The stars shone on overhead, hanging in the sky like snowflakes on a sheet of black ice. It seemed odd to think that the same stars that were home to countless long-lead cats could observe a battle with such soullessness. But this was not a battle of the stars; it was a one-on-one match between two desperate cats.
Had they been fighting for minutes or hours? The pain that wracked Honeystar's body screamed for her to put an end to it, as did her better judgement. Dewdrop stumbled once again, exposing her soft belly fur for a second. Honeystar's claws could have flashed out at that moment and sliced Dewdrop's stomach open. But she kept her paws tucked in close to her chest as she crouched, waiting for the moment she knew would never come: the moment when she'd be ready to finish this.
She had been so certain of what she had to do when she'd told Rubblefang her intentions. But now that it would be so easy to kill Dewdrop, Honeystar couldn't bring herself to. She cursed herself for her weakness. It wasn't fair! Why did she have to be such an emotional being? Honeystar wished she could turn her heart to ice, just for a minute- long enough to get the job done. But as long as she knew who Dewdrop was to her, or at least who she had once been, she couldn't force herself to harm her.
Dewdrop jumped onto Honeystar's back, digging her claws in- but perhaps not as hard as she could have. Maybe she was holding back too. Honeystar twisted around, throwing Dewdrop off her. She lay on the ground for around twenty seconds; Honeystar was counting. There was an almost questioning expression on her face. Then she slowly climbed to her paws.
"Why do you keep letting me live?!" she demanded. "You know I wouldn't do the same for you! Why won't you just hurry up and kill me already?"
"Why won't you just kill me?" Honeystar shot back. "You didn't have any problem with trying it once already."
Dewdrop didn't answer. She seemed… scared. Honeystar fought against letting her guard down like she had before. There was no getting through to her sister; she realized that now. But knowing something and acting on it were two different things.
"The two of us are alone now, Dewdrop," Honeystar mewed. "The only thing you have to be scared of is me."
She took a step toward her sister, who flinched. She looked so vulnerable. But Honeystar wouldn't fall for the same trick twice. She kept her eyes on Dewdrop's claws as she spoke, the tips of which barely protruded from her paws.
"There are no tricks you can play on me now," she continued. "Just attack me like you really mean it, because I know you do."
"Honeystar! You know I can't fight like you can!" Dewdrop's mew sounded almost accusing. "Stop projecting your own shortcomings onto me, because it's you who is letting me win, not the other way around!"
It was true, of course. Every fibre of Honeystar's being wanted her to do one thing, but some invisible part of her had taken control- the part of her that could never see a cat for who they truly were, as long as she wanted them to be somebody else.
Dewdrop stared at Honeystar, and she could tell she was looking right at that invisible part of her. What did she think of it? When Honeystar looked back, all she saw was a waste of what could have been a beautiful life.
"We could have shared that life," she whispered, although she knew Dewdrop wouldn't understand what she meant. "It could have been ours if you hadn't been taken from me." Resentment for the Alliance surged up in Honeystar's chest. "You don't need to keep being this cat. Arrow isn't watching."
"None of your Clanmates are watching, either," Dewdrop observed, tilting her head slightly and smiling in a twisted way. "But you're still the cat you became while living with them. Why should I still hold some ancient love for the life I can barely remember?"
"You still remember it perfectly fine," Honeystar said accusingly. "You remember playing with me when we were kits, don't you? I know you remember the riverside. And the rock-wall-cave- although you weren't there for long- you still remember being there, don't you?"
It was as clear as day to Honeystar. The rock face stretching up, up, up, above them. Had Honeykit not seen it from the bottom, she wouldn't have believed it had a top. It just seemed to keep going and going forever. Dewkit was already near the top, shouting down to assure her that they were almost there. With a final surge of energy, Honeykit propelled herself up to a higher ledge. But her paws slipped on the moss that lined the ledge and she fell backward, crying out in shock…
"You saved me that day," Honeystar murmured. "How can you hate me now?"
"If I could go back in time to that moment, I'd let you fall."
Dewdrop's unblinking stare revealed nothing other than what she said, no matter how hard Honeystar searched for a sign that she didn't really mean it.
"Do you really mean that?" she asked even though she already knew the answer.
"Yes," Dewdrop answered simply.
Somewhere deep within Honeystar, something shifted. It was like a boulder sat blocking the path of a river, but some cat had finally rolled it out of the way. Now all the water that had been blocked up at the top was able to come crashing down in a waterfall of blind rage. It was not emotionless as Honeystar had begged herself to become, even just for a second. Instead, it was the most passionate she'd ever felt. But now she had finally been able to let go and harness the correct emotions.
