Going away now. Hope to see you all soon with my sporadic updates again! Don't loose interest, guys because we are already at the point where I think would soon be the climax! Meh, I don't know. My mind is muddled. *snickers* I think I needed sleep now.

Retrokill: Depression vs. Optimism? who would win... *snickers*

THIS IS AMAZING: Thank you so much for the declaration! Though I am going to warn you now that I'll be on my timely but sporadic updates... Once a month if I prefer it... or once per week if I had the time. Thank you for the wonderful review and hope to see you again on your next one!

TF is Hasbro's!

Chapter 37: Panic

Shein feels pathetic once she had regained her inner self survival instincts that cremated her heart. The little girl she was came out from the shadows to welcome her older persona back to the darkness of her life. And as that goes, she felt more pathetic each day as she remembers the time that had gone by with the Autoscums (she still hasn't gotten over the derogating alias that the Cons had embedded in her ever since) and humans totting around her like she was a precious China doll that could break even with gentle servos.

They acted like she was a sparkling… Being talked to every now and then even if she did not want the company… She was also coddled and asked multiple times of does she want something, does anything ache, does she need Ratchet… Questions fly through and through but even as she ignored it, the feeling of irritation boiled within.

She was not an invalid as the mech that she had come to know as Mirage always kept scooping her up and carrying her to wherever she was headed in the large space at the back of the facility. The history between him and her was still on the process of being retold but the medic 'Ratchet' ordered for it to be given in small doses so she won't faint or burnt out. It goes with the others too, as they try to subtly reintroduce their selves again.

It was as to say, amusing… How the Prime could be like Megatron when comes at certain times…. The reaction was definitely similar as she casually put it in the 'leader-attitudes' in her head while she categorized all other similarities of the other bots within the week. Ratchet, like Hook… love threatening their patients with their trusty sub-spaced tool. It was almost like the rank and their job description make what the mech is even if they had different factions.

After a week of being sparkling treated, she got up and went with her own devices as she grumbled every now and then about being not mental or in serious need of care to be kept in the med bay. The medic stated in fury that she will not leave that berth of hers to sleep in other places like the ventilation staff or the nooks and crannies of different kinds that the mechs couldn't get into. She had been many times found in janitor's closet (behind the large boxes of cleaning supplies or behind the long cleaning tools), in a locker (falling asleep as she basked in the darkness), on a beam at the ceiling (trying to avoid the mechs after they locked all of the first stated places), storage rooms (that included the weaponry room where she hid in a crate full of gun powder only to be found by Ironhide when she sneezed… She was ban from that room ever since), and other places that the other NEST residents wouldn't think of a human would likely to hide in because of the bots hovering over her.

William Lennox, a soldier that she had come to know as one of the 'close' ones she calls 'Mr. William', (How in the pit did he gain that was lost to her but he clearly retold the story that it was what she calls him after a lot of persuasion on his end) tried to persuade the metal dolts that she was fine but they just couldn't get it. She will not fragging break! Slag it to the pit and back. That was a fact as she sourly muttered curses at them. Funny though, because she can get away with it unlike the half processing aftheads that she had known to be Skids and Mudflap…

Her thoughts frazzled her as she kept on with the everyday treatment. Half way through the second week, she decided to get on with her growing routine of avoiding mechs that had led to isolation. It did not only gave her solace from the mechs but it also gave her a great deal of being incognito in the slagging human facility that has those authority slags looking at her like a hawk wanting its prey when she was near. If she weren't nice little 'Oen', she would have been on their hinds, trying to shove a plasma bullet into their afts for looking at her wrongly.

At her lone private spot in the med bay, she stayed quiet and unmoving but it kept her sane enough. The only thing that made her move on to make her days 'active' was the incessant coaxing from the medic that is as worse as Starscream's whining to the lord. It would only prolong the inevitable for her if she kept arguing with the medic as her nerves get thinner and the other's wires flared like a bomb.

Shein just decided to get on with whatever the other had in mind. But even though it was like that, she noted that she was still getting thinner and weaker. Whatever exercise she did or whatever food she ate, it seems that her frame was rejecting all of it as her body toned down in size.

