Leila had asked Hawke to take Anders' watch, so he could rest. Whatever was happening to him was straining him awfully and she was worried about him. During the last months he have had so many trails, disappointments and tribulations, she wished she could make it all right for him. Heal him as he did others. If only she could believe that she had the strength. She looked at his sleeping form from a distance and didn't realise that Fenris sat down next to her.
"He is right to warn you away. You should be afraid of him." Fenris stated looking at her.
"I refuse to give into fear. Fear will leave me paralyzed and unable to act." Leila replied.
"Fear is survival." Fenris cautioned.
"There is a difference between fear and respect. I sense my fear, but I choose to let it show itself as respect and caution. It keeps me from taken unnecessary risks, but is unable to control me." Leila replied.
"I can't decide if you are innocent or naive." He replied looking at her and she gave him a small smile.
"I guess both are a point of view. If you follow the Andrastian religion, I am anything but innocent. I am rather a lost soul that needs salvation. As for naive... sometimes I wish I were." She replied with a sigh.
"He is more dangerous than you want to admit. No matter what, he will always be an abomination." He replied.
"And you always a slave trained for murder?" She retorted and though it was not said with any hostility, she regretted her comment instantly.
"I'm sorry, Fenris... That is not how I see you, I hope you realise that." She replied her voice filled with heartfelt regret.
"I know... You do tend to see the best in people, even when it is not there." He said with fondness.
"Just because others are blind to it, it doesn't mean it isn't there." She teased with a smile and he chuckled.
"True... Go get some rest." He replied. She stood up and gave him a friendly peck on his cheek, before going to bed.
She had to suppress a chuckle at the sight, as she returned to her bedroll. Ebony was curled up next to Anders, almost protectively guarding him. Perhaps that would give the others some relief. She could see that they were afraid of Anders or for him. Truth be told so was she. She was always afraid for him. She lay down and held his hand, as she tried to get that last hour of rest.
-OOO-
When they awoke that had no idea, what time it was. They were too far down for the sunlight to shine down here, so all they could do was guess. Leila stretched and cringed as she could smell herself.
"The first thing I am doing, when we got back to Kirkwall is taking a long bath!" Leila exclaimed.
"Me too. Perhaps we could take it together?" Isabella winked.
"If anyone is sharing a tub with her, it's me." Anders replied kissing Leila's cheek.
"We'll see... I still haven't forgiven you for that ogre comment." Leila faked offense and Anders groaned.
"I wasn't referring to you." He replied.
"You are not making a good case there, Blondie." Varric replied and Leila got up while chuckling.
They began walking again and came across the bodies of some long dead dwarves. Anders told Leila about the legion of the dead and she was fascinated and impressed by their sacrifice. The dwarven society was so different from Kirkwall and it was not a subject she had studied. The further they got the more uncomfortable everyone became. They were all silent and several people were trying to make conversation, but failed. Leila hadn't noticed until now, but Merrill seemed a little twitchy around Anders. Not in a frightened way though. Anders must have noticed it too, because he broke the silence.
"Were you trying to look at my grimoire the other day?" He enquired.
"Me? What? No! When?" Merrill asked clearly embarrassed.
"At home, while I was talking to Hawke. I saw you looking in one of my books. You know, those are private." He said in a slightly stern fashion.
"I know that's why-oh, fine, I admit it. I was hoping you'd have um... dirty spells." Merrill replied with a blush and Leila had to burst out laughing.
"Dirty spells?" Anders replied with widened eyes.
"You know to um, make things more exciting. Oh, I shouldn't have said anything." Merrill replied looking away.
"More exciting? For you and Hawke?" Anders replied with a smirk.
"Stop. Just... stop right there." Hawke replied looking completely mortified.
"Why so shy, Garrett? He does have quite a few of those spells." Leila chuckled teasingly earning a glare from Anders.
"Well, you do." She said innocently and Anders blushed a little.
"That's my girls!" Isabella laughed.
"Perhaps I'll give you a demonstration later." Anders said in a low voice with a suggestive smirk, his eyes smouldering.
"I look forward to it." Leila purred with a smile.
"Really guys? Here? In the middle of a pit full of darkspawn?" Carver quirked an eyebrow. Leila and Anders just chuckled in responds.
