AN: Epigraph from the song "Breath" by Breaking Benjamin.
The General
Chapter Thirty Seven
I'm going all the way, get away, please.
Sesshomaru walked briskly and planned the delicate words he was to say to the strongest wolf-demon and his closest ally.
He ignored the gasps of awe from his traveling companions as they witnessed the beautiful kingdom of the Ookami. The common area, where the subjects lived, was as natural as the Inu-Youkai kingdom was humanly-influenced. The air was aglitter with dewdrops hanging from ceilings of vine and stone archways. They passed marvelous constructions of stone and tree that formed open caverns which housed many energetic wolf families. Many of the Ookami-people ran about naked or in their true forms, some choosing to wear extra furs because of the winter chill. Playful pups ran about and then stopped their games abruptly when they saw the strange visitors making their way down dirt-packed paths. Those coming home with lunch slung over their shoulders or out for other daily activities slowed their steps and huddled together into groups for gossip and questions as they stared wide-eyed at the current Inu-no-Taisho.
Sesshomaru ignored their whispers and polite bows. He passed huge statues of famous wolves depicting the major historical triumphs of this kingdom, leaping over their large rock paws, and continued on over frozen streams and past gurgling waterfalls slowly flowing over green, frosted slopes. His many visits to this secretive and traditional place were remembered by his feet and they carried them through the land without interrupting his speech-making.
The guards at the magical gate were following and arguing with Kasuhama and Tomi about the reasons for their impromptu visit. It was strange and upsetting for dignitaries of other Youkai nations to just stop by unannounced, even more so when it was a royal leader like Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru understood the risks he was taking by doing this. This little decision could very well undermine years of peace and alliance, especially after he made his proposal. And if the Wolf Boss refused…
Sesshomaru would never consider the option of giving up. The Wolf Boss would agree. He would make sure of it.
He arrived onto royal lands and was swarmed by more guards and the snapping jowls of real wolves and lower-level wolf-demons. His golden eyes narrowed with consternation; they had interrupted the crucial part of his speech outline. There was no room within his overly stressed insides for satisfaction when the wolves whimpered and the guards lifted their claws in fear from his awful expression.
"Let me through," he murmured darkly.
"W-we cannot…uh…Does the Ookami-no-Taisho know you are here, my lord?"
His glare narrowed further and silenced the guard's babbling. "Let me through to see your lord or a war more foul than the ones of our history will befall upon this place."
The guards froze up; the wolves and lower-demons lowered themselves to the ground and pulled back their ears. Soon, they all bowed before the Alpha Dog and agreed to take him and his companions through the inner gates and up to the palace entrance.
The palace, as a word, was a misnomer for what the royal housing for the Wolf Leader really was. Unlike the more sophisticated tree houses so popular among the wolf-commoners nowadays, the Ookami-no-Taisho preferred the original home of his ancestors: a large, deep cavern hollowed into the side of a mountain. It was a place fairly similar to the caves Sesshomaru had hidden Inuyasha for weeks. The ceilings were impressively high and massive stalagmites and stalactites glittered with natural crystals and dripping water. Intelligently placed holes in the walls allowed for light to seep through and illuminate these crystals, splashing the walls and the fast-paced Sesshomaru with rainbow-colored reflections. Long gouges in the floor, holed in with smooth multi-colored stones, contained sweet-smelling streams of water. Many of these zigzagged throughout the palace, offering hydration to those who were deemed worthy. Sesshomaru was mindful about stepping over them. He had threatened war but would still abstain from stepping into these nearly holy streams.
At one point, Sesshomaru consciously acknowledged that servants, squabbling in voices high-pitched with trepidation, had swarmed about him and his group. They pulled soldiers one direction; the grave-robbing gang in another. Sesshomaru paused in his thoughts and lifted a hand.
"No," he commanded, gesturing to Kasuhama and Jakken, "they will accompany me." The servants spluttered into obeying. A discreet nod from Sesshomaru put his other soldiers at ease into following the servants out and soon Sesshomaru, Jakken, and Kasuhama were the only ones left.
"Take me to your taisho," he intoned.
The servants bowed and swept their arms needlessly to the direction of the Wolf Boss's throne room. Sesshomaru already knew where it was. The Wolf Boss was a strange fellow and spent most of his time in the royal grotto, enjoying the company of many attractive wolf-ladies and wolf-men who obediently sat, ready to follow orders. The Wolf Leader was not promiscuous, though surely he had many sired children running about the kingdom. He was just an intelligent and whimsical male who always desired stimulation whether it was from looking at a pretty face or speaking with an educated mind. The Wolf Boss, once securing a mate, had grown older and more inclined to other fancies rather than just satisfying his libido.
His mate also had a firm hand on him. And, according to the Wolf Leader, who always spoke too honestly to Sesshomaru, he was very satisfied in bed with that little mate of his.
Sesshomaru was not one to be easily embarrassed. The few "heart-to-hearts among men", as the Wolf Boss liked to call them, had come close.
Sesshomaru waited for the servants to announce him and then turned the corner to cross the door-less threshold into the throne room. His feet stepped up onto soft, rustic-colored furs; they covered practically every square inch of the area. His nose filled with the natural smells of tanned hide and body heat, something his inner Youkai found pleasant. There was something about the wolf's way of life that both intrigued Sesshomaru and invoked jealousy within him. It was so unlike his own kingdom, no matter how close the wolves and Inu were.
"Welcome young Inu-no-Taisho," a deep, velvety voice spoke. "I was surprised to hear your song resonate through the waters. You have developed a much more beautiful voice since the last time you came here. Tell me, Little Sesshomaru, how has my gift fared you?"
