Fighting To Survive

by jennylyne

Her world falls apart after he leaves. Will she be strong enough to survive it? The final chapter is up! I appreciate all that have read and reviewed. I hope that it has been an enjoyable read.

38. Chapter 38

Fighting to Survive Chapter 38

I don't own SVU or the characters associated with SVU.

Alex wondered if she had ever had such an emotional investment in a trial she wasn't officially involved in. She caught the occasional quick glance from Roland Hicks and then from Trevor Langan. Both attorneys sat confidently awaiting the arrival of the judge who was known to take his time simply to make an entrance. It was his way of commanding control of the courtroom before he even set foot in it. Alex always loved when Judge Howard Schropsky was assigned a case of hers as he was also known to favor the prosecution. Trevor kept his confident demeanor despite Judge Schropsky barely acknowledging him upon his arrival. Alex offered Trevor an encouraging nod when he glanced back at her.

She watched as Hicks analyzed the jury, a strategy most prosecutors started with. A jury of your peers wasn't always accurate and that was definitely the case today. Grace sat to the left of Sara, trying in vain to keep the young woman's attention on her and not the fact that Olivia had yet to arrive. Alex fielded Grace's questioning gaze also with an encouraging nod. Olivia said she'd be here and Alex refused to believe she had changed her mind.

Alex looked behind her at Nick and Fin before letting her gaze fall onto Cragen. He didn't seem concerned with the fact Olivia had yet to show despite the judge settling in. Alex faced the front just in time to catch Grace whisper something into Sara's ear. She was reassuring her and Alex prayed whatever she was saying would be enough to keep Sara focused with or without Olivia.

Judge Schropsky announced officially why they all gathered and Alex noticed how Sara had no response at all when he mispronounced her last name. Whether or not it was intentional was irrelevant and Sara didn't seem to care. Alex scanned the jury again, this time paying attention to the six jurors who appeared to be of Hispanic decent. The two women and four men all seemed to have a least a slight look of annoyance at the judge's lack of consideration. Alex smiled to herself as she could only score one for the defense with that one.

Roland Hicks stood at the Schropsky's suggestion to begin and faced the jury to begin his opening argument. Alex watched Grace carefully as she used whatever physical contact necessary to keep Sara still. Sara didn't seem interested at all at what they were accusing her of as she continuously turned looking for Olivia. Alex watched as Nick moved a few feet to his left so that he would be better in Sara's line of vision. He seemed to calm Sara with just a slight smile and a nod. Alex found herself wondering how this young woman who had been so traumatized by men, most notably her father, could strike a repoir with Nick Amaro that fast.

Alex turned as well as everybody else to face the back of the courtroom when the door opened wide enough for Olivia to enter, the sound of her crutches making contact with the hard courtroom floor was louder than she would've liked. Olivia immediately made eye contact with Sara, pausing just a bit to silently apologize for her tardiness. Alex couldn't help but smile at the way Elliot placed his hand on Olivia's back, the gesture just enough to get Olivia moving. It was only a few seconds more before Olivia had taken a seat next to her and Alex reached for her hand, squeezing it once.

Schropsky was clearly irritated at the interruption as he called for order in a courtroom that was clearly not out of order. Roland Hicks began his argument over again, while Sara seemed to have a conversation with Olivia simply through their eyes. Alex watched, careful not to interrupt for it was clear that Olivia's presence was Sara's calming tactic.

Trevor Langan stood once Roland Hicks returned to his seat. His quick glance toward Alex and Olivia did not go unnoticed by either woman as he walked the few feet so that he was standing just on the other side of the waist level wall that separated him from the jury. Alex paid close attention to how Trevor defined what he would be defending. He spoke to them all, but he made sure he held eye contact longer with each Hispanic juror and he emphasized the correct pronunciation of Sara's last name. Alex knew then that Langan had picked up on the possible advantage and immediately tried to capitalize.

