Author's Note: Forgot to mention this on the last chapter, but I now have a picture of android GLaDOS up on my Tumblr that I drew. She looks like a weird cross between Kirstie Alley and Natalia Tena. Not what I intended, but that's just because nothing ever comes out the way I hope. I'll have to keep practicing. So go check her out at pandorawriting(dot)tumblr(dot)com!

"Uhhh. No?"

"Oh good. Because I have no idea how I was going to make that happen. I mean, I may be a genius but that's just a little out of my comfort zone. I'm sure if I applied myself I could find a way..." GLaDOS muttered to herself.

"I think you might have been watching a few too many movies. Let's just stick with you coming to see me at lunch and we'll go from there." Chell suggested and gave the android a little peck on the lips.

"I do NOT watch too many movies, and if I do, it's purely for the science. There is valuable data that can be gained by analysing how humans portray themselves in fictional tales."

"Mhm. Sure."

"You don't believe me."

"Of course I believe you!"

"Liar."

:::Oh my god. This is adorable!::: Caroline squealed. :::You're preening! You're actually preening!:::

:::Shut up.::: GLaDOS grumbled as she stood in front of the mirror, making sure that not a synthetic hair on her head was out of place.

With that particular mission accomplished, the rest of her attention was turned upon her clothing, which was smoothed out dozens of times by a pair of surprisingly nervous hands. She was preening, wasn't she? This was terrible. Since when did the pudgy little loony deserve to have her looking her best? It wasn't like she went out of the way to get dressed up for anyone other than herself. Though, to be more correct, she only dressed up for herself and everyone except GLaDOS. The android huffed, but shrugged on her pea coat and tucked in the dark scarf anyway.

When she turned, she hardly expected to see Mrs Keegan standing at the other end of the hallway, staring at her with a knowing smile upon her face. If GLaDOS had the ability to pale at being caught, she surely would have. As it was, she just had to settle for standing there like a deer in the headlights before slinking towards the stairs and squeezing past her. She refused to meet the woman's eye, and instead hurried out the door to meet Chell.

Old people were terrifying.

They could see into your very soul and chill your fluid catalytic cracking unit faster than test subjects could kill you.

GLaDOS gave a little shudder at the thought and hurried down the road towards the town where she found the test subject rugged up and sitting on the wooden bench. From what she could see, she a small bag in her hands that steamed in the cold weather from whatever was inside it. The android took a seat next to her.

"So, what's a tubby little lunatic like you doing in a town like this? Oh, eating again, I see. How predictable."

"Are you seriously trying to use a pick up line on me?" Chell snorted, and reached into the bag from which she pulled out a golden potato wedge. It was quickly stuffed into her mouth, where she tore at it ravenously with her horrible little fangs.

GLaDOS stared in horrified silence as the fluffy white interior spilled out, exposing it to the icy weather.

"What?" the test subject queried, huffing around the piece in her mouth that dared to burn her tongue. "I've discovered that potatoes are actually quite delicious." She grinned, licking the rest of the wedge before stuffing it in her mouth as well.

"You're a monster. Why would you do that? What did that potato ever do to you? Ugh. No wonder this world is slowly dying. You're eating everything in it."

"Y'know, with the way you carry on about food, I'm inclined to think that you're just jealous that you can't actually eat any."

That prompted another round of silence from the android, who quickly turned her eyes away from her.

"Oh my god. You are, aren't you? I'm sorry." Chell sat the bag of potato wedges down and licked the chicken salt off her fingers before wiping them on her trousers. The stubby little digits then wrapped around GLaDOS's face as she drew her in for a kiss without even thinking of the consequences of anyone seeing them.

The action allowed the android to secretly analyze the composition of the salty, potato-based product that still remained on her lips, but it hardly made up for the fact that she couldn't actually taste it.

"Why are you even jealous about it anyway? It's just food." she queried curiously and the moping robot.

"Exactly. Everyone always made a big deal about it, like it was something really important." GLaDOS muttered. "They'd always go and gorge themselves on meat and leaves, or alcoholic beverages after work, and during it. Always talking about what they had for lunch and how this lunch was better than that lunch. And there was always cake whenever they had a celebration. They never let me in on it, but it looked like fun. They just left me there in the dark while they went and stuffed their tubby little faces full of it when it was MY accomplishments they were celebrating."

Chell suddenly lost her appetite.

Picking up what remained of the back of wedges, she squeezed it into a moist ball of crushed potato and brown paper before lobbing it into the nearby bin.

"I see all that testing has paid off. You have a decent concept of trajectory and terminal velocity. Though I suspect you may have been practicing that just by walking through doorways and not getting caught in them. Tubby."

"You know, you were doing so well with the compliments there, and then you just had to ruin it." Chell rolled her eyes, but leaned into the AI's side anyway.

"You know you like it. You're a glutton for punishment, and-"

"Everything else, right?"