The gift he spoke of was the very caves Sesshomaru had used for hiding Inuyasha. It had been an important base for the Ookami back in the dark days of war and, in giving it to the Inu-Youkai, was an effective peace offering once the fighting had stopped. It was seldom utilized and Sesshomaru had made the diplomatic decision to inform the Wolf Leader that it was to finally be put to use. At the time, Sesshomaru had just been compelled to do so, thinking if anything it would enhance his kingdom's relations with an important ally. The Wolf Leader had been thrilled and was not troubled that Sesshomaru refused to give details about what the caves would house. After all, what Youkai leader would like to hear that a royal present was being used for a half-breed?
Even now, after the epiphanies Sesshomaru had come to about Inuyasha, the Daiyoukai doubted that the Wolf Leader would be willing to associate with hanyous. But maybe this capricious wolf would surprise him, as he often did.
Or Sesshomaru would have to persuade very effectively.
Deep in the confines of his sleeve and well-hidden, Sesshomaru balled his fist.
He bowed. "Greetings, Ookami-no-Taisho. I apologize for not sending you a notice in advance about this visit."
Sesshomaru heard the grunt of dismissal and took his cue to rise. As mentioned, the Wolf Boss had bizarre tendencies. He cared deeply about tradition but didn't like his "dear friends", as he for some reason considered Sesshomaru as, to bow to him.
"No, no, little Sesshomaru. My identity has changed since you last saw me. Feel free to call me…Kin! For I feel like a human man blessed with a wealth of gold now that my long-time friend has come to see me! Now you did not answer me. Do not leave me in suspense. I have long wondered what the son of the great Lord Touga would do with those beautiful tunnels. Ha! Did that sound like an innuendo of some sort? Ha, ha! My apologies."
Sesshomaru resisted the powerful urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. Another quirk, the Wolf Boss always had a different name for himself every time Sesshomaru met with him. The Wolf believed that names defined your very being. Which was certainly true in Inu-Youkai ideology—names were important and how the blood language caressed the name would affect how others perceived that individual, including how he or she viewed themselves. New parents dutifully spent weeks, months, finding a name and seeing if it worked just right with the image they yearned for their unborn child. Ookami shared a very similar sentiment. And if one felt to have been given a bad name, then he or she would feel discontent until the day came that they proved to themselves that they deserved the message behind their given identity.
That day had yet to come for the Wolf Boss. He felt his personality was much too complex for one simple name, one simple message, and constantly flittered about with different identities. Kin, meaning "gold", was just one of thousands.
Sesshomaru looked at the Wolf Boss and familiar feelings welled up in him: exasperation, uneasiness, and a very begrudging sense of what could be, possibly, a diluted sense of affection. Kin sat atop a hill of furs. Assorted bones and antlers littered about him. He smiled brightly with a mouth surrounded with thick bedraggled face-fur and a wiry mop of hair. Kin was a large wolf with heavy-set shoulders and thick limbs. He was shorter than Sesshomaru (and Inuyasha, Sesshomaru realized when Kin stood), a fact that irked the leader to no end. Sesshomaru sometimes brought Kin's height into conversation whenever he tired of the wolf or felt a hint of dark wit.
He answered Kin's questions about the caves. "They proved useful in recent events."
"Is that so? I am happy to hear that." Kin clapped his hefty hands.
It seemed the wolf was in an especially good mood. This was beneficial for Sesshomaru since the Wolf Leader made decisions through his emotional heart more often than his diplomatic mind. That could change quickly though. Very easily, Kin could fall into a cold, calculating persona. This ability, almost like a split personality, had gained him the throne and kept the Ookami Kingdom a strong Youkai superpower. Sesshomaru had to play to Kin's heartstrings for now, and if it was needed later on, he would switch tactics and persuade eloquently and steadfastly to a mind that was admittedly stronger than his own.
Kin walked down fur-covered steps and tried to clap a hand around Sesshomaru's left arm. But, of course, Inuyasha had hacked that off ages ago. Sesshomaru tried not to stiffen when a thick, hot palm smacked his unguarded side. Kin flinched and then erupted into laughter, awkwardly taking back his hand. "My apologies again, little Sesshomaru. I am still not used to this new look. Why have you not forced its re-growth? I know you are in a war but surely you could spare the time and energy for a needed appendage! Oh! Was that another innuendo? Ha! My, my!"
Sesshomaru waited for Kin to control himself before saying, "There is no need. It does not hinder me."
For so long, the very idea of speeding up the growth of his arm with his Youkai energy had angered him and hurt his pride. He would not resort to it and give Inuyasha the satisfaction. He would prove that he was better than the half-breed even with a missing arm.
But now, with a clearer mind and a clearer conscience, Sesshomaru considered the missing arm as a reminder. Of what could occur if he underestimated an enemy.
Of Inuyasha's strength.
Sometimes, in the back of Sesshomaru's mind, he wondered why Inuyasha didn't brag about it more…
Thinking of his brother induced a chill to his core which was already clenched tight and stiff.
"So, little Sesshomaru, my dear friend," Sesshomaru was pulled from his thoughts and looked down. Kin's expression was warm but more composed now, more serious. "To what may I owe the pleasure of your spontaneous visit?"
Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow and pointedly looked at the random wolf-subjects sitting around the room. Definite curiosity sparkled in Kin's expression. He quickly turned and waved his hand. "Leave us. Quickly." Politely and submissively, everyone did so. Soon, only Kin, Sesshomaru, Jakken, and Kasuhama occupied the space.
Kin turned back to his friend and raised a brow.
Sesshomaru closed his eyes briefly and saw that soft smile on Inuyasha's face before being taken away. He took in a deep breath.
"Tell me…Kin…what do you know about my father's second son?"
Inuyasha's head lolled slowly from side to side. Breathing in, he lifted his head to rest between his upturned arms, a temple resting against blood-stained skin. Severe dizziness swamped him from the simple movement.
