A/N: A box of tissues to all who got weepy over my last chapter. Thanks so much for your kind words over the loss of my Nymph, I'm still missing her and the other two a lot.

My muse also seems to have deserted me, it comes back for little bits every so often but then leaves me again for days on end. Writing has been very frustrating.

WARNING: Draco's memories of what he thinks happened may make some a little squeamish just rememberwhether the memories are real or not is yet to be seen.

Thanks all… rosiegirl, twinlady, goldenfireb, jellyfish72, Cheelalaucha, Droxy, DebsTheSnapeFanNow, Melindaleo, Icy Panther, Shadow DarknessDragon, ckat44, baby sweet, Cynthia1850, theLastBLACK17, SirenLore, MattD12027, acacia59601, ER Burner Of Cookies, perfectpureblood, Im SiRiuSly ObSSeSeD Catmint, inu-youkai 911, injuredworm, Delaine, Linker27, Serenity Melody, Sari5156, excessively perky, lucidity, WinterNightfall, SBR, Leanne, Sever13, midnightwanderer, Nikelodean, darkcelestial20, Princess of the Saiyans 16, Haunt of Twilight, RavenBeastboy, Kitteh, ADHD, DNA strand, Jen

This chapter is named after a lyric from Evanescence's song "My Immortal."

Huge thank you's to my beta Staporize who is way more on top of things than I am. Thanks:)

Disclaimer: None of it is mine; it all belongs to the extremely talented JKR

Chapter 38: I'll wipe away all of your tears (part two)

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny stormed the hospital wing the following morning.

They found Harry sitting up drinking a potion that Madam Pomfrey had handed him. As soon as he handed the empty glass back to the mediwitch, Hermione hurled herself into his arms. "I'm so sorry about Hedwig." He lightly hugged her back then lay back down.

"You have a fever again, don't you?" she asked, concerned, as the heat radiated off of his body.

"Potter's fever rose again over night. He needs to rest and drink lots of fluids. He shouldn't be having visitors," Pomfrey explained emphatically.

"We just want to stay with him for a little while," Ron pleaded.

"Very well, but not longer than 30 minutes."

Ginny went over to the other side of the bed since Ron and Hermione seemed to be hogging Harry on the one side. She reached down and took his hand into her own. As she sat down in the chair she thought of what she had seen last night. She wanted to reach down and hold him and comfort him, but that would need to wait till the others were gone. She would never let him know that she had seen him crying last night – he would be too embarrassed. Despite the flush of colour on his cheeks, his face was very pale, making his green eyes look stark. Harry's eyes had deep shadows and he looked ill. His hand was limp in hers.

Ron tried to distract Harry's thoughts by discussing the latest Quidditch game. Hermione glared at him with annoyance. She kept trying to steer the conversation to Hedwig, but Harry stayed silent on the topic. Ginny squeezed his hand to let him know she understood.

"Thanks for coming, all of you, but I'm okay, just tired," Harry said, his voice sounding strained and weary.

"Are you sure mate?" Ron asked, looking bewildered.

"Yeah, I just want to get some more sleep."

Hermoine looked at Ginny and then nodded.

"Come on, Ron, you're going to be late for practice. I'll come and watch." She practically hauled the tall, lanky red head out of the wing.

As soon as they left, Harry pulled his hand out of Ginny's.

"Why did you do that?" she immediately asked.

"Because I want to be alone. You should have gone with Ron and 'Mione," he replied, annoyance in his voice.

She sighed irritably. "I know you're hurting over Hedwig's death and I know how frustrated you are by the blindness, but shutting everyone out isn't going to make you feel batter. We need you in our lives and, whether you like it or not, you need us." She paused and added softly, "You aren't alone anymore."

He remained silent. She reached out and lightly stroked back his damp black hair. Then she climbed on the bed and lay down with her head on his chest. "Are you really sure you want us all to leave you alone?"

When his hand came around her waist, she knew she had her answer. He haltingly told her what had happened. His eyes had closed and her heart ached at his pained expression.

"I'm so sorry, Harry," she choked out. "But Hedwig is free now and wherever she is I'm sure she doesn't want to see you in so much pain."

"It won't go away," he said quietly.