As they walked the encountered more darkspawn. Leila understood perfectly why Anders hated this place. She never wanted to see this place again. She was happy that she was this well protected and at the same time frustrated that she needed it. Sebastian was right. She belonged in Hightown with its politics and easily manipulated nobles. At some level this annoyed her. She looked at Anders. He was trying to start a revolution and he needed to fight. How could she help him? How could she be at his side, when she could not even protect herself? Images of him dying in order to protect her or her being the cause of the templars catching up to him, filled her mind. It was enough to make her cry, but she had to remain strong and hope that she would be able to help in a different way. As they walked Anders' expression turned strained again.
"Stop! Just make him stop talking! Make him stop!" Anders cried pleadingly and Leila was at his side immediately. He grabbed on tight to the amulet and her hand. He was squeezing tightly and it hurt, but she didn't care. He needed her, as she needed him.
"He'll kill us all if he allows his insanity to take him!" Fenris growled.
"If you are that afraid of him, maybe antagonizing him is not the best idea." Leila replied sternly with a nasty glare.
"It's Corypheus. He can hear Corypheus." Carver replied.
"Think... happy thoughts! Raindrops, roses, kittens!" Hawke tried unhelpfully.
Anders took himself to his head and Leila could see it getting worse.
"What's wrong? Tell me what to do!" Leila pleaded holding a hand on his cheek.
"I can't... The voices... Wardens... the joining... I have too much taint in my blood. I can't shut him out. Help me, love... I will not... be controlled!" Anders replied, as blue cracks formed over his body and Justice's voice penetrated his own. Leila took his hand and placed it on the amulet. She felt a hand on her shoulder trying to pull her away. She turned and saw Sebstian.
"Get away from me." She hissed, as she pushed him away and began stroking Anders face.
"He is dangerous! You can't..." Sebastian began, but Hawke pulled him back.
"Stay away, Sebastian." Hawke said seriously.
"Remember Justice... please remember... I love you so much... please." Leila said in a low voice holding his hands on the amulet. She knew this was dangerous, but Death said that Justice recognized her as his own kind and she so dearly hoped that he would now. All of them were watching with unbearable worry, as Leila just stood there holding onto him. They all knew what this spirit was capable of and it was terrifying. Justice opened his eyes and for a moment looked like he was burning with fury. Leila looked at him with worry, fear and concern. Not of him, but for him. Then suddenly he moved and all draw their weapons, only they did not expect what actually happened. Justice captured Leila's lips in a bruising kiss, which soon became softer. For the first time he was the one to truly kiss her and his heart swelled more than he cared to admit, as she returned it. He pulled away looking down at her and she smiled softly.
"That was unexpected." She smiled in a low voice.
"I wanted you to know I was a friend." He said softly and she gave a low chuckle, as she was reminded of their first kiss. That had been nothing like this though. This had feelings of affection merged into it and was more meaningful, than the chaste kiss she had given him then.
"There is an evil here that must be destroyed... No harm can come to you. I won't allow it." He said firmly and she stroked his cheek. Then as quickly as he appeared Justice disappeared, once again revealing Anders' warm brown eyes. For a moment he looked terrified and studied Leila.
"Did he hurt you?" Anders asked concerned.
"Hurt her? Are you kidding? Your spirit buddy just made a confession of love. No one is going to believe it." Varric smirked though his amazement was clear.
"Oh, so that was what he meant!" Merrill said at the realisation.
"What are they talking about?" Anders asked looking down at Leila.
"I'll tell you later. Are you alright?" She asked concerned and he pulled her close.
"Yes... thank you love." He said in a low voice.
"Alright you two, lovebirds. Let's get this over with." Hawke smirked and walked along.
