See, my side of things is complicated. I am the happiest I have ever been. Yet when I think about what that means, how I've come about it, it gives me cause to think. I don't regret. The intensity of the situation can be a bit overwhelming at times but I love where I am.
It's interesting that I can be in trouble one minute, enclosed in happiness the next, then swamped with confusion and doubt. There's never a dull moment, that's for sure. I just want to live and love and be loved. No pressure, no rules, no choices. Just being. Being as I am and as I want to be.
Alive. Breathing. Living.
I see his side of things. I know his argument all too well. I don't think one is better than the other but I do think time is of the essence. It's not something I have tons of, but he does. So what do we do? Do we allow nature to take its course, or do we intervene? I once asked Gran if she thought Jesus would like vampires. I think about that quite a bit. With me making the choice to become one, would He still like me?
That's the real difference here. Making the choice versus having it made for me. Eric would never make it for me. He's already promised that. But if I take matters into my hands and decide that I want him to kill me and transform me into the very beings that have turned my life upside down. Well, what does that make me? Foolish? Stupid? Ironic?
The implications of life as a vampire are impressed upon me every day of my life. Life. My life. Mine. I'm in control of it.
I have free will. To choose.