Roland Hicks also picked up on the mistake from the prosecution favoring judge but could only watch and listen to the way Langan worked it to benefit the defense. Alex watched as Hicks instantly seemed agitated and she knew that could result in an even bigger advantage for the defense. Langan also picked up on the slight frustration of the top notched prosecutor and intentionally dragged out his opening argument to keep Hicks off the field so to speak. Alex hated having to go up against Langan, but today she was loving watching him play.

Alex wished Trevor would show at least some compassion for Sara as he returned to his seat and immediately buried his nose into his notes. He rarely showed any emotion and the way he conducted himself today was no different than he had done in the past. Grace, however, constantly whispered to Sara and Alex knew Grace was a huge asset to Langan.

"The state calls Detective Elliot Stabler." Roland Hicks barely looked up as he waited for Elliot to take the stand. Alex knew they would call Elliot to paint the picture of Sara as a child. To explain the violence she witnessed as a young girl and how that may have affected her once she was grown. Alex smiled at Olivia's reaction to hearing Elliot called as Detective Stabler. She watched as Olivia immediately looked back at Cragen, his expression confirming what Olivia quickly figured out. Olivia then looked down at her hands, taking a few moments before looking up as Elliot took the stand.

Alex couldn't help but see Elliot as he had been. He looked very much as he used to, clean shaven and a perfectly fitted suit. He chanced a glance at her, knowing he would make eye contact with Olivia if he looked too long. Alex could feel Olivia's eyes on her and her only response was to grab her hand again. Olivia faced forward at the sound of Hick's deep voice as he began to build his case.

Sara seemed interested in what was transpiring as if she was hearing the story for the first time. Her gaze stayed locked on Elliot, yet his was fixed on Hicks. Elliot had no trouble recalling the facts and he answered each question with as few words as possible. He was officially testifying for the prosecution but his tactics made it obvious he was there to support Sara. Alex watched Olivia carefully as she focused on Elliot and how he was answering. Elliot was careful not to let his eyes wander only looking toward Sara and Grace once Hicks stated that he had no further questions.

Alex was not surprised at all when Trevor stood only to state he had no questions. Elliot was then excused and quickly returned to his position next to Olivia. Alex looked up to see Grace carefully watching Roland Hicks. She then turned toward Alex with an alarmed look on her face. Alex knew then what was coming and she also knew this could make or break Sara Esteban.

"The state calls Olivia Benson." Alex immediately looked at Trevor who was quickly on his feet objecting. Roland Hicks expected Trevor's response and asked the judge to approach the bench. Judge Schropsky directed both attorneys to approach.

Alex wrapped her arm around Olivia's shoulders as she dropped her head to avoid Sara. Alex whispered softly to Olivia explaining what Trevor was arguing. Olivia looked into Alex's eyes before looking up toward Sara's.

Court was recessed while Roland Hicks and Trever Langan met with Judge Schropsky in chambers. Sara was escorted out into a secured room to wait, an officer close by her at all times. Grace accompanied Sara, refusing to leave her alone. She wasn't sure if Sara was thankful or annoyed at the company. "Olivia is going to testify against me?"

"Trevor is fighting against that now, Sara." Grace knew the possibility was good that Olivia would indeed have to go on the stand for the prosecution.

Alex opened the door, standing aside as Olivia made her way in. Sara immediately turned away, refusing to look at either Olivia or Alex. "Sara, please. You have to know that I don't want to do this." Olivia made her way over to where Sara sat next to Grace.

Sara was immediately on her feet, anger filling her whole body. "I trusted you. You promised me you would help me. I don't need you." Sara looked Olivia squarely in the eyes as she spoke. "Miss Mills, I changed my mind. I don't want to do this. There's no way I will win."

Olivia looked at Grace, begging her to say something that would settle Sara, but it was Alex who spoke first. "Sara, Olivia is being called as a hostile witness. The prosecution knows she does not want to testify and they also know how she testifies will reflect that."

Grace pulled out a chair before placing her hands on Olivia's shoulders encouraging her to sit. "Sara, we were informed that they intended to call Olivia. The only way to avoid this was if she didn't come to the trial at all. You said you wanted her here, so she's here."

