AN: I think I'm a horrible person and I'm deeply ashamed of myself... Firstly this is late. Very late. I'm never ever this late. Not with updates… Unless of course: SEVERE WRITERS BLOCK! Okay, well not severe. I had writers block for this part of the story. I actually wrote an EPIC ending and another arc that was always intended and happens later for this and really detailed it... I mean, there are things I have to add and stuff in regards to other characters bar Morgana/Gwen/Arthur/Merlin, but I have their endings set and done. But I apologise. I sort of screwed things up last chapter… You know when you're writing and you write something that you weren't intending to happen… Lancelot showing up then and there was that unintended thing… He was supposed to show up in this little saga, just not there and it sorta screwed things up mentally… SO! After being drunk for 7 days (I kid you not. Thursday night - Wednesday night, my friends/family took me out for my birthday even though my birthday was just on the Monday… on which I had too many mimosa cocktail things at breakfast… This is the plus side of being from a divorced household and having three friendship circles who don't interact with each other because they have more drama than the Housewives of Beverly Hills and New Jersey combined…) and spending the rest of the week ripping my hair our trying to figure out how to fix this plotline, I did what I always do when I have writers block. Find ridiculously bad fanfiction… Which leads to the SECOND reason why I'm a horrible person… Laughing at horribly written/poor plotline/emo-band-based/angsty-everyone-had-a-problem-Mary-sue-childhood fanfiction just unblocks my negative chi… I had to ask around but I finally found a Merlin one that hit my favourite spots and, even I had to endure a lot of slash/poor vocab, a Mary-Sue, Arthur's non-existent brother Callum (who toats looks like Ben Barnes as Prince Caspian… like… yah) and an NC-17 rating though I'm pretty sure the girly who wrote it was 14 (I'm pretty sure the majority of us in fanfiction have been there)… IT WORKED! Not as good as 'My Immortal', Harry Potter (which I have the recorded reading of on my iPhone and constantly listen to, just to hear the guys say 'eks-eks-eks-eks-eks…') or 'Legolas' by Laura (which there is a funny spoof on Merlin fanfiction about Gwaine and an apple) but it did the trick. P.S. I actually listen to a lot of emo/rock bands… MCR, 3DG, 3DD, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus… But I also listen to Stevie Wonder and the Temptations… Musically diverse people are often happier and write less tragic FF… :)
Reviews: elendoy, thank you for reviewing at all! I'm so glad my story makes you feel that way. I hope my English doesn't confuse you too much. Keep reviewing too! Guest, (update plzzzz, miss!) UPDATED! :) Guest, (HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR LAST WEEK! Update. :)) Thank you very much and UPDATED! Guest, (Are you going to update? Please don't just leave this story... Please!) I can honestly say that I have never just left a story. I always finish it. But here is the update. :) PLEASEEE, hahaha... You're the review that I thought, 'I better fix this writers block' for and started fleshing things out... UPDATED!) Palmtree219, updated. Hope this gives you some reprieve. I've been studying my ass off too right now, in the middle of my trimester... Writing makes it better though. :) Guest, (Update soon? :)) UPDATED! Bundibird, Yes! Lancelot. I did always intend him to come in during this arc, I just had a totally different way how until I wrote that and, now that I've thought of it, it worked out better. And Balinor will be catching sight of someone alright... ;) Will will go a-questing, don't you worry. I'm glad you like Will and Merlin dynamic... And about your thought... It's the same thought I'm trying to figure out! I've been toying with the idea for some time but... I don't know yet if that canon will be ignored or not. I'm trying to see whether it will greatly affect what I've already written (in regards to the ending of this is written) or not. Hahaha... I like that I'm a fanfiction 9 year old... I feel as though it gives me an excuse to be 9. And thanks for your P.S. It's encouraging. :) bubzchoc, THANK YOU! Distressed Clover, thanks for the b'day message. It was actually the first birthday message I received on the day. (mainly because I had been up checking my emails at midnight, but still)... Will, will awesomely help out Merlin and Lancelot... hehehe camoc, there is a bit more Lancelot in here... You're possibly the first person ever to tell me Australia rules and the story is The King's Legacy by llLethell. READ IT! High Serpent King, it's really circling now... READ ON! xxx Ayu-chan xxx,thank you for the review and the story... It was The King's Legacy. Thanks for your help! Oh and yes, more Balinor ahead. morganaxmerlin, a little more Mergana in this chapter but more coming up sooner... mrlnfan, thank you for the birthday message! And yes, it's a bit angsty, but I'm trying to lighten it up a bit here... And purely because I write for so many fandoms and on two of them I got some pretty gnarly stalkers and another one I don't use anymore because I'm ashamed of what my eleven year old self wrote (Mary-Sue's man, Mary-Sue's...) Then I have fictionpress accounts and that's where I started off... So anyway, I sort of don't share account names, purely because of that. Also, because I mention my real name on them a few times and I'm sort of... working somewhere where if they found out I was writing FF I'd get into trouble... Don't ask why/how... :) (It's sounds so much cooler/secretive than it actually is. It's honestly because I work in copyright and they disuade us from doing this and look down upon it and I need my job, man) ANYWAY Kay will be more in the next chapter... Swear. Sorry for making the Monday chapter so delayed... Don't blame me. Blame my brother. This was my first birthday combining alcohol, divorced parents and fanfiction. IndiaMoore, Yes it was King's Legacy... Thank you! (both for the link and the happy birthday) Guest (Great chapter! Also, are you thinking of The King's Legacy by llLethell? That is one of my favorite series. I would recommend reading it even if that is not the one you are looking for!) Yes, it was the King's Legacy! It is one of my favourite as well. Thank you very much! :) WrittenInStone, thank you very much. I know, I know, I like Balinor. He's cool. He will heal and BAMF!Merlin will come back. Trust me. :) Pichicha123, Yes it was. Thanks! SunnySmile1324, Great story! There will be more Mergana. Thanks! TN Sarah, Lancelot... I like him. Santiago Carbrera is going to be in the new Musketeers TV Series done by BBC... XD Merlin and Balinor... :* Felicity P, Thank you for squee-ing... :) More Lancelot ahoy...
Disclaimer: (SPOILERS) If I owned Merlin, I would have had the very last scene as Arthur coming back out of the lake in a full hair flick moment... Also, I would have made Colin and Bradley reshoot the scene on the shore of the lake when Merlin puts him down because... BRADLEY MOVES HIS LEG! He's supposed to be dead and he moves his leg! IT'S NOT JUST GRAVITY as my cousin likes to tell me. His leg moves up hill! Gravity doesn't work in upwards motions! GO AND WATCH IT! Every time I do, I start yelling at the TV saying, "HE'S NOT DEAD! HE MOVED! YOU IDIOT HE MOVED! DON'T SET THE BOAT ON FIRE!"