He patted Sebastian twice on his shoulder, as the prince was looking pale and hurt. Not to mention surprised. They all did. Nothing had been able to calm Justice before, but Leila's compassion seemed to penetrate his vengeance. Or it could be the love that the spirit seemed harbour for her, that kept is anger at bay. Whatever it was, Hawke was convinced that Anders should never be without her. They arrived at the final seal and managed to get rid of the final pride demon. They encountered Laurias again and he was shortly joined by some other wardens. The leader introduced herself as Janika. Leila's emotions were overwhelming and she could hardly pay attention to the conversation. She knew that Anders and Justice were one to an extent, but she had never realised that Justice had feelings for her as well. She knew how close Anders had come to losing control completely and knew that the chance of her ending up like Ella, had been a possibility. She would have been knocked over and Hawke would have had to save her, but she had to try. Leila needed to know that she was right, when she said she had nothing to fear from them. And she had been, neither Anders nor Justice would ever harm her. She saw the look on Sebastian's face as they walked past him. He had been hurt and maybe even disappointed. The images of Anders' dead body, with Sebastian's arrows in his chest came to mind. She shook it off and realized that the conversation had taken different turn. Hawke looked at Anders and listened intensely to his warnings. Of all his companions, Anders was the person whose judgement he trusted the most. Hawke refused to help Janika and they all ran after Laurias. They ran through the tower again, until they were trapped in the middle of it by some Carta. After the Carta had been killed they needed to remove the barrier. Hawke looked up at the construction and looked confused. Leila looked up and a pattern emerged, as she realized the combination. She began turning the metal on the pillars and for once she was not as useless as she thought. In less than a few minutes she had solved the puzzle and Hawke gave her a bright smile.
"You should come along more often. The puzzles in Orlias were almost impossible." Hawke smirked.
"We should move on." Fenris reminded them.
They had another run in with Janeka, but eventually they reached the top of the tower. After another confrontation with Janeka, which led to her death, Hawke walked to the centre. Leila looked down at the dead wardens and her heart ache. She had seen so much death in the past three days and it was tearing at her heart. She then felt Anders' arms around her, consoling her without any need for words.
"Alright, if we are going to slay this guy, I need you Leila to stay at a distance." Hawke instructed and she nodded.
Leila walked back the way they came and looked back. Anders gave her a comforting smile. Ebony was at her side and gave a worried whine. She stroked the dog and in truth she was worried as well. She saw a large darkspawn appear in the middle of the room, but could not hear the conversation. She was surprised that they were even having one. Anders seemed almost upset about something and she was aching to get closer. However the darkspawn began to attack and all kinds of forces were released upon her companions. She felt her hand reaching for her bow again and again, but she had promised to stay at a distance. Her being in the middle of it, would only make them worried. They had enough without having to worry about her. Damn, she was tired of feeling like a helpless child. Suddenly a huge storm formed and she sat down on the ground holding onto Ebony and the railing. The wind was howling and it was so fast and cold, it felt as if it was tearing her skin. She released the belt in the back and the large coat unfolded. Still pushed up against the railing, she made Ebony come in under her coat and hid herself in it as well, leaving none of her skin exposed to the wind. Suddenly the storm vanished and she emerged from her "tent". Anders came running towards her, concern written all over his face. She stood up and ran towards him. He embraced her and kissed her hair.
"Are you alright, love?" He asked and she looked at him with disbelief.
"You just fought that thing and you are asking me, if I'm alright?" She chuckled and gave him a kiss. Hawke came up to them.
"Hey Anders, take a look at this." Hawke said and threw a amulet at him. Anders caught it and looked at it with widened eyes.
"That amulet... No one used that pattern since before the first blight. It was unique to a small sect in Tevinter, who worshipped the god Dumat. Coryphaeus really was an ancient magister. I always thought the black city was just a story." Anders replied with amazement.
"Even if it's true, it doesn't justify punishing mages over a thousand years later." Hawke replied.
"Do you think? What else may the chantry know that we don't? I will need to study this further." Anders replied clearly shaken. Leila took his hand and squeezed it tightly.
"Let's get out of here. The sooner we get back to Kirkwall the better." Varric encouraged and led the way.
"Don't forget we still have that mage and his army of archers to dispose of." Carver reminded him.
While the others were taking care of the mage and the skeletons, Merrill and Leila found two domesticated brontos and two small wagons. The one Hawke had hired was long gone and Leila did feel bad about leaving the creatures there to die. It was the middle of the night by now and the stars were shining bright. Leila couldn't wait to get back to Kirkwall. These days had been far too long and painful. Sitting in the back of one of the wagons, she was wrapped in Anders' arm and resting her head on his shoulder. She felt his lips on the top of her head from time to time. He was undoubtedly to shaken to sleep. So much had happened to him during these past days. So much that he didn't deserve. She opened her eyes and saw him looking at the amulet. He had been looking at it since they left. She took his hand in hers.
