"Walk away/ Head for the light of day/ Follow a brighter way/ Out of the cold and dark/ Down to that one bright spark/ Futures that all might start/ Someday."- "If I Walk Away" by Josh Groban
When she had left, a little part of her had hoped that someone would come running after her. Actually, she really wanted Nate to chase after her, like a shadow of the relationship they used to share. Of course, this wasn't a fairy tale or a movie, so she simply got on a plane and they stayed in Boston.
She had to figure herself out because she hadn't been lying when she had told Nate that she was struggling to remember who she was. She had changed, and she didn't know what to do with the woman who looked back at her from the mirror. So, she was in London because it was as good a place as any to start searching for herself (no matter how she tried to phrase it, the idea still came out sounding completely lame and clichéd).
She should have been prepared for the avalanche of phone calls she got from the team on their first job after she left; it felt good to know that she was missed not only because they liked her at least a little bit, but also because they felt like they needed her. The only person who didn't call was Nate; well, he did eventually, but he was the last one. That really shouldn't have bothered her as much as it did. But, she was becoming aware of the fact that just because she needed to figure out her own identity, that didn't mean she could cut the team out of her life. She needed them to keep her anchored because otherwise, she would be floating out in the middle of nowhere without a clue. Every phone call reminded her that she was real, that she was a person even in the midst of identities that had somehow swallowed her whole.
So, when she opened her door on Nate in the hallway, her heart had jumped into her throat. Then, when she realized that he was there for her because he wanted her to come back, she managed to get a handle on herself because she had been considering running back to Boston with him. This was becoming about more than just figuring herself out; this was also about them and about what was in their future. Part of her was too tied up in him to be able to be completely separated, so she had resigned herself to the fact that she had to resolve the "Nate issue" before she could go back. She would be better off if she could give up on that spark of hope that she huddled jealously to her chest to keep it from blowing out; however, she knew that wasn't going to happen when he was standing in front of her, teetering on the edge of saying that he needed her, not for a job or to keep the team together, but because he couldn't figure himself out with her.
Pride always got in the way, though, which was why she knew she couldn't get on that plane. She couldn't even watch him leave because it felt too much like he was walking out on her forever. But, as she held the ticket in her hands, she latched onto one thought: he had come after her.