Prompt: An unexpected goodbye

Characters: Quinn & Rachel

Words: 819

There's a reason why Quinn doesn't go by Lucy, and it's not what she tells Lauren Zizes. It's not what she plans to put on the dumb tee shirt. Yes, the nickname had hurt, but that had come later. When Quinn's life had already turned upside down.

When she runs out of school, feeling grief hit her in waves, Quinn doesn't expect to be followed.

"Quinn," Rachel says from beside her, and Quinn nearly collapses in relief. If anyone calls her Lucy right now, Quinn is sure it will destroy her. "Quinn… Are you all right?"

Trembling, Quinn tries to force the key to unlock her car but her hand is shaking too much. And that poster is still balled up in her other fist and Quinn can't think beyond the blinding pain.

This is too much.

It's too much because it's been ten years, and in a decade, Quinn has practically forgotten that once upon a time, she hadn't been so alone.

Finally, the key slides into the lock, and Quinn shakily climbs into the driver's side. Quietly, and without being invited, Rachel follows suit, filling Quinn's passenger seat.

Quinn can't get herself together. She can't stop crying. But, she guesses, ten years of denying a loss will do that. For Rachel's part, she doesn't move. It's strange. Rachel Berry is always doing something, but now, she just sits quietly with her arms folded and a look of concern on her face. Her nose is still swollen. Quinn is glad they don't have to go for anymore consultations with the plastic surgeon. That Rachel is done wishing for Quinn's looks. For her boyfriend. For her life.

Rachel doesn't know the first thing about her life.

Quinn tries to force the tears down to wherever they go when Quinn denies them, but they keep coming. She white-knuckles the poster in her hand. "My sister, Leah…" Quinn manages, her voice thick and raw. "She died when we were seven." Quinn forces herself to meet Rachel's eyes. "Do you still want to be me?"

"I-I'm so sorry…" Rachel managed. So you…you were twins?"

Quinn nods. "Identical. She got cancer and I didn't. Even though I thought that being twins meant we did everything the same…"

"Were you close?" Rachel asks carefully.

"We did everything together. Dressed exactly alike. Played together every day. She bossed me around and I let her because she was two minutes older. I cried every night she was in the hospital…which was pretty often… I wanted to stay with her but I wasn't allowed. I thought, you know, she'd be home?" Quinn managed, her statement coming out like a question. "Because she'd always come home before. My parents didn't talk to me at all about what was happening. I stayed home with Frannie while Dad worked and Mom stayed with her. One day, Mom came back but Leah just…wasn't with her…"

"That must've been terrifying…" Rachel comments softly.

"Not as much as the funeral, where my dad insisted I be strong and my mom walked Frannie and me up to the coffin to say goodbye. I hadn't seen Leah for a long time by that point and her appearance…she was so small and pale and didn't look anything like herself…"

Quinn's hand shake as she fumbles with the locket around her neck. Finally, it opens and Quinn leans forward so Rachel can see what's inside. A picture of two little girls. Brunettes, and mirror images of each other. One dressed in pink and the other in purple.

"Can you tell us apart?" Quinn asks hearing ghosts of Leah's voice in her own request. It had been a fun game they'd played as kids. When Leah lost her hair it had been less fun, because people knew right away, because Lucy looked healthy and had hair, while Leah was bald and sick. But this picture had been taken when they were five. Before cancer.

Hesitantly, Rachel points to the sister in purple and Quinn laughs, the sound brittle. "That's Leah."

"Tell me about her?" Rachel asks.

"She was my best friend. For years after she died I didn't know who I was. As a twin, your identity is as half of a whole. So, without her, who was I? By myself, I wasn't one of "the twins" or "the girls." I ate to be less lonely. I gained weight and looked less and less like Leah might have. The last thing I let go of was my name."

"Because of Lucy Caboosey…" Rachel surmises having seen the posters before Quinn tore one down.

"Because we were Leah and Lucy…and Lucy alone just never felt like enough," Quinn admits, her voice breaking.

Slowly, she feels Rachel's arms fold her into a hug. "I think Lucy was very brave," Rachel says, her own voice shaking with emotion. "But, do you know something?"

She shakes her head.

"So is Quinn Fabray."

The End.