The Past in the Present
Lancelot was set up in his own guest chambers for the night after Arthur politely refused his offer to sleep in the local tavern. They'll eat him alive, Arthur thought, the boy a scraggly teenager at best. He ordered a servant to take him to some chambers and even make him up a bath, the boys face marked with dirt and, though he would never say it, Arthur could smell the farm on him. Primarily, the pigsty.
No, Arthur would never say it. Will on the other hand, "You reek." he coughed, pulling the hand that was free of Merlin's up to his mouth and gagging.
"Will." Merlin hissed.
Lancelot stared at them, mildly confused then grinned sheepishly. "I'm sorry. I live in Darreth itself. I have not seen the inside of a hut in years."
Merlin frowned, mildly concerned. Of course he is, Arthur groaned mentally. "Where are your family?"
"My family were killed in raids a few years back." he said stiffly. Arthur saw the way Merlin's eyes turned wide with sadness and wanted to hit his own head. He had the look of a child who had found a stray dog and was asking his parents if they could keep them. He knew eventually Merlin would ask Arthur if Lancelot could stay.
Will, being Will and being very much outspoken just shrugged. "My family's dead. I ain't living out on a farm."
"Will." Merlin scolded him again but Lancelot just laughed.
"It's by choice." he said. "I live there to protect the people. I think it's an honourable way to live."
"Honour." Will snorted.
"Honour is quite important. It's the highest demand of the knights code." Arthur said, naturally falling into an argument with Will. It had been two years since he'd seen him and they were already snapping at each other. He had to hold back rolling his eyes. Maybe he'll grow on me like Merlin did. Though, Arthur highly doubted that.
"I can lend you some clothes to sleep in for the night." Merlin offered the scruff Lancelot.
Arthur wanted to hit his manservant for being so damn kind to every slightly injured creature he met and said, "That will not be necessary." Arthur turned to Leon. "Take Lancelot to his chambers and have someone get him clean clothes for the night and have his ones laundered for the morning. Then take Will back to Gaius. Merlin come with me."
Merlin's eyes went wide for a moment but then he quickly nodded. "Wait. But how's he going to get back to Gaius?" Will asked.
"I'll get back later." Merlin lied and Arthur didn't catch him out on it.
Leon followed orders and Will shot Merlin looks of concern over his shoulder. Meanwhile, just around the corner Arthur let Merlin unconsciously latch onto his arm as they navigated through the dark. "Now I know why I don't take you out at night." he teased. Merlin looked up at Arthur, a little surprised then down at his hand around Arthur's wrist.
"Sorry." He murmured and tried to dislodge his hand but Arthur glared at him. A little confused, he left it.
They reached his chambers in silence, only stopping once for Arthur to tell a guard to have someone prepare his horses in the morning and pack him a bag. Merlin frowned but said nothing until they reached Arthur's chambers. "I…I thought you wanted me to do that?"
Arthur raised one eyebrow curiously then brought their joint arms up in view of Merlin. "How was your first trip around the castle at night then?"
"Oh… yeah." he said sheepishly then dislodged his hand. Without another word he went and started smouldering the flames to keep them burning softly for Arthur. The Prince could see his young manservants shoulders shaking slightly as he worked and had an inkling as to why, his thoughts confirmed as Merlin spoke. "S-So… tomorrow. Darreth… the West of Camelot…" He stood up and faced Arthur, his face questioning.
"You don't have to come, Merlin. Actually I rather insist you stay."
Merlin blinked and looked rather stunned. "What? No. That's not…" he stumbled for the right words then finally stopped his stuttering. "I go where you go, sire."
Guilt churned in his gut as he realised just how true that was. "Not this time."
"But…" he started crossing the room but then paused when Arthur started heading to his desk to find a map. "But you need me."
Arthur scoffed, "Merlin, I'm more than capable of looking after myself." If the Prince hadn't been staring at his desk, trying to find the map of the Lands of Ambrosius so carefully, he wouldn't have missed the flash of hurt over Merlin's face and the way he opened his mouth to tell the Prince just how any times he'd saved him in the last two years.
But the servant merely shut his mouth and focused on the floor, watching it waver in and out of the shadows in his mind, briefly considering that maybe the thoughts in his head were real and he was standing in a make believe world now. Because his worst nightmares were coming true. Arthur leaving the castle without Merlin to protect him… Did that boy not understand he'd never survive?
But going with Arthur meant, not only leaving the safe haven of the castle but the citadel too. He would have to pass through the lower town, down and out across the bridge into the open expanses of the forest where no amount of firelight could penetrate the shadows of the night.
Even at the thought, Merlin could feel things and people creeping out of the shadows and felt cold sweaty hands over him, pulling at him, using sharp blades to tear at his skin. There was a hand on his chest, holding him down and stretching his skin to make sure the carvings were accurate…
"You can't go." Merlin blurted out and Arthur briefly looked up at him as the world rushed around Merlin and he was standing in the centre of Arthur's chambers, watching the Prince at his desk.
Arthur noticed that Merlin's eyes were clear and his brow was set in a determined fashion. For the sake of things he humoured Merlin. "Why can't I go, Merlin? And who are you to stop me?"
"You can't go because even I know you haven't stepped out of the courtyard and training field since coming back. Your shoulder is still far too injured and you're not back to full strength, no matter what you tell your father." Merlin gasped for breath and his hand started shaking unwillingly. Arthur glanced down at it as Merlin went on. "And… and if you want to know who I am to tell you… then… then I'm the one who… who took lashes for you." He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to forget the pain as Arthur tried to forget the sight. Neither of them had really honestly talked about what had happened, not to anyone and not even to each other.
"And I'd do it again. All of it." The younger confessed and realised how true it was. "But… but right now I can't leave and be there to protect you so you can't go without me." It didn't quite make sense but in Merlin's head it seemed fine and he wasn't going to question in. His bottom lip quavered a bit but he straightened up, feeling a lot more like himself than he had in weeks and added, "Sire." Then nodded his head and dismissed himself, stalking to the antechamber just off Arthur's main chamber.
Since returning to Camelot, Arthur noted that in the last hour or so Merlin had spoken more than he had in an entire month. Two really.
He wasn't quite sure what to say or what to do. He wasn't trained to deal with things such as this. Of course he knew people risked their lives for him – he was prince afterall. But this would most likely be the first time in history a royal stuck around to see the damage done in such a personal manner.
And on top of it, Merlin thought he was protecting Arthur? If he thinks sacrificing himself… And if he only… The idiot! Too confused to deal with the thoughts, he decided it was much easier to simply go to bed, turning his head and spotting the small figurine of a bear that sat there permanently.
"Idiot." he muttered again before turning over to sleep.
Merlin woke up, gasping with his hand on his chest to keep him from lunging out of bed. For a moment he was disorientated and the bricks above him looked like a prison. That was until he remembered that his prison had no light and that he was in Camelot, in the antechamber next door to Arthur's chambers.
It was the same thing he did every morning. Wake from a nightmare, think he was trapped, see the light and remember. He tilted his head back and slammed it against the pillow, dying to know when it was going to end.
