This is my first Kurtbastian angst/break up one shot. Can blame 'Stay High' by Tove Lo for this one. It gives me so many Kurtbastian feels.

This is AU, it's mainly in Sebastian's P.O.V but Kurt has parts too.

KxS

"Staying in my play, pretend. Where the fun aint got no end"

It had ended with a fight, their biggest blow out to date.

Sebastian had forgotten their six month anniversary and Kurt was pissed.

"Six months isn't a fucking anniversary Kurt, what is the big deal" Sebastian had screamed.

"It's not about the anniversary it's about how little you care, it's also that you have been distant for while. Preferring to study or go out with your friends lately then spend time with me and I can't handle it. I miss you and you don't seem to give a fuck" Kurt had screamed back.

"I do but I need some fucking space" Sebastian yelled back.

Kurt had narrowed his eyes before saying his last line that shattered Sebastian's heart into pieces. "Fine, take all the time you need. We're over" Kurt spat before turning and leaving the apartment.

Sebastian blinked, feeling his body go cold. "Kurt" he gasped out.

"Staying in my play pretend. Where the fun aint got no end"

It had been one week, one long week where Kurt had refused to answer Sebastian's texts, one week where Sebastian was refused entrance to the loft. Where Rachel and Santana had told him to fuck off via texts and more.

He knew that they hadn't really get along all that well in the past but since he had began dating Kurt, they had formed a sort of friendship. Guess the break up meant that was all over.

It hurt, but nothing hurt more than the ignored texts and the phone that went straight to voice mail.

Sebastian missed Kurt, he missed him so much that he had taken to drinking himself to sleep. He couldn't go a day without a drink, the first few days he had spent trying to get Kurt to talk to him. But by day Four, he had taken to whiskey and crying himself to sleep.

The few days turned into a blur, soon it into week two and Sebastian couldn't take the empty bed with a pillow that refused to lose Kurt's scent. His phone still bore Kurt's face as his background and every time he turned it on, his heart would clench hard in his chest. He refused to change the background no matter how much it hurt to see it.

"Can't go home alone again"

Sebastian lost it, by the second week and the blurry days he had taken to dragging himself to clubs and picking up any guy that even slightly looked like his ex.

He would drink himself stupid and let himself pretend the man he bent over the sink was his gorgeous ex. His Kurt.

It was easy to pretend, it was easy to numb himself into thinking it was Kurt but deep inside he knew it wasn't.

Because no body compared to Kurt, no one had his laugh, his smile that crinkled his eyes and made them brighter. No one had a body like Kurt, with legs that went on for miles and ass that was tight and perfect. That hugged Sebastian's cock like a vice.

But with alcohol. Sebastian could pretend the random in the bathroom was Kurt.

"Need someone to numb the pain"

Sebastian woke up with a sore head. He turned and felt bile rise in his throat as he looked at the nameless man sleeping next to him. It had neared the end of week two and after fucking in clubs, it was at home Sebastian had gotten to the point of hating the pillow next to his own. He decided to bring home the strangers that had taken to being Kurt Hummel look a like's in his drunk haze and fuck them in his bed.

The next morning he would kick them out and start his cycle of drinking again. He was glad that his course had a huge seminar room that meant he could hide in the back drunk and no one would know as he would just be another student.

Sebastian swallowed back the bile as he stared at the stranger next to him that he had stupidly pretended was Kurt hours ago..The only resemblance to Kurt was the hair.

Sebastian grabbed the bottle of whiskey by his bed and chugged some down before kicking out the mystery stranger.

The alcohol kicked in as Sebastian slammed the door, ignoring the random guy calling him an asshole. It hurt but it was the truth.

Sebastian walked slowly to the bed room and sat down. He couldn't do this anymore. He just couldn't but Kurt wouldn't talk to him. So what choice did he have.

"You're gone and I've got to stay high all the time"

Kurt stirred his coffee as he stared at the bench where his phone sat. Rachel and Santana exchanged looks before Rachel put her hand on Kurt's.

"He hasn't texted me in a few days, should I be worried" Kurt said softly as he looked up at his friends

"Kurt you didn't want him contacting you, so isn't this a good thing" Rachel stressed, patting his hand gently.

Kurt shock his head as he glanced back at his phone, which remained blank.