"Correct. Now you're learning. I'm impre-...Don't punch me! I may have said punching was a good idea, but not when you're punching me." The supercomputer grumbled at the dull thud that hit her side. "I'm fairly certain that this behavior does not equate to the date you promised me. Are you going to engage me in sentimental activities with the intention of wooing me and inciting passion into an otherwise lackluster series of events punctuated by sexual activity, or should I just leave?"

"Um...yeah, I'm just...working up to that."

"Well you're doing a terrible job. No wonder you can't get anyone else to mate with you. It does explain why you're resorted to sleeping with your worst enemy, who happens to be a computer, if you've forgotten. Nobody else wants you." GLaDOS was met with a furious slap across her cheek as the test subject stood and stormed off with a glare.

"What? Huh...Where did I go wrong with that one?" she blinked, remaining on the seat. From her pocket, she pulled a small book and flipped through it. It said right there on the page to make sure that the object of one's desire was to be made aware of the fact that you enjoyed their company and were interested in forming a monogamous relationship with them. So why hadn't that worked? She flipped through another couple of pages quickly before stuffing it in her pocket and hurrying after the test subject. She cleared her throat to gain the woman's attention.

"I have recently been made aware that I should compliment you on your appearance. Well done. You have one."

Chell halted in her stride and turned to face the white-haired android as if she'd suddenly grown six arms and a couple of extra heads.

"Uh..." GLaDOS searched through what she'd just added to her file in hopes there would be something else she could use. This business of human mating rituals was terribly confusing. Who would have thought they'd need so much reassurance and ego-stroking to want to get their gears caught?

"Your surface area is smaller than it first appears to be. Have you been using the liposuction equipment again?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Chell growled. But the supercomputer simply leapt into her path and prevented her from moving.

"No! Wait! I've got it now. Darwin was wrong about you. I'm sure you'd survive. In fact, I'm almost positive, because I can't seem to get rid of you."

Chell stared at her with an incredulous expression plastered upon her face. "Are you...trying to flirt with me?"

"Well, I was looking up scientific articles about human mating rituals, and I found that humans require their prospective partners to fill them with feelings of joy and promises of being with them forever. Or maybe it was roast beef." GLaDOS consulted the book again. "Oh. No, it was fill them with roast beef and promise them joy and monogamy. Possibly monotony. That part is smudged. It's very complicated. I'm not surprised that humans have an extremely low rate of reproducing after the Combine attacks. Much of the literature has been lost on how to successfully perform these rituals, which appear to be essential in gaining attention and sexual intercourse."

Chell reached over and yanked the book out of the android's hands before flipping it over to read the cover.

"Dating For Dummies? Seriously?" she snorted.

"I'm NOT a dummy. I just figured that it might be a good place to start, as neither one of us is familiar with the practice. I can obviously understand much more complex tasks, but with you being brain damaged, I didn't want to confuse you." GLaDOS protested weakly.

"This is hardly scientific. Throw it out."

"But-"

"Throw it out." Chell commanded again, and pointed to the bin near the bench.

With a sigh at the loss of valuable data, she did as the test subject wanted and threw the little yellow book into the bin.

It allowed Chell a moment to compose herself amidst the silent laughs that shook her body. It was kind of cute, she had to admit. GLaDOS may not understand much about dating, but she was actually making an effort. She couldn't fault her for that. And the realization of such put her in a far better mood than before, even if it did have the AI staring at her oddly from her sudden desire to hug her.

"See, this is what I was talking about. One moment you are punching, and then you're doing that disgusting cuddling thing again. How is anyone supposed to pick up on the correct signs that signify your willingness to mate with them?"

"Just...shut up." Chell commanded once more, gaining a valuable couple of inches in height by standing up on her toes to kiss the artificial construct in front of her. It was better if she didn't think about who might have been watching. "Come on. Let's go for a walk. I still have another half hour." Taking GLaDOS by the hand and keeping her gaze on the icy path in front of her so she didn't accidentally catch anyone's eye and feel like she had to explain what she was doing, the test subject slipped and slid along the unsalted sidewalk. Not that a place like this really required a sidewalk, but there was a small one there anyway. It must have been the talk of the town when it was installed.

When they were finally at the end of the single street of commercial buildings, she pulled the android around the side with a sharp tug and then pushed her up against the wall before the AI even knew what was happening.

"What are you doing, you lunatic? This wall is cold."

"I believe I promised that there would be making out on this date?" she grinned.

"What kind of 8-bit hussy do you take me for? Making out on the first date; honestly! That's like plugging in a USB compatible device and not even asking if I want to open the files!" she huffed, but offered no other complaints when the test subject kissed her. Nor did she offer them when Chell slipped her hand up her thigh to tangle her fingers in the garter again. Whatever the lunatic saw in the useless scrap of material puzzled the AI.

But it certainly made her happy enough to return to work with flushed cheeks, swollen lips and a breathless grin.