"Why? Why does she have to testify against me?" Grace looked toward Alex as she returned to her seat next to Sara.

"The prosecution wants Olivia to tell the jury how affected you were as a child. Your mother's murder, the abuse, and so forth. They will then try to bring in the fact that you killed as an adult and then again while at Taconic. Taconic has nothing to do with this trial, but the prosecution will bring it up. Trevor will object and the judge will strike it. The problem is, the jury will have heard that you killed while at Taconic and their impression of you will change with that." Alex looked at Olivia who seemed to be fighting off the memory of Taconic and the riot where Sara had killed to save her life. "Trevor is working right now to keep Olivia from testifying, but there is a good chance she will have to testify as a hostile witness."

Sara stared at Alex hard. The silence in the small room was heavy and Grace knew it was necessary for Sara to comprehend all that Alex had explained to her.

"Sara, either way, it will all be okay. You have to trust that it will be, okay?" Alex pulled Sara's attention with the relaxed tone of her voice.

Sara closed her eyes, showing just how hard this whole trial was on her. She opened them and quickly found Olivia's. Neither woman speaking, yet it was clear to all in the room that Sara wanted and definitely needed Olivia here with her. Olivia noticed how Sara's eyes paled and that hollow look that she recognized so easily was back.

"Sara, stay with me. We're going to get you through this but you have to stay with me, okay?" Olivia reached out, taking Sara's hand in her own.

Grace whispered that she would return and Alex stood as well. Olivia noticed but kept her attention trained on Sara while the other women left the room. "Where are they going?" Sara's voice was weak and this worried Olivia.

"Probably going to check on what's going on. Trevor Langan is very good at what he does. He has anticipated this and I'm sure will be able to spin it in our favor. We just have to trust him and I know that's hard Sara. I know it's so hard to trust." Olivia stayed close to Sara and her words seem to come from nowhere as she tried to keep the younger woman positive.

"He didn't do so good for you. He didn't even try and you were the police." the anger that laced Sara's voice was hard for Olivia to hear.

"Sara, maybe I didn't try. I could have and maybe should have demanded my case go to trial, but I was scared. I was scared that because of having been an officer, my actions would have been what sent me away for life. Trevor opted to go another route and because of Grace I am here right now...with you." Olivia gently pushed the hair back away from Sara's eyes, encouraging her to look at her. "I trust them Sara. I trust them to do right by you."

Sara was suddenly a child again as she wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck. It was a move that surprised Olivia initially but also reminded her that this physically tough woman was so very fragile. Olivia was mindful of Sara's healing bruises and held her against her own body hoping to find the strength for the both of them to continue. It was true she trusted Trevor and it was true she trusted Grace. Olivia wondered if she could trust herself to be Olivia Benson in the court room knowing how important that would be to Sara.

Olivia worked to settle Sara, the shaking she felt from the young woman bothered her in a way she wasn't prepared for. Grace returned followed by Alex and both women stood aside quietly until Olivia carefully pulled Sara's arms from her. Alex waited until Olivia looked her in the eye before giving her that slight smile and smaller nod. It was good news, this much Olivia could read.

Alex waited until Grace had taken a seat next to Sara. The calming effect she had on Sara was obvious to all and Olivia was so grateful for Grace; again. "Olivia will not have to testify for the prosecution." Alex held Sara's eyes for a second before continuing to explain. "Detective Stabler was also present during that initial investigation and his testimony will suffice at this point. He is currently a member of service where Olivia is not so therefore his testimony as the investigating officer is all Hicks is going to get."

Olivia looked at Alex and the relief was evident however the sadness at the reality of her words was also staring back at the ADA. Olivia was no longer a member of service and the stark reality of those words stung.

"Olivia?" Grace's comforting voice was all that was needed to pull Olivia back to the fight at hand.

"I'm fine, Grace." Olivia offered a small smile before turning her attention to Sara. "This is good, Sara. My partner did a good job when he was on the stand."

