fries, and a regular soda. I laughed at his sheepishness once the waitress left with our orders and pretended I didn't eat like shit on a regular basis back in New York.
Technically, it wasn't too large of a leap, since my junk food days appeared to be numbered. Bella had a string of job opportunities waiting for her in the city, so she was bound to be there a lot more. I always ate better when she was around. We either ate at nicer restaurants with properly balanced entrees, or one of us cooked. However, one thing was for sure, there would be a lot more dessert in my apartment than there ever had been before.
After a lot of generic, but enjoyable small talk with my father, he awkwardly transitioned to asking how everything was going between me and Bella. I had to laugh at how incredibly forced the topic change was.
"Pretty good, I take it," he continued. Clearly, he had been awake when Charlie came over earlier and had heard his version of the morning already.
I didn't even want to think about how that particular interaction played out. I could just imagine a fuming Charlie storming through the kitchen on his way out the side door to his cruiser, catching my father as he poured coffee into his to-go mug on his way to the hospital first thing in the morning, oblivious to it all.
"Yeah…" I hedged slowly with wide, scandalised eyes, diverting my gaze into my fries and feeling the heat creep up my neck.
He laughed. "I mean, other than the good police chief telling me he almost rid me of one of my sons this morning?"
I shook my head, unsure if he was at all upset. Not that he assumed Bella and I were still virginal or anything. Apparently, that ship had definitely sailed several years ago on one unfortunate Christmas Eve night. But still, there was a good chance he would be bothered by the blatant disrespect. I mean, technically, my parents were home the night before...
"Good," I finally answered, glancing at his broad, genuine smile and realising that there was no offense behind it. I nodded repeatedly, smiling to myself as my answer resonated. "I mean, really good. I think she'll be able to find work back in the city so...you know?" I trailed off as a wide smile broke out across my own face.
"That's great, son, really. It's about damn time, don't you think?"
I do think…
"Although," he continued in a more serious tone that caught my attention. "You realise that, if for whatever reason, it doesn't work out the way I know you are hoping, that will be okay too, right?'
"No, Dad, that would suck," I grumbled, glowering at him for raining on my happy, swirly parade.
"Well, I didn't say it wouldn't. But, patience is a virtue, and whatnot….Edward." His very pointed gaze drilled into me and I knew he was referencing my deficiency in the department.
I rolled my eyes petulantly at him and dragged a fry through some ketchup only to drop it back onto my plate while I sulked at thought of how much it actually would suck if Bella wasn't able to move to the east coast again. I couldn't fathom a reason that would keep her in Washington State without me, but fate seemed to both love and hate me simultaneously so, there was never a way to predict those kinds of things in my life.
"If you recall, son, I did the first year of my internship in Denver," he spoke softly. He had officially transitioned into his "Dad" tone.
I looked up and nodded respectfully. I had always known he was in Denver for a year or so when he first graduated med school, but I hadn't ever heard him talk about it much, certainly not directly to me.
"Emmett was already born," he continued. "He was just five months old when I first left. I'll never forget that weekend. I spent the whole time packing and organising last-minute details while your mother lay sick in bed. Renee had been staying with us to help out with the baby since I was too busy to do much. I felt horribly guilty the entire weekend and kept charging into the room, announcing that I wasn't going anywhere and that I would figure something else out since I hadn't been given my first choice of teaching hospitals, only to have her dismiss me and demand that I go finish my packing or else. Technically, Mom only had the flu, but the timing was horrid and I felt wretched for just getting on a plane and leaving her and Emmett and everything behind me, even if technically I couldn't help it." He was silent for a moment as he recalled the time in his life. A time I could definitely relate to.
"I hear that," I grumbled, more to myself than anything else, but he made a muffled scoffing sound as he took a pull from his soda in appreciation.
"Exactly. I felt like I missed everything that first year. I made it home for a few days at Christmas and Emmett's birthday, but that was it. No other holidays and I certainly wasn't there for the countless other things I should have been. Like being for your mother–to comfort her, to reassure her, to help her when the task of caring for a baby became emotionally and physically exhausting. She cried to me at night on the phone sometimes and my heart shattered every time. Even more, oddly enough, when she laughed or I could hear your brother giggling or beginning to talk in the background. While I longed to be there to comfort her during the hard times, my entire being ached over the loss of the good times. There were no cell phones back then, Edward. No video messages of my son walking for the first time or text messages of his smiling face covered in mushy peas. I just had to endure it. We both did. We knew we weren't the first couple to be separated temporarily, and that we wouldn't be the last. We pushed forward and at the end of my first year I will admit that if I hadn't been approved to move back to Washington and finish out my rotation in Seattle, I was going to walk away. Whether your mother would have let me would have been another situation entirely." He laughed, a far-away look in his warm, smiling eyes. "My point is, I know all about patience and its many challenges, as well as the moments that nearly break you down. But in the end, we are stronger for it. Think about it, have you ever heard your mother or I fight drastically? We just don't. We remember as if it were yesterday the pain of separation and the longing to just be together. We know that no matter what, we have one another and you kids and it grants a lot of perspective in life, son. Well, that and seeing Charlie and Bella go through the kind of real loss that they have gone through. Believe me, Edward, you two will be better than fine when you make it to the end of all of this, regardless of how you get there."