They had been too excited and took too much the first time. Then, his quick healing had surprised them and they took too much the second time as well. It was Oomuranishi who convinced the other council members to allow Inuyasha rest and give him good food and water in order to replenish his blood supply. They couldn't kill him so soon. Their test had been successful and Inuyasha, or his blood for that matter, had proven its effectiveness.
The bite marks on Inuyasha's forearms were still healing from that little experiment. Behind closed eyelids, Inuyasha remembered how angry (and panicked…) he'd been when they locked him up with three infected Inu-Youkai, a male, a female, and a pup. Inuyasha, head roaring from too many blows to it, had barely kept his control without Tetsusaiga. As he ran around the tatami-matted room, blocking blows and jumping over snarling puppy-teeth, Inuyasha struggled in his decision to either kill them or let the Board know his value was well-founded. The decision had been easy…once he saw the unconscious tears running down the woman's face as her bloodlust coerced her into giving chase for the enraged child. He allowed them all one bite and as they recoiled from the taste of his healing, he knocked them out.
The Board had walked in, shocked. Inuyasha glared at them over an armful of a sobbing little girl. The she-dog sat nuzzling his neck, and the male Inu-Youkai dutifully cleansed the bite mark he had made. All three were healed and coherent. All three were overwhelmingly thankful and accepting of the hanyou who they could smell beneath their skin. All three argued and begged to stay and had to be dragged out by the guards.
As soon as they were gone, Inuyasha put up a damn good fight when the lustful-looking Ketsueki-bastard unceremoniously dragged him into the corner, locked up his hands in chains, and slit his wrists to drain the first of many bowls of blood. He had managed to jam a claw into the smug asshole's eyeball along the way. Inuyasha smirked tiredly when he remembered the high-pitched howl of pain. Ketsueki-bastard's lunge for Inuyasha had had to be restrained. He'd struck out and only managed to hit the wall, causing a small crack. He was forced to leave and the task of bleeding Inuyasha was done by another. Unfortunately, once the overwhelming dizziness and nausea kicked in, Inuyasha's fighting skills severely decreased. Yogo stopped it once Inuyasha was on the very edge of consciousness.
Cold fingers had caressed Inuyasha's chin.
"Thank you again…half-pup…"
He hadn't seen them since. The second bleeding, he could feel it'd been done, had occurred when he was still unconscious.
Inuyasha's eyelashes fluttered as they opened a slit. He saw the same room he always saw when feverish dreams slid away from him. Sconces flickered with small flames all about the room, illuminating the bare quarters. Inuyasha was the only ornament here. He slouched in the corner, grateful at least that there was enough slack in the chains to allow him to lean against the wall. Slowly, Inuyasha lifted his head and overlooked his restraints once more, trying again to find a weakness. He refused to think escape was a lost cause. No matter how sure he was that the metal was a special Youkai property, incapable of being broken by hanyou strength, with fangs, or by Blades of Blood (not like he could move his arms enough to strike anyway), Inuyasha kept up his attempts. He pulled at the chains, ignoring his body's protesting, to at least prove he would still try.
"I'm not just going to sit here…waiting…Sesshomaru…I'm not weak…you bastard…" After several minutes, Inuyasha dropped his head back down. He closed his eyes and sighed softly. He pulled his chains repeatedly, like it was now an unconscious movement.
He could nearly hear what his brother might have said in reply. The words floated breezily through his mind, it not finding the task of imagining Sesshomaru difficult at all.
Is that so? You seem quite content in sitting there, foolish little brother.
Inuyasha's lips quirked up, slightly derisive with himself at how easy imagining was.
Daydreaming about conversations with his brother was something Inuyasha used to do a lot as a child in the dark, dangerous quiet of the night. Inuyasha could not do much else after his childhood was ruined by his mother's death. He was constantly on the run from predators or working diligently to quell the gnawing ache of hunger in his abdomen after having been kicked out of the human village. Little Inuyasha had no time or safe place to use his imagination for games of fancy. And the few stories his mother had told him when she was still alive lost their beauty and slowly dimmed away from his memory. Why think about happy fairytales when his life was so desolate and lonely? So instead, little Inuyasha huddled in a ball within the branches of a tree and thought about Sesshomaru before drifting into a light doze, ears trained for hints of danger.
He wasn't sure why. His first encounter with Sesshomaru was simply horrible. But the scent of his brother and the sight of golden eyes and ivory hair, the same as his own, had burrowed into little Inuyasha's heart and memory. After so many years of being surrounded with human beings, all black hair and brown eyes, glaring and pointing and whispering at his strangeness, Inuyasha was overwhelmed with relief to have finally met someone like him. It almost didn't matter that that someone was so exceptionally cruel. His child-heart grasped for any sort of comfort, even a comfort so morbid and torturous.
Sometimes pretend-Sesshomaru spoke quietly to him, promising protection. And then, Inuyasha would make believe that he could feel the weight of a hand on his shoulder or head. That was as fantastical as little Inuyasha's dreams went. He never pictured Sesshomaru saying something affectionate or loving. In fact, pretend-Sesshomaru's voice in his head was as monotone and cold as the real Sesshomaru and would say things like, "Sleep, Inuyasha. A hanyou is too weak to protect themselves so I will do it instead." No matter how much little Inuyasha was taken by his older brother, over his mix of grace and dominant strength, the hanyou was pragmatic enough at that age to not delude himself with anything more. Little Inuyasha knew Sesshomaru hated him and would never even be near him, let alone stay awake all night by his side.
He found comfort in those fantasies, however, amidst the wave of self-contempt and sadness that welled up as well. A ghostly, self-manifested protector was enough to assure the frightened child that he could sleep and survive another night.