"Sara, they're going to call us back in a few minutes. The prosecution will be upset that his strategy has to change and he will go hard to prove his case with the other witnesses. He will have them describe the murder scene in detail and he will paint you as a full blown murderer." Alex kept her voice even, her matter of fact manner hard but necessary right now. "Trust Trevor to combat that image he will create, trust him."

Sara glanced at Olivia before turning to Grace. "I will have to go up there after that?"

"Yes, but Sara, you are ready. You are so ready and you are so much stronger than even you know." Grace squeezed Sara's hands. "You just have to remember what we talked about and trust Trevor to defend you."

The knock at the door and the bailiff announcing it was time to return caused all the women to be silent. They had won a small victory by Olivia not having to take the stand for the prosecution but Alex knew Trevor had planned on calling her for the defense and by doing so, Roland Hicks would have a chance to cross-examine her. Alex watched Olivia carefully as Sara was led out by the officer. She could tell Olivia was already thinking about that as she knew exactly how these things worked.

Alex handed Olivia her crutches, waiting until they were alone to speak to her. "You are currently not a member of service, I know that was hard to hear."

Olivia took a deep breath admitting to Alex that it had indeed stung. "Cragen never turned Elliot's papers in. He never told me."

Alex smiled then. "It had to be up to Elliot when he would come back. If he would come back. He chose to, Liv. He chose to come back now."

"What about the getting cleared and his psych evaluation and so forth? Elliot hates to jump through hoops."

"From what I understand, he is doing what he has to do. He and I talked and he will do what he has to do. He will require therapy for the shooting, the stress of being in SVU for so long and most likely will transfer out as soon as he is cleared for duty." Alex gave Olivia as much as she could. "Right now he is still considered on the job and that played in our favor tremendously today."

Olivia dropped her eyes as she positioned her crutches under her arms.

"Liv, he chose to come back. He is hurting too, but he is here. That has got to mean something." Alex gave Olivia a few moments to compose herself when she realized her words had gotten to Olivia. The fact that Elliot was here, sitting beside her in the courtroom meant everything to Olivia. Alex knew this, Olivia knew this and Alex was willing to bet that Elliot knew this as well.

Alex noted the way Sara sat motionless as each officer was called to the stand. Trevor was on his A-game as he cross-examined each, capitalizing on the small details that the officers had forgotten or simply failed to notice. She also noticed the way Olivia seemed lost in her own thoughts as she listened to the testimony of all that were involved that day. Sara had been through hell and Alex could tell that Olivia was feeling all of the pain that girl had gone through. It would only get worse once Sara took the stand and Alex worried that Olivia wouldn't be able to stay. It had been a long day and it was obvious to Alex that Sara wouldn't testify today. She wondered if Olivia would as she checked her watch.

"The defense calls Olivia Benson to the stand." Trevor's low voice startled Olivia and Alex was quick to rest her hand on her friends leg. The wordless exchange was enough to settle Olivia before she carefully made her way to the front of the courtroom. Alex watched as Olivia refused to look at Sara, her gaze instead finding Elliot's. Trevor asked Olivia to state her name and Alex cringed at the tone in Olivia's voice. She was not used to announcing herself as anything other than Detective Benson and to have to omit her title hurt to hear. Alex glanced back at Nick, Fin and Don Cragen. Each one hearing the same defeat in their colleague's voice and each one reacting similarly.

Alex listened carefully as Olivia obviously had not forgotten the smallest of details of what she witnessed when called to the scene of Sara's mother's murder. She went into detail as to the what she suspected and later was able to undercover about Sara's abuse at the hands of her father. Alex watched Sara carefully as she never once looked up at Olivia. It was when Roland Hicks made his way to confront Olivia that Sara seemed interested again. Alex noticed the way Olivia shifted in her seat and her demeanor changed with the line of questioning.

