Chapter 38

Peeta

Gale left soon after to go back to his own home. While Madge didn't care for her father or his choices in life, losing him still wasn't easy for her and Peeta could tell that Gale was a little torn between his new love and his best friend. After Peeta assured him he would look after Katniss, he'd promised to be back in the morning with any news he could find. Peeta remained on the floor in front of the couch, his eyes slowly moving between his father on the kitchen table and Katniss on the cushions behind him.

He watched as Mrs. Everdeen finally sealed the fresh bandage against his father's leg. It was a deep cut from what he could gather from her quiet murmurings to Prim; nearly to the bone. The thought of it made him feel ill again, but he simply bit back the bile and tried to be strong as he watched Katniss' mother work. She caught him staring and offered a soft, reassuring smile and a nod. Peeta felt his heart grow a tiny bit lighter – his father would live, she seemed to say.

She turned to start washing her hands in the sink, Prim joining her soon after. Once they were clean, Katniss' mother took a cold cloth and began gently wiping away at the rest of his father's unconscious form. The way she touched him was so….

Peeta pressed his lips together and swallowed the hard spot in his throat. His mother was dead, so there was no reason Mrs. Everdeen couldn't care after his father. She'd been a widow herself for the better part of a decade. He surmised that the only reason her soft touches were okay was because his mother was gone. Dead. Blown up. The finality of it all came crashing down on him for the fourth or fifth time that afternoon. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head in his arms. It all happened in stages, actually. For an hour or so he was numb, unfeeling to the world around him. Then he would move to aware, the thoughts and details of it all coming back to him. Finally, it would all be so real and painful and just suffocating it made him long for the numbness again.

The day dragged slowly by. In the late afternoon, a knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts about his mother and brothers he would never see again. He lifted his head up as Prim peeked through the little hole in the door covered by a piece of deer hide. She inhaled sharply before flinging the door open and ushering in a woman he didn't know.

"Why didn't you come sooner?" Mrs. Everdeen gasped. She gently laid his father's hand that she'd been holding back down on his stomach before jumping up to see who had arrived.

"I didn't know if you….I don't have anything," the woman blubbered. Peeta watched as Prim ushered her into the kitchen, peeling away her coat. Her shoulder was wrapped in a piece of old cloth, but he could easily see the blood seeping through.

"Of course, of course, shhhh," Mrs. Everdeen shushed her. "When did this happen?"

"It…it won't stop bleeding. I…I was near town last night and I caught a bit of shrapnel….I'm worried it's going to get infected, I…"

"Prim, hand me the tonic…yes….now sit down. We'll get it cleaned and sewed up."

"Will you have to use a needle?" the woman worried.

"It will only hurt a bit, I promise. We need to keep the infection out, you were right to come, Ida."

Peeta watched as Katniss' mother calmed the blubbering injured woman, sitting her down at the table next to his father's unconscious body and pulling back the layers of cloth on top of her wound. He had to look away as she cleaned it and quickly began stitching it up as fast as her nimble fingers would allow.

"Prim," he heard her say, "Put the square on the door."

Prim nodded and rushed off to the closet, producing a small yellow piece of fabric. Peeta watched as she opened the door, pinned it in place, and closed it again. He was confused at first, but as soon as the knocks began sounding at the door he understood. The yellow fabric was a sign that Mrs. Everdeen was in business – healing business. People came – and not just Seam people. A few pale faced, blonde haired people he recognized from town even showed up. He frowned as realized these were the same people that wouldn't give Katniss a second look had she been the one injured or sick. He felt slightly indignant as he sat in front of the couch and stewed over it, but Mrs. Everdeen turned no one away. When she ran out of bandages, she had Prim start boiling rags to sanitize them. Everyone who saw the yellow flag and came to her door received treatment, the kind woman accepting anything they had to offer in the form of payment; most of the time it wasn't much.

A coin here, a few pieces of firewood, maybe a ball of twine. But she never said no.

Katniss stirred on the couch behind him, making him turn around. He grunted as he rolled over onto his knees to hover protectively over her as she blinked her eyes and groaned.

"Katniss? Are you alright? Katniss…"

She blinked again and he watched her eyes slowly focus on his face in the dim light of the living room. She winced. "What happened?"