But those nights of dreams did not last long. Years stretched and more ghastly encounters with Sesshomaru destroyed what minimal hero-worship little Inuyasha had possessed for him. Soon, very soon, day-dreams transformed and Sesshomaru joined the horde of nightmares that jerked Inuyasha awake, sweating and choked with keening whimpers. He lost his last semblance of childhood comfort and grew up. He learned to use determination, anger, and hatred as his own protection. He learned to value being alone and made himself believe that he would never need such physical affection like a brotherly hand on the head.
He proved that he could still pretend very, very well even if wasn't a pup anymore.
Inuyasha sighed again. It seemed that even after so much time, his brain could still easily conjure up the same childish images. Maybe he really hadn't grown up at all. Maybe the last few weeks of interacting with his brother had fueled his imagination; he actually knew how Sesshomaru's hand felt when placed gently upon his head now. The surprising warmth and weight of it.
All the same, the same mixture of wry humor, scorn, and loneliness from his youth welled up when he closed his eyes and indulged himself.
"What the hell," he whispered.
I'm so pathetic.
"I could still…kick your ass…" he said aloud to the image of Sesshomaru behind his eyelids.
Prove yourself, Inuyasha.
Inuyasha smirked. He shifted into a little more comfortable position, cheek pressed up to his bare arm. They had taken his haori for who knew why. He missed its warmth and soft texture. Shivers curled beneath his paled skin like dye in water.
"Think I proved…it…when I cut off your arm, jackass…" his smirk turned into a small grin when he pictured a scowl on Sesshomaru's face.
What good that accomplishment does you here, little brother. Look at you. How patient you are for your death. What are you doing?
Do not submit!
FIGHT!
Inuyasha jerked and hissed, his muscles groaning with pain. The memory of Sesshomaru's final words to him slapped his exhausted mind, like the real person was there…shouting again…still holding his hand…
Survive, Inuyasha! I will find you! I will save you, little brother!
He could see it all again suddenly. The bright, bright gold of Sesshomaru's eyes; the slick hold of his hand, gripping so strongly, so desperately.
The sickly feeling of a whimper welled up his throat. "Stop…don't lie…"
The pseudo-Sesshomaru's voice in his head answered back without hesitation. Why would I waste my breath lying to a half-breed?
"But…what he said…"
Inuyasha remembered the words in order to prove his point to the imaginary Sesshomaru:
Your father did a terrible thing before you were born. He marked your mother. Do you know what that makes you, half-breed? The heir. Do you understand now why you should die? No one must know that the current Inu-no-Taisho is a bastard and that the cursed hanyou is more of a prince than he'll ever be.
Pretend-Sesshomaru's image was not very developed, though his eyes were vivid in Inuyasha's imagination. Inuyasha found them to be the most important part of Sesshomaru's face. They said so much more than the little words Sesshomaru uttered out loud. Now, the golden irises narrowed down on him. Inuyasha's hopes and fears and memories garbled up the pseudo-Sesshomaru's reply.
How could you—you have never been nothing—all your fault!—you must die—your life will be protected—FIGHT!—you could never succeed as heir—father should have killed—I will save you!—I forgive you—not your fault—I wanted to punish father.
I wanted to punish father, not you.
"I didn't mean for it to happen…I didn't…ask for it…I don't want it!" Far away from his awareness, Inuyasha's body tried to shiver harder and bring warmth back to its blood-drained appendages. The pseudo-Sesshomaru's eyes softened, as though he was real and could see the violent shaking.
I will not let you have it. It is mine, as Tetsusaiga should have been mine.
"I-I'll give it to you…" Inuyasha mumbled half-mindedly. "Please…I…I don't want to be taisho…father shouldn't have…"
He refused me. He always refused me.
"I…"
He refused me! And gave the throne to a disgusting half-breed!
"No, I don't…"
Pretend-Sesshomaru's mouth twisted. You should not have been born.
"I know…I already know…"
But father loved you. The unreal voice grew quieter but somehow gained more substance. Inuyasha scrunched his eyes. Suddenly, the sentences felt very old, like a half-remembered dream. Father died for you. He made me promise before his death and I…will honor it.
I will let you live until you are strong, half-breed.
Inu…Inuyasha.
Ghostly touches caressed Inuyasha's ears and his shivering quelled down. He tried to open his eyes but failed. The imaginary figure was strong in its existence and Inuyasha, half-crazed from blood loss, momentarily forgot that his brother wasn't really there.
"Sessh…"
Be still and be quiet. Rest. And then, Inuyasha feverishly believed that he felt a hand settle atop his head.
"Se…" Dreams floated up over Inuyasha again and stole him away before he could see a strange sight. From the hole Kikuketsueki had made, a small green shoot slowly pushed through. A single leaf, thin, gently unfurled.
It fluttered from Inuyasha's caressingly soft breathing.
"A second son?" Kin blinked his close-set eyes. "Ah, what a strange topic. Why do you bring this up now? You yourself reported that the child had died with Lord Touga's human."
"Yes," Sesshomaru said slowly. "That is what I said."
Kin looked up at his friend and those eyes, so normally big and foolish-looking, narrowed with the profound intelligence this Youkai possessed. "Ah," his mouth curled up, "you have been keeping secrets, my friend."
Sesshomaru lowered his voice. "Yes…I have."
"Well, this will be a very pleasant visit then. Come, little Sesshomaru. Sit down and let us talk plainly with each other." Before turning, Kin nodded at Kasuhama and Jakken. "You are welcome to sit as well. And Kasuhama, my dear dog, I am pleased to see that you are still alive. Being this little one's second-in-command must not be an easy vocation."
No, indeed. Kasuhama thought. He bowed. "It is a pleasure to see you again, my lord."
"Yes, yes," Kin waved dismissively. "Oh and Jak-Jak, I approve of the perfume you are sporting. You are not nearly as vile-smelling as I had the misfortune to experience the last visit."
