Disclaimer: See previous chapters for disclaimers of ownership. Also, I apologize for any butchering of the [Mandarin] Chinese language. I am not fluent in any sense of the word, nor do am I computer savvy enough to get all those diacritic symbols to appear where they need to go. All Chinese phrases are borrowed from Firefly inspired websites.
Author's Note: Holy cow you guys! I had a pretty good idea that last chapter was a good one, but good enough to warrant almost 50 reviews! I'm not a good enough writer for that awesomeness. I loved all the firefly prompts, and actually plan to write a few – but I need to spread them apart a bit. This first one is a Harry/Simon, but I may actually need to write it again (since there's actually very little interaction between the two in this story.) Hopefully you'll enjoy it though; I cracked up laughing at a very inappropriate moment when this idea came to mind.
This story takes place sometime after season one for firefly, and post-Hogwarts.
Shinigami Clara requests a Firefly crossover. Harry/Simon and 'It's not what you think!'
"Gorram it Jayne! It's not what you think!"
It wasn't uncommon at all to hear yelling on his ship, it was even less uncommon for all that yellin' to be directed towards the kind-of-ex Mercenary Jayne Cobb. However, this time it was turning out to be awfully peculiar since the one yelling sounded desperate, and Harrison (Harry) Cobb rarely ever needed to raise his voice to control that older brother of his.
"What is going on in here?" Mal called as he stepped out onto the catwalk, walking calmly towards the two brothers as they seemingly grappled over Jayne's beloved Vera.
"Mal! That doc of yours is a dead man!" Jayne growled loudly as he tried to push by his much shorter brother, only for the dark haired teen to throw himself at his brother once more. Harry seemed to be pulling all the tricks he could think of to keep the man where he was.
"May I ask why? Ya'know, before there's any killin'." Mal couldn't help but sigh mentally as he saw the rest of his crew slowly creep out of the figurative woodwork to watch the goin's on in the cargo bay.
"He took advantage! That no good-." Jayne made a noise of frustration as he tried to censor himself in front of his adopted little brother. "That hwoo dahn violated my little brother!"
"For the love of-." It was Harry who cut himself off this time, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration and muttering under his breath in broken Chinese. "I don't need you of all people defending my honor."
"Just what do you mean by that?" Jayne couldn't help but snap back, staring down at his brother with a look that Mal would almost call concern. "I've been the one takin' care of you since I found you all passed out and not knowing who you are back on the farm. It's my job to look after you."
"I'm not your virginal little sister!" Harry cried exasperated as he nearly threw his arms to the ceiling but stopped himself and kept a hold of his brother. "Quit treating me like some little virginal flower that can't take care of herself. No offense meant ladies."
"None taken," Kaylee called cheerfully from where she sat across the causeway, her feet kicking back and forth as she turned to look up at Mal's first mate. "Right Zoe?"
"Nope. Us flowers know where we stand." Zoe chuckled as she leaned against her husband's side, ignoring his whispered comments about 'petals' and 'stems'.
"The point is," Harry drew attention back to himself as he jabbed a finger at his brother's chest. "I'm well enough past the age of consent. And if I want to have sex with my boyfriend then I'm more than entitled to it."
"Boyfriend?" Jayne's yell rang loudly throughout the ship, finally drawing the attention of the Tam siblings to the bay. "How long has this been going on then?"
"It doesn't matter!" Harry snapped, glancing at Simon out of the corner of his eye and giving the quiet man an easy smile before turning back on Jayne. "You're not allowed to interfere. Or so help me Jayne Francis Cobb I will tell everyone here every single embarrassing story from your childhood that I've ever heard!"
"You wouldn't dare,"
"Hey Wash! Did I ever tell you about the time that Jayne wandered a little too close to the cow ditch and -." Harry called loudly, only to be cut off by Jayne's hand slapping over his mouth.
"You swore you'd never tell anyone about that!" Jayne whispered harshly, only pulling his hand off Harry's mouth after the teen stopped attempting to talk.
"And I won't! As long as you stop treating me like a little kid!" Harry hissed angrily and stepped away from his brother, looping his arm in Simon's. "Now if you excuse us."
"Just where the hell do you think you're going?" Jayne grumbled as he turned the safety back on Vera, watching as his brother led Simon back in the direction of his rooms.
"I'm going to go take advantage of my boyfriend!" Harry called over his shoulder as he slid open the door to Simon's room and gently pushed his bemused lover inside. "I suggest you go somewhere else if you don't want to hear anything."
"You can't do that!"
"Niou fun." Harry sing-songed as he stepped into the bedroom and shut it behind him, the lock clicking into place was easily heard by all.
"Come on Jayne," Mal threw his arm over the shell shocked man's shoulder, leading him towards the galley. "How about we get you a bite to eat to take your mind off the fact that your little brother's not a little girl anymore."
"Yeah, and then you can tell this story that's apparently about you, a ditch, and cow excrement." Wash called cheerfully, practically skipping towards the awaiting meal of what would surely be nothing but protein squashed into whatever creative shape Kaylee could think of.
"Are you sure I can't shoot 'im?"
Hopefully you guys found this as funny as I did. Please review, and keep up those prompts! Remember – give me the pairing (and where the other character besides Harry comes from obviously) as well as a prompt one to five words in length.
Chinese translations
Gorram – 'God damnit'
Hwoo dahn – 'Jerk'
Niou fun – 'cow dung'