Peeta sighed. "I found you and my dad in the snow. Gale and I carried you both back here. Your mother thinks you lost a lot of blood and passed out from exhaustion. You were coming back from town with him and you just….you didn't make it," he replied, his throat growing slightly tight. He let his eyes roam over her pale, drawn face. She looked exhausted and hungry but alive. That was what was most important.

Katniss inhaled slowly, raising her hand up to the bandaged gash on her forehead. "Is he alive?" she winced, her fingers touching the white gauze.

He nodded, glancing over his shoulder towards the kitchen. "He is. Your mom….she helped him. She worked on him all day. She stayed with him."

Katniss groaned and blinked slowly. "That cut on his leg-"

"-She fixed it. He's resting on the table now."

Her lips quirked slightly. "You Mellark boys and that table…"

Peeta snorted. "Right. Well…he's going to make it she thinks. Lucky we still had some morphling left; he was in pretty nasty shape…" he trailed off, still hovering over her. He sat back on his heels and leaned against the couch as Katniss' eyes followed him.

"I'm sorry," she finally said, breaking the silence.

Peeta didn't need to ask for what. He exhaled softly, watching as her worried eyes flicked up to the ceiling. Unshed tears shimmered against her grey orbs in the dim light and he felt his chest grow tight. He was still angry that she'd drugged him and lied to him to get him to drink the tea, but he knew she'd done it for the right reasons. Without Katniss, his father would still be bleeding out in what was left of the bakery, left in the freezing cold to die. Without Katniss' efforts, he would be completely alone in the world with no family at all. Because of her, he at least still had his dad. He stared at the floor and fought to not think of what it would be like for them all to be completely gone.

Her head tilted to look at him. "Are you really so mad you can't even look at me?"

Peeta looked up at her and watched as a tear slid down her cheek and onto the pillow. She hiccupped turned her eyes away from his.

"I'm not mad," he stated, "I was angry when I woke up and found out that you'd lied, but…I'm not angry anymore."

"You're not?"

"No. That pretty much disappeared when I went outside with Gale to look for you and I saw you collapsed in the snow with my dad. I realized then that you'd gone to do something selfless and…how could I still be angry about that?" he said, shrugging at her. He offered her a soft smile before rolling forward back onto his knees. The cushions bowed as he leaned on them, scooting closer to her face. "When I realized that you'd gone and put yourself in danger I…I lost it. I was upset because…because I thought for sure that I'd lost you. And I know….I know we've been saying all week that we might die tomorrow or next week or in a few hours for that matter…but when the time came and I thought you could be dead I just lost it all over again."

Katniss pressed her lips together and blinked as another fat tear rolled down her cheek. "Peeta-"

"No, just…let me finish. I thought I'd lost you and because you'd gone to do something to help me; do you realize if that would have happened I would have….I couldn't live with myself?" he asked in a demanding tone. He leaned closer to her as he lightly squeezed her shoulder with his closest hand. Even half starved, pale from sickness and bleeding from the head she was still breathtaking. During her time unconscious he'd sickly pictured what she would look like had her timing not been as good as it was – what if a bomb had gone off while she was in the bakery?

"Peeta, I owed you. Not only that, I wanted to-"

"Katniss, you don't owe the people you love. Especially when they love you back."

Her lip quivered miserably as she stared up at him. "You still….l-love me?"

He could barely nod before the pull between them became too much to bear. Coupled with the absence of her lips against his the past twenty four hours, he knew he couldn't stand this distance between them any longer. Her white lie had hurt, but he couldn't ignore her motivation behind it. Katniss let out a tiny squeak as Peeta kissed her, his lips pressed firmly against hers. He could feel the surprise rolling off of her; perhaps she hadn't expected him to forgive her so easily? He hadn't expected to forgive her so easily, that was for certain. However, seeing his father alive and breathing after the bombing had substantially quelled the anger he felt for her betrayal. He knew it wasn't healthy to suppress his resentment towards her for tricking him, but he couldn't help it. Katniss was alive and well and he was kissing her again finally. For a split second, all was right with the world.

Peeta kissed her deeply, moving his lips against hers as she began to respond. Sucking her bottom lip into his mouth, he gently took her cheeks in his hands and took it further, forgetting the people in the next room. He kissed her with all his might, pouring every ounce of love and devotion he could muster into the kiss. She obliged, opening her mouth and sighing against his lips as he welcomed her home with kisses. Thank you, he thought. Thank you for saving him.

