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Chapter 39:
We're having a baby :
6 months after seriously intensifying her therapy Maura was now almost fully recovered, she wasn't ashamed to confide into Jane anymore and was never tempted to cut herself again. After 2 months of recovery Jane had decided to go back to work while Maura had decided to stay home to focus on her own recovery.
Now almost 8 months after the accident and 7 months after getting married things were finally the way they were supposed to be. Janie went back to school shortly after Jane went back to work and was as happy as she used to be. Obviously she still had to be closely monitored and take a relatively heavy treatment to avoid rejection but the little girl never complained. After the accident Constance decided to move to Boston on a more permanent basis and was fighting with Angela every week end to determined where Janie would have her weekly sleep over. Luckily for Constance Angela understood how guilty she felt and the need she felt to spend time with her. Surrounded by her two loving mommies, grand parents and friends Janie was able to go back to a completely normal life. Now about 15 months after Maura and Janie came back to Boston the little family was finally living the happily ever after they always dreamed about and deserved.
Even if everything seemed to be perfect there was still something missing : Maura was still craving for another child and had worked hard in therapy to prove to Jane that she was capable of having a second child with her. Even if her life was perfect and even if she had everything she could have hoped for Maura was convinced that having another child was the key to put everything bad that happened behind her.
It was now the end of august and Janie was supposed to go back to school in a couple weeks.
As the two women were enjoying a sunny afternoon in their backyard watching Janie play with Joe Friday and Bass Maura suddenly felt it was time to bring up the"baby" subject.
"Jane?"Maura said laying down on a long chair her sun glasses and hat on .
"Yes darling?" Jane replied slightly turning her head, narrowing her sun glasses.
"I have been thinking…." Biting her lower lip carefully considering every single word coming out off her mouth Maura wanted to make sure to bring this subject up as delicately as possible because she didn't want to make Jane feel she was trying to impose her anything.
"Oh…wow…Dr Isles has been thinking…" Jane said laughing as hard as she could as she sat up on her long chair.
"This is not funny Jane!I…"
"Alright, alright, calm down, you know you can tell me anything right?"Joining her wife on her chair Jane knew exactly what she was dying to talk to her about, but knew it had to come from her and that she needed to try to make her feel comfortable enough to express her thoughts.
"I know. Well I have been thinking and I feel I'm ready for another child. I mean I continue therapy, and I am not blaming myself anymore and I haven't felt the desire to cut myself in over 6 months."
"I know, I can see the efforts you made and what you have accomplished and I'm proud of you. Actually I'm relieved that you finally succeeded in forgiving yourself because to be completely honest I had started to loose hope that you would ever get better."
"I know, but I'm better now and I promise you I will never go back to that pessimistic, self loathing state of mind ever again."
"I know, I trust you. So anyway, another baby?Don't you think we already have our hands full with this one?" Jane joked pointing out Janie who was literally laying on the grass rolling imitating Joe Friday.
"Janie!Would you stop this, you are not a dog!Come here so I can clean you up!"Maura said rising her voice.
"Don't be so hard on her, she's just fooling around." Jane said witnessing her daughter walking towards them, her head down knowing she was in trouble.
"I'm sorry mommy but I missed Joe Friday so so so much when we were on vacation…" Janie pouted .
"I know sweetheart you have two weeks to make up for. Come here." Maura said pulling her daughter against her before starting on try to get rid of the grass on her clothes.
"So your mother and I have been talking and…"
"Jane!Don't you think we should talk about this together before telling her?" Maura objected covering Janie's ears.
"Why?I thought that you had made up your mind about having another baby already?"
"Another baby?I'm going to have a little sister?"Janie squealed clapping her hand.
"See, now you got her all excited!Yes darling, your mother and I have been thinking about having another child." Maura replied trying to make Janie stop jumping of excitement.
"How do you feel about that?Would you like a little brother or sister?" Jane asked taking her on her lap.
"I don't know. I mean…Are you going to make this baby with my daddy?" Janie grinned. Even if she was only 6 years old Maura had already told her how procreation worked and how she was brought into this world so she was obviously skeptical on how her two mommies could make a baby together.
"No, no, of course not Janie, your father and I haven't seen each other since the day we made you. I love your mother and I have no intention of ever going back with your father okay?"Pronouncing the word "father" Maura realized they never talked about Ian since Jane managed to get rid of him. Janie knew about him but never felt the need to ask them questions about him and even if she was the only child raised by a same sex couple in her entire school, not having a daddy didn't seem to bother her.
"I know that mommy, but I thought you needed a boy and a girl to make a baby…" Janie frowned unable to understand.