"You should get some rest." She said softly.
"I can't... What if the chantry was right?" He said still looking at the amulet.
"Being right about a historical fact, does not mean that they take the right actions. Besides from what I know of institutions that strive for power, they only release the information that they want people to know. There are probably many things hidden in the name of the Maker. If he really exists I wonder if he will be ashamed." Leila replied and Anders smiled, giving her a small kiss. He put the amulet in his pocket and put both arms around her.
"Am I weak because I don't want to hurt people?" She asked softly.
"No, you are a good person. Far better than I am... Does it frighten you that I have?" He asked carefully.
"No... I just feel sorry that it is necessary... In some ways it seems so odd to think of you like that. Even after what has happened the last few days." She replied with a soft smile and leaned her head into his chest.
"I only do it to defend myself or as an act of mercy. I have not killed anyone who didn't attack me until..." He hesitated.
"Justice." She finished for him.
"Yes... I haven't killed anyone since that day in the Gallows, not even to defend myself. I don't want to end lives... especially not innocent ones." He replied sadly.
"I know..." She replied and held him close.
They travelled for several hours and finally arrived back at Kirkwall. They had agreed not to tell Leandra that Leila had nearly died. Some of this was too painful for her to know. They returned home to a worried Leandra who embraced them all lovingly. She had probably been concerned since they left. Currently Hawke, Merrill, Carver, Leila, Anders and Leandra sat in the dining room talking about the events that had happened.
"It was all about blood. About father." Carver said sadly.
"Oh, Malcolm. I can't believe... It's like he is still with us, but it's not true. Not really... He went through so much to protect us. I wish he would have shared the burden." Leandra said sadly.
"How did the heir to the Amell's meet a Ferelden apostate anyway?" Hawke asked.
"Not by prowling the sewers I hope." Carver replied wryly.
"I'm sitting right here you know." Anders replied with offense.
"Not fancy enough for you, Carver? With the places you usually go, you are most likely to get a date with a hurlock." Leila replied with a smirk.
"You can't date a Hurlock... can you? I mean how would you prevent them from trying to kill you?" Merrill mused.
"That would be awkward at family reunions! Two wardens and a darkspawn? Not to mention what the children would look like." Hawke chuckled.
"Maker! There's an image that won't be easily forgotten!" Carver laughed.
"See, my apostate is not looking so bad now, is he?" Leila replied with a faked sense of superiority. Anders snickered and gave her a kiss.
"That's enough. Do you want to hear the story or not?" Leandra smiled.
"Sorry, of course mother." Hawke smiled.
"Well, he wasn't an apostate then. He was a Junior enchanter in the Gallows. Back when they would perform at the Viscounts functions. I believed all mages were grim old men in strange robes, but Malcolm was... He was such a wit. Never had a straight answer for anything." Leandra smiled.
"That sounds familiar." Anders smirked looking at Hawke, who just shrugged with a grin.
"He was infuriating and fascinating. We found ways to meet more privately after that." Leandra chuckled.
"Would he really have been a Hawke, if he didn't try to fix every problem in the world single handily?" Hawke chuckled.
"No, so I should know by now not try to stop any of you." Leandra chuckled, but her expression turned sad.
"I just wish he was still here. I have made such an utter muck of it since he had been gone." She sighed regretfully.
"He would have had to run from the blight too. Nothing would have changed that." Carver soothed.
"But he could have kept Bethany alive. I couldn't... and everything that has happened with you." Leandra sighed looking at Leila. Leila reached for her hand and stroked it.
"It was not your fault and even with everything that has happened, I found happiness here." Leila smiled looking at Anders, who stroked her cheek lovingly.
"You're a good girl." Leandra smiled fondly. Orana came into the room.
"Your bath is ready mistress. Should I prepare one for you Master and your guest as well?" Orana asked.
"Yes, thank you." Hawke smiled.
"Thank you, Orana. If you'll excuse me... How long are you staying Carver?" Leila smiled.
"I am expected back in three days, so I'll stay until the day after tomorrow." Carver replied and Leila smiled.
