A/N: Sorry for the sadness, everyone. I know that last chapter brought bad news. I'm sad to say goodbye to Spinner, too. To see more of Spinner you should check out "Love & Friendship Games" by Belle453.
In the USA, we just celebrated Memorial Day, a day to remember those who have died serving our country in the military. Though it's not why I'm writing this, I hope we can all remember the sacrifice of real soldiers and their families around the world.
The first trains of returning soldiers arrived a few days ago, leading much of the district to more celebrations. With their return, we've been assigned some new helpers to handle the additional work now we have that many more people dependent on the distribution centers for provisions. Today Naiya and I meet at the store where I'll be training a group of recruits while she deals with administrative work.
I ask her, "Have you heard anything lately?" It took almost a week after we found out about Spinner, but eventually Naiya did get word that Rose was okay. She's not home though, because the rebels assigned her to the temporary security force in the Capitol, maintaining order on the war-torn streets of the city. I'm relieved she's not hurt or worse.
Naiya answers, "Oh, Maddie, Rose sent a message yesterday. It sounds like they've had a lot of trouble cleaning out the damage from all those traps around the Capitol. Pods, she called them. How they could do that to their own city, I don't know, but she said there's still a lot of work for them there. She doesn't know when she'll be able to come home. It's just so hard to see all these other soldiers coming home, and not knowing when she'll come. I'm sorry, I know I should be grateful that she's okay. And I really am. I think about Spinner every day, darling."
It's still hard for me to believe that Spinner is really gone. I'm always thinking of him - how much I owe him that I will never get the chance to repay, and how much I miss him. Even more, Bear and how he's taking Spinner's death occupies my thoughts. We're not alone in our grief. So many troops – on both sides of the war – have died. Marai died in the Capitol like Spinner. While many troops are being sent home to district 4, so many others will never return. But we're lucky. Rose is fine. Johnny is in good hands. We don't know much about his condition, except that he's in a Capitol hospital in recovery. We have plenty of homecomings to look forward to.
Today, facing our new recruits, I am trying to focus on the positive. We've won the war, I tell myself. Miraculously, all five of the Mockingjay squad members that infiltrated the Capitol survived. Katniss and Peeta are alive, though badly burned from the bombing near the President's mansion, and are recovering in the hospital. Gale is with the troops in District 2. The latest rebel broadcasts have begun to cover the damage in the districts from the war, as well as the last dregs of Capitol supporters battling it out. I suppose at some point they become government broadcasts now that the war is over. District 13's "President" Coin has taken over in the Capitol, imprisoning Snow in some unreported location for trial and setting up her underlings from 13 and some of the troops from around Panem in the start of a transitional government.
The training goes well. I explain the set-up of the stores and the different jobs involved, then allow the new workers to try each task hands-on. None of the jobs are that difficult, but I'm relieved all the same that things go smoothly. It's a blessing that the work keeps us busy, leaving less time to When they seem to be getting the hang of things, I tell everyone to take a break and go to check in with Naiya, who's setting up a schedule for where and when the new recruits will work.
Naiya looks up when I come in. Immediately she says, "I'm sorry Maddie. I know we need this done. I just can't seem to get things straight today and this dang tablet just won't let me - Augh!" she breaks off with frustration. I bite my tongue, knowing there's nothing wrong with the tablet. Angrily I pull the tablet from her hands and snap at her to take a break, before returning to the training room. About fifteen minutes later she shows up with the new schedule in hand. She leaves it sitting on the desk without saying anything.
On my way home, I wonder how Bear's day has gone. I can't believe that he still went to help with notifications that day, after I'd found him on the roof. I don't know how, but I guess none of it could be as bad as hearing about Spinner, or telling me. I was pretty mad that he could go back to work so quickly after not being able to face me all night. I made him promise he was coming straight home afterward, worried he would disappear on me again. But as mad as I was, I did eventually recognize that this was far worse on Bear than me. I'd known Spinner for months, while Bear and Spinner has relied on each other for years.
He did as promised, of course. He's come home every day since then, so there've been no more late nights waiting and wondering. He told me he didn't mean for me to worry. He just couldn't face the reality of Spinner being gone. And if he saw me, he'd have to tell me about Spinner, and it would be real. He even said he stood outside the door of the apartment, trying to make himself open the door, and just couldn't do it.
Helping with the notifications took its toll, but knowing what happened to Spinner only made Bear more dedicated to it. He went every day while they lasted, until everyone in the district had had their opportunity to find out about loved ones. Throughout everything we've at least been able to lean on each other. I think about him all the time, wishing I were at his side. Bear is still working a day schedule, though he's now back to his regular work. Even with everything going on, falling asleep next to him each night is nothing short of magical. I can't picture my life without him.
I beat him home and crash on the couch, waiting the latest footage from other districts while I wait. I wish I'd been more patient with Naiya about the scheduling, but I don't have the energy to worry about it now. When Bear comes home, he take one look at me and heads into the kitchen, where pulls together a few sandwiches for our dinner. I smile as he brings them over to the couch.
"Thanks," I tell him with a smile, leaning over to give him a peck on his cheek.
"Sure," he says. "How was the training?"
"Fine. I dunno. How was work?"
"The same," he says tiredly. "It's good to see you."
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"I miss him," he sighs. "I keep thinking it's just a dream and I'll wake up. It hurts, seeing all the sodiers coming home."
My heart aches for Spinner, and I feel Bear's pain as my own. I wish I knew what to say, but I just nod and rub his back comfortingly as I bite back tears. After a moment he shakes his head and says, "Sorry Madge."
"Hey," I answer, "I miss him too. And you know you can talk about it any time." I close my eyes and melt into the moment as he kisses my forehead gently, sending a wave of warmth over me. I crave his touch. Overcome with longing for him, I rest my hands on his chest and tilt my lips up, grazing my lips against his mouth. His hands wrap around me and draw me into him.
Looking up into his deep brown eyes, I can't stop myself from telling him, "I love you."
He lifts his hand to my cheek and twists a loose curl of hair as he searches my eyes, leaving butterflies fluttering in my chest. "I love you too," he murmurs.
A/N: Thanks for reading. Big step for Madge and Bear!