In the start of the third week, she felt like she could just die in her sleep as waking up felt like a pain but the repeated poking on that Monday morning was giving her an impression that it was not really her time to play possum again. She swatted the hand as she rolled to face the wall with her blankets covering her body. The finger did not really go away but just stop for a few minutes to try and give her hope that she would be left alone on her peaceful morning.

"Go away or I'll bite you…" She snapped in a tired tone she had now come to understand as hers. The joyful tone that she once had was gone and the other couldn't help sigh at the large change. Mirage reassured them though, that this was something like he had experienced at the hospital before she disappeared.

That conversation got her attention… What hospital was the mech talking about? She does not know that she was carted off somewhere from the memories she could recover after the 'wipe-out' that they were talking about. She was into listening intently which Mirage tried to keep, not until Ratchet came and told them that the story would be left for the next joor or so. That made her frustrated in a way that she could have just pull out her Con adopted personality but she let it mellow down at the thought of the Lord being right about them. The name Autoscums fit this faction well as they were being slaggers or scums to her. She mellowed out the term and decided to just call them Buzz kills… That was what she had found out in her stay there.

"Come on, Oen… You should get up and stretch once the sun rises… Didn't Ratchet give you the order to do that or at least eat your meal that is now glowing pink on the side of your desk?" The amused tone of the ever irritating slagger that was least in her list of getting 'scrapped' made her twitch. Amused was the other while she had come to hate the early mornings that he would slip in here and try to wreck her calm tuned up morning. She just wanted to sleep in for once…

"Oh, don't you tell me that, Sammie…" She pushed her body up as she let the sheet fall to her midsection. Her droopy eyes stared straight into the other with glint of 'you're-irritating-so-slag-off'.

"I'm not the martyr here that tries to sneak out cubes of those whenever they visit." Shein rolled her eyes as Samuel stuck a tongue out at her and stayed in place beside her smaller berth on the big Cybertronian berth. She just pushed the brown-headed young man before he could even take a seat. And that action only had managed to make Sam coil in surprise and hurt from falling 15 ft height off the other side which was like a cliff side.

"Don't be such a sparkling, deary… I know you can still feel your legs…" She sarcastically called out to the other while he cussed at the pain.

For the duration of 2 weeks, Samuel had been there with her. At first, she didn't give a slag and would end up damaging some part of the young man but as it goes on, she noticed that he wasn't what he supposed to be. Sam was absolutely mortified when she tried to open the topic stoically at the medic who thought she was asking of her condition. That gave her fine amusement until the medic left and the other had glared at her greyly.

His reason was valid as he told her that he had not wanted to make it known to others because of the seemingly dying out war for power. It was now about revenge as Sam had put it but she denied that when she pointed that it was a matter of survival now.

Shein stated that Sam was partly Cybertronian now in human skin and organs while she got to know that she was transforming on the head, from squishy organs to metal. It gave Sam a fright when she suddenly punched the wall and cursed someone in the other species' native language that he could conclude was a Decepticon's designation. As to say that the day couldn't get better was an understatement when he tried to imitate her chirps. Shein was laughing out loud when she taught Sam dozens of curses to the Autodolts. The downside was that the young man was reluctant to use it because it might give the others a clue of what he is… It is not like a human can't learn how to chirp, warble, beep or anything… that is what a beat boxer do on a daily basis… So why can't they?

On that day, the girl had put the young man in her least to scrap list and she had been willing to tolerate him enough that they had conversations like this from a time to time basis where Sam has no work being a liaison of the faction. He loathed his job as she loathed it just by hearing the word. Never will she work for such slaggers as she promised herself when she was small.

Their conversation rage on with smite for one another's faction but always ended up with both factions being called microchip processor afts for still continuing the war like sparklings. Samuel had accepted the fact that she was the way she is currently and didn't mind at all as he retorted back at her snide replies and snarky comments without getting offended a lot. But they only do these kinds of conversations when they are the only ones present or on the move.

"I'll try doing that to you and let see if you like it" Sam said with a scowl of his own as he stiffly got onto the berth again before plopping down at her side. He then, took out something from the side which she had placed there a few minutes ago which was an energon goodie that she had managed to get from Ratchet the other night. He nibbled on it as she drank her own free pink liquid that she noticed was less 'tangy' now. It seems that the brews that the faction was making are deteriorating faster than real energon.