She kissed him on the cheek. "It will in time. You know that."

He sighed, thinking of Sirius. She was right: the terrible ache did fade in time, but he was strong then and right now he felt anything but. He turned his head so his cheek rested against the top of her forehead.

It took a few moments for Ginny to realize that he had fallen asleep. Madam Pomfrey came in shortly after to usher her out.

"Can you heal him?" Ginny asked worriedly.

"I'm trying, along with Professor Snape. We have not been able to bring the fever down."

"He seems to have just given up."

"Don't worry, he has lots of skilled people who will try their best. He experienced a shock last night, and now he needs some rest."

When Harry next awoke, he realized Ginny had left. He then heard Severus' voice. "If the problem isn't physical, how can we heal him?"

Dominic's voice came next: "One solution would be send him to St. Mungo's, but I wouldn't recommend that. The other solution is to try and help him here."

"How?"

"I haven't figured that out yet, but I think Voldemort did something to him." Dominic's voice dropped.

Harry stayed silent. He was glad that Dominic didn't think sending him to St. Mungo's was a good idea.

"How are you feeling this morning?" came Snape's concerned voice.

"Tired."

There was silence on Snape's part until Harry felt him suddenly put something in his hand. It felt light, like a small cardboard box.

"What is this?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"Hedwig's ashes. You can hang on to them if you like until you are ready to distribute them. Or if you would prefer I will hang onto them for you."

Harry swallowed uncomfortably. "I'll keep them," he said quietly.

Snape sat on the chair by Harry's bed.

"I'm all right," Harry stated.

Snape snorted. "You have to defeat the Dark Lord, you are blind, you have a fever, and you just lost your pet. You are anything but all right, Potter!"

Harry didn't respond.

"Come on, you need to get up and walk around a little."

He shook his head. "Too tired."

Snape looked at Harry; he wasn't about to let him sink into a deep depression. He got up and grabbed Harry's arm, pulling him into an upright position.

"Get off me," the younger wizard protested.

"I'll help you. Come on, get up," the Potions Master insisted.

Wearily Harry got to his feet, a resentful look on his face. He immediately stumbled and would have fallen if Snape wasn't holding him up.

"Are you feeling dizzy?" he asked, concerned.

"Yes," hissed Harry.

Snape was worried; the boy's condition was getting worse. In addition, his lethargy seemed to be growing. He made Harry walk to the bathroom and, despite his protests, put him into the shower again, making him hold onto the stall's doors.

The cold water rushing over him made him gasp and shiver. When it was over, Snape handed him a towel. The dizziness had passed and he was able to dry himself off and get into the fresh pajamas that Snape handed him. He guided him back into his bed where Harry turned over onto his side facing away from him.

Snape sat in the chair for a long time wondering how he could best help him as well as Draco.

Draco awoke the next morning feeling so miserable he wished he could just go to sleep and never wake up.

Professor McGonagall came over and sat down beside him. "Are you feeling a little better this morning?"

"No." He sulked.

"Professor Snape was here last night. He was very worried about you," she told him quietly.

The gray eyes widened in alarm as he got out of bed. "I don't want to see him." His voice sounded breathless.

"Calm down or I'll have to call the headmaster again. You are going to have to talk to him…"

He cut her off. "You said you would be my main guardian! I won't go back to him, I…"

"DRACO! Sit down and calm down," she said sternly. "I said we would discuss this when you weren't hysterical, but you are well on your way again."

He glared at her resentfully but sat down on the edge of the bed, gulping in air.

She sat down across from him. "I know you are upset, you have made that very obvious. If you truly want me as your main guardian, I can make that a possibility, but I want you to think about how much Professor Snape – Severus – cares about you."

He opened his mouth to protest, but she lifted her hand to hush him. "He told me what had happened and he realizes he didn't think how it would affect you. He was very worried about you and that is why he had the healer examine you. No matter how angry, upset, and hurt you are right now, you know deep inside that he loves you."

Draco shook his head. "He forced me..."

"He forced you to be checked over by a healer," she said gently.

Draco swallowed heavily and stared at the wall.

"Please think about this very carefully. Before I were to take action to become your main guardian, I would insist that you and Severus have a talk. I will be there if you like."