Alex watched Grace as she scanned the jury to try to gauge their reaction to Olivia's testimony so far. As far as Alex could tell they were just as anxious to hear the cross-examination as was everybody else. Roland Hicks began by asking Olivia how she had hurt her leg. Trevor was on his feet with what would be the first of many objections hurled out. Alex had worked with Olivia to get her prepared to face Hicks but from the defensive side and the cool manner that Olivia faced him proved that she was indeed still Detective Benson. Olivia would forever be Detective Benson to those that knew her and to those that needed her. Losing her title only meant that she was not official, it would never mean that she wasn't the same strong, caring woman she had always been.

Grace smiled as she listened to Olivia answer word for word as Elliot had when Hicks had attempted to have her describe Sara's abuse as a fasad for what she would later become. He tried to get Olivia to describe Sara as angry at losing her mother and that anger being misplaced against her father. Alex had to admit, Roland Hicks was good at what he did as he weaved the earlier claims of abuse with the actions Sara had taken as an adult against her father. The fact that Olivia's emotions never wavered and she answered Hicks with official statements and not emotional outbursts made even the jury believe that they were listening to the testimony of a detective that was there for a little girl who needed her. Alex knew better than to claim victory for this particular battle but she was proud of Olivia.

Olivia let her eyes fall on Sara when Hicks rested. Alex's heart broke just a little when Sara lost her fight against any emotion. The few tears were enough to make even Elliot shift in his seat. Olivia made her way back to her original seat just as Schropsky called it a day. Grace hung her head slightly knowing what tomorrow would bring and Alex could feel the tension that was Olivia Benson sitting next to her.

Alex watched as Trevor Langan packed up his briefcase, Roland Hicks doing the same. She turned to see Nick leaving the courtroom with Fin and Cragen close behind. She figured they would wait to talk with Olivia and Elliot, neither of whom had even began to move. Olivia's gaze followed Sara as she was led out of the courtroom. It was then that Olivia began to get to her feet to leave as well. She would be heading back to Bellevue and Sara would be heading back to Beacon. There was a sadness with what was real for both women and the look between Grace and Alex said they both recognized that.

Elliot made his way out of the courtroom, leaving Olivia behind as Grace approached. "You did good, Olivia."

Olivia tried to smile, but by now knew there was no need to put up a front for Grace.

"I am heading to Beacon now to sit with Sara. She's so very vulnerable right now to her own thoughts, memories and so forth." Grace moved when Olivia did so that she maintained eye contact. "She'll be on that stand tomorrow and she will take her cues from you Olivia."

"I don't know, Grace. She is so scared and I can't help her with that. I couldn't do it, yet here I am pushing her." Olivia's voice cracked and the emotion spilled out easily. "What if we lose. What will that do to her?"

"What if we win. What will that do for her?" Grace nodded to Alex who had stood just a few feet from the two women while they talked. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Please try to get some rest."

Grace lightly touched Olivia's arm before walking toward the doors of the courtroom. She turned to look at Alex and the moment they shared was enough to affect both woman. Tomorrow would be the best or the worst day of Sara's life and the most disturbing part was that neither of them knew how Sara defined that. Grace knew Sara was scared to live a life outside of prison now. She also knew Sara having to stay in prison would ultimately affect Olivia's recovery process.

Alex was silent as she stood behind Olivia as she slowly made her way toward the door Grace held open for her. The sound of the crutches against the hard courtroom floor was the only sound as all three women held their emotions in the same way they held their breaths.

Tomorrow would be the best day or the worst day of Sara's life and considering all the young woman had been through, it made Olivia hate the system that much more. The fighting never ended and Olivia doubted it ever would. She had heard Nick when he leaned into Sara for that brief moment before Sara was escorted out of the courtroom. She had heard him clearly and she knew his words would echo in her head tonight and maybe that wasn't a bad thing.

Tengo que luchar a luchar. Olivia had seen the response in Sara's eyes when Nick spoke to her. Tomorrow would be Sara's biggest fight yet and Olivia wasn't even sure if it was a fight Sara wanted to win.