"Hey, Sammie… Is it possible for us to make some sort of energon processer that uses the sun's rays as its source of energy and material for making the concoction like the Sun Harvester?" She asked thoughtfully as she sipped the last of the drink, leaving just an empty hallow looking box of energy lines that kept the energon there.

To the extent of her knowledge about energon, she knowns that it is energy or more like electrons/protons that is liquid in form as it sustains the Cybertronian to function properly… or else, they would rust and offline because their systems would end up shutting down.

The thing is, energon has taste depending on the energy it would give. If it taste sweet like the energon goodie that Sam was lapping up like a kid after going to the dentist… it has more electrons/protons finely glued together. Think about Caramel as per say… it is gooey and sweet at the same time. The sugar that it takes to make just one cube could be about a fourth of a kilo of sugar... But that was just a figurative example.

After Sam had graciously told her about what had happened in Egypt which was the last time this faction were there to revive the Prime, she got more insight on how in the pit had her 'once' family came out of that battle in a fit of scraps ready to be dragged to the smelters. She sighed to herself after that story was done, telling herself that she wouldn't be able to do anything about that, being abandoned now and all… For now, she would focus on the next events rather than mulling about her life. She will not show weakness in public like this.

Skipping her train of thought as Sam mentioned the Sun Harvester that time, she got an idea of actually using solar panels to gather the sun's energy. Maybe that way, the sun wouldn't have to be blown to smithereens… then the energy could be compiled into one large cable that would attach itself to the large thing… But first, they need to really take off that cannon that shoots the sun. And just take the converter within its machine.

Shein soon denied her thoughts that she still cared about the Decepticons after an image of Shockwave listening on her babbles on all the possibilities that they could run into, supplying her thoughts of how it would be a nice project for them to do for the next cycles. A smile graced her lips before it fell as her heart throbbed weakly in her chest as she clutched her hands into tight fists as she slowly remembered the conversation she had with the mech.

Her memories were still patched up; some were blurred, some were white or black and the others were vivid. But staying with the Autoscums, she gets few setbacks with her memories. Remembering them with emotions strongly attached. She just wanted to forget but she knew she couldn't and could only accept what happened as recall telling Shockwave that she would accept the change he had made like it was her birthday gift… On her part, this was going to be a long lasting and permanent birthday gift.

"We'll have to call on Wheeljack about this since he is the Cybertronian scientist and all who might know their own technology better than us. For what I can recall, he had been keen on researching on how to make more energon without really making suns blow after gaining knowledge about the Sun Harvester, too…" Sam absent-mindedly said to Shein as the girl recognized the lost look that was plastered on the young man's face.

The face was stoic as his eyes were glossy and looking at a far distance that she wouldn't know how far. These were the times where Sam was dragged in deep into his slagged processor with Cybertronian glyphs of the Ancient Primes. He admitted that he still couldn't read them even if she tried to teach some Cybertronian speech to him. The only solution that the two could come up with was for him to write them down in a paper for her to read later… and talking about that paper… It was piling up in her secret stash somewhere.

"You know, Sammie… You, keeping this from them would soon blow a gasket or two. I won't even count Ratchet's own torture for you." She hummed with a smirk as she was convinced that Ratchet made a good Decepticon if he decided to transfer.

Ratchet might have a bed side manner and a great wrist-flick which had already stasis locked mechs of various times but she was still convinced that he would be one of the cruelest Decepticon she would ever get the luck to meet like Hook. Medics and their tempers make a great combination… She was happy that her observations about the relationship of their jobs are accurate… like something akin to a natural law. They were Cybertronians all the same and all of them are Primus's children even if factions separate them. If the war could only end… they could still live as Cybertronians… It was same with humans… Religion, Politics, Money… it divided and stereotyped what was once only 'Humans'.

"They will, I will not really deny that… But it is better to prolong the inevitable. Just don't do that again, please… I'll keep my mouth shut if you keep your own bargain…" The brown headed other said with a sigh. The bargain they had was that she does not tell of his condition and he would not tell what has been raging on in their conversations.