Thank you for giving me the confirmation I needed, she felt herself thinking. Now I know what I hoped I hadn't known all along- that there's no saving the cat I used to know.
"You're welcome," she thought she heard someone whisper. But maybe it was only her imagination. In fact, maybe nothing had really been said at all…
As Honeystar leapt onto Dewdrop, she felt as though she were waking up from a dream. Now she could finally let herself finish what she'd started. The cat who she used to call her sister tried to strike out at her, but Honeystar bit down on her front leg. Dewdrop shrieked; Honeystar didn't shrink away at the sound this time. Yes, this really was a different cat than the one she still missed so dearly. No, that cat was never coming back, and no, that cat was nowhere inside of the one Honeystar was fighting now. So yes, this battle was over.
"Sister, please stop hurting me!" Dewdrop pleaded while she thrashed around under Honeystar's grip. "I didn't mean to hurt you before. The dog fangs they put in our claws get slippery, and sometimes they just pop out without us meaning to! If I'd really wanted to do you any harm, I would have done so already! Please, just let me go!"
"Well, that's funny," Honeystar growled. "For a cat who doesn't want to hurt anybody, you sure do have a lot of blood on your paws."
She could see the face of a stranger below her. Its wide pale blue eyes were filled with a thousand emotions, both real and fake. Its gray-and-white fur was no longer immaculately groomed after tumbling about in the snow for so long. Her bright pick collar…
Suddenly Honeystar realized just how thick the material of the collar was. What need would she have for it to be that thick? Unless… she was hiding something inside of it…
In a quick motion, Honeystar reached for Dewdrop's neck. She shrunk back, wailing. But instead of doing what she could have done, Honeystar simply flipped the collar around so that the inside faced out, and vice versa. Then she pulled away, acting like the wild kick that Dewdrop had thrown had connected.
"There is no blood on my paws that you don't also have on yours," Dewdrop accused. "I am an innocent compared to you."
That was an absurd claim, of course, but Honeystar decided to play along. She gazed longingly at Dewdrop- or she pretended to, at least. She feared that if she really looked too deep into those eyes, she'd start looking for something she recognized again.
"Come closer, sister," she whispered, trying to make her voice sound hoarse. What with how tired she was, it wasn't difficult. "We need to talk, for real this time. No tricks, no betrayals, no trying to be someone we're not. Just the two of us, the way we used to be. Please?"
Dewdrop looked suspicious, but she obliged. She leaned in close to Honeystar again.
"You're right, you know," she sighed. "I really didn't mean anything I said earlier. But I always fear that Arrow is watching me somehow."
"This isn't who even Arrow wants you to be," Honeystar told her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dewdrop's paws slightly shift position. "For one thing, not even he wants you alive," she added.
With that, she dug her claws into Dewdrop's paws so she couldn't attack her. She hoped her theory about the collar was correct, because she'd end up looking like a mouse-brain if it wasn't. Dewdrop yanked her paws out from under Honeystar's, but the dog fang enhancements tumbled out. Still, she swung at Honeystar, who ducked.
Honeystar jumped up as though to headbutt Dewdrop, and sure enough, she reached up and pressed a button on her collar. A sound reminiscent of claws unsheathing could be heard, followed by a cut-off gasp. Blood began to trickle down from below Dewdrop's collar. She grabbed at the collar, tugging on it and trying to take it off. Finally, she managed to snap it in half with her teeth, revealing the fangs that studded the inside- which should have been the outside.
"You." The dawning realization in Dewdrop's terrified face turned to fury. "I thought you warriors were supposed to have some kind of honour."
Honeystar shrugged.
"Consider it revenge," she mewed. "Besides, you were going to use those fangs on me, right?"
Dewdrop wasn't even in the league of being able to play innocent now. But it didn't matter, because the retractable dog fangs that studded her collar had dug into her neck, and she was losing too much blood. Maybe some cat could have saved her if they'd wanted, but from what Honeystar could tell, no cat really would have.
There was no point in watching this cat die. As far as Honeystar was concerned, lady Dewdrop, heir to the Alliance, had never existed. Her sister really had died on her first day as an apprentice. Honeystar turned to walk away, not bothering to look back even though she could hear Dewdrop trying to run after her, screaming out curses. Soon enough, the screams faded away, and then Honeystar heard a gurgle and a dull thump.
She tried not to imagine what was behind her, and tried not to think of it as something she had done. It was what Dewdrop had done to herself, really. She could have run when she'd had the chance.
Honeystar plodded back into the RogueClan camp, forgetting entirely that she was now leader, and headed straight for the warriors' den. She lay down beside Rubblefang, curling around him and letting his soft, familiar scent soothe her exhausted body.