Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

Chapter 39 (The Tour)

"Welcome to the best junior college ever!" Cat jumped, spreading her arms up and out while moving backwards along the sidewalk. Trina chuckled, her eyebrow arched and her lips twisted in a cockeyed smile. She swept her hair over her ear and shook her head. "Are you ready for the grand tour? You've got the best tour guide ever." The redhead poked her chest with her thumb. "Me."

"Cat." Trina raised her hand, stifling another laugh. "Dial it down on the pep a bit. Just a bit." A timid smile formed on the girl's face and her brow wrinkled and lifted.

"Sorry. I'm just happy you're giving this school a chance." She was happier about more than that, from what Trina could tell. Every time she made an effort to reach out to the redhead, there was a chipper air in her voice and a light in her eyes. The girl wanted so much to have this fi friendship, and Trina was beginning to trust her enough to give her a chance. Surely, that chance meant the world to Cat.

"Have you ever given thought to being a cheerleader?"

"Actually yeah." Cat shrugged. Trina jerked back in surprise and opened her mouth slow. "I am a cheerleader. Extracurricular activity and whatnot, but it's not my degree."

"What's your degree?"

"Business." Another shock. She couldn't picture Cat in a business suit, sitting at a table with a bunch of corporate bigwigs and executives. "I want to be an event planner for a city."

"Really? You?"

Cat threw her hand to her chest and laughed boldly. "Don't be so surprised, Trina. You ought to know how often interests change. Not everyone is into the same things they were in high school." The girl scrunched her face and squinted her eyes at the sky as though to challenge the sun. "Maybe two in six don't."

Trina crossed her arms and smirked, recognizing that as the number of people in Tori's group of friends. "And where do you get this statistic?"

"Where every statistic comes from." Cat shrugged again and turned around. "Thin air." Trina chuckled. "I haven't seen Beck into acting anymore, and I don't think Jade wants to go the entertainment route either." Trina's smile faded and she let out a grunt in reply. "Andre, however, is majoring in music. Piano, to be specific."

"Finally, something that isn't a surprise. He still want to be famous?"

"No." Cat's voice trailed off as she began walking down the sidewalk. "I'm pretty sure that's still just your sister." Trina dropped her arms and followed after the girl "Andre may actually go into giving piano lessons and stuff."

"Why's he given up on being a big time celebrity?"

"High school dreams aren't always college dreams, Trina." Cat stretched her arms out and sighed. "Anyone can want to be big-time and famous, but then people grow and mature. Some still want fame and recognition, while some discover they want to have a living with the basics in life-finding that they don't need much else to be happy."

"And what are these basics, Cat?"

"A career, family, a home and a community. Like you. Are you still wanting to be a star?"

"No." She frowned, closing her eyes and rolling her shoulders back. "Things have changed. I'm not so much a diva anymore. I'll be lucky to even come close to having a normal life at this point…"

"You can still achieve it. Besides. What is normal?" She hesitated and Cat looked over her shoulder with a chipper smile that seemed to jar her nerves for a split second. "Legit question. You'll find that 'normal' is different for everyone, and what someone describes as normal tends to be what that person really wants in their life. Core values."

"I just want to be happy. I want a family that is whole. I don't care if I have an extravagant life, I just want to have a marriage to someone that loves me…" Her heart trembled in her chest and moisture formed under her eyelids. "I want a good career, a simple house that provides warmth and shelter. Love. Children that run around with their dog in the back yard." She huffed in an attempt to hold back a slight sob. "I mean. A simple life, a whole family."

"A home filled with love. No one says you can't have that." Cat circled her hand in the air. "You might have to work a little harder to get there, but you can get there."

"Yeah. Maybe." She didn't want to think too much about it now, she just wanted to look at the campus. "There's a lot I would have done differently, you know. I wouldn't have given up my little girl if I knew I would have had help." Cat shook her head.