He didn't respond. His heart dropped at the prospect of talking to Severus. He didn't want to see him or talk to him. He felt betrayed.

McGonagall brought him the plate of food she had ordered from the kitchens. She set it, along with a glass of juice, on the nightstand. She put her hand briefly on his shoulder.

"It will be okay, I promise."

He ignored her. When she left the room, he glanced at the food, shivered, and climbed back under the covers. There was no way he would talk to Severus or anyone for that matter. He would find a way to avoid doing that.

"Severus, I sat with Harry for a while last night. He awoke from a nightmare and told me something new that happened during the capture."

Snape immediately focused his attention on Molly. He had just finished arguing with Minerva, who had told him to stay away from Draco for now as the boy was still too traumatized to see him.

"Is it something that could be causing this fever?"

"I don't know." She revealed to him the Dark Lord's vision.

"He's implanted these fears into Harry's subconscious," Snape said, frowning. "Perhaps that's why he's so convinced he'll fail."

Molly nodded, her eyes filled with worry.

After having a talk with Dominic and telling him what Molly had told him, he checked on Harry again. The young wizard was asleep again and the food Dobby had brought him was untouched.

Snape then looked all over the castle for Draco, but he was no where to be found. He realized his ward was likely hiding out in Minerva's rooms. He felt terrible and he wanted to talk to Draco to apologize and reassure him. Frustrated, he decided to head to his lab to once again work on a potion for Potter.

He walked in and stopped in shock. Draco stood there frozen, his eyes wide. He was holding a vial up and was about to uncork it.

"Put that down," Snape demanded, his heart hammering uncomfortably. Merlin, the boy wasn't about to do himself in, was he?

Draco trembled but defiance shone from his eyes. He uncorked the vial and lifted it to his mouth. Snape was across the room in seconds. He attempted to grab the vial, but Draco struggled against him, causing them both to end up on the floor. Kicking and shouting, the blond twisted as Snape again tried to grab the vial. Possessed by a wild panic, Draco managed to bite the hand trying to take the vial.

"Stop it!" Snape growled and cursed. Having no other choice, he pulled his ward's arms up over his head and held him there effectively dislodging the mysterious potion. Draco stopped squirming and lay frozen, his breath laboured. When he attempted once again to get away, Snape tightened his hold, causing him to cry out in pain.

"I'll let you go, but you need to calm down. I would never hurt you, you know that," Snape said calmly.

Coughing and gasping for air, Draco tried to pull himself out of the tight grip.

His tired mind blurred and he thought he was back in the Dark Lord's grip. He gasped and struggled against the pain.

Snape let go of him quickly when he realized that the boy seemed to be hallucinating. The blond shrank back against the wall and wrapped his arms around his knees. The Potions Master sat down in front of him, hating that Draco cringed away even further.

He picked up what remained of the shattered vial and sniffed the contents. He realized that it was a powerful sleeping draught that would knock out the taker for days. "Talk to me, Draco," he said quietly, sympathetically.

Draco shook his head, unable to speak.

"Fine, then I will talk," Snape said gently. "When, when I had Dominic, the healer from St. Mungo's, examine you, it was because I was very worried about you. I don't know what it will take to get through your thick skull how much I care about and worry about you." He paused and continued with his voice sounding hoarse. "Just now when I saw you with the vial I thought, I thought perhaps you were taking something that could do you harm. I overreacted. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you more."

Draco looked up at him then, his eyes shining unearthly silver in the candlelight.

Snape whispered, barely coherent, his voice choked, "Don't you realize the thought of what was possibly done to you, I, I made a promise to you last year, to protect you. I'm so sorry I failed, I didn't find you in time."

Draco shuddered. He made a couple of inarticulate noises but couldn't seem to form words.

"It's okay, there is no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed. None of this was your fault."

Draco finally found his voice. "Can I go now?" he asked plaintively.

"I wish you wouldn't, I wish you would talk to me, I wish you would trust me again,"

His words were enough to start to set Draco off. He had tried so hard not to lose it since it had happened, but now harsh sobs were aching in his throat. He looked away trying to gain control again.

