Hi guys! So so so sorry that I didn't keep my promise. I haven't replied to your reviews, and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry for the late update; I'm only updating now because I know I won't be able to update on Monday. I'm super busy with school, and I start my new job on Monday, so I'm about to get busier. Sorry if I forget to update or anything. I do plan on replying to your reviews at some point (maybe this weekend? I don't know), but I've just been busy. I read and appreciate all of them, so thank you.

Thanks to my beta, IWriteNaked, for being so badass and awesome. Thanks to DeathCabForMari, spikeyhairgood, LuckyAsLockhart, clarissadele, and clarissa adele herondale for being so fantastic. I love you guysssss.

I hope you guys like this chapter!

Lately I've found
When I start to think aloud
There's a longing in the sound
There is more I could be
In darkness I leave
For a place I've never seen
It's been calling out to me
That is where I should be

We never carried days on our own
But now it's up to us to know
The weight of being so much more
We will find ourselves on the road

On we march
With a midnight song
We will light our way
With our lanterns on
On we march
Till we meet the dawn
We will light our way
With our lanterns on

As we walk out
Without question without doubt
In the light that we have found
It is finally clear
Our day has come
And we'll stand for who we are
We are ready we are young
We have nothing to fear

"Lanterns" by Birds of Tokyo

"I fucking hate this stupid motherfucking thing with all of my fucking life, and I will kill somebody, specifically the person who invented this, unless someone can get it to fucking stay on!"

It's graduation day.

The fucking cap, along with the fucking tassel thingy that you turn to the right (or is it left?) side once you graduate, is being a fucking pain in the goddamn ass. We're supposed to start in half an hour, I think, and yet here we are. My mother is trying to fix it, snapping at me to stay still and shut up, while the boys go find seats. Jace is standing behind me, and Isabelle and Simon are keeping him company.

"Clarissa!" my mother exclaims, appalled at my vocabulary. I hear my friends stifling laughs behind me, and I wish I could turn around and glare at them. But, alas, I'm stuck here. Looking at my mother. Who is trying to fix my cap.

"Is it done?"

Mom nods. "I think so."

The cap still feels like it could fall, but whatever. I bid her adieu and join my friends.

"These gowns are so ugly," I whine, because they're silver. Like, ugly, we-look-like-aluminum-foil silver. It's gross.

"They're not that bad," Simon says.

Isabelle glares at him. "What?"

"They're terrible. Horrible. The absolute worst."

I smile at the two of them. I'm glad that they get to stay together. Thanks to Isabelle's family's insane wealth, she doesn't have to worry about paying for college, so she just chose to go to school in California. I think she's studying about twenty-five minutes away from Simon, who's studying at UCLA. She's studying at FIDM, which she loved, and everything worked out. I mean, she still wanted to study here, on the east coast, but she chose to be with him and go to a good school, so everyone won, I think. I think.

Anyway, people from the administration usher us in, and I separate from my friends. Isabelle and Simon go together, while I walk over to where the Fs are. I stand in line, and, twenty minutes later, when I feel like my feet might literally kill me, we start going up onto the stage.

"Clarissa Fray," the principal says, and I step onstage.

It's brief. I stay there for a beat before walking over to my plastic, uncomfortable chair. We all sit there, the graduating class, and we listen to speeches—the principal and teachers and the valedictorian and the salutatorian and everyone. I thought that this was going to bore me to sleep, much like my middle school graduation, but it didn't.

It feels right.

Because, much like the valedictorians, salutatorians, and members of the administration have said, we made it. I made it. Through everything that happened. Through the good and the bad and everything in between. I made it, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

I get my diploma, shake hands with the principal, pose for a picture, and that's it. I'm a high school graduate. It's done. Well, I mean, it's officially done about twenty minutes later, when the principal declares that we've graduated, but still. People throw their caps in the air. I throw mine awkwardly, close enough for me to catch it, and then weave through the crowd, trying to find Jace, Isabelle, Simon, Sebastian, and Maia. I know that Lily's with the families and guests and whatnot, but I wanna see her too.

I see my friends all huddled up in one corner, so I walk over to them, careful not to trip on my heels. I'm wearing a smile on my face, and pride is making my heart swell. Jace takes my cap back off and gives me a kiss. I place a hand on the back of his neck and pull him down, making the kiss last a second longer before I release him.

I hug everyone. Izzy, Seb, Simon, Maia, and Jace again—I hug all of my friends. Helen and Aline walk by, and I hug them too, wishing them good luck and all. I know that it will be a miracle if we talk again, but it's good to see them. I lean against Jace's shoulder and listen to them talk about the ceremony.