"You can't focus on that. Hard as it is, you got to think of the future." Trina's lips pressed tightly shut. A storm grew in her heart, and she felt like rain was falling from the clear blue sky. "Learn from that past though. Your decisions and everything."

"I will. I mean, I know if I ever have another child, I'm not giving this one up." She took a deep breath, wincing at the burning taste in the back of her throat. Cat turned around and placed her hands onto her shoulders, looking her in the eyes.

"Things are different now, Trina." Her brow crinkled like paper and her eyebrows pushed together. "Whether you see it or not. You were with…that one guy, right?" Cat smacked her lips. "The asshole. Trapped in a world of drugs and alcohol. No light at the end of the tunnel, no family you trusted enough to help you and few friends."

"Y-Yeah that's right."

"What you did. Nobody, and I mean nobody can ever fault you for." Trina mustered a weak smile. She hoped her daughter might never fault her for doing what she did. "You had to do it. To protect that little girl. Now you have something that you didn't have back then. Your dad-your real dad-is there to help you. You are away from that horror of a past. Things are different now. You know you would have help…"

"I guess…"

"Hell." Cat dropped her hands and cocked a smile. "You even have a willing babysitter if you ever need one." She raised her eyebrows and started to relax. "Sam and I did babysit for a while."

Trina noticed in their conversation, they'd walked all the way across the campus. "Um Cat? We passed a bunch of places and you haven't said a word about the campus yet."

"Oh I know." Cat pointed to a two story building in front of them and grinned from ear to ear. "This was the first place I wanted to show you. I thought you might like it." She crossed her arms and shrugged. "It's the athletics building." Her interest was suddenly peaked and she bounced once on her feet, studying the tall brick building in front of her.

"Athletics center, you say?"

"Yep. You've got full size gyms with weight equipment and treadmills. Plus all your athletics classes are here. You seem like someone that would spend a lot of time here."

Hell, she wanted to go in and see it now if she could. "You're right." Cat shut her eyes and giggled. "I want to go in now."

"You can, but there's not much point other than to look. I mean, you have to have a student ID use the equipment." She didn't care so much about using the equipment, she just wanted to see what there was. "But let's go ahead and head inside to see what you want."

"Great!"

Her excitement had only grown after touring the innards of the building. She loved the weightlifting rooms and the vast space in the rooms for treadmills and cycles. What got her the most was the huge gymnasium, where a class had been doing yoga.

When they left the building, she was jittery and full of excitement. "God what else does this campus have!" Cat laughed, almost expectantly, and guided her to a building that appeared to be in the center of the campus.

It was up a small flight of stone steps and seated with a faculty building in front, a classroom building on the corner to the right, another large building in the back right corner, and pathway to the left. "This." Cat hooked a finger over her lower lip, biting her nail for a minute before sweeping her hand out. "Is the library."

"Awesome."

"In here you'll find an array of books and newspaper articles dating back a hundred or so years. We have a computer lab on the second floor, which you have to have a student ID for. Also in here, and I use this a lot, is a coffee and cappuccino machine. Excellent for long study hours."

Trina nodded fervently and continued following the girl. Cat motioned to the three story building in front of the library and cleared her throat. "Faculty building that houses a lot of the arts, language, history and government professors."

"Cool." She flattened her gaze and crossed her arms, smirking at the redhead. "You know. Tour guide. You'd think the first place you'd show is the student center." Cat snapped her fingers and gasped out.

"Oh yes. Of course, normally I would, but I had a different path in mind for you. Follow me!" They moved past the building across to the right, north corner of the library-directly to the right of the faculty building. "By the way, you have the academic learning center in here. They do hire a lot of work studies if you're into that."

"Work study?"

"Yeah. For school. You have to be enrolled to do it though."

"What would I do in the learning lab?"

"I don't know. Depends on your interests. Some students tutor, others work there as like an office assistant almost." She hummed, once more feeling a spark of curiosity. "Anyway, you know Robbie? He comes here too and is a tutor there."