"I am holding up to mine… although, I am warning you… I think the bug is starting to notice us." Shein said as she shrugged at the shocked expression of the other. She doesn't really call the yellow and black stripped youngling a bug but at times like this, she could say that Barricade had truly rub off on her.

"Please refrain from calling Bee a bug…" Sam deadpanned a little later when he got his bearing in gear.

"Nope… I like calling him that… It gives be the Buzz…" Shein snickered as she mentioned about the way Bee would always rise up his door wings in high alert. She thinks that Barricade had traumatized the other after a little scuffle that Sam would soon tell her when her brain agrees on eating info and trying to patch her slag memories.

The liaison sighed as he gave up trying to persuade her not to use the awful nickname when his guardian came in with a chirp along with Ratchet who examined them from the distance. The medic gave a nod at Shein after seeing that her cube of energon was now ingested.

"Am I on free schedule, Ratchet?" Shein asked the medic before she went on exploring again. She just found telling the medic of her activities for the day better than being hunted down like a prey for a medical checkup.

"Yes, but you are scheduled to have another debriefing with us by noon. You are not to be late again…" Ratchet's optics turned to slits as she stayed staring at him stoically. Shein was amused that the mech like her more apparently because he never really bonks or threatens her but she tries breaking that by showing more of her real side of her to the other.

Her, being late at the lasts debriefings was her way of doing that but inconveniently, she had a unsuspecting reason of losing track of time. Sideswipe was the one to defend her that she was late because she was trying to get away from Mearing. The bots didn't question anymore but told her that that was a good move. They thought that she was obeying them on avoiding the authority figures which she had come to hate with all her soul.

They really shouldn't bother reminding her to do that because she already knew that the woman wanted her out along with the interest that the authorities were giving her… Pit, she would have left at Mearing's rant and request but the Autobots denied the thought as she pondered that she would soon be a fine specimen once she steps out.

Shein's anger for Mearing was already heightened when she had accidentally eavesdropped on the stiff woman who was talking on the phone with someone at that time. She heard her name a few times along with the lines of I don't care what you do to her, I just want her out of my department… As to say, the black haired girl has trust issues now even with the soldiers of NEST tried to warm up to her.

"Yes, sir…" She mentally mused over the fact that she could make the medic flinch with just using a formal tone and sentence. Apparently, Oen was a little too friendly with them…

"Well, I also better get going before the meetings get stalled again." Sam got up from his seat and went over to his guardian's servo. "Bye, Ratchet…" The young man nodded at Ratchet who did the same to him before he waved at Shein with Bee chirping his own farewell.

Ratchet took her down as he shooed her off again to get that daily exercise she needs. It was better let her roam than sitting on the berth all afternoon as the medic decreed.

Shein's thoughts wandered again as she looked from left to right, recalling the ever so faulty points that a symbiot could enter without being detected so easily. She had to really double take the first time she had wandered the facility and mentally marked the easy blank spots that a little Decepticon could enter.

And… it wasn't her fault why she hopes to see some of them pop up from those places whenever she passed by.

She never really got a closure when she was abandoned… All she could really remember was that she had done something wrong and was staring into the Lord's optics as he spat out words that were sometimes incomprehensible to her or just static to her recalls. Then, the Lord told that she was to be placed back on Earth even if she had begged that she would do better next time. The memories end with a blank after Barricade turns and leaves her behind.

That memory hurts her as whenever she gets it, she would feel her tears trying to fall from her eyes. They were always unshed because she didn't want to let go of. Closure… She needed to hear them tell her that they all didn't need her… not just from the Lord's mouth platings but from all of the Decepticons. She wanted to hear their words even if they stung. It was better to end like that.

Her mind revolved around the topic so many times now that she never really did pay attention to where she was headed. She wasn't surprised when she suddenly found herself loss not only mentally but physically as well. Sighing to herself, she nodded decided to get back… only to stop and bite her bottom lip, praying to Primus that this wasn't a dream.

I think I made more Cybertronian curses here than any other chapters I have on this site. *snickers* All the grammars are the came from the effects of me trying to finish this and the other update before I go.

Review and I'll see you soon!
~dreamer