"I thought I did..I fuck, I miss him so much. Maybe I was rash. I should call him." Kurt said shakily before going to grab his phone but Santana snatched It and put it in her cleavage.

Kurt glared at her. She gave him a pointed look back.

"It's for your own good. Sebastian was a pathetic idiot. He didn't treat you right and fucked you around for the last month while barely giving you any attention" Santana sneered. "I'm surprised you didn't dump him sooner"

"I love him" Kurt whispered.

"Well I saw him making out with some random in the club the other night when I was out with Dani and Elliott and you were here crying into your ice cream while watching rom coms" Santana snapped.

Kurt's mouth quivered and he shock his head. Refusing to believe it.

"No you're lying" he stammered.

Rachel gave Santana a look but she ignored her.

"I'm not, ask Dani and Ell, they didn't want to tell you cause it would hurt you more but you need to hear this. You're wanting to give the asshole another chance, he does not deserve it. He clearly gave zero shits about you or he wouldn't be out fucking half the city like he used too" Santana said.

Kurt didn't say anything as tears welled in his eyes. He let out a sob before shoving his chair back and snatching his phone. He hurried to his room and yanked his curtains shut after him. The loft was silent for a few seconds before Kurt's distant crying started up. Rachel turned to Santana with a scowl on her face.

"Was that necessary" she snapped.

Santana shrugged. "I just didn't want him wasting time crying over that jackass anymore" she said.

"Good idea that, he's cleary having a party in there" Rachel said sarcastically before she just glared at Santana as Kurt's crying continued in the background.

Santana felt a little guilty but she was trying to help.

"High ..all the time to climb High.. all the time"

Kurt walked along the hallway leading to Sebastian's apartment the following day. He needed to see him. Santana could have miss seen something.

Sebastian wouldn't do this so soon. Kurt felt his heart clench a little as he neared the door.

He swallowed before slowly knocking.

The door opened and revealed a complete stranger, shirtless. It was like a punch to the gut.

Kurt could feel tears welling in his eyes as he stepped back. The stranger raised their eye brows.

"Can I help you?" they demanded.

Kurt shock his head. "No, you can't" he managed before turning and hurrying away.

He made it to half way down the stairwell before breaking down and crying against the wall.

"To keep you off my mind"

Sebastian grabbed his phone and looked at the caller ID.

It was Santana, he groaned, rubbing his head before answering.

"What Satan" he snapped.

Santana simply cackled in response. "Hello to you too" she said.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "What do you want?" he asked.

"Just wanted to make sure you realize that you've lost Kurt for good" she sneered.

"What are you talking about" Sebastian snapped, feeling his heart begin to beat fast in his chest.

"Well after I told Kurt I saw you kissing some dude in a bar the other night" she began.

"Wait what, you told him that" Sebastian interrupted.

Santana chuckled in response. "Calm down sheesh. Anyway Kurt came to see you today and some random guy answered the door." She continued. Sebastian could feel his heart beating louder in his ears and a cold feeling of dread swept over him.

"He came here" Sebastian managed.

"Yep, he was really upset when he came home. Told us what had happened then went into his room. He came out later and said he was moving on and had blocked you on Facebook. He's in his room right now, watching a funny movie. Kurt Hummel has bounced back..anyway just calling to wish you luck and to never come near us again." Santana answered.

Sebastian swallowed before chucking his phone across the room.

Santana stared at the phone on the other end after hearing the dial tone before shrugging and going to sit by Kurt who was staring at the blank TV with an empty expression.

Santana sat down next to him. "It will be ok Kurt, Auntie Snix has got you. You'll be ok" She said, before putting an arm around Kurt's shoulders. He barely registered it.

Meanwhile Sebastian stared at his broken phone, through teary eyes.

"Can't go home alone again, need someone to numb the pain"

Rachel heard the knocking on their door later that night, it was sloppy and uncoordinated.

She walked slowly over the door, looking behind her where Santana sat at the table drinking a coffee and scanning her iPad.

Rachel slowly opened the loft door before instantly straightening up and narrowing her eyes as she came face to face with a drunk and swaying Sebastian.

"I need to see Kurt" he said, trying to step past her.

"No you're not coming in here" Rachel snapped, trying to block his path.