I nodded sincerely over my fries at my father's talent for providing real compassion and appreciation when needed. He always knew how to offer real insight that actually resonated and made me feel better. I was almost certain that not every kid was so lucky to have parents as wonderful as mine.
"So, I know that it fucking sucks, is what I'm trying to say," he added, causing me to choke on my soda. My father never cursed, especially in front of his kids. He grinned at me, finishing off his burger while I gaped at him, sputtering. Goddamn doctor and he wasn't even concerned that his son was choking to death over diet soda less than two feet in front of him.
When I finally recovered, he winked at me and smiled his fatherly smile, the kind with the deep wrinkles cracked around the corners of his eyes, and that was that. He genuinely understood how much I hated ever having any distance between me and Bella, or any of my family for that matter, and that I would go to any length possible to protect what we had.
"So…Emmett was a shithead baby?" I eventually joked, trying to force a lighter mood.
He laughed heartily and stole one of my fries, having finished his own. "No, actually, he was a saint. He barely ever cried and slept through the night almost immediately. He always ate well, which knowing him now isn't that shocking, but some kids can be very finicky. He laughed at everything and had huge dimples that everyone adored. I still would never be crass enough to assume it was easy for your mother, being basically on her own. I know it wasn't, but he was literally the perfect baby. You on the other hand you little terror," he raised his eyebrows at me and shook his head while I laughed. "Let's just say that if you ever get the words 'colicky' and 'high-needs' thrown at you, I will sympathize but also find the universe a very just place."
Yeah…I loved him.
I let him finish my fries before we left.
Bella and I said bittersweet good-byes at the airport a few days after that. Bitter because we would both miss our family. Walking away from Washington always felt wrong, regardless of how many times we had done it in the past, especially the older we got. It was sweet because, as we bordered the plane, we waited hand-in-hand, refusing to even unhook our fingers from one another's while we fished in our bags for our boarding passes, much to the steward's annoyance. The man rolled his eyes and eyed the long line behind us dramatically. He could fuck himself, I wasn't letting go of my girl's hand–ever again if I could help it. I smiled obnoxiously at him as I showed him my passport and eventually sauntered passed.
We didn't get the headphones for the in-flight movie, and Bella fell asleep on my shoulder less than thirty minutes after take-off, with her legs draped over the tops of mine. I spent the rest of the flight alternating between typing on my laptop which I had balanced atop her legs, and stroking the back of her hand silently while watching her sleep. She smiled every time my fingers swept along her skin. The day was definitely more sweet than bitter.
Her alerts were not muted, so the moment we walked off the plane and she picked up a signal, her cell began alarming incessantly. We both stopped and eyed her back pocket while she grabbed at it and scrolled through the messages. Her face lit up for a moment and then twisted in contemplation. My own mouth flapped as I tried to form a sentence that would ask what the heck was going on, but she was vibrating palpably and its effect seemed to have drifted toward me and I formed nothing coherent.
She held up her finger to silence me anyhow as she dialled and put the phone to her ear walking away from the noisy crowd. As she listened to her messages her smile broadened and she began pacing. I had already come to the conclusion the call was work-related, so her enthusiasm was beginning to trill through me like I had digested a live sparkler.
We had spent the last couple of months discussing what we would do given each of Bella's options when the time came to make a decision. She remained in contact over her summer in Forks with all of the job prospects she wanted the most which she interviewed with before she left the east coast.
In my mind, as Bella paced and squealed into her phone, I was busy planning where we would stick her little corner desk in my tiny apartment and whether or not she was going to want me to buy new bed sheets. Mine were the same ones that had been on my bed back in Washington since I was fourteen–red and black flannel–and while they were worn and deliciously inviting, I supposed they weren't all that girly. I was fine with it. Bella was staying on the east coast and in my bed every night. The fucking sheets could be hot pink with daisies on them for all I cared.