In the magic proof room, he had believed that when he escaped it would all be over but this… Merlin left his eyes open, not willing to close them and find his nightmares become daydreams and have himself planted in the middle of that room again.
Looking out the window, he saw the bright orange light that came just before sunrise and soaked it up momentarily before pushing himself up to go wake up Arthur for the day and have someone bring up his breakfast.
His chambers were just off Arthur's and as he opened his door he could see the Prince's desk. Merlin went in further and startled. The bed was empty.
He frowned and looked around to the dining table but that was empty too and his armour and swords were gone. "Arthur?" he called out, but, as he expected, no one replied.
Something inside of him choked up. He couldn't quite describe it but the last time he yelled out Arthur's name without any response he was in the darkness. No… There was nothing around him but the darkness, though he could feel something painful scraping down his lash ridden back.
He gasped turned his head to desperately see something, anything but there was nothing. All he could feel was something akin to cats-claws digging into his skin. "Screamer aren't ya?" Malcolm. He felt an arm come around his waist, holding him still. His throat was hoarse from screaming. He panted, gasping and trying desperately to wipe the tears with his shirtsleeve but he wasn't wearing one.
"You're… not… real." he panted. "You're not… this isn't… I'm not here." Desperately, he was trying to remember where he actually was but all he could remember was screaming out Arthur's name. "Arthur!" he tried again. Where is he? Merlin dug into his memory to try and remember where he had been just before the darkness hit but the claws were scraping into his lower back now, ripping open old wounds and making new ones.
His scream was ear splitting and he tried to curl away but all he was met with was a stone table. He laid on his stomach, his legs dangling off the edge and the man just behind him, his knees digging into his. "Your little Prince ain't going to save you now. Fact, I'm pretty sure he ain't gonna care once I'm done marking you."
There were more nails digging through his scars. Merlin remembered this. He remembered those words. This was a memory. His screams were choked something was suddenly burning within him. He twisted and tried to cry out but many hands held him down. "The more you struggle, the worse it gets." Malcolm hissed and he was right. The more Merlin moved the more it burnt so he just laid still, staring out blankly into the darkness as the pain burst through the pits of his stomach and left him breathless.
"You're not real." Merlin shuddered as the pain slammed through him again and erupted through his spine. "You're not real."
"You keep thinking that." Malcolm growled. The pain exploded within him, making him see lights but Merlin grabbed onto those lights instead of tried blocking them out. He reached out and grasped it and dragged it forward until he opened his eyes and remembered. I'm in Arthur's chambers. Where I always am. He's not here. Where is he?
He looked around and found himself lying flat on the floor, face aching as he must have fallen on it. Blinking to adjust his eyes, Merlin looked around then pushed himself up onto his knees, gasping out. After a moment, he convinced himself it was safe to look up and did so spotting something he hadn't earlier.
After shoving himself up to his feet, he took a staggering step forward towards the dining table where there was a parchment.
I know you think you have to protect me. Stop thinking that you idiot. Be useful and protect my armour from scuffing. Some of my chainmail needs untangling too. I need to go do this because it is my duty. You need to stay in the castle because it is yours. I told Morgana to remind you to eat. Listen to her and Gwen. See you in a few nights. Arthur.
Merlin stared at the note then went to the window and saw the knights riding out already. "No." He blinked and turned away as the glint of armour in the sunlight and turned to the door angrily. It was a prison. His own personal prison of light almost as horrible as the dark prison where he was forced to suffer. Now he was self-imposing his confinement?
With an angry growl, Merlin stalked towards the door. No. No more. I am going to conquer this. I am going to follow Arthur! With those thought strengthening his resolve, he flung open the door and was about to march out when Morgana's face popped out of the hall holding a tray of food with Will and Gwen just behind her. "Good morning." she beamed at him.
"Argh!" Merlin jumped and fell backwards, legs up in the air on the floor.
The previous night, Lancelot was treated to a bath and sent new clothes, courtesy of the Prince and after the long warm bath – something he had never experienced before – and was given a fresh set of night clothes and his clothes were taken from him to be laundered by a servant. "Thank you." he nodded with a wide smile and the servant looked at him as though he had been dropped on his head as a child.
He went to sleep in a comfortable bed for the first time since he was seven, hand underneath his pillow curled around a blade as was familiar. When he drifted awake just after midnight, something he normally did without reason, he fell back asleep again with ease, not needing to and didn't shift until just before dawn when a knock at his door roused him.
With a groan, he turned over and snuggled closer into the feather pillow and down mattress and willed the sounds to go away. He fell back asleep in an instant but woke up again as he heard someone moving close to him.
He darted up, bringing his knife to the person's neck and only froze when he saw the most beautiful sight in front of him.
There was a girl, maybe just a little younger than he was with dark skin the colour of the dark soft sand that dipped into the lake beside the village he grew up in and her force glowed like the warm hearth of his family home. Her eyes were the colour of the warm woods he played in as a child and her long hair curled down her back and looked so soft he wanted to touch it. His brow eyes widened in surprise at the sight of her and he dropped the knife and she dropped the laundry she was carrying, gasping.
They both stared at each other, too startled to speak until Lancelot cleared his throat in a hurry and spluttered, "I'm sorry. I-I just… I was sleeping and I heard a noise and usually noises mean bandits and…"
"I'm sorry too." she said. "I-I was picking up laundry this morning and I was handed this and they said it was on my way to my Lady's chambers and then I was asked to stoke the flames and…"
"You don't have to be sorry." Lancelot butted in. "Really. I-I don't mind you being here." A red tinge flushed the girl's cheeks and he interrupted. "I mean… It's alright that you're here. You're doing your job. And doing it well. I mean, I think you're doing well. I wouldn't know. This is my first time in a city let alone a castle. Not that I think you wouldn't do a good job or that you do a poor job… I just… I'm a…" the poor boy was lost for words. "I guard a farm."
"I'm Lady Morgana's handmaid." she said, then swallowed, looking between them and shoved out her hand. "Gwen. Guinevere, I mean but most people call me Gwen. I mean, my friends call my Gwen and everyone else…" she realised she was stumbling over her words and cut herself off. "I am a servant here in Camelot."
Lancelot beamed up at her and then realised he was still lying in bed. He quickly rectified the situation and stood but only managed to knock her back. She started falling with a yelp but he darted out and caught her around her waist before she could hit the floor, holding her backwards at an angle. He smiled down at her as she continued to blush, a strand of his hair falling into both their faces as he replied, "I'm Lancelot… Lancelot du Lac."
She batted her eyes a little and whispered, "Nice to meet you."
They both swallowed, staring at each other until Lancelot reminded himself of manners and brought her up to her feet. Clearing her throat, Gwen wiped her hands on her skirt to straighten herself and then smiled at Lancelot. "Is there anything you need Sir Lancelot? Breakfast? A bath?"
"Sir Lancelot?" he laughed, still amazed. "Um… No… I'm no knight… Though I will be." he blurted out then frowned at himself.
