Chapter 39
Jackie's swimming competition was over by 3:00 pm. She was first place in crawl style, making her dad incredibly proud. She was a winner, just like him. All the family had been there to see her. Aaron, Charlene and Brett were cheering for her all the time, encouraged by Hurley. Margo didn't stop clapping and Claire took hundred pictures. The only one missing was Charlie, who was in London recording some tracks for his new album.
When Jackie got to the finishing line and came out of the pool, an absolutely thrilled Jack took her in his arms and lifted her, getting totally soaked. He kept repeating to her how proud she had made him, a huge smile on his face proving his excitement.
All the family went home. Jackie fell asleep on the way, exhausted by the physical effort she'd made. Jack carried her to her room and placed her on the bed. He gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek.
Then he went downstairs and excused himself as every Saturday afternoon. It was time to go see Brooke. He got to the condo feeling happy and nonchalant. He used the keys to get inside. Once in, he found the apartment strangely silent. He went to the living room and Brooke wasn't there, neither in the dining room. He sneaked to the kitchen and saw she wasn't there either. Maybe she was taking a shower, he thought.
He walked the corridor to the bedroom and found Brooke sitting on the bed, facing the window, embracing her legs against her chest, her gaze lost in the horizon. Even though she was right there, she seemed absent. He leaned on the door frame, disconcerted by her image. There was something wrong.
– Hey… –he said feebly, almost shy.
But Brooke didn't reply, which he found even more disturbing. He approached her, worried, and sat beside her. – Brooke… Are you okay? –he asked, not daring to touch her. When he looked at her, he noticed her eyes puffed up and red. She had been crying for sure. His concern grew more as he waited for her answer, which took forever to arrive.
– Jack… at what time is your flight leaving? –she asked in a low voice, not looking at him.
– What? –he asked back, disconcerted.
– To New York…For the wedding?
He looked down, uneasiness growing inside him. – Uh… I… I don't know, um… Before noon, I think. Honestly, I don't remember. –he said as he stood up to avoid her sight. Then he walked to the bathroom to wash his hands. When he came out, Brooke was in the same position, motionless, still facing the window. Now he could only see her back turned on him.
As he came close to her, he was stopped by her voice saying: – Of course you don't know, because you're not taking any flight, are you?
He went pale. – What?
– I just met Patrick… We had lunch together…
Oh boy…, he thought as he started feeling tense. Knowing what was certainly coming, he remained silent. Brooke went on. – He… he didn't even know we were going to the cabin on Halloween… and he… he told me his secretary didn't book your tickets… –She finally stood up and turned back to face him. – Since when have you been lying to me Jack? –she asked frontally, an accusing look in her eyes.
Jack felt his throat constrict. – Brooke… I…
Yet she went on, anger growing inside her. – And the wedding… you even told Ilana you'd be there! But you're just planning on standing me up again! Just like you did on my father's birthday! –she affirmed, raising her voice.
– Brooke this is not…
– Don't try to deny it Jack! Patrick told me about the surgery. You knew all the time you were not going to the party! And you let me believe it was unexpected and that you were so sorry, just as you did on Halloween! Now you were going to do it again! How can you do this to me?! –she questioned, frantic, her eyes watering.
Jack shook his head and breathed deeply. – This is not what it looks like. I can explain, believe me. I just forgot to tell you…
She cut him off. – You forgot to tell me?! You forgot to tell me?! As you forgot to tell me your wife died? As you forgot to tell me you have children or that you've been married twice? Or as you forgot to tell me you were in a massive aerial disaster? Well, guess what?! I'm through with your oblivions! –she snapped, yelling.
Jack froze. He had never seen her so enraged. – Brooke, please, I…
– What are we doing here Jack? What's this all about? –she questioned, walking around the bedroom as a caged lion.
He raised an eyebrow and threw a questioning look. – What you mean?
– What's going on between us, exactly?
– You want a definition of what we have? –he asked, disbelief in his voice.
– Hell yes! I do need a definition because, I don't know about you, but me, I'm just starting feeling like a very expensive whore!
Jack's jaw dropped. – Oh God, Brooke! How can you even say that?! –he retorted, indignant.