"Not necessarily, a Doctor could help us to have a baby without having to ….be with a man." Jane explained looking at Maura desperate for her to take the lead on this.
"Oh I see …So who is going to carry the baby in her tummy?"
"Actually neither of us. Your mother is right thanks to the progress we made in Medicine we could make a baby together but we decided to choose another option." Maura explained.
"Why?Didn't you like having me in your tummy?"
"Oh darling of course I did, being pregnant was probably the most amazing experience of my life but unfortunately there was complications when you were born so now I can not carry another baby." Maura explained taking a deep breath, her voice slightly trembling.
"I understand, but mommy you can carry a baby in your tummy right?"Janie asked looking up to Jane.
"Yes I can, but we decided it wasn't a good idea, you know because my job is dangerous and something could happen to me or the baby and we wouldn't want that wouldn't we?"
"You're confusing me now. If none of you is going to have the baby how are you going to give me a little sister" Janie grinned her arms crossed on her chest.
"Well your mother and I talked about it and we decided to adopt a child." Maura explained.
"Oh like Lena in my school, her parents went to china to adopt her you know."
"Yes darling. You know that a lot of babies are born without parents and need someone to love them and to take care of them, but we're probably not going to china, there are a lot of orphans right here in Boston who need a home."
"I think you're right chinese people talk funny anyway and mommy doesn't like to be in a place where she doesn't understand the language."
"That is so not true, I just don't like french that's all! But your mother is right there are a lot of kids who need a home right here in Boston. So what do you think?You think you would make a good big sister?"
"I think so, I can help her to do her homework and I can protect her like you do with uncle Frankie."
"Exactly, wait a minute her?So we're having another girl?"Even if she hasn't mentioned it yet Jane was secretly hoping for a boy this time. Even if her and Janie were extremely close and even if they spent tremendous amount of time together Janie wasn't into sports or any other things Jane loved. Even if Maura was convinced that the older she gets she more she looked like Jane, Janie was a little Maura, she enjoyed playing with her dolls, trying her mommies clothes, cooking with her nana Angela and Jane couldn't help but hoping to have a little boy to who she could teach to play ball.
"I hope so, guys are gross."
"Janie!You know what ?I quit, if you want to use inappropriate language fine, but in the mean time how about you go upstairs and draw yourself a bath?I will be there in a few minutes." Over the past year Maura had noticed Janie change, she was imitating the way Jane talked and would repeat every cursing words she would hear and no matter how hard she tried neither Jane or Janie were willing to stop swearing.
"But I took one yesterday already!" Jane complained tapping her feet on the ground.
"Don't argue with your mom Janie, come on."Jane said thinking that Maura might actually be right : the older Janie got the more stubborn she was becoming.
"Alright, alright…"Walking towards the house followed by Joe Friday Janie was mad at her mommies for forcing her to take a bath like this but was also excited to have a new sibling.
"I'm sorry about the cursing thing. I try to watch my language but gross seems to be her favorite word."
"It's alright let's just hope she doesn't talk like that in front of her brother or sister." Maura said her arms around Jane's waist resting her head on her shoulder.
"So we're ready doing this?"
"I believe we are."Feeling her heart hammering her chest Maura realize that her dream was finally coming true : after months of therapy Jane finally trusted her and felt confident she was well enough to extend their family.
"Good, so how do you want to play this?Should we use your family connection to speed up the process?"
"We could do that but it wouldn't fair wouldn't it?"
"It's not we would be using your connections to cheat on our taxes or to get away with a crime , right?"
"I suppose you're right, well I will call my mother tomorrow so she can put us in contact with the private agency they used when they adopted me."
"Sounds like a plan then."
About a month later thanks to her mother's help and after filling up tones of paperwork and submitting themselves to psychological evaluations Jane and Maura were meeting with someone from the private agency the Isles used when they were looking to adopt a child over 35 years ago. Even if they had received the social services and a family judge's permission to adopt another child Maura was extremely nervous to meet the lady from the agency.
"Would you please calm down." Grabbing Maura in her arms keeping her close to her Jane was trying to make her stop walking around in circle bitting her nails.
"I can't, this is serious Jane!."Unable to stop shaking Maura was unable to stop shaking.
"I know but this woman we're meeting is from the agency, she's not like the social worker who literally inspected our house and interrogated us?Her job is to help her have a child, she's on our side so you have nothing to worry about." Jane said kissing her wife's shoulder gently jiggling her from side to side to calm her down.
"I know."