Gwen's brow perked up. "You… you will be?"
"One day." he nodded hopefully. "It is my dream to, one day, be a Knight of Camelot."
"One day…" Gwen said airily and her eyes traced down Lancelot's face to his broad shoulders and chest then immediately snapped back to his eyes. "Well then I must call you Sir Lancelot. For only a such a title will do for a man such as yourself."
There was nothing in the world that could wipe the grin off his face and once more the two simply stared at each other in awe instead of speaking. "I… I should be off." Gwen finally said, breaking their eye contact and hurried picking up the dropped laundry and even the knife, laying it all down on the table near the bed. "Or else I will be late. However, if you wish for anything…" she trailed off, eyes wandering over him in slight awe once again. "I'm sorry, you never told if you wished for something to eat."
"I'll be fine." he assured her and his eyes wondered too over her orange dress but deftly back up to her eyes, not wishing to be rude or overstep her virtue. She hummed in response then bustled to go to the door and Lancelot felt his heart jump through his chest at the sight of her leaving. "Um… Lady Guinevere?" she stopped and turned to him, her hand over her chest in surprise. "Thank you for your kind words."
"You are welcome." she smiled. "But… I am no Lady."
"Yes you are." Lancelot bit his lip. "For only such a title will do for woman such as yourself."
Gwen burnt red but nodded keenly and curtsied before rushing out and bolting to Morgana's room to tell her what had just happened. Lancelot just fell back onto the bed and stared up at the canopy, his heart beating at an odd rate and murmuring, Guinevere, Guinevere, Guinevere, at every thump.
Preparing the horses for Arthur was Tyr, a young simpleton who Arthur had trusted inexplicitly with his horses since he was a child. Tyr was a little older than he was and had a deep love of his mother who took care of him and loved him where most would have discarded him as his father had done, taking his older and more mentally abled sons with him.
Despite entrusting all his animals to Tyr, Arthur had been one of the many who had laughed at Tyr, throwing things at him whilst he was in the stocks and calling him names but when Merlin had just arrived in Camelot and had gotten stuck in the stables, a wild horse blocking the door, Tyr had shown his skill in taming the beast calmly and escorting Merlin out. When Merlin had explained in awe at witnessing Tyr's skill with the beasts Arthur had a grudging respect for him. When Merlin admonished him when he caught Arthur teasing Tyr with some of the other knights, Arthur stopped his campaign against him altogether and decided he quite liked Tyr and even got into a friendly conversation with him now and then.
"Thank you Tyr." Arthur said as the overweight boy handed Arthur the reigns, petting Arthur's horse with a gentle smile on his face.
"Most welcome, your highness." Tyr said but didn't draw his eyes away from the horse, almost having a soul-deep connection with the beasts.
"Are we ready to go?" Arthur turned his head and saw Kay staring at him. He looked fairly appraising, looking Arthur up and down as though question whether or not he was ready. Leon was doing much the same except where Kay was trying to mask his concern with indifference to ease Arthur's guilt, Leon didn't care so much and had all the features of a worried mother.
"I'm fine." Arthur grunted though in truth he was simply just not thinking about what was about to happen. "Are all the men here?"
"Yes sire." Leon said and Arthur looked over his new battalion of men Leon, Kay, Garreth and Frenwyn were still with him – though Frenwyn had opted to stay behind and take command of a secondary force should the Prince not return by the scheduled time – and now he also had Sir Caradoc – who was a smarmy man the majority of the time – Sir Bedivere – who chose to move from Arnold's men to Arthur's – Sirs Ryan, Reece and Edwin. The boy from the farm, Lancelot, had been given his own horse to ride and, on closer inspection, Arthur saw it was the horse Merlin had grown accustomed to riding when they left Camelot, Lizzie.
"Merlin's not coming?" Kay guessed, also eyeing the horse.
Arthur looked up to where his window would be and shook his head. "He has chores… Let's move out."
He shouted the command and kicked his horse into action.
And then Arthur headed towards the direction of the bridge that led out of the main courtyard and into the upper town. He swallowed and reasoned, he had been just inside the upper town. He had visited Kay early on to thank him for helping with Merlin and they had shared a much needed drink silently over the dining table.
The horses flew down the cobblestones and touched the ends of the wooden bridge, cracking over stone once more in the upper town. He felt his head spin a little at the thought that he was outside of the safety of the courtyard. He could see the barracks just behind him, protecting the main castle with a battalion of guards stationed inside the walls. His heart thundered a little and he turned his head back in front of him to see the edge of the upper town and down towards the markets.
He remembered with a flush his first ever patrol and thought of the words he'd told himself. Just keep your head down, Arthur and never tell Morgana. He barked out a laugh and some of his knights shot him wary looks, all of them highly aware that the last gate out of Camelot was fast approaching and that their prince hadn't stepped a foot outside. You know what. I give out damn good advice. He stuck his head down and kicked his head into high gear.
Morgana would never know how petrified he was.
"So… you sleep here now." Will said then threw himself onto Arthur's unmade bed. "Comfy."
"That's Arthur's bed." Merlin said, having collected himself off the floor and was semi-glaring at his best friend. "Honestly, you're going to make it dirty and then I'll have to wash them…"
"Well, according to Camelot gossip, which a very pretty laundry maid informed me of by the way, you don't do laundry. Or get dinners. Or do any of your servant duties apart from, and I quote, 'mope about the Prince's chambers for hours on end'." Will said then received two slaps on his arms from Gwen and Morgana, the latter also yanking him from Arthur's bed and dumping him on the floor.
"Oi!" Will shouted then stood up, dusting himself off. "I'm just concerned." He ignored the girls and turned to the blushing Merlin. "I get all these letters on a weakly basis, learn how to bloody read and then they stop and when I get here, I found out you've been kidnapped, you're afraid the dark, jumping out of your skin at small noises and looking like skin and bones. I think I get a right to worry."
Merlin glared at him. "Well you shouldn't."
"Yes I should." Will said firmly. "Because if it was the other way around, you would. When my Dad died, you were the only one there for me so let me do the same for you and bloody tell me what happened."
"Nothing happened!" Merlin exasperated and he was fully aware Morgana and Gwen were watching the argument, darting their heads back and forth with curiosity. They too had been trying to get Merlin to talk about it, but he would reply with the same thing. "They couldn't hurt Arthur because he's a prince. They hurt me. That's it."
"Alright then." Will said, dusting his hands on the back of his trousers. He turned Morgana and Gwen and bowed. "Ladies. We're going to take breakfast to go. Me and Merlin are going to go explore the forests, just like we did when we were kids."
Merlin's eyes shot open in alarm. "We can't do that." he squawked, then cleared his throat, a little more than embarrassed by the noise he made.
"Why not? You got chores to do? Because last I checked, Arthur ain't here to boss you around." Will crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his foot.
Without a better argument Merlin weakly said, "He left me a letter."