He pulled away, suddenly remembering that her mother was within earshot and could easily view them from the kitchen along with the handful of people she and Prim were working to treat. He swallowed and stared down at Katniss as she gave him a bewildered look from the pillow.

"We'd better stop," he whispered, his breath already ragged. His body was quick to betray him as he realized he was already hard and digging into the front of the couch he was crouched in front of. Peeta let his forehead fall down against hers as he sighed deeply. "I almost died when I thought you'd been hurt."

Katniss licked her lips and shook her head slightly. "But I didn't. I had to go, Peeta. Please understand that. I had to do that for you. For him."

He lifted his forehead from hers. "Why though?"

Katniss shrugged, shaking her head. "He….he means so much to you, but also to me. He was one of the few townspeople that were kind to me. He didn't look at me like I was…trash when I came to trade. He looked me in the eye and spoke to me like I was human. That…that always meant the world to me. And this place….this place needs more people like him. Kind…and…good. He's so good Peeta. Just like you," she whispered, reaching her hand up. His cheek tingled where her calloused, wiry fingers touched his jaw.

"Katniss…"

"I couldn't bear the thought of this world losing a man like that. I know you're still angry with me for doing it, but…I'd do it again," she admitted.

He felt himself start to smile. "You would?"

She nodded. "In a heartbeat."

Peeta stayed by Katniss' side for the rest of the day. They heard no news and Gale didn't return. Eventually people stopped coming to the Everdeen's for medical care and they were all able to relax. Peeta tried to make himself useful by carrying in pots full of snow to boil over the stove so that they could all have a bath in the tiny mud-room off the kitchen. It had been a rough couple of days and when Prim suggested hot baths he'd quickly agreed. First went Prim, then her mother. Peeta changed the water again for Katniss, slowly walking beside her as she hobbled slowly to the little room where a steaming bath waited for her. She had smiled when she saw the little bottle of soapy liquid on the stool beside the basin.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing, just…Prim left her lavender shampoo for me," she sighed, shaking her head to herself. "That little…."

Peeta laughed. Once she was settled and he was certain she wasn't going to fall over, he left her to her own devices to doze on the couch until he was finally able to take his turn. After getting the fresh water to the right temperature, he slowly sunk into the metal sides of the washbasin. The nearly scalding water felt good against his skin. He felt like he'd been cold for years.

He dunked his head and held his breath as he scrubbed it with the harsh lye soap, his back aching in protest. He was mostly healed from his whipping, but this was the first time he'd had a real bath since then. The hot water made his scars itch as he leaned back, pushing his too-long hair away from his eyes. His father was still resting on the table, knocked out from the morphling. Mrs. Everdeen had assured him with a tight smile that his temperature was stable for now, even though there was a chance for infection down the rocky road to recovery.

Peeta leaned back against the side of the tub, reveling in the warm, soapy water as he thought about the events of the day. He realized with a chagrined thought that he was a little pleased he'd finally been able to play the partial hero for once for Katniss instead of the other way around. The gallant side of him was happy he'd found her and actually been the one to carry her to safety instead of Gale. It was a ridiculous notion and he realized it; Gale and Katniss were just friends. But, he couldn't help be feel a little envious and lacking compared to the tall, dark and handsome best friend of his love interest. It was difficult to not be jealous – at least a little.

Satisfied that he was clean and refreshed, he stood and let the water drip off of him as he dried himself off. Once he was dressed, he opened the door to the small room of the kitchen and jumped as he realized Mrs. Everdeen was still at the table beside his father. Peeta felt himself smile faintly at her sleeping form; she was leaning on her elbow, her eyes drooped shut as she propped her chin up on her palm. His father's chest rose and fell steadily under the thick quilt that covered him, and they looked too peaceful to interrupt. The squeaking floorboard beneath his clumsy foot had other plans.

She awoke with a start. "Peeta," she sighed. "Did you get a bath?"

"Yes ma'am," he answered. "How is he? I didn't mean to wake you."

Katniss' mother sleepily shifted her gaze to his father's face. She smiled weakly and rubbed his arm over the quilt. "Temperature is still down. He just needs to rest now and let his body try to heal it. We'll let him wake up in the morning and see how he feels. You should get some sleep."

"So should you," he chuckled softly.