About half an hour later the lady from the agency was finally sitting in their living room a note pad and a pen in her hand carefully taking notes.
"So Mrs Isles, Mrs Rizzoli, I have a few questions for you before to complete your file."
"It's Rizzoli, I took Jane's last name after we got married." Maura said sitting straight , her legs crossed, holding Jane's hand.
"Right, I'm sorry. So I wanted to thank you for providing you with everything we asked for, it takes most people weeks to gathered all those information." Seeing how nervous Maura was the lady was trying to break the ice and make her relax a little bit.
"Yeah, my wife is really organized, unlike me who used to keep my receipt in a shoes box, she keeps and thoroughly classifies everything."
"I like order, it makes me feel safe and it keeps me focus, I can not live or work in a place that's not perfectly clean and tidy, it just...bothers me you know."
"Well when you're a parent, having order in your house is essential because with children running around disorder can quickly become chaos ."
"Exactly." Maura nodded.
"So anyway I'm only here to have you a few complimentary questions, nothing complicated. For instance would you consider international adoption?"
"Yes, we would love to adopt a child from another country but we do believe that there are enough orphans right here in Boston who need a family, you know." Maura said looking at Jane for approval.
"Yes, we would obviously be thrilled to be able to have a second child and we don't care where he or she comes from but as a cop I meet a lot of street kids who grow up in foster families and it breaks my heart everytime."
" I understand, the second thing I would like to know is if you absolutely want a baby or if you would consider adopting an older child."
"Well we haven't talked about this but I suppose we would much rather have a baby if possible, right Maura." Jane replied , unsettled because they actually never consider having a child who wouldn't be a toddler.
"Yes, I think establishing a bond will be easier if we have a baby. Actually I was thinking that you could maybe find us a pregnant woman who wants to put her child for adoption, that way we could meet her and convince her that we're fit parents which I'm sure will reassure her, not to mention that we would love to witness the birth of our child." Maura added.
"Yes, damn, I never thought of that but yeah meeting the biological mother while she's still pregnant would allow her to be there for the birth."
"Alright, I will keep that in mind, but you know there is always the risk that she changes her mind after the birth and take the child away from you?Adopting a child already in the system would prevent this kind of disappointment."
"We know but seeing our child's birth is important for us. I mean Jane wasn't there when I gave birth to her daughter and during the first few years of her life and I would like to keep that from happening again."
"Alright then, you're right witnessing the birth of your child will help built the bond between the tree of you. Last question but not least... Would you prefer a boy or a girl?"
"Actually, about that babe...I would really like a little boy this time..." Jane replied biting her lip.
"Really?"
"Yes, I mean I love our daughter, but she's so...girly and as much as she's fighting you to take her bath or to brush her air, she's a mini you and even if I love the quality time we spend together I would really love to have a child who I can teach how to play ball and other boys games you know."
"Alright, well I think I would love to have a little boy too. I think the relationship you have with Frankie is great and I would love for our daughter to have the same kin dof relationship with her younger sibling and unfortunately sisters are often rival rather than best friends ."
"Alright then, well at least you know what you want...I better get to work then."
"Well obviously if you find us a little girl we would be as thrilled you know, all that matters is that we have another child." Jane said realizing how picky and difficult Maura and her were.
"It's alright it's my job to give you what you want."
"Thank you." Maura replied smiling picturing Janie running around in that house and playing with her little brother.
That night the two women went to bed their heads full of dreams, dreams about meeting a potential pregnant mother, being there for the birth of their child...Yes after spending weeks being interviews and filling up paper words Jane and Maura were now concretely in the first stage of making their dream come true. Actually even if Jane never mentioned it she was really scared to death that the family Judge would deny them the right to adopt based on Maura's cutting habits but luckily for them Maura's psychiatrist wrote a vibrant recommandation saying that Maura was much better now an that her professional opinion was the she was a wonderful mother and that she was completely fit to raise a second child. Yes after months of struggling everything seems to finally go smoothly for them and even if they knew that adoption process could take months especially since they were very specific about what they wanted, Jane and Maura were confident and were willing to wait as long as it would take. After being appart for so many years and fighting so hard to heal from what had happened to them patience was definitely a precious quality they had learned.
So guys, what do you think?God they're so picky!but I figured they would like to have a boy this time and adopting a child that's not born yet and being there for the birth would be interesting right?I can picture a meeting with a pregnant birth mother don't you?Also I think it was important that they explained things to Janie and I think you all laughed when she asked if Maura was gonna sleep with Ian again, right?
As always feedback is welcome, this story is obviously ending soon and I'm doing my best to give it the best ending possible!