– Give me one reason for not to! You have me in your apartment every weekend, you pay for my flights, you come, you fuck me and you're gone. Jeez! Sounds like a hooker to me! –she said furious and sarcastic.
– What the hell are you talking about? You know it's not like that!
– Then what it is?! I've been coming here 16 weekends in a row Jack, and I don't even know where you live! And your kids… you never mention them! Sometimes I almost forget they exist! That's so wrong! I don't know your mother either!
– If this is all about meeting my mother and kids, just get in the car, I'll take you with them… –he said desperate.
– You just don't get it! I want you to want to take me with them! You're keeping me out! You share nothing with me! I'm sick of just being this permanent vacation you escape to whenever you feel like it!
That statement enraged Jack. – Permanent vacation?! How can you say that? Don't you know what you mean to me? Don't you feel it every time I touch you?! –he snapped, starting raising his voice.
– You're not even able to say it! You never say anything! I want to be a part of your life and you just don't let me in!
– Of course you're a part of my life!
– No I'm not! –she snapped fiercely. – Every time I ask you about your family, your past or who you really are, you just shut down! And now you lie to me! If you don't want to be in my life either, you can just say it!
– It's not like that Brooke, and you know it! –he stated, his eyes full of anger and despair.
But she didn't listen. – I barely see my friends and my family! I've even put off my plans of becoming a partner at work! I live to make time to see you! I don't know who I am anymore! –she said anguished.
– I never asked for any of that. –he snapped coldly.
– I know! I do it because I love you! –she confessed, her voice breaking and finally bursting into tears. –Jack's eyes opened wider. He never expected to hear it at that moment. Brooke went on. – There! I just said it! I know you don't care, I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true!
– Of course I care, Brooke, and I…
But she interrupted him again. – I know what's this all about Jack. You think I'm not worth it. That's why you don't want me to even speak the names of your children. That's why you never want to talk about your wife. You think I'm not as good as her! –she affirmed in tears.
The minute Jack heard that, he finally lost his temper. He hated the fact of Brooke feeling less than Kate. The truth, painful as it was to admit it, was that Kate had never been half the woman Brooke was. – Don't you ever compare yourself to Kate! –he yelled, his voice menacing, a burning gaze in his eyes.
But Brooke took it otherwise. – I'm not comparing myself to her! It's never been my intention to replace her or fill her shoes! All I want is to share my life with you and be a part of yours as well!
Jack wasn't reasoning anymore. His demons had already taken control over him. – What's exactly what you want Brooke, huh? You want to meet my mother and sister so you can play bridge with them every Thursday? You want to play mom to my kids? So one day you get to wake up and say "You know what? This sucks!" and then just walk away! –he shouted scathingly.
Brooke couldn't believe her ears. – I'd never do that! –she assured frantic.
– You all do it! –he affirmed. Then he approached her violently and cornered her against the wall. – So tell me, what do you really want from me?!
Tears kept falling from Brooke's eyes uncontrollably. When he looked at her he saw fear in her gaze. He let go off her and turned around, covering his face with his hands, breathing deeply.
Brooke used all the strength left in her body to speak. – I want to know what happened with your wife. I want you to tell me about that island. I want to know how you got those tattoos and what they mean. I want to know about your father. I want to know what's Jackie's favorite bedtime story and Brett's favorite cereal. I want to know all the things you never want to tell!
– And why you need to know all that?! –he asked enraged. – What difference does it make?
– Because I deserve it! –she cried out loud. – I want you to share your life with me! I want you to love me! To settle for just living in this parallel world of yours, I can't do it anymore Jack. I want it all, I want your soul! –she claimed.
He stiffened and turned back to face her. He stared at her with a cruel look. – Then we're done here. –he snapped, and immediately walked away, without giving her the chance to stop him.
The last thing Brooke heard was the thud of the slamming door of the apartment. She ran to the window and after a couple of minutes, she saw him getting quickly in his car without looking up. Then he drove away.
As she saw him leaving, an unbearable pain undertook her, making her kneel at the foot of the window and cry her heart out. She wasn't even able to say it in her mind. Jack had just broken up with her.