"Get out of here" Santana snapped, coming up behind Rachel, she looked behind her and noticed Kurt coming over.

"Kurt go back to bed" Santana hissed, Kurt didn't listen.

"Move girls" he said softly.

"Kurt" Sebastian said hastily, he noticed Kurt stepping between Rachel and Santana who were glaring protectively.

"Kurt" Sebastian yelled. "I want to talk to you"

Rachel put an arm on Kurt's shoulder but he shock her off gently before grabbing Sebastian's upper arm and leading him inside and over to the couch.

"I'll get you some water" Kurt said softly, Sebastian stared at him with big eyes that were growing wet.

Rachel and Santana watched on in silence.

Kurt turned to leave and get the water but Sebastian grabbed his arm. Kurt turned and looked at him.

"Bas, what" Kurt said, feeling his emotions becoming stronger.

"I love you Kurt, I'm so fucking sorry" Sebastian gasped out.

Kurt stepped back, shaking the arm off his own. "That's the first time you've said that to me..I..I'm going to get your water" he managed to say, ignoring his throat which had began to tighten.

Kurt grabbed the water and walked back over to see Sebastian had fallen asleep.

Kurt sighed, rubbing his eyes before grabbing a throw blanket and draping it over Sebastian's body. He then slipped under Sebastian's legs, rearranging them till the legs were draped over his lap.

"Kurt" Rachel began.

"I'm fine" Kurt said quickly, as he stared at his ex.

"Let's just leave them alone, we can talk to Kurt in the morning" Santana said before leading Rachel away.

Kurt leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes.

Kurt was startled awake later that night by the feeling of someone leaning on him. He looked down to see Sebastian sitting up with his head on his shoulder and his hand resting on his chest.

"Bas, go back to sleep" Kurt said softly.

"I miss you so much" Sebastian murmured, clutching Kurt's shirt in his hand.

Kurt swallowed thickly. "I miss you too but you hurt me" he answered.

"I didn't care about any of those guys Kurt, none of them" Sebastian stammered, his hand shaking in Kurt's shirt and tightening.

"You've hooked up with so many people and we only just broke up. Did you even care for me at all" Kurt whispered, forcing his tears back.

Sebastian pulled back and reached up to cup Kurt's cheek. "Of course I did.. do still care for you. I couldn't handle not being with you so I started pretending they were you. I drunk to numb myself and it was so much easier pretending then facing the reality of us being over" Sebastian said.

"I was going to take you back" Kurt replied, hating how he was nuzzling into the palm resting on his cheek.

"Do you not want to anymore" Sebastian whispered.

Kurt blinked as he stared at his ex who looked so much younger than Kurt had ever seen him.

Kurt breathed in slowly."I want to but I just don't know if I can go back to before when you were ignoring me. I can't do it. I love you so much and I don't think you realize how much" he said shakily.

Sebastian brushed over Kurt's cheek with his thumb "I love you too Kurt, it was hard to handle and I threw myself into study and stupid nights on the town with the guys. I hated how whipped you made me. How all I could think about was your smile, your eyes and your laugh your fucking amazing ass and body" he said before leaning over and pressed a quick kiss to Kurt's lips.

Kurt brushed his own over Sebastian's before Sebastian pulled away.

"I still love you" Kurt whispered.

Sebastian grabbed Kurt's shirt again as he pressed another kiss to his lips once more.

"I love you, I miss you please Kurt" Sebastian begged after they parted.

Kurt felt tears building and he didn't try to stop them.

"We can talk in the morning ok, you need sleep" he managed.

Sebastian went to protest but Kurt pulled him closer and he felt himself growing tired once more.

"Promise we will talk, promise me we can fix this" Sebastian said slowly as he changed position and lay with his head in Kurt's lap.

Kurt stroked Sebastian's hair slowly as his ex drifted off.

"I want to try" Kurt said to the darkness.

"You're gone and I've got to stay high all the time"

KxS

I'm so sorry, even I upset myself with writing this.

I hate hurting them..:(

Well let me know what you thought of this, also check out the song for major Kurtbastian feels too.

Be warned, it is sad...

I may write another part to this if enough people want me too. Kurt and Sebastian make up sequel?

Anyway till next time,

Keep reading and commenting,

you're all awesome

x

Rach