Upstairs Leila got undressed and walked to the tub. She smiled at the scent of the apple scented oils and slowly got in the tub. The warmth embraced her and she realised that she had felt cold. It was as if she had missed even the simple signals from her body. Cold, warmth, hunger, fatigue... all of it had been ignored. She leaned back in the tub and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth. Then flashes of all the death she had seen came crashing back to her. She had stood face to face with her own mortality, when she was finally living because she wanted too and not because she had too. She reached for a book, but could not concentrate on the words on the page. All she saw was dead wardens, dead dwarves and darkspawn. In frustration she threw the book on the bed and suddenly she felt cold again. The water was still warm, but the trembling sensation didn't leave her. She heard the door open and Anders appeared in the doorway between the bathing chamber and the bedroom. He smiled softly, but his eyes were sad. He was probably mirroring her expression. She stood up in the tub and beckoned him with a finger. His smile turned genuine and bright. As he walked closer to the tub his eyes filled with anticipation. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply and felt his hands roam over her wet body. He pulled away and began undressing himself, as she sat back down in the tub. He then joined her in the tub facing her and she straddled him. He embraced her, pressed her wet body against him and took in her scent, before releasing a contented sigh. Leila reached for the wash cloth and let it roam over his arms, chest and neck. He hummed with a sense of relaxation and closed his eyes leaning back against the tub.
"Did you mean it?" He asked softly.
"Mean what?" She asked still concentrating on her task.
"Are you happy here... with me?" He asked looking into her eyes.
"I have been content before... but it is only with you that I am happy." She smiled sweetly and he pulled her close for a kiss.
"You make me happy as well." He smiled and took the washcloth and let it softly caress her neck and shoulders. Her hands went to his hair and released it from the leather band holding it in place. She encouraged him to duck under the water and wet his hair. As soon as he came up, she claimed his lips again. She felt the water getting warmer again and saw his hands glowing warming up the water.
"I am never letting go of you. You're useful." She smiled with mischief in her eyes and he chuckled.
"Is that why you love me? Because I light fires and heat water?" He faked offense.
"Don't forget ice cream." She teased and then became more serious."I don't love you because of your magic, but I do love you because of what you choose to do with it. You are the best person I have ever met." She replied running her fingers through his wet hair and he looked at her with adoration.
"You are kindest, wisest and most beautiful woman in Kirkwall... How did I get so lucky?" He replied lovingly.
"Luck had nothing to do with it. You deserve to be loved... both of you. Don't let anyone make you believe any different." She smiled and started rubbing his shoulders.
"I promise one day the world will change and we won't have to hide... Then I am going to show all those nobles that you are with me." He smirked.
"Feeling territorial are we?" She gave a low chuckle.
"Very." He replied in a low teasing growl and kissed her.
Her hands started to roam over his chest and down his side, as his hands started caressing her breasts. He released a little cold from his hand, as his fingers played with her nipples. She threw her head back in a gasp and he began kissing her neck. The familiar blue glow started to surround him again and everywhere he touched left a tingling sensation, in addition to the other pleasures combined with his touch. Her hand moved down his chest, stomach and down to his arousal. He breathed heavily and a low moan escaped him, as she started moving her hand. She felt his hand caressing the inside of her thigh, giving of a slight vibrating sensation from the blue magic emanating from his skin. It was different, when Justice's presence showed itself this way. He didn't seem to be on fire, as when he was provoked by his fury. It was a glow and at no point was Anders out of control or at the spirits mercy. In these few occasions host and spirit coexisted in harmony. She gave a moan as his hand began exploring her core, touching every nerve that reduced her breath to short gasps. She removed her hand from him and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer, giving him access into her. Their eyes locked as their bodies joined and began moving in unison. His brown eyes emanated a soft blue glow and looked at her lovingly.
"I love you." Their voices said lovingly and Leila felt her heart beat faster, as a surge of electricity went through her.
"I love you too." She replied and claimed their lips.
-OOO- Author's note -OOO-
I decided to include Leila in this adventure, because Anders' big role in it. I wanted her to be present at a time where he was truly vulnerable. This also gave me the opportunity to show an improvement in Anders' self control. I used quite some dialogue from the game, but I hope you found it enjoyable all the same and felt that Leila contributed something to it. I hope you enjoyed them and that none of you believed that I would actually kill Leila. Please let me know what you think.