Chapter Thirty-Eight:
I was surprised later on in the week when Edward offered to assist in our night-time routine. I was uneasy at first when he blurted it out to us as we were making our way upstairs. I did enjoy this time of the day as I could fawn over Adele and let her know how special she was to me. I enjoyed finding the funniest of stories to read to her before she fell asleep. I always had a scented diffuser wafting lavender aromas in the air. I ordered special night lights for her so that beautiful stars would drift over the ceiling when she was ready to sleep. I couldn't fault Edward as he followed our routine excellently, though I have a feeling he was just following my actions. He made the best jokes though during the bedtime story, that I couldn't help but laugh along with Adele. I then remembered that my employer would leave soon and that this moment would be a fleeting one. 'I will invite Edward to take part in tucking in Adele from now on…' I thought to myself. 'She will need memories of her father if she is going to remember him fondly…'
"Janey? Can you sing me a lullaby?" Adele asked. I started singing my favourite, totally forgetting that I had an audience. Helen used to sing us to sleep often, though when she fell into a coughing fit, I had to take over this nightly responsibility. She taught me all the songs and lullabies I loved so much, especially Que Sera, Sera. I stopped singing after the first chorus as I had been joined by a male voice. Edward's singing was quite beautiful. There was no other word for it. Alex had told me that our employer had sung in a few movies as he had completed some musical training in his university days. My own voice sounded pathetic next to his, and I resolved that he should be the one singing Adele to sleep from now on. I couldn't now sing to the child once she had heard his voice, or let alone join along in his song. It was nice though to sing along with someone… I hadn't done that since Helen had passed on. The prospect of singing lullabies to my own children in harmony with a husband in married bliss pushed itself into my mind. I sat there entranced, listening to Edward sing a range of soothing songs to Adele as a new emotion washed over me. I don't believe it has a name, but it was a beautiful mixture of recollection, sensitivity and promise overcame me, powerful enough so that my eyes became misty.
"Jane?" Edward's deep, rich singing had stopped and his speaking again brought me back to the present. "I think Adele is asleep…" Edward continued when I looked towards the two Rochesters on the bed. Any mother, guardian or caretaker of little ones will tell you that a child sweetly dreaming away, especially after causing a ruckus and making messes all day, looks so very adorable and loveable. All past grievances are forgiven. Love is multiplied until your heart can't hold anymore. I checked over her blankets and pillows to check that she was comfortable, kissed her brow and watched Edward do the same. I then signaled to Edward to exit the room quietly.
Once we were outside, I tried my hardest to make a hasty exit. "Well good ni-"
"You have a lovely voice Jane," Edward interrupted. I was feeling so anxious at this moment. My meagre talents had been exposed as a crude imitation at best and I was struggling with whatever sensation had possessed me earlier. Edward was also standing quite close to me and I felt my chest begin to tighten again. My uneasiness came out as offensiveness, or even rudeness – something I'm afraid that happens more frequently that I would like it to. "This coming from the man who has performed at the Tony Awards?" I snapped back. I could see this brashness took Edward by surprise and he replied in a similar tone. "It's coarse as it isn't instructed properly-"
In my rudeness, I cut him off. "-Well you should sing Adele to sleep from now on then."
"Only if you will join in," he retorted. I couldn't have thought of a more unpredictable reaction to hearing someone singing poorly in my life, but Edward wasn't finished yet. "I like your voice. It's… quaint," he rationalised. Diary, while he did give an explanation, it was poorly done. I'll admit that I was a little offended and couldn't help myself when I threw his comment back in his face. "Well, this quaint teacher is going to her room…" I turned on heel to leave, but a certain someone had caught onto my sleeve in order to stop me. "Wait! Jane... Um... We could have a game of cards downstairs together-" he began before I cut him off.
"I'm getting tired-" I tried to give a subtle shrug so this imposing figure in front of me could get the message that I just wanted to get away. It didn't work.
"How about some TV then?" Edward asked." I think there are some new episodes of-"
"I don't think so-" I tried to signal my unease through shakes, but Edward had moved his hand to my arm. While he wasn't holding me firmly as such, I felt as if his presence was overpowering me. He was quite close to me now and
"Oh! I had saved some funny Youtube clips we could watch together."
"Goodnight Ed – Mr. Rochester."
"…Have sweet dreams angel," came the reply as I rounded the corner, shut the door behind me and melted into the comfort of my own dark sanctuary.
It took a while until my stomach and muscles were relaxed again. Well, relaxed enough so I could sleep. I remember feeling so powerless that my resolve could be overcome with a brief conversation and male pheromones. I told myself that I would try to keep a more professional distance between myself and my employer from now on, and that I should try to remember that Edward should be nothing more to me than the man who writes my pay check. Diary, I'll admit that I drifted off to sleep humming Que Sera, Sera.
I'll assume diary that you could foresee that the next day would be difficult. The morning had gone surprisingly well. Alex told me that Edward had stayed up late so he couldn't make our 'new super early' breakfast time. Alex saw my face and decided to tease me. "You missing someone Jane?" I didn't trust myself to answer. I told myself that this was a good thing and afterwards went to start off our school day with Adele. Except a certain little miss had other plans. After three or four days of this new 'reduced time around Edward' schedule, Adele was grumpier than usual. I tried in vain to engage her in a range of activities, but nothing worked. As a last resort, I grabbed my walking gear and herded her outside. Instantly we both became calmer. I had found being outdoors, especially with green grass underfoot and a blue sky overhead could make any child happy. I also felt a relief to see familiar natural locations that I had not seen for a while. I had missed my morning walks due to this new schedule, and I could feel the effects of the natural beauty around me ease away some of the tension I had been carrying all week. The both of us strolled around the grounds of the old house, wandering about wherever we could find and pick the prettiest flowers. A certain little girl made up most of the conversation (with herself) as we strolled around, but I couldn't help but listen to the voices in my mind during the quiet moments in the garden. These carried thoughts that had made falling to sleep difficult over the past week. 'Would Edward really miss us when he leaves? Would he miss me? Just who am I exactly to him? A nobody? A trusted employee? An acquaintance? A kind carer to his child? A friend? Something more?' Even though I had been mentally preparing myself all week, it dawned on me that Edward had made himself a vital part of our household, and that he was also becoming an important part of my life.
It also struck me that… well… I was desperate to spend some decent time with him again. 'But what happens when he up and leaves then Jane?' the thoughts in my mind began. 'What happens when he goes overseas? Meets up with his celebrity friends and forgets you? What would you do if he comes back after years away and doesn't even remember you?' Even after hours of thinking it over and agonising about it, I still hadn't come to any conclusion that both my head and heart were satisfied with.
It was now around noon and it was time for me and Adele to have lunch. My inner ponderings had made me feel so confused that I didn't want to run into Edward in the kitchen. I tried to think up a plan which involved getting food into Adele without going through the kitchen, when the little girl started calling out, "Uuuuuuunnncccccclllllllleeeeee!"
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