Jakken shivered with disdain but made a good-enough bow. "Yes, a pleasure to see you as well, my lord," he grumbled. Stupid wolf!
Kin snickered and took his seat, patting the furs beside him. Sesshomaru elegantly sat, crossing his legs, accustomed to Kin's liking for more casual situations. Kasuhama and Jakken remained standing, near enough to hear the conversation.
But the conversation did not begin. To an outside eye, the silence looked comfortable. None knew the reality that Sesshomaru did not know how to begin. He blamed the guards for interrupting his inner speech-making earlier.
After waiting patiently for a few more moments, Kin finally rolled his eyes and leaned over, giving Sesshomaru's sleeved shoulder a small sniff. "How about we start here, little Sesshomaru," he said flatly. Darkly. "Tell me why you smell like a half-breed."
Something inside Sesshomaru tensed at Kin's tone. The jovial mood he had been relieved to walk in on had already stiffened and cooled. He closed his eyes in slight defeat.
He decided he should, at least, start at the very beginning.
"Father asked me to make him a promise. We met in his study, shortly after his announcement that the human woman was under his protection and claimed her unborn child as his own. It was the start to many poor conversations between us before his death…"
Kin sat and listened and Sesshomaru refused to look his way. He told his story, seeing it lay out before him clearer than ever before.
Little Inuyasha stumbled. He hit the ground hard, brutally, and a cry of anguish-of hurt-of betrayal-of anger at how unfair this was—he hadn't done anything wrong!—why did his momma have to die?—why did she leave him alone?—escaped him and his breaths wheezed. He bowed over his clenched fists—for just a moment—he would get up soon—he couldn't stay here long—danger, danger!—and swallowed as much as he could against the rising pressure of vomit and tears and howls.
He wanted everyone to know. He wanted anybody to know. How tired he was. How much his body hurt. His chest, his throat, his eyes, his head.
But he kept his teeth tightly shut. No one could know. Because no one would care. The world and its cruel people would make him feel worse.
He only let little whimpers, little puffs of tortured air seep pass. Even that was too much.
Despite the fever banking over his mind like ocean waves, Inuyasha peeked through his heavy eyelids and observed his surroundings. Forest, his mind whimpered. Tree. Need to get to top. A puppy whine, sorrowful and low, struggled out his throat when he pushed himself back to his feet. He wobbled to a tree that curled, fogged, became two, then three, then one again. He held out a little hand, thinking that maybe if he touched it, the tree would stop moving around. He tripped and fell against the bark, gasping and coughing. Tree. Climb. Hide. Safe, safe, safe.
Momma.
His fingers slid and scratched for purchase but found none, they trembled too much. He tried to lift a foot and dig his toes in but his body protested against even raising his knee. Must climb. To top. Safe, safe. Momma. Safe. Momma. I want Momma. I want my momma…
A traitorous sob escaped him. Once he heard it, something heavy and dark fell on top of Inuyasha, forcing his little back to bow. He tried to stop his assent and dug his claws into the tree trunk. But that one little sob cracked something within himself and more easily followed. It increased the invisible weight on his shoulders and he slowly slid down to his knees. Tears slid freely and mixed with the clear liquid flowing from his small, round, reddened nose. He wasn't old enough yet to stop crying before the tears clogged his senses. He was practicing it very hard but his body hurt so bad, he had no blanket to snuggle up with, no mother to wipe his brow and make warm rice for his tummy—no, he was outside. Outside where it was so dark. So dark. So cold. So lonely.
"Momma," he whispered.
Though he was so broken now and already couldn't smell through his stuffy nose and had given up on climbing the tree, Inuyasha kept his sobs and his pleas very quiet. He had learned a lot already about how to survive. Little Inuyasha was learning well on how to be invisible. It wasn't too hard; he was already unwanted.
"Momma…"
He fell to his side and curled up in a ball as another intense bout of nausea rippled over his little body. He looked at his hand between stalks of wet grass, blinking slowly, feeling his tears trace along the bridge of his nose.
I'm dying…his thought was clear, the clearest any of his thoughts had been for days. It scared him at first. He whispered, "Momma", again and remembered her face. He didn't feel scared anymore.
I'm so happy…
But he still cried. Long after his eyes closed and little Inuyasha was pulled into black and red fever dreams, he cried and cried. He wasn't scared but he felt no happiness. There was nothing happy about an invisible and unwanted thing dying.
The tears never ceased and Inuyasha fitfully slept on even as footsteps encroached.
"I determined that father's child would suffer. I made his life miserable and lonely. I never aided his life…" Sesshomaru paused.
Except once. Only once.
He remembered it so vividly. The heavy scent of illness, nearly coating his tongue with acid thickness. The tang of tears floating over it like salt on meat. He remembered walking in the direction of that smell without contemplating why. He had known it was the hanyou. He found the simpering child, rolled into himself, and didn't think of doing anything at first. Not even killing the half-beast. He just looked down on the little thing. And beneath the layers of hatred and scorn, there was amazement that the hanyou was still alive.
"Is that so?" Kin said and brought Sesshomaru out of his brief musings. "So I take it that you killed the hanyou after torturing it?"
Sesshomaru could not determine anything but calmness from the wolf's expression. He may have to resort to threats after all, no matter how fruitless in the long run. Sesshomaru knew very well that he did not have enough healthy troops to conquer the Wolf Kingdom. The Inu-Youkai Kingdom was too ravaged by disease and dissension to win.
Was breaking such a long allied relationship worth it?
Sesshomaru closed his eyes and pictured Inuyasha's strange smile, how a mumbled "brother" was his last word.
"No," he whispered. "I did not kill him."
