A/N: Hope you like reading Jerry's side of the story – please review with your thoughts! Only two more chapters to go after this one – really this time.

To: queen_of_the_castle at hotmail. com

From: jerry. knight at gmail. com

Time Sent: Wed, August 15, 2010 at 6:57 pm

Subject: It's difficult to explain – but let me try

After all, that bleeding, burning, festering wound of ours definitely needs airing out, a thorough clean, antiseptic and some fresh bandages – to continue your rather gross metaphor :-)

I want you to think back to three months ago – or better still, nine months ago before all that crap about Phil Elton and Frank Churchill; we were best friends. Not that we ever stopped being best friends in between, but I mean I want you to think back to the time when we were best friends and didn't have to worry about anything at all.

It was great, wasn't it? Hanging out with you was fun, no matter what we were doing (heck, even if we had nothing to do, it was better being bored with you than being bored by myself). You made me laugh, and sometimes we'd have stupid debates just to wind each other up, and occasionally we'd talk seriously about our goals and hopes and dreams.

Now fast-forward through several months of teenage angst and misunderstandings and we're together. At first there was joy and relief – my best friend who I never thought would return my feelings, was finally my girlfriend. And then came the panic – my best friend and my girlfriend were suddenly one and the same, and what if I messed up and then I lost both in one fell swoop?

I was trying; I was doing my best not to blow it. Some parts (kissing you, talking to you, kissing you, listening to you, kissing you) came naturally, but I struggled with others (the actual 'going on dates' part of dating – oh God, do you remember how horrifically awkward our first proper date was? I had no idea what to say to you, because I already knew all the answers to the standard first date getting-to-know-you questions).

The point is, sometimes this awful feeling of wondering whether I'm doing this relationship thing right obtrudes even on the parts that come naturally, and I just miss being your best friend and not having to worry about any of this. Don't get me wrong – I would never want to go back to being nothing to you except your friend. I love you, so much it scares me sometimes – because when I look at you, I think this is it, and I'm not supposed to think this is it at my age. (Though, rest assured, I do not watch you while you sleep, nor do I have a strong urge to do so; neither will I ever wreck your car so you can't spend time with your other friends; and in return please oblige me by promising never to jump off a cliff if you miss me – just give me a call instead.)

So what was I thinking when I ordered a pizza and rented The Princess Bride (apart from, 'Mmm, pizza' and 'I love this movie')? I guess I just wanted to be comfortable, and to have fun, and to relax, and to spend time with you without feeling pressured.

I'm still learning, and I realise now that I timed that wrong – you're totally right; it being your birthday, I should have made an effort for you, even if it meant going out of my comfort zone.

I'm sorry, Emma :(

Let me make it up to you – let's go out now, and have the romantic evening that should have been. What do you think?