As she bounced silently on the balls of her feet while trying to remain professional-sounding to whomever was on the other end of the receiver, I planned long nights in the pink-daisy bed. Talking, making love endlessly, waking in the middle of the dark New York night, hearing the same ruckus outside and seeing the same yellow glow of the streetlamp streaking in through the window, smelling the same musty apartment air, but always having my arms wrapped beautifully around Bella's warmth as it melded against mine.
I looked up and realised she was off the phone and standing in front of me. She was slightly hunched over, looking up at me curiously and trying to break my glazed-over expression. She giggled as my eyes noticeably came into focus and I smiled at her.
"So…" she sang and smiled widely, tapping her fingers against the side of her closed cell phone.
"So?" I questioned, but not really…already knowing the answer. I was also rearranging my budget to accommodate the healthier groceries we would be buying. I was fine with that, Bella deserved better than Ethiopian take-out, midnight hotdogs, and microwaveable pizza pockets.
"That was the Washington Post," she cooed, bouncing on her toes again, clearly over the moon.
Oh.
I tried so fucking hard not to let my smile falter as the wave of disappoint smashed into me, I really did. I'm not sure if I was successful or not, but either way, Bella was too excited to notice. She really wanted a job with that paper. It was her first choice regardless of what she would be doing there. Unfortunately, I knew it also meant staying in Baltimore.
"They offered me a full-time copy-editing position. I didn't think they were going to be able to offer me anything full-time above coffee-gopher. Edward!" she screeched and thwacked my shoulder excitedly. "Oh my god, I can't believe it. I mean, copy-editing, meh." She shrugged and grimaced, but smiled at the same time. "But still, the Post and all their connections and, ya know…the freaking Post, so…" she broke of into another bout of squeals and bounces.
"That's great, baby, I'm so happy for you. I know how badly you wanted anything with them. But honestly, you have clearly spent way too much time with my sister this summer," I joked as I draped my arm around her shoulders and continued us along the path toward the baggage claim so that I could allow my smile to wash away for a moment and it would go unnoticed.
I mourned the pink sheets with the little daisies on them.
While disappointment radiated through me like sharp splinters, slicing things open and exposing everything I had deep inside me, I stifled it. I supported Bella. I told her repeatedly as we cleaned her townhouse in Baltimore after she had a tenant in there all summer, how thrilled I was for her. I Googled The Post and then talked excitedly about it over dinners.
I also registered myself in the appropriate programs and met with my dissertation advisors in preparation for the academic year to begin again in several weeks. Everything was shaping up to resume precisely where it had left off at the beginning of the summer–which, while it didn't involve girly daisy sheets, was far superior to being truly separated by thousands of miles and expensive plane rides.
As it was, I sat patiently on the foot of her bed with a familiar smile plastered on my face while she finished buttoning up a pale blue and grey pinstripe blouse and tucked it into her black pencil skirt. She zipped it up, turned it the right way around, and adjusted the shirt. She then bent down to grab a pair of black heels that were probably way more slutty-date-night than office-casual, but her outfit was incredibly conservative so if she really wanted to wear them, she could probably get away with it. Besides, her legs looked fucking amazing, so I doubted anyone would be complaining. She stood straight and smiled at me expectantly.
"What do you think?" She rested her delicate hands on her hips and shuffled a little. My smile broadened at the sight of the onyx ring on her right hand. And she was too impatient to let me actually answer her question. "I mean, obviously I will twist my hair up or something and I can wear some black nylons, because, I think this is a lot of leg..." She bent one leg at the knee and turned back to eye it as if she could actually tell anything from that contorted view of herself.
"You look perfect," I cut her off as the telltale rose crept slowly across her cheeks. That she could ever feel remotely vulnerable or shy in front of me was unfathomable. I chocked it up to nerves.
I stood and crossed the room, sliding passed her to the dresser. Opening the top of the little blue box she used to hold her jewellery, I retrieved the locket I had given her years before. She smirked at me as I came closer and obligingly spun around so her back faced me. I pulled her hair to the side so I could put it on and let it lay gently against her skin. Then, I reached for her right wrist. I slipped the hair elastic from it and tied her hair up off her shoulders.
I meant to kiss that little spot at the nape of her neck that I knew she liked, and I enjoyed just as much because somehow it seemed incredibly intimate even if it was just her neck. However, my lips pressed and refused to move. I had to breathe unsteadily through my nose and mash my eyelids closed to try and stamp back the emotion, tinged with frustration, tinged with every-fucking-other-thing imaginable as it forced it's way to the surface after being ignored for the last several days.