"Too bad. I can't read it. Oh well. Let's go." He didn't move but glared at Merlin, waiting for him to do something. When he didn't shift, the girls were starting to panic, especially when Merlin got that far off look in his eyes.
"Merlin…" Gwen said gently. "You don't have to. He's being a bully."
With a large roll of his eyes, Will cut across. "What about that thing you wrote to me about." he said and Merlin's eyes snapped to him, wondering what exactly he was talking about. "The thing. The thing that only we know and what that means for you. For Arthur." The girls looked more curious now, heads snapping between the boys and Merlin knew what he was talking about.
What about your destiny?
The thought hadn't been the most prominent in his mind of late, he had to admit, but it had crossed his mind how he would help Arthur if he was too scared to leave his chambers. He had just been yelling to the prince about it the previous night and that morning it had frustrated him beyond belief that he couldn't simply follow Arthur out into the sun and open daylight.
"I… I'll figure it out." he weakly protested.
"Huh." Will sneered. "Never thought you a quitter, Merlin. Didn't think you a giver-upperer."
"Giver-upperer?" Merlin's mouth dropped open. "That's not even a word."
"It's a word." Will defended. "I just made it up then and declared it a word."
"Who are you to make up words?"
"Says the man who invented clotpole."
"I didn't…" Merlin growled in frustration. "Clotpole at least makes sense!"
"More sense than giver-upperer?!"
"Yes!"
"Ha! I may not have books but at least you can understand what the hell giver-upperer means. Clotpole sounds like an instrument you use to muck out stables. How is that an insult?"
"You call me a pisspot all the time!"
"Not the same."
"Yes it is!"
"No it's not!"
"Yes it is!"
"No it's not!"
"I'll show you…" The next thing either of the girls knew, Merlin had leapt onto Will, shoving him on the bed and the two were rolling around, trying to pin the other down. Morgana and Gwen were too stunned to do anything then both rushed to grab one of the boys to separate them, Gwen reaching for Will and Morgana Merlin.
"Boys, boys!" they started shouting and should anyone choose that moment to walk passed the Prince's chambers, they'd hear quite an alarming amount of screams and shouts despite the fact the prince was supposed to be away on patrol.
"No!" Will shouted just as Morgana yanked Merlin off of Will.
But the damage was done. While Merlin had been distracted by the familiarity of fighting Will, tossing him around and arguing over something as simple as their wordplay, he hadn't had a single thought or flashback.
However as soon as they were disconnected and he felt unfamiliar hands cusped over his arms, holding tightly so he was restrained, he was back in the dungeon, underneath a torchlight burning uncomfortably close, burning his eyes with white light and temporarily blinding him so he still couldn't clearly see.
He gasped and felt the heat making his chest sweat and his scars sizzle. His arms were propped up on wooden slacks, his legs the same but the fire beneath him was already turning his skin raw. He gasped and choked on the flames then felt a foot in the centre of his back, pushing him down closer and the like of a flame on his stomach causing him to scream.
"Merlin…" he heard in the background of his mind.
"Save me…" he begged the voice.
"Ain' no one coming for ya, boy." The man who couldn't say his T's shoved his foot in Merlin's back harder but at the same time, two unseen arms came around his shoulders and another hand slapped his face.
Hard.
He jumped up in surprise and found his gravity turning him onto his back and the shocked faces of both Gwen and Morgana glaring at Will who had a suspiciously red hand to match Merlin's throbbing cheek. "Ouch." Merlin gasped.
Will stared at him. "You back?"
Merlin looked up at him and nodded. "Yeah… thanks."
Morgana wasn't having it. "No one can touch you without you going into a mental fit and he wrestles you to the bed and slaps you and you say thank you?"
With a small hand wave, he glanced up to Will and a small smile came onto his lips, the slightly younger boy matching it. "It's Will." he shrugged. "I fell down a hole once and he jumped in after me so he wouldn't be alone. He does stupid stuff like that all the time."
"Watch it…" Will warned, but if the grin on his face was anything to go by, he didn't really care.
Merlin stared up at him and realised that despite his simple explanation, Morgana was right. If Will had been anyone else, Merlin would have been screaming and in a crying heap, but Will had always challenged Merlin. Whether it was with his magic, – forcing him to try bigger and greater things – his confidence, – throwing them into dangerous sitations with bullies and terrain to force him to step up – or with their schemes, – making him read so they could devise more elaborate plans and pranks – he always forced Merlin to be more than he was. And that gave him an idea. "You're right… There's something I need to do."
"What?" Gwen asked, a little stunned, Morgana mirroring her actions.
"Will?" Merlin held his hand out and Will hauled him up to his feet. "We need to go do something."
"Do what?" Morgana demanded.
"I'll be back." he promised quickly, already halfway to the door.
She followed right behind him and Will already ducked out. "But Arthur said…"
He quickly turned around and kissed her on the cheek. Both Morgana and Merlin were stunned into silence by his action, neither of them having expected it. They stared, completely forgetting that Gwen was just behind them, her eyes wide as plates and staring between Morgana and Merlin for an answer. Will stuck his head back inside and grabbed Merlin's arm, yanking him. "Come on!"
It shocked Merlin back into existence. "I'll back." he said again, this time looking straight at Morgana, eyes slightly mooning over her. The door closed between them as Merlin grabbed Will and led him down the halls, determined to get his destiny back on track.
"Uhuh." Morgana just said in his wake, still staring at the door and her hand coming up to cup her warmed cheek.
"Did Merlin just kiss you?"
"I honestly don't know."
Hunith had searched the entire castle, top to bottom from sunrise and couldn't find a trace of them. A trace of any of them. Not Arthur, not Will, not Leon, not Kay and, most importantly, not her Merlin. Her heart thudded at the thought of her boy and of the thought of the sight of him the previous night.
Panic flooded up in her heart and she made her way down a familiar route from her youth, to the throne room.
Of course, he it hadn't always simply been the throne room.
Hunith remembered a time in Camelot, before the purge and before Uther's tyrannical agenda, when the throne room also doubled as a place where the close family and friends of the King shared breakfasts and feasts before and after long meetings and extensive days of training. She remembered laughter and happiness and people always being welcomed with a friendly smile.
Pausing outside the large doors, Hunith could only feel the same resolute coldness that she'd felt the last time she stood outside of these doors, very pregnant with Merlin at the time and fatigued with the imprisoned journey from Ealdor to Camelot. Of course, upon her arrival she had been released from her chains and Uther had shown her kindness in honour of his late wife, but Hunith had been too far in her hatred for the man to care much for it.
The guards at the door stopped her and Hunith straightened her shoulders and stood just how Ygraine had taught her to many years ago. "I wish to speak with the King."
The guard narrowed his eyes and looked at her dowdy dress sense and hair done up in a modest scarf then raised his eyebrow. "And who are you to demand such a thing, wench?"
Hunith barely flinched. Being a single unmarried mother, she had heard a lot worse. "Unless you wish to receive your head handed to you on a plate, then I suggest you tell the King, Hunith Adhan is requesting his presence immediately and despite my station, he owes me something far greater than a moment of his time."