In her speech, the valedictorian said that the graduating class was her compass. Her guiding light. She was probably bullshitting it all, but I remember thinking that my friends—Isabelle, Maia, Sebastian, Lily, Simon, and, of course, Jace—are my compass. They are my guiding light. They point in the direction of the home. Hell, they are my home.

And that's never going to change.

There are boxes all over my room.

About a week ago, my mom started complaining about the fact that I've taken this as my relaxing summer. Basically, it means that I've just been in bed all summer. I get up to eat, occasionally hang out with my friends, and go to the bathroom. And then I'm back in bed. I watch TV, browse the internet, read…whatever.

It pisses her off.

So she dumped a whole bunch of boxes in my room and told me to start packing for Chicago. Even though it's the first week of July, and I move out in a month and a half.

She's crazy.

I opened them to make her happy, but I've just been dumping my dirty clothes on there. I know that I should probably start doing something with my life, but I get plenty of physical activity.

Sex. I'm talking about sex.

Either way, I deserve this. I worked my butt off to get to where I am, so having one summer in which I do absolutely nothing is totally a good thing, especially since it's most likely the last of its kind I'm ever gonna get. College and being an adult are both things that require hard work. I'm well aware of that. Which is why I need this summer. I need to be absolutely useless until about a week before I start moving.

But Jocelyn bitched.

And then she asked Jace to teach me how to drive.

He takes me to New Jersey in his car. I'm not complaining, but yeah. We listen to music and sing along most of the way there, neither of us talking much. It's early, so we're too tired to properly function, and I'm reminded of how much I hate my mother at this very point in time for making me wake up at nine in the morning when I went to bed at three.

Jace parks in a mall or something and gets out of the car, letting me go in the driver's seat. Okay. I've driven a vehicle twice—my mom is really paranoid—and I've done it well. Granted, the last time was over six months ago, but still. I can handle this, right?

I buckle up, adjust my seat, adjust my mirrors, check that Jace has his seatbelt on, and take off the emergency brake.

"You're doing an awesome job," he tells me. I could kiss him for being encouraging, but I'm driving.

"Where do I go?"

He shrugs. "Just drive around. This town's pretty empty, so we should be fine."

I'm half-scared, half-excited, so I just follow his advice. He helps me out here and there, but he's mostly really patient. My mom would be screaming things repeatedly, but Jace just calmly tells me when I'm about to fuck up. When I look over at him, he looks like he knows he's gonna die, but he's keeping it pretty together on the outside. I'm proud of him. And he's definitely getting laid for being so nice about this.

And just for being him, but that's neither here nor there.

We drive until we get hungry. We go to Chili's, eat, and then he takes us back to the city.

"That was fun," I say. "I didn't kill anyone."

"You really didn't." He sounds relieved. As he should be. "We'll do this again tomorrow."

I groan. "Can it be later?"

He nods. "Definitely."

He stops in front of my apartment building. Sadly, he's meeting up with Sebastian and some guys from the team and whatnot, so he can't come in, but I kiss him goodbye and tell him to text me. That should totally be enough.

Upstairs, Mom is waiting for me. Well, not really. She's making dinner, and Luke's watching TV, but still.

"How was it?" Mom asks.

I shrug. "It was fine. I didn't run anyone over."

"What'd you do?"

"Just drove around the streets," I say. "It was a small town. I'm glad he's my teacher, though. He's pretty patient."

"I know," she tells me. "That's why I wanted him to teach you. And because I didn't wanna pay for a teacher."

"There it is." I nod. "I'll eat later, okay?"

She nods. "I'll put your plate in the microwave."

I walk into my room, drop off my bag, take my phone, clean clothes/underwear, and walk to the bathroom. I lock the door once I'm inside, setting everything down carefully.

I love taking showers. Like, hot water showers, I mean. I know that it's pretty bad because of money and whatnot, but I like to stand underneath the hot water until I feel it starting to run out. I just love it. It relaxes me—inspires me, even. I don't know. I just really love showers.

Once I'm back in my room, I check my phone. A text from Simon. Hey, Clare. Wanna hang with me, Iz, Alec, and Magnus?

I'd feel like a fifth wheel, I reply.

Invite Maia.

Fiiiiiiine, I tell him.

It's eight o'clock, and I'm a little tired, but I walk over to Luke and Mom's room. They're both on the bed, reading. Wow. Lame. At eight? I shake my head and go up to my mother.