"You let him live? To this day?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
Inuyasha had been so small that day. Sesshomaru remembered pushing him over with a toe and sneering at the whimper and the dried snot and tears coating Inuyasha's ashen face.
"It does not matter why."
Kin's voice hardened. "Yes, it does, Little Sesshomaru. You will tell me why."
He had knelt down and put claws to the pup's neck, felt the beating of Inuyasha's heart. It was maddeningly repetitive to suddenly recall his father's face whenever he was about to actually kill the hanyou! But it had happened and suddenly Sesshomaru could not pierce the feverishly-heated skin. He had growled. Stood up. Walked away. Left the child to die.
"It does not change anything."
"You are wrong, little Sesshomaru. The 'why' is the most important!"
He had walked off, determined to let the predators growling out in the bushes to snack on his father's precious half-beast. Had been so determined.
Then, Inuyasha had coughed. And he did not understand why but Sesshomaru decided to turn around. The pup's eyes were open, half-lidded but surprisingly aware. Gold eyes met gold eyes and held for many moments.
Kin's hand was on his shoulder. Sesshomaru did not notice that his voice was softer. "Tell me why you did not kill Inuyasha, Sesshomaru."
There were no thoughts of killing the half-breed. His mind had been nice and clean of any thoughts. He just stared at the little child who had wrenched his life so out of sync with his plans and desires. The hanyou stared right back.
And smiled.
Sesshomaru had felt his shoulders stiffen at the sight. The child's smile was soft, framed by sweaty white hair and grass. It aged Inuyasha greatly despite the dimple in his plump cheek. Inuyasha said nothing. He coughed again, weaker this time, and closed his eyes. Sesshomaru watched his puppy ear droop flat and cease moving.
"Sesshomaru?"
"Because," Sesshomaru said. His gaze was far away, seeing a time years ago when he had picked up a little body for the first time. He had fit like Rin, he thought. Inuyasha, thin and shivery, had fit onto his palm and forearm so easily. The pup had been so quiet. "He accepted it."
Sesshomaru looked over at Kin. "Even when he fought me, he accepted that I would be the one to take his life."
Inuyasha had been so quiet while Sesshomaru forced the fever out of him. Sesshomaru had not been kind. He worked Inuyasha's jaw open and slid food and water in without preamble; did not soothe him when fever-dreams caused him to writhe at night; had no qualms slapping his hand when Inuyasha reached out in the haze of his sickness.
And when Sesshomaru waited for Inuyasha to wake up, finally having broken the fever, Inuyasha remained quiet. The little pup blinked at his surroundings, smelled the remnants of Sesshomaru's scent, and did not say a word. He struggled to his feet, his knees nearly buckling, and did not call out for the brother he knew was hidden amidst the trees.
"He accepted my hatred and lived with it." Sesshomaru thought over his words, over the weeks of interaction he had with his brother. He thought of how it felt to cradle Inuyasha's head and neck as a sickly child and then feel that same head rest against him decades later while Inuyasha slept deeply, healing from his poison. He remembered awakening in a human hut, warm and watched over by a shivering Inuyasha; the sight of blood arching across the sky and forcefully, willingly given to him as a cure. He met Kin's eyes, feeling that quivering tightness within him ease a bit. Even if Kin refused to aid him, Sesshomaru would save his brother. "That is why."
Kin stared at him. Sesshomaru held the gaze determinedly, watching as the wolf's face rippled minutely with unreadable expressions.
His voice was unreadable as well. "Why did you come here, little Sesshomaru? What does this have to do with the half-breed?"
Deep within, his beastly side growled at how flat and cold the word "half-breed" sounded. It yearned to lash out but Sesshomaru reminded himself that there was little time for meaningless altercations about a word he had used often and cruelly. The reaction was interesting, to say the least, and he marveled momentarily at the vast change this revealed about his inner being.
Pup. His inner beast whined. It thought of Inuyasha's bleeding calf; the force of Shirabaku's fist against his skull. Pup hurt. Disallowable. Want to find. Want to protect.
Soon¸ he assured.
Sesshomaru answered, words encased with steel, "My royal board of advisors have become mutinous and are much too accustomed to seats of power. They work without my heed or direction and have taken...him…into undue custody."
Kin's eyes gleamed. "You used my caves as a means of preventing that didn't you? You used a royal gift, given for peace and to benefit diplomatic relations, to house a being that is blamed as the root cause of your kingdom's upheaval."
Sesshomaru did not hesitate. "Yes."
He understood then that Kin was not going to agree to this affably. He would have to eloquently argue for his way and, if unsuccessful, move to more underhanded options.
At the edges of his thoughts, doubt pricked at him. Was it worth it, breaking hundreds of years of alliance, for a creature whose existence was unwanted by so many?
"And why do they want him? I understand that you believe him to still be alive. So why are they allowing the half-breed to live instead of exterminating him on sight?" Kin snapped.
Sesshomaru tightened his fist and smelt his blood still coiling with Inuyasha's healing scent. Extermination. He felt his face harden into a glare and decided against pulling the expression back into a stoic look. Let Kin see. Inuyasha did not deserve a word like "extermination". Sesshomaru keenly felt the absence of Inuyasha not being there to defend himself with a blustering yell, as he had for years against the lord of the Western Lands when he spoke similar insults. And he would, Sesshomaru had no doubt, stand up against this wolf—the strongest ookami here—if he were present. Inuyasha would stand tall and raise his voice. He would bellow loud enough that the hallways would reverberate with his echo.
"I'll show you! I'm not just a hanyou! My name is Inuyasha! I-Nu-Ya-Sha! And I'll prove you wrong!"
And Inuyasha would prove his words. He would prove through sheer determination and intense risk-taking that he was more than an unwanted half-breed. He would refuse to be ignored by even this royal Youkai.