After way too long standing there, not touching her but for my lips, and not facing her, I finally tore myself away. I went and sat back at the foot of the bed just as silently as I had approached. Bella's eyes were so downcast they may have been closed. She drew her lower lip in between her teeth subconsciously and chewed. I lay my hands in my lap and waited. I knew what was coming next. After all, I had just laid all my cards out on the table with that kiss.
"I know you're disappointed," she whispered. "But are you mad?"
Oh. That was unexpected.
I rose quickly. "Isabella, are you kidding me?" I forced her to look at me when she refused. Holding her face in my hands, I kissed her in answer. The kiss was sweet, but it lacked a lot of the things that made us, us. She was still unsure I wasn't angry and she was holding back until she heard my answer.
"Of course I'm not angry, I have nothing to be angry about, Bella. Why, are you?" I asked after a few minutes of quiet contemplation, both of us just searching one another's eyes for things that were going unsaid.
"Why would I be mad?"
"Because I've done it again," I confessed, feeling horrible.
"Yeah, well...baby steps," she offered, trying to smile thoughtfully at me.
"Oh, so you didn't expect me to succeed all at once?" I joked.
"Not really. But only because you try too hard to protect me. You always have and now it's just a part of you. But it's a step that we're even having this conversation, so..." She shrugged and her smile lost the forced aspect and turned more genuine. I kissed the tip of her nose and smiled back, then flopped heavily and gracelessly back onto the bed, groaning dramatically.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I am disappointed. I shouldn't have tried to hide that from you. I just didn't want you to think I wasn't genuinely happy for you to get this job, I know how badly you wanted it."
"It's okay. Besides, you didn't hide it really. I can read you like a book, Cullen," she joked, coming to stand between my spread knees. My arms were bent with my head resting in my upturned palms, but I raised my head off of them enough to glance down at her and smile, shaking my head slowly before letting it fall backward again.
"I just really wanted you to come to New York. I know this is close but...its not..." What was I going to say, hot pink daisy sheets? Because that would make a lot of sense. Everything else was going to be a four-day conversation about all the things Baltimore was but yet still wasn't at the same time.
"I know." Bella pulled her skirt up over her knees and crawled up my legs on the bed. She straddled my waist and smiled down at me. And of course, she did know. I didn't actually have to explain anything. "I just didn't get offered anything decent in New York. And while I would love to live with you and mooch off of you for the next two years, I just can't, you know?"
"I know. I would never expect you to do that, Bella."
"Good, then that's all settled." She spoke with an obvious degree of finality as she yanked my shirt from the waistband of my charcoal grey trousers. I had just come from a meeting with my advisors where I spent the entire fifty-five minutes assuring them repeatedly that I would be handing in my final dissertation for doctorial approval sometime in the next academic year despite their suggestions that I try to set a more realistic timeline for myself. After all, they knew nothing of my real priorities. I would be meeting that deadline.
Bella pushed my shirt up and began trailing kisses along my abs, making me forget completely about all things Baltimore and snooty, doubting advisors. All I felt was the smooth, velvety feel of her lips and tongue sweeping against my skin.
"Now, how do I really look–you never answered me properly?" she asked, peeking up at me from under her lashes as her fingers made quick work of unfastening my pants.
"From this angle?" I moaned while her fingers intentionally brushed my hardening dick. "You look like office sex. And if you end up looking anything like this next Monday when and I am two hundred miles away then I will hunt you down."
"Funny guy..." she cooed softly while sitting up and tugging at my pants to get them over my hips.
"And don't you dare wear those shoes," I added as she ran her tongue up my length, just as a tease, and then climbed off the bed to pull my shoes and socks off. I kicked my pants the rest of the way off as she crawled back up the bed, the heels in question dangling from her fingertips.
"What, these?" She grinned as she flung a leg over my waist to straddle me again, her skirt hitching up around her hips, welcoming my dick with an incredible warmth that it very much enjoyed. "I wasn't really planning on it. I also plan on wearing panties." She winked at me, blushing at the same time…which was precisely why I loved her so fucking much. She dropped the heels and they thudded loudly on the old hardwood below.
I may have muttered a few obscenities as she began unbuttoning her shirt, astutely ignoring me. She pushed it off her shoulders so it fell against the tops of my thighs. Without looking up at me, her fingers worked my own buttons and I remained motionless, staring at her. Her cheeks still had a hint of pink on their apples, her lips were pressed into a tight line while she concentrated on what she was doing. There wasn't much light in the room and her hair was dark, her eyes were flat, and her fingertips kept distracting me as they brushed against my chest.
"Stop that. Why are you just staring at me?" she whispered without looking up. My shirt was unbuttoned and fell open. She leaned forward and rested her palms flat against my undershirt, keeping her eyes on them.
"I already told you. Because you're perfect."