"Can I stay over at Isabelle's?"

She looks up from her book. "Now?"

"Yeah. Simon texted and asked. I haven't seen them in forever, Mom."

"Fine. But be careful," she warns. "And let me know when you get there."

"Of course. Bye," I tell her. "Goodnight, Luke."

"Night," he says, eyes glued to the book he's holding.

I don't have to pack an overnight bag, so I just take my purse, stuff my charger in there, grab my phone, and make my way outside.

It's warm out, which isn't that great, but whatever. I listen to music the whole way to Isabelle's, of course, because what else would I do?

An acoustic song is playing by the time I actually make it to Izzy's. I'm super tired, so I pretty much just came here to lie down while everyone else talks about things and drinks, but I'm totally fine with that. Simon lets me in and leads me to Izzy's room, where, of course, everyone is hanging out, beers in hand. I shake my head when they offer me one and sit down.

"Water?" Maia asks. She'd already gotten here, which is crazy.

I nod. "Please and thank you. I'm insanely tired."

"What were you doing before?" Simon asks, frowning.

"More like who was she doing." Isabelle winks.

I throw a pillow at her. "Gross. You know Jace is with his friends."

"Whatever. How is that going, by the way?" she asks. Maia hands me a glass of water; I smile at her briefly before meeting Izzy's gaze once again. "You know, you and Jace."

I smile subconsciously. "We're good. Really good, in fact. He's been teaching me how to drive—"

"Is that a euphemism?"

I don't know who asks, to be honest, but I shake my head either way. "No. He's literally teaching me how to drive. Anywaaay," I continue, "we've been having a lot of fun. There's no pressure on us, which is awesome."

"Good," Maia says.

"How are you and Bat?" I ask her. "We haven't spoken about you guys in ages."

Her ears turn pink. "We're okay. I mean, I'm staying here in the city, and he's going to Rutgers, but I think we can make it work."

"I hope so."

"Thanks, Clary."

I turn to my other friends. "So, are you ready for Cali?"

"So ready." Isabelle turns to Alec and Magnus, who have just been kind of watching us interact. "Magnus is already helping me figure out what to buy, and Alec is giving me lists of all the awesome places in town. We're all gonna be hanging out, so it's gonna be awesome." As she gushes, I realize that she's actually happy. She was so nervous when she made the choice to go all the way to the other side of the country, especially because the main driving force behind that decision was Simon. But she's already been to orientation, and she's already thought about this, and she still seems happy. Her eyes light up when she speaks about moving to Cali, and she and Simon seem stronger than ever.

"That sounds awesome," I say. "I'm definitely visiting."

"Bring Jace," she tells me. "He has a very fine ass. He might beat Sebastian and Jon and Halloween Clary. I mean, seriously. Damn. You have good butt taste."

I roll my eyes. "Thanks, I guess. Except one of those is my brother, so ew. Speaking of!" My eyes widen as I remember. "I have to tell you a story about my brother's butt."

I didn't know about this story until, like, last week—two years after it happened. Which is ridiculous. When Mom told the story during dinnertime, I laughed until I cried.

Anyway, here's the thing: my brother went to Best Buy one day to buy something—a DVD or an electronic device or something. I can't remember. The point is that, well, he was walking around, and then he heard someone say "I know that butt" in a sing-song voice, and then, before he could register what was happening, before he could even turn around to see who was standing behind him, the person pinched him.

Or, well, more accurately, the person grabbed his butt and squeezed.

And then my brother turned around. And the person realized that, nope, he did not, in fact, know that butt. My brother had never met this dude, and vice-versa. (Yes, it was a dude.) The dude was pink and stutter-y and apologized a million times. My brother was also embarrassed, thus resulting in the most awkward encounter in the history of the world.

I tell Isabelle all of this, and she dies. She's absolutely losing her shit. Alec and Magnus are clapping, while Simon is trying not to cough up the beer he was swallowing moments before, and Maia is doubled over with laughter. I'm laughing, too—I laughed between words as I told the story, and then as I saw my friends react to my brother's ridiculous, unbelievable life.

I lie down, all wrapped up in Izzy's blankets, as Alec and Magnus tell us about college life and their life and everything that we should expect. It's so weird to think that we've made it. We graduated, like, a month ago, and it's still weird to think that we're on a different, more complicated, much more real path. It's exciting! Super exciting. But also terrifying.

At least that's how I saw it. But now, with my head resting on Isabelle's comfortable (and insanely expensive, probably) pillow, I want those days to come now.

Let me know what you think! xo