A/N: Finally. The talk is happening. My babies (who are actually older than me) are all grown up. I'm pretty nervous about it tbh, it's been building for a while I can only hope I do the ending justice.
Thank you for the reviews. I'm glad you all approved of the subtle changes I made to the canon talk. That smirk never sat well with me either...
With the afternoon slowly dragging on Holly started to regret taking a last minute half day off from the lab. After telling Gail to be at her house at six she had immediately panicked. She knew there was still unfolded washing sat on her couch. There were dishes in the sink too. And Holly was sure she hadn't changed the sheets in the spare bedroom for over a month.
It wasn't like Gail hadn't been in her house and seen it all before, but Holly wanted everything to be perfect. It helped that concentrating on scrubbing the windows clean had quelled some of the nervous energy that had been wracking her system for the whole day.
Watching the clock Holly take a sip of the wine in her hand, hoping the light buzz of alcohol would help calm her down some more. After finally changing into a shirt and trousers for their dinner Holly had spent the whole time between cooking watching the time slowly tick by.
The doorbell ringing almost has her dropping the glass. It's Gail, there's no one else it could possibly be and Holly takes in a deep calming breath before walking towards the door.
When she pulls the door open there's a red tinge to Gail's cheeks, and a nervousness in her eyes. Letting her eyes drift down past the edge of Gail's long coat she can just see the hem of her dress and her face immediately blushes.
"Hi." Holly finally says, her eyes tearing away from the blondes legs.
Gail lifts her hand and waves slightly. "Hi."
The cold nips at Holly through her thin shirt and she's suddenly aware that she's standing in the doorway whilst Gail is still standing in the cold night. "I'm sorry, come in." Stepping aside Holly gestures into the house.
As the blonde passes her and she shuts the door Holly tries to think of the best way to greet her and it strikes her as unbelievable that for all the planning she put into the evening she hadn't thought of that. A kiss seemed to presumptuous, a hug would be acceptable, a hand shake definitely seemed ridiculous-
Gail makes up her mind for her, and Holly lets out a gasp of shock as the blonde buries her hand in the back of her hair to pull her down into a kiss. It's light. Nothing like the kiss they had shared the day before and Holly let herself whine softly at the soft play of Gail's lips on hers.
Slowly she pulls back from the blonde, keeping her eyes closed as she bites her lip. "I'm not used to you using the doorbell." Holly confesses.
"I wasn't sure if you'd changed the locks." Gail whispers back and Holly leans forwards to place a small peck on her lips.
"You still have it..." She says, pulling back fully to look at the other woman, her hands still resting on her hips. Gail smiles at her sheepishly and pulls out the little zombie key ring with her house key still attached from her pocket.
"Do you want it back?" Gail asks, her hand already inching towards her as if she's about to give it up.
"No," Shaking her head Holly releases Gail's hips to close her fist back around the key. "No, you should keep it." Smiling bashfully Holly steps away from her. "Come on dinners almost ready."
Holly leaves Gail in the hall way to take off her coat and quickly pours her a glass of wine, handing it to her as she walks into the kitchen. The dress she was wearing was a simple black number and Holly couldn't help the way her heart raced at the sight of it.
"Thanks." She says, leaning in to press another quickly kiss to her lips and Holly wonders briefly if every little thing is going to end in them kissing tonight.
Gail leans against the counter watching her cook and Holly can't help looking up at her every few seconds. Gail Peck is back in her kitchen. Gail Peck is back in her house.
"I'm not about to disappear you know." Gail says, a smirk pulling across her face and Holly can feel herself blushing.
"Yeah I know…. I just… I just like looking at you." And this time it's Gail's turn to blush.
"Sap." With her brow furrowed Holly can just see Gail watching her stirring the pot on the stove out the corner of her eye. "What are you cooking anyway? It smells, well like real food, which is unusual for me."
"Gail you can't keep living off fast food." Holly scolds lightly, ignoring the way the blonde rolls her eyes at her. "And it's carbonara," Lifting the spoon out of the sauce Holly walks over to the counter. "Here."
She hadn't thought it through, not in the slightest, because the second Gail's lips meet the spoon the blonde lets out a deep groan. A blush burns on Holly's cheeks. "That tastes great." She husks.
Squinting her eyes Holly pulls the spoon back. "You did that on purpose didn't you?"