Her eyes lifted and her cheeks darkened, making me smile even more, especially when she rolled her eyes at me predictably.
"I mean it, Bella." I pushed myself up to sit and pulled her tighter against me, which conveniently slid her centre along my already straining dick that was greedy and clearly didn't appreciate the romance of the situation. I tried my best to ignore it. Her hands slid up my chest and her fingertips tickled at the back of my neck, twisting into my hair. "You're so fucking perfect. You have no idea."
I wrapped my hands tight around her hips and lifted. She pushed up off her knees to help guide me and, after a silent exchange between our eyes that said more than words ever could, I resettled her, sliding smoothly inside her body. Just as my own eyes squeezed shut, awash with sensation, I noticed hers doing the same. Our moans were more like relieved sighs and they met one another somewhere in the middle of the small space between us. No matter how many times I had been inside her, making love with Bella was somehow powerful every single fucking time.
I didn't care that her skirt was still bunched up above her hips and she didn't seem to mind that I still had my undershirt on. We were connected everywhere that mattered, and for an indiscernible amount of time, we moved like that. Together, lifting and settling, pushing and pulling, rocking and shifting.
At some point, Bella pushed on my chest until I shimmied backward to the wall. She used it to better brace herself as she extended her arms straight above my shoulders and I leaned back against the wall comfortably. With my head relaxed back, I slid my palms underneath the soft skin of her ass, helping her move against me. My eyes were closed. I belatedly realised the slow trail she was making along my neck and under my jaw had stopped. I opened my eyes to find her rocked back, essentially sitting in my hands, and looking thoughtfully at me.
"What?" I could barely push the word out. I was out of breath. Sweat was dripping down my forehead and into my eyes, stinging them and matting my hair against my skin. Her apartment had no air conditioning and the combination of the stifling end of summer weather and our exertions made the room approximately four hundred degrees. Bella's face was just as pink and sticky as I imagined mine to be, and her own hair had wet strands that had either fallen or been tugged by me from the knot I had tied at the nape of her neck.
"Nothing. I'm just looking at you." In the setting sun I could still see her face well enough to notice how soft her eyes were and how sweet her smile was.
"Why? Because I was staring at you earlier?" The corner of my mouth lifted in a tired grin. I guided her hips softly with my hands in one full, slow circle, my eyes lowering slowly down her chest to her skirt and back up again, over the perfect pink nipples I knew so well and back to her eyes, which had hooded as the sensation rocked through her. I bit my own lip to quiet the feeling as it hit me too, curling my toes and making it almost impossible to keep hanging on.
"No. Just because," she whispered, her eyelids not seeming to remember how to open fully. "Because I can."
"Fair enough." I pulled my hands from underneath her and wrapped my arms around her body, forcing her against me so we could finish what we started with her as close as possible.
Her faint moans trickled into whimpers and I knew she was too close to have not fallen over the edge already. She was fighting it. I could only fight so long and I had about reached my limit. I twisted my hand into her messy knot of hair and pulled her head off my shoulder and back an inch to look at me, while softly cradling her opposite cheek in my other hand in an attempt to balance the force.
"What?" I panted desperately, the sound barely registering as a real word, but instead sounding more like an elongated whine.
"I would really like to marry you, Edward," she blurted out between breaths.
Instead of smiling at her sweet confession, my face twisted into something just shy of anger. It was a combination of fatigue, desperation, and frustration. "I tried to get you to marry me like two years ago, Isabella. Now shut up and come or you're not going to." I yanked her hips roughly forward and into me, driving myself deeper and giving her the friction that should have sent her into a tailspin given how close she was dangling.
She wailed in my ear and her forehead hit my shoulder, but she still fought against the wave. "Fine. How about in two years when all this shit is over? Do you think you can pencil me in, then?" She whimpered as she began to lose the fight, but held out a few seconds longer as I considered her words. In truth, I could appreciate the need for something concrete to hold onto at times. I had obviously had similar needs in the past. It was just her miserable timing I was objecting to.
"Yes, Bella, two years from fucking today, I promise. Please, baby..."
At the sound of my needy pleas and promises, while my voice cracked and my fingers dug into the soft flesh of her hips, she shattered around me. Her body trembled beautifully in my arms and I fell immediately in line with her, trying, through the chaotic haze of our shared climax, to remember the date so I could keep my promise.
It was August thirteenth.
*hides binder behind back*
Nothing to see here...
*whistles*
(let's pretend I know how, which shamefully, I do not)
The next four chapters are outlined and can I just say how EXCITED I am to be getting to this stuff at long last.
SQUEEEEE with me, kay?
Love me!
Air
xox