"He's a tutor?" She rolled her head to the side and arched an eyebrow. "Really?"

"He's a lot smarter than he seems. A bit of a nerd, actually." Cat laughed out. "You should see him work with computers." The girl snapped her fingers again. "Speaking of which…" They walked past the building north of the area with the learning center. "To your right is the computer science building. This also houses English classes, foreign language, and mathematics. Robbie's majoring in mathematics."

"Cool."

They stopped at the parking lot and Cat pointed to the large speck of grass at the opposite end. "Don't go there." Trina hummed for a moment, studying the area closely. She didn't see anything besides trees and bushes. It was quaint and peaceful looking. "You should go to the quad if you want to relax in nature or anything, not that spot."

"Why?" She crossed her arms and frowned as Cat hung her head and shook it.

"We call it stoned point for a reason." She looked again, noting the lack of stones or boulders anywhere in the area. She hated being told not to do something, because it made her want to do exactly that. "People also get really into recreational drugs in college. That's no myth. So, that being said, stoners usually hang out over there. It's out of the way of sight, and the teachers have given up trying to stop anyone from smoking over there." Cat paused, rolling her eyes. "Nowadays anyone can claim 'it's medicinal!', so what the fuck is the point?"

She laughed, remembering an old conversation she had with someone. While some legitimately wanted to use marijuana for medicinal purposes, she fully believed the only reason anyone wanted to legalize pot was to get high and nothing more. "Sure puts drug dealers out of business."

"Yeah…moving on. Just stay away from that area."

"Sure." She shrugged and followed Cat back towards the campus. Thinking of 'stoned point', she couldn't help but to remember Sinjin. He was the only one back in high school that looked out for her, going so far as to protect her from his stoner friends that wanted to take advantage of her when she got drunk. "What ever happened to Sinjin, by the way? Do you know?" Cat didn't look back and continued walking.

"Far as I know, he's still smoking pot." The girl seemed distant and harsh in her tone. It was expected, and Trina didn't expect Cat to know how much Sinjin helped her in the past. "I've made an effort to stay away from him. He's bad news, Trina."

"Why? Just because he smokes?"

"If he smokes, what else does he do?"

"Maybe not that much. I can't judge. He was good to me, Cat. One of the few people back then that were." Finally the redhead looked back, smiling briefly.

"You're right. I'm sorry." The girl let out a sigh and turned back. "I don't know if the two of you were friends or not, but I do know he respected you." Cat ran her hand behind her neck, sliding it down towards her back. "I remember he called us all out for being vain that one time when we were all concerned about getting more followers on social media…all because you had a lot…"

It took a moment for Trina to think of what the girl was talking about, but when she did, she started laughing. "Oh god. I did that to feel better about myself." She wrapped her arms around her stomach and bowled over as Cat let out a sheepish laugh. "I felt like crap when I saw how popular everyone else was, so I had Sinjin hack the…yeah, I shouldn't have done that, but you know…"

"Not surprised, with your low self-esteem back then." Cat smirked, and pride flashed in her eyes. "We were more surprised that you kept it going."

"Yeah, when Sinjin and I saw how you were all reacting to my social media followers, all huffy because I-of all people-had so many, we couldn't help but to see how it played out."

Cat straightened herself, blinking several times and lowering her voice. "That's actually kind of clever…" Trina's right eyebrow arched high and she folded her arms across her chest, waiting as the girl shook her head. "I mean, it proves a point that none of us saw back then."

"What's that?"

"How self-important we saw ourselves." Cat winced. "Or how the others saw themselves."

"Tori has borderline personality disorder, she has to be the center of attention. You guys, however, have no excuse."

"Yeah, I know. It was important though. A groundbreaking moment that made a lot of us realize how vain we were being. It helped some of us kind of see how stupid we'd been, and work towards something different."

Trina's eyes popped a bit and she leaned back, gasping softly. "Really?" She moved her hand to her chest, raising the pitch in her voice. "I caused that?"