"Draco, please tell me what happened," Snape tried again. Then added, "In everything but blood you are my son. I have loved you since you were little. Do you realize how much it hurts to see you cringe away from me? Tell me how I can gain your trust again, I'll do whatever it takes."

His last sentence spoken so earnestly broke the wall inside of Draco and tears filled his eyes. "I'm sorry," he choked out through a hiccupping breath as he started to unravel. His throat closed, he bit his lip hard to try to gain back some measure of control, but to his shame, he burst into tears.

When the blond started convulsing with the sobs he had repressed since being attacked, Snape reached out softly and enveloped him, offering him comfort. Draco didn't fight when Snape pulled him into a hug. He clung to his guardian's robes and buried his face against his shoulder. He wound his shaking arms tightly around Snape's neck. He cried softly, quiet sobs and sniffles muffled by Snape's black robe.

Snape's heart twisted. "Tell me how it happened. Let me help you," he whispered.

Draco's tear-stained face came up to look at him, and seeing tears in the dark eyes of his guardian made him bite his lip so hard it bled. After a few moments, he finally, in a broken, barely audible voice, started talking. "My father tied me to a tree, then he took my clothes off. I thought he would cane me or whip me and let the Dark Lord or the Death Eaters watch like he did that time when I was little." He took a gulping breath. "He kept saying he would break me and then he told me the Dark Lord likes young blond boys," he explained brokenly between sobs.

Snape felt his stomach turn and he inhaled sharply in attempt to control the rising nausea.

"Then he Stupefied me and the Dark Lord touched me, …he hurt me. His hands were so cold, his breath so bad and, and then… then it hurt so much…my father let him, He didn't protect me and, and the Dark Lord, touched me, I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything to stop him, he, he, it felt like he ripped me open…" The horror of the memory of the agony he had felt flared. Tears got past his tightly shut eyes. He pressed his face against Snape's chest.

The lump in Snape's throat was so huge it prevented him from offering any words of comfort all he could do was hold the crying younger wizard close.

Draco haltingly continued, "It hurt so bad, it still does. No matter how many pain potions I take, it never goes away or lessens." He rested exhaustedly against Snape's chest after sharing the nightmare.

Snape finally found his voice. "I'm so sorry I didn't stop this from happening." He kissed the top of the blond head. Draco inhaled weakly, unable to stop the tears from continuing their steady stream down his cheeks. As he trembled in the aftermath of his revelation, he clung to Snape's robes, drawing comfort from the safe human contact his guardian offered.

Eventually Draco used up what little strength he had left. He felt cold and empty and went limp in the strong parental arms he was enveloped in. He fell asleep, comforted by the strength and compassion of one who loved him.

Snape gently wiped away the tears on his ward's face while doing nothing to stop his own. He dropped his head down on Draco's and just let the tears flow into the blond hair.

Tonks' heart stopped when she entered the potions lab. On the floor, leaning back against the desk was Snape. Draco was sprawled across his chest with his face buried in his guardian's robes. Snape's hair hung down like a curtain, hiding his face and mingling with the blond strands of the boy's. She moved closer and suddenly Snape looked up, startled.

Her breath caught in her throat. She had never seen him look so tortured, so tormented, and so desolate.

She knelt down. "What happened."

Snape swallowed and his voice sounded hoarse when he said, "He told me what happened; it was like you thought."

She knelt down beside them and softly put her hand on her cousin's back.

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know. He's exhausted, traumatized, he fell asleep."

"Do you want me to help you get him into bed?"

"I don't want to let him go. I need for him to feel safe with me," Snape choked out.

Tonks nodded. "Why don't I at least transfigure a bed for you and then levitate you both onto it?"

Snape gave a quick nod, his dark eyes looking grateful.

When she had them both on the bed, she gently pulled a blanket up around Draco.

"I'm so glad he told you. It's a big step for him, he can start healing now."

Snape closed his eyes for a moment. "I hope so," he whispered.

Chapter 39: "I can't wake up." Draco and Harry sink deeper under a dark influence. Harry experiences fever induced hallucinations, Draco is chilled and frozen. Snape makes a decision that concerns both boys and gains Dumbledore's support. Draco receives an unwelcome visitor. Harry pushes away someone he needs.

A/N#2: Reviews are like chocolate…please feed author chocolate.