"I'm an honest officer of the law, I'm legally obligated to tell the truth." Gail states innocently.
"Oh?" Raising her brow Holly crosses her arms across her chest.
Smiling Gail takes a sip of her wine. "Which is why I won't confirm or deny that."
Holly can't help laughing at the other woman, lightly shacking her head as she returns to the stove. "Well before I make you commit perjury do you want to sit at the table? Foods ready."
The blonde smiles at her gleefully, picking up both their glasses of wine and taking them to the table. She returns whilst Holly is plating up the pasta to retrieve the bottle. "I've got a feeling we'll need this." She mumbles just loud enough for Holly to hear and the sparks of nervousness at the talk she knows they need to have return full force.
"Mmmmm," Gail wipes her mouth on the napkin and Holly notices with pride that there's nothing left on her plate. "You should probably cook for me more often."
Wiping her own mouth Holly smirks at the blonde. "Or you could learn to cook yourself."
"You could always teach me."
Standing up Holly lifts her plate from the table. "No one has that much patience Gail."
The other woman scoffs in offence, holding her hand to her chest as Holly takes her plate away as well.
"Oh I've been meaning to ask, why were you in San Francisco the other week?" The question makes her heart freeze. "Traci sent me to lab, and you weren't there. She's obsessed with us getting back together by the way." Gail smiles at her happily from the table.
"I-" Holly bites at her lip, dropping the plates onto the counter before returning to her seat. Blue eyes look at her curiously from across the table, and Holly knows her nerves must have been visible on her face. This wasn't how she planned on telling Gail, but she knew she didn't have a choice now. "I went there for a job interview."
"Oh." Gail blinks, her mouth hanging open slightly in shock.
"Yeah, I, er. It wasn't planned... Rachel found out about the position when she was doing a residency there." The expression on Gail's face doesn't change, and Holly watches as she processes the information she just gave her.
"How, how did it go?" It was a question, but Holly knew the blonde had already worked out exactly how it went.
"I got the job." She confirms, and Gail instantly closes her eyes and ducks her head.
Minutes pass and Holly's about to ask Gail if she's okay when she finally looks up again. "I mean, wow, that's, that's great Holly." There's a light sheen of tears in Gail's eyes and Holly feels her heart stutter at the sight.
"Hey, I haven't said yes. I'm not going to say yes. I didn't," Pausing Holly tries to blink back her own tears. "I didn't think I would get it when I applied, I just wanted to get out of Toronto."
"And away from me..."
Sighing Holly picks nervously at the napkin in front of her. "Yeah."
Silence passes between them again, and Holly wants to kick herself for not being brave enough to look at the blonde. Their talk is going in completely the wrong direction and Holly couldn't remember any of the notes she had made. "Is it a good job?"
Holly's sure Gail knows the answer to that question too, but she nods her head regardless. "Yeah, yeah it really is."
"Then," Gail pauses, and Holly finally looks up at her again. "Then you should take it."
Her heart shatters, because that wasn't the answer she expected from the other woman. She hadn't expected her to tell her to go. "Gail-"
"Holly, if this," Gail says pointing between the two of them. "If this was truly over would you be hesitating?"
Holly has to look away again. "No."
"Then you should take it." Lifting her half empty glass of wine Gail drinks it all, wincing as the pulls the glass from her lips. "We're out of wine."
Gail stands leaving Holly alone at the table and all she can do is open and close her mouth in shock. Her head hurt, and her heart hurt, because what if this is Gail's way of breaking up with her before they were ever truly back together. Standing abruptly Holly follows the blonde to the kitchen. This whole mess was because they hadn't talked, and she was going to let the same thing happen again.
The blonde is already facing away from her and pulling another bottle of wine from a cupboards when Holly comes around the corner.
"What about us?" Holly asks, her hands nervously pulling at her shirt
Pulling the cork out of the wine Gail doesn't answer her straight away. Instead she pours herself another glass, and Holly doesn't push her, she knows that the blonde is thinking. "How long till you would have to leave?"
"Three months."
Gail takes another drink from her glass, her back to still to her and Holly starts to fidget with her shirt again. Suddenly the blonde slams the glass down and marches towards her. Desperately Holly tries to read her expression, but before she can Gail's leaning up to kiss her.