"More than you know." Cat shrugged. "I mean, it was just a start. Mr. Vega's actioins that one time caused another one of those eye-opening moments."

"The others are still avoiding Tori?"

"As far as I know, they've started moving on." She winced for a moment, feeling a tad jilted hearing the news. Cat looked back with an expression of pity. "I mean, you know, they tried separating from her for a while. Then life just got in the way for everyone, so it's not intentional…they've just had their own issues going on and haven't been able to get back to Tori."

"She could use some friends, you know. Like me. She's trapped with that monster, she needs the support."

"I know." Cat smacked her lips and clenched her eyes shut. "Believe me, I know. I can't do much since I've made an effort to separate from some of them, like Jade. The others? It's up to them. Life's gotten in the way, but they might reconnect. You just have to be patient."

"I hope they do." She didn't know what else to say. She wasn't her sister's keeper anymore. "I've started looking out for myself." Her voice shook with guilt and agitation, and her heart started to break. "I can't look after Tori anymore. I can't protect Mom either. David will kill me if I try anything-my probation would be shot if I went anywhere near them right now."

"I'll talk to Robbie. Maybe he can do something, since he still talks to Beck and Andre." That was good news. She wanted Tori to have her friends, but at the same time, she didn't want to force it. They only had to go back if they felt like going back.

She couldn't protect them from David's rages either, not anymore. Cat knew this, so it would be a big leap of faith for Cat to even suggest they reconnect with Tori now. "As far as I know, my sister hasn't started college anywhere and hasn't had any luck making new friends…"

Cat nodded, understanding the dilemma. The girl's hands moved to her hips and her eyes closed over. "Look. Trina. I know you don't like talking shit about your sister, and I'm not about to gossip; but you need to know, some of them think Tori's insane."

Her heart dropped and she started to become defensive, but withheld her thoughts for the girl's sake. Hell, she knew the others were well within their rights for thinking this, especially given the number of tales Tori had spun about her own family.

Cat opened her eyes partially and started to sigh. "Some of them are also scared by Mr. Vega. Jade might go just for pure curiosity, but come on…after that night, you don't know what went on with everyone."

"What? What went on?" She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. Cat chuckled in vain and shook her head.

"I've never seen Jade fear anything, but that night, she saw a monster for the first time. She saw someone that she couldn't control or rise above, someone that scared the living shit out of her. Everyone saw for the first time, you taking a stand to protect them and to protect your family. Everyone learned the things Tori was saying wasn't much other than cries for attention in an abusive household."

"Cat. Please. I know they're afraid, but right now my sister needs friends to help her." Cat flattened her eyebrows and twisted the left corner of her mouth.

"And maybe she'll get some friends that will be good for her, but those friends have to be good for her." Trina frowned and bowed in defeat, knowing that Cat was right. There was a time and a place for friends, certain friends would prove to be better and present at the right time in someone's life more than others. For her, Cat's friendship now was more impactful and right for her than in the past. The same would be true for Tori.

"You're right. I wouldn't force any of them to be friends with Tori if they didn't want to. I just…don't want my stepdad to scare them away from Tori. You were all friends with her once."

"Once. Yes. In a time we didn't really know anything about her or about her family." Cat folded her arms and raised her shoulders. "We all believed willy-nilly her every word. Thinking her dad was nothing more than just negligent, and her mother was in the throes of an affair-or that you were just simply insane and desiring to be the center of attention in everything. We never considered that all these things were painted images falsified to garner sympathy for her victimized imagery. We didn't realize Mr. Vega was an abusive shithole, we didn't know your mother wasn't actually in an affair, rather the officer we thought she was in an affair with was your dad."

"I didn't know that either, so we're kind of in the same boat…" It was hard to hear any of this, especially from Cat. She understood where the girl was coming from and why she was so concerned; or why Tori's friends might be staying away. "But yeah…Tori hid a lot, but probably for good reason."