The guards looked briefly at each other, deliberating whether or not Hunith's word was enough to disturb their king. Finally the guard who had called her a wench went into the chambers and politely whispered into the kings ear. The King straightened and only half listened to the plight in front of him then nodded and murmured something back before waving his hand off.
Hunith, of course, had seen none of this but had been glaring at the young guard in front of her who was starting to look perturbed by her glare. When the other guard returned he said, "The King is at this time disposed to his people and cannot see to you at this very moment. However, he has requested your presence in his chambers and will see to you during lunch hour."
Her rage was somewhat quelled and she just nodded stiffly. "Good. I assume his chambers are still as they were twenty-years ago?" she let the statement hang and smirked to herself at the look of alarm that crossed both guards faces as she sauntered off.
There was an hour before lunch and she used most of it to search for her son but the end of it to change into something less… peasant like. Hunith sighed. She had no shame in her heritage. She never had. Her father had made her proud of hard work and knowledge and she'd tried to instil the same belief in Merlin, however his magic often made it a difficult lesson for him to learn, but he did understand what it meant to work hard.
Oh Merlin, she thought of him anxiously and desperately wanted to find where he'd gone off to. Before she went to see the King, she brushed her hair and washed her face, then further smoothed out all the creases in her dress to straighten herself up further and to calm herself in nervous habit.
At exactly lunch hour, she found herself outside Uther's chambers, about to knock when the King himself walked around the corner. She paused and stared at the man she hadn't seen in fifteen years, looking him up and down appraisingly.
Uther Pendragon had not changed since the last time she saw his hardened face, though he had changed a great deal from his grinning youth. The last time she'd seen him, he'd been less grey and perhaps, less round, but other than that he was still the same man that forced her fiancé into hiding and turned his back on all those who were loyal to him. She could still remember Goloris's heartbreak, Ygraine's death, Nimueh's broken features and her very own Balinor's face of betrayal like it was yesterday and a large part of her knew it was all his fault.
Uther seemed to be staring at her in return and if the twitch of his nose was anything to go by, was either less than pleased of who she'd become or was outright disgusted by her presence. "Hunith." Uther greeted her.
"Uther." she replied, with a small nod. He bristled at the lack of title but she merely raised an eyebrow. "Or am I not allowed to address you as such anymore?"
Before he could reply, two of Uther's personal knights rounded the corner and stopped, and one of them caught his breath. "Hunith." he said accusingly.
Hunith looked around the King and saw Sirs Arnold and Walden, two men who she also hadn't seen since her pregnancy to Merlin. Her lip twitched a little at the sight of Arnold, wanting nothing more than to slap him, but then softened at Walden who stared at her as though she was a ghost. "Sir Arnold. Walden." she greeted with small nods. "It has been many years."
Walden swallowed stiffly and looked at Uther then back at Hunith, his eyes looking as though he wished to yell at her to run or at the very least grab her and take her far away. They all stood awkwardly for a moment before a servant came passed, holding trays of food for more than one and Hunith darted her eyes back to the knights and realised Uther's intentions.
"Shall we eat then?" Uther asked, gesturing to his chambers.
With a small nod, Hunith led the way, head held high and shoulders thrown back arrogantly, trying with all her might to channel Ygraine and Emelie and all the other noble women she had grown up around. As it were, she paused at the dining table, noting that someone had already come along to close up the curtains that led to the King's bed and set up cutlery and chairs for five. After a moment, Uther decided to round the table and hold Hunith's chair open.
She raised her eyebrow, but nodded curtly as she sat and pointedly ignored – as everyone in the room did – Arnold's gnashing teeth from across the table. She sat then Uther did, and then his knights. It was half a moment later that a knock rang out on the door and the servant, leaving the plates of food behind, went and opened it.
Hunith had a vague idea who it could have been, but when the door opened and she saw Sir Frenwyn standing there, she didn't know whether to bark out a laugh or bury her face in her hands and cry. Frenwyn and his brother Lachlan had always been good friends of Hunith's and she had missed them dearly. "Sire, you called…" he trailed off, eyes settling on Hunith, sitting to the King's right. "for me." His words were muted and he stared at Hunith much as Arnold did.
"Come, Frenwyn. Sit and eat with us." Uther gestured for him to close the door.
He nodded dumbly and did as the King said, ghosting around the table and taking the only free seat, beside Hunith. He continued to stare at her, mouth slightly agape then asked, "What are you doing here?"
Her bottom lip tightened and she briefly looked at the king before replying, "I am here to see my son."
Frenwyn's eyes popped open then he nodded, understandingly. "Of course. I mean… of course." he shook his head then look around the table at the untouched meals, Walden, Arnold and Uther and realised this was all very reminiscent of the years immediately after Uther's coronation. "Of course." he murmured again, still confused.
"Eat." Uther said, picking up his cutlery and digging straight into the food.
Hunith nodded and followed the King's example along with Arnold, Walden and Frenwyn, all four of them unsure as to what Uther was playing at. Wine was being poured between the five of them and Hunith was careful to sip hers to not lose her thoughts, and tried not to meet Arnold's glare from across the table. "So." Uther chewed half way through their silent meal. "You wished to speak with me, Hunith."
She glanced up at Uther and knew the reason he'd asked for his knights presence was because he was too much of a coward to face her alone. No, Uther was a very brave man when it came to battles and never shied away from bloodshed, but talking to any woman with a brain beneath pretty hair had always been his downfall. She actually remembered Lachlan had made a song of it once.
"I'm here, to find out what happened to my son." she said evenly, then looked up at Uther, her eyes appraising him once more. This time, what she found, was a very uncomfortably looking man shifting food around his plate like a child and something in her flared with pride that she could still get such a reaction from him. "Correct me if I'm wrong, sire, but wasn't it you who told me I and my child would always find a home in Camelot?" Little did she know that Uther was looking at her and realising where her son got his rumoured impudence, not that he'd ever seen him speaking to Arthur out of turn but he'd heard enough from Cedric to know he did.
Arnold scoffed and his mouth slipped into a sneer, "Maybe if your son wasn't a Dragonlord…" Frenwyn and Walden stiffened but Hunith snapped so quickly, none of them cared.
"I do not have to defend myself to you, Arnold. We have been through this a million times. Just because I didn't marry you all those years ago, doesn't mean you can hold such a grudge."
Arnold scoffed and gained a manic look in his eyes that even the King backed away from. "You think this is because your father rejected my proposal?"
"And because Balinor and Ector beat you up for it." Hunith said, drawing back her shoulders and everyone at the table winced at the names. "But before you go on again about me choosing a Dragonlord over you, please don't forget I was being courted by Thaddeus at the time and you asked for my hand whilst I was taken. Now I'm sorry that I tainted your honour and I'm sorry that I slapped you in front of the entire court, but it happened many years ago and now I have a son, out of wedlock with yet another man so call me a wench, call me a whore, but do not insinuate my son is anything but that. My son."
