TMW Chapter 37

Sam's POV

I think she loves Puck. Maybe not love. Maybe she doesn't love him, not now, but maybe she will. They have something. Puck definitely loves Mercedes whether he knows it or not. There was something she wasn't telling me. A lot actually. Her interaction with Puck at the bowling alley had said as much. And let's not forget she never told me anything about her past with her 'best friend'.

Before the bowling alley, I thought that with time I could win Mercedes back. You know, become her friend for real this time then work my way back into her heart and show her I was ready to try again. But I won't get my chance now. She's moved on to Puck of all the people. It bums me out but what can I do. It sucks that it took her moving on for me to finally really understand and feel the full effects of what I did to my first love. I should have known better. I didn't because I was so blinded by what I saw as happiness. Because of my foolishness, I lost her. Probably for good.

I like to think that in some future, now or some alternate universe, that the two of us will find each other again.

Hopefully.

For now, I have her in my life. She is still my friend and that's all I can ask for after everything I put her through. I should have been better. It just sucks to know that I'll love her forever, but we have to be apart. I can't even breathe sometimes thinking that she's giving a piece of herself to someone else. I can't stop the dreams of her walking down the aisle with someone other than me.

But what can I do?

Be a good friend?

I have to keep telling myself that because if I don't, I'll do something stupid like moving too fast and lose her forever. No friendship, nothing.

It's hard and it hurts, but I deserve it.

So right now, I grin and brave it, watching her smile at the thought of some other guy. I'm there for her when she doesn't know what to do with herself because she's not talking to Puck. I do all this because I want to be the person Mercedes once thought I was and because I want to be the person that would be the best for her.

For now.

I tell myself for now.

But believe me when I say, if I get another chance, I will do it right.

I will not mess up.

I promise.