Just as Inuyasha had proven to him time and again, more times than it should have required, all because of the difficulty of getting past Sesshomaru's blindness.
Half-breed.
Extermination.
These words did not fit Inuyasha. Sesshomaru straightened his posture in rising ire and challenge. They should never be in the same sentence with him, never again.
"But you have never been 'nothing'. I have lied to you for far too long."
Inuyasha was more than that.
"He is important," Sesshomaru growled.
"He will be born, Sesshomaru, and he will exceed any expectations brought against him. He will grow to be strong and will earn the respect others give. And you, my son…You and he will stand next to each other, balanced like his blood. You will be very important to him…and he shall become important to you."
Sesshomaru's expression, unbeknownst to him, softened and his voice gentled in tone—though the words grew firmer and resolute.
"He is important."
In a rare moment, Sesshomaru held Inuyasha again upon his left arm as he jabbed a finger into the child's mouth, uncaring that his claws nicked and scratched skin. He pulled down a jaw pliant from sickness and exhaustion. The little creature gagged weakly when the water flowed too quickly from the flask and it turned its head, coughing softly through a swollen throat. Sesshomaru allowed it to and waited for the attack to abate. Exasperated, he poured the water slower, wanting to finish the task quickly and without further interruptions. The hanyou responded positively to the gentler treatment and when the flask was taken away, it even mewled with contentment and its body relaxed.
Something underneath the heavy shadows of his hatred and imperiousness nodded in satisfaction at the sound; edges softened. Sesshomaru stifled it easily. He placed the flask away.
When he was about to set the hanyou back onto the grass, it shifted and whimpered. A hand, with the smallest fingers Sesshomaru had ever seen, found the fabric of his sleeve and gripped with a strength he had thought was absent from the sickened half-breed. He stopped his movements and looked down at the creature.
It was such a tiny thing, a tiny being that had caused much destruction and turmoil.
Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes down at it.
This…this…
Pup.
Thing! This thing was the true heir to the Western Lands. A prince according to the old customs of his people. Shivering and whimpering from a human ailment.
Pathetic.
"I will not let you have it," Sesshomaru said lowly. The alien ears atop the creature's head flicked at the sound of his voice. "It is mine."
The child gave no argument. Sesshomaru leaned back against his mokomoko, disgusted at the annoyance he felt for the answering silence to his words. He shifted so the hanyou slept on his forearm, braced against an upraised thigh. Its fever heated through his hakama pants. Sesshomaru continued to look at it, questioning but uncaring about why he was doing this. He fantasized about throwing it, it unknowing, wondering about how it would react to finding itself flying and then landing onto hard, frozen ground. The hanyou broke through his musing when it turned its head until its nose nestled against his knee.
It must smell him, he thought. How deeply the human illness must have worked to prevent the creature from recognizing the scent of someone so dangerous. Who yearned for its demise.
But whenever he harbored such thoughts, his father's ghostly voice would float through his mind. Protect this…this thing. Disgusting. If only father could see it now, pale and thin. Ribs revealed under stretched and bruised skin. Cheeks plump from puphood splotchy with an unbecoming shade of red. Triangular abominations atop its head twisting and twirling at every little sound.
And small. Hands. Chest. Bare, frigid feet. Chapped nose and mouth. All so small. Everything about this…this thing was small.
Yet it carried his father's aspirations and pride and even his death upon it.
Sesshomaru thought of his father briefly, and all that entailed. The frustration. The confusion. The anger.
The pain.
"He refused me," Sesshomaru whispered, watching as the ears turned and remained towards him. As though listening attentively. "He always refused me."
Sesshomaru tightened the hand behind the half-breed's little head, long fingers gripping around its throat. He ignored the twitches and weak sounds of pain. "He refused me! And gave the throne to a disgusting half-breed!"
He squeezed. "You should not have been born."
His hand continued the pressure for long seconds, until small lips quivered from lack of oxygen. But Sesshomaru honored his word and the hold lessened until it was once again a cradling support.
"But father loved you," he said. The child coughed for breath and clumsily rubbed its cheek against his leg, searching for comfort. Its ears remained strained towards him. "Father died for you. He made me promise before his death and I…will honor it."
Sesshomaru relaxed the tension in his shoulders. He silently cursed this predicament.
"I will let you live until you are strong, half-breed."
He closed his eyes, saw his father's face; remembered all of what father had bestowed upon this…this thing. Even the child's very name held too much weight.
"Inu…Inuyasha."
He lay for a while, trying to ignore the heat and the little heartbeat resting against him.
"Important?"
Kin's voice pulled Sesshomaru back to the present. It was an odd experience to be pulled into musings and memory so often. Sesshomaru focused quickly, reasserting himself.
His voice bespoke finality. "Yes."
Kin hummed and leaned back against his hands. He looked over at Kasuhama and Jakken, both staring at Sesshomaru with a kind of awe. "Important. Yes. He is rather important, isn't he? Your father certainly thought so. He could go on forever about you and Inuyasha and all that he hoped for you two."
Sesshomaru stiffened. "Father…spoke to you about—"
"About Inuyasha? Yes, he did. Came to me in the same manner as you, all secretive and meek and whatnot. Made sure there was food and strong drink though before he told me the whole story about his human mate and their unborn child. Unlike yourself. Of course, what do you expect from someone so uptight? " Kin laughed softly and looked up at the ceiling. Sesshomaru watched him, lost to what this shift in the conversation could entail.
"It was the last conversation I had with him...as well as the longest. Moon above, that dog loved the sound of his own bark! He waxed poetry about love and contentment, gentleness and loyalty; went on and on, obviously trying to convince me that he was not in the wrong in choosing a human as his marked. Of course, why care what I thought? Not like I was his closest ally and best friend. Ha! I ended up being his only friend. I sure surprised him when I stuffed a bone into his mouth and told him to shut it. Because I saw the way he glowed when he talked about her and when he described his plans, all that he wanted to teach and show his unborn pup. And he glowed when he talked about you and what he hoped you both would achieve together."