"I took Katniss up to her room while you were in the bath. Why don't you go on up?" she suggested. Her voice was soft and sleepy and Peeta wondered if she understood what she'd just said to him. Did she know that he'd already spent a night in Katniss' bed? Did she care? He didn't want to risk it.

"Um….I can take the couch."

She leaned back in the chair as the clock on the wall ticked noisily, staring at him with sleep-foggy eyes. "I think we're past all that aren't we Peeta?"

He shifted slightly. "I'm not sure what you mean."

She watched him carefully, a wry smile finally appearing on her lips as she reached up and brushed a piece of his father's hair out of his eyes. "You're a good boy," she sighed. "Just like your father. I see so much of him in you."

Peeta wasn't sure what to say, so he remained silent.

"I….I hope she ends up with you. You're just what she needs."

He nodded. "I…I want her to. Be with me, that is. But it's up to her."

Mrs. Everdeen nodded. "I know. Everything is. Katniss doesn't do what she doesn't want to do – her father was the same way. Maybe," she sighed, "Maybe I would have been better off with a man like your father. But….we follow our hearts I suppose."

Peeta chewed his lip and nodded. "He told me about you. When I was little. He…told me you married a coal miner instead but that he'd always loved you," he admitted softly. "But even then I…I was happy that you hadn't. Because then I wouldn't have Katniss."

They smiled at each other. "I was six," he shrugged. "Do you think….do you think if Katniss follows her heart she'll end up with me?"

Mrs. Everdeen blinked slowly as she offered him a knowing smile. "I think if you keep doing what you're doing….she'll find her way back to you. She is and always will be…her father's daughter. Wild, free, yet passionate about those she loves."

Peeta nodded, thinking of the way Katniss' voice sounded the few times she'd said she loved him. It had been a quiet voice but a firm, steady one. He knew she meant it.

"Why don't you get some sleep? Who knows what tomorrow will bring."

He swallowed. "You're letting me go upstairs with her?"

"Prim is sleeping in my bed. But yes…I am. I'm not afraid to send you up there with her because I know you love her Peeta."

He sighed. "I'm that transparent, am I?"

She answered him with a smile. Peeta nodded at her before making his way out of the kitchen. He winced as his heavy footsteps seemed to echo on the stairs as he made his way down the short hallway to Katniss' room that she shared with Prim. The door creaked softly as he pulled it open, his nose automatically picking up the familiar traces of lavender that lingered in the air. Katniss was propped up in the bed by the window, her chin on her chest with a worn book open on her breast. Lowering himself down onto the mattress, he picked it up and examined it as she stirred. The cover was worn with use and covered with spatters of dirt and wear, but the title was still embossed on the front.

"Pride and Prejudice," he muttered.

"It's from before the dark days," she said softly, making him jump. She watched him place it carefully on the table beside the bed. "My dad gave it to me before he died. He traded it for me at the Hob one day. I've read it a hundred times," she sighed. "What are you doing up here?"

"Your mom said it was okay. Prim is asleep in her room and she's….still with him."

"How is he?" she asked raspily.

"Sleeping. She's taking care of him. I think he'll be alright."

"She knows you're up here?"

He nodded.

Katniss held the blanket up for him in an inviting manner, motioning for him to join her. Peeta shrugged out of his shirt and reached for the button on his pants. "Do you mind? I sleep in my underwear, but….I don't have to-"

"It's fine. I mean we-" she cut herself off, chewing her bottom lip with a smile. She looked away and reached to turn off the light.

"So modest," he sighed unfastening his pants once the room was cloaked in near-darkness. He slid into the soft sheets and paused in surprise as Katniss rolled over to be closer to him. She didn't hesitate to place her arm over his bare chest and rest her head above his heart. He stayed completely still, staring up at the ceiling as he happily accepted her touch. It felt so good to just hold her after everything that had happened. It made her feel real.

"I'm sorry," she finally whispered.

"I know," he replied.

"I….I love you. That's why I did it."

"I know," he repeated. He smiled softly into the darkness before drifting off to sleep.

*Sigh* Love these two. I'll be sad when this is over but I'm really glad I decided to write this on a whim earlier this year! A lot of action in the next few chapters so I wanted to give these two some cuddle time : )

Sorry for the delay - Real life and wedding planning is seriously monopolizing my time/energy - I appreciate the patience. I also pinched a nerve in my shoulder which makes is super uncomfortable to type : (

Thanks for reading and please review! : )