"Then we spend the next three months together." She says before kissing her again. "Every possible waking moment." Hands tangle in Holly's hair as Gail presses another gentle kiss to her lips. "So by the time you have to leave, you'll be glad for the distance."
Holly laughs gently, letting her forehead rest against Gail's as she starts to relax. "I could never get tired of being with you." This time she's the one leaning in to kiss Gail before pulling back to tuck some of her blonde locks off her face.
"Even when I'm acting like a child?" Gail asks lightly, her own fingers gently twirling the strands of hair on the back of Holly's neck.
She lets the self deprecation slide to press a kiss to the tip of Gail's nose. "Even then."
Lacing their hands together Holly tugs Gail out of the kitchen and to the couch. They stay silent for a whole, their fingers still playing over each others hands. She hadn't expected Gail to tell her to take the job. She hadn't expected herself to consider taking it.
"What happens afterwards? When I leave?" Holly asks, suddenly worried that three months was all Gail wanted.
"I don't know, maybe I stay here, maybe I go with you." Gail muses, and Holly can't help smiling, her tense shoulders finally starting to relax.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah I'm sure I could take a weeks holiday in San Fransisco, they owe me some time off." Holly ducks her head as she laughs lightly.
Taking a breath she become serious again and looks straight into Gail's eyes. "You could come with me you know? I want you to come with me."
"I know." Gail says nodding her head gently. "I want to, God, if you'd asked me two months ago I would have said yes."
Even though the potential answer has her stomach swirling with butterflies Holly pushes Gail to continue. "And now?"
"I need to make sure Sophie's going to be okay. I need to make sure we're going to be okay."
"So we wait?" Holly offers.
"We wait." Gail smiles at her, and it surprises her, but Holly actually feels okay with it. "What were you," Gail pauses and Holly watches her as she looks anywhere but her. "What were you going to do if you were still with your girlfriend?"
Squeezing Gail's hand Holly waits until the blonde is looking at her again. "I'm not sure we would have made it. It was okay when it was just fun y'know? But, I don't think I wanted anything serious with her, not really."
"Did you two..." The sentence trails off, but Holly knows what she's asking.
"Yeah, we did." She answers regretfully.
"Oh, yeah I mean you were single, so I can't exactly-"
"Hey, no Gail, it was stupid, I shouldn't have done it, you have every right to be mad at me." Holly says quickly, her hands squeezing at Gail's again. "I was trying to get over you, I thought I was getting over you, but I think Lindsey knew all along- and I shouldn't have done that to her, and I shouldn't have done that to you."
"I'm sorry Gail." Holly says, her thumbs stroking across Gail's skin. "I messed up. I was scared that my feelings would scare you off, and then when Lisa said all those things..." Tears were already gathering in her eyes and Holly desperately tried to blink them back. "I should have said something, and I'm so sorry that I didn't."
"I didn't exactly make things easy Holly." Gail confesses, and it makes her heart ache, because this wasn't the blondes fault.
"No Gail-"
"This," Gail interrupts, her free hand pointing towards the two of them. "It's not all on you Holly, I was so scared of what we could have been, of-" Sniffling Gail squeezes her hand. "Of what we still could be."
"Are we going to argue over who's more sorry?" Holly asks.
A watery laugh escapes from Gail, but Holly can see the way her lip still trembles. "Yeah, just so you know, I would win."
"Gail..." Reaching up Holly gently wipes the tear that had escaped down Gail's face. "Why were you scared?"
"Because you could have broken my heart Holly, I was-" Sniffling loudly Gail looks away from her for a moment and Holly doesn't press her to continue. It takes a few minutes before Gail's apparently calms down enough to look at her again. "It took a little eight year old girl, who's whole life had been taken from her, to make me realise I had to be brave. That I could be brave for you Holly. Because, I'm so in love you, and it scares me so much, but I'll be brave I will, I promise, I will, I'll-" The blonde in front of her is practically hyperventilating and Holly quickly pulls her body into her side.
"Hey, hey. Shhh it's okay." Tucking Gail's head underneath her chin Holly lets the blonde cry into her shirt. Cautiously she lets her hands trace patterns on Gail's back and her lips start to press kisses to Gail's hair line.
"I love you too." Holly whispers and she lets her own tears fall down her face. "I love you too Gail."
A/N: Next time on You Are (Still) Insane: It's the last chapter. AH! But! There is an epilogue, so technically it's the penultimate chapter.