The anger in her eyes was very real and whilst it did pain her to deny her son her father, she knew the men at the table and knew the King and knew where her son would end up should they believe anything but the lie. "No one is questioning your sons heritage." Uther said quietly. Hunith looked up at Uther and was a little stunned. "Nor your honour." A small teasing smile played on his lips, a relic of another life. "Arnold is simply heartbroken."
"Sire!" Arnold cried out sounding undignified and slightly childlike.
Frenwyn bent his head and snorted into his plate and Walden had his lips in a firm line to not smile. "Now, I do believe you were asking about your son, Merlin." Uther put his cutlery down and looked at Hunith. "He is a brave child."
"I know that." she said, a little perturbed that the man who did not hold his own son for years was informing her about her own. "But Gaius told me what happened. Merlin refused, but Gaius said he treated his… his wounds." Her bottom lip quivered as she remembered Gaius's lengthy description after she insisted she wanted to know everything. "I sent him to Camelot because I believed it to be safer for him. The men in our town wish to kill him for he is a bastard, so I sent him to Gaius where no one knew that. And now this happens to him?"
Uther sighed a little and rubbed his temples. "They took Arthur too."
"They did not torture Arthur." she gasped, and then covered her mouth, closing her eyes at what she said, especially as the King stiffened. "Not that I am saying they should have. I am glad Arthur got out relatively unscathed and more glad that he saved him but… but what are you thinking sending children out to do the work of men?"
"I have told Arthur to get a new manservant, countless amounts of times but he simply refuses and your boy refuses to stop running after him… and into things." Uther added afterwards, a little stunned at how one boy could be so clumsy. "I am sorry for what he went through, but it could not be helped."
"It could not be…" Hunith barely managed to contain her anger. "Uther, you have your seventeen year old son running around with a sword and an army behind him. I know why Odin sought revenge on Arthur, I do keep informed of the happenings in Camelot as I do have many friends and children of friends in the city. You knighted him and gave him his own battalion at sixteen. I know Arnold outranks him in the army, but Arthur outranks him in general and outranks everyone but you in fact, but at the end of the day I know that at seventeen, you were still practicing how to swing a sword!"
"Times are different. I had to be prepared for war. Arthur does not."
"He fights your wars every day." Hunith argued. "Giants sent by Nimueh? Sorcerers plotting to kill Arthur every few weeks? Did you or did you not attempt to marry a troll almost a year ago?" Uther looked alarmed but Hunith went on and said. "Up until he was captured, he sent me letters every week. I know a fair deal of what happens in Camelot."
"I am a King. A King of a powerful city. What would you have me do? Request everyone stop attacking?" he demanded.
Hunith rested her shoulders back and realised how preposterous she sounded, but she knew that should Ygraine have been there she would have been questioning Uther on the same things. "No. No, I'm not even suggesting that." Hunith sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly. "I am upset. Forgive me for speaking out of place."
"Why did you come here?" Uther demanded to know. He had been quite patient and afforded Hunith a great many pardons for countless things he had tried listing up in his mind that she had done wrong in his presence, but reminded himself she was the one who delivered Arthur safely into this world. "Why come to speak with me?"
She closed her eyes and sighed. "Honestly? I'm not quite sure. I'm trying to learn who to blame for this and you are the one who offered me sanctuary, Uther. To be a Lady of Camelot and to never have to worry again. I politely rejected because of the obvious," She vaguely indicated to Arnold who sneered at her but was silenced by one stern look from the King. Hunith looked over at him from above clasped hands then asked, "Why are you not offering my son the same? Why is he a manservant to your son? Why is he being tortured for Arthur?"
"Honestly, I don't think we could remove him if we tried." Frenwyn said quietly. "They're…" he briefly glanced up at the king then said, "Close. And currently, the Prince refuses to let him out of his sight for more than an hour."
"So he would know where Merlin is then." Hunith said, gaining more to her original point. "I have been searching for him all morning, and have not been able to find him or my ward, Will."
"Well, Arthur left to patrol the south-west regions with his men after an attack on the farmlands over Darreth." Uther informed her. "And usually, your son goes with him on such patrols."
Hunith's eyes enlarged. "Merlin's gone where?"
"To Darreth." Uther repeated. "More specifically, the neighbour town of Gormon, but Darreth is where the attacks have occurred."
"D-Darreth is nothing more than ruins… The dragon…"
"That's when we met, wasn't it?" Frenwyn said, his eyes widening as he remembered. "When the dragon was attacking your village."
"Yes." Hunith said no more of it, not willing to remind anyone that it was in fact Balinor who saved her and introduced her to them all. "And… And Merlin is gone. Again. Gone to throw himself in harms way."
Uther briefly opened his mouth to speak but then thought better of it and shut it again.
"He won't come to harms way." Walden assured her, breaking his usual silence, as always with firm and important words. "Despite everything, Arthur wouldn't allow it. Not again." The King stiffened and looked mildly annoyed but the Knight couldn't care less for his own safety for the moment. "They argue a lot. The Prince and his manservant. However, I have never seen anyone more loyal." He let it hang in the air, not specifying who was loyal to whom, but Hunith understood it as them being loyal to each other.
"I… I must go." Hunth said, standing up suddenly. "I need to… to clear my head."
Uther slid back his seat and looked at Hunith. "I apologise for all the harm that has befallen your son."
"Yes… Of course I…" she hadn't been paying attention and had the slightest urge to ask Uther to repeat himself as she didn't understand. "I need air."
She pushed back her chair abruptly and stalked to the door, feeling light headed at the thought that once more, her child was in danger. She pushed open the door, not caring about the fact she hadn't been dismissed by the King, and stalked off in the general direction of the battlements. She knew where she was going before she even thought of it, and just hoped that they were still as abandoned as they had been when she was a child.
"One foot forward, mate. That's all it is."
Merlin glared at Will accusingly as he had been every time he said those words in the past hour since lunch.
He stood at the beginning of the hall. The hall that led outside of the castle and into the courtyard. The hall that he'd been avoiding since his arrival back in Camelot because it meant the outside and the outside meant danger and danger meant pain and pain meant shadows and honestly, it was the shadows and the darkness and the overwhelming heaviness that engulfed him when he was unconscious that scared the living daylights out of Merlin. The outside was just an offshoot of that, or so he kept telling himself.
"I… I can do this."
"Of course you can. Now, just do it." Will shoved him forward towards the door and Merlin stumbled then turned and glared.
"I can't just do it. I'm scared." Of everything, he added mentally, trying to shove away the tears that threatened to spill.
Normally, Merlin wouldn't admit this to anyone. He had briefly said something of the sort to Arthur, but this was an outright admission that entailed he was currently frightened of moving his feet anywhere outside of the sanctity of Camelot. And considering he was a Warlock and brimming with magic, that was saying something.
