A/N: I do not own these characters they are the property of DC Nation. Thanks for all your commentary, keep it coming!

Chapter 35:

Wednesday, 13 September 2013

5:24 AM

Dick's POV:

Eventually you get used to everything. Doesn't matter what it is. Sprained ankle? Give it a week and you'll stop noticing the pain before it actually heals. Pouring rain? Stand outside for a few hours and you won't notice the cold anymore. After over nine hours of searching in the rain Dick doesn't even notice it's still beating down on him. They had covered so much ground but no one had found anything. A search team of twelve super heroes and they found nothing. It takes everything Dick has not to fall to his knees in the alley where he waits for Robin.

"I hate to say this…" Robin falls out of the shadows and lands in a crouch next to him.

"Then don't."

"I don't think we are going to find anything in this rain." Straightening up Robin shrugs. Dick bites his lip tasting the very rain that has ruined their chances of finding anything. "Anything physical at least…" Dick doesn't react, just keeps staring at the street. Maybe after hearing bad news for so long he had gotten used to that too. "And we can't just question everyone. We have to work smarter than that." He talks slowly, like he's afraid to set Dick off, "You in there?"

"Yeah." Dick turns from the street and looks at his little brother, his hair is pressed against his head and water drips from the bottom of his cape, "Yeah, you're right." His voice is flat. Hopeless. Did he really think hope was lost? Dick told himself he didn't, there was always hope but was he really just lying to himself? Slade was his greatest foe and he couldn't beat him. He thought he had but that was a lie. Every day Cassie was gone was like a slap to the face showing him exactly how useless and wrong he was.

"Do you want me to…?" Robin points to his ear where the com link rests. Dick shakes his head and sends a message to everyone searching before he can convince himself it's a mistake.

"This is Nightwing." He takes a shaky breath finding it hard to speak, "We've been at this for hours and the rain is washing away anything potentially useful to us. Head home guys." Dick swallows his eyes burning behind the mask. This was the right move but it felt wrong. Like he was abandoning her. His whole face is steaming and he leans his head back trying to pull it together because Tim is standing two feet away. Wally's voice comes over the com link.

"Are you sure?" Dick lets his head fall. He wants to say No, of course I'm not sure! But he doesn't. Breathing isn't easy anymore like the rain is filling his lungs and drowning him.

"We're done here…" He stares down at the floor hating himself. "I'm calling off the search." He shuts off the com link and stumbles toward the back of the alley leaning heavily on the wall for support. Robin grabs him arm and Dick lets himself fall to the floor his knees to shaky to sustain his weight any longer. It feels like he just gave up on Cassie by calling off the search. Like he accepted that there is nothing he can do to save her. Robin kneels in front of him pressing his shoulders to a wall and telling him to breath. Dick shakes his head the one thing he feels like he can't do is breath. Tears start to spill over his eyes and there is no stopping them, they fill his mask until he can't see so he has to pull it off.

"You're having a panic attack." Tim grabs Dick beneath the chin and tries to force him to look up but Dick tries to push him away. "Dick you have to stop fighting me and breathe." He doesn't stop fighting but his heart isn't in it and he doesn't manage to do more than push weakly at Tim's arms and chest. "Dick you're exhausted and wound up you have to stop." Dick lets his head fall back onto the wall sucking in rain with hiccupping breaths. "You need to breath. It's going to be okay."

"It's going to be okay?" Dick rolls his head back and forth on the wall, "No it's not!" He's screaming, and he knows he shouldn't be. They are in the Narrows and he isn't wearing his mask anymore, screaming could draw attention they don't want. He wipes at his running nose and remembers Cassie crying on Friday morning with a pain like someone stabs him in the heart. "I just gave up looking for my daughter!" Dick fights harder against Tim's hands on his shoulders, he didn't deserve anyone's help after what he just did.

"No you didn't you –"

"She's out here somewhere…" He looks down the street through the rain and imagines he could just walk into the first door he sees and find her sitting on the floor but he can't. "She's out here somewhere alone and scared. Probably bleeding or dying and I'm sitting here calling off the search!" He feels like he's about to vomit, the bile taste rising in his throat.

"Yeah, you called off a search that was going nowhere but you did it so that we can go find a better way to look for her." Dick grabs a hold of Tim's uniform balling up the material in his fists not sure if he is pushing his brother away or trying to pull him closer. "But you did not call off the search Dick. You are still looking for her, we all are." Tim's face is stern and his grip on Dick's shoulders is sturdy. Dick hiccups a few breaths until his arms grow weak and his heart beats less erratically, his head leaning on the wall.

"I feel like I gave up on her." Dick's lip quivers and he bites it waiting for a new bout of panic. "I gave up on my little girl." He stares down at his gloves not sure if he's watching tears or rain drops hit them

"You did not give up on her." Tim shakes him so his head leans back on the wall. "And you are not going to. None of us are." Dick's chest heaves, everything inside him being strangled by guilt and fear and regret. "Cassie is a tough girl. You trained her that way and she will hold on until we find her. And we will find her." Dick nods and Tim helps him to his feet. He's shaky and finally feels the extent of how emotionally and physically exhausted he is. Tim gave him back some of that hope that he'd forgotten about but leaving that alley he again starts to feel the cold of the rain as it beats relentlessly onto his body.