The auditorium is packed, which was expected, since I am
the lecturer. I'm standing on the podium, waiting for the
unidentified, resonating voice to introduce me: 'Ladies
(assuming any ladies would read this perv's stories) and
gentlemen, here he is, the genius behind the greatest
masterpieces on Fanfiction Net.'
Everybody cheers. After they've calmed down, I press
a button on a remote control, which activates a projector.
'First of all, let's see what is going on at our abridged
tournament right now,' I declare.
Everybody's eyes (including mine) turn to the screen...
U9 Krillin and U3 Tapion are about to start their match.
Tapion takes out a pokeball and, after an unnecessary
anime pose, tosses it while crying, 'HIRUDEGARN, I CHOOSE
YOU!'
The giant beast comes out of the pokeball. 'Hirudegarn,
Hirudegarn!' it cries, shaking the stadium.
With a lunge of its tail, it tries to get Krillin, who
immediately gets surrounded by a crimson aura.
'KAIOKEN TIMES HELLIFIKNOWHOWMANY,' he cries
and dodges. Then, making his aura more intense, he
fires a blast while yelling, 'KAIOKEN TIMES
DUNNOMANEVENMORETHANBEFOREIGUESS!'
'Well, it seems nothing interesting is going on at the
stadium right now,' I deduce and turn back to my huge
audience. 'So, let's move to your questions.'
One of the members raises his hand and asks: 'Why
do you never write all the way to the end of the
textbox?'
'We've been through this many times,' I sigh. 'My
experience has taught me that, whenever I write all
the way to the edge of the textbox, my lines appear
broken in the published version.'
Next question, from someone else: 'Do you have any
calls to make regarding the future chapters of Salagir's
original creation which you usurp in order to satisfy
your attention whoring tendencies?'
I think about it for a while. 'I think XXI is Old Kai,' I
answer, in all seriousness. 'Universe 5 diversion point
is probably the time Old Kai fused with that witch; in
U5, Old Kai snatched back the earring before that
happening.'
Meanwhile, at DBM Abridged stadium...
Hirudegarn fires a punch at Krillin. The dwarf catches
it with both his arms, still surrounded by the crimson
aura. 'Kaioken... times... whocountsanymore...' he
says, in a low, distorted voice, panting and struggling.
The interview continued with several more boring
questions, which had to do mainly with complaints
about how my stories' pace is too fast, how I never
bother much with describing the surroundings, how
sloppy, unprofessional and disrespectful to the readers
my writing style seems etc
Finally, someone asks this: 'When U16 Pan died in
Chapter 9, what happened with her condoms that got
scattered off her bra?'
My eyes widen. 'This... this is...' I begin, in a low voice.
'THE GREATEST QUESTION I'VE EVER BEEN ASKED!'
With a delighted expression, I get off the podium and
approach the guy who asked me that. 'Wanna hang out?'
I ask.
'Yes,' he answers, excited.
We leave the auditorium together.
A few days later...
'So how was your day with Withheldforprivacy?' the
other people who attended my lecture ask the aforementioned
person.
'Don't remind me!' he snaps. 'He was talking about how
awesome he is the whole time. That guy is seriously
messed up. He should be institutionalized.'