"Maybe. It changed everyone's view of your family, though. They were angry for a while, you know…" Cat dropped her hands and swung them out, raising her shoulders and sighing. "They couldn't understand why Tori spun those stories. They couldn't understand why she didn't tell them anything that a true friend would help with. They felt like they couldn't be real friends for her…she needs a friend that can be a true friend for her. I don't know if any of the others can be that, or if they even want to at this point."

Cat hesitated, her eyes peering beyond Trina. "Speaking of…" Trina looked over her shoulder and was stunned to see Beck walking up. The man waved and opened his mouth, speaking quickly and with surprise.

"Hey guys, I didn't think I'd see you here. What's up?"

Cat swayed to the right and narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing here, Beck? You're not enrolled here."

"Yeah but I was checking up on a friend." Beck looked from Cat to Trina, smiling slightly. "Hey Trina. What are you doing here?"

Trina smiled faintly, not wanting to appear distant or unwilling to talk. She wanted to at least appear cordial, and if nothing else, maybe talk to Beck about the possibility of his befriending Tori again. "I'm okay." She motioned to Cat. "Cat's giving me a tour of the campus. I might be enrolling here."

"Oh cool, you should if you want to. It's not a bad place, as far as my friends say."

"Yeah. You go somewhere else, right?"

"UCLA."

"Yeah. I thought about that, but it was just too costly at the moment. Junior college is probably a better starting point."

"Probably right."

"So um…" Trina ran her hand over the back of her neck and looked at Cat for a second as she walked forward. "Have you um…have you thought about talking to Tori at all again?" Beck frowned, his demeanor changing to a sudden quietness.

"I can't say that I've made any plans to go back there right now, Trina. If I'm honest. Things have been kind of stressful lately, so I'm just not sure if I'm ready to deal with her um…her drama."

"It's not all her fault, you know."

"Maybe. You know, you don't have to protect her or put her first or anything. I'm just saying…I'm sure you have more important things to worry about than being your sister's keeper."

She didn't know whether to be shocked or offended by Beck's words. It was amazing how much things had changed in the last few years. Beck had gone from being the first person to ever defend Tori-to his own girlfriend-to now not even being certain if Tori ought to be defended.

Her eyes narrowed and her teeth clenched as her fingers gripped tightly her waist. "How can I not be my sister's keeper if she doesn't even have any friends that want to look out for her? She's not that bad!"

Or perhaps she was. BPD was a terrifying thing, more for those that lived with them than those that were mere friends, but it didn't mean the person was meant to be avoided.

"She needs the right friend in her life." Beck stopped his hand at the bottom of his neck and tilted his head to the right. "I'm not that person…Jade sure as hell isn't that person. You know how crazy she is."

"Really? You're going to talk about your girlfriend being crazy?"

"Things are…" His hand fell to the side and he let out a small breath of air. "Complicated…" He bowed his head and shook it. "She's in her own world. I don't know. I…I don't know."

"Yeah, okay, I'm staying away from that one." She wanted nothing to do with a conversation regarding his relationship status. She didn't need the drama, especially now that Jade was going to be so close to her in some ways. "I don't want to hear anything more."

"Yeah no, I know." He cleared his throat and mustered a faint smile. "Anyway, if you decide to enroll here, I hope you like it." He motioned to Cat. "You've got a great tour guide."

Cat puffed herself up, beaming with pride. "Thank you!" The girl chimed. Trina couldn't help but to smile. She was enjoying the tour, and looked forward to possibly coming here.

It didn't take much to enroll, and while she didn't know a whole lot of what she wanted to do, it didn't matter. She just needed to pace herself and she'd find the right path.

Happiness could be achieved. Goals, such as what Cat was talking about earlier, could happen. She just had to set her mind to them, and strive to make it. No matter how much she doubted, she was certain she could achieve something. It was just a matter of pushing herself.

Alot being discussed here. What are your thoughts and what are your observations? Do tell.