The messenger came sprinting into the great hall, breath barely keeping up with his body.
"Your Highness, our army has been crushed at Moscow and has shattered."
The Queen instinctively reached backwards to grab the healing hair she no longer had.
"I... I... I see. Is that all?" asked Rapunzel.
"No. The Tsar has your cousins, your Highness. He is demanding a ransom of 650 million rubles."
"650 million? Silver or assignat?"
"Silver rubles. What's more, he wants you to send the highest ranking official you can."
"Oh no, oh no. This is bad. We don't have 650 million rubles. We're going to have to sell something... I know. Eugene, come with me. We're going to need to call a broker."
They passed through the labyrinthine halls of the palace, before finally coming to a massive steel door. Rapunzel set several combinations, then cranked a wheel. The door creaked open. The inside of the vault was lit by several gas lamps, which slowly flickered to life. The pair paused. The vault was completely sealed, and it would be good to cycle out some of the stale air. Then Rapunzel stepped inside, Eugene following close behind.
"Well... looks like somebody's beefed up the security here. No more heists for me," said the King.
Rapunzel ignored the comment, walking to the center of the room. The Polish crown jewels shimmered, lying in wait. The Crown of Boleslaw, which had been used as one of the crowns in her coronation. The Queen's Crown, which had been used during the ceremony for Eugene. He hadn't been happy about that. The Hungarian crown. The Homagial crown. The Funebralis crown. Szczerbiec, the Sword of Poland. Scepters, orbs, jewels. Her eyes were drawn to a familiar looking crown. It was so different from the Prussian crown she wore nowadays.
"Hey, I remember that thing. Shouldn't it be in a satchel?" said Eugene.
The Queen stroked the crown with her fingers, and a chill ran up her spine. Had it really only been nine years? Already it seemed like another world and another life. Her other hand moved to cup the squirming new life in her belly.
"Hey... Eugene? If the baby is a girl, can we name it Gothel?"
"After that witch? Blondie, something's up today. You feeling alright?"
"Well, she did raise me. I guess I still have more good memories than bad, even with what she did."
"Ahhhh, I understand. You've got some misplaced nostalgia. Alright, but if it's a boy, he's named Thunder McCoolguy."
"Thunder McCoolguy?"
"You know, from the Adventures of Flynn Rider."
"I've read the Adventures of Flynn Rider. I had it reprinted with you as the main character in that propaganda campaign. Who's Thunder McCoolguy?"
"I see someone hasn't read the revised and improved second edition."
Eugene sighed loudly.
"Oh Blondie, I'm hurt. Here I thought we were supposed to be soulmates."
"Ugh. I'm trying to be serious here. My cousins are being held prisoner."
Eugene gave her the smolder. She squinted. He smoldered harder. She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. The smolder went to maximum power. She turned away. Eugene was giving the smolder all he had. She turned back, seized Eugene and threw herself into him, kissing with a throbbing, hungering passion.
"Mmmm, uhmmm, ohhhh... That never used to work before. No fair!"
"My powers will only get stronger with age, Blondie."
"Oh yeah? How about sixty or seventy, smart guy?"
"I'll be the sexiest grandpa alive. Families will line up for miles to see me in underwear. We'll retool the entire economy around Sexy Grandpa Tourism."
"Oh god."
"I'm going to enjoy having a son called Thunder McCoolguy."