But more of the point was that this was Will he was talking to and he'd seen Will crying, laughing and trying to fell a tree as though it offended him when he was encompassed by rage, so nothing was really off limits with him when it came to feelings. "But I'm right here and we're just going out to the courtyard. I'm not going to let anything happen." he swore.
Merlin glared at him. "Arthur said the same thing and he has a sword."
Will glared right back then inched forward, lowering his voice so only the two could hear. "Yeah, but unlike Arthur, I know about you and your magic and don't care so much if you use it to defend yourself."
"In the middle of Camelot?"
"I'll take the blame." he shrugged. "I can run faster than you."
Merlin glanced down Will's stockier and shorter form and snorted. "Doubtful."
"My point is, you can do this Merlin and you don't need a prat like Prince Arthur, saving you." Will spat his name out with vile.
Merlin narrowed his eyes slightly. "You really don't like Arthur, do you? You're tolerating him, but you secretly what to bash his head in."
"That obvious, am I?"
"Only to me."
"He got you hurt."
"It's not his fault."
"I fail to see how it isn't." Will said a little arrogantly. "He killed Prince Luka, he gained Odin's rage, he got himself kidnapped on a hunt and he was the one who convinced you to run, thus the fun little map you have on your back."
Merlin was starting to regret the hour after they'd left the presence of Morgana and Gwen where the two sat in one of the brighter hallways in the upper castle where Merlin knew not many ventured through, and told him in great detail with many tears exactly what had happened to him. Will had merely sat there with one arm around his shoulder and squeezed his fingers around his arm every time he found a detail particularly painful to handle. He'd made Merlin take off his shirt and see all the scars and Merlin admitted he hadn't looked at them himself. "I just tend not to look down."
Will had faintly traced the outline of one of the deeper lash marks, ones that hadn't been made in Arthur' presence but in the dungeons. "Merlin…" he'd whispered, in a small amount of awe then made Merlin put his shirt back on before hugging him and let him sob some more.
After washing his face of all tears, Will insisted they get outside and Merlin agreed but it currently led them here, at a stalemate and arguing about Arthur. "He also saved me."
"Guilt complex." Will insisted. "And those…" he lowered his voice once more. "Those magic runes. How do you know they haven't… you know? Made you all…?" he vaguely indicated a hand around his head to insinuate crazy and mental at the same time.
"Do you think I'm…?" Merlin mimicked the gesture back.
"Mate, you're not stepping outside the castle. You've already admitted I'm the first person you told what happened to you, including his royal heinie. You're not a closed off person Merlin." His voice lowered down to the last part gently. "Alright, maybe it's all shock. But have you used your magic since?"
Merlin shrugged. "A little. Here and there."
"Didn't you get sick… you know? Not using…" Will asked, remembering a time Merlin had cut himself off from magic then got ferociously ill.
"I don't know… I was already in so much pain, I couldn't tell it apart to be honest. I was weaker." Merlin closed his eyes then reopened them with a fire blazing inside of them. "Look. I'll figure out my own problems but you need to go easy on Arthur. He's not the same either."
"Guilt." Will sang.
"Stop it, Will. I'm serious. He's not a bad person."
"I never said that. I just think he needs to take more of the blame here. Especially in your head."
"No." Merlin said firmly. "He takes none of it. He blames himself enough as it is. I don't want to hurt him just to make myself feel better. You're right, I'm not this person." he said vaguely indicating to himself. "But I'm not that person either."
Will sighed but at least settled for that. "Fine. Whatever. Don't lay blame where blame is due. That's your prerogative. Doesn't mean I've got like it."
"Agree to disagree?"
Will rolled his eyes. "You can never just grunt like a man, can you?"
Merlin said nothing of it and just took it as Will's answer. He stared at the doors to the courtyard and straightened his shoulders. "I can do this." Before doubt clouded his mind, Merlin walked forward towards the doors, Will just behind him, and flung open the doors, stepping outside.
Almost immediately, he wished he hadn't as the next sight he caught was that of Leon and Kay dragging the unconscious Arthur off his horse and Sir Edwin carrying a bloodied Lancelot and running him to Gaius.
Balinor had watched the courtyard almost all morning from his place on the battlements and watched and waited for Arthur to begin his morning training. It had become a habit and strangely, it was not one he wanted to forfeit.
Despite the fact he had yet to spot Merlin during any of these training sessions, a small part of him knew that his son was watching and even that act made him feel connected. So he sat and waited half the morning, but there was no training session. A frown had settled on Balinor's face and he stood near the very edge of the broken battlement, going as far as he dared before he fell and tried to see if anything else had changed, but Camelot ran as smoothly as ever.
He tried to think of all the reasons why the Prince wouldn't be in the courtyard and thought that maybe he had gone out on patrol, but he hadn't ever seen him venture further than the inner battlements walls and made no sense of it.
The bell for lunch hour had tolled and Balinor hadn't shifted, waiting for Arthur to appear in the courtyard as he knew he eventually would. It was somehow important that he did and Balinor found himself arching forward and squinting every time he saw a blonde head or a red cape, desperately searching. If Arthur is not well, then Merlin isn't, a small irrational thought told him and he found himself becoming anxious.
It was strange how so much of his life now depended on these boys. Strange how he'd gone for caring for nothing and no one, living in cave to a man desperate to spit a hair of a boy he'd only met once and who he had tried to kill, hoping beyond hope to make a connection.
He heard a noise from behind the battlement doors and frowned, pulling his hood over his head and hiding behind one of the larger felled stones. He whispered a spell and the stone shifted slightly to cover more of him and he waited there as the door opened and stared, but nothing had prepared him for the sight.
Hunith stormed out of the castle, onto the battlements, rubbing her face with one hand and gasping in the fresh air. Tears were streaming down her face and she looked around and then collapsed against one of the sturdier battlements in tears.
It had been fifteen years since he had seen or spoken to Hunith Adhan of Darreth, then of Camelot and finally, her resting place of Ealdor. Fifteen years since he hear word of Uther's men closing in on him and tailed it out to foreign lands and distant kingdoms before he once again returned to Essetir – though he hadn't understood the draw he had felt to the country until that moment when he saw her again.
She hadn't changed a bit. Maybe there were more greys to her hair, maybe there were small lines of worry on her brown and in the creases of her eyes, but Balinor swore back to front she had only just gotten more beautiful.
So, it was no surprise that when she caught sight of him, standing up behind the stone and causing her to jump out of her skin, then causing her to almost faint at seeing who he was, that she slapped him.
A/N: Sooooooo... Did you like it? :) There are a few Letters of Camelot references in here, but I couldn't not put them in if I wanted to keep it in my AU Canon... For the most part, I think you can read around it... Oh... AND NOW YOU ALL KNOW WHY ARNOLD HATES HUNITH! Hehehe...
Oh and P.S. I think I've mentioned the Troll in earlier chapters, but I never added this... because I've mentally planned for this to happen over so many years, I sort of haven't got the time to write all the stories... So pretend that the Troll ep happened between one of the many years and that everyone was just a lot younger... I'll mention it more often when that happens...