Kin turned to him again. And smiled.
"You glow just like him. It's in your eyes. In the song you sang for the waters."
He snorted and lifted a scraggily brow. "Don't you look all surprised? What? Were you thinking you'd have to resort to blackmail? Ha! A simple explanation will get you farther. Though I'd say seduction does a better job. Ha ha! Oh, I can hardly imagine that! You would need experience first and foremost! Ah, besides, I would be too much for you to handle. Only my darling mate, love of my life, can make me—"
"Kin." Sesshomaru cut in. "What are you saying?"
Kin chuckled to himself and turned around. He dipped a finger into a stream running through the ground next to him and emitted a short growl. The sound vibrated through his body and sent ripples across the water's surface, undulating out of their sight. Sesshomaru understood what this action did and waited, anticipating for the moment that they could continue the conversation. He quelled his agitation at the interruption.
Everything he felt quickly faded into mute surprise when he saw who responded to Kin's summoning.
"Why refuse your call for help, Little Sesshomaru? It happens so rarely and it was certainly refreshing to see you so passionate for once. A rare sight indeed!" Kin motioned the newcomers over and his tone deepened with seriousness, "But, most importantly, why would I refuse when I already owe your brother a debt?"
The wolf prince, accompanied by two wolf-demons Sesshomaru only vaguely recognized from the campsite all those weeks ago, stepped up to their level and bowed in his direction.
"Yes, uncle, you called for me?"
Kouga looked much healthier than the last time Sesshomaru had laid eyes on him. Though there was still a surprising tang of Inuyasha's blood clinging stubbornly to the wolf's scent. He thought it should have been gone by now.
At his uncle's urging, Kouga rose and then sat next to Kin. His companions stood to the side, murmuring excitedly with Kasuhama. The prince's ice-blue eyes caught Sesshomaru's and glared, intriguing him.
Kin did not notice. He patted his nephew's knee. "Yes, Kouga here, my dear nephew, has already told me everything I need to know about Inuyasha. The famous hanyou who searches for the fragments of the Jewel of Four Souls and carries a weapon capable of vast destruction. The same hanyou who was my darling nephew's greatest rival in love! The one who saved him from the worst illness to have ever plagued our kingdoms and has provided an amazingly effective cure."
Kin exhaled slowly.
"Important? I would wholeheartedly agree, Little Sesshomaru. Your brother is very important."
Sesshomaru absorbed this slowly, almost unbelievably.
Kin spoke further before Sesshomaru could formulate a response to this. "Did you know, Little Sesshomaru, that once a person has been given the cure, he or she can spread it as well? It is something we discovered completely by accident. Kouga gave it to one person, that person gave it to another, and so on and so forth. In the manner of a few short weeks, my entire kingdom has gained renewed health as well as immunity. And it was all thanks…to a half-breed. Simply amazing."
Sesshomaru looked at Kasuhama, as though seeking clarification. He had not noticed Inuyasha's scent when he traveled through the wolf lands. But how improbable was this, when Inuyasha's scent still lingered in his veins? It was already so similar to his. Had become familiar and accepted to him.
If he had not experienced Inuyasha's healing himself, Sesshomaru may have scoffed at this. That his blood was that far-reaching in its effectiveness. Yes. Simply amazing.
Sesshomaru tensed, his knuckles cracked into a ball.
Shirabaku's words came back to him: "The news of a cure has caused quite a stir… Want to keep the cure all to yourself, is that it? Not very selfless, dear Inu-no-Taisho."
But it was doubtful that the Elders would come to know of or care that the cure could be spread in such a way.
Kin placed a hand upon his straining fist and patted it. "Little Sesshomaru," he waited until the Inu-Youkai gave his undivided attention, "I will aid you in whatever you ask of me."
With the ease of a knife piercing skin, the tension bled out of Sesshomaru's countenance. He blinked and had to look away, taken aback. He hadn't even voiced his proposal yet and Kin had already accepted. In a way, Inuyasha had done all the work for him.
Inuyasha. His inner beast crooned and paced at the name. I will find you. Wait for me.
"Well then," Kin clapped his hands, making a mighty sound that caused a few of the demons present to flinch. He stood to his feet and posed with fists on his hips. "There is not much time, am I right? And if I want to meet this famous Inuyasha in once piece, we should ready ourselves to leave immediately. Nephew!"
Everyone rose as well. Kouga answered, "Yes, uncle?"
"Ready the troops. Tell them of the situation. Let them know that we are going to rescue the person who saved our kingdom from the plague. You shouldn't have much argument after that!"
Kouga grinned. "Yes! Come on, Hakkaku, Ginta!"
"Yeah!"
Kin turned to Sesshomaru and did a slow onceover up and down his person. "You, my dear friend, are missing some necessary equipment. Oh! I mean, surely you are well-endowed, excuse me! Ha ha! But no, in all seriousness, come along. Good thing I have the best blacksmiths in the land. Let us go find the rest of your party and get ready for one hell of a fight. We will also need to come up with a strategy, Little Sesshomaru. Those advisors of yours are a sneaky lot. I always warned your father about them. Having advisors is a human custom. A true Alpha does not need it. No, an Alpha needs a mate! Someone strong and willing and with a nice set of hips, yes, that's very important—well?"
Kin, already down the steps, looked back at Sesshomaru. Kasuhama and Jakken also stood frozen, a bit wary and startled by the shift in atmosphere.
"Come along then, Little Sesshomaru! Inuyasha is waiting."
Sesshomaru nodded and stepped down.
Soon, Inuyasha